The Dream Journal

I am at a friend's party, lots of successful and fancy, hipstery people are there in her large, wooden house, we are in the attic room, it is wooden and shadowy. I don' really have much in common with all the jocks and women dressed in very nice clothes. I ask if I can have some of my friends come over as well, they are geekier but I'd have someone to talk to. I vouch for them and she lets them come. I also see my sister there and I feel a bit more relaxed.

I'm talking to one of my geeky friends. He mentions how mean and horrible the people in the party have been to him over the years. Although everyone is an adult now, the direct harassment has now turned into a cold condescension, I feel for my friend. A big event is about to happen, people get into a circle as some kind of speech is going to be given. Right as one of the mean, good looking and condescending jocks is going to speak my geeky friend tackles him to the floor and pandemonium breaks out, people are all over the place tearing things apart.

My hipstery friend who knows the host says this is horrible, really bad, the jock was being interviewed on live TV, now it is ruined, there is no way to fix this. He doesn't right out blame me for vouching for him, but I sense the tension. Secretly I don't feel bad at all for what happened. The jock got what was coming to him. This is karma.

A new scene, we are in a school gym hall, a new party, the lights are very dim and atmospheric. My hipstery friend's girlfriend comes up to me by a table, I ask what's up. She says things are well. My hipstery friend is collecting money for the damages that happened in the party before, the house was wrecked. I feel a pang of guilt and panic. Why did I even go to that stupid party in the first place? I wake up relieved.

Vague dreams throughout the night, no recall.

In the last dream I was in a car going through an old city like Stockholm in the back seat. To mmy left I see my friend who I met by chance yesterday on the bus. We talk a little bit. As if (our?) parents are in the front driving the car. I hear yelling, a girl cries out for help. My sister (who is a completely different person and looks totally different) is not in the car. The parents swerve around and try to find out where the yelling is coming from. I get out of the car and start running, as if I can make it faster on foot.

I hear her as the car passes me, I can begin pinpointing the sound. I find her in a bus, men in uniforms sit as she yells, apathetic, they look like law enforcement. As the bus tries to pull away from the curb I stand in front of it and start tearing away the mirrors and wipers, trying to start a confrontation.

I turn around and see a committee, men in suits and women dressed very professionally. I demand to speak with my sister, I ask what she she being charged with. They are stonewalled and silent. This infuriates me. I have to stay in front of the bus so it doesn't start driving off. In my desperation I begin to try to intimidate all of them, I stare into their eyes intentionally, saying I will go after their children, after them, if they don't let me talk to my sister and ask how she is doing. Just let me talk to her so she can tell me what she is being accused of. Silence is my answer.

I drop to my knees defeated and lyrics pass through my head, I see them stream before me. Life in black America.