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    Lucid Dreams

    1. 1 May: Lucid encounter with my secondary teacher

      by , 05-01-2023 at 05:57 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      With my mom on some type of underground shelters. Looks like subways tunnels, a maze of concrete chambers, but with beds here and there and lots of people taking shelter in each room or hallway. We are going around, as if looking for something and I become lucid, so I decide I want to do something with my lucidity, but I don't wanna hurt my dream mom, so I tell her I need to go to the bathroom and I move away. She yells that I am going in the wrong direction and starts following me, trying to catch me, but I speed up and lose her.
      The scenario becomes more and more dystopic and futuristic. I come across loads of people going to and from all directions on this underground, but I think about my teacher DK and call out his name, looking around for his face to maybe show up. It never does, but I am always hopeful. Instead, dream agents start popping up and bumping into me, agressively. I decide to fly up as the place became bigger and no ceiling can be seen. Looks more like a factory now, with a strange maze infrastructure beneath me and a big black screen ocupying the whole right wall. One agent also starts levitating and grabs my ankle, we fight a bit and I get rid of it. I decide to leave this dream by jumping through the black screen to my right, while thinking of my teacher. I come out on the other side and it is still a dark dystopic landscape, like a Blade Runner scene mixed with Stalker. I still don't see any signs of my teacher, or anyone else actually, so I decide to call for my secondary teacher instead, JK. I see some light illuminating a path into what seems a calm relaxing place. I pass a little reception booth and to my right I see a jacuzzi like pond or pool with a big black stone Buddha statue half submerged, sitting in a relaxed position. There are tealight candles giving just enough clarity to the space. I pass by the pool and fold my hands towards the statue. I swear the statue turns its face towards me. But I look again and it's still in the same position. I keep going and see a small building ahead, but before I go in, the Buddha statue appears standing in front of me, moving and breathing like a person. It is smaller in size, the size of a human, when in the pond it was the double or tiple that size. I immediately know that it is my teacher I just called.
      I say hi and he replies with another hello. He smiles and says he had been waiting for me to finally call for him. He asks if I see his face or some other face. His face changed a little, no longer the face of the original statue, but it still doesn't look like him. I chuckle and say no and ask if he sees my face and he also says not really. But that doesn't really matter because we are both sure of whom we are.
      I say I don't know what to do, that I needed to talk to him, that I am confused and lost and don't know what he expects from me. He comes closer, enough to feel his breath in my skin and hair. I wasn't feeling anything romantic or sensual towards him, but now I feel a tingling sensation in my body. I also get closer to him, close enough that our legs intertwine. He says something about how much he desires me and I tell myself I don't feel this way about him. But he keeps going, saying how rock hard he is and he is so close to me I can feel his erection against my legs and I feel strangely aroused by it. I can't resist to touch it and then I put my hand inside his clothes and grab it. The sensation is incredibly specific. He is average lenght but a bit thick and I like it. We kiss and make out and we kick everything in our way up to the building I saw before. Funny enough, it is some kind of gift shop, not a private setting and there is a lady behind the counter, but at this point we just don't care. It's just a dream. I am half undressed and he slides his penis inside me. Half standing up and half laying down, we f*ck and I can't believe how horny I actually am. In the end, he is embracing me from behind, both facing a small mirror on a table. We get to see our faces in it. I vaguely see myself in it but I tell him he appears as some tibetan man mixed with my mom's face, which could be weird, but we laugh. Then I lose consciousness for a while, everything gets black and I fear that I may be exiting the dream and waking up.
      But I manage to wake up exactly on the same place, this zen spa whatever, now with daylight shining. I get up from the ground. A lady, maybe the one that was behind the counter before, comes to offer me some gifts, namely some beautiful hair ornaments. I don't recognize what it is at first glance so she shows me how they are applied to the hair, very lovingly, as if she knows me and cares for me. She then says that guru-ji asked me to join the tsok later on.
    2. 24 Feb: Snakes at my gate and trying to meditate lucid

      by , 02-24-2023 at 09:18 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      At my gate. I see a goat running on the hill in front and then a horse behind my parking lot. I also notice the gate is not well closed, so I close it tight. My dogs are jumping around me excited. Then I check the fence and find a couple spots where the fence is lose as if someone damaged it on purpose. I scramble to fix it before my dogs see it, but they go through a hole they find. First Soraia, but I yell at her and she promptly comes back. Then Maya and Tara also escape. I manage to call back Maya, but Tara encounters a black dog about her size, they become friends and she ignores me. They roll on their backs on the ground, clearly getting along. I then notice the road ahead is loaded with huge snakes coming their way. I call Riverstone for help and he goes outside the gates to get the dog but I warn him about the snakes.
      Then the dream fades and I almost wake up but hold on to it and then I am at some kind of small room, laying on a bed, belly down.
      I know I am dreaming so I plunge my hand into the foam mattress as a reality check and grab some foam as if is it cotton candy and eat it. I expected some crazy flavor, but it actually tastes just like foam. I then get up and go through the wall. End up in someone elses apartment and then go from room to room not knowing what to do. I briefly panic when I realize I don't know the way back to my room. Then I recall again that it's just a dream and there is no point in going back to "my" room. I go out to a balcony. Below the balcony on the street I see many kids and adults looking festive. I plan to jump through the pavement below and see where it takes me. I jump flat on my belly but as I approach the ground I see it is covered in animal poop, so I stop an inch from it and just levitate there for a second. Everyone looks at me. I lay my feet on the ground and stand. Immediately see a group of people on horse back coming towards me in two lines side by side. They don't stop for me, so I quickly lift off again not to be trampled upon. As I watch from above I think it may be some parade, but then notice the outfits and lots of famous Hollywood actors walking around and conclude that it must be a movie set.
      I want to focus on something productive and stop just moving around, so I sit cross legged on top of a wall to try to meditate. I invoke my guru and ask for his guidance and teachings. Immediately I get attacked by some guy out of nowhere, jumping and trying to reach me to harm me, his face full of anger, as if he is possessed. I kinda expected that, but still it is annoying every time it happens. I transport myself to a room full of plushies, hoping it will be peaceful to meditate in there. I try again and invoke my guru, but the plushies start flying and hiting me. I deflect them with energy from my hands, but att some point they come alive and gain shark teeth and bite me. I try to ignore the pain and carry on, aware that it is still all just a dream, but I almost wake up.

      I then find myself in what appears to be an island and in front of me there is a strange asian looking tower. I get this feeling that I will find my guru there, but when I reach the front door, it is controlled by thugs and they won't let anyone in that is not vetted by them. I plan on just flying up but then I notice there is some sort of elevator on the side, the kind of those for window cleaners and is starting to go up so I hold on to a side and just go up hanging from it. It takes me all the way to the top but then I see no way to access the interior of the building and there is no way to get down from the roof either. It is also inclined and slippery and I almost fall. Again, I wonder what to do next but a sudden water rise out of nowhere covers everything below and it keeps rising until it reaches the roof and leaves me isolated on my own little island. I go around the roof and find a stone path that magically appeared over the water, so I walk it through. It leads me to dry land. I find myself in what looks like some city in Latin America. It's night now, but the streets are flooded with people panicking and running in all directions. On the tv of some eatery, I see a broadcast about some impending catastrophe. I think I also see something big in the night sky but can't tell what it is. I wake up.

      Updated 02-24-2023 at 09:26 PM by 34880

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      lucid
    3. 17 Feb: Shadowy witch, robotic snake and meeting my teacher lucid

      by , 02-17-2023 at 08:47 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      At some victorian house, sort of half asleep and seeing the scenario fade away, but I realize it is actually a dream and that it is the dream itself that is fading. I hold on to it, but the darkness doesn't go away and I know this is when sometimes the monsters come up. And then I see a woman coming over and whenever she crosses a more shadowy area, her face becomes monstruous. I warn a friend that is also sleeping nearby to wake up. She doesn't know what I am talking about and she looks at the woman. The woman says in a hypnotic tone "look into my eyes". I grab my friend and say "don't look, it will kill you". I get in front of the woman and I say assertively "Now, you look into my eyes!" at the side of her face that is not disfigured. She looks puzzled and loses a bit of her power temporarily, so I open some curtains to let light in and I drag my friend to the outside. The woman still tries to reach me, but she can't stand the light. I decide to lift off and that's when I go fully lucid. I don't know what to do, so I decide to just watch the dream. Below me it now looks like some big american city. I also see a huge roller-coaster in the distance. There is some retro vibe to it. I just amuse myself by flying over people and watching their dramas. I feel very melancholic thinking how all these people are just DCs. I sing and dance in the sky above them.

      Visiting my mom at her old job at the Union. They are at some warehouse with piles of boxes with files and lots of stickers, calendars and other stuff I used to steal from them and collect as a child. I am mesmerized by all the retro things they have, not fully aware that I am dreaming, but aware I am seeing something gone from the past. I grab a box with some stickers to take with me as mementos. For some reason my dog Hachi appears and all is fine until someone else also comes in with 2 dogs and a baby. I grab Hachi immediately and try to take him somewhere where I can keep him isolated. Unfortunately there is only a small room with no windows and I don't want to lock him there. So when the other dogs follow us and we get cornered there, I close them inside instead and take Hachi away.
      We go to my mom's and he roams around the house free. After a while I am looking for him and find him in the balcony injured with a bad open wound in his front right leg. Nearby is a robotic snake I keep as a toy, also severely "hurt". Turns out she can bite and it is a powerful metallic bite. I try getting close to him, but he cowers and hides his leg. I go get hydrogen peroxide and throw copious amounts on his wound. He ends up accepting my treatment and even puts his front legs over mine to thank me, I guess. Then I also want to help the snake but need something to grab it safely. I didn't know she had such a dangerous self defense mechanism.


      At my childhood home, alone, and I become lucid. I go into my room, honestly just wanting again to dwell on the melancholic feeling of seeing things from my past. But then I feel crazy horny and feel the urge to remove my pants. I look around for objects I might use creatively, but all I see is a wooden spoon over the bed for no good reason. So I give up on objects. Instead I decide to experiment what it would feel like if my clitoris grew to become a very long penis. Long enough that it reaches my mouth. And then I suck it. I almost wake up with the sensation but I manage to come back to the dream. Then I jump scare when through the balcony door I see 3 Rinpoches sitting outside. They are not looking at me, they are to right side, almost out of sight. I can only see a bit of their faces but I recognize them ckearly. They are facing forward as if listening or watching someone to my left side. I pull my pants up quickly, deeply embarassed, hoping they didn't see that. I get up and walk slowly towards the balcony sliding doors. Then they turn their heads towards me and nod at me wtth a smile. As I approach, I see many more of them and recognize almost all of them. Then some more pass by from my left side and disappear behind the ones sitting. The balcony is no longer a balcony, but some room somewhere else. They all aknowledge my presence, nod and smile, but none says a word. Then I walk forward a few more steps and I see my teacher to my left. He is standing there and he is the one all others were looking at or listening. They hint that I should come in and I do. Rinpoche comes to me and we immediately hug. Then we kiss. It is a shy confused kiss, because I want to kiss him on the lips but I am not sure if it is ok, so I kinda go for the cheek but still touch his lips. He seems surprised but pleased. We continue hugging. Then he kisses me on the lips properly. It feels incredible and totally real. We continue hugging tight and saying how much we missed each other, while I caress his back and head. I can even feel the smooth edges of his robe on his back and do my autistic thing of stimming by feeling the calming texture of the seam.
      Then he moves on and we are in some kind of library or classroom and I realize we need to get out because a class or lecture is about to start.
      Lucidity fades a bit from here. Outside he is with his entourage and they are heading to some place to lunch with, but he specifically says to his attendant that I am to have lunch with the more private group and sit by his side in the upper room. The restaurant is asian, but I can't tell from which country. Rinpoche and the private group disappear upstairs as I am distracted looking at the food they have on display. Then I am not allowed to come up. When finally that is cleared up, I arrive there, but Rinpoche has disappeared again, maybe to go to the bathroom or something, I think. The people there look me sideways and want me to sit me at the "kids" table. I see three empty seats and figure that's where Rinpoche will sit so I say I think I am supposed to sit there to, but they mock me and bully me. Some lady is being incredibly rude and gets into my nerves, so I bang my hand on the table, wanting to punch her, and say "one of these seats is for me, just wait and see". But I feel bad for my ego outburst, so I just go and sit at a bench near the window, at the far end of the table, but where Rinpoche can see me when he returns. Then we hear his voice on loud speakers, interviewing some indian fella and it is about Russia and some allegory with volcanos and people wonder what is this about.
    4. 30 Jan: False awakenings and exploring a backroomy dimension lucid

      by , 01-30-2023 at 08:59 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      I am between sleep and wakefulness and I hear my dogs barking outside, when suddenly I wake up with the sound of my front door slamming and I feel scared. I am confused and think that the only other person in the house is my mother on the ground floor and she would not go outside in the middle of the night for any reason, which worries me even further. Then I actually wake up and realize most likely no one slammed the door and also that my mother isn't in my home at all, it is Riverstone who is sleeping downstairs and I just had a false awakening. My dogs are also quiet, so I don't know if them barking was also part of the dream.

      With Riverstone on a van going up a road and the engine is not managing to pull it up. He is driving and he steps on the accelerator to try to reach the top of the hill, but on a curve he loses control and the van rolls over to the side of the road. As we tumble, it gets dark and Riverstone loses his consciousness. I shake him hard and he doesn't wake up. I am really worried. When he finally does, we are in bed at my mom's house and he asks me why am I shaking him up like that. I am confused and tell him about my dream. He says that I am just remembering a traumatic event and I say no way, I don't recall it ever happening in the past. He says it did, we had that accident. I feel more confused about what's real or not. Then we go to the kitchen for a snack as he says now he is angry and we reheat some pizza on the microwave. I think about how I would never eat pizza in the middle of the night, but I am starting to feel maybe none of this is real, so what the heck, I actually eat some and ask for more. Then my mom comes and asks what's going on, I tell her the whole story and continue to chat while eating. Then I am worried we might wake up grandma and mom says "you're really confused, she passed away some time ago, it's just us here". Then I realize once again I am still dreaming all this. Then we are at a fair, where we volunteer at a booth. It is a mix between art display, book sales and alternative medicines. I am rearranging some books on a table and again confused about what's real or not, when some friends come over from another booth and I tell about my confusion and the whole accident story and that I can't even remember my best friends' names. They show some concern, but then some wild boar enters the place running and causing much damage, until he gets killed and someone takes it outside to the back of the building and leaves it on the ground temporarily. I go take a look at it soon after and some dog like a Husky is trying to eat the boar. He is making a mess so I shoo him. He doesn't like and attacks me. He actually looks more like a wolf now. I climb some structure to get out of its reach but it is not enough, the dog or wolf jumps high and almost bites me. I stop it with my arm and a sort of punch to its head, which beheads the animal. The animal's head falls to the ground and the rest of the body vanishes completely. I am in shock and that's when I realize I must be dreaming. So I lift off flying up and as I leave the ground, I realize I am inside some giant barn like structure. But I try to get rid of logic and let my mind roam free, so when I reach the ceiling, it just inverts and then there is like a second barn upside down. I enter some sort of backroomy dimension with buildings growing upside down and sideways and I just go through them and through wooden walls, ceilings, etc, just trying to get lost in the nonsense, not trying to make it right, trying to make my mind maleable. Then end up in a version of my own attic, but looking like a 60s lounge, with lots of yellow pillows and puffs on the floor. I plunge again in the wooden walls and this time I end up floating in a void for while, almost waking up. After a few seconds I start seeing the inside of the wood in big detail, as if magnified or if I shrunk to microsize. I don't feel my body, just my head, so I feel an urge to lick the surface with my tongue and it feels scaly. Then I am in a regular room but decorated in cluttercore style. There are so many carpets, plushies, curtains, pillows and all sorts of colorful bric-a-brac all over. I feel compelled to just admire it all. I realize my mind is trying to distract me with stuff, lots of stuff, but I indulge for a while. I go from room to room and each one is crazier than the other. Some rooms I need to go up or down through some wall mount ladder to reach the next room. I then see a box of jewels and a mirror in a small cozy bedroom and can't help trying them on, feeling that I am falling for the temptations to distract me. When I look in the mirror, I look absolutely goddess like. For fun I make the jewels, hairstyles and hair color change. Then I remember that often when I look at myself in the mirror in dreams, my face starts shifting and becoming mosnter-like, so I decide to take control of the process and just cause it myself, to fight that fear. My face slowly melts and I become ugly, my eyes all dark, fangs, messy hair. It makes me feel uneasy, but not terrified, because I am in control. I think about meditating next for a while, but I wake up.
    5. 19 Jan: Ronaldo hitting on me and I try to meet Avalokiteshvara lucid

      by , 01-19-2023 at 09:10 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      Walking up an alley of a park with a younger sister or cousin. On arriving at a terrace where there is a restaurant, we are cut off by barriers and cannot pass, because Ronaldo has booked it to have a private lunch there and no one can go throughit. I am upset and try to go around, but then he arrives by car and also blocks my way. I try to just ignore and move on, but something happens and he ends up also taking a walk in the park, almost side by side to us. As I reminisce to my companion about this place and some memories from my childhood, I notice he is listening and curious to know more. He asks me something about a street ahead and I suddenly remember stuff about it and drag him along in my revisitation of the place. I stayed there in a pension for some time and as I remember more details, I basically offer him a tour to this small town. He totally abandons his lunch plans and just joins us for good. Then we pass by a small place I mention has great veggie food, very basic but delicious and I invite him to have lunch there with us. He makes a bit of a snarky comment because of the veggie food, but then is really surprised to see that it is a very simple place with locals and not some fancy modern joint and I see curiosity won. I swear to him he will not forget about this place, either he likes the food or not, just because it is so authentic. By chance my dad is there with my aunt Ana and other people. They are waiting in line because there are no seats. I join them waiting in line and Ronaldo says we don't have to because of who he is, certainly they'll get us some table. Of course people recognize him when he enters and talk about it and some are very welcoming to him, but those that are sitting and eating with friends and family aren't bulging for him to get a seat and the fact is there really are no tables. What people do is they rearrange the tables so we have an area where we can sit on the floor if we want. I am ok with it, but he is not and so we just leave and continue our tour outside.
      My dad reminded me that not only we spent some vacation on this town, but that we own an old house on this street. I am surprised and can't remember that at all, but he says it is that small property that appears mentioned on the IRS form and somehow it makes sense to me. He says it's just a couple blocks away, so I go look for it. Spot some folks building up a new house in the place where I thought was ours, can't figure out which one it is, so then we return and keep waiting for a table at the restaurant. By now Ronaldo is definitely feeling the hots for me and he grabs me by the waist and grabs my ass and pushes me against a wall, about to kiss me. But then my dad suddenly appears and ruins the moment. Ronaldo goes get some air for a minute and my dad comes talk to me. I guess he must be really proud that I am snatching such a rich famous guy and indeed he is, but also makes some comment about his manners and I have to agree that he is not exactly being a gentleman with me. I am not sure how I feel about it.


      Walking by a boardwalk by the sea, recognizing some places. Seeing them with so much detail and thinking I don't wanna go there, because it is a place from another dream I had one day and nothing good came out of it.
      Then realize I am dreaming and it is a very stable lucid. The first thing that comes to my mind is to summon Avalokiteshvara. I really don't know why that was my first thought, but I did. Unfortunately, I immediately get surrounded by a pack of menacing growling dogs like dobbermans and rotweillers and I have to climb over a wall to protect myself. They keep jumping at me, viciously trying to attack me and I realize they are the protection mechanism or agents that always come if you try to liberate yourself, or meet those who can help you with that. I hadn't met them in a while. Then I remember that they have no power over me unless I give it to them, so I point the palm of my hands at them and slowly push them away with a kind of force field that makes me untouchable. One by one, the dogs step down and leave. I keep walking down the boardwalk while repeating mantras and continue to call for the deity. Don't see it anywhere but some lady approaches me offering me t-shirts. I say no and she insists that I follow her. I feel she is up to no good and accuse her of trying to distract me. After insisting a couple times, she walks away but I keep an eye on her as she walks towards the ocean and stays on the sand at the beach nearby. Wonder if she may be a manifeststion of the deity inviting me to come along and I rejected her, but I don't feel it. She passes by me again and leaves a box on the sand. Some girl says this is a gift to me but I am still suspicious of her intentions, so I don't touch it. The box opens by itself and contains gold statuettes of what initially also look like deities, so for a while I think this might be a sign. But as I look closer, the statuettes represent just common people in sex acts, like one lady going down on another and a threesome where someone is banging another from behind. Don't know what all of it means, but I think this is just Mara tempting me with distractions. Then I wake up.
    6. 20 Nov: Trying to summon Buddhas, advising a lady who can't sleep

      by , 11-20-2022 at 08:50 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      With Nighthawk, somewhere with other people around. Looks like an office as we are sitting in office chairs with wheels, but also feels like a café as people are just chilling in nearby tables. He is talking about something and I want to get closer to him, so I give an impulse to my chair to slowly roll to his side. But I pull it a bit too strongly and I roll too fast and bump into him. As a result I grab his legs and put my hands too close to his crotch and his reaction is to flinch and push himself back. I say sorry and he asks if I did it on purpose and I honestly can't tell. I feel like it was both accidental and intentional to a certain extent. I am also upset that he reacted that way but I guess it is to do with being in a public place with other people, so I don't insist and we just continue a normal conversation.

      At my parent's house but the house looks totally different from what it really was. My bedroom is normal but it is attached to some shed that has the roof cracking in the middle and we are all waiting for the moment it falls apart and trying to keep everyone in safety. But when it falls apart, the roof in my bedroom also falls apart and then half of my parent's room also goes down. We are tryig to take it calmly and make plans to cover it all with plastics until we get the reconstruction done, but my father starts calculating the costs and it is despairing. Anyway, we adapt to living like this. But for no good reason I now have to shower in my room, as the shower head is right above my bed. So I wet my bed completely. My mom suggests I wash quickly to reduce the amount of water soaking the bed and I wonder how I am going to sleep on it later as it won't dry until then. Then I remember we have a second bathroom with a shower that wasn't affected and wonder why we ain't using it.
      Then I become aware that I am dreaming and I teleport involuntarily to a street in a city with very modern architecture mixed with old palaces at an ocean front. I want to see the place but then I notice how long the street is and I don't want to walk it all the way, so I lift off to see it from above. I see this shore line to my left, another to my right and some more in front but far away. I dive in the water just for fun and wonder what to do with my lucidity as I don't have anything prepared. All that occurs to me is to summon Buddha Tara. All I get instead is a red or pink tide on the water, as if something is gathering to form a shape, but it never does. I focus harder on any Buddha to appear and one starts forming and getting out of the water. It is actually a white porcelain figure, looking much more like Budai, not any Buddha. Not very fat but a little chubby and with thin green lines making beautiful designs all over its "skin". It is human sized and I touch it to see if it is a statue or a living being. I am still in the water and he has risen above it, but I manage to touch its arms and legs and I am surprised that it feels like porcelain but also like a peachy skin at the same time and it is warm. It feels so pleasurable to the touch that I continue caressing it, I reach for the neck and chest. The statue then comes to life and scolds me for touching him inappropriately. He gets mad and summons guardians from the water. I start feeling threathened by the figures that start emerging and grabbing me. There is a floating platform nearby and I get up on it. A strong current forms and drags it, but I allow myself to go with the flow. Then I hit the shore and some monks appear requesting me to come along. I ask what is it and they say some Rinpoche requires my presence. I hope it's what I am expecting but deep down I feel that it is not. I follow them anyway and they take me to a house. We pass through a room where some monks or lamas are sitting watching tv and they take me to a bedroom in the back. I feel uncomfortable when all I see is a bed and a lama I don't know in a poorly lit room. But then I see there is a young lady laying down on the bed, I feel like she is his companion. I ask what is it they need me for. And he explains she can't sleep for a week or so and she is going mad and they are desperate. I ask if we can talk and he asks her to come forward and listen to me. At first she looks angry and uncooperative. I don't know what she expects from me, but I start by telling her about a friend I have that also couldn't sleep for a week and it was because of anxiety he wasn't even aware of. And suddenly her face changes and she is interested. I ask if there is anything in her life, past or future, that could be the source of anxiety. Something that happened and she can't let go thinking about it or something that is going to happen and she is consumed in fear or doubts about it. Slowly she admits it may be fhe latter. She is studying something and she is going to do an exam for which she feels totally unprepared and she thought she wasn't worrying at all, but now she sees she just wasn't aware of how the concern was consuming her. I give advice on how to let go and examples of how my friend managed to let go and she seems definitely calmer.
    7. 26 Oct: Lucid explorations, tiger turns into beautiful girl and we make out

      by , 10-26-2022 at 08:22 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      I get lucid while at some old building and I admire the intricate details of it and feel the textures of wood and other materials. I feel like this place is absolutely identical to some place I have been in RL, but in actual fact I don't recall any instance where I have been at this building, at least not in this life. I walk into a large balcony, don't know what to do next, so I just observe and think about it a bit more. Then I see a beautiful tree with pink flowers and I feel like making rain such beautiful flowers from the sky. But instead, I just make it rain, normal water. Then I float down to the open ground below and I get surrounded by people of different african tribes coming out of nowhere. They seem startled by something. At first I think it is of my powers, but then a couple white ladies erupt through the crowd and they come dragging a tiger which apparently is unconscious. That seems to be what was making everybody nervous. Unexpectedly, the tiger regains consciousness and everyone runs in panic. I run to the tree. Then I remember tigers can also climb trees. As I struggle to hop on the lowest tree branches, and not exactly suceeding, I feel the tiger behind me and that dreadful feeling that I am about to die. Then I remember I am just dreaming and I can do anything. So the tiger becomes a beautiful lady, completely naked and a bit feral, but harmless. She does climb the tree and I manage to join her in a flat area between tree branches which makes a very solid platform. I get aroused by her simple beauty. I touch her and she likes it. I kiss her and give her pleasure. Then she retributes.
    8. 11 Oct: Hanging out with Margot Robbie and giving my contact to Hillary Clinton lucid

      by , 10-11-2022 at 08:56 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      I meet Margot Robbie and a boyfriend of hers and we are spending some time together, fooling around. They take some new drug and are super chill, I feel like we might even get involved in a threesome based on their energy. But then they start going psychotic and insisting I also take the drug, which I don't want to. When I threathen to leave they become incredibly possessive, especially the guy, who starts chasing me with a needle to drug me by force. Margot is less psycho and realizes he is being too agressive, so she stops him. I then put away a box of needles and other sewing materials that I had been using for some craft and say calmly that I am leaving, while Margot kicks the guy down to calm him down.
      Then I am sitting at some venue listening to Zilla and some other people in a round table. Zilla has a nip slip and I can tell that some lady by her side has a crush on her and is aroused by it. Zilla also notices and she kinda forcefully mentions she is a recent mom with her partner, just to cut any expectations on her side.
      Then I am at my mom's, with some friends after the conference and for some reason Bill and Hillary Clinton are part of the guests. During the conference I was hurt by some idiot who lashed out on me. He came up with his conspiracy theories against the message of global unity and when I came to reason with him, he lashed out on me. I guess the Clinton's had appreciated my intervention and that's why we are hanging out. I am lying on the sofa and Hillary is really nice to me, treating me while I joke about her role in the conspiracies. But she's so down to earth, she laughs with me and I feel like we are becoming friends. Then I think to myself nobody is going to believe I am buddy with Hillary Clinton and that's when I realize that's because it's a damn dream
      . I become lucid and the dream becomes more vivid and stable and I notice that she doesn't fade like other DCs, she is actually more clear and defined in front of me. So I tell her we are dreaming and if she is a real person, I would like us to meet in waking life. I get up from the sofa, I stand face to face with her and tell her my name and my country of origin so that it is very clear. She then asks for my email, because that is more guaranteed she'll reach out to me. I say she might not be able to remember that, so she grabs pen and paper. I tell her she would not be able to carry it out of the dream and she says it iss just to try to remember it better by seeing it in written and confirming with me that it is spelled correctly. So I spell it out to her and she writes it down. She almost gets it correctly, except for one extra character. I try to correct her, but I wake up.

      I'll let you know if I get an email from Hillary

      Updated 10-11-2022 at 08:59 PM by 34880

      Categories
      lucid
    9. 5 Oct: A place from my childhood and a weird LD experience

      by , 10-05-2022 at 08:09 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      Visiting the secondary location of my old extra curricular activities center. It now seems to be working as a day care for younger children. At first I am waiting at some waiting room and notice the old furniture and apparently abandoned and despised trinkets I remember seeing there as a kid. I start picking some up from the floor and under a table, stuffing them in my pockets since here no one cares to preserve these. It's like tiny china figurines and sculpted wooden pieces. Then I am welcomed inside and I get to see that this place is overcrowded with kids. The kids are sitting on the floor, I almost can't walk around, I see no toys or games, they look bored and neglected. Most are kids of color. There's 3 or 4 carers who seem overwhelmed with the kids and even a bit too agressive towards them, I feel. I am worried about what I see. I then decide I will try to sell the antique trinkets and donate the money back to them. I exit through the front door - seems like I actually entered through the back one - and even find another carer with half a dozen more kids sitting on the floor of the hallway of the building. It's heartbreaking.

      I am waking up from a dream, but become lucid and try hard to hold on. Get stuck in what seems like behind a frosted glass wall. To not lose lucidity, I focus on the texture of the frosted glass, so close to my face and don't try anything else. When I feel the lucidity is more stable, I also try to feel my real body in bed. I think I may have had a lucid false awakening, because I experimented raising my real hand and touch my face with it and I swear I felt it. I even put my fingers in my mouth. At least that's exactly what it felt like, although in the dream state I was basically formless in front of the frosted glass screen. When I really woke up, I was confused if I actually managed to move my hand by commanding it from inside the lucid dream or if I imagined it, but most likely I imagined it in a cross between an LD and a FA.
    10. 29 Sep: Looking for food in Australia, rich friend mansion, tasting clouds lucid

      by , 09-29-2022 at 09:29 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      Watching some show like "60 Minutes" about a reporter quest to find some hacker. The reporter shows a map of Australia and the different locations the police thought the hacker was at and how she found him for real. Then I am down there in Australia, in some small town away from everything. The other nearest town is 5 hours away and I realize that most people around here never gets very far away from their location because you need to travel by plane to get anywhere in a decent time frame. I suddenly also realize I am in the middle of nowhere and I remember my babies are at home, so far away and I feel so sad and miss them. I feel like I will be away for some time. I walk through the town, cross a crosswalk and see lots of people going in the same direction, then a bunch of uniformed police coming from the opposite direction. But I go to where the police are coming from and they join the rest of the crowd and head to my left down another street. Where I go is some comercial area. I enter a mall looking for a food court. I find some place that looks like a self-service buffet with lots of people in a line and by chance I encounter Zilla. I check the food on display and it is mostly yummy cakes but I want some main dishes. I ask Zilla if there is something veggie and she immediately grabs some fried tofu that is the last available and some other customers before me also wanted to eat. She gets away with it but everybody thinks bad of her and starts trashing her. So she asks me if I want to join her in going somewhere else. I agree and she takes me outside the mall into a back alley. Points to what seems like a private home, but with one single table with two seats outside the door on the sidewalk. We sit and wait to be attended, but I feel awkward with how bizarre this is. Some lady on a window above us is hanging a bedsheet to dry over our heads and I say "What if she was dusting a carpet?" She hears and replies that she could and she wouldn't care. But Zilla seems totally relaxed about all this. She then sees some family playing with their kids in a terrace on the other side of the road and because she is a mom now, she can't help it but to go talk to them about their kids. I notice the kids amazing eyes but I don't care engaging with them.

      Meet Tova and come to visit her new house in Portugal. Crazy decoration with water tanks along the walls going from room to room, cascading at some points, with fish and plants in some locations. It looks gorgeous but then in one room the tanks are overflowing and ruining the furniture and the floor. I tell her to reduce the volume of the water to stop it overflowing and she says that's the plan but she isn't so happy about it because they wanted to create an effect like infinity pools if only the water kept still. I sit down at some sofa with other guests and there is a famous football player, some actors and some of these VIPs want to know who I am. We have some fun conversation where I explain I am nobody, and I am feeling totally comfortable among them.

      I get lost in some backdoors, leading to service corridors and rooms and end up at the entrance of a kitchen. I look through the window on the door and spot an hispanic lady alone in there and some other door on the opposite side also with a window, through which I spot some nasty looking guys. I sneak in quietlly and I ask her if she seen those guys and knows them. She says no and she also finds them fishy. We then sense that something violent is going on out there, so we try to barricade the door. After failed attempts, she suggests we just leave. I get lost from her in the corridors and find some door to the exterior, ending up alone at night in the middle of what seems a parking lot in the back
      . I then become lucid and feel like levitating up into the clouds which are extremely low in the night sky. Then I feel like trying the taste of the clouds and they feel like cotton candy but without any flavour. So then I think about different flavours like mango, strawberry, caramel and I imagine the cotton candy clouds tasting like those. It works and I have a lot of fun savoring the clouds. Then the clouds start raining sweet syrup all over me and I feel strangely like removing my clothes. I bathe in the sweet nectar and start feeling a bit horny. So I play a bit with myself. Meanwhile I feel like I should stop it and actually do something more useful with my lucidity, but I wake up.

      With mom, on the street. It's dusk and some really ugly clouds are forming in the distance. I spot a saucer shaped UFO with 3 lights and I warn her about it. Turns out, when it gets closer, it is actually some weird weather drone analyzing the incoming storm. We then spot a tornado and try to find shelter. There is only a gas station which doesn't seem to offer much shelter, but luckily it has an underground level, although with an open top. We go around looking for extra shelter but we just see people laying low and near the walls as there seems to be no better shelter. Yet there is actually a small corner room that has a wall and ceiling and offers more protection. I go inside and there is maybe 3 or 4 other people who are ok with us joining them. But since no one else is coming inside, I suggest we barricade the open door with something for us to be safer. They agree, but then some kids ask to come in and I let them, then Alex appears out of nowhere and I also let him, but then no one else and we block the entrance. Then when the storm hits, the people outside seem to finally start to feel afraid and also want to come inside but now we don't want to let anyone else come in, so they start vandalizing our barricade and a fights starts over them wanting to come in an us trying to keep ourselves safe.

      Updated 09-29-2022 at 09:38 PM by 34880

      Categories
      lucid
    11. 17 Sep: Bullied and despised by school colleagues, then becoming lucid

      by , 09-17-2022 at 11:14 AM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      In high school / university mix situation, being bullied by Monica and her minions. Even in the bathroom, they burst open the stall where I am sitting on the toilet, demanding something I don't have, just to humiliate me. Then later on class, we're getting our grades and she scores higher than anyone else. I believe she is cheating, but everybody praises her and she gets a round of applause. I don't want to look petty but I gotta say something. I don't accuse her of cheating, but I say I won't clap because she is a bully and she's been bullying me constantly to derail me. Even if she really is smart, she's still a bad person. Nobody denies it, they tell me everybody knows that she bullies, but they still think she should be praised for her grades and they clearly think I am petty for bringing this up. I am appalled. As soon as everyone's attention goes elsewhere, she sneaks in close to me and pinches me hard, hurting me and I say I am sick of it and I am no longer going to be civilized with her. I do a choke hold on her and throw her on the floor and she kicks the air struggling to breath. I eventually let her go and we still fight a bit more, but I can tell she is scared of this new side of me. After the class everybody is going out somewhere and I join just to avoid being cast out, but I wonder if I should, since nobody likes me much anyway and I don't owe them anything. It starts raining as we walk down the street. It's already dark. I pull an umbrella out from my backpack. Everybody gathers in pairs or bigger groups under different umbrellas and I offer a ride under mine to anyone who needs it, but only Monica accepts. I yell there's not a chance in hell and I turn to a group that has like 4 people under one umbrella and offer to welcome at least one of them. They don't accept so I just carry on. I am tired of being nice. We walk into a grand central station and everyone heads to a subway line, but I miss them in the crowd. I don't know which direction they're going. Then I get distracted by some bijouterie lost on the floor. I pick it up and some lady who is just standing there notices it and says she had actually seen it before but was too embarassed to pick it up. She then points out to more bijouterie under a ledge and I am surprised with the finding. Like little kids who found a treasure, we pick it up piece by piece, making pairs with the found earrings and admiring the colorful stones and I fill my pockets with it. The lady doesn't want it for herself, she is just happy to help me find these. Then some other lady comes by and says she doen't think all that bijouterie is lost, but that it belongs to a seller who is there during the day and leaves her things hidden in there for the night. I feel bad and put it all back, except for that one piece that was efectively broken and in pieces on the floor and which seems like it was really discarded. Meanwhile, I am approached by Rupigo who asks me where some other colleague went and if he joined the others. I say I haven't seen him but I suppose so. Then decide to go after him as he probably knows the direction to go. But I don't want to go down the stairs against the flow of the crowd, so I just jump a balcony, the height of one floor, and gently land in the main central area of the station, near a ticket booth. I realize I am dreaming and that I can do whatever I want. I still debate a little with myself if I should go after the group lucidly, or not and I realize it is completely irrelevant. Instead I fly over everyone's heads and I move to the exit. I play a little with the fact that I can cross walls and columns and don't really need to find a door, but I am still planning my next move. Unfortunately the dream isn't stable enough and I wake up.

      Updated 09-17-2022 at 11:19 AM by 34880

      Categories
      lucid , non-lucid
    12. 15 Sep: At an event, then try to lucid teleport, end up fighting monsters in The Backrooms

      by , 09-15-2022 at 05:30 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      Visiting the location of some teachings I am attending, I am amazed by the architecture and decor of the place, the temple, the gardens. I am helping out and looking for a mop to clean something when I stumble across Em. She takes me to her own apartment to get me a mop and says she is also tidying it up. And it really needs, it looks like a hoarder's house. She claims it's her mother who likes to have stuff covering every surface. I find that odd, from what I know about her, but say it's the same with me and my mom, except we don't want to, it just happens. Our teacher is on-site and welcoming small groups for personalized conversations and teachings in a large reception hall. He is receiving a group which I join in by mistake and they are talking about Jesus and calling themselves a church, it all sounds satirical yet they are truly commited to the part. I have no clue what they are up to, but not my business, so I leave. I am then invited to join a larger group who is having some kind of reception with food and drinks. We sit at a large U shaped table that goes around a U shaped corridor. Food starts being served and I ask if this is dinner, they say no and then I reply we will be full and not need dinner later. I meet some nice people and one guy is recording snips and bits of the event and makes a short clip with me, which distracts me for like 10 minutes, enough for all the food to disappear. They suggest I go directly to the kitchen and ask for more, but the only tray they still have is taken to another group and there is nothing left. I realize I am so hungry and can't wait until the next meal. I almost have a meltdown because of it.
      Some guy and girl invite me to go out and look for some café or other place to eat and I join them. The location feels like some European city with modern buildings. I feel Berlin vibes but it actually looks more like London. We are at some terraced passageway and then we need to go down some stairs to reach the main street where there is the subway and they are asking me where I am staying and where would be more convenient to go and I have no idea. They ask east or west and I mention vaguely an area but my mind is blurry. Then for some reason I decide to not go with them anymore and we separate. I then spot two ginger cats sleeping in the street, their backs against a wall, and I approach to see if they're ok. Apparently so and anyway I can't take them with me, so I leave them be.
      Then it gets blurry again but I am with a group of 2-3 people in a room and they aren't friendly to me and are menacing somehow, so I leave and try to lock the door behind me. I can't, so I start zigzagging through rooms and realize I am in some kind of the Backrooms, as each room has 3-4 doors only leading to another room and so on. Some are empty, some look like normal rooms in a home
      . I start becoming lucid and think of what to do next. Not sure, have no plan, but I spot a door that opens to an absolute pitch darkness and I decide to jump through it as a portal and see where I land. Doesn't go as planned. I just enter a darker and most dangerous area of the Backrooms, filled with monsters. First I stumble from room to room in the darkness, finding some hints of a faded light here and there showing a door or some furniture against a wall. Then I came across the first monster. It looks a bit like Venom, shiny black slim body and a big head with sharp teeth. He just appears out of nowhere and falls on me. I just have time to grab his head away from mine and we fight on the floor. I try several hooks to keep him imobilized as I try to find a weakness to hurt him. Eventually I manage to grab some object and slam it into his head, but it takes a lot of times to knock him down and he bits me a couple times. Then I continue wandering and encounter a metal staircase leading to upper or lower levels. I go up and enter a level that has victorian decor in the hallways and beautiful colored bead curtains hanging over many doors. As soon as I cross one such doors and it makes a distinct sound of beads against each other, some woman with a kid appears running and yelling that I just attracted the creature. The creature is a hollow blue mesh figure, a bit like the other slender figure before, but more hunched and walking on four limbs. The front limbs a bit longer than the back limbs. And the head is very thin, basically a neck ending in a jaw. I don't even know how this creature can hurt, because it looks so frail, but it is scary nonetheless. We run upwards but all the next floors are still in the same style with the same damn curtains. Eventually I enter one such floor any way and allow the creature to follow me throughout the rooms. I then face it and grab its head to find it is indeed frail. I rip apart the head mesh as if it is cardboard and that is it. Then I think I see the kid again, can't tell if he is the same, but must be. I call him closer, I don't see his mother around. He stares at me, doesn't move or say a word. Then he gets closer and I noticed he has a snake like tongue and he is actually preparing to attack me. He is just another monster. He tries to snatch me with his tongue and I just have time to jump to the side and escape him. Turns out the woman was walking on the ceiling like a spider and also throwing her tongue to catch me at the same time. Instead both their tongues get entangled and when she pulls her tongue in she swallows the kid whole. I run away again through rooms and rooms, until I find a new level which looks more like the real world. I hear human voices, but not knowing what it is I hide in a room which looks almost normal, with a bed and sheets and even some light coming from some kind of window. I hide under the bed when I hear the voices approaching. It is two guys and they close the door behind them, looking scared and looking for something to block it. They seem human, so I decide to reveal myself. I don't want to startle them, so I whisper to get their attention. They are still spooked at first, suspicious of me, but they end up trusting I am also human. They say they were being chased by some being who looked like a giant leprechaun with two heads. And either he has two faces on the main head or he can send one of the faces down a tentacle-like arm and generate a second head at the end of his arm. The creature arrives at our door and starts pouncing on it heavily. I help them hold it up, but we know he will eventually break it, so I look around for something again that I can use as a weapon. There is some sharp metal thingy from the bed frame and I grab it. The monster finally blasts the door open and throws us down on the ground, but he doesn't come in right away, instead he peaks with his tentacle head first and I stab it with the sharp metal. The creature leaves in agonizing pain, but I still get to see its whole body and main head and it really looks like a leprechaun with a beard and some dusty brown clothing and a semblance of a hat.
    13. 9 Sep: Crashing a spaceship and lucidly exploring the microscopic world of a tree

      by , 09-09-2022 at 04:04 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      In a spaceship like the ones in Star Trek. It is a very large one and we're dangerously close to the surface of planet Earth doing some high risk maneuver, trying to escape some other spaceship in pursuit. This maneuver was never accomplished and our ship is shaking and creaking like it is falling apart, but it holds up. The other one doesn't and we watch it be ripped appart. Then, I am not sure if by the effect of our massive ship or something else happening on the planet, but the ground below is also breaking apart, I watch a road cracking and breaking apart and some high pressure water jets coming from underground hitting the ship. There is a part of the ship which was severely damaged, which breaks apart when hit by these water jets and falls into the surface. It brings me and a couple collagues down with it. We don't know what to do when on the ground. First we run after the ship (as if we were running after a car) but it is massive and it isn't stopping for us. Then we run through a town to find some specific place, I think maybe some place from where we can communicate with the ship. I and another girl, we lose track of our male colleague who was running ahead of us and he is the one with the coordinates. We emd up inside the building of an airport and I look for clues of where he might have headed. Anything. I find a decorative flower bed with some plaque identifying plants by numbers and I notice some numbers are not correlated to plant names as other numbers are and I assume it is a coded message he left for us, but it seems incomplete. My colleague thinks I am reading too much from nothing and that this was not made by him, it is just some random incomplete info on an abandoned airport.

      At my mom's, very early morning. But she isn't home, she is enjoying some well deserved vacations. Unexpectedly I have other family members with me, like my deceased uncle Zé F.. I am looking for bread, coffee and cereals to prepare breakfast. We have a TV in the kitchen and I am looking for some news or show to put on for my uncle and whomever else is with us. But all channels are playing weird stuff. On the public network they are playing some videoclip of hispanic rappers singing about gangs and I wonder why the hell they are playing that on what seems like a weekend morning. The videoclip grasps my attention as it is filmed in Lisbon. Then I am there, walking through old Lisbon. It's still early morning, so there are very few people on the streets, but groups are arriving and descending from buses. We're near some church or cathedral and I spot some weird poster on a wall that reads like a newspaper and ther is some news story that Greta Thunberg is dead in a car accident with her father. I am shocked and turn around to discuss it with someone but when I try showing them the poster where I read it, the poster is gone and I am confused. I decide to keep walking and I see a bunch of tourists hangin out and listening to a guide in front of the church. I realize they are catholic devotees. I think to myself this could be a lucid dream and I would use the chance to prank them.
      Then I realize it really is a dream. I think what to do and have no concrete idea, so I just lift off in the air to try to prank these believers by claiming to be some celestial apparition, but it doesn't go as planned. I feel a very intense undescribable sensation in my mind, as if I am not just flying, but dissolving from this dream reality and I get very dizzy. I notice the dream characters don't even notice me, so what's the point of trolling them. Instead I fly away from the city and over a hill full of trees and just enjoy the landscape while thinking what to do. I latch on to the top of the tallest tree I see and wonder what would it feel to shrink to microscopic level and explore its microscopic life. So slowly I shrink myself to the size of a bug and I go down inside a crevice on the tree trunk, feeling the textures of the wood and mosses and water dripping. Then slowly shrinking more. But I eventually reach a dark crevice with dirt and I can't see a thing and feel my body stuck and unable to move. I try not to panic, think about either shrinking more or just expand to full size and blow up the tree to get out. But I doubt my abilities for a second and then I no longer can't do any of it. I wait still for a little bit but the dream isn't changing, it's just me in a dark tight hole and I feel like I can't even turn my head. I am starting to panic and wondering if I am just experiencing sleep paralysis and not on a dream anymore. So I decide it is not worth it and it is better to wake up.
    14. 14 Apr: Everything moving backward except me and vertigo during a lucid

      by , 04-14-2022 at 08:50 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      Riverstone is driving, he enters a roundabout but instead of moving forward, starts moving backwards. I wonder what's going on, but he also starts talking backwards. Everything is moving and happening backwards and then it starts moving faster and faster until it all becomes a blur and I lose consciousness.

      At a beach house with Riverstone. There are four cute white kittens in the house. I go around checking for more and find a disgusting bathroom. Besides the kittens, I am starting to regret these vacations. But then we meet a couple friends who are also vacationing at the next house and they bring along his friend, none other than Joseph Gordon-Levitt and I no longer regret coming. We have lots of fun, I try to casually get a selfie with him.
      Then there is also Angelina Jolie and for some reason she is upset with me.

      I start getting lucid. I don't know what I did to piss Angelina, but just for fun I engage with her and try to apologize, which makes her even more pissed. I get bored, decide to drop it and go outside. I find myself in some city streets, wonder what to do and decide not to waste any more time with frivolities. I wanna meet face to face with Vajrasattva. But where? I feel like I should be at some proper place before summoning the buddha. Then I spot a bridge with a 50 mt tower somewhere in the middle of it and I decide I'll do it at the top of it. I get to its base and look up. Then look down to the bridge railings and I feel vertigo. I tell myself it is not dangerous as I can even fly and be in control, but as soon as a lift off a few meters up, I feel to scared to continue. Everything looks too real and the vertigo just gets worse. So I wake up.
    15. 10 Feb: Nudism, falling into void lucid, party and funeral

      by , 02-10-2022 at 10:02 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      At home with Riverstone, someone else and my dog Hachi. Strangely there is a balcony or deck over a cliff and we are chilling on lounge chairs. It reminds me of when I lounged in my parents balcony before they closed it. But this one is dangerous as there are no guard railings. I don't feel afraid, I am actually feeling totally happy as I never felt. I am even doing nudism and feeling comfortable in my naked body in the wind like I never felt before.


      I am walking down a corridor and it gets very dark, I feel like I am dropping out of the dream and I become lucid. I don't try to fight it, so I just free fall in the dark void with no expectation of what comes next. I just try to see the void as the nature of my mind and not be afraid of the referencelessness. I stop falling for some seconds and then I fall again, but I never try to control the outcome. Then finally it stops and I am in some dark room.

      At some party in a garden with a view over a city. I spot some bush with berries and I grab some to eat, but then find huge catterpillars in a gelatinous cocoon on the plant and it looks both awesome and disgusting. I show it to my mom. Then feel an itch in my hand and notice a big alergic reaction for having touched the berries and the slime of the cayterpillars. I rush to wash my hands.

      My mom is running a bakery but when I visit it, she is not there and I find strange that she left everything unfinished or out of place, like a cake half eaten on a table. I eat it, But she comes back soon and says one of her friends needs a ride somewhere and asks me if I can do it. It is inconvenient, but I offer to do it. He is going to a funeral. My dad offers to comes with me. Turns out that side by side with this funeral is also going on a funeral for my friend Nelson and I am shocked to find out this way that he died. For saving costs and the environment, the bodies are rapidly decomposed via a chemical process and in the end all that is left is a little biodegradable container with some liquid. Because both deceased expressed not wanting it to go anywhere, they just dispose of them both into some trash container and I am a bit upset. I wanted to pay homage to my friend some other way.
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