lucid

Date: 30 Jan

Pre bed: 400val, 45 mg B6

Wbtb: 1/3 latte

Overall impressions: vividness high, recall below average, pre wbtb recall close to zero

DILD: I am walking down the corridors of my school (DS) and we are supposed to have another class in a different classroom, so I don't know in which one we are right now (DS). I go to the where the teachers' room is and enter. It turns to a classroom from another part of the school and I examine the faces of the kids sitting there to determine if I'm in the right place. I see this small boy who has the features of my classmate as if he is 1st or 2nd grade and that jolts me into lucidity. The room is full of kids and I closely look at their faces trying to identify and expecting to see all of my classmates here (as in trying to recreate the past accurately). Most importantly, I am trying to recall and see exactly where is everyone sitting. There's a guy that looks like _ and _tells me that he sits alone, which I doubt, knowing he sits next to another guy. I start calling out names of particular classmates while trying to determine if the seating is correct.

For a second I think I see a doppelgänger of a classmate. I look at the first desk where at least according to a vague memory _ may be sitting or a dream memory, I have dreamt of that room so many times that my dream memories are also partially accessible and get mixed with real ones. There's another girl that doesn't belong here so I move her to the side leaving only _ here and contemplating. The teacher is about to begin the class, but with me acting so commandingly she seems to pause. I make an announcement that the class won't start until I identify and arrange all the classmates and continue looking around. As I stare at this classmate, I finally remember that I wanted to try to read a book and tell her to give me something to read. She hands me/I notice a paper notebook on the desk. I'm slightly uncertain if this will work, as I may run into some school materials. Anyways, I start browsing the notebook paper pile and get my hands on some sort of book. I try to read the title, which is a mix of words that don't make sense and I make an effort to understand what the book is about - something about hands, there is an illustration at the front cover and it looks like some sort of karate manual. I find this pretty cool and look forward to learning karate from this book.

If I'm not mistaken, I take another look at the front cover title and try to reason it out but it changes again as I try to assign some meaning to it. Then I begin browsing the pages and read one of them. The text stabilizes and I read the first sentence with great effort, but I get the meaning without actually reflecting too much on the words. It's a Mongolian story about one of their leaders. I browse more and every couple of pages there are beautiful manually drawn pictures, that look like little paintings that show what's happening in the story. He was supposed to participate in a horse racing in the village. I see a picture of the place after the race, empty now. I look at couple more pics but it's hard to memorize them all, then do back to the front page and title that I am still trying to figure out. Now on the cover is a very peculiar drawing of a house attached to a sleigh or whatever that thing is. The part of the title talking about hands now refers to bamboo and the act of practicing with care. I keep wondering about the title while the dream fades away.

Date: 24 Jan

Pre bed: 200mg val, 50mg B6

Wbtb: 1/4 latte

Wasn't very wakeful even though repeated mantras a few times, fell asleep rather fast, had a few non-lds I can't recall

DILD: I am having a tense conversation with this female DC I know. She starts criticizing me. I reply that as a revenge I will then do something to make her feel the same way she makes me feel with all her comments. While this is a rather habitual mental reaction, I notice that contrary to other times I don't feel anything at that very moment. Still, as part of my revenge scheme I take her and turn her upside down in front of all the DCs in the room to publicly humiliate her.

As I stare at her, I notice that she just stays there, like a motionless puppet and become lucid. We're in a very large meeting room with a long table in the middle and lots of DCs participating in some corporate event. I'm in a daring mood and decide it's time to defy social rules by getting on the table in the middle of this meeting. Then I almost lose lucidity being carried away by thoughts of how all of the world's problems may be solved by by issuing unlimited credit cards to the entire population.

I keep thinking about this issue as I leave the place and continue towards an unknown city center. There to help me focus more I shout out loud "I am dreaming". There was a slight instability so this helps me ground as well.

Then I remember the invisibility task and go in the middle of the road pretending to be invisible.There are cars coming from all directions but as soon as I pay attention to them, they hit the breaks and spin a bit. I turn around and the same thing happens again. Then I see this huge truck coming in my direction. I start waving hands, checking if the driver can see me. He doesn't hit the brake or slow down and the truck is quickly coming closer. I step to the side to avoid the impact. There's little space between me and the truck, my uncontrolled expectations cause it to fall sideways on top of me, where I feel this huge weight on me. I try to move and free my head, but this results in a physical feeling, which gives me the impression I have just moved in my bed. I expect to wake up any moment but get an FA instead.

I believe that I have woken up for real and the first thing I notice is this piano music coming from the outside. I'm actually in the neighbors where we used to live some time ago and look to find where the music is coming from. I see this girl that I remember (possibly from another dream but could be false memory) who got that piano there and something about her. As if that isn't enough, the balcony is crowded - many people in their 20s and 30s dressed with business attire as if attending some sort of event. I'm think this is just too much when I am trying to fall asleep and decide this can only be a dream, reminding myself that I was trying to ld. Can't member how, but it seems I lose consciousness after that and have another FA.

I think in the beginning, I'm looking from the window to see what's down but then the scene changes and we move to this wooden porch. I initially see this strange big animal that looks suspiciously like a DS, I can't tell what kind of animal it is. Then there is a smaller one and I'm still trying to identify the large one. I'm starting to have some real doubts about this and begin to count the animals, one now looks like a bear and can't remember the rest but there's four of them. I conclude this is a dream and go to interact with one of the animals. It looks like a very large black boar/tapir and as I place my hand on its snout, it bites me and it even hurts.

I move slightly to the left and examine the rest of the area, where I notice a number of elephant-like creatures. I think they are separated from the porch, but no cage, it looks much like in a zoo. At some point the elephants begin to distort in features, open mounts and start roaring very louldy in a generally unpleasant manner. I try to stop them by thinking I want them to stop, but nothing happens and more join the roaring event. I remain there staring at them as they do so, kind of calm, but there's also this deeper inner response to their roaring, which surely is what is affecting them. I think that the problem is exactly this feedback loop - I am thinking that they are roaring, therefore they continue roaring. Then conveniently, I recall the inivible task and think it can be applied quite nicely here. I think that I am invisible. To my genuine surprise, at this very moment all the roaring stops for good.

I'm curisous to how far I can take this with my supposed invisibility and turn around and try to sneak out, while carefully listening for any reaction. The dream fades.

Notes: I have reduced B6 dosage to 50mg as previously it made me too wakeful. Recent valerian series - characterized by difficult recall, lower lucidity levels and more bizarre occurrences, in particular animals.

Date: 21 Jan

Entry 2/2

I thoroughly review in head the previous dreams and get more insomnia

Vaguely recall these two as I fell asleep afterwards.

DILD: I am in this yard like it was in the past, much wider, etc. Know I am dreaming and think of music. It think there was happiness, confidence and possibly thoughts about something before this part.

I start to sing or expect to hear a song. My subcon picks up a dream remix of "heal the world" by M. Jackson. I concentrate on making it sound like sung by a choir and hear the music loudly coming from everywhere and into me. Notice a few instruments too, really nice. I keep singing with the music but at some point I don't know the lyrics so that makes it hard for the music to continue. In addition, the more I become one with the music coming all around me, the more I lose sight of the yard and the dream and become blind. The dream soon fades.

I may have a micro awakening or so, no review, continue sleepying.

DILD:Don't remember the beginning of the dream. I am in this room, talking to bf and open and close a few doors, where I think about not locking them as it is a dream.

Bf is going somewhere but before I can say anything else, he vanishes. There's a stick that I decide to leave outside, should I need it for defense? I also notice a strange gurgling sound coming from a pipe, find it interesting. I go back to the same room, there were lots of bed there before but now it's a single connected bed the size of four beds is covering most of the room.

I remember I wanted to play with my ipad, so I try to summon it by drawing its shape with my fingers. It's funny because I do this instinctively rather than consciously. While there's a rectangular shape in progress, it isn't working to produce an ipad and on the bed just below my hands is my ipad so I grab it and try to stretch the frame. It happens, just as if I was dragging the image of a frame on a PC. I expand the screen to a TV size, then have to apply a bit more stretching as it does not stay in the desired shape for long. It gets small again. I think about trying to control the image.

Then something happens outside and now there are two scary zombi-like DCs and they are about to enter the place. I try to close the door although know they will get in anyways. I decide to face them and affect them. Actually, I feel quite confident and no matter how ugly they are (especially one with something coming out of his mouth), I just feel positivity and so spread it to them. They become quite happy and we just hang in there like drunk buddies. I stare in the eyes of one of them, he feels like a phantom rather than real person and is not looking at me with any purpose/driving force. The dream soon fades.

I black out before being able to journal and have a few other dream fragments.

Date: 21 Jan

Entry 1/2

Pre bed: 3mel

Wbtb: 1/3 latte, had trouble falling asleep (external factors)

At some point, I begin to feel energetic as has been occasionally the case, but interrupt the process by visiting the restroom. Finding a comfortable position is not easy.

WILD: Finally, I turn to my lhs and remain still for some time. Then find myself staring at this DC woman with green blouse, it feels like I'm in.

I make cautious movements, trying to get up from the same position I was sleeping, initially just move my head. A slight scene change, I am now in my old room. I begin rocking sideways, the way I did at the beginning of another ld. This makes me feel more comfortable/fit in my dream body. Then I fully get up. The dream feels slightly unstable and I head for the window, where I tear down the curtains and look outside.

It is dark as hell, no light in the apartment and not a single light in the entire town. I remember to look at the sky - it's mostly clear, a slight mist and no stars at all. I look to my right and feel a bit creeped out. It is dark there. My worry is that I might summon something by habit. I recall I wanted to and shortly do breathing exercises. The effect is very powerful, I feel lots of saturated energy coming in and as part of me.

I decide to get in and turn around, it is a bit brighter in the room. I head towards the switch and turn it on. No light. Then I concentrate on the bulb and try to make light radiate from it, there's some effect but the room does not get brighter. I imagine another lamp and try to do the same with similar results.

Maybe I can use some candles, so I summon three small blue candles and work hard to light them. I've always thought that lighting a candle should be easy in a dream, but it turns out not. I just can't imagine the fire I guess. The wicks get bigger and fluffier and the candles change to larger ones and I make some fire-like sparks with my hands, rubbing the wick, hoping it will catch fire and use the other candles to spread it. They appear to have a ghostlike fire now, but don't emit much light as I place them around. I am annoyed with my abilities, but feel that I just need to do some fire gazing irl to improve them.

I retreat to the bed and examine the furniture. There's lots of stuff around and it looks as if I am back in this room. I wonder about how accurate the proportions are. It's exactly the same size. Most of the objects belong to the particular time frame when I lived there, but there is the blanket from our current home. Then a sofa from our old place appears for my amusement. I think about doing more breathing exercises (maybe just a few breaths?, not much done or effect) and contemplate on my life while living there. In the meantime, it is a much brighter day outside, when did that happen? Cool!

At some point I notice that I am holding a melting candle in my hand and decide to extinguish it and put it aside, but somehow feel that this symbolic act means the end of the dream. Indeed, just a bit later, the dream starts to thin out.

I think I did touch on my body very briefly, but it might have been a in-dream chain.

DEILD/DILD: I eagerly wait for the next scene, wondering if it will be in the same place. I see (kind of like in third person) myself walking in bathrobe in this place. I'm in properly now and have the ability to look around and choose where I want to go. It's inside a building and I look at this open door which reveals a softly lit bedroom apartment. I briefly consider it, but prefer to go outside, so head towards the door. It seems that it is still winter, piles of semi-thawed snow and I am not properly dressed, but for once boldly go outside. I try to phase through the glass door, but it's solid so I just open it. As I pass through the back entrance of the building and yard I see that part of the yard is sunlit and feel happy about that. Maybe I will finally have the opportunity to look for a palace looking building once I get to the street. I also think about possibly being invisible, but not sure how to apply at this point.

There are different levels of the side of the building, so I have to maneuver by climbing near a balcony to manage reaching the front of the building. I see a weirdly shaped gray cat there and wonder if it is a real cat and can see me (cats are supposed to see things like people possibly obeing), but it doesn't react like it would if that were the case. It's controlled by my thoughts and comes closer. There's something not very catlike in it, like another sort of animal I can't identify. I don't want to get too involved (and have it stuck to me like a blanket) so ignore it and think about finding the palace. There are only normal buildings around and I think I need to get in the middle of the street where I would get a clearer (trees here) view of the buildings and hopefully think of or see something appropriate.

In the middle of the street and my mood is great, sun is shining brighter too. I do some sort of bounce where I float and remain mid air and then gently float up. Very pleasant feel. I come near this tree with very small bipinnate leaves (possibly closest to honey locust tree, but with thicker leaves), it looks very beautiful. I'm starting to lose height so wonder if I should use the nearby thin end of the branch to hold on to, but with the delicate tree leaves this is not going to be very nice for the tree. I prefer not to do any mess on the tree even if a dream tree.

[mood change]

In the meantime, I see two female DCs that I identify as bitches down on the street. My attention is directed at them, I want to and then do something to one of them. I briefly wonder why the hell do I have these desires with those bitches, one of them looks a bit like Rachel Weiss. Luckily, even after what I have done, I manage to control my impulse and don't get a sexy feeling. I think about my tasks again. I am now in what reminds me of my school but the building is kind of shifty/unstable. I think that maybe I should summon my dad and he will drop me off the palace. The dream fades.

Date: 10 Jan

Pre bed: turmeric

Sleep was rather bad, like I was lacking some sleep chemicals, recall from non-lds pre bed - close to zero.

Wbtb: felt sleepy, had 1/3 latte

DILD+DEILDs: In a room and there's this kid from my childhood and he is somewhat grown up now. I am thinking about that. He's naked from the torso up and is sweating while vacuum cleaning. I am sitting behind a desk, contemplating and the thought that I was supposed to be lding comes to mind.

I begin to examine the surroundings and wonder if this could be a dream. Yet my thoughts are so orderly and organized at this moment and everything feels more like real life than dream (no usual dreamy feeling).

I keep thinking in what feels like a daylife manner, reflecting on lack of dream feeling. I know that in such a case I have to perform a RC, but I don't see any sense (like it's possibly going to fail). Something in me tries to convince me and kind of distantly makes me feel that right now my body is in horizontal position and asleep. I conclude that it is a dream and remember my goals. There is a black girl with ponytail and I reverse the inital plan (make an old man younger for the opposites task) and decide that I will make a potion to make her age instead. I feel conscientious about doing this to a little girl and how evil it looks, but really want to see the results.

There are a number of small items like two small cups, nail-size gemstones and something else I can't recall. While the dream is generally very stable, it begins to thin out at this point and I am left feeling concentration wise powerless and slowly find myself back in my body. Not ready to let go I remain still and short afterwards the I am back in the same dream.

It comes slightly as a surprise that I succeeded to resume from the same place, but welcome it and continue mixing my potion that looks like a shot of cough syrup. If I am not mistaken by the time I'm done mixing the dream thins out again and I am shortly back in my body.

The dream resumes again. This time I wait a bit before undertaking any task related action, thinking it may be proper to stabilize at this point so I unconvincingly rub my hands and run my fingers through a nearby towel, feeling it's texture. At this point the little girl and my childhood friend are nowhere in sight. I move away from where I was standing and look around, the entire room looks extremely realistic and detailed, filled to the brim with objects. It's like I am really in someone's room or a life memory. There are way too many objects for me to memorize so I don't try to, just remember a number of toy boxes with something written on the them in red, and a very prominent display of video games. There are two black gaming machines like from the late 80s.

The DC of my bf comes from somewhere as I am examining the room. Suddenly, I feel coldness on my feet and look below to see that I am barefoot and feel the cold coming from the green tiles on the floor. This is simply amazing and this whole dream feels incredibly life like detailed and stable (not so much vivid as detailed). I analyze this and share it with my bf who agrees with me. At this point I briefly wonder whether I might have run accross a smart DC and should ask some questions, but then remember my other tasks.

This time it feels appropriate to summon a DC and work from there. I decide I want to call Mrs. and think about her. The part of the apartment where I am looking, mentally calling for her is a bit dark and I briefly worry a scary DC might appear instead, but in a second, a DC that closely resembles her comes in. She has some sort of hat/bandage on the head. I get closer and begin to examine her face, she has lots of wrinkles on her forehead, around the mouth and saggy cheeks. I place my palms above her face to cover the places I want to change and then move my hands away. Initially, her face remains the same, but after a few more procedures the wrinkles visibly diminish. She doesn't look as young as I wanted but at least her skin is in much better condition, as if she just had a facelift.

Somewhere around this moment, the dream fades again. I know the drill and continue as usual, in the meantime become worried about my memories after each blackout/deild. I mentally count the number of blackouts to be sure, 3.

Back in the same room. I feel that I have spent too much time with this task, while there were other main tasks I had in mind. Time to go out and look for a palace. I head for the window and look down. Nooo! The whole dream continues to be worryingly detailed and realistic and it doesn't feel like a good idea to jump out of the window. I gather courage and hang on to nearby windows and water pipes to go down.

On the street I look around for a suitable building but become overwhelmed. In every direction I look are closely packed residential buildings. Finally, one of the streets seems somewhat less cluttered with a larger building at the distance that leads me to believe there's enough room for a palace round the corner. As I head in that direction, I have to wait for a large industrial truck part that's slowly coming out of a garage to make a turn and continue in, of course, the same direction as me. I manage to squeeze between the building wall and the large truck part and reach the end of the street.

Unfortunately, this turns to end of town cars-only road with lots of concrete and weirdly shaped boulders, cars passing by in close proximity. I think that I don't want to change the dream too aggressively as not to compromise the coherence. But maybe not everything is lost, I just have to find a way to cross over and go to what seems like a more appealing part of town. The dream fades.

Date: 08 Jan

Pre bed: 3mel

Wbtb: 1/3 latte, around 34 mg caffeine

I'm quite sleepy and resist waking myself too much, but still try to stay as awake as possible while in bed, repeating mantras and goals. I fall asleep with some long deep REM rebound.

DILD: It's a very long dream where me and parents get ready for a trip. Then I meet a DC that feels like a kindred sprit, I am eager to discuss with him possible solutions to a problem we both have.

A few moments later, I realize that this is a dream and remember my goals, freeze water and go fishing. The guy disappears somewhere. I am walking in what looks like a park and as I think about the task, I see that there are large puddles of water all around. Initially, I try to use them for the task even though they are too shallow and begin freezing them by willing it as well as by placing my hands down over one of them, where while they freeze, they emanate coldness and there's a cool mist effect lifting from the puddles! But then I realize this isn't going to work for the task and walk a bit further where there's a much larger and deeper body of water, like a pond.

I will the water to turn to ice, but to my surprise nothing happens. This annoys me. I contemplate whether to just get on the water as if it is frozen, but am uncertain if it will work, if I continue to expect to sink if I step on it. In the meantime, the water finally freezes. When I look at the surface, I see that part of it begins to melt already and dig with my hands in the softened ice to make a hole. This happens quite easily with no discomfort from the cold. There's some coldness, but it's ok, since I didn't think about it too much. I put my hands through the hole, reaching as far as I can and expecting to run across a catch.

I wait for a while but there's nothing around them and it gets kind of creepy what might be lurking in the darkness below the ice. In the area that's partially covered with ice, I can now see a number of small fish swimming around and succeed in catching one. It is a small tropical butterfly type fish but silver and red. As I hold it, my bf appears next to me and I tell him to take a picture, which I so much wish I could bring to rl, but before he can take the pic, the fish escapes.

I become so happy that have completed the task, I lose lucidity and begin to tell the dream to myself. After a while, I realize the dream is still going. Now I'm on the street in some neighborhood, there is an unconscious movement from my part and I end up floating in mid air, slightly above the ground, very stable though. I correctly recall this feeling from many dreams I had and exclaim to myself that taking off isn't as difficult as I have thought (previously irl). This is a good opportunity to practice a bit of flying and I do some flight manipulation, where I try to think of the direction and my body flies well in that direction. Then I try to take a turn and go in the opposite direction, but it doesn't quite work.

More rather random movements mid air and then I fly high up near a tall residence building, where I climb the last three stories using my hands. I somehow take a step back (see the building from a distance, although I am at the level of the third to last story). A black dotted panther on the balcony catches my attention. It looks kind of small, but actually it is the right size compared to the balcony and the stuff around it. The whole building seems small as if I am looking at it from a distance, yet I am very close to it. I briefly pay attention to that, but then wonder no more. There is a dalmatian in the apartment with the panther and I just so love exploring people's places, like in many non-lds. On the balcony below is a centipede, a very long one, apparently the same size as the panther (fits the balcony lenght). It doesn't look very appealing and I see two more on different balconies, I become vaguely aware that I am causing the one-many effect.

At some point I discarded the idea of going for Toty, because I thought the dream might end, but since it's still going, I decide to give it a try. Somehow, I go down to the ground and begin exploring a dream version of a familiar street. The bus station is here, only residential buildings, some larger buildings appear, but nothing that looks like a palace. I head towards the larger buildings that seem suitable and try to think that one of them is a palace. It starts to change, more and more detail is added and it becomes a flashy top notch casino. I still believe I could change it to a palace by trying to add a few columns at the entrance, but just increase the level of detail/casino quality.

I move on to the next building's entrance, which I recognize as some sort of amusement area. There's a distant dream memory also at work. Since I don't feel I'll get anywhere further with the palace, I eagerly get in, looking forward to having some fun. At this point I remember a dream where I took a super cool ride at a place that looked like this and become very excited. The lobby of the place where they sell the tickets is visitor empty, there's just the guy that sells the tickets, a girl that will ride with me and a male DC. The tall male DC next to my right is accompanying me to the cashier and I get a number of false memories and begin to have romance thoughts about him.

The DC at the desk gives me weird instructions of how to properly hold to the cart and my behavior while next to the girl that's also taking the ride. She is new, so I have to be careful. Bla bla, my lucidity level is dropping. I go to the girl and we wait to be let in to the ride but the dream finally fades and I wake up.

Date: 05 Jan

Noisy neighbors and dehydration = wbtb

I drift in and out of sleep. There's a short non-ld where I observe and discuss a huge dog, two other large dogs and their owners. We take pictures.

DILD: This one started right after the non-ld as separate dream. I was looking forward to an ld after the neighbor induced wbtb.

I begin to feel the surroundings and hear a gentle tune as if coming from a toy or a music box. I am aware. This time things happen much slower and I notice that indeed, it was dark around me and then suddenly I open my eyes and see. The room is bright and vivid and dream-like liquid. This is supposed to be our kitchen. I'm happy I noticed the opening of the eyes. In this official dream entry/realization moment the melody makes a concluding sound, it then starts again. I find one of those kid toys that produce similar effects and make it play. I still hear the gentle tune plus there is a second layer of slower modern music (like a techno beat) in the background. I enjoy this for a while, having the feeling that I left the tablet on and the music is seeping in the dream.

For my disappointment, I ascertain that there is no one here and I wanted to do the resolution task again. I approach the window and see that the neighbor's place is just below, there is a bed and his entire room is accessible. Without hesitating, I get down and end up in his bed, but then have second thoughts. Things look kind of real, what if this is rl and I am trespassing? I decide to do a nose plug, it fails, but I notice the feeling is somewhat different from rl. I'm kind of annoyed and can't remember any other RCs to confirm. Finally, I conclude that I probably wouldn't be that crazy to do this normally and resume my activities.

My hope was to find the neighbor in his room, but there's no one there so I go around. It's a huge apartment complex in an unknown place. I pass by the windows of a closed store, some really nice sweaters inside and I almost lose lucidity thinking about the brand and design. I continue on my way to see another store, also closed. It's dark on the streets, like the city in early morning with no people in sight, apart for a guy that goes in the direction where I came from. I think he is another neighbor and then the realization hits me that I can ask him. I go back and follow him to his place. He soon comes down being a completely different DC (tribal dots on his face) with two other DCs accompanying him. He claims they are neighbors. I also introduce myself as a his neighbor and ask him about his NY resolutions. He replies he doesn't have time now, because he just met the other neighbors and it's one per weekend thing.

I insist on getting my answer, "don't worry I am not going to bother you, just tell me what your New Year's resolution is". He starts talking but I can't catch the words, the sound is muffled. He mentions something about a woman and then after repeated questioning from my side finally replies "I want to be someone they always remember, always want to know". Oh, that is beautiful, I exclaim and repeat his sentence a few more times to commit to memory. Two other DCs come in. I try to remember my other tasks but before I do, the dream fades.

Date:03 Jan

Wbtb: around 50 caffeine (latte), way too wakeful again

WILD: I finally feel as if I am not in bed anymore but somewhere else, so allow myself to look around (don't remember opening the eyes?). Yes, I am in an unknown room that has a slight resemblance to grandma's place.

At this point I recall 3 tasks and notice that there isn't a single DC here. The dream feels unstable and I recall that we talked how 501 would examine his hands in detail to anchor himself in the dream and decide to do so. I have a good look at my hands, which look quite realistic and similar to my real ones and move on to my arm where I concentrate on the fine hairs. I also remember to do the old classic stabilization where I lick my arm but with little effect. I still feel the dream slipping away and nervously walk around, thinking maybe I would try this opposite task I had in mind, but I begin to lose vision. The lower part of my vision becomes a blur and I begin to feel weightless, so conclude now isn't a good time for that particular task.

My vision gets somewhat better. I turn around and see a window, a good opportunity to get out of here. There is distinct coldness emanating from outside and I am sure it will help me freshen up and condense me back to normal. Before going out, I briefly wonder whether to bring a blanket or something, since the air is chilly. I open the window and push myself outside. In the meantime, a girl passes by carrying a blanket that she drops nearby. I ask her about her NY resolution but can't hear what she replies. The dream collapses.

DEILD: I very briefly touch on my body and concentrate on dreaming again. There's a confusing mid point dreamlet where I remain in darkness and can hear women talking around me, I keep still, waiting for the dream.

I feel a scene change, but decide I will wait a bit longer to allow the dream to fully form and maybe it will be more stable. I finally conclude it is ok to move and begin exploring. I am in my old room and can see that the voices from the previous part belong to a number of women. They are sitting on couches around a table with food and drinks as if there's some sort of party going on. A friend from school is also there.

I remember the NY resolution task and make an announcement that I would like to hear what their resolutions are. My friend says "I want some juice" and points at the table. A bit unsatisfied with the answer I move on to the next woman who looks in her forties and repeat the same question. She just stares at me with her mouth open. I wait a bit but not a single word comes out. There's another woman sitting next to her and I address her "what about your beautiful friend sitting next to you?", I feel as if I am moderating some sort of show. She says something about a friendship club in New York. I try to memorize as much as possible. The dream soon ends.

I make a quick review in mind and wonder if I should try to go back for more but really need to visit the restroom.

I also remember a fragment that I can't allocate, where I was looking at a blue/grayish backpack with something written on it by CL.

Date: 25 Dec

Wbtb: sleepy so only 5-10min with 35-40 mg caffeine (Red Bull)

Dream quality: vivid, shifty items, recall evading

The ld part is preceded by a short non-ld FA fragment I barely recall.

LD Frag: In the next scene, I am walking down the street lucid. There was something going on here, not sure what. I decide I want to have some fun (part habit part task) climbing up a building. The dream is already very shifty. I go up climbing this building where I easily place my hands even though the distance between the frames of each window fitting my left and right hand separately is out of day life proportion. I keep on climbing but when I reach the end of the building, last floor, another one appears, I climb it, this repeats two more times, then I think about the roof and finally reach it. Some thoughts about having to draw the wall of china, looking for a place to do it. Evading recall at this point but I want to go down and the whole thing happens quite quickly. I descend but at the same time am still holding on to the building with one hand. As I almost reach the ground I stop and look to see what's going on - my hand has stretched all the way down to where I am. I have some more thoughts about this and as far as I can remember the dream soon ends.

Not sure if I touched on my body to deild or chained in dream. Don't remember.

LD: In an office building now, want to cross over to next building, very distracted as something is going on in the building, announcement to all employees which are going somewhere. Between the two buildings are a few red wires and I am confident that I will be able to walk on them. As I try to adjust them for an easier use, they change so that there are two additional wires I could eventually hold on to with my hands.

Not sure if I cross the entire distance or just a part of it, memory is hazy, in the next moment I also do some vertical climbing. This time I have the realization that there are invisible horizontal lines that have been helping me with my climbings all along, therefore it should be easy to climb even on empty space. I touch the air above me, trying to feel an edge or something to hold on to. Initially there's nothing, then I hold on to something, although I also summon some sort of intangible wall/building part as well. I climb a bit upwards in the air.

I finally recall the snowman task. It's dark and there is already some snow on the street but it's not enough. I scan the area, looking for a place with more snow. Initially see these kids that are playing with the snow, in the process of building a snowman. I have a mix of real and false memories, where I remember that this is how Steph completed the TOTM, she built the snowman together with some kids. I don't want the task execution to be exactly the same, therefore I go to another place.

Here there's also lots of snow on the ground, cars and there are two snowmen in progress. I'm also thinking about journalling at this point and whether it is ok to use the half-ready snowmen. I decide to add the finishing touches on one of them and decorate the head. Conveniently, there are a number of items right next to the snowmen, so I just pick up the carrot nose and also put a woolen blue hat on it. I get some sort of dream memory from the hat and remark that the snowman looks very much like D (a schoolmate, who also makes lots of appearances in my dreams, come to think about it he does wear a blue hat). Two other classmates are now here and we are discussing this, while I am also thinking about how to journal this dream.

Without much effort and while I am not looking at him, the snowman turns into the real D and looks kind of pissed off. We irritate him more by making laughing noises behind his back. Can't recall the conversations. Another classmate appears, D is now friendlier I address them both to help me draw the wall of China. Me and the other classmate turn to look at what's across the street where I want to make the wall of China appear. He tells me he doesn't quite know how to draw it but will try.

With no further involvement (apart from comments I can't recall) from his side, I find a spot in the distance and make a few predetermined moves with my hand. Immediately, I get a sort of a large long rocky structure, obviously not what I want. I look away, say something to my classmate then try again in another place. This time the result is better, it is a close match to the Great Wall, although its existence is uncertain/shifty. Some thought processes going on again, do not draw it again or you will change it, do not lose it out of sight, now I need to get there. It shortly disappears, after couple more thoughts and looking appears again. Now it is on a much more convenient place.

We are are at the bottom of an overcrowded with items hill and the wall of China, which has a middle age touch to it, slightly lighter stone color, is stretching from the bottom of the hill to the very top. I enter and get on top of the structure, which is made of small steps in the middle. Some task confusion, I take a couple of steps to make it count (even though this wasn't part of the task). Then remember what I was supposed to do - vandalize.

I look around, the two walls to the side are made of lots of lined statues and I take a heavy metal statue and use it to start breaking the rest. Then I come across a miniature with one of the Sumerian gods/guardians wondering what's that doing here. I don't want to break it. In the meantime, next to the wall the surroundings have changed and I am now in some sort of open air Asian temple, where they honor the ancestors. There is also a creepy dark female deity statue near the part with the wall of China. I feel bad for recking havoc in this place. It surely is enough for the task. What was next - apologize? (I truly think this is part of the task). No, I have to fight the authorities. But then, let's apologize anyways, I do so. Ok, now I have to find some Chinese to fight, I try to summon them, but the dream thins out and I wake up.

Date: 21 Dec

Natural wake: 100mg Gingko

Wbtb: 60 mg caffeine, latte

As I am staying still, relaxing, I get the familiar sense of gentle tingling or whatever, but change positions too often to allow it to deepen and possibly feel my dream body detach.

I partially recall zooming in on the beard (barely grown) of someone I know and having some thoughts about it, but was quickly pulled out of the dreamlet.

In the beginning before the wild, I vaguely recall experiencing similar physical sensations of someone trying to interact with me, but ignored them to fall asleep.

Mini-wild: I finally find myself in a dream, looking at this guy I know, there's another DC next to him as well. I try to engage in the dream, so place my hand on his head and touch the fence. This is on the street of my current place. It's quite dark and I carefully try to move, but my head is slightly constrained and I have some sort of tunnel vision (not sure if seeing with one eye or two). I manage to turn around and think about moving with super speed. Without much effort my body speeds up towards the end of the street, I take a turn and continue moving super fast on the next street. The dream quality is still bad, dark and my speed moving makes me see lots of people and items quickly coming in and out of sight. I slow down to contemplate on my goals, whereby I try to remember the exact sequence of things I wanted to do. Just as I remember, the dream falls apart and I find myself back in bed.

I am back in my real bed, aware of the true and exact position of my body, yet at the same time, I have the very physical sensation of someone touching me, trying to wake me up. I think this person also said something. The whole thing is super realistic and I begin to wonder if someone is really trying to wake me up. I ignore what's happening, but the physical feeling of there being someone and wake shaking me persists. I feel creeped out and turn over then it disappears.

Too awake now to continue sleeping.

Date: 19 Dec

Natural wake:500 mg ginseng

Wbtb: 22 mg caffeine

LD: We are four guys in some city in the past like the 30-50s in the winter. It feels as if we belong to a gangster organization or so and have just walked away from this store where we got some expensive long winter coats, mine was grey, the other guy's white, without paying. A group of other men is standing nearby, ready to come after us.

I become lucid but decide to play along (didn't check on my body if I was still a guy) and allow them to go after us and get the gang to start running. The bad guys slowly start coming in our direction, while we are discussing how to escape. I see a large city river running between the buildings and decide I will use it as a quick way out. My companions are a bit unsure of this, but they follow me as I go ahead with the idea I have in mind. Not quite sure if it will work, but it does. Just as I wanted, the surface of the river freezes and we get on the ice, gliding forward for couple of seconds, then walking and running. I turn back to check on the bad guys, they still seem to be in the distance. I try to manipulate the thought of where they will be. Yet, since they only seem to exist when I turn back, they are at a random distance each time. From what I can remember, the river turns into a melting snow street, I feel the dream destabilizing and try to control my speed. At some point I am running very fast, but it feels really weird as I don't feel my body the same way, whatever.

I lose track of some of my companions, then I remember I wanted to summon a horse (or raindeer) and this will be the perfect opportunity to use it to to ride faster than the chasers. Not sure how to proceed about this since I am still running, I pretend that I am already on a horse and feel as if I am riding it. The guy from our group in front of me is now riding a horse and I get the feeling that I am too. This whole thing is happening too fast for me to notice what's below, my vision is shaking from the movement and I look to the side to see if I am at a higher distance from the ground and I am. It feels as if I am riding a horse, but I am sure that there's no horse. Oh, well.

We soon reach the end of the road, get inside ? At this point the dream is quite unstable and things change a lot. I still check if the chasers are after us, and of course they are. Trying to use my eyes to spot the best place to go, I look for a place that looks more appealing. Some sort of flooded sewer, no. I just want a place where the dream continues on the street. As I look around everything closes and becomes dead end. Oops. I wonder what to do, contemplating a phase if things get too heated up and but turn around and decide to face them. The chasers are now here (since I kept thinking about them) and this guy carrying a large spiked club is getting closer. At this point, I conclude I went way too far with this "game" and mentally prepare being hit with the club. Then I remember that CL didn't feel any pain in a recent dream and maybe nothing will happen after all. The guy swings at me, but indeed nothing happens, did he even hit me?

I decide the moment is good to practice some kung fu. Another attacker approaches and we get into a struggle, but he's too hard to move initially. I still manage to throw him on the ground 2 times yet he doesn't seem to be hurt. I get distracted by thoughts and leave him standing, contemplating how are we (there is no we, but I still follow the scenario) going to deal with the bad guys. As soon as I think about us, my companions are back, but different DCs, we are five now, with a female classmate of mine being part of the team. Each of us will deal with each of them (they are four). Now there's this completely different DC attacker and I start getting a completely different idea of how to deal with him, we can seduce him with my classmate. This thought is enough and he is no longer menacing and I have other things on my mind. At this point and probably for the best, the dream ends.

Date: 8 Dec

Entry 2/2

[Summary of non-ld part]:

In school, invited by teacher and classmates to go to the movies. One of them forgets an item belonging to her husband and we go back. On the way back, I lose sight of my classmates and go to bring another item to another classmate that was previously in the room, going to her place.

Her place looks pretty weird with some guys going to a sauna room next to her door. The room turns into a bathroom and I have a look at my reflection, my hair's different but I like it too much to realize something's off. After a while of vanity staring, with the place now a trailer on the street, I identify that my features aren't exactly supposed to look like this and it finally hits me.

My memory is kind of blurry about the surroundings but I remember getting out of the trailer, then walking to this U turn, where I begin to feel the dream thinning. I immediately start rushing without any purpose, can't think of any tasks either, which adds to my worries. I tell myself to stop doing this and try to look around instead, notice some sort of store where I try to read the name. This seems to take the attention off dream instability and helps fix things.

I'm in the middle of a heavy traffic road, cars going in both directions. I feel like I want to push couple of vans off the road to test my abilities. I try pushing one, but to my surprise, it feels heavy as a real van. I continue until managing to make a number of vans lift off in the air, then throw them using tk near the road. Then I turn around to the traffic behind me, lift a number of cars, allow them to stay in the air for a while then tk drag them to the same place I left the previous ones. At some point a few of the cars in the air start to morph into chunks of metal and emit this strong metallic smell.

There's a bit of green (like grass and trees) on the scene but overall I don't like the composition. I command the traffic to stop and try to mentally prevent any new cars from coming and think about cleaning up around. How should I do that, erase the pile of metal crap? Then I remember I wanted to try drawing with the finger. The scenery in front of me has many levels, but I find an empty spot where the end of the scenery meets the blue sky and draw a triangle here and concentrate on seeing what's going to happen. Indeed, there is a ghost-like shape and especially in the beginning it is the Great pyramid, the right proportions and color. A bit later it becomes somewhat pointier and the stone darker, more like a Nubian pyramid. I give it a try to fix it a bit, but it more or less remains the same. And of course, it is unfortunately too far. I know I have to reach it as fast as possible.

Not too used to flying, I start swimming in the air, floating towards the pyramid pretty successfully. Interestingly, I also breathe the same way I would during swimming. The scenery in front of me is an mix of steep hills and walls. I keep swim flying, reaching one of the walls, see cameras and barbed wire. At this point I think about the title of the journal entry, this is the most guarded pyramid in the world (already thinking about journaling!). Swim flying and climbing, I am getting closer to the top of the structure, when I see that the pyramid has turned into a number of houses and radio tower. I want to do the drawing again, but the dream fades.

(Now, I kind of feel a bit guilty of drawing exactly the same thing as CL, but it was the first thing that came to mind. Also, should have thought more about the pyramid, rather than titles)

Date: 08 Dec

Entry 1/2

Wbtb: did a shorter than usual wbtb from a natural wake where I had 1/3 latte. Did a quick goal revision and couple of mantras, felt asleep within a reasonable amount of time.

Had about 3 vivid dreams/fragments, then the ld.

The beginning of the ld's hard to recall. I'm on a street that looks familiar and we comment on this with a female dream friend, some remarks about journalling too.

One thing that is very peculiar about the place is that all the buildings' colors are extremely soft, chalky color. Each one is in different color but very pale. They look extremely beautiful. I am aware that this is a dream, but have somewhat lower level of lucidity. Vaguely remember how we went to this other part of town.

My lucidity and rational thinking sharpens as we go on our way. We are a group of people and someone is leading us (I can't see who at the moment). This is a pretty good arrangement since it keeps me busy and my secondary ld goal is exactly to walk around, see as much as possible for as long as possible.

This is the city center now and I catch a glimpse of a gothic cathedral behind one of the street corners. It is also colorful with the same pale chalky colors and material. There's the overall impression that the whole city center colors are like this. At the same time the quality is extremely high, everything is very 3D, stable and vivid. I spot a female classmate in the crowd on the square, which I assume is part of our group. I am happy about that and say something to her, but she starts laughing and replies with some weird sounds, her eyes look as if she's wearing lenses too. Not a smart DC I conclude and lose a bit of interest.

[Warning animal violence]

It's almost like a scene change as we keep walking down another street. I cross the street and examine the ground below my feet and it feels so detailed and real, there's a piece of mini-trash I try to identify, a scaffold area in front of me. I get distracted by a small white dog that I pay too much attention to and it sticks to my leg, trying to bite me. I try as much as possible to be indifferent and get rid of it, but it sticks, so I have no choice, now I want to break its front teeth to deactivate it. I take it with my hands and imagine I am super strong, trying to break the front teeth that look kind of weird too. Not much success so I swirl around and throw the dog away.

I feel disgusted and start rummaging in a dream bag of mine, hoping to find wet wipes to clean my hands, which I do. I feel like I have messed up, being distracted by the dog instead of following the group. This has caused the surroundings to change and we are in another part of town, lots of green trees can be seen. The group leader is now walking with my classmate further down the street, while I am trying to catch up with them together with a blond girl, also at this point part of the group.

They slow down and I face the group leader/our guide, a woman in her 40es. She seems very sympathetic and lively and I feel it's time to ask her some questions. As I speak, I notice and think about how easy it has been for me to speak and act in this dream, how stable everything has been and for such a long time. I ask her a number of questions, to give me some tips in general and also regarding my meditation practices. Unfortunately, she gives me an answer that doesn't make much sense, about some guy bringing her here. I feel somewhat disappointed as I thought she might be a useful dream guide, she has been guiding us on this city tour all along. The dream fades.

Date: 06 Dec

Was supposed to do a wbtb, but felt really sleepy, so I just kept nervously waking up and falling asleep again. Was more deeply asleep than usual, had a pretty cool dream and a mini-ld at the end.

Dream: In some city of the future, there are business people walking on the street. I am in some sort of transportation, with tables in the middle. The guide is talking about us opening the fancy books on the table, but I don't have one. The guy (to be JL) in front of me gives me his book.

My attention is then drawn by the resting yogi platforms on the street. Initially a few, then many (DS), looking extremely interesting, like two rows of beige hammocks, each hammock cell uniquely decorated with some tribal art. These seem to continue down the street like forever (DS) and an old sadhu is horizontally resting on each one. I notice I am making sounds with my mouth as if playing a didgeridoo. Amongst the individual cells for the yogis are a few reporters from National Geographic. As I think about these reporters, the face of one of them turns into a human tiger face.

We are still in the transportation and the guide explains about some sort of formation, that I think I noticed is in the sand between each cell? It's like a barely visible vortex in the sand, but when he explains about the formation, I begin to see as if looking on a screen, a computer model graphics of a donut shape. He explains that this formation is the result of the wind and some electromagnetic particles which when falling get to form this shape over time, due to magnetic influences.

There are different types of futuristic cars flying in the air near us. They look like mini planes, but flatter, wider and made from some sort of black material.

The guy that gave me his book is now Jude Law. Near the windows are many interesting (DS) bottles of fancy cosmetics. My attention is torn between him and them, but I touch his arm and leave my hand there, waiting for reaction. He doesn't seem to mind and keeps his arm in the same position. At some point he is eating a pack of dried/transforming to fresh blueberries and offers me some, I refuse.

I begin examining the various cosmetics they have. Some sun tanning stuff and lots of colorful bottles and boxes of expensive cosmetics. I turn to Jude and say that one thing hasn't changed in the future and that is that some cosmetics are still prohibitively expensive. Then I take a purple box of face cream and read out what the benefits are supposed to be, reversing the meaning to the total opposite, my speech turning into a funny negative campaign for L'oreal. Jude is enjoying it too.

I nervously wake up, remember the totm, and go back there.

DEILD: Jude is to my right now and we are still in some sort of transportation. I briefly wonder whether to announce that this is about TOTM, but just say, "Please give me a present", or something along those lines. He looks at me surprised, especially after my long cosmetics speech, like he didn't expect me to want anything from him. I add "It can be something small", thinking it doesn't have to be expensive. He comes closer and gives me a super sexy kiss. We continue kissing for a while, while I contemplate this. The dream fades and I head for the journal.

Date: 11 Nov

Pre bed: 200mg val

Wbtb: 1/3 latte

I remember the previous dream and then from the middle/extended end of this one.

DILD: I am now on some unknown streets, it's a bright day. There is a plot going on, but I also know that I am dreaming. A girl maybe school age is my companion and this guy is waiting to meet us? in the middle of the street. I have the feeling that the dream is coming to an end, so move around quickly and try to absorb as much as possible.

I go in a small store where they sell clothes, but these clothes have special magical properties, like they can change your shape and turn you into animal. I feel the guy is waiting for me outside, so decide to ignore the magic items and go look for him. But when I do go out, the entire street has changed and he is no longer there. I am sad that I missed him. I remember trying to call him to come back but no result. I shortly contemplate whether to go back to the store. What was I supposed to do? Meet someone?

The girl from the earlier part now comes from somewhere and I finally remember that I was supposed to ask a question. At this point there is the realization that I had many chances to do so, yet always forgot to. I take it slow and ask the question - what are you thankful for, and become all ears, trying not to influence her answer. She opens her mouth and only some gibberish comes out, I can't make any word from that. I ask her again and she starts laughing maniacally. That pisses me off because I still expect to hear a normal answer. In the end she blurts out: "Are you deaf or what?". Her eyes seem quite lively but I have no explanation for this behavior.

Once again, I get the feeling that the dream is thinning out and look around wondering what to do and where to go. I remember that I wanted to go for Toty, but feel like this is the end of the journal entry where one finally figures out what to do at the moment the dream ends. I reckon the dream won't allow for any Toty completion at this point, so try to make the most of whatever dream time is left and look around. It's the like the main shopping street of a small town and for some reason, the area (I can't recall if it was) between stores or a mini street where I can see is more sun-lit, it looks extremely appealing to me and I decide to go there.

I know that I am on borrowed dream time and I try to take in whatever the dream offers. It's a small park type of pond, mostly dried out, but in one end is an indescribable large fountain with lots of jets beautifully arranged around the center. It undergoes some sort of transformation to become like the shape of a large oak tree made of ice. The texture is like a mix of slowly flowing fountain water and ice.

I look around and notice how on the surface of the dried out pond now there are scattered small pieces of ice and can see the reflection of the sunlight in each one, it's amazing. And as I scan the surroundings, I notice my special friend sitting near the other end of the pond. He is looking down, as if reading a book and I call out his name. He sees me and comes closer. Meanwhile, I notice that I am chewing a stupid gum and spit it out, but can still feel it in my mouth, ignore. In the last moments I manage to steal from this dream, we hug and try to ice-skate on the surface of the pond, towards the ice oak tree. The alarm wakes me up, recall is hard.