Thread: DCs Say the Darndest Things

This was a non lucid I had a few years ago.

My sister and I were kidnapped by Voldemort. We had to go through three tasks (like the Tri-Wizard Tournament I guess) if we failed, he would kill us. The last was an impossible maze through a library. We were caught, but my old aikido instructor saved us by teleporting us to a carnival. I asked my sister if she saw our parents, her response was "Every girl looks like Cho Chang!"

In one dream, I suddenly find myself sitting in a car as Captain Kirk, with Spock in the passenger's seat. There are a bunch of guys with those funny sumo-wrestler hairdos outside the car.

Sumo-hair guy: [to Spock] "It is a great dishonor to imitate a Vulcan."

Spock: [to me, raising an eyebrow] "...I am quite tasty, captain."

Jerk in my class: "According to me, I think... Wait... Is the sky yellow? I forget."

I have a few more now.
One dream ended with me in a town where a naked race was happening. I had my camera and was filming the event, when one of the runners came right up to it and waved. When this happened, the word 'Knoubles' came up on the screen. Then I heard someone say: "Shnobbles."
A few nights later, I encountered someone who said: "Did you know I can run really fast on my nose?" Then someone else entered the room and said he was looking for ducks. I pointed out a picture of ducks that was stuck in a clock, and he told me that he was one of those ducks in disguise.

*Officer pulls me over*

"Get of the car, you are all arrested!"

"Why?"

"For stuffing stuffed animals!" He said, pointing at a a crack in the car.

My Dad: Oh no, I can't watch this internet DVD! It says I have to turn the handle on the disk and connect to the internet, but my TV isn't connected to the internet!

Me: Maybe it's only for a DVD-ROM drive?

My Dad: No, it just got wiped by those dirty politicians.

Originally Posted by Lëzen

In one dream, I suddenly find myself sitting in a car as Captain Kirk, with Spock in the passenger's seat. There are a bunch of guys with those funny sumo-wrestler hairdos outside the car.

Sumo-hair guy: [to Spock] "It is a great dishonor to imitate a Vulcan."

Spock: [to me, raising an eyebrow] "...I am quite tasty, captain."

hahahahahahaha holy shit that one just got me going.

Last night I had a dream I was rollerblading on mud and grass this is how it went.

Me: "Why am I rollerblading? It is very hard to do on grass!"
DC: " Just shut up! It's the fastest way!"

I know not that funny but wtf =/

my friend hugged my other friend and said "You fucked a monkey's uncle."

"Look, you can't just walk into Dundas Square wearing a T-shirt! You'll be raped!" (I'm an unnatractive, non-gay male, which is why this is so weird.)

90 year old man: PAPA!
Me: I ain't nobodies papa
90 year old man: grandpa?

Originally Posted by chucklesx123

90 year old man: PAPA!
Me: I ain't nobodies papa
90 year old man: grandpa?

That is HILARIOUS!!

Me (to DC dog): You know this is a dream, right?
Dog: You are a disgusting PERVERT!!
Me: Eh? What the hell did I do?
Dog: Only dogs can drink wine!
Me: Huh?
Dog: You suck at sex, don't you?
Me: *cuts off dog's head with a light saber*
Dog's head: *sigh* I knew it.

Until I checked out this thread, I never realized that a dream character has never verbally spoken to me. Bizarre...

I am battling with Toshirou Hitsugaya from Bleach.

Hitsugaya: BANKAI! DAIGUREN HYORINMARU!!

*a little ice cube comes out of his sword and falls to the groung*

Me: *rolling on the floor laughing* What's up, ice man?
Hitsugaya: well I just had a pee!
* I am still rollling around *
Hitsugaya: This is embarrassing......

At the end of a recent paintball dream I heard someone mention "Suicide at 6 o'clock."
Before I even had time to consider what this meant, I was awoken by the alarm clock on my bedside table. It was 6 o'clock. Weird.

I just couldn't ressist

... I found a guy, he looked like he was drawn out of white choke, he was thin as a stick. He was crying. I asked him why he was crying. " Leta me telle you how I cama here. One daya, I went to Malta to pick a hotel. In the morning I go downa to eata breakfast, I tell the waitress I wanta 2 pieces of toast, she bakes me only one piece. I said I wanta 2 piece. She said go to the toilet. I saya you no understand, I want 2 piece on the my plate. She say you better not piss on the plate, you son of a b*tch. I don't even know the lady and she call me a son of a beach. Later, I went to the biggest restauraunt in Malta. The waitress give me a spoon, and a knife, but no fock. I tell her I want a fock. She tell me everybody wanna f*ck. I tell her you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not f*ck on the table, you son of a b*tch. So I go back to my room in the hotel, and there was no sheet on the bed. Call the manager! I'm telle him I wanna sheet. He tell me go to the toilet, I say you no understand, I wanna sheet on my bed! He tell you better not shit on the bed, you son of a b*tch. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk says peace on you. I SAY PISS ON YOU TOO, YOU SON OF A BEACH! I'M GOING BACK TO ITALIA! Thena I gota lost and ended up here. " I laughed out loud, so hard, that it woke me up.

I_C_U, that's a good attempt, but someone already pulled that one about two pages ago.
Oh wait a minute, it was you.
Please stop, and post some interesting comments.

Then I'll be thankful to you if you can stop that mad guy from appearing in my dreams.

Lol @lucidmax15895!
That must've been an epic battle

If that is truly what is happening in your dreams, then I apologise. Since someone linked it to a video, I assumed you were being unimaginative.
It's just that I see little point in posting it twice.
Have you watch the video a lot or do you really like it? Could be a case of day residue.

Originally Posted by I_C_U

Then I'll be thankful to you if you can stop that mad guy from appearing in my dreams.

Lol @lucidmax15895!
That must've been an epic battle

Lol yeah. I will post the full dream soon in my DJ.
By the way, it seems you watch that video too much, and if it really does happen in your dreams, THAT is a little too accurate.

I give a girl a flower.

Girl: Are you Israel?
Me: No...

*After rescuing Friend1 from the police*

Friend2: And that's what happens when you buy foreign candy!
Me: Baklava!

*We all erupt in senseless laugher*

Me in Quebec city (I went to Quebec City last month) "Bonjour. Parle en anglais?" (Hello. Speak English?) "No. I only speak French, not a word of English."

EDIT: In case you don't get it, he said that in perfect English.

I cried laughing several times reading these... I'm only on page-5! The weirdest remark I can remember in years happened just the other night:

I'm sitting in a restaurant with someone. I notice an unusual waiter busing tables and heading our direction. I say...

"I'm not ordering something with the word anus in it from a hunchback." -I woke myself up laughing.