Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

You can talk to me Alyssa. If you can wait till we're on steam at the same time lol

What?? Six months and that shit still bothers you? I bought my first pack of cigs in a month... I'm doomed.

No worries just life.

I was so closing to have a WILD this morning. I woke up at about 7.30am and I was feeling very sleepy. After a few minutes I could feel the vibrations going through my entire body. So I was just trying to relax but then I heard my dad shouting my name. Which scared me so much, I got up but my dad wasn't home. So I guess it was just hallucination

^^^Didn't even see that edit until now. It honestly sounds like she could like you herself and just isn't admitting it. Asking you to draw her, talking to you so much, etc. It seems kind of obvious that she knows you like her and either likes you too or is trying to fuck with you. It would be weird if she really had no idea what was going on, and trying to get you together with her friend who you've barely talked to seems even weirder.

Not that I interact socially much, but I just can't imagine all of that going on between two single people of the opposite gender, same age and similar interests without the thought at least crossing both of their minds that they may be good potential mates. Also, usually if one person feels that way about the other, he'll give off subconscious cues using body language, etc. so that she'll at least have some suspicion in the back of her mind that he likes her. I just find it hard to believe she'd be completely oblivious to it.

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Spoiler for Rant about drinking:

Firstly, this thread seems dead with Alyzarin. Secondly, I woke up this morning with a hangover and all the reasons I gave in my last post that I shouldn't get drunk really happened when I finally drank. For example, I overate. I probably ate/drank like 2500 calories yesterday in total. And the problem isn't merely consuming a lot of calories, it's eating shit food, like frozen mini-pizzas which I'd never think about touching while sober. So I think I'm going to try not to drink in the next few days, and if I do, I'm setting a strict 3 drink limit for myself. I wasn't even going to drink today. I just used the fact that I passed that course as an excuse to celebrate. Actually I even caught myself doing that and still wouldn't have drunk, but my dad, when he found out, said to me "well it seems like this calls for a drink!" I was immediately like "no.... well maybe". I guess it was just too convenient, too good of an excuse not to.

Spoiler for Rant about procrastinating:

I'm sick of being stupid in general. I'm going to try not being retarded and do what I actually need to do... lol. I don't have time for hiding from problems and procrastinating and feeling sorry for myself anymore for having problems which wouldn't be there if I summoned some willpower. I'm just going to ruin my life this way. I'm going to do stuff today that's productive. Practice programming, exercise, definitely not overeat, maybe organize my hard drive, at least take some steps to look for a job. I have all day and really don't want to waste time online and wake up from a trance 5 hours later and realize that I've been doing nothing as has happened virtually every day for years.

Spoiler for Fucked up dreams:

About 20 mg of melatonin, then drinking, then sleeping... Terrible dreams. One was so fucking creepy because it felt so real. In a dream I had murdered a girl years ago, at a camp or something. I'd beat her with a shovel over the head and buried her in the snow. It didn't even feel like a dream, the memory felt so real. I mean I didn't just suddenly realize I had killed someone. It was a memory from a long time ago which I'd lived with for years and had suppressed, but now I was realizing how bad it really was. I remembered her grieving parents.... I felt so bad about it but I hadn't been caught yet. I knew that I had murdered someone. It just felt so realistic.. the feeling of guilt and regret. I imagine people who really have killed people on whims out of anger or something, and then immediately regret it, feel the same way. I don't know if I could have even imagined that situation so accurately if I hadn't dreamed about it.

And there was another dream in which I was doing meth. This one's impossible to describe, I just felt so fucked up. Of course I've never done meth in real life so I don't know what it's like, but my brain made up this weird fucked up state of mind to try to simulate it.

Right now I'm pissed that I can draw very well. I just got three amazingly detailed flashes of lovely things I'd like to put on paper...but. Well. I can't draw very well....so, I'm pissed. >.> <.<
Soooo ends this lame rant-post.

Originally Posted by Micael

What?? Six months and that shit still bothers you? I bought my first pack of cigs in a month... I'm doomed.

No worries just life.

I've been using an e-cig, so I didn't exactly quit nicotine.
However, I could have easily not smoked, I realised. But I was getting super frustrated and angry and due to all this other crap so I decided to get some to chill out.
Wasn't even satisfying at all though, didn't even get the numb/head spin feeling

That feeling when you wake up in the morning and go on FB and literally every post sounds like the person who wrote it had a lobotomy. I guess it's just sad to face the truth, to realize that I was wrong all those years when I just assumed people had a lot more going on in their heads than they were letting on.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

That feeling when you wake up in the morning and go on FB and literally every post sounds like the person who wrote it had a lobotomy. I guess it's just sad to face the truth, to realize that I was wrong all those years when I just assumed people had a lot more going on in their heads than they were letting on.

I've had the same thought for a long time now. I just couldn't fathom how all the people around me could be so unbearably stupid, but then I thought "Hold on a minute. Maybe deep down, they're actually really insightful and I just never get to see it." And when I finally do get to hear these same people express their thoughts, they come out with the most retarded shit you've ever heard. That's one theory thoroughly debunked.

You should clean out your friends list. I'm down to 45 people and it makes facebook a lot more useful.

Oh DV. Where do I start? *sighs deeply*

Lots of shit going on at the moment. Some stuff's perfect. Some of it, I would rather gouge my eyes out than experience.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

That feeling when you wake up in the morning and go on FB and literally every post sounds like the person who wrote it had a lobotomy. I guess it's just sad to face the truth, to realize that I was wrong all those years when I just assumed people had a lot more going on in their heads than they were letting on.

Originally Posted by Heavy Sleeper

I've had the same thought for a long time now. I just couldn't fathom how all the people around me could be so unbearably stupid, but then I thought "Hold on a minute. Maybe deep down, they're actually really insightful and I just never get to see it." And when I finally do get to hear these same people express their thoughts, they come out with the most retarded shit you've ever heard. That's one theory thoroughly debunked.

You both gave me a hearty chuckle. Thankyou. haha
So true.

My fb feed is much better now that I made a new one with only people who are mildly interesting.

My hair's black, but I've got a few bright red hairs in my beard. Sense, this does not make.

Burnt my fingers on a cake.

Bat flew into my room the other night and scared the life outta me, now I have a serious coughing and breathing problem. Think I may have an infection from the damned creature. -_-

I'm pissed off now 8e5.jpg

Tomorrow is going to suck. I'm going to see a doctor so he can look at a certain part of my body. I'm so nervous, it's going to be embarrassing. I'm sure everything's fine, but apparently it's always best to get a doctor to check it out.

Originally Posted by HoC

Tomorrow is going to suck. I'm going to see a doctor so he can look at a certain part of my body. I'm so nervous, it's going to be embarrassing. I'm sure everything's fine, but apparently it's always best to get a doctor to check it out.

Hope all goes well, I know how you feel, its horrible D:.

Well I saw the doctor and he thinks it's just a hydrocele, but now I have to go to the hospital to see a urologist, so now I'm going to have more people looking at my balls!

Just realized how fucking stupid I actually am, I lack intelligence and I hate it.

The girl I love has found someone else...I just want to fucking cry. GOD DAMN IT, FUCK. I love her so much D:, I CANT LET GO, now fucking crying again D;.

Originally Posted by HoC

Well I saw the doctor and he thinks it's just a hydrocele, but now I have to go to the hospital to see a urologist, so now I'm going to have more people looking at my balls!

Damn man, does it hurt?

Originally Posted by jackc45

Just realized how fucking stupid I actually am, I lack intelligence and I hate it.

The girl I love has found someone else...I just want to fucking cry. GOD DAMN IT, FUCK. I love her so much D:, I CANT LET GO, now fucking crying again D;.

Really sorry to hear bro, I truly am. One of the greatest tragedies in life.

Originally Posted by tommo

Damn man, does it hurt?

Nope, no pain.

I like it when i inspire people to post their pics on the "pics thread"

A lady ran a red light and hit our car. Our one car. We can't afford another for a few years at least. We've got insurance, but it still devalues the car. Oh, and the thing can't be driven anymore. My husband has to drive an hour to and an hour from work every day. We won't be able to get a rental car for another few days. I can't miss class, so either he's going to have to use up some sick days and stay home or live out of town so he can get a ride.

Thanks a lot, fucking idiot. Way to fulfill stereotypes.

I am the type of person who has never been able to bottle it up. When I'm hurt, angry, frustrated, or anything, I tend to let it out. Now, this isn't the greatest quality to have, I get that, but I truly think I prefer it this way. I'm open and I'm as real as I can be. From my perspective, this is better than to be the type of person who bottles everything up and never lets anyone in. I can't say that I haven't wished to be able to keep my mouth shut sometimes, especially where it really counts, but it aggravates me so much when people have an issue with me or something, big or small, and instead of trying to communicate it to me with their words, they put on the "nothing's wrong" act even though it is completely obvious that they are annoyed. I'm not going to sit there and pry and pry and continue to ask what's wrong, because I know that's probably more annoying than the issue itself to begin with, but being the type of person I am... it's hard for me to ignore.

For example, a friend of my fiancé up and one day decided to delete me from Facebook. Did I cry? No, I didn't really care for the guy either. And I know Facebook is overrated, but be that as it may, it's still kind of like a big middle finger in your face by someone when you were doing nothing but standing there. So, I mention it to my fiancé. I just said, so and so deleted me, that's weird. I couldn't help it. I didn't know that I did anything to upset them, and who would that not bother? I really didn't have much of an issue with this guy ever. We never exchanged foul words. I hardly even post anything on there to annoy anyone and definitely not often at all. I just had to wonder what it was that made him go through his friends list, find me, and delete me. I had all of these thoughts, but I didn't make it a big deal. The worst I did was mention it to my fiancé, and I think it made him curious as well, because he mentioned it to the guy the next time he saw him (they're fairly close friends). So this guy claims he had no idea that that happened, and that very well could be true, but it doesn't make much sense.

What does he do? He friends me again on Facebook. I accepted, but it still makes me wonder. If this guy truly deleted me of his own accord, for whatever reason, why did he friend me again? If he didn't want me on his friends list, why bother adding me again? Was it going to make me treat him any different when I saw him, not at all. But my point is, why can't people just be real? I understand if somehow I got deleted by accident, whatever, but I know this is only as likely as him actually deleting me if not less likely. If he did it because he didn't like me, why couldn't he just leave me deleted?

I'd rather know that someone doesn't want me as a friend then to be friends with them and feel that awkwardness from there on. Does that make sense?

I'm not even started guys. That was mostly just an example. I seriously don't care what that guy thinks of me, but like I said, I can't help but wonder why, and now why he added me again.

Relationship wise. I don't think I have met anyone quite like myself. What I mean by that is, I don't know very many people who will openly discuss their feelings. I'm not talking about people who inappropriately do so, but I mean in general. I guess I can name a few who I perceive as pretty open and easily communicative, but the people that really matter, my fiancé, my family, some of them are pretty closed off.

It can drive someone like me insane. I'm not saying these people are not honest, but I want to clarify what I mean by honesty. I mean being real. I mean, when I ask someone what's wrong, I want to help. If it is a private issue, OK, there are ways to communicate that, with words and body language, but if a person tells me nothing, namely my fiancé, and all of his behavior points the opposite, my brain gets overloaded by all the things that I could be doing wrong. People should be more real. At least that is the type of person I want to be with and around. I want everything on the table that should be there... I understand that not all issues are something everyone should know about, but in what is supposed to be a loving relationship, whether between friends or lovers, everything should be on the table.

Generally, I am a good communicator. I listen, I understand, I respond and I explain. I'm not perfect, I have my moments. But I've always prided myself a bit in the area that I'm pretty open to understanding and finding a resolution. But why are so many people not like this? I mean, why are so many people in my life not like this?

Hell, maybe in their eyes, I am the one who isn't being real. I get that, but do I think it likely, not really. But even considering this, I think that shows I am pretty understanding. I guess I just wanted to reassure myself there. I can't help but try and think of everything from all angles.

Overthink, overanalyze, yes, I do.

That's that.

I'm ready to come out of my closet... I'm not a lesbian, not that there is anything wrong with that, I just mean a different closet. I wish there was something I could do to put myself out there, to make myself understood by those who mean the most to me. I just want people to understand that I'm here, that if they have a problem with me, and it's something that comes up every time they see me, then I'm open to communication. I'm ready to resolve all assumptions, all unexplained issues.

There are a few people in my life where I should probably take the courage to confront about things that bother me. So I guess this makes me a bit hypocritical. I find it hard to be this way with my parents anyway and my sisters. So I guess I understand why they're like that too, and a lot of it has to do with conflicting views on politics and religion. But with my fiancé? With people I call friends? (Can't even think of any names...)

Main point is... there some things that you have to resolve with the people that matter... Because if I've learned anything over the past five years of my life, if you let the little things add up, you become resentful, and that has to be one of the most damaging effects on intimate relationships. Resentment...

Ok. Done rambling... and I'm going to post this before I delete it like I do so many other posts.

First, I want to let you know that I really appreciate all the people who take the time to respond to my rants and to explain why I don't ever reply. I tend to focus all my energy into the post, so that when I'm done I don't have the strength of will to say anything. I read over replies and nod to myself 'yep, that sounds right.' but it feels stupid to post that, so I don't.
Now...once more, I will rant to you.

This will be considerably more calm than if I had posted on the weekend. I can never let go of my stress, I can ignore it for a time, but at any little hint of trouble it all comes blaring back to life. While nothing huge and terrible happened, it was a culmination of many small things. I was at work and the other guy in my department was on vacation AGAIN and so of course we had all sorts of issues that started the first day of his vacation so that I couldn't just leave it for when he came back, because I'm not that kind of person. So there was the stress of knowing I was the only one who could/would take care of it, and then I got 5 more issues. So by the time I got called up to customer service to help with a refund/rebill of two installation sales for one of my customers, I so forcefully resist the hopeless, desperate, angry tangle of emotions that make me want to scream, cry, or angrily thrust my folders onto the desk and LEAVE, that I give myself a headache. I sit there at the computer, trying to force my brain into motion so I can get this sale out of the way, and I want to cry and break things for no goddamn good reason. I know it's not going to help me to do any of those things, I'm not being very professional, so I take a deep breath and begin to work.
How am I supposed to get rid of my stress?
I don't even know what the hell I'm talking about. I need to sleep...except that I keep dreaming about work and my recall has SUCKED for a couple of weeks. =/ DAMN IT.

So along with my inability to cope with a basic day of work, I also have my stupidly confusing home life. I feel torn between emotions that are polar opposites. I'm sad that my schedule is different from his so we never see each other, but I'm a little relieved and I wonder why I'm sad because we never do anything together when we DO have time off. I want to be close to him and I don't want him to touch me, I'm angry that we aren't married but the idea of getting married seems terribly depressing. I guess I won't have to worry about that though since he pretty much gave me confirmation that things will not change. I told him I wanted to be married before we had kids.
...he responds with "I don't see what difference it makes, we're pretty much married, and we'd get married eventually."
Yeah. Sure. Obviously you don't care that much.
Why can't I just be normal and settle down?
My life would be so much easier if I just did whatever he wanted me to do, there's always a part of me resisting though, resisting hard. =/ I feel really messed up. AAAAAAAH