Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

I think I've almost posted in this thread as much today as I have the entire time...before today. That sounded horrible. I suppose anyone can find any damn thing to be upset about, I just want to get it out.

So the cookies turned out ok. Not good, just ok. Everything looks ok, and I'm disappointed. I'm usually not a perfectionist, but I at least wanted things to look good. And it's two thirty. What'd I tell y'all? And I just know my sister is going to say something. I'm not really close to anyone in my family, but she's the one I'm closest to. We are the most similar, genetically and mentally (at least in sibling relationships, her relationship with mom is much better than my relationship with either). All the same, I worked my ass off all day, and I at least want her to recognize that.

Which brings me to a mini-rant: Equating effort with results. So many people do that now, especially schools. People expect to be rewarded if they just try really really hard, regardless of the actual outcome. Now that's not to diminish the importance of effort and passion. Working with someone who doesn't give a crap is about as fun as working with someone with no ability. Either extreme is bad, and either one grates on nerves. Effort is primarily for other people: no one wants to hire or work with someone who just doesn't care, no matter how good they are. (Wants, because people would much rather hire an enthusiastic person with ability, but they doesn't mean they always do.) Results, on the other hand, are pretty much unquestionable. It works or it doesn't. It's pretty or it's not. It's what you got right vs what you got wrong. Trying may affect these results, but just because a person tried their best doesn't mean their results are any better than a different person who didn't have to try.

So as a result we have a bunch of spoiled brats who expect the world to be handed to them because they tried.

As a side note here, I'm actually going to try this semester. Really. We can barely afford my education so I might as well get our money's worth. That means... studying. *Le gasp.* I can float through most of my classes, but if I really want to do well I need to buckle down. Especially with my minor. Biology is absolutely fascinating, but if this semester is anything like the last, I will need to study. (Going through 2 chapters per lecture twice a week was kind of hard, to say the least, especially when I hadn't taken science since sophomore year in high school, and that was what? 3? 4 years ago?)

Moving on, I broke down into uncontrollable laughter when things all started slipping tonight. Which is another mini-rant. I know that laughing when under a lot of stress is a relief mechanism, but why? It is quite possibly one of the worst ways to deal with stress. I mean, think about it. Laughing when someone is trying to kill you probably only enrages them, and laughing at a funeral is socially unacceptable. Story time:
1) When I was younger, a guy who had robbed a store and had a gun was in front of our school. We had to hide in the corner of the classroom, which I thought was kind of dumb, when we could have been I don't know. Making weapons or something? Anyways, I thought "God, I had to live this crappy-ass life and now I could get shot? What a way to go!" and started laughing and laughing and I couldn't stop. My teacher got incredibly annoyed and threatened to send me to ISS, which only made me laugh harder, and all of the other students were doing the "normal" freak-out stuff like shaking and crying, and I was freaking them out more.
2) I was at a funeral and I was really upset so I started laughing.
So what exactly causes that? Why was I not breaking down in tears?

And lucids...I've gotten so close the past few days.
1) I was in a beach house. "Why do I always dream of the ocean? Oh! I live next to one! What a dumb question." (I wish.)
2) I fired a gun that had way too many bullets for that capacity magazine. As soon as I realized, it stopped working. I don't know about you, but when someone is trying to kill me, doing a reality check isn't the first thing on my mind. But I was so close!

EDIT, this post was actually made at 2:30-ish am

I'm kind of annoyed at how the forum is screwing up. I don't even know if any of you guys will read this since it's in the wrong spot.

But AGH! Ok, out of everything is this stupidass post, this is what bothers me the most. Mental medical conditions are real. Let me say that again: MENTAL MEDICAL CONDITIONS ARE REAL.

I'm sick and tired of people thinking that things like depression, GAD, bipolar disorder, etc, etc can be fixed by just simply thinking about it. No, no, and NO! These things are helped by rational thinking, yes, but most of the time they can't be cured just by thinking! These things have chemical and structural roots, and just thinking about it really isn't going to do jack-shit. Doctors are not just giving these diagnoses out willy-nilly. They are usually not caused by negative thinking, and definitely not solely negative thinking.

Telling someone to "get over" their depression doesn't do squat. If you'd ever had it, you'd know. Telling someone to "just relax" their anxiety disorder doesn't do squat. STOP THINKING THAT THESE CONDITIONS ARE SOLELY ERRORS IN THINKING OR CREATIONS OF GREEDY DOCTORS. Read up on the damn things instead of completely discounting the person, the person's experiences, and thousands upon thousands of doctors and researchers.

I swear my father is being a fucking retard, he doesn't know that I spend money on food because I made it on my own. So now it's suddenly a big deal, and even if I tell him that, he's going to say "That doesn't justify anything."

No, FUCK YOU, like I'm going to take advice from someone going in debt because he kisses ass for his useless friends. FUCK YOU asshole, I earned that money and have every right to spend it. I'm not being some rebel just because I decided to eat when you told me to dump the food when you said you'll pick me up at a certain time, but you DIDN'T pick me up at a certain time.

It's because of your fucking sporadic planning that forced me to do that because you made it pretty clear you'll arrive on time. God, this idiot pulls things out of his ass, and starts telling everyone to rush rush rush rush. Can't you see that money is COMING IN that's completely greater than the money being spent?

He's just looking at payments that are together as if it's a big deal, it's not as if I wanted to waste the money like that you dipshit of a father. Then he starts talking about time-management when he said before that everyone has stress....LOL, now he's trying to use the things I was trying to explain to him that he completely disregarded....You can't stick your convictions you fucking dipshit?

God, why am I not giving him a piece of his mind so he can just shut up already? "You're going to break this apart..." Lol, okay buddy, I'm breaking everything apart because I didn't want to starve myself.....yeah, that's breaking everything apart! You don't see me going over your fucking bank statements on how much you spent for this useless party that could've been located somewhere else.

Yes, I completely am breaking up the money apart because I'm a human being who doesn't deserve to eat something better than what's cooked, I'm breaking everything up because I'm not on the verge of blowing your fucking skull off, I'm breaking things up like I invested in the black market.

You don't see me complaining at how much debt you're putting yourself in because you want to spend money on some useless product on T.V. and your shit friends. Whenever I spend something "big" which is like 30-40 dollars, it's only once every 6 months. And after the break, I don't even touch the money in the account in the first place, so what's your big fucking deal?

Even if I make $500, $1,000, hell, even $2,000...."No, that doesn't justify anything." You fucking dumb ass.

No, FUCK YOU. It was the only time in the whole year I spent "that much." Don't compare my little spending to yours that gets you in debt. Just remember you're not the one having to pay the debt off by himself if he even stays in college. Ignorant prick.

Originally Posted by Original Poster

People with anxiety disorders such as hypochondria tend to like labeling themselves every single disorder they share a couple of traits with on the DSM checklist.

We're not clocks, we're clouds. I call myself bipolar because it reminds me that some of the shit I'm thinking and feeling is overwhelming due to a chemically induced mood change and not because those thoughts/feelings are actually justified. I could check off a few traits in both psychopathy and schizophrenia but that doesn't make me both (in fact I believe the diseases exist on opposite ends of the spectrum), they're just tendencies in the cloud that is me and I don't find much use in attaching myself to every single label I can nod my head to.

It's like astrology, if you give someone a piece of paper with a general description of a human personality and tell them it's their natal chart, they'll believe it. If you're trying to see yourself in a description, you'll have the tendency to highlight the similarities and overlook the differences. While it's important to understand your possible chemical and conditional anomalies, don't get too attached to any particular label.

Well I understand the whole overthinking things aspect, but that's why I described my reasons for thinking it. I've already gone through that phase of thinking one or two DSM traits links me to anything, I've long since moved past that. I'm much more conservative about my judgment these days, which just makes me even more sure of something when I can continuously come back to it and still feel certain of it. I don't really let myself begin to think I have something anymore unless I have practically every listed symptom that I can and have read several personal and clinical reports and find a strong relation to all of them. I do pay attention to the differences because I've gone through stages like thinking I have psychopathy and schizophrenia as well. (And I agree, they're definitely diametrically opposed.)

Originally Posted by tommo

Tell me how the magnesium goes Aly. I was looking at that recently too, how some are absorbed far better, but I couldn't find the right one at any store, it's all magnesium titrate iirc. If it works, I may go to further effort to get some.

Will do. It may not be for a little while but I do plan to get around to it. I always order my supplements online so getting it isn't an issue for me.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Aly, you also have to take care that your lifestyle isn't CAUSING your symptoms. Go drug and alcohol free for a while, work on your sleep schedule/routine and see if the symptoms still add up. Doctors thought I had bipolar for years but my weird (self-induced) sleep schedule was doing it to me. Adding anxiety in with it, didn't help lol

See, that's the thing though. I've had these symptoms for much longer than I've been using drugs and alcohol, and some of the drugs have actually helped with it. (Particularly weed and acute use of psychedelics.) And it's not very easy for me to have a normal sleep schedule without drugs, honestly. When I smoke I sleep fine, but without it I often end up trying to sleep at a normal time but then getting very little actual sleep, or pretty much none at all. I often get really stimulated and have racing thoughts and I just end up tossing and turning and eventually researching stuff on my phone and trying to plan out whatever big thing I have in mind to do next, I get a really short attention span when I'm energized like that and even trying to sleep is something I quickly forget that I'm doing. This problem actually presents itself even if it's just been more than a few hours since the last time I smoked. Also, I went on a six month drug break before and the symptoms got worse, so.... Oh, but the exception is when I'm feeling depressed. (Which just fuels my beliefs even more.) Then I usually just lie one spot all day and it can be hard to even keep myself alert.

I do think anxiety and depression played a large role in the severity of it though. The same setup in my mind that I now recognize as these bipolar symptoms are something that when I was younger I felt was acting as a defense mechanism for me, like I would use the times I felt really hyper and a little delusional to create fantasy worlds I could escape into so I wouldn't have to face the real one anymore. That had a pretty heavy influence on my personality.

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Rant: Sometimes I feel like I can really relate to anime villains. And by sometimes, I mean frequently. And really blatantly. I wonder what life would be like if we lived in a magical world.

Anti-Rant: I did it, damn it. I was able to receive a gift without just freezing up, even if it felt odd to get myself to act right. I'm sure it'll become easier with time and this is just the first step. I got a gift from the same person as before when I ranted about not being able to receive gifts well, and I decided that I'd had it. I just tried to push out a nice response making it sound as natural as possible and smiled and hugged them. It's nice to not have that end awkwardly for once.

I'm tired of stupidity. Not at anyone in particular, although there are plenty of people out there that fall under the category. I get so tired hearing bullshit on tv, and people then spewing up that bullshit to me. Then when I try to explain how they're full of shit they put up a wall. I lose more and more faith in humanity every day. Like seriously, next time you watch a commercial, look how fucking stupid everything is in it. Don't look at it as a whole, and pick it apart. It's a series of generally retarded themes coming together to deceive and lower the intelligence of the person watching. It's just ridiculous.

I suppose if i'm to "rave" about anything, it would be dreaming. Seriously, dreaming is the funnest part of my life. I have nothing going on in my life that I'd consider all that important. Everyone around me, for the most part, are just pathetic. Since I mainly go to a branch of my college I end up going to school with high-schoolers. The girls in my classes make me want to kill them. They think they are the fucking shit, when really I'd be surprised if half of them weren't retarded. They are immature and want to undermine the teacher and other intelligent students every chance they get. They cheat and deceive as often as possible, and I'm just sick of it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not classifying myself as an intelligent student. They don't really mess with me, but I'm tired of them fucking with those that don't know how to handle themselves.

I can't find the user map on the forums... Was it removed?

Awesome! I did it again. Congratufuckinglations to me. It happened. Once again I didn't think about what I do and now they caught me. Usually, they'd dismiss what I've done, but they might consider what I've done last year which is even worse (in there eyes, especially) and then I'm fucked up. To the max. Then I can quit the most favorite thing I'm doing and everything I built up will crumble. And then the only rope that holds me above the surface gets cut and I will fall. Sure, there's a chance that they indeed dismiss it, that would be awesome. But because I'm so pessimistic I just can't believe that. But I should believe that. Unfortunately it's easier to say 'I knew it!' afterwards than believing in the best outcome and get pushed back to reality.
However, I can't describe how much I hate myself right now and how I want to make it undone. Both. But that doesn't help. I need to wait and see what happens.

Quit Life? [Y/N]

Ok so this is my last chance to have a lucid dream this holiday before it's over. I really want a long, vivid and amazing lucid dream. I've got 4 different alarms to wake me up during the night/morning, so I'll be wilding for 4 times this night. And hopefully I'll have a lucid dream, if not I'm going to cry. asdfghjkl

It seems like everyone I talk to have had some great downfall and all of 2013 has been shit to them. Meanwhile I've been feeling fantastic.
Well today I fucked up... Sometimes I just hate myself. Can't deal with people today, can't deal with the time and being bored at home and I can't deal with myself because I'm a bit of a fuck up sometimes. I had actually almost forgotten what it felt like to be in a bad mood, it's been so long... Haven't had a really bad mood since way before Christmas. But I guess I just decided to just smash that confidence and the feeling of having everything running perfectly for myself.

Ugh.

I really hate when chat doesn't work.

Originally Posted by melanieb

I really hate when chat doesn't work.

I think that was the calmest rant I've ever heard.

Party went well, my social meter is shot though. But now I don't have to stress until school starts.

Rants:

Originally Posted by Maeni

It seems like everyone I talk to have had some great downfall and all of 2013 has been shit to them. Meanwhile I've been feeling fantastic.
Well today I fucked up... Sometimes I just hate myself. Can't deal with people today, can't deal with the time and being bored at home and I can't deal with myself because I'm a bit of a fuck up sometimes. I had actually almost forgotten what it felt like to be in a bad mood, it's been so long... Haven't had a really bad mood since way before Christmas. But I guess I just decided to just smash that confidence and the feeling of having everything running perfectly for myself.

Ugh.

Originally Posted by Crashyy

But my rant is that I almost got laid at that party, but my friend had to ruin everything lol.

When people don't expand on interesting sounding stories. ಠ_ಠ

Also it's been really fucking hot for the past 4 days and I feel sick.
Also those times when DV sends you an e-mail for every new reply to a thread so my inbox is packed and I really only come in this thread now.

I hate family dinners. I work 9-10 hours, and I'm happy to come home and cook dinner because all day at work I fantasize about making something wonderful (today was chicken fajitas and queso flameado omg). Anyway, I'm cooking for 2 hours, trying to get it right: marinating the chicken, toasting the tortillas, shredding the Oaxaca cheese by hand. I even made my own chorizo sausage. Then as soon as everybody sits down to eat, they're all fighting and yelling and bickering, and forcing some to eat what they don't want, and fighting over the CHAIRS christ.

They need to fucking eat dinner on their own on the days I work until 6pm, because otherwise they wait too long to eat and get hungry and grouchy I guess. Fuck, I don't bitch that I'm hungry waiting for the food myself. Hell, I even had to do the dishes before I could even start!

I told them I hate family dinners and there's no need to eat together at the table. They can just eat in their rooms or in front of the TV, I don't care. As soon as I said that, they all sat at the table and ate without speaking unless it was polite conversation. They're all damn lucky I love them.

I got a synthesizer for Christmas, but it's actually a MIDI keyboard and software synthesizer. I have to register it to be able to use it. I tried registering it and it said the serial number was invalid. I looked at their forum and apparently it's a common problem with this specific keyboard, but they aren't doing anything to try to fix it. I emailed them and it took 4 or 5 days before they even replied, and that only said that they will try to help as soon as possible. I finally got a reply 3 days ago and they told me to take a picture of the serial number so they can give me a new one and they still haven't done anything since then. Now it's too late to return it so if they don't help me I'm stuck with this useless metal box. If anyone reading this wants a synthesizer, don't buy anything from Arturia. I wish I bought a MicroKorg instead.

Originally Posted by tommo

Also those times when DV sends you an e-mail for every new reply to a thread so my inbox is packed and I really only come in this thread now.

I haven't looked at my email for a couple weeks and now I have over 2,000 new emails, 99% of them from DV. Does anyone know how to make it stop emailing me every time someone replies to a thread?

Because my life is going so smoothly now and OCD has nothing to worry about, it starts wondering what y gender is. I'm actually checking my gender every other minute...

Originally Posted by Woodstock

I haven't looked at my email for a couple weeks and now I have over 2,000 new emails, 99% of them from DV. Does anyone know how to make it stop emailing me every time someone replies to a thread?

You can edit your subscriptions through the control panel, check next to the threads you don't want email from, selected threads arrow, through my control panel only radio button. I don't get any mail from DV unless someone comments on my DJ, and that isn't happening xD

At the party my aunt asked me about my scars. I'm surprised she didn't notice before. Anyways, she's a school counselor, my aunt, and she touched them (my only reactions to that are "Oh god", disgust, shame, and embarrassment). I'm sure she knew. But it made me feel kinda sick and all my excuses went out the window.

It also seems like my brother's fiancee's grandmother is a little bit racist. I wonder what she thought of me then? My mom is dark (funny story: a guy at her college wanted to date her until he found out she wasn't Native American), and my dad is white. I'm classified as Mexican-American, which is really bull because none of my family has lived in Mexico for like... 5 generations. I'm only classified as that because my parents wanted me to be more eligible for scholarships and shit. I'm white, dude. I can't even roll my Rs. I could go into a whole thing on affirmative action here, but... nah.

And Carrot: Hah I've worried about that too! Until I got genotyped. I'm a girl xD

So according to my dad, he should force members of the family to watch movies (on DVD) because it is "family participation." I really am concerned by the idea that staring at a glowing rectangle with absolutely no interaction is a family gathering. I understand that my brother shouldn't be locked in his room all day, but my father is seriously overestimating the value of watching a film. And forcing him to do it just makes everything worse for everyone. But what do I know about parenting or supporting a family? that's my anti-rant...

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

I hate family dinners. I work 9-10 hours, and I'm happy to come home and cook dinner because all day at work I fantasize about making something wonderful (today was chicken fajitas and queso flameado omg). Anyway, I'm cooking for 2 hours, trying to get it right: marinating the chicken, toasting the tortillas, shredding the Oaxaca cheese by hand. I even made my own chorizo sausage. Then as soon as everybody sits down to eat, they're all fighting and yelling and bickering, and forcing some to eat what they don't want, and fighting over the CHAIRS christ.

They need to fucking eat dinner on their own on the days I work until 6pm, because otherwise they wait too long to eat and get hungry and grouchy I guess. Fuck, I don't bitch that I'm hungry waiting for the food myself. Hell, I even had to do the dishes before I could even start!

I told them I hate family dinners and there's no need to eat together at the table. They can just eat in their rooms or in front of the TV, I don't care. As soon as I said that, they all sat at the table and ate without speaking unless it was polite conversation. They're all damn lucky I love them.

Mama sets them straight.

Mama makes the rules.

Don't make Mama unhappy or she queso flameado your ass up with a chorizo sausage!



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Rant:

Talked to my father about something, and I rarely decide to get "serious" at him for obvious reasons, but the this petty conversation about me buying Q-tips and him saying I can't use it, I asked him if I should just throw it away.

Ooooh, so now I'm suddenly being a smart ass giving bullshit talk. Now, I understand that Q-tips can be bad for you, but I never knew a simple phrase like that is bullshit talk. Out of all rare times I make a conversation with him, this one makes him mad that quick.


Man, does he get butt hurt like this so easily?

Guess he doesn't like sense of humor or sarcasm, but when he's doing it, I'm supposed to get it.

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Rant: I had a dream where I was asking Michael Duncan for some water, and I was honestly afraid of what he might say. It turns out he's senile in this dream, and he responds so nice to me.

It's too bad I set him as inferior because of his unusual behavior, and when I'm getting a cup to pour my water (don't know why the hell I couldn't have used the bottle and drink out of that), and this guy CANNOT clean his dishes properly!

I have to scrape my fingers from this red liquid that was dried up on his plate and a wine glass that had crumbles on it. And what's worse, he blamed me that I have to remove those same stains....dude, it's NOT MY FAULT!!!

Then I wake up, and I'm like, FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK HE's DEAD. FUCKK. I was cleaning mother freaking Duncan's dishes and it didn't make me go, "I'm obviously dreaming."

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Rant:

As much as these dreams are random, they would be a more suitable lifestyle than this shithole one is. I know I may not be some kid in Africa (god, I get sick using that continent as a reference when it's just making people who use it to make their children more "appreciative" of life like hypocrites), and I know that people have way shittier ones than this one........

but afdsafgfad.



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Cry: It's like 2:00 AM, and I shouldn't have taken that nap from 6-10pm....I thought I set the alarm for 9 PM? Did a reality check and other stuff, but no...I wasn't dreaming. O.o

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Rant: There's other things I want to rant about, but then I would feel bad about myself for going too far between what's a rant and what's passive aggressive intentions with cruel cruel cruel thoughts.

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Anti-Rant: I'm a sapiosexual, never knew there was a word to describe it, but yay me! *insert horrible cheer*

I didn't have a lucid dream last night. I overslept all my alarms omg.

Originally Posted by NewArtemis

You can edit your subscriptions through the control panel, check next to the threads you don't want email from, selected threads arrow, through my control panel only radio button. I don't get any mail from DV unless someone comments on my DJ, and that isn't happening xD

The problem is getting an e-mail for every single reply. Subscriptions are awesome, but you only want it for the first reply after you've last checked the thread.


Looking at jobs online literally all day today....
I can't even find fruit picking jobs. I looked on the government website and there were 2 good listing near me and one had 1000 views and the other 2000....
No point even bothering with applying. I mean how fucked is that that one of the crappiest jobs you can get has that many people going for it.

I should sell all my shit and move up to QLD....
God this fucking sucks, it just makes me so depressed sometimes.
I've got so much knowledge in such a wide variety of areas but nothing useful for a job.
And I think that I can do one thing, but then realise I would need to study for 2 or 3 or 4 years to even have a chance
and I don't know if I will even like the subject enough to do that.

I've been learning programming, but I don't think my heart is in it. It's really well paying, and I used to enjoy it when I was younger but
it just bores me now.
I could fix computers for a living, I find that okay, it's pretty easy, but to make good money you need to get a degree of course, and you have to learn shit about
databases and all that and I just have no idea where to start to see if I would like it anyway.

And if I were to go to Uni to try to get into Veterinary school like I was thinking about, I still need a job first because I need money to live.
So I'm just thinking about things that aren't huge commitments like apprenticeships or whatever, so that leaves menial tasks that are all taken up because the job market is shit here for that kind of thing.

esndfnjsd.... I've just been stuck in this rut for way too long.

I keep thinking about this quote from a movie I saw recently that was something like "I'm good at a lot of things, so I do nothing".
Something like that.
Point is, so much stuff interests me, but I can't settle on one thing. And the things I think I could do for a good while, I can't make money with.

Also a comment on Reddit that this guy wrote, he was saying that there is no place for the mediocre.
He's not a super intelligent genius, so he doesn't fit in there, but he's interested in science and philosophy and all that and knows a fair bit, so he doesn't fit in with the plebs who just wanna do manual labour to earn lots of money and then get drunk every night.

I feel exactly like that. There is no place for me. The best I see happening is getting a shitty job that crushes my soul because I'm not dumb enough to enjoy it by chatting to idiots about their pathetic lives that nobody cares about. Doing so would make it even more intolerable. And I can't see myself in the intelligent crowd either, doing cool work and talking about actual interesting subjects because I'm not smart enough for that. The logical conclusion is that there is no happy life for someone who doesn't fit in to one of those categories. At least not that I can see.

It's oxytocin. It has to be. Oxytocin levels are high during REM. 5-HT2A receptors have oxytocinergic effects, in addition to 5-HT1A, 5-HT2C, D2, and alpha1-adrenergic receptors. It's likely that 5-HT2B indirectly stimulates oxytocin secretion as well through increasing serotonin levels. It all makes sense if you think about it. The more similar a chemical is to serotonin, the more oxytocin it's probably going to release. Tryptamines generally have 5-HT1A activity, while the phenethylamines often don't. I think that's why tryptamine psychedelics are more likely to feel real and spiritual than phenethylamines. The exception would be for those phenethylamines that clearly have D2 activity, such as mescaline and 2C-E. LSD actually binds to 5-HT1A and D2 in addition to its psychedelic effects, and DMT binds to 5-HT1A, 5-HT2B, and alpha1, and it's more similar in structure to serotonin than LSD is. They're also commonly touted as the most realistic and mind-expanding psychedelics. Notably, however, bufotenine is often said to be more realistic and complex than DMT by DMT vets, and it's almost identical in structure to serotonin. Oxytocin is the love hormone, but I mean that in a way more than just creating feelings of love for someone. It creates those feelings of acceptance and high emotional states, and most importantly to what I've been thinking about now, it's involved in facial recognition. DMT entities are often regarded as real beings.... Could it be because the large release of oxytocin puts life in their eyes? Any hallucinogen can create perceptions of human(oid)s, but tipping the scales like this could be what makes DMT entities stand out from those on other drugs. Another thing to consider is serotonin releasing agents, like MDMA. They're known to create a large amount of their effects from a strong increase in oxytocin levels, and drugs that are simultaneously 5-HT2A agonists and serotonin releasing agents are often recognized for creating convincing hallucinations. These would include AMT, MDA, 6-APB, and MMDA, among others. MDMA is also known to cause hallucinations to become more structured and delirious when combined with strong 5-HT2A agonists. MMDA is the most significant to me, though, as it's actually a selective serotonin releasing agent and it's known to produce intensely realistic visuals. MMDA is a very rare drug that very few people have ever sampled recreationally (at least, people who talked about it afterward), it was illegal before the research chemical scene really came into existence and a lot of people don't know about it, so reports are scarce. However, one of my favorite trip reports is of MMDA and the person who took it, who is quite experienced with many hallucinogens both common and rare, claimed that the only thing that he could compare to the reality of it is DMT. He specifically stated that the entities he perceived on it seemed really alive.

Well damn. While typing out all that I was still reading through different articles, and I found one called "Evidence for the existence of dopamine d2-oxytocin receptor heteromers in the ventral and dorsal striatum with facilitatory receptor–receptor interactions". This changes everything. (Well, not everything.) Now I'm starting to wonder if dopamine and oxytocin are meant to work in concert for facial recognition. Like I said before, any hallucinogen can create perceptions of faces and entities, in fact they're incredibly common at higher doses with most of them. This is especially true in the case of drugs that can cause psychosis, and I'm pretty sure that that largely works through the striatum. D2 is the main hallucinogenic dopamine receptor and so it should be implicated in this, and the thing is, it's verifiable that even drugs that bind to D2 but lower dopamine and oxytocin levels can still generate hallucinations of entities. I'm referring mainly to salvinorin A, the main psychoactive component of salvia. This is also observable in people who have high dopamine but low oxytocin naturally, like people with schizophrenia. They're still able to perceive faces just fine (unless they're hallucinating of course), but they have a difficult time recognizing them. So what I'm thinking is that maybe dopamine is involved in the sensory aspects of it while oxytocin is involved in the social aspects? And it's possible that this interaction is what creates a fully crisp and realistic image of reality, or of hallucinations in higher activity. Like, basically all hallucinogens work downstream through dopamine release, and the more oxytocin you have released at the same time would increase the activity of D2 specifically here, and that could explain what I went over above.

I wonder if anyone's ever tried to use oxytocin as a dream supplement before? Time to do some more research....

I actually had something else that was more of a complain to include too, but this is too distracting now. I'll post it in my next rant if it's still bugging me.

Originally Posted by Woodstock

I haven't looked at my email for a couple weeks and now I have over 2,000 new emails, 99% of them from DV. Does anyone know how to make it stop emailing me every time someone replies to a thread?

I have 6000 emails from DV, so I just filtered them all into a separate folder in GMail. Too lazy to find the delete all button

Rave: SCHOOL IS TOMORROW HOORAY. I get to see people and stuff yay.
Rant: School is tomorrow dammit. I have to do stuff now.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

It's oxytocin. It has to be.

Explain? What has to be oxytocin?

Originally Posted by SpaceCowboyDave

So according to my dad, he should force members of the family to watch movies (on DVD) because it is "family participation." I really am concerned by the idea that staring at a glowing rectangle with absolutely no interaction is a family gathering. I understand that my brother shouldn't be locked in his room all day, but my father is seriously overestimating the value of watching a film. And forcing him to do it just makes everything worse for everyone. But what do I know about parenting or supporting a family? that's my anti-rant...

My family says the same thing. They and think I'm antisocial if I'd rather play my guitar than watch another dumb love/comedy thing. Those movies always end the same, what's the point of even watching them?

Rant:
How I feel trying to understand alyzarins posts

Rant: Huge, neurotic dog #1 is feeling better but she has apparently passed her violent hyper-diarrhea on to our huge, neurotic dog #2. I got to find out about this during my WBTB. I'll spare you the details, but suffice to say that I need to get by the store soon and pick up more Lysol wipes, paper towels, carpet cleaner, and dog shampoo.

I vary my WBTB activities somewhat, but I like for them to be related to lucid dreaming rather than to splatter-painted dog shit.

Anti-rant: I was in a foul mood after this, so I felt justified in treating myself to an Alpha-GPC. I had two LDs through the morning, and felt great again when I got up.

Anti-rant #2: My dogs aren't used to having stomach trouble and keep fleeing in terror from the sound of their own farts. I confess that I find this hilarious no matter how many times it happens.