Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Stare them in the eye! don't back down, its all about pack dominance with dogs, be loud around them, stand tall and act like you own them. little dogs are the worst about pack dominance (Little Guy Syndrome?)

Thanks ZeraCook.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Now-a-days, however, I still have no working stove or oven. Everything I "cook" comes out of a small microwave. I also have no real fridge, just a tiny thing that can hold a gallon of milk and a 2 liter of Soda and that's about it (there is a little ledge under a teensy freezer section for small things like sticks of butter. I have a huge freezer though. Perfect for storing microwave dinners, lasagnas etc.
That's why I now eat a lot of soup. But I need to pick healthier selections before the sodium kills me. But I love those Cups of Soup (Creamy Tomato, Broccoli, Chicken and Stars)

Ugh.... I can't stand canned soup anymore. I had some the other night and felt so disgusting.
The only prepackaged meal I like a vegetable lasagne and this ravioli sauce. The sauce is so expensive though, like $5 for 2 meals worth.


My mum got me an employment form coz they had them at the supermarket. I filled it out and then saw you have to mail it instead of just bringing it in.
So I'm just doing it online now. But I keep putting it off. This job would actually be pretty good. I have to fill it out before the end of today, or I'll punch myself in the face to give myself some discipline

This life is suffocating. It feels like a prison.

I'm not in a good place right now. I need to sleep....

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

That's all I've ever used it for. I can't be in a bad mindset to get high? It's not like psychedelics are the only drugs I'm not using right now.

Meh, sorry if I came off presumptuous. I never really understood how anyone could freak out on acid and yet they do all the time. Likewise, I never understood why people are so particular about the right set and setting for acid. I mean granted there's some people I simply can't fry around because I can't even stand them sober and there's other people I prefer to fry with because they're really close friends and they put me at ease. I suppose this is more a criticism of people who think "if I'm going to do acid, I want to go to the mountains!" There's a whole mindset I don't get of people who feel like they need to utilize their trip by making sure it's awesome. And I don't understand people who refuse to fry because they want to be in a better place in their life where they have no worries to drag them down. Most people's attitude regarding acid make no sense to me, but then again I've done it over 40 times and shrooms just as often and I suppose I left all those preconceptions about it behind. Everyone's little rules are just stupid to me now.

But I do understand taking breaks. I've taken breaks, regrounded myself, did more acid, realized my grounding was silly, destroyed all sense of reality, taken another break, etc.

Setting and Attitude is everything, for me, I don't even drink if I feel like shit.

Well anyways I have a question.

So my friend's younger brother has two female 17 year old friends that live together in an apartment. I consider these girls my friends as well, and so it really disturbs me to see this 26 year old dude creeping around their apartment, dropping by at random times to give one of them a fucking hostess cupcake, asking random teenage girls how old they are, then continuing to hit on them... this guy's behavior has been fucking outrageous and I've thought to tell him off a few times but never have, as of yet.

So anyways. He asked to talk to me today and started telling me about another guy in the girls' apartment building who's like 60 and gives them free booze and gets them drunk. Both these two creepy guys have apparently gone to a bar together and talked, and pedo #1 told me that pedo #2 bragged about how he was going to get into their panties. So now I'm a little curious how to proceed. I feel like going on a covert operation and getting a disguise. I suppose I should talk to pedo #2 myself rather than take pedo #1's word for it. I really hope Pedo #1 was lying because he's a piece of shit I can handle, I don't even want to think about this other creepy old dude trying to fuck these girls that are like little sisters to me. I could wait until pedo #2 is getting them drunk and then call the cops so he gets furbishing. They'd get MIPs though and I don't want that, especially if pedo #1 was lying just to make him appear less creepy.

What do you when Lex Luthor enlists you to stop Doomsday?

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

This life is suffocating. It feels like a prison.

I'm not in a good place right now. I need to sleep....

I know that feel bro....

I spend most of my time trying to escape. A few moments here and there where I think I can keep going and improve and do well.
But generally I regress in to feeling overwhelmed and trapped.



I didn't send that application, don't think I will tonight. If they see I submit it this late it may already be an bad mark against it.
But of course that's just a pathetic excuse.

I don't really have time to type up responses right now, but I will later. I'm getting ready to leave for classes that last most of the day, but there is a short break in between. And of course, it just has to be today, one of my only two days of classes (I only took Tuesday and Thursday classes). It's my birthday today. This should be barrels of fun. On the upside, I'm slightly less depressed than I was last night. I had sort of an emotional breakthrough this morning.... It's one that's going to take some maintaining, but it'll be worth it in the end.

Guess I better get ready to head out....

OMG. So remember my post about my band merch? Well it turned out that my band merch has been on a table outside in my garden for 9 days now. So I think the neighbours must have put it there without actually telling us. We weren't expecting that at all lol. So yesterday I've contacted the company, I've sent them a message on twitter, facebook and email. And now I had to tell em that I've already recieved my band merch which was quite akward xD. But anyways I've got it so I'm really happy

I'm still curious if anyone has advice as far as what I should do about these potential pedophiles.

But I feel like rambling.

I like a girl and she likes me and it's obvious she likes me and it's obvious I like her and for some reason I'm awkward as fuck around her and completely off my game and I don't know why, why the fuck can't I talk to her like a normal person? How did she turn me so fucking awkward she's not even that hot. She'd be the least attractive girl I ever fucked and yet for some reason I haven't been this awkward around a girl since I was 15. I don't know why, part of me thinks it's something spiritual, like we recognize each other, and another part of me calls that first part of me a crazy idiot and tells me to just fuck her and get it over with and then there's part of me that thinks if we fuck we'll fuck there's no reason to stress over it but part of me still is mildly worried that I'll turn her off with all my awkwardness and another part is super fucking anxious about the whole situation and I tell that part that everything will be okay, there will be more fish even if I botch this opportunity. There are always girls. But maybe there's a reason I like this girl so much, maybe there's some deep compatibility. I already mentioned how she's not that hot. Pretty eyes but janky teeth, not fat but bigger than the coat hangers I'm used to fucking. And yet something unscrupulously devouring about the thought of her, something dispassionately torturous about the presence of her. Something beautiful about the whole situation. Something intolerable about this particular stage of our connection, but precious in it's inability to repeat. Something devastating and liberating. Something like a callus peeled off and a little boy still afraid of his mother residing just below the surface of skin. I wonder what her pussy tastes like.

Classes aside, I hope you have a great b-day, Aly.

Crashyy, glad you finally got your shirts

OP, I don't think I'd interact with the pedos at all. I'd warn the girls.

Tommo, I'm friggin in love with canned soup right now. I discovered I'm addicted to salt. Seriously. When I go to Sheetz, I get 2 hotdogs with Provalone Cheese and Bacon PLUS an order of Cheese Sticks (6 I think). I usually just eat the cheese and bacon and give the hotdogs to my dog. And chicken noodle (stars, creamy etc) is so friggin delicious to me. My blood pressure is great, so that's not an immediate concern. But I cannot get enough of salty food. Maybe my body's depleted from my meds and herbs or something. When I was a kid and young adult, my dad actually picked on me for preferring bland food What happened

My rant is that I am dying from Bleach exposure. Ugh. My eyes are tearing, my nose is running and cigarettes taste like crap because bleach always kills my taste buds first.
I crawled under the trailer earlier. And by crawling, I mean wiggling on my stomach. It looks as if the toilets drainage is leaking. I stuck my x-acto into the plastic and waited for an avalanche of water. Nothing came. But the pipes, from one end to the other were dripping. It looked like extreme condensation. I gave up. It didn't help that the stray, Lovey Boy, was in my face the entire time. I kept pushing him away and felt guilty because I was so harsh with him. But seriously, cat, why can't you stay out of my friggin face?! I'd pet him if he wasn't so aggressive in his need for attention.
My insulation had, indeed, fallen down. I didn't even go examine it though. I'm sick of trying to figure out how to fix all this stuff. My hubby can spend tens of thousands of dollar on art glass. I think it's about time he splurged on a repairman. Too much needs done and I seem to make things worse with my attempts.

Anyhow. So I came inside in a horrible mood and yelled at my son to get cleaning (even though I told him earlier he could get on WoW when I was under the trailer). I'm tired of living like this.
So I then took a shower while he worked in the kitchen. I can out, apologized for being such a crab-ass, then I got to work on the bathroom.
While it dried and the tub slowly drained (my giant mop "bucket" seeing how it's not used as an actual tub seeing how the hot water doesn't work), I got to work mopping the kitchen.
After 20 minutes, I told my son he needed to take over.

So, I'm taking a break for a couple of hours, then I need to finish the bathroom and touch up a couple areas in the kitchen.
Tomorrow, I'll go back under the trailer and pop the insulation back into place until hubby gets someone out here. And I'll keep the water main shut off, in case of leakage, when we're not actively using it. Temps are supposed to plummet day after tomorrow again.

for everyone.

Originally Posted by oneiroer

Some dogs just piss me off. I keep having to defend myself against 2 little dogs who think they own the place wherever they go. It sucks. One of these days I might have to kick them. I don't want to but if I have to... Any suggestions on what to do about them? I don't want to resort to violence.

What are they just like running free somewhere? If so, just bark back. Yell at them, tell them to get lost. Little dogs especially will listen. They know they're little, although they sometimes forget it if their human is around to protect them.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ALY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by Crashyy

OMG. So remember my post about my band merch? Well it turned out that my band merch has been on a table outside in my garden for 9 days now. So I think the neighbours must have put it there without actually telling us. We weren't expecting that at all lol. So yesterday I've contacted the company, I've sent them a message on twitter, facebook and email. And now I had to tell em that I've already recieved my band merch which was quite akward xD. But anyways I've got it so I'm really happy

hahahaha similar thing happened to me, wondering where the hell my Sigur Ros t-shirt was, I think it was, it was way over delivery date and then my mum came over and found it in the garage.
Postie must have put it there coz I wasn't home.

I had a dream about a few of my ex-friends this morning just before I woke up. I was in the supermarket and happened to be right next to the guy in our group, then he said something and walked off. I guess the dream skipped after that and I was in some sort of classroom warehouse weird thing and I saw one of the girl's art books up on this platform, I got up there and just started flipping through it. There was some intelligible drawings and things in there, but then there were also memories, some that never happened IRL. Not sure why I had this dream.
I don't really miss them, they were shit shit shit shit friends, in the end. I did like the girl who's art book I was looking in.
But she was a bit of bitch too, so I'm basically over her, and have been for a while. Incredibly beautiful though, so maybe I'm still hanging on somewhat.

Ono the plus side, it transitioned to me playing piano and I was making this weird sound with it, sort of like a trance song. But then the sheet music changed to letters.
As soon as I woke up, I realised that was a massive dream sign, but in the dream I was just trying to figure out what they mean, why they're like that.
This means I'm getting closer to LDing, because with practice I'll start questioning weird things as signifying a dream

GAH! I somehow went from -6.25 to -7 in the span of like a month. I went to the eye doctor today, and yea. got my eyes dilated, and this sucks balls. But he doesn't know quite whats going on. I suggested maybe diabetes, and he was kinda on the fence with that. My mom kinda freaked me out, cause she always fucking overacts to this shit, now I'm worried as fuck. I really, really don't want to go back to the doctor, cause I spend to much god-damn time there because people god-damn overreact and scare me. I was just there last week. Mother fucker.

@Zhaylin im not sure which addiction is worse, salt or tobacco? Lol

I feel really gross. I try to stay away from fast food. And when I do get it I try to get something light like subway or a fruit salad. But I just got a Mc.Donalds Burger and fries. And now I just feel fat.

<<<<< hugs Aly and offers good birthday wishes....because I'm drunk


Happy Birthsday!

Happy birthsday! Lol

Just finished watching Fringe. God that was a great show. I'm sorry it ended, but it ended well.

Happy birthday Aly

Spoiler for wah:

If people get emotional towards me while I'm in a fairly calm state, I can talk things out with them obviously. But if we're both emotional, it seems I'm just the more insecure one even though I'm sure my problems are just too petty for me to imply that. I just feel sad and depressed sometimes when I talk to someone I care about a lot not being able to see the logic behind their anxiety.

It's as if they don't think I never had suicidal thoughts, existential issues, solipsistic thoughts, murderous thoughts (very cruel ones). Sure, when a person can think clearly when they aren't anxious, that's perfectly reasonable. And even if I am anxious, I do realize fairly quickly that the thoughts are just temporary and are just simply distractions that prevent me from being who I want to be. It seems people try to rank who has the worse insecurities and problems, as if that's going to get them anywhere in life. I remember my Physics teacher in High school that stated a quote about how "Everyone has problems, some are just greater than others."

I understand that there are petty problems, and bigger problems, but the totality of that problem's intensity shouldn't be an excuse even for those who have a traumatic lifestyle (and traumatic is being a very loose term I'm using her). Whatever problems, no matter the intensity, is simply a person not letting themselve be aware of solutions they can take. I know this is completely invalid if someone had a terminal illness, but in terms of things that are just a mental distraction, it can definitely be diminished.

The same goes for friends as well, I've made some really good friends in my childhood, most I took for granted, but if someone is willing to make themselves feel guilty for an action they regret that possibly ruined the friendship, how could you use that single moment to justify how you'll interact with others. You're going to react differently to different people, so why feel that you aren't capable of moving on? Especially if you already acknowledged you made the mistake, and that you can do nothing about it, and yet still contemplate on the action....that's not you moving on at all.

We're going to have attachments to people and have a preset image of them that might never change no matter how much they grow, but to make your life a detriment just because you felt bad on what you did to them? It just doesn't really make sense, and it doesn't even matter if a person is selectively social or just gregarious naturally, but maybe it's because I just think that holding on to your friends like posessions seems worthless because there can be other people that could match them as well. Maybe not completely obviously, but generally, if they have a set of attributes that you prefer, you'll likely get the same result.

Maybe this is why I just think that if someone is so fixated on a person's existence for a particular insecurity, I just think (but not literally),

"What if they were shot right in front of you?"

You were so engaged into this person because they had qualities you like, and you treated them just as if you were taking a drug. You loved every aspect on how they made you feel, and the moment the supply/body is gone completely, it's suddenly the end of the world. You completely forget that simply showering yourself in pity and guilt over how you attach yourself to that person is just making you waste time in learning how to cope with it an move on. Simply speculating on it is not coping with it or trying to feel sympathetic or whatever, it's just denying that some things won't go your way when you start taking them for granted.

If the same scenario was for a family member, it wouldn't make sense since obviously familial roots would be more memorable. If a person didn't have that specific relative with their set of qualities that shapes who they are, they might have had a different crisis than before. Yes, the types of friends we're exposed to do have some substance in a person's collection of how they socialize with others, but it's not as powerful as from family. Even if a person's parents died, and relied on placing a father and mother figure on a friend that was way mature, it's still considered family to that person. But once that symbolism has been engrained, it's back to square one with how friends can come and go.

TL ; DR (since I'm apparently the only one with mental inconsistencies in this thread):

1. Problems are problems, no matter the intensity of it (in relation to just things that are mental distractions and aren't things like terminal illnesses that can't be avoided).

2. Not understanding that you treat your friends like you treat a drug, and not being able to move on and realize you have to find others so you can cope with the loss seems to get you nowhere. But no one ever thinks if their friend was shot right in front of them, because who would want to do that?

To them,It's better to just take them for granted apparently (which is absurd because anyone can condition themselves to think the opposite), and anyone that thinks about friends being replaced easily is inhumane. Riiiight, and when they say "There are plenty of fish in the sea," that concept somehow, in your reality, is not anything related in promoting that you shouldn't emotionally glue yourself to a certain amount of people that aren't even set as symbolisms of family figures.

Okay. Makes sense. No one is going to drink wine and say, "No I can't do this! Because eventually, I will get a headache!" They'll just say, "I like the part where it makes me sedated and happy and forgetful of reality...I'm not going to stop taking something even if it kills me as long as it makes me happy!!"

Yay!

Originally Posted by NewArtemis

Just finished watching Fringe. God that was a great show. I'm sorry it ended, but it ended well.

I still have about 4 episodes Queued on Hulu that I can't bring myself to watch just yet lol

Link, we live in a throw-away and instant gratification society. And some people don't make excuses, per se, as they're just brutally honest with themselves.
I don't make friends anymore. I take on a care-giver role. I'll be friends with anyone who needs me. But lines and loyalties are eventually blurred. My first obligation is to my hubby (now that my kids aren't here). If a friend needs me to do something I know hubby wouldn't like, I'd do what my friend wants anyhow if I think it important enough. Then I make excuses or lie or tell half-truths to keep harmony.
I feel too intensely. I get close too easily, too quickly. But I'm also a hermit and people drain me, so I could go weeks, months, years without talking to someone then pick right back up as if no time had passed at all.

Are those excuses holding me back? I think it's cold reality. It's my nature. I have no desire to change that nature.
So you weigh the pros against the cons. I don't like wine (for example) but I love my smokes. I love how they make me feel even though they will most likely kill me one day. So again, it's pros and cons (and part of that instant gratification).

My rant is that I took a 4 hour nap. My throat is scratchy, my nose is runny and my eyes are miserable (dry/teary) thanks to all that bleach exposure. Ugh. But the house is looking nice again
And, I'm sure I killed the septic tank and will hear hubby bitching about it soon. Bleach kills off the bacteria septic tanks needs, so hubby's pipes will soon be "farting" stench in his kitchen. The septic tank just did get back to normal too
And now my bird is "barking". ANd if I talk to him, to calm him down, the dog keeps jealous and expects MORE attention than the bird's getting lol.
Ugh... my eyes could also be reacting to stupid Lovey Boy. I have a slight cat allergy. I'm fine unless they get in my face. He went right across my eyes several times
I guess I should take an allergy pill because the eye drops are doing absolutely nothing. But the med is going to put me back to sleep.
Pros and cons lol

I'm going to lock his butt inside the house later today when I try to jimmy-rig the insulation.

I want to read and reply to some stuff, but I'm on my phone and I'm in a mood and that's what I want to post about.

I think I'm hysterical. There's no one emotion behind it, im just super psychically upset. I haven't felt like this in a while and not being able to properly identify what I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it is upsetting in itself. My heart is racing and I couldn't sleep if I tried. It's this awful thing where one tiny push in either direction and I'll be laughing uncontrollably or crying my eyes out. I'm extremely happy and heartbreakingly sad, and mostly just filled with wonder at all that there is and feeling all of this potential in me and everything else. It's really confusing and awesome and horrible. All I know is that I need to listen to music. Really, really loud music.

What the hell is happening?

Originally Posted by NewArtemis

I want to read and reply to some stuff, but I'm on my phone and I'm in a mood and that's what I want to post about.

I think I'm hysterical. There's no one emotion behind it, im just super psychically upset. I haven't felt like this in a while and not being able to properly identify what I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it is upsetting in itself. My heart is racing and I couldn't sleep if I tried. It's this awful thing where one tiny push in either direction and I'll be laughing uncontrollably or crying my eyes out. I'm extremely happy and heartbreakingly sad, and mostly just filled with wonder at all that there is and feeling all of this potential in me and everything else. It's really confusing and awesome and horrible. All I know is that I need to listen to music. Really, really loud music.

What the hell is happening?

I've felt like that before too. It's usually when I've been thinking about existence a lot, or something else happens that just causes great uncertainty.
Go for a run.

Thanks for all the birthday wishes, guys.

Originally Posted by Original Poster

Meh, sorry if I came off presumptuous. I never really understood how anyone could freak out on acid and yet they do all the time. Likewise, I never understood why people are so particular about the right set and setting for acid. I mean granted there's some people I simply can't fry around because I can't even stand them sober and there's other people I prefer to fry with because they're really close friends and they put me at ease. I suppose this is more a criticism of people who think "if I'm going to do acid, I want to go to the mountains!" There's a whole mindset I don't get of people who feel like they need to utilize their trip by making sure it's awesome. And I don't understand people who refuse to fry because they want to be in a better place in their life where they have no worries to drag them down. Most people's attitude regarding acid make no sense to me, but then again I've done it over 40 times and shrooms just as often and I suppose I left all those preconceptions about it behind. Everyone's little rules are just stupid to me now.

But I do understand taking breaks. I've taken breaks, regrounded myself, did more acid, realized my grounding was silly, destroyed all sense of reality, taken another break, etc.

Well, the thing for me is that I'm still trying to work past a lot of my escapism issues, and drug use kind of goes hand in hand with that. Along with the anxiety I built up from fucking deliriants. The last several times I tried to do anything like tripping it turned very negative very quickly. I know that it's possible to trip and have a great time when you're in a horrible mindset, because I've done it plenty of times, but it's kind of hard when that mindset responds directly to taking drugs. I also just have some other issues that I'd really like to let go of before letting myself consider that kind of stuff again, things I just need to focus on.

Originally Posted by tommo

I know that feel bro....

I spend most of my time trying to escape. A few moments here and there where I think I can keep going and improve and do well.
But generally I regress in to feeling overwhelmed and trapped.



I didn't send that application, don't think I will tonight. If they see I submit it this late it may already be an bad mark against it.
But of course that's just a pathetic excuse.

Yup, that's pretty much where I am.... The good times are starting to get a bit longer, though. I'm really hoping that that's a good sign.

Did you submit it yet?

Originally Posted by NewArtemis

I want to read and reply to some stuff, but I'm on my phone and I'm in a mood and that's what I want to post about.

I think I'm hysterical. There's no one emotion behind it, im just super psychically upset. I haven't felt like this in a while and not being able to properly identify what I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it is upsetting in itself. My heart is racing and I couldn't sleep if I tried. It's this awful thing where one tiny push in either direction and I'll be laughing uncontrollably or crying my eyes out. I'm extremely happy and heartbreakingly sad, and mostly just filled with wonder at all that there is and feeling all of this potential in me and everything else. It's really confusing and awesome and horrible. All I know is that I need to listen to music. Really, really loud music.

What the hell is happening?

Mostly what tommo said. It sounds like you're just really, really stimulated. I always feel like I'm going crazy when that happens, but it'll pass, you just need to let loose some energy and cool down.

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I have a rant, but no time to type it (a minor rant in itself). I might get to it later.