When I was 13 years old, I went on a date with my first girlfriend, ever, who was 15. It all went pretty well until the end. She held a hand out, signaling a hug, but not realizing this, I shook her hand. Suddenly, I realized what she meant, and then I sat there for a minute, confused. Then I kind of laughed a little, and she jokingly offered a hand shake, to which I grabbed her awkwardly in a hug. Then she raised her hand to wave, and I high-five'd her. Later that night, I proceeded to destroy every bone in my palm using only my face.

Last year in U.S. History, I decided to get up and recite the Gettysburg Address for extra credit. What I didn't know was that I had to do it in-front of the class. I'm terrible at doing things like that when I'm being watched by lots of people, so I became incredibly nervous. With no podium, the entire class of 21 could see my knees shaking as I scrambled for the words. I slowly and painfully pieced together the first paragraph throughout the multiple, once more I say, painful, attempts to redirect attention at other people. It was rather pathetic. This went on for a bit until the teacher finally just kind of asked me to sit down. He knew that I knew it, and would ask me to recite it for him later, but I guess he could see how terribly unprepared I was for the whole thing. It was incredibly embarrassing. I was haunted by that experience for months. No one made fun of me that I knew of, but I sure was making fun of myself for being so ridiculous.

Oh, and see, I've never asked anyone out before, and honestly, sometimes I feel like I never will. I have a really hard time forcing myself to do anything but walk in a straight line, look in a straight line, and try to make sure that no one else knows I exist. Last year, even as old as 16, this ageless phobia got a hold of me. The only girl I've ever liked in my school was in my path to the locker, and I was with two friends, a guy and a girl, who knew how much I like her. They started pushing me forwards and telling me to ask her out then, and I kept saying I couldn't and trying to just shrug it off, but the closer they got, the more they pushed, and so I did the only thing I knew how to do.

I bailed. I ran away, down the hallway, got on the bus, sat there and didn't say a word to anyone. I'm not even sure that was embarrassing. In retrospect, yeah. At the time, I was just relieved to be anywhere but there.