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    Non-Lucid Dreams

    1. Rain and Purple Larkspurs

      by , 10-17-2017 at 10:28 AM
      Morning of October 17, 2017. Tuesday.



      My wife Zsuzsanna and our family as we appear now are living in the Cubitis house. There is a gentle rain. I am aware that our oldest son will be returning from his job (same job as in real life despite the erroneous 1978 setting of Florida rather than here in Australia). I contemplate if one of us should go and get him so that he will not get wet walking back in the rain. Zsuzsanna says that she will when the time comes.

      I am in the living room with Zsuzsanna. I look out the windows into the Cubitis backyard (it seems to be late morning but still raining) and notice a row of tall purple larkspurs that are close to the windows, under the awnings, and parallel to the entire east side of the house. They are not yet in full bloom. I think about asking Zsuzsanna when she planted them (perhaps very early on the previous morning), as I do not recall when she could have done this, which puzzles me slightly as I consider how wonderfully industrious and sedulous she is.

      In an area near the center of the large backyard are a few weeds where there is otherwise mostly short grass, but I also see about three or four potato plants in a couple random spots. It is raining, so I will pull out the weeds later. There is a vivid sense of love and peace.

      Zsuzsanna tells me that our oldest son will probably be off work about an hour early, as people do not usually shop there when it is raining. (This turned out to be prescient curiously enough, and it has not happened in this way before. I fail to see why people would stay home from shopping just because it is raining, but I guess I forgot that some people are “depressed” by rainy weather, whereas I am not.)



      I have been a devoted dream journalist all my life (and I even married my literal dream girl) and yet have never held any interest or belief in “interpretation”, mainly because my dreams, other than literally prescient threads, naturally decode themselves prior to fully waking, revealing their origins and manner of synthesis, but also because my dreams have held the same basic components and patterns, especially variations of waking symbolism and the same RAS triggers (such as emergent alertness to real environmental noise) since early childhood.



      Look closely at the threads that are accurate and those that have no basis for accuracy.

      My personified subconscious (dream self) is aware that I am happily married to Zsuzsanna, yet we are living in a house in America (Florida), where Zsuzsanna (and our children) have never been and I have not been since 1978 when I was only seventeen. (Zsuzsanna and our children have always lived in Australia.) This is not even the house in Wisconsin I was living in years before Zsuzsanna and I first began writing to each other.

      My dream self is aware that it is raining in real life at our present location (and in fact, this dream began within seconds of falling asleep again) and (again, as in the above paragraph) I am in a different house in my dream, also aware that it is raining, yet without the awareness of where I am in time and space (and how interesting is that?).

      I am aware that our oldest son has a job and even the exact location of where he works, and yet again, there is no conflict between the impossible contrast of living in Cubitis (an isolated rural area through which only a small highway intersected) and in an urban area in a different country. (My dream self usually does not find the implication of either bilocation or mixed-up composites, which are very common in my dreams, as unusual in any way.)

      I am aware that there are weeds in our backyard in real life (it has been raining continuously for a few days), yet (again) this is rendered into the backyard of an incorrect setting.

      Despite the otherwise fictional nature of this scenario, there are a few real-life factors, and even a typical thread of prescience (which I have always experienced on a day-to-day basis, yet do not always go into detail about as my entries are often already very long).


    2. A Baby in my Shoe

      by , 10-13-2017 at 07:28 PM
      Morning of October 13, 2017. Friday.



      My wife Zsuzsanna and our children are living in the Loomis Street house (with no recall on my part that she has never been to America and no recall of my relatives of whom lived in the house). Although our youngest son is the age he is now, our youngest daughter is a baby.

      We all seem to be going out as a family, though I am not sure if it includes a shopping trip or perhaps a movie. At one point, I begin to have concern about where our youngest daughter has gotten off to, though I consider that, as she is a baby, she would probably not have gone off on her own somewhere, at least very far.

      As I am sitting on the couch in the living room (facing north as it was in reality when I was last there) and our youngest son is to my left in an armchair and getting ready for us to go out, I see that our baby daughter is inside one of my shoes on the floor in front of me, though a bit to my left. I see her face looking out from the opening of my shoe. She is lying on her back looking out. I am puzzled about how she ended up inside my shoe like this. Perhaps she crawled into it and had fallen asleep for a time. I do not consider that her size is impossibly small. I am somewhat relieved that I now know where she is.

      I am concerned about her for a short time. She makes a couple faces, but also seems to be holding her breath at one point, her cheeks puffing out. My concern passes as she continues to make different faces, moving her mouth and eyes in unusual ways. She seems cheerful and amused.



      It always amazes me how vivid a dream can be and realistic in some ways yet totally absurd in others, and yet my non-lucid dream self does not question such impossible nonsense at all.


    3. Ear or Wing?

      by , 10-08-2017 at 10:18 AM
      Morning of July 5, 2016. Tuesday.



      My dream self’s primary focus is that I am in our bed in our present home, though with a vague and inconsequential awareness of bilocation within an unknown second location. (My second-most-common form of dream state initiation involves transformation of sleeping location factors, which is simply the residual though subliminal memory dynamic of having fallen asleep, the most common being various forms of water induction. My common awareness of bilocation in the dream state is simply caused by the modulation of the imaginary dream body and the real physical body, though of which was more vivid and sustained in childhood dreams, especially during the waking stage.)

      I am holding a manila envelope which apparently needs to be mailed. (This is real-time dream state symbolism as a concomitant of a residual consciously created thread to trigger communication between the imaginary dream self and the dormant conscious self identity, though it does not always work or even vivify the dream state. In this case however, it does vivify my dream somewhat but does not trigger lucidity.)

      I look at the front but I am not clear on the address of the business. (This is simply the result of my language skills being dormant while in some levels of unconsciousness, though writing is clearly readable in some dreams, depending on the dream type and particular stage.)

      On the back of the envelope is what looks like a tic-tac-toe grid (though is not necessarily implied to be one as it could also be a magic square frame or just a generic three-by-three grid). In the rightmost square of the middle row is a sketchy image of a human left ear.

      I turn the envelope over to see if I can make out the name or address again and when I once again look at the back, the “ear” now looks like a sketchy wing drawing, though still somewhat like a human left ear. My dream fades as I am puzzling over this imagery.



      Note One: As a casual reader might guess, the mail symbolism (linked to the first-level dream state initiation, that is, the bed setting), common since childhood and established in practice from December 1966, was not consciously intended to be literally rendered as such, but rather as a “line of communication” sustained into the dream state via conscious intent. However, due to the very nature of being unconscious, my conscious intent naturally ebbs and becomes a literal rendering of this metaphor in the non-lucid dream state.

      Note Two: This is also very cleverly augmented “return flight” symbolism as precursory waking symbolism. My otherwise dormant conscious self is fully aware that inner ear dynamics are the main reason for flight symbols in the dream state, which occur in over one in five of the tens of thousands of dreams I have experienced and studied. (Any association with falling, flying, dizziness, or rising is biologically based on inner ear dynamics and RAS activation to bring about and mediate consciousness.)

      Note Three: Mail symbolism is also present with dream state duality (harmonious connection with one’s partner) or multiplicity (connection with the transpersonal or collective unconscious, including literal prescience, for example, an actual letter received in real life of the same content as seen previously in the dream state). This dream has no sign of either (although certain other dreams do).



      Resupplemented on Sunday, 8 October 2017.


      Tags: ear, envelope, wing
      Categories
      non-lucid
    4. An “Unreliable” Rivulet of Time

      by , 10-07-2017 at 08:15 PM
      Morning of October 7, 2017. Saturday.



      In the first part of my dream, I am seated at a picnic table, though it appears to be some sort of school. I am sitting at the third picnic table from the front of the class where the teacher is. (I am sitting in about the middle on the side opposite the side closest to the front of the room. I am facing the front of the room.)

      At one point, a young version of Zsuzsanna comes in and sits down directly on my left. The teacher objects to this, claiming that my talking to other students will distract from the class. I threaten him and tell him that he should not be so disrespectful of natural human relationships.

      He comes over to us with a folded piece of paper, opens it, and starts trying to “teach” us about vampires, zombies, and fictional creatures in general, that is, integrating them into a calculus problem, and I inform him that those are not even real, not a part of life (at least my life), and I then tell him that he is crazy and should not be teaching such garbage.

      Eventually, there is some sort of activity outside. Apparently, a road has been altered by some sort of “flaw in time”. I and the other students start to take notes to determine what the source of the problem is.

      The road is unusual, as traveling in one direction, one sees roadkill (at least three unidentifiable dead animals) but traveling in the opposite direction, one sees a couple rabbits and a groundhog or two. These are apparently the animals that have died when traveling from the other direction. I start to consider that it may actually relate to the mentality and beliefs of the people walking or driving down that road.

      The students stand in a long line along the road (parallel to the road) doing calculus equations to discover what is going on. I notice a young boy who is writing on a large sheet of paper. I tell him to make sure he is solving the vertical parts of the equation (such as complex fractions, though the imagery actually does have unrealistic longer vertical sequences including sigma summation in vertical form) as well as the horizontal and he nods and tells me that he is. I then ask him if he knows what the symbols are, specifically the “sideways M” (sigma), and he nods again. I look again to see if there are any symbols for vampires or other nonsense. My dream fades from here.


      Categories
      non-lucid
    5. Of Magic Matchbox Cars and Intoxicating Clam Shells

      by , 10-07-2017 at 12:31 PM
      Morning of October 7, 2017. Saturday.



      This dream has a thread of a consciously created type. However, it is sustained into non-lucidity, which always skews the pattern. In a previous dream, I used, “I invite the healing power of Universal Love into all areas of our lives”. For this one, I used, “I invite the infinite healing power of Universal Mind into all areas of our bodies” and changing it to “my body” in some sequences. As long-term readers would already know, I never post fully scripted dreams online, as there would be no point. However, I do post certain dreams of apex lucidity and dreams of this nature with singular or dual scripting threads that skew into amusing distortions. (Also, a fully scripted dream would have consciously created environmental details as well as visual details and situational details, not just a foundational affirmation as here.)

      I find myself in the dream state, but unlike with apex lucidity and sustained hypnagogia, my lucidity and conscious self identity is soon absent. The affirmation thread becomes a literal thread in my dream, that is, a string attached to the front bumper of a Matchbox car. (The string, sometimes a rope, is a method I use to go in and out of the dream state, symbolic of the “line of communication” with my conscious self identity, which typically disintegrates in the non-lucid dream state when it is replaced by my clueless personified subconsciou as my dream self.)

      This Matchbox car is a 1930s convertible. At times, even without being lucid, I will it to again become a “real” full-sized automobile that I drive around in an unknown large city. I drive it rapidly through various streets to where there is a focus on the idea of being stopped for speeding. Still, the police are always going in the opposite direction. At one point, I shrink the car back down and walk to an area near a wharf.

      The wharf is rendered rather curiously. It is at the side of the road where there is a ladder down to a small platform which is adjacent to a commercial building. An unknown black male is now present as well as my wife Zsuzsanna. There is a comment made by an unknown female who also comes to the area. It relates to my magic Matchbox car. She wants to know if she can borrow it to sail across the ocean. I consider this (without realizing that “sailing the ocean” is dream symbolism for dreaming itself). At this point, I will the car to become just large enough for her to fit in it and I place it on a raft that appears. Still, I consider that the mode of transportation is not stable enough, so I tell her that I do not think it is a reliable way to travel. Curiously, my hand seems to be as big as the raft as I test it for how much weight it can hold as well as its buoyancy dynamics.

      I am standing on the side of the road and the other male wants to borrow my car. I whistle for my Matchbox car and it arrives (from the other side of town) and grows to normal size. He gives me a roll of one-dollar notes. When he returns, I feel I should give him something in return. I hand him the handwritten affirmation (without realizing what it is) that had been in my wallet. I give him some other documents that feature unusual writing and symbols.

      My awareness shifts slightly, but I do not become lucid. I end up going into a large cave which is ambiguously rendered with the dynamics of a room in a house. A tunnel, more like a long hallway, leads to the opening. I whistle for my Matchbox car again and notice the end of the string near the mouth of my cave. I pull my Matchbox car into the cave using the string. (The car in this case is dual symbolism that represents my real physical body as well as the consciously created affirmation of which is still extant, but subliminal in this level of dream state awareness).

      There is an opening in the wall to the left (when inside the cave) of the entrance. (“On the left” typically relates to dream state induction or reinduction while right is the direction waking symbolism is oriented towards, at least for me, as I usually sleep on my left side, so any sort of waking prompt or biological RAS factor would naturally be perceived on the side more exposed and “open”; my right; kind of obvious, though I have considered additional factors of why this is - as in reading English and linear time as being from left to right, as well as right being my strongest side, though governed by the left hemisphere of the brain.)

      I discover a number of ancient artifacts and fossils. One is a ritual clam shell that is covered (and somehow seems to generate) an unusual intoxicating powder. This is a “healing powder” that cavemen used in prehistoric times. Although I have never been an active drug user in real life as such, I continue to slap the clam shell against my ears to become more and more intoxicated, feeling more and more bliss and comfort.

      After a time, while I am seated on the floor of the “cave”, a shadowy caveman figure approaches, though he is more like an ancient ape with a manlike essence. He briefly touches me on the shoulder and knee and seems of a positive presence. He is more like a loving spirit or ancient “ghost” and walks on to another part of the cave.

      Soon, a classmate from years ago, Steve J, and at least three others, walks down the hallway into my cave. I tell them about the artifacts and special powder and ask if they would like to improve their minds and bodies with this “healing powder”.



      This dream only serves to validate what I have already known for over twenty years. Somehow, my unconscious mind cannot distinguish between the word “power” and “powder” (which sometimes appears as flour, a play on “flower” and dual distortion of the “flowing of power”). (This is kind of moot as most people who are not fully conscious cannot even correctly recite the alphabet or count to twenty.) Still, my unconscious has seemingly selected a “convenient” physical representation of “power” which is otherwise an abstract concept that could not be efficiently rendered in the dream state anyway, so I am not complaining. Since an affirmation is something heard by the ears, at least this explains why I am slapping the clam shells against my ears, which of course, is a metaphor for hearing an affirmation via headphones.


    6. Being a Paragraph in my Bed

      by , 10-06-2017 at 04:06 PM
      Morning of October 6, 2017. Friday.



      Something has happened to my physical form, but possibly only as I am “sleeping”.

      I think of myself as a paragraph of writing, in the form of a hazy cloud of about four feet long, hovering a few inches above our bed. Being a paragraph incarnate makes me feel somewhat vulnerable. I am aware of Zsuzsanna sleeping om my left, but my viewpoint is curiously from somewhere in the center of our bed at times.

      Other than being only a hazy cluster of “words” hovering a short distance above our bed, there is a perception of having an additional “shell” at times, or some sort of armor, but which comes and goes. There is no viable perception of having a physical body. I vaguely remember an affirmation (“I am of the healing powers of Universal Mind”) but I do not fully grasp or sustain it.

      I turn in my “sleep”. It is like a twisting that “rolls” from “head” to “foot” when I do. It occurs about four times. I am aware that having transformed into the form of a paragraph relates to my illness (food poisoning). I only feel slightly ill in the dream state.

      Before I am fully awake, I start to realize aspects of this abstract dream’s source. It is quite old and it has been years since this memory was more present. Years ago, in an animated version (shown on television a few times) of “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court”, there was a scene where a boy informed the main character that he was a page. The Connecticut Yankee responded by saying something like “A page? You’re no more than a paragraph.” Additionally, having the “armor” around my cloudy form relates to the (King Arthur) knight association with the story. The perceived “suit of armor” is obviously a biological symbol of wishing to be protected from the norovirus. The rest, including “being a paragraph”, is incidental to this association with the Mark Twain story, which I had not thought about for a long time.



      Since early childhood, my non-lucid dreams, other than prescient or precognitive threads, have often resolved themselves in meaning in a form of light hypnopompic thinking (as well as reveal source patterns that created my dream in the first place), which is often carried directly into conscious afterthought (although this process is occasionally “replaced” by a false awakening where I am writing down my dream or talking about it with someone else). In a way, this has always been like having two dreams in succession, the original dream (often surreal or at least unusual and illogical) and the decoding of its meaning while waking or in a different (much lighter) level of unconsciousness. (It was not until I was about seventeen years old that I started to come to terms with the fact that most people were apparently not like this.)


      Categories
      non-lucid
    7. Hovering Tent

      by , 09-29-2017 at 12:03 PM
      Morning of December 20, 2016. Tuesday.



      Zsuzsanna and I are “sleeping” in a tent (in the same orientation as in reality; her on my left) in what is apparently an unfamiliar urban park (though with a vague association with the field that used to be across the street from our present home) early in the morning around sunrise. I become wary of the gaps at the bottoms of the sides of the tent (mostly to my right, near my head) in their offering of less privacy. It is also windy at times. In the final scene, the tent is actually hovering above the ground and directly above us, the bottoms of the sides probably about four feet above the ground. I think a few ropes are still holding it in place. My clueless non-lucid dream self is not standing at any point.



      This is typical RAS (reticular activating system) intrusive waking symbolism, though sustained and with no hypnopompic physical event.



      Key concepts: Zsuzsanna and I sleeping in correct orientation as first level dream state indicator, dream state indicator of indirect association with floating or flying as dictated by natural inner ear dynamics, outdoor area previously a field and now a parking lot in real life as liminal space transition, sustained RAS factor, no personified preconscious, no direct preconscious factor, non-lucid and sustained non-cooperative emergent consciousness, interpretable as waking symbolism only.


    8. Softly the Flood

      by , 09-28-2017 at 08:53 AM
      Morning of September 28, 2017. Thursday.



      I am in a state of semi-lucidity, slowly becoming aware that our bedroom is transmuting into the northeast bedroom of the Loomis Street house (a place I have not been in real life for over twenty years and unlikely to ever be again). I eventually focus upon the essence of sleep, which in the dream state, is symbolized by water and recognized as such (and has been for over fifty years on a day to day basis). Water begins to flow down Loomis Street from the north. It is a flood, but not a threatening flood. I feel very relaxed and peaceful. I vividly feel small splashes of water reaching me through the window screen, which vivifies my level of dream state awareness.

      There is some sort of unusual ambiguous imagery just outside the window. It relates to a child in pajamas holding a teddy bear, but is viewed through the screen as an undersized silhouette. Conscious self identity threads are lessened and I am no longer lucid in any way regardless of the increase in vividness. I have no major concern about flood waters flowing into the house, only that some of my dream journals might become damp.

      I wander off to the west bedroom where my mother (July 14, 1916-October 2, 2002) is sitting on her bed. In this dream, at this point, I have no memory at all of my older sister Marilyn (April 25, 1942-Februay 13, 2014) whose house it mainly was.

      “Someone left the floodgates open,” I tell my mother somewhat absentmindedly (forgetting that it was me who initiated and released this dream’s content and continuity with deliberate water induction and the original focus on release and blissful relaxation). Although it seemed late at night seconds previously, it now seems to be afternoon as I notice daylight through the window of her room. However, the area beyond the backyard and alley is completely different than in reality as there is no shed visible and no residential homes. All that is visible are some commercial buildings in the distance, about two blocks away.

      My mother makes some sort of comment about access to the store being blocked by flood waters, and there is some sort of vague association with the checkout of a store (a common end marker of the dream state for me). Upon having this semi-lucid thought, and remembering more about my present conscious self and the fact that I am married and have children, I slowly fade from the dream state with soft (semi-lucid) intent and a very soft awakening.



      Water, including non-threatening floods as a dream state induction factor, has occurred continuously all my life, long before virtually endless meditation and relaxation recordings utilized the sound of water to bring about relaxation or sleep. I will hear or otherwise perceive water as soon as I enter into a more relaxed state with less emotions present. Water as the primary symbol for sleep (and sleep dynamics in real time) is also analogous to how people spend the first months of their existence sleeping in the waters of the womb. As a result, it is probably my most common dream foundation marker.

      My mother has, in more recent dreams, become more of a dream state end marker loosely associated with my wife Zsuzsanna than more direct associations with her as in the past. This is evidenced by her mainly appearing in the last scene of a dream where she is sitting on her bed (residual recall of having fallen asleep). Although Zsuzsanna appears in many of my dreams (where more of my present conscious self identity remains at least partially intact), the association with her also being a mother has, over time, altered dream state markers in some cases. However, despite Zsuzsanna having been a mother for a number of years, this symbolic transfer and marker integration is fairly recent (probably because she is now nearer my mother’s age when I was born). Being more of an emergent consciousness precursor than a preconscious factor, there is no conflict in such dreams, especially in already subliminally acknowledging this waking mechanism. (My mother was the one who usually woke me up throughout my childhood.)

      Both watching the non-threatening flood waters flow and the silhouette of the boy in pajamas with the teddy bear represent the same thing…sleep, so this is a type of parallel symbolism that my dreams often render. (Someone being in pajamas was far less of an initiation factor even in early childhood, even being a fan of “Little Nemo”, though other dream state indicators such as beds and pillows are quite common.)

      Even though a shadow of a person or a silhouette represents the lesser presence of my conscious self identity, it is slightly puzzling here as viewed through a window screen. This is because focus on a window screen has been validated to relate to some form of transpersonal communication or shared dreaming. Ordinarily, at least in lucid dreams, I sometimes indulge in “shadow play”; that is, I “test” the shadow to verify that it is actually my conscious self identity and it always is, even in a dream where it was very far away and standing on a bridge.


    9. End of the World and Discovering the Sleeper (yet again)

      by , 09-26-2017 at 03:26 PM
      Morning of September 26, 2017. Tuesday.



      My wife Zsuzsanna and our children, mostly as we appear now, are living in a house that is similar to our present home (and in fact implied to be our present home), though has a fictional second storey.

      Eventually, I am aware that the sun is too hot. I mostly become aware of this upon going to the second floor (with Zsuzsanna), which is mainly featureless and resembles the second floor of the Loomis Street house when the apartment was empty, as there is a singular window on one side of the large room and a ceiling sloped on both sides. (I have not been in this house in real life since 1994.) I feel intense heat and realize we need to go back downstairs. I guess the world is ending, but I am not very emotional. I tell our youngest son that we will be burned up, but it does not seem like a bad situation. Still, I want all of our family together for “the end”.

      We go into our oldest son’s room. Our other children are present in the room. Our oldest son does not seem present. Eventually, Zsuzsanna and our youngest son slide out a cardboard storage box from under the bed. Our oldest son is sleeping in it.



      This dream is easily recognized as a mix of factors, dynamics, and inherent dream state symbolism (unrelated to waking life other than as real-time environmental alert dynamics via RAS) that have occurred regularly since early childhood. As a result of having studied and validated up to nine dreams a day, every day, all my life (not even including apex lucidity and long sequences of hypnagogia) there is rarely anything “new” I dream in terms of core symbolism, and yet the individual uniqueness of each still amazes me.

      “Discovering the sleeper” dreams are common (but are not always so literal as here, as even a dream of yesterday, “Hierarchy Artifacts” was basically of this type). This is somewhat related to a type of subliminal lucidity (but not of the type where conscious self identity subliminally creates and controls the dream). In this case, The Sleeper was our oldest son but of course still is a dream state indicator that I am asleep. “Discovering the sleeper” dreams (mainly when as literal as here) are quite different from dreams where the preconscious is more active and dominant and are hardly ever the last dream of a sleeping period. Obviously, this type of dream is not inherently waking symbolism (unless the preconscious becomes active via RAS activity either by environmental noise or internal circadian rhythms), but somewhat the opposite.

      “End of the world” dreams typically have no waking life relevance (and if they did, no one would still be here to know anyway) other than at some levels (including reading too much negative news in the media). In this case however, the sun being too hot and coming to an end was based on environmental factors where it was uncomfortably hot in real life. When I went downstairs from the second floor, after becoming more aware of the ambiance and dynamics of my real environment, this was a form of dream state reinduction.

      Common dreams where there is “something wrong with the sun” usually also more accurately feature current associations with present conscious self identity (and do not typically incur extensive loss of memory of the present conscious self as many other types of dreams). This is evidence for the sun symbolizing the waking self (and current conscious self identity). There is “something wrong with the sun” when the conscious self identity subliminally realizes that it is sleeping, which of course is validated here by actually discovering The Sleeper. My favorite dream of this type was from childhood, “The Day There Was No Sun”. In that dream, I used bottle rockets tied over Highway Seventeen (a highway of which typically symbolizes the cerebral cortex in real time) to bring Earth back into orbit (to deliberately initiate waking). The preconscious in that case was passive and friendly, due to me initiating waking on my own.



      There seems to be a precognitive thread as of October 3rd. Our oldest son was “not in his bed” since he had to spend four days in the hospital from food poisoning. The mood I held in this dream was similar to the actual mood later on in my concern for him. Being in the cardboard box may relate to the pizza having been in a cardboard box in his room.


      Updated 10-13-2017 at 10:07 AM by 1390

      Categories
      non-lucid
    10. Christmas Carols at the Checkout

      by , 09-22-2017 at 12:34 PM
      Morning of September 22, 2017. Friday.



      I am near the front area in a store, which is much like the Woolworths grocery store we presently shop at. I am not sure of the time but it seems to be morning. I am with my wife Zsuzsanna but there are also several unknown people present. A man who looks like Javier Bardem is near one of the aisles adjacent to one end of the store (the left when inside the store).

      There is some intimacy with Zsuzsanna (mainly due to ambiguous associations of the store also somehow being of our present home). Later, another female, unfamiliar, is present. There also seems to be some sort of Christmas mood, as at least one person is talking about Christmas music. I am not sure if the other female is implied to be Javier’s wife (though is not in reality). I loudly and sarcastically sing with a sustained vocal, a line from “Oh Holy Night”, which is “Fall on your knees”, a line a classmate used to be sarcastic about. (This is due to randomly reading about the song “Lola” by The Kinks yesterday, which has the suggestive line, “I got down on my knees”, though I already knew everything about this song.) The female is now sitting on the floor on her knees. I soon have the awareness that it is time to leave the store, yet which is also supposedly now more clearly the bedroom of our present home (and yet it is still Woolworths despite the blankets on the floor). I do not reflect upon this impossibility (I am not viably lucid, so thus I am not aware of the very common lifelong symbolism of a checkout being a dream’s end marker due to it being a common metaphor for “checking out” of the dream state.)

      Javier is packing something into a bag. (I loosely associate it with the bag Santa Claus carries around in popular myth.) It is sitting to the right of the last checkout access inside the store, on the left of the store. I absentmindedly place an unplugged alarm clock into the same bag. (This is an obvious subliminal attempt at reinduction to stop any waking prompt neural energy.) I also notice what I think are a pair of my blue jeans in the bag. I take them out of the bag (though I am not sure if I am wearing anything in my dream as I am not focused on that presently), though leave the unplugged alarm clock in the bag. Javier looks at me with a very annoyed expression. I get the impression that the blue jeans are his, and the clock is mine (though this is not certain).

      “What are you doing?” he says with visible irritation. “It’s time to leave the dream state. Plug that thing back in.” I put the pants back into the bag, but soon wake, while still holding the unplugged alarm clock.



      The checkout of a store has been a common end marker in my dreams since early childhood, yet I (or rather my clueless non-lucid ephemeral dream self identity) almost always forget this dynamic (though even in lucid dreams it is sometimes automatically rendered as such, though not usually in apex lucidity). Plus, even though the preconscious is almost always a different character, I often still do not recognize this very distinct energy and persona even after fifty years. (This is probably a biological safeguard.) Being undressed in public is simply a residual memory of having fallen asleep (as I do not wear clothes to bed).


      Updated 09-23-2017 at 05:12 AM by 1390

      Categories
      non-lucid
    11. Lego World Nautilus

      by , 09-22-2017 at 10:07 AM
      Morning of September 22, 2017. Friday.



      In my dream, we are living in a distorted version of the Loomis Street house (where I have not been since February of 1994 and where Zsuzsanna and our children had never been). However, I have no recall that it was actually my sister Marilyn and her husband (of whom I have no thoughts of at all in my dream) whose house it mainly was.

      In the first part of my dream, I am watching a nautilus on top of the kitchen counter. Rather than this part of the kitchen counter being in the actual kitchen along the west wall, it is along the west wall of the dining room left of the west doorway. I had been sitting at the dining room table. Although the nautilus is otherwise a water denizen (and probably a feature of the very common water induction as dream state initiation), it moves along the counter, seemingly healthy, seemingly breathing the air. I feed it some pieces of cereal and watch it eat. It faces to the left in profile.

      Over time, I realize that the nautilus was part of an aquarium based on Lego block creations. There are an unrealistic number of boxes of Lego kits throughout the living room and dining room. The aquarium with the Lego features in it belongs to our youngest son. In the later scene, after the nautilus had been in the aquarium for several minutes, I notice that it may be dying, as it spews blood and is also bleeding from underneath its shell. I learn that our son had paid $80.00 for the “kit”. However, it does not make much sense as I also learn that the people who sold it want it back - yet $230.00 must be paid for them to have it again (which of course makes no sense at all). However, because the nautilus will soon be dead, the scenario is problematic. I am very annoyed. I am not sure what we will do. The creature is still breathing, but I do not think it will live.

      I become distracted when I notice three men lying on the ground just outside the south area of the house, sleeping. It seems to be late morning. I see them through the bay window. They are parallel to each other but are sleeping in informal clothes. Soon, one wakes and phases through the wall. This makes me annoyed and I jab my Olympic barbell (no weights) into his neck and hold him down on the floor with it. He is standing at one point, but I punch him. He becomes a sheet of notebook paper, which I tear into several pieces.



      This dream, as is usually the case with at least one dream per day, was partly based on something my wife Zsuzsanna had seen that I could not have known about. She had seen a movie yesterday morning (with some of our children) that had Lego in it, and a Lego aquarium as with my dream (and at the beginning of that movie). No one ever mentioned anything about this prior to my dream. This sort of event has been validated to have happened long before I even met Zsuzsanna (when she also appeared in my dreams as my “mystery girl” with the exact appearance and unlikely mixed accent of Romani Hungarian and Australian, as well as actual Persian associations as with some dreams).



      I should probably add another paragraph, as new readers who believe in “dream interpretation” (as the term is commonly used) would not have any understanding of what is going on here. The man I fight with, as always, is my personified preconscious in the projected symbolism of the emergent consciousness. (This is easily validated by the fact that he wakes up and phases through the wall.) This is completely unrelated to real life and is a waking transition function of RAS biology (reticular activating system which controls the dynamics of sleeping and waking and waking symbolism). The aquarium represents the dream state itself. The bleeding nautilus signifies increasing neural energy during the waking transition (and incrementing awareness of having a real physical body), though probably also has personal associations with mortality. The act of feeding the nautilus cereal when it is not in the aquarium represents “being out of the aquarium” (not sleeping) and having breakfast (cereal).


    12. I, Carrie

      by , 09-20-2017 at 08:21 AM
      Morning of September 20, 2017. Wednesday.



      This dream is vivid from start to finish even though I deliberately change my identity twice (by way of subliminal lucidity). Instead of my most common form of dream state initiation (water, which symbolizes the real-time dynamics of sleep), it begins with another very common dream state indicator, that is, “still” being in bed. (The difference of course relates to sleeping in the waters of the womb in the first months of life in contrast to sleeping in bed, though the dream state initiation form may be incidental.) My dream self’s memory is mostly limited to not much beyond the age of twenty.

      The bed turns out to be in a new version of the Loomis Street house. It is in the living room. There is much more space on the north side of the room than there was in reality and there is also a vague association with our Gellibrand Street apartment of years ago (though I do not reflect upon this while in my dream). The bed is in the northeast corner of the room, aligned to the north wall. I am on the left side (which is atypical as I have mostly been on the right side in recent years when sleeping with Zsuzsanna, though this is probably related to subliminal reinduction). My brother-in-law Bob had been sleeping on the right side. My sister Marilyn is alive and as she was in the late 1970s (with no memory of her having died in 2014). She has not yet decided to go to sleep. I am seemingly aware my mother had recently died (though she died in 2002).

      Anita comes in through the front door and asks Marilyn if she had been in the bed sleeping, mentioning “all five people” in the bed (even though I had only been aware of Bob being in the bed). I turn more to my left, very close to the edge of the bed. It seems that Anita had picked up and kept an American quarter that had fallen out of my shirt pocket. More coins fall onto the floor from my left shirt pocket, including at least three American quarters and a few nickels and dimes, but these I retrieve and put in my right pants pocket (as I am apparently wearing blue jeans in bed).

      I then get up and start practicing telekinesis by willing objects to fly into my right hand, mostly cups, empty soda cans, and dishes. “Did you see that?” I keep asking Anita and Marilyn. There is no surprise from them.

      I go outside and it seems to be late morning (even though it had been nighttime seconds before). I fly about six feet above the ground but mostly hover and loudly screech. The unfamiliar neighbor to the south has a few children playing in his yard. I decide to go over, via the alley, and apologize for my behavior, as it may have frightened them. I explain to the man that I am “Carrie’s brother”. For a short time, I puzzle over the timeline possibly being wrong, as Carrie and I are supposedly around the same age and I perceive it may be the late 1980s. I then show him my telekinetic ability. I will small items to fly into my hand from a distance as well as an empty cardboard box that had been put out for the garbage collectors. The other male seems curious but not afraid. “I can lift a house,” I explain, “or a car”. (I have the usual false memory that a house can be lifted into the air and set back down with telekinesis without destroying the foundation, plumbing, or electrical connections.)

      There are many scenes after this where I go into a building and show my telekinetic abilities to several other unfamiliar people, mostly males of about twenty. I continuously will, over and over, mainly cups (though other items as well) to fly into my right hand. I perform such acts at least thirty times as others watch with mild interest. It seems effortless and triggered by softly imagining the feeling of already having it in my hand. I also eventually cause cups to slide across the table away from me (not nearly as common a dream event as willing them to me). The others find it amusing when I do this. For some reason, this seems more important and impressive than drawing objects to me.

      I then decide to be Carrie herself (even though I am not lucid). I am beginning what seems like eighth grade in an unknown school. While sitting at a long table with a few others in a row, I will pencils to fly into my hand from the table in front of us. One unfamiliar boy directly to my left looks at me and the pencils flying from the other table into my hand, but does not react - as if he cannot see or understand the world around him. He looks somewhat arrogant but completely clueless. I reason that, unlike the previous witnesses, many young people have no perception or understanding of the world around them, so unusual or unexplainable events are not perceived as such at all.

      From here, I notice that the top layer of skin has come off around the base of my thumb and partly across the palm. There are clumps of dead skin here and there that I peel off. The flesh underneath is pure white and very soft and smooth. Curiously, I do not notice that my hand is reversed in orientation, that is, when my palm is up, my left thumb is on the right (instead of my left thumb being outward to the left with my palm up as it should be). It is very vivid, with an augmented sense of touch (though no pain) and I never take more notice to this impossible hand orientation despite the clarity.

      In the last scene, I fly around above Sill Street, mostly to the west. (This is a very illogical location and focus for my dreams, as it was of little significance in real life and not seen at all since 1994, and yet has peculiarly become more common over the last few years.) This seems more of the closing credits to a movie. Curiously, instead of music associated with “Carrie” (1976), I hear an altered version of the lyrics and music from “Sybil” (1976 television miniseries). However, these are the same incorrect lyrics I sang in the 1970s, even playing the music on my accordion and electronic organs. I perceive Carrie (Sissy Spacek) as singing them. Instead of “Mirror mirror in my mind”, I always sang “Mirror mirror in my heart” (so much so, the real lyrics now sound “wrong” to me). Instead of “Come as a dream, ribbons of rhymes”, I sang it as “Fashions and swirls, ribbons and curls”.

      Interestingly, Anita’s reference to supposedly five people having been in the bed may have deliberately foreshadowed me playing the two other roles before waking. Coins often relate to coalescence and the level of subliminally perceived neural activity in the dream state. Since early childhood, I have always been aware of very distinct differences between dream self modes, including passively non-lucid, non-lucid but willful, subliminally lucid (being aware of making and controlling the dream though not remembering what a dream is), passive lucidity, willful lucidity, apex lucidity (total and sustained willful conscious creation and automatic linear control of the dream including deliberately symbolic waking transitions based on fifty years of day to day experience where certain long-term forms of conscious thought automatically integrate into unconscious states), and other distinct levels of unconsciousness, including entirely abstract where my existence seems to be as a letter of the alphabet or geometrical form, sometimes with unusual and unique mental rituals, or the repeating of a phrase to “perfectly” assume a physical position prior to waking.


    13. Organization and Device

      by , 09-16-2017 at 03:16 PM
      Morning of September 16, 2017. Saturday.



      My dream atypically starts out in liminal space of the type that is usually an end marker, symbolized by a parking lot (though this is likely from an unremembered consciousness state offset from a previous dream). The main characters other than myself are Ray Romano as on “Everybody Loves Raymond” though his implied wife is Jane Wyatt as from the much older television show “Father Knows Best”. Ray, Jane, their fictional daughter (who seems like a young version of Zsuzsanna, though my dream self does not recognize her as such), and I are in a dark blue pickup truck. I am firstly in the cab but later riding in the back with their daughter.

      An additional recurring dream state indicator (other than the parking lot) is the pickup truck itself (due to the play on “bed”). The first situation relates to an appointment made by the parents (I assume with no choice in the matter), due to a government agency coming to take their daughter to place her in some sort of government-sponsored group home related to specialized foster care. When the other men arrive, parking at a distance from the truck, I take out a small cylindrical rod with a button on one end. I push it and it transforms into a large pistol. I shoot at the car and after the third shot it explodes dramatically, also consuming four or five unoccupied cars near it.

      An unknown man on the opposite side of the truck looks on in a puzzled manner and does not leave the area of his car and stands behind its open driver’s side door. In order to not get found with a gun on me, I press a button on the gun’s handle and it changes back into the small rod.

      From here, I ride in the back with the daughter and tell Ray to drive off down a certain road. Curiously, there are seemingly automatic French doors (not connected to any building) across one part of the road that the truck goes through. I explain to the daughter about her need to grow up in a family environment with her two real parents instead of by the imposed will of government, which often creates cognitive dissonance through half-attained brainwashing. We talk for a long time with reasonable clarity, though I do not recall every detail. I agree with her that while some parents are certainly not suitable to raise children, that does not mean the government should have all children under their observation and indoctrination or to indulge in profiling based on factors like race or cultural background.

      I am aware that I own a very large organization and area of land, but in which people live as they want as long as there is no crime. We arrive there and the family makes plans about their living arrangements.

      Before the three new people move into their new home, I talk about their state of health being confirmed. The daughter says that I am not a doctor. “Yes I am,” I strongly state.

      I press the button on my device and it transforms into an unusual complex machine. I watch parts grow out as a result of nanites. It now mainly resembles an oversized embossing label maker. The girl kneels down and I look at the top of the device as I hold it directly over her head. It has scanned her entire body for any health issues and reports (by print that appears on the surface of the top) that there are no concerns. I have Jane kneel as well and the device reports no issues. Ray seems to have a cholesterol issue, but that will be addressed later.

      I then notice a black male who knows me well and I ask him how his friends and family are doing. Everything seems fine. I go into a large room which also has an ambiguous outdoors area on one side (a commonly recurring dream distortion that is impossible to resolve consciously). There are a few others in the room. One male is supposedly hunting for food. He shoots at a cartoonish figure that runs behind trees to the left. “Was that the Tasmanian Devil?” I ask cheerfully (though it looked more like a bizarre cartoon rabbit wearing track shorts and with human legs).

      I feel some sort of consciousness shift beginning, so I go down a flight of steps to reinduce and vivify the dream state (even though I am not lucid, as this knowledge of dream symbolism is often within my dream self’s awareness even in non-lucidity and I deliberately use it to manipulate the dream state regardless of my dream self not remembering what a dream actually is - though dreams are primarily symbolic of real-time mental processes while sleeping - which most people, including “experts”, bizarrely do not understand at all).

      I find myself in a featureless field (a common dream setting symbolizing higher liminal space and a particular level of consciousness). I decide to fly but not that far above the ground. I fly stomach down and use my arms to gain speed by pushing down against the ground to propel myself forward. I enjoy this more and more. I feel it will make me stronger in the arms while not tiring the rest of my body. I am aware of Leonard S (my pinhead friend from King Street). He is standing near a storefront that comes into view to my left. I am also aware of an older unknown male who I feel may benefit from flying in the way I am as I consider he may need to strengthen his heart muscles in a less stressful way. (He seems about seventy years old.) I continue to fly this way. When I wake, my right hand is pushing down on the mattress though I am only partly on my stomach by way of my left side.

      Updated 09-23-2017 at 09:03 AM by 1390

      Categories
      non-lucid
    14. The Preconscious Spews Four Birds (via RAS)

      by , 09-16-2017 at 10:23 AM
      Morning of September 15, 2017. Friday.



      I am in a library that is not very well-defined and in fact seems to be “blank” on two sides. I am with two unfamiliar people, a younger male and younger female. They seem puzzled about where they are. A door is partly open behind us.

      An unfamiliar older male appears in front of us (though more as if there the whole time). He makes a remark about “holding the door” so that we can leave the dream (though I am not fully lucid). “This is the waking transition,” he says. “Only this and nothing more.” (This is a line from Edgar Allan Poe’s poem “The Raven”.)

      Four miniature birds quickly protrude from between his lips. The little birds are in a two by two arrangement (that is, two rows of two). I recognize the one on the upper left as a miniature blue crowned pigeon. (All four exotic birds are of a different species.) The impression is created that the man’s “tongue” (somehow made of the four birds) is pointing to the door on the opposite side of the room to show us the way out.



      Despite my waking symbolism being of the same basic patterns for over fifty years, it is always quite different in how it is specifically rendered. This dream combines doorway waking symbolism (of the threshold type - meaning threshold of real-time level of consciousness) with return flight waking symbolism.

      Doorway waking symbolism is when RAS designates the potential exit point of the dream state as a doorway. (The reticular activating system or RAS is a set of connected nuclei that is responsible for regulating wakefulness and sleep-wake transition and is behind the formation of waking symbolism as such, often in my case by way of the personified preconscious, which is usually unrelated to real life, other than sometimes triggered by environmental noise or change in perceived light through the veil of sleep, but in my case, often linked to the transpersonal Source with prescience.)

      Return flight waking symbolism (inherent to the dream state itself based on being unconscious - even used as such in comic strips and movies by showing birds flying around someone’s head when knocked out) occurs in over twenty percent of my non-lucid dreams, and has for over fifty years. This is also based on RAS due to the biological dynamics of the inner ear often triggering a falling sensation upon the return to wakeful consciousness. This is automatically unconsciously associated with birds, airplanes, flying under one’s own power, UFOs, and other flight symbols.

      A library typically represents having more of the conscious self identity present within the dream state (due to the growing neural energy required to read and better understand text).


      Tags: birds, doorway
      Categories
      non-lucid
    15. Musical Keyboard Distortions and Distractions

      by , 09-13-2017 at 12:38 PM
      Morning of September 13, 2017. Wednesday.



      The main setting of my dream seems to be a larger variation of our bedroom in the house on Stadcor Street in Brisbane, where we have not lived in years. This seems to be the more dominant awareness of such due to that house’s kitchen being nearby in my dream’s layout and somewhat similar to real life, though there is also a vague association with the southwest Cubitis bedroom.

      In addition to a young version of my wife Zsuzsanna, there are four female “angels” or devoted “dream servants” present, though their behavior is atypical as my dream is non-lucid and they seem like my “protectors” as well (this being a non-lucid subliminal carryover from the nature of apex lucidity and unrelated to my real life). One of them is the (retired) actress Leelee Sobieski, seeming about twenty-five. I eventually become annoyed with her as she seems to have a contrary mindset at one point. I bump into Leelee while I am intimate with Zsuzsanna (while Leelee is facing away from us). This physical contact annoys Leelee and her annoyance annoys me (and makes me suspicious yet not lucid), so I conclude her “devotion” is pretense despite her being a “guardian”. However, any perception of conflict soon fades.

      In a scene in the kitchen, I have an electronic musical keyboard. I am thinking about recording some music for a new track. My mother is now present. (My dream self does not recall that she had died in 2002.) Pressing some of the keys, I see that one of them (seemingly a B key near the center of my keyboard) seems either loose or stuck due to the power cord somehow having been wrapped under the key. My mother tells me that she had done this (though unknowingly causing the problem), which makes me very annoyed as I am not sure if the key can be fixed as it seems broken or at least different in response to the other keys. I still want to play some music.

      I soon notice a tiny hairless creature that I first think is dead. It is lying between the A and B keys near the middle of my keyboard. I feel a sense of disgust in thinking that it may be a small rat fetus. However, over time, it begins to move and then breathe and gasp. “Oh…It’s a dog fetus,” I say aloud to the others present in casual matter-of-fact observation.

      Earl (an older half-brother on my mother’s side) is soon present. (My dream self does not recall that he had died in 2007.) The tiny hairless puppy, not much bigger than my thumb, is making unusual motions with its mouth (reminiscent of the “baby” in the movie “Eraserhead” from 1977). I wonder if it will even live, but I consider that Earl should put it with its mother to suckle. I have a wholly unexplainable false memory that Earl has a small dark gray cairn terrier that is likely its mother. The tiny “puppy” has an unusual brief feature on the top of its head that looks like an angular cap (though without the brim) of the kind a policeman or postman would wear, though it blends in with its head like an actual darker physical feature relating to its minimal fur. I know that my mind is creating this association somehow but it does not trigger lucidity.

      In the last scene, I have a meal with the four “angels”, Zsuzsanna, my mother, and Earl. My keyboard seems unrealistically bigger and oversized, and we seem to be using it as a table. Along with other food, which seems mostly normal to me, I also seem to have eaten much of the puppy except for its head, though the imagery is quite magnified. I feel a bit strange, but then I realize it is not the original puppy, but a “copy” of it, and that the “real” one is with its mother. At this point, my dream becomes more abstract and fades without a direct waking prompt.



      Foundational dream state indicators (no present relevance to real life): Our previous bedroom in Brisbane synthesized with my parents’ bedroom of Cubitis is simply based on concurrent subliminal threads of awareness of having gone to bed and additionally perceiving Zsuzsanna and I as parents.

      There are multiple reasons as to why Leelee Sobieski appeared in this dream, yet all of them unrelated to real-life symbolism and linked directly to the Reticular Activating System and real-time preconscious dynamics of the dream state. Reason number one stems from having briefly and randomly looked at details on IMDb of the 2007 movie “Walk All Over Me”. I only watched the first few minutes (and will watch it later with Zsuzsanna). She plays Alberta and appears as a cashier in the first few minutes, and the preconscious sometimes takes the form of a cashier to symbolize “checking out” of the dream state (as a lifelong recognized RAS function). Reason number two stems from her role in the 1998 movie “Deep Impact”, which has a theme analogous to the cessation of the dream state (“end of the world” association, symbolically unrelated to real life in this case). Reason number three comes from her role as Joan of Arc as associated with “divine voices and visions” and being in the dream state. Reason number four stems from her no longer being in movies as analogous to the waking precursor (“watching movies” as analogous to dreaming, though there may also be a play on “retired” as in going to bed).

      The power cord wrapped under the key is a dream state indicator (unrelated to present waking life) that no pretend “dream interpreter” could possibly have a clue about. Here is why: When I lived in America, I sometimes used to script dreams in real time by using affirmations in a digital sampling keyboard and did in fact, cause a key to stay down with the power cord holding it. In fact, the irony of this plays off of itself. In one real-time scripted vivid dream when I was young, I was distracted in trying to find the real audio source in order to turn it off. I was in a hallway with various doors and could not tell where the real sound was coming from. This is possibly one of the most hilarious failures of critical thinking skills in an otherwise vivid lucid dream.

      The last part of my dream is based on new ideas in my approach to newer music (as symbolized by the puppy needing to develop more). It is also an odd form of coalescence in “feeding off” my dream state (and the dream self coalescing back into consciousness). Also, as in uncountable past dreams, I was vaguely aware that I was consciously creating my dream (even though I was not lucid in any viable way), mostly only vaguely discernible in the scene where my focus on the “dead rat fetus” willed it to change into the living tiny hairless puppy. The focus on it coming to life and breathing relates to both waking up and very mild sleep apnea that is usually not a problem for me. Additionally, there are “end markers” here I do not typically go into detail about in an entry. For example, the B key represents the end of an octave and where there is no black key to the right of it, as a play on coming out of the unconscious state of dreaming, no more liminal space implied by the next white C key after the white B key.


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