lucid

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation – wake/dream visuals/visions

2018-12-11 Biblical surgery and alien eviction leads through death to a search for stronger communication with my stomach, realised through talking to a white horse/camel.

This entry will be written in Danish as I intend to use it in therapy.

Drømmen starter med at jeg ser et opslag på Facebook. Dette er et som Casper Møller har delt og er et billede og en tekst af 1:1 revelations (kan ikke huske navnet) med en mand der ligger på en mellemting mellem en sarkofag og et operationsbord. Det har en meget stærkt tema om Lucifer, hans fald og periodiske genopstandelse før Jesus vender tilbage. Billedet er også en video og jeg klikker på den og en stemme går i gang med at læse teksten op.

Mens teksten læses op suges jeg ind I scenariet. Jeg bliver til en dæmonisk skikkelse, der ligner en klassisk grå alien fra diverse film. Det er mig der opererer på manden der ligger på bordet. Der er en forholdsvis ondskabsfuld stemning, som dog skifter I løbet af forløbet. På en eller anden måde stopper den her alien/jeg op og får ændret situationen og gennemfører ikke operationen. Faktisk kommer en anden alien ind I billedet og ser ud til at glæde sig til at deltage, men den første begynder at slå sig selv I stykker og på grund af et eller andet han har lavet på operationsbordet betyder det at den nye tilkommer også begynder at gå I stykker.

Dette får dem begge til at flygte. De flygter ud af lange og smukke gange, der er rødlige og har et royalt udseende, og mens de flygter ses der billeder af maget muskuløse mænd og kentauere der bliver vækket – på en eller anden måde med fornyet gejst på grund af rumvæsnernes flugt – og jager rumvæsnerne ud.

Scenariet skifter hurtigt til at se paladset udenfor. Det virker til at finde sted på en anden planet, men det er lyst og det ser meget æstetisk og majestætisk ud. Ud fra det sted hvor den lange gang ville være kommer nu et gylden sfærisk fartøj, som er rumvæsnernes. Det beskyder byen under det med nogle gyldne laser stråler, men besvares så rigeligt af byens blå laser stråler og forsvinder til sidst.

Der skippes.

Jeg ligger udenfor ved en svømmepøl, jeg ved blot at jeg ligger og der er en fornemmelse af at ting “stopper”. Dette finder sted et par gange. Vejret er grålig og det virker til at det trækker op til regn, selvom det har en sydlandsk feriestemning over sig. Der sidder fire mennesker foran mig, hvor en af dem er min mor. Muligvis min kusine, min far og en fjerde ubekendt. Min mor fortæller.

“Nåh, han er i gang med hans døds-process” og insinuerer at det bare skal have lov til at fortsætte.

Jeg er meget forvirret hver gang jeg vågner og det er svært helt at beskrive hvad der sker. Min bevidsthed fortætter ligesom og jeg føler mig stadig som mig selv, men det er som om der er noget der stopper og som om at det hele stivner til og jeg falder ind I mig selv.

Da det er ved at være overstået vender min mor sig imod mig og krammer mig, på en kvælende og klam måde, som gør at jeg bliver nødt til at skubbe hende væk. Hun spørger mig: “Du gennemgik din døds-process, det var meget spændende, hvor mange gange døde du?” hvortil jeg svarer “Det ved jeg ikke helt, måske 3-5”.

Da jeg svarer dette er vi nu indenfor I et hotel, med et meget ru gulv med små sten der har en gummiagtig karakter at gå på. Det hele er meget blåligt og jeg siger. “Jeg ved ikke helt hvor jeg er, det er enormt forvirrende det hele, det eneste jeg kan se er at jeg er I et blåt hotel, jeg aner ikke hvorfor eller hvor lang tid vi har været her.” Jeg kan ikke huske om min mor rent faktisk spørger mig om jeg kan huske mit værelsesnummer, men jeg siger I hvert fald “jeg bor på værelse 422”, hvortil min søster og mor griner en smule og en af dem siger: “Nej du bor på værelse 527”.

Jeg føler mig ikke stødt over deres latter, men finder en trappe jeg kan gå op af der kan tage mig til mit værelse. Den første trappe går ikke højt nok op, mens den anden faktisk går højt nok op og også indikerer at mit værelse ligger lige rundt om hjørnet. Problemet er blot at der er en glasplade der fungerer som et bord lige overfor trappen I hjørnet der blokkerer, eller I det mindste gør det enormt besværligt og måske endda lidt farligt, min vej. Endvidere når jeg kigger hen til venstre I retningen af mit værelse kan jeg se at vejen er spæret af en glasdør og bagved dem står der nogle lamper der indikerer at den vej er brugt som et hyggehjørne og vil gøre det hele endnu mere besværligt. Så jeg vælger i stedet at gå ned igen.

Jeg går udenfor og har min madras med som jeg normalt sover på. Den skal børstes af og det går op for mig at der er nogle eller en person(er) der ofte går over den og efterlader en masse sand på den, så den skal rystes. Jeg kan også mærke en smule irritation omkring det, men ved ikke helt hvem det er.

Herefter skifter scenen til at jeg nu ligger på min madras på mit værelse I hovedgård, som det ser ud. Kaiseren – eller I hvert fald en mørk skikkelse med hans energi – kommer ind og giver mig en dåse danskvand. Jeg åbner den og begynder ivrigt at drikke da jeg er super tørstig. Kaiseren siger “Pas på med at drikke for meget, det kan være giftigt”. Jeg drikker – lidt trodsigt – halvdelen af dåsen hurtigt, og sætter den fra mig og siger “Det gør ikke noget det gør ikke noget for mig det her” og kan mærke at jeg stadig er ekstremt tørstig og tør om munden.

Jeg hopper ud af sengen og går ud af en dør og befinder mig nu I en baggård. Der er en have-lignende stemning, det er lidt mørkt og der står en palme I midten af græsset. En ældre kvinde med kort krøllet gråt hår og store runde briller – mens jeg skriver dette kommer en tredje association ind – som minder om min Moster og Kirsten, min terapeut, men også en klient jeg har – Lotte.

Hun siger “Dennis du bliver nødt til at forbinde dig med din mave, den kan nok være lidt svær at komme I kontakt med fordi du putter så meget lort I den.” Jeg svarer: “Jamen det lyder mega fedt, jeg vil vildt gerne I mere kontakt med min mave” og tænker straks på de nylige spændinger, smerter og ukendte emotionelle påvirkninger jeg har oplevet.

Jeg begynder at blive lucid her da jeg begynder at kalde “Mave! Mave!” hvor den kvindelige figur stopper op og siger: “Du skal følge vinden, hvis du vil finde hvad du søger”. Hun får implicit fortalt at jeg blot skal finde den retning hvor der er direkte modvind hvis jeg vil etablere kontakt til min mave igen.

Jeg er vildt begejstret for dette trick og kan mærke at jeg kan bruge det I fremtidige drømme også. Jeg drejer mig rundt – imod uret – og finder ud af at der hvor vinden blæser mig lige I fjæset er der en lille sti imellem to bygninger der leder ud til vejen. Jeg begynder at gå derhen og ser en strandpromenade, som minder om den jeg har været på så mange gange I Thailand, og mens jeg går råber jeg “Mave!” gentagen.

Jeg ser en Raptor gå forbi udenfor og bliver en smule skeptisk. Jeg snupper en kort pause og fortsætter så. Nu kommer jeg ud og kan se ned på vejen – jer er pludselig I et hotelværelse – og der går en masse spændende mennesker, dyr og andre objekter jeg kunne interagere med dernede.

Jeg råber igen “Mave!” og ser til venstre, hvor der går en T-Rex, som jeg jo har historie med, og træder et skridt tilbage. Jeg står nu I et relativt lille og mørkt hotelværelse, foran vinduet der er firkantet og med klart sol lys skinnende igennem. Jeg beslutter mig for at hvis det er T-Rexen jeg skal snakke med for at komme I kontakt med min mave, så må det være sådan det er u-anset hvor bange jeg måtte være for det.

Så jeg træder ud på taget og ser pludselig at der er længere ned end jeg havde regnet med. Jeg bliver lidt bange for bare at hoppe ud I det, så sætter mig ned I lotus stilling indtil jeg begynder at svæve ned. Jeg kan mærke på vej derned at der er lidt meget fart på, det er nok til at hjertet lige slår et ekstra slag uden jeg er bange for at slå mig. Dog fornemmer jeg at jeg har mistet overblikket så meget at den vej jeg gerne ville ned på med de mange dyr og mennesker ikke vil være der, fordi jeg har mistet mit fokus. Jeg tænker dog også at det ikke vil gøre noget.

Da jeg endelig lander ser jeg at den vej jeg var på er væk. Den jeg står på er mindre befærdet og det er pludselig blevet nat, men det er faktisk stadig den samme strandpromenade. Jeg tænker at de nok skal gå og råber igen “Mave!” og spinner mellem 270 og 360 grader rundt om mig selv imod urets retning.

Her ser jeg en stor hvid hingst komme løbende og mens jeg råber “Mave!” begynder den at ride hen imod mig. Jeg spørger den om den er min mave og I det jeg gør det bliver den til en hvid kamel, med tre pukler, hvor den forreste af de 3 er delt I 2, selvom det ser sundt og raskt ud, som om den egentlig blot bærer en genetisk mutation der giver den denne tredje to-delte pukkel.

Den svarer at den er min mave og jeg knæler for den, hvilket den svarer med at lægge dens venstre hov på mit tredje øje. Derefter skifter den til at blive en venlig og varm 44-årig mand, med kort gråt hår. Jeg spørger “Hvad skal jeg gøre for at komme I bedre kontakt med dig” og han svarer “Din mormor kom til at trykke en lille knogle I stykker hernede (inde I højre hofteskål, hvor psoas løber) da du var 3 år gammel, det var ikke med vilje, men det kan man også se på billeder.” Der er en implicit besked der handler om at denne skade/traume ikke har været kendt og at noget kropsterapi kan have forværret det, men også at der ligger noget derfra der stadig rumsterer. Jeg svarer “Ah, jamen jeg har jo også fået scannet indersiden af mine hofter, så der vil man kunne se det?” han svarer “Jaaa, jooo.” med en tudelig intonering om at det ikke er helt rigtigt, men at det heller ikke er helt ved siden af.

Drømmen Ender og jeg vågner med en meget rolig, afslappet og rar fornemmelse I kroppen. Det var tidligt, men jeg stod op og fik mediteret med min mave som fokus, fik lavet yoga, danset og TRE og fik mig noget morgenmad og følte mig godt tilpas.

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation – wake/dream visuals/visions

I have recently taken up using the voice recorder for recording dreams, but in preparation for the upcoming dream workshop I will be running I will start using manual entry again. I need to get quick, to the point and sharp in sharing dream content with others, so I can be a leading example for the people I coach.

Now before I start out with writing the dreams of the previous 3 nights, which I have bullet pointed on paper there is a couple of highly significant dream I want to write up. These all pertain to the significance of the Dinosaurs, particulary the T-Rex, in my dreams, as these have heralded some pretty significant developments over the past year. In fact just sitting down listening to some of the files have sent goosebumps through my body at some of the symbolisms and messages contained in these dreams.

The first occurred during the summer of 2016, I was in full swing with writing my thesis and I had seen a blossoming of my use of cannabis, cigarettes and other kinds of addiction. As such I had started working directly with my dreams with regards exploring the reason for my smoking, or addiction in general.

I had noticed that recently a T-Rex had started appearing as a repeating theme in my dreams. Like for instance I saw him in a hotel roof top pool on 01-08-16, where I hid in a pool with a friend trying to avoid being caught – where I speculate that he is connected with investigation of smoking. Or on 08-08-16 I found myself in a dinosaur park, a la Jurassic Park, with a hole in the fence, where the T-Rex was on the inside, but I end up getting caught by a raptor and eaten just outside the park in a broken car, where I was trying to hide out. And such I started setting intentions for my next lucid dream to investigate what this symbol of the T-Rex could represent.

I don't have a record of this lucid dream where I manage to summon the T-Rex, but it occurred within a couple of weeks following the setting of the intention to investigate, before 01-09-2016, when I moved out of the place I was living and back in with my parents.

I recall being awake in the morning, to then go back to sleep with the intention to summon the T-Rex.

“Summoning the T-Rex”

I am sat in our living room. It is forenoon and I am texting M – a primary school class mate, whom I have always maintained a slight crush on. We are talking about a party and I feel I am somewhat intruding, but she end up inviting me around.

Then all of a sudden a text message rolls in from the phone company, which reads something like “We are all one, you no longer need to put in the number or contact of the person you are trying to reach it will happen automatically.” This stumbles me a bit, but I don't think much further of it.

There is a slight skip.

I find myself in a bus headed out from Aarhus towards Hornslet. I speculate on the nature of “oneness” and start feeling my consciousness drift outwards, though not quite becoming one. At one point a bus pass in the opposite direction and a choir of children are singing a song, with the lyrics “we are all one” included.

The bus drives off the high way and I find myself walking on the road below, heading under the bridge with the highway on top.

I am with my old friend Tim and we are walking together. I look up and I see a hawk sitting in mid air, which I find curious as its wings are placed alongside its body. It basically looks like it is sitting on a stick, though there is no stick there to be sat on.

Then it makes a rapid dive and hits the ground beak first right next to me, which startles me quite a lot.

We walk on, towards the bridge, past a couple of bushes on the side of the road that have purple flowers on them. As we walk a couple of smaller birds come flying straight towards my face, so I have to step quickly to the left to avoid being hit.

I start thinking to myself: “This is truly strange behaviour for birds.” and as we approach the bridge finally I see a crow sitting in one of the bushes by the side. I start looking around and I decide to look at my hands.

I become lucid and I spend a few moments stabilising the dream, and when I feel comfortable I start thinking about my goals.

“Ah the T-Rex!” I say out loud and abandon my friend to go look for him. I turn around, away from the bridge in the opposite direction and start screaming out over the fields “T-Rex, Where Are You??” but I don't get a response.

I find myself next to a crash barrier, again screaming out over the fields for the T-Rex. Then I start feeling fear, although I am also aware of it all being only a dream. So I skip back across the road and climb a small elderflower tree.

I shout for the dino to appear again and this time I get a response, though from a group of children behind the bushes of which the tree I have climbed is a part. They say “We tried calling him, he doesn't want to show up.”.

I then try to scream out for him, mimicking his roar. The Children respond in a laughing way “We tried that as well, it won't help.”

I sit for a brief second before the dream starts fading and I “wake up”.

I find myself in my room and walk out towards the living room. Outside I see a lot of plants and it is raining.

“Hang on a minute it wasn't raining when I was awake earlier” I think to myself and realise I am still dreaming.

I turn around and walk back into my room and stare at my computer screen.

I turn around, while still being within the realms of the computer game that was on the screen and look up. I find a long and narrow dirt pathway, surrounded by a fence on the right hand side and bushes on the left.

Up at the entrance – or T-cross – I see the T-Rex come sprinting around from the right hand side. I get anxious and excited as I start running towards him. It seems like the dino knows we only have a limited amount of time to complete the encounter.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN??” I scream at him as we run towards one another. There is no response, and I feel my fear rising as we continue to sprint towards one another. “WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME??” I try instead and just as we are right in front of one another and I am staring into his wide open jaws he transforms.

All of a sudden a ghost appears before me, with the limbs of the dino sprawling out behind the spectre hanging a few metres above the ground.

“Michela!?!?” I exclaim in utter surprise.

I wake up.

Michela represents a previous romantic affiliation gone sour, very sour indeed. Both in terms of the pain I felt when she left, but also because of the stressful situation I was facing with quitting my job. I awoke with a multitude of new angles to investigate my addiction to cigarettes from, which included the shame and loss of pride I felt from loosing her – the shame associated with not being able to attract a woman and keep her faithful, more so than actually loosing her being particularly painful.

A couple of months later I started on a spiritual education and at the time I was still smoking cigarettes. I started a practice of smoking without guilt and I recall arriving at the first module having spent 6 hours without smoking. I felt the physiological cravings, but I didn't feel the desire to smoke, which I found facinating.

I continued to the first module and when we arrived in the first opening sharing circle and were briefed that we would be opening up, diving into intimacy, then it hit me. I was now experiencing full on craving and desire at the same time as I was experiencing fear towards intimacy at the same time as it was the only thing I truly desired. And from this experience I recalled another meaning associated with Michela.

The next dream took place I think in the beginning of April, the first time F and I slept in the same bed, and seeing as we kissed the first time on April 3rd I believe the accurate date is 14-04-17 as this is 2 weeks after the date of our first kiss.

“Dino makes a gesture”

I find myself alone in a small and humble cabin. It is bright morning/forenoon and the sun is shining through the windows. The cabin is located in a large garden that is surrounded by tall walls in a rectangular fashion, with the cabin taking central space.

Suddenly outside I hear/feel the T-Rex approaching, and this time I recognise his presence. There seems to be a telepathic or at least non-verbal acceptance of one another, a kind of respect with a hint of fear, but this time from both parties.

I venture out of the house to see what is going on. There is a clothes line with clothing on it immediately next to the house.

I never actually see the T-Rex, but I find that after he has been circling the house he has left me a circular meditation mat against the clothing line.

End of dream.

I wake up feeling excited. I have just slept next to a woman I am madly in love with and I find that I for the first time actually like sleeping up close to her.

I experience a brief feeling of alarm, but I quickly re-frame the story positively as I tell F about the dream.

Now I acknowledge that interpreting dreams in hindsight is easier than trying to gleam out the prospective material from the time of their occurrence. However this dream theme I believe heralded a powerful spiritual lesson.

The first appearances of the T-Rex motif happened just after a relationship had developed from an intimate/romantic nature to a friendly one. In this relationship I discovered a tendency to become extremely preoccupied with me feeling responsible for the emotional state of the other. This responsibility was coupled with an elevated sense of anxiety for loosing her. However the appearance of Dinosaurs happened before.

A funny thing is that the following entry- which took place pretty much immediately after my fling (Karen) and I had started getting romantic - 08-04-16 Surviving the Ocean Quest in the desert - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views Actually occurred simultaneously with my then fling having a reciprocal dream, of being taken to the desert by frightening shadow figures that gave her the mission to gather all the animals for the ship. Now I am aware this synchronisation makes more sense to me on a subjective level – we had been practising trying to dream share, and a lot of themes in the dreams were in line with what was happening in our waking lives – however even if this is disregarded this is the first appearance of the “Dino theme”.

Specifically the purple dinos shooting an assortment of weaponry at my heart – which I at the time interpreted as a symbol of having my heart broken a couple of times in order to finally open up – seems to indeed have been at play, though increasing in complexity and meaning over the past year. Let me illustrate a bit further.

When the T-Rex and the Raptors start making their appearance, as I mentioned the relationship had moved in a friendly direction, which I told her I was OK with, but I was quietly mourning the loss I felt.

During this time as mentioned I had started seeing a rise in my consumption of cigarettes and cannabis. I felt stressed with my thesis and on top of this stress I was overwhelmed by the insights into myself and my shifting perspectives of the world through my world with Ayahuasca, and as such I sought to slow it all down a bit though the use of cigarettes and cannabis.

The Dino dreams appeared in between spouts of regular cannabis use, as I had a somewhat ambivalent relationship to this medicinal plant. On the one hand I was grateful for the visionary aspects and emotional teachings, at the other I was aware that it was stealing my dreams – although this latter aspect was sometimes a welcome aspect when I felt things were moving too quickly.

When I decided to summon the T-Rex I thought it was somehow related to my addictions, and it turned out accurate. However the transformation from T-Rex into my ex-fling added a twist I hadn't seen coming, which was the connection between addiction and love-relational issues.

From the first observation of my feeling responsible for the emotions of a lover, I immediately suspected that I was dealing with a pattern established in early childhood. Due to my parents' difficult relation my mother was always stressed and frequently displayed intense outbursts of anger. I particularly recall an episode – think I might have been 3-4 years old – where my sister and I were sat in our room on the floor and Mother comes down. She gets angry about the mess, picks up a play guitar and throws it across the room hitting my sister in the head, resulting in a hospital visit and a scar on her face. This and other incidents I hypothesise fostered the self-concept that “mother's emotions are dangerous, and I am responsible”.

Following the dream as I mentioned earlier I saw a striking connection between the fear of intimacy and my addictions, and around the same time I had another T-Rex dream, though he played a smaller part in this (as he transformed into a dragon and cleansed an entire island and evolutionary history through a fire bath). This dream heralded the cleansing phase I have gone through roughly the past year of getting acquainted with my relational fears, addressing them and letting go of old self images that no longer serve me.

During November of 2017 I had an Ayahuasca ceremony specifically directed towards examining my addictive behaviours. The themes that emerged were memories of my mother being very harsh on me playing as a boy – that she didn't have the energy required to play with me. As such I was forced to put a lid on my playful energy, which in adolescence transforms into sexual energy, resulting in great shame about my own emotional and sexual nature. Ayahuasca provided a definition of my addiction as “the behaviour that arise as a result of wanting to escape the constant narrative of self-loathing and self-blame”. The self-blame I have already discussed, the self-loathing is partly directed at the feeling that sexual and playful aspects of me are “wrong”.

I would later be presented with my dad's contribution towards the ease with which I accepted the “I am wrong” self-concept, though that will be a different story, though basically it has to do with him (a) raising me through commands; (b) never complimenting me on anything; (c) always questioning whether or not I had performed a certain task; (d) being critical on anything that deviates from the norms he deems liveable.

Let me quickly add that I love and adore both of my parents, who supports me like rocks in their own respective ways. A deep realisation on this spiritual path has been that most of the times our behaviour arise out of conditioned responses we are not to be blamed for. My parents did the best with what they had available, it isn't a question of them not loving me.

In February 2017 I met F. There was a striking explosion of energy running through my body at our first embrace and as I mentioned she is the first woman I have slept next to – we have never had physical sex – that I felt not only comfortable sleeping against, but good.

We started out helping one another with the processes of Ayahuasca, but after about a month it became clear that there was a deeper connection. It turned romantic and sensual, but a series of complications eventually led to this romantic aspect destabilising.

The T-Rex dream where he presents a meditation pillow I hypothesise – according to the Jungian notion that dreams can have a prospective, future development directed meaning – was a way for me to truly observe the nature of my relational problems.

During our romantic affiliation I started feeling insecure, as she was still entangled with her boyfriend. She had stated that she wanted him out of the house and leaving him, as well as not feeling comfortable with his touch and being intimate with him. This in my mind made him an Ex-Boyfriend and I believed that this was the path she wanted to go down, however it quickly changed into something else where it became obvious that he would be spending a significant amount of time with her, sleeping in the same bed as her.

I felt like she was manipulating me, using me to instigate changes in him so he could become a better boyfriend to her. I was confused about her pulling back when our kissing, cuddling and petting got intense resulting in us never having anything but clothes-on-energetic sex (which however was a very powerful and potent experience for both of us I believe).

Following a week at her parents I was headed to the aforementioned education during a weekend, she slept with her boyfriend. There were quasi-valid reasons for her doing so, but I felt betrayed as we had in my mind agreed to a monogamous structure, although I had been open towards a more open constellation. I ended up forgiving her, with a few demands as to how our future relation – and the one she had towards her boyfriend – should look like. Demands initially met, but quickly broken.

This started the hell ride into jealousy, romantic ideation, mistrust and pain. I went into it with full consciousness and journalled about it vigorously. I saw how I didn't have energy to do anything but wait around hopefully for a message, constructing fantasies about her activities when she didn't contact me etc.

The point is not to arrive at a blame game, I have come to realise it takes two to tango and I have been overly focused on my own workings in this process, but this has been a profitable approach – as it is indeed the only thing I can ever change.

What I saw was that F quickly became my entire world. I felt love, and I felt terrified to loose it. She became an object I perceived would be able to fulfil my deepest yearning, to feel loved and appreciated – and I clung to her, constantly trying to get the relationship defined in ways that would guarantee the safety that she would be there to fulfil my needs. I became obsessed with having sex with her, I felt that it would make up for the shameful aspect of her having cheated on me. I saw how I was feeling the familiar feeling of anxiety of her leaving me as this “is the last chance for love” and similarly that she would move onto someone else the minute someone better came around – which would be pretty quick. These last observations illuminate a self-concept totally deprived of feelings of self-worth or feeling of being worthy of love an appreciation by another human being. I saw how I through expending all my energy on worrying about her behaviour, waiting for messages became fatigued and tired and couldn't keep up work on my own projects, which I abandoned.

There is much more information to the story, but I eventually arrived at a point where we had a conversation. In this she informed me of three key things that made me realise I had to quit the contact. She felt guilty towards her (ex)-boyfriend when she was with me, that she didn't really want him to understand that it was over and she couldn't promise she was never going to want to be with him again.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done, I was in so much pain and missed her like crazy. Following this quitting of contact I started working with the last of my addictions – which is sort of a tricky one – which is the tendency to intellectualise situations arriving at a conceptual understanding of things which put me in a positive lighting. Self-centered and also grounded in placing value in the opinions of others.

Gradually as these addictions fell away I was confronted with my underlying anxiety. I never knew myself to be a person experiencing anxiety, but that was what the addictions were for I suppose. I spent a few months experiencing extreme states of panic, which included a fear of dying, a fear of being abandoned at a future dimensional shift, as well as being rejected and abandoned in a romantic sense. It took a lot of breathing and being with the fear and panic and I was incapable of performing even the slightest actions that dealt with finding jobs, new residence or worldly matters in general.

Things got better, I still experience fear and anxiety, but when I do now I don't panic and try to get rid of it, rather I breathe into it and try and understand what it is trying to tell me and it seems a lot of things are shifting within.

I am back in contact with F, I love her, love the contact and am trying to manage my romantic inclinations towards her consciously, which at present involves awareness of how desire towards a particular outcome with her (ending up n a romantic relation) can result in suffering through envy and jealousy.

To come full circle back to the dreaming the present story illustrates the process by which working actively with intention, lucidity and analytical interpretation of certain dream themes that crop up repeatedly can help bring visibility to the sub conscious processes that govern our behaviour. I went through the process alone, yet I feel that had I not been so stubborn and approached someone with knowledge in these areas I could have progressed much quicker, perhaps even saving an intimate relationship in the process.

05/07/2015

non-lucid - Notes - lucid

“Consulting on the Nuclear Power plant – picking up my new car – TotM”

I am sat in a meeting with my new work-group, or rather I am sat with them and I am suspecting we have a meeting sometime shortly. It is at the beginning of the day and I am just hovering around really, I have other places I need to be in connection with my other project – which concerns youth and alcohol use (which is an actual IRL project I am working on) . However I have a feeling that I need to stick around for a bit as if I am expected to stay there.

Eventually the leader of the project comes around, she is a darkish haired short woman, who is pretty and American or English I believe. I tell her that I am excited to be connected with the project (though I frequently experience a sense of weirdness for participating in a project for constructing a nuclear power plant, which is never really fully conscious and I don't verbalise it) . She smiles at me and asks if I know how to handle Sheila (a IRL colleague of mine, who is apparently also on this project) . At this point we are walking outside the office in a courtyard of grey concrete in the early hours of the day, there is a lot of columns around forming small walkways – it reminds me of the style of construction associated with my old primary school. As she is asking about Sheila we sort of move into the office, without really moving, but rather being moved, or the building starts encompassing us.

Inside I see Maria has appeared (an old colleague from my time in England) who is also on the project. She is saying that she is excited to be on a project where “patriarchalism” (the meaning is feminism/social constructionism in the dream) is employed and that she sees that rarely. I replay “oh really? - I haven't been on anything else but these approaches, maybe it is because people preparing to become clinicians never really take this road?” She concurs a bit and throw me a smile, showing a lot of gingiva and then looks away towards either Caidee or the project leader.

While she does this I get a lot of spreadsheets appearing in front of my eyes. They are interview questions and are getting closed down one by one. The first being closed is the most recent and contains a lot of questions and the more that gets closed down the more questions disappear. I can't really see the questions, but there is a picture of a black female student in the top right hand corner and I see her name is Caidee. I instantaneously know that she is a student helper and she has been involved with constructing the interview guide from the start.

When these spreadsheets are all closed down we are starting to sit down by the table. I am getting anxious at this point because I think we are getting ready for the meeting and I thought the meeting wouldn't be till this afternoon. I take off my trousers under the table and look down at my blueish boxer shorts. I am briefly aware of the embarrassing nature of showing legs and start looking for my sweat pants – I don't know if I ever find them, but I start wearing them regardless – I then look under the table and see my red shorts lying under there. I am surprised as I don't remember wearing these, but I pick them up nonetheless and stand up and look at the table. I see now that Sheila has appeared so I go and sit next to her. I don't know if I will be able to persuade her in anyway or get to know her position in the project as the leader has told me about – in fact I am not even sure what I am supposed to do, but I sit down anyway.

I ask about whether we have a meeting already now and I am told that we do indeed and that it is a weekly thing as well. I mull this over a bit until from behind me Christina appears (Old school/class mate) and tell me that she has received the keys from Saab and that they will be here with my car shortly. It surprise me a little seeing as I am not yet in a financially stable position and I don't know why I have already bought a car, but I think little else of it as it was part of the plan. So I grab the keys, which is a massive bundle, with a couple of car keys and 8-10 other keys and I wonder why there are so many.

I start walking down the hallway towards the entrance and Bjarne (Old friend from childhood/adolescence) and Rasmus (Old school/class mate) appear along the way and talk to me, I can't recall exactly what they say, but it seems taunting or mocking. I get to the end of the hall and enter the lift I notice the button (yes there is only one and that isn't weird! ) is slightly broken, but I press it anyway and I soon find myself outside in the school car park, that is vast and fenced in with wire mesh – and seems more like a car park belonging to a large shopping centre than a school and there is a lot of traffic.

I stand around looking at the cars driving in. There seems to be a lot of black mega trucks or hummers and I know that this probably isn't mine. I can't remember which kind of car I bought, though when a couple of silver grey smaller station cars and smart type cars start entering I get a feeling that my car is definitely silver grey, though I am still unsure about the type, but having a feeling that it isn't one of the completely little ones. A couple of grey cars enter the car park and turn towards me and park. After this a massive black hummer truck pulls in (which I think look a bit weird, but after googling “hummer truck” this morning I found a picture that looks exactly like the one)

hummer truck Photo #06

I start getting bored so I decide to jump on the bonnet of the cars parked making a neat little run/jumping course – and I am thoroughly satisfied with the sounds and feel of pressing down the metal as I jump. I start out with just common SUVs but I eventually land on a Porsche – which for some reason is covered in a fine layer of snow – and the car following that just before the massive hummer truck as a black Lamborghini, which stops me in my tracks as it is so low that I can't possibly get up on the truck – also I am quite surprised to see 2 such expensive cars parked next to each other as Denmark isn't a cheap place to buy a car.

I move around and jump maybe 3-4 cars more before I think to myself “This is something I would do if I were dreaming”. So I look up and it all seems pretty normal, but I decide to do a reality check nonetheless. So I move my hands slightly to the sides and let myself hover above the rooftops of the cars.

Realising I am lucid I start taking to the skys, which is a habitual thought and I quickly realise that I have more important stuff to do than goof around. So I let myself drop out of flight and land on the ground again and when I do I find myself on the side walk outside the wire mesh.

I start walking up the side walk and start looking at my hands. The first basic task is my mission and I have already planned how this one is to unfold. I am somewhat excited though as I have never actually made something appear before my eyes. But I recall the visualisation of making a seed of light appear in my hand – a seed of love and light which I intend to plant in my chest and watch how it grows inside my body – while watching my hands (It is fascinating to think that within the dream world a mental visualisation appears phenomenologically similar to how it would in the waking world, as a sort of translucent image appearing in a distinct mental space – which one could easily hypothesise being occupied by running the “world simulation” that is the dream) To start out with not much is happening in my palm which is outstretched palms towards the sky. I see my fingers in a somewhat illuminated light and start focusing. Eventually I see a bright, but tiny dot of light in the middle of my palm and as I am watching it, it grows to the size of a water drop that is perfectly spherical. As I look at it it continues to grow and spikes and sparks start appearing around it leaving a distinct burning sensation in my hand as tiny specks of fire and ice are bombarding the surface of my skin.

Soon a gust of wind appears and rips the seed from my hands and I panic and jumps after it. It lands in a corner where there is some grass, but I manage to find it rather quickly. I then go all the way into the corner to avoid getting disturbed by the wind again. I take a look at the seed, my hand still being illuminated by light that reminds me of dawn. There is no pain any longer and I think of the seed representing compassion and love, as I press it into my chest. I don't feel it entering and nothing abrupt happens. I turn my focus and visual capacity towards the inside of my body and I get a view of the inside of my shoulder, but not much more, and the bright lines of light I expected aren't really there. What is worse is as I am focusing my attention like this I sense the dream world destabilising – so I start focusing outwards. At this point the dream is gone, but I am armed with patience – I have experienced this before, I maintain my focus directed outwards – although I am also aware that it would be irritating only starting half of the TotM task and not see it to fruition (literally . (In previous dreams over the years experiencing this sensation would normally have led me to feeling disappointed and accepting the disappearance of the dream. However in one of the first lucid experiences since Ayahuasca the same thing happened – the visuals faded and I was left with nothing but internal and auditory stimuli – but here I just decided to wait instead of waking up and soon after I was pulled back into the dream world, albeit in a different spot than when I left)

I get flashes of a white rugged wall, it is plastered and I reach out to touch it and I sense it with my fingertips, but only very briefly. I start sensing the light of dawn characteristic of the dream world I was just in and I feel myself pulled back in. SWEET! I am back on the side walk and I decide to not focus more on the seed, I had already thought about the fact that it might take longer to grow than within a single dream – planting compassion and love in my own heart will still be an interesting theme to watch unfold over time.

So I start walking up the side walk to find a tree. I am however conscious that I would prefer finding a tree surrounded by nature, but looking around and having no experience with teleportation or portals I think I will have to settle for one of the trees by the side of the road.

I find a tree not far away, it is a very short tree and the trunk of it is very strange in that it narrows a lot towards the top, almost needle shaped. I place my hand on the tree and it feels chilly, not cold to the touch and I can feel the texture of the bark against my fingers, very authentic. I notice a curved line heading diagonally up from bottom left to top right on a point on the trunk. There is some dark green slime around the line and I wonder if the tree is forming a mouth. The slime should look unpleasant, but it doesn't – in fact it seems rather natural. I look away and at the tree again and the line has widened, though also thinned out a bit. The point is the changes to the line isn't gradual but jolty.

I think I look at the tree a couple of times more watching the line change, but it still isn't speaking to me and as I am about to give up hope and look away I hear a deep bassy rumble emanating from the tree.

“You cannot, help me – even with your flatter and good intentions.”
Astonished I turn around and face it.
“but I can help you” it says.
“How?” I ask as respectfully as I can muster, which isn't difficult as I feel very humble even towards this young tree standing amidst the concrete.
“We trees see things humans aren't equipped to see” it continues.
“Amongst our roots we keep closed the gates of hell”
“Humans aren't prepared to see this – they would freak out – but we trees have watched this for ever.”
(I have taken some artistic liberties with the sentences, for which I don't recall all of them exactly, though they were perfectly linguistic, which excited me – though the meaning of the words is represented exactly as they should be. I felt it more important to convey the intelligence, wisdom and almost all encompassing and physical presence of the tree's intentions directed at me)

I thank the tree and wonder exactly how that is a help to me, not negating it – the message felt important to me, but I think I might not be able to fully grasp it yet. (upon awakening I got the feeling that the tree was trying to help me with one of the TotY – visiting the underworld, though I am unsure if there isn't a deeper more personal/spiritual message enclosed within as well). I take off into flight thinking I have done enough tasks for now, wanting to relax a little – after briefly considering doing the painting task, but giving up cause I don't feel like finding a painting at this point. However I then again think I might not have completed the basic seed task as I haven't seen anything grow yet – I quickly glance inside my body again, but don't really see anything – more a sort of translucent view of my shoulder again. And look outwards. The skies are tuning dark and I land on a rooftop covered with old roof platings. There is a lot of moss growing on the platings and I think it might be a good idea to conjure up more of aforementioned seeds so I start doing that.

The seeds seem more vigorous and self determined than before and start flying out of my hand spinning, when they have reached an appropriate size. I still feel the burns of the sparks and ice shards. One of the seeds actually jump up the slope of the roof and enter a crack between one of the platings under a ventilation hood.

I stop producing seeds and just look at the crack and wonder if there is enough soil and nutrients for the seed to grow. After a little while slowly a thin rolled up green leaf appears from under the crack and as I continue to observe the growth I see a sort of elongated cabbage shape take form along with branches with leaves growing out of the new little plant. It also starts forming a flower and end up looking like a mixture between an orchid and a cabbage. As I watch this unfold the dream starts fading and I wake up.

11-10-11 Was a bit hyped, so did my best to cool down a bit while going to sleep, which meant not a lot of focus on goals. After the first couple of dreams I decided to go free running, though it didn't happen.

“Designing Games – City in the skies”

I am setting up a computer game, and I somehow have a sunny background on a road called Tendrupvej in the town I grew up in. The background to the game is blue for now, and the intention is for my friends to join up with in this game. The primary focus I have for now though is to turn it into 3D and make it into full screen.

The game is a simple mix between shooting above blocks away while avoiding the shots fired against you. The main difference to classical “shooting blocks away above you while the blocks are shooting at you” games is that the shots are fired from the side and the game itself is progressing to the right in a linear fashion. I keep resetting it to get my friends to join and get it all rolling.

Skip?

I am getting a mental image of a futuristic city in the light of sunset with quite a fair amount of clods in the background. Furthermore the buildings themselves are emitting quite the amount of light. I get the feeling that there are three main roads leading in and out of the city from and to the centre, in the shape of peace sign.



Pretty much like this, though without the river and the mentioned roads leading into the centre where the tall building stands and most of the building emiting more light. Otherwise pretty much exactly like this the natural light looking very much like this picture.

This image is presented just after having discussed setting up the game on the point of what to allow people access to and what not.
…...................

“A perceptual moment”

(Short dream with a lot of detail, not that interesting)

I am lying in my bed and there is a television in the upper left corner of my visual field. In this television there is a presenter wearing a tie. I pull the television towards the center of my vision wanting it to encompass my entire perceptual field. However the picture disappears and then something strange happens.

I get this really warm feeling in my entire body accompanied by some slight pressure. The feeling is really nice and I am thinking to myself that it is probably some effects of sleep paralysis. This feeling keeps intensifying up until the point when I feel like I can leave. So I sit up while noticing that I am leaving my physical body behind.

I am thinking to myself that this reminds me more of an AP (Though admittedly I have no experiential basis for thinking this) than a WILD and I have more confidence in my abilities than normal and I start crawling my way out of my body. To my surprise I am able to fully leave my body behind.

“Holy shit! I haven't ever done this!” I think to myself, at least not while being conscious about it being a dream. My dream body is really heavy and I have to sort of drag myself across the floor. I am in my room (obviously) and it is really dark. I notice that where the TV normally is there is a smoke alarm. Furthermore there is quite the amount of blue light intermingling with the natural darkness of the dream. Everything looks a bit off due to this.

I get over to my coffee table and it looks like it does in waking life, with loads of papers scattered on the surface of it. I try and use the table to stand, but as I am placing my hand on the table in order to use it as a support to get up, the weight of my hand makes the table warp downwards, inwards on itself. Meaning that my hand is causing the table to sort of stretch downwards in the centre warping all the papers and stuff lying there as well. As if the stuff is all of a sudden made of rubbery materials.

I manage to get up and I look out of the window. Down on the right hand side I can see a starry sky joining the horizon. The funny thing is that I am actually looking downwards on this and also the sky (or the other way around) is superimposed on a pattern. Basically think the windows logo but with triangles all pointing towards the centre and a bit more vibrant. Although the stars are out the lighting is fairly bright outside.

There is a dark curtain on the window with square holes in it. Like a mosquito net, though the holes are a bit bigger. I am trying to get out the window, but as I am making my way towards the window it seems like there is an infinity between myself and the curtain so it takes quite a lot longer than anticipated to get to the window. I find that a tad strange, but when I start thinking more about it I arrive at the window and climb through the glass and curtain, quite confident I can do this based on the fact that I have just crawled out of my own body and jump out.

I jump down and notice that I am not really flying and gravity seems strong enough. I notice that there is a building to my right and there is a roof over my head supported by some thin white columns, yet I am outside.

There is grass under my feet and the scenario is fairly different to how I normally perceive the outside of my flat in dreams starting inside. I look down on the grass and out over the lawn to see the flowers. There are quite a few and I notice that they have spherical heads in white and purple, though I also notice that the detail of these flowers are not good. Though upon closer inspection the level of detail increase.

The grass on the other hand is fairly rich in detail. I can see dirt between the straws indicating that it has been recently sewn. I kneel down and start running my arms through the grass and as I am doing this the density increase. The grass feels soft and chilly under my skin, but no way unpleasant, in fact it feels like it is somewhat sentient and reciprocating my gentle strokes (AWSOMENESS!).

I now look up to my right looking for the flowers, which again have taken on additional detail. Furthermore I can see the wind is making the flowerbed form into small waves, like ripples, and as I am seeing this I feel the wind on my skin (by the way think I am naked as I jump out, but decide not to care about it). The wind feels like a chill breeze on a warm day that could never be anything but pleasant.

Notes: The dream was in fact fairly short, but I was somehow more present at every moment, meaning the detail and perceptions I encouraged makes the dream look like one of my longer ones.
…..........

“Brief beach adventure”

I am having quite a lot of mentations involving Carsten J. Some in particular strike out to me where also Ronnie is included.

We are on holiday and we are comparing beaches.

I am at this one beach and the water is looking rather milky, though it is very warm. The air is stupidly hot like 70 degrees Celsius, you wouldn't be able to be there and I somehow notice this, though I don't “notice” it. Around in the edges of the water there are brown volcanic stones, or cliff formations might be more accurate due to their size.

I am jumping around making an effort not to land on one of these stones as I understand them to be immensely hot and will burn me quite severely should I touch them.

non-lucid - Notes - lucid

10-10-11 Intentions were simple meeting up with people from the IOSDP (secretly targeting Katsuno, though he isn't the target till next Saturday =P).

“You a Wizard or a Witch boy!?”

I am put in a situation where I have to choose my professional progression path in the field of magic. There are two ways to go. The first is the wizard way, which involves evocation magic and direct energy channelling. The other is the Witch way, which relies more on potions, rituals and props though it is equally as powerful.

I am with someone that may be my parents and they may have been ghosts. I remember the male, which I believe to be my dad looking at me looking like a zombie with bright red eyes. I am walking amongst some streets that have a winter/autumn feel to them, it is quite cold. I leap up onto one of the buildings, defying gravity a bit using wizardry powers.

I get a simultaneous narration on what it will be like if I choose one profession or the other. It goes even further to explain that even beneath the two main categories there are further specialisation. One of these paths is that you have to work under conditions quite harsh and this is examplified by me receiving a strong cold wind in my face and I understand this to be the standard working condition of this particular path.

My POV shifts so I am not myself any more, rather I am now my dad or the zombie/ghost version of my dad at least. He/I sit down and I basically tell him that the windy conditions aren't the right choice and that we should be patient and wait for the right path.

There is more to this dream before this part though I don't remember much of it.

Skip

The dream shifts to something else, though thematically there is still something about ghosts. In particular there is a guy who is creating a water slide attraction. He is a ghost himself and the nature of the water ride is that he takes people for a drive in a train underwater.

People who are in the train have their eyse at the surface level of the water so they can see for themselves what it is like to drive through water (!?). The dream might have awoken me slightly or at least increased my cortical tone, because I keep having these sensations of having various plants pulled over my eyes inside my eyelids, which is scary and very uncomfortable experience. (one of my biggest fears is having my eyes slashed by reeds).

There are two girls sitting down on a bench outside the lake where the water attraction is. They are eating sausages with a lot of ketchup and mustard while I am preparing an explanation on the water attraction. I go on to explain that the attraction has existed for about 3 years and it was tough in the beginning. The way it works has changed over time to the way it is now where the driver is underwater driving the train between two layers of ice.
…............

“Balloon/Free(Jet?) flight instructor stylez!!”

I am on a patch of land that looks quite fertile and green. It is surrounded on both sides by water. it is daytime.

I am a flight instructor having radio contact with a number of people who are trying to learn either balloon or free(Jet?) flying or a combination of the two.

Out in the field there is a crucial point where you have to have taken off before. Otherwise you will get stuck in two trees with branches crossing each other over the flight path we have to take. There is another instructor on my team who complain about this, seeing as there isn't a lot of runway to take off from before reaching this spot.

I rationalise that by throwing people out in the deep end they will become better pilots later on, though he doesn't really agree with this. I back this up with a particular psychological theory. He says a word, which I hear as Lenin, which I explain that he is not entirely incorrect about this as I am referring to Russian psychologists. He then starts laughing and explains that this wasn't the word he said.
…...................

“Kaomea, Katsuno and an Airport”

I am walking through a street with a lot of people with various kinds of shops. Food, clothing and souvenir shops. The general feel is that the shops are put up for some kind of event and aren't there normally.

Skip

I am walking through an airport terminal with Pil. There is something weird about the situation so I shout out for him to wait for me while I do a reality check. I look at my hand and I don't notice anything particularly different, I pull my thumb into the palm of my hand while I am looking at the back to see if I can make an additional thumb grow.

I can't do this and I shout out “Bah I can't even make an additional thumb grow”, but I still keep looking at my hand and all of a sudden I see that half of it disappears so I only have 3 fingers left.. like a turtle hand.

I spend quite a lot of time trying to calm myself down as I have a suspicion that a lot of my lucids end because of over excitement. So I am standing there looking at the surroundings. The terminal has quite a modern feel to it. The floors and general look of the place is rather metallic though the designers have also found some room for plants. It is fairly bright outside.

I then start working on my goals, but obviously my memory is not playing ball with my intentions. I start walking into the terminal while I shout out “Pil!” intending on finding Pil. Pil comes around the corner, but then I remember that he wasn't the guy I was supposed to meat up with, so I shout out for “Kaomea” and she also appears from around a corner. She looks younger and paler than her picture (and compared to how she has looked before) and seem to have quite a naïve expression on her face. I don't really have anything to say to her. She is all dressed in black.

Then I recall that it was Katsuno who signed up to be the mark for dream invasion, though I am cognizant of the fact that it isn't until next weekend I still shout out “Katsuno”.

I start walking out and jump up towards a sign to see if I can fly a bit, which I am not that successful with, though I don't really care. I continue walking out and there are a lot of plants intertwined with the industrial metallic look of the airport terminal.

At this point I ask Kaomea if she is actually Kaomea or just another DC, and she confess to being a dream character. I think I stop her before she runs off because I need to see her eyes. I have a suspicion that they are yellow, which could indicate that it is Mitzu playing up and they are, but I don't continue the conversation, also she doesn't really feel like Mitzu. Then I might have punched her in the face down an escalator.

I then find Katsuno who is a fairly tall Caucasian male with black hair, not really short, but not long either though it isn't spiked. He is dressed in clothes that would indicate that he is German, a tracksuit maybe(?) (think I primarily infer this because I know him to be German, rather than an objective attribute of his clothes).

Katsuno is talking to someone at the same time as he is walking, maybe another couple of walking with him. I Say “Katsuno”, but instead of responding to me he just keeps on talking to these other people. I get slightly annoyed with this and decide to not waste further energy getting his attention, but then he actually grabs me around the shoulders. I say “I am Dennis, we are dreaming together, this is the goal we are trying to achieve” he replies “yeah I know, I can't believe how vivid this is!”.

I am then walking outside and inside the terminal towards the exit there are some shops with yellow umbrellas over them, I believe they are 'Tuborg' umbrellas but I don't stop to check for sure. I continue walking outside.

Once outside I start thinking about the TOTM and recall that it has something to do about trick or treating. I want to do this at a private door, but I can't seem to find any amongst all the shops. So I look down one way of the street and expect there to be a private door behind me when I turn around. It doesn't really work, though I get the feeling that I won't have to walk far to find one.

Then my memory plays a trick on me and I recall that I have to do something with a shoe. So I walk up to one of the people at the shops and ask her to remove her shoe. She is wearing white priatey clothes and I kneel down to remove her shoe. However I think it might be difficult to get it off, but I mentally remind myself of not acting stupid putting barriers up for myself. So I end up getting off her shoe, it is a white shoe, and I put it on the muddy ground and then the shoe turns into 2D and I wake up, under the commentary of a narrator.
…...........

“FA”

Unsure if I have a FA, but I recall attempting to WILD by making a dream manifest around me. I am not sure though if this memory is from waking or sleeping condition though I suspect this to precede the lucid from the airport.

non-lucid - Notes - lucid

Following dreams occured between 30th Sep - 05th of Oct. I have written up some of the recordings I had lying around. Amazing what this device can do for recall, I get taken back to the dreams while listening, though on the flip side it makes me lazy in writing them up and sharing them.

Date unknown:

“Freaking Lifts!!!... Where is the toilet?”

I am at a concert with Belá Fleck and the Flecktones and I leave this because I have to go to the toilet before heading back to bed? I am walking back into the concert hall and the encore has just finished and I am hoping that I can get out before all the people start leaving.

Everything goes wrong, the first toilet is taken so I go to take the lift to go upstairs, which I can't due to there being a girl in it who goes up. I end up taking the stairs. I come upstairs and press the lift button again and find out that the toilet is taken again so now I go back into the lift.

Here the girl apologise to me for leaving me downstairs before. I then take the lift down and realise I wasn't supposed to go down so I drive up again. I am starting to get angry at this point and I vent my frustration on the lift by punching the mirrored walls, which crack. I am a bit embarassed by this as well as not willing to pay for it so I quickly walk out when I get upstairs.

There is a staircase going up to the second floor and it is possible to see in between the steps of this staircase. I am trying to do some exercise by pulling myself up, but only with one arm which makes the endeavour difficult.

I am talking to Shang in my flat, she is talking about some Ida girl, which I believe to refer to Natasja of my study. The setting is rather dark lit by artificial lighting. Shang is questioning why Ida/Nat doesn't find any of the men that are really elegant guys boyfriend material.

Aurelie is in fact talking about Nat in an odd way. She describes her as sort of a puppet, meaning that all her emotional ties are with a guy back home far away from the current study environment she is in at the moment. I am disappointed in Aurelie that she doesn't consider me a valid boyfriend candidate for Nat.

Notes: Has been quite some time since I had this dream and there is some character confusion between Aurelie and Shang, though Shang definitely is the one I consider girlfriend material and is faffing around with the lights.

I then proceed to talk to Shang and tell her that it sounds pretty much like the situation she used to be in. Shang then goes on to explain that a friend of hers found something in the book (a diary of sorts?) and that she was afraid that it would be discovered and taken the wrong way.

At this point I stop to think that seeing as she no longer has a boyfriend it might be a good time to make a move. I am looking at her as she is trying to switch on the lights in the bathroom and the hallway in between. The lights doesn't seem to be working and she hasn't realised that I am standing there observing her, wearing a towel wrapped around my waist. I find her rather cute as she can't quite figure out what is going wrong.

Skip

Something about Shang's lenses and an inability to see.

Skip

I am on the internet looking at something that has the interface of the IOSDP forum threads, but it is actually a research project on photo recognition of the self, which reminds me that I want to do research myself.
…........

“Mitzu, tell me how to do portals.. no.. not today.. okay then”

I am having a series of false awakenings somewhere in the region of 4-5. Teri McB came down to me and talked to me about Lucid Dreaming. She just had her second. Just after this I have a FA.

The reality check fails and I look at some plates standing around on the sofa and other where. I try and move them telekinetically and they sort of just slightly vibrate. I manage to get hold of a fork though that I pull towards me and throw it into a window, which creates a little dent and shard. I then go and punch the window, nothing happens the first time then on the second the window blows outwards.

There is a bit of wind and then I go and call Teri asking if she wants to come along and join in on this lucid. I go into the window and shout out “why is it so cold?” which makes the cold disappear.

I jump out of the window, not really flying my control is shit but then again it is the first lucid I have had in quite some time. There is really a lack of control going on. I walk around touching up my flat and try biting off bits of my plants, which are way bigger than they normally are. I remember a distinct bitter taste of a “paradise tree” and think you aren't supposed to eat these even in dreams (unsure about the translation).

When down on the ground I call out for Mitzu. I expect her to be behind me. When she comes around I see she is wearing this grey night gown and looks older than she has done before.

I say “Right, Portals!? Tell me, what is going on?” She is reluctant to tell me she doesn't want to teach me at this point in time because there is so much other positive stuff going on in my dreams at this point in time. Bad timing.

I think I might have primed this myself thinking it beforehand not really going in with an open mind regarding what answer I would get. I know what she is referring to though.

FA: I wake up and start talking into my dicta phone.

Notes: I suspect that me transferring to using the dicta phone is actually having an effect on my dreams. I seem to have loads of FAs since starting using it. Potentially this could be due to activations of a brain networks, associated with linguistic performance and speech mediated consciousness, leading to increased cerebral activation.

Skip

Looking at this television show about a guy in the 80es trying to prove lucid dreaming (Called Gray/Grey/Graham?) and he is talking into a dicta phone exactly like mine. But it is an older model. This theory or prove is hidden, the media doesn't want to show it. The media interpret that it is just a guy having done something strange with a bible, and his dream reports are narratives of Jesus leaving a coliseum.

FA: Look at my hands and have a short little lucid where I walk around trying to stabilise the dream.
….........

“Skelly Closets”

I have an actual skeleton lying in my kitchen closet and all the bones are cleaned out. I have to go and show them to one of my really old friends, I for some reason crave his approval.

I run outside and it is really rather windy and wet outside. People are dressed up going to a Halloween party or the like, my mate also is dressed up.

I end up grabbing the skull and just wearing it over my neck like a necklace. I am walking down the street. Something about a programme in which Ryan Reynolds is discussing stupid superhero moves or similar.
…..........

“Spliffs and trains”

I am in a train with Mark and Drew. We are talking about various things, Mark in particular is quite chatty and he has something important he wants to tell me though I recall not what it was. Drew is looking around to see if he should pull out the spliff and light it up, but he decides not to.

The train looks rather luxurious with blue coloured and wooden seatings. Looks like an old school dining wagon, but with more modern seating arrangements without the tables and such, but really high quality.

At one point we drive past another train and I am surprised to find that this train is actually driving in the same direction as us and we are overtaking it.

Upon leaving the train I realise I have left some of my baggage so I run back into the train looking through all the cupboards multiple times to see if I can find it. Thomas M is there as well looking for his baggage and ends up finding his suitcase in a cupboard where I also find, what I believe to be my baggage though I am not entirely sure it is actually mine.

We get outside on the station and everyone is gone. I am unsure of where to go.
…...............

“Piquant Talk Show”

There is a TV show. It reminds me of your average talk show with a host sat behind a desk and guests appearing from the left hand side of the screen.

The host presents his next guest which is Hermione, or at least it is supposed to be her, but it is actually a girl from my study. While normally you would see the cameras zoom out and film the guest entering the studio this doesn't happen though it is supposed to. Due to technical difficultise what you see is the face of the host and the rest of the screen turns into bright multi coloured non-specific patterns.

When sat there they start joking around about what they did on the set. The host is rather geeky looking and they had a joke running about this. They stand up and she “kisses” him on the forehead without actually touching his skin. Instead of an actual kiss to the forehead she just blows some wind in his face.

The host proclaim that this was how he felt like in school, which they apparently attended together, where he was also quite the geek. They then stand up again but this time rather passionately licks his face and grabs his crouch while doing all sorts of things.

When they zoom out again, after the kiss which lasts for quite some time, they then zoom into his crouch area again and it is clearly visible that the man has quite the boner going for himself. Then he pulls out his cock and she starts massaging it.

After this she bends over on his chair asking to be pleased. He removes her dress and find that underneath she is wearing this fishnet type clothing. She asks to be licked and he tries doing this while she is still wearing the net, but gives up and removes it.

He then starts pounding her from behind and the camera goes underneath them to show some revealing footage of him wearing a condom, the action and the moistness of her vagina. It turns to slow motion.

non-lucid - Notes - lucid

05-10-11 No intentions, not even to get lucid, though maybe with a hint of wanting to remember dreams. Stoned.

“Underground Potterish showdown”

I am in a Harry Potter like universe. I am Harry to begin with I think, but then something happen something about an adventure and a person shifting into a black jaguar or similar.

I then become one of the twin brothers I think and we are supposed to go to this theatre or school and scare up the evil kids who are voting capital V. Throughout the dream when I am this brother I recall comparing my wand with my brother's, which I believe is the elder wand. Or at least something stupidly powerful.

Mine is.. quite the opposite. It s fairly long and thick, though it seems made of plastic or candy. It is made of all sorts of transparent coloured tubes that are wrapped around the main shape to give the wand in it's entirety a rather complex look. It is flexible as fuck though, which sort of surprise me. I remember thinking “I really like this wand” although I am not a wand guy. I even thought about that during the dream “I really don't like wands, but this one..” Anyways enough of me talking about how much I love my stick, and on to how I use it!

We head to the theatre and walk through the doors. I can't recall if we have any problems walking in, but I don't think so. There is a wall immediately behind the doors and we walk around this and find another set of doors. I ward myself with a spell that will nullify the first 3 offensive spells that hit me, by drawing my wand in a half circle around me and saying something in a tongue I didn't knew I know. Though I remember not what I said the language sounded dark side, and it ends on a defensive word like “defendarius” “Repeltor” or maybe it was “reflector” (though this last word I used in a later dream and I might just be confusing myself). I only become aware of this 3-spell-limitation in function later on when I am battling the kids and I think to myself “Gee I wonder how many charges are left on my shield?”.

So my brother and I slam open the doors and find a crowd turning their heads in surprise. I can sense that I am becoming angry and I start slinging out spells, though I think I am aware of not wanting to kill anyone, they need to be hurt enough to get scared. I seem to remember some sort of slicing spell that will cut them a bit, but not kill. We are walking down a centre isle and as we get to the bottom of this and are standing around the people I say something more in my dark side tongue and take off in flight to my left, which is also where I spot Voldemort. I am not particular afraid of him though he is looking at me, and this is also the time I check up on the status of my shield.

The dream skips a bit though this might just be due to the violent battle that ensues. In any case I find myself outside the theatre and it was apparently located on this ledge. The surroundings have a dark feel to them, unnatural dark at that. Like it is a city underground, which would explain the fragmented memories of walking around underground/sewer tunnels.

The feel is exactly like this:



However imagine that the platform is naturally attached to the tunnel where the POV is, instead of the mechanical “arm” that is holding it up, and on the platform is the theatre in question. I am looking at the theatre from a distance up in the air and I can see the tunnel I am supposed to go to. The place is collapsing (further) into the ground.

I hear my cousin's voice, she is asking me “Will he survive?” she is referring to my brother, who is not as close to leaving the theatre as I am. I see him jumping between the broken pieces of rubble and fly down and grab him and his dog (?) under my right arm and reply “Sure he is” in a cheeky voice, while I pull him into the tunnel, safe from the fall.
…...........

“Powerless Christmas, Angels and Wizards”

I am in my parents' house in Hornslet and it is Christmas time. I am looking for some paint I used to play with when younger painting role small figures. I need to get this paint to Pil, one of my friends who needs to paint a character for a role play he is playing at the minute. I might as well grab it while I am there, as I have bought a figure myself recently, in fact quite a large one that is supposed to depict “the queen of blades” combined with some sort of fallen angel.

The figurine I am holding is separated into two pieces, which is bugering me a bit because I have to hold onto two pieces rather than one, which is just mentally demanding. At the same time I don't really want to attach the piece if it means it will be trickier to paint the figure.

I am walking around thinking a bit about where I have left the paint, though I am somewhat positive that it will be in a box on the attic of the main building, though it is entirely possible that it is on the attic of the added apartment building.

I walk into the guest room and I see the light flicker. I look a bit closer and it does it again. The light is fairly yellowish compared to how the light would normally look. It flickers again and this reminds me of that one Christmas where we didn't have power (never happened) and the scenery changes to being of the parking grounds of the church, heavily clouded and with light snow falling.

Skip.

I am now in a field with a bandit group or similar and we are out collecting wood. It is still Christmas time and the group has no power either, which is why we are collecting wood. I am the second in command and the leader is not there. I get the feeling I am somewhat stupid.

We are trying to get the wood back to camp via an alternative route that involves tying up all the wood in a bundle and sending a small monkey across a puddle of water with it. However as the monkey is crossing the water the knots around the wood loosen and the wood ends up all over the ”shores” of this little puddle. I notice the monkey sitting across the puddle with an attitude that looks like he is giving up.

I do a little speech to my men saying that the only reason we are out on this shitty day and the Christmas is bad is because we have no power. I rally my troops and point at a theatre all of a sudden standing in the same field. “There is power right there, and I am going to take it” I say. The theatre is in fact a nuclear power plant that has been shut down for unknown reasons.

I walk to the door, which is one of those double swing doors and the door knobs have a red diode light in the middle of them. I kick the doors in, I think I have to do it twice, but I manage to get in. I feel a sense of aggression rising again. We are faced with a wall we have to walk around (a bit like the previous potter dream) and when we are around this wall I am faced with an angel in human form guarding the door. I throw a spell that will make me immune to angelic attacks and continue past the angel, without thinking more about her leaving her speech less.

In the hall I see a wizard standing on my right hand side, I think it is the brother from the previous dream. He is about to react so I mumble something dark side again (this time the ending word is “...Reflector” which will make any spell he throw at me return in his face).

I keep walking down the centre walkway towards a band playing down in the bottom of the hall. I know I can pick up the microphone stand telekinetically and this is the point where I think “hang on a minute..” Loads of people are panicking and trying to get out of the theatre/powerplant. Some are running past be back the way from which I came and others are running further into the building, maybe towards exits unknown to me.

I put out my arms in a defensive, yet apologetic gesture and say “Whoah, whoah, whoah... Lucid... Lucid” in order to get the people to calm down and realise it is just a dream. It doesn't work. Then I see someone that doesn't look like a DC run past me and I grab him asking him if he is another dreamer, he say yes. I ask his name and he tells me it is “Shakira” which makes me suspicious and I say “Shakira, really!?” “Tjakira/Tchakira” he corrects me. His appearance has now changed from a blonde man with short cut hair to a man with long grey/black hair.

I leave him and head back out again. I fly a bit after having thought about why I am walking about like a looser, but I decide to not fly that much any more anyways. Back towards the entrance I am faced with the wall I had to walk around to get in. I decide to fly against it and through it, but end up slamming right into it, though it happens really slowly and without pain.

Someone behind me is laughing at my efforts of going through the wall, but I don't really care. I just drop down and walk around. as I am closer to the exit the dream starts fading. So I, quite aggressively, slam my hands out to either side and start feeling up the walls, which feels like tile, wet and cold as well as breathing through my nose. The air is equally cold.

Slowly the dream comes back and someone, maybe one of the twins from Hornslet, is walking in the building. Outside the weather has changed quite dramatically. It is pissing down and windy as fuck. I feel how the rain is slamming against the side of my face, the cold strong wind making it really annoying.

I think to the dream “Is this a way of telling me that the dream is really unstable?” and start throwing pathetic fireballs the size of shirt buttons to cookies into the sky. The way I throw fireballs is by charging them between my cupped hands at my chest. They don't even look that hot and the last one (think it is number 3) I can barely see. Now I can only see the rain.

I wake up.

Notes: I am starting to put up wards around myself, which I suppose is a good thing when it comes to dream travelling.

non-lucid - Notes - lucid

27-09-11 Intentions: Chill out and meet up with Kaomea, perhaps find Mitzu and get her to explain how to do portals. Additionally I kept in mind to wake up and write down my dreams right after they occurred to see if my recall had gone completely, which proved a good strategy though I have to be careful due to quite the difficulties in falling back to sleep. An audio recorder has become a serious consideration to avoid light interference and shorten the time spent.

“Turning off the lights on the night of the dead is a serious matter”

I am in a house there is a kitchen and dining room adjacent to each other and there are loads of lights on. The lights are a combination of burning candles and electrical lighting. I am going around the house turning off these lights down stairs. Next to the dining room is a hallway that includes a flight of stairs going up. I know people are up there and I take a piece of candy and throw it out the door to get the attention from the people upstairs so I don't have to do all the work myself.

A big, hispanic looking and well trained guy named Jesus appears in this hallway. I briefly wonder if he has come from upstairs or the outside, though I think I decide on the former. While I start talking to Jesus, I get struck with terror. I never really figure out if he is involved in my emotional state or not.

I get sucked into a conversation that happens mentally. My interpretation of this conversation is a sheet of paper with blue pen written on it. As the conversation progress the the statements in each column, one for me and one for the other party change. I get the feeling I am speaking with two figures dressed in dark clothes and that they are either supernatural entities or involved in a cult worshipping such beings.

The gist of the conversation is that it is the night of the dead and the veil between the world of spirit and the world of physics is thinnest. They are trying to intimidate me by I think proclaiming that they will claim my niece on her 4th year of living (7-9-13). However I am not going to sit idly by and let this happen. I think I wake up.

Notes: When awake I get this sensation that I am not alone in the room, I am still stricken with terror, a bit like the nightmare I had a few nights ago. Though this time I go back to sleep with a defiant attitude and I reiterate my intentions, while still noting that on the nights where I intend to dreamwalk I get a similar terror affect.

“Traffic planning leads to defeating a god”

I am following people around in an environment similar to what I grew up in. I think I am following two people around who are taking me on a tour through their private roads while explaining that they are trying to comply with the government regulations for road safety, though they aren't happy about the government interference.

The lighting would indicate a summer afternoon with high bright sun and the foliage still carries clear green. As we are walking around these roads I notice that already some destination signs have been put up, so work has already been carried out.

We get to a point where there is a clearing in the plant life already and it looks like there is a wooden bench that has been cut out of a tree root. I proclaim that there is already a spot of a sign to be placed here, but the old man, now in the shape of my grandfather proclaims that he will fight to the death against having a sign placed here. The reason becomes apparent upon closer inspection of this bench, which isn't actually a bench, but rather a depiction of a Viking face. It is cut pretty flat so the perspective makes the face visible (strange somehow impossible in waking life I think).

My grandfather is then asked if he thinks the Norse people were peaceful settlers, but he explains that they are better contrived as nomads. The scenery starts shifting and now we are in what can best be described as a mixture of a locker room and museum at night. My grandfather is then asked where the blonde trace of the Norse people originated from. He explains it is a funny story and that it was in the 1800s with the “Ette” families.

There are people in dark robes in the room by now. I ask if the name Vestergaard has any relation to this Ette family, but my grandfather explains that it doesn't sound likely. Maybe the name is connected to the god Vejle. There is no current understanding of the meaning of the name Vejle or mine for that matter.

We then get captured by Vejle and she holds nothing back, she lets us know that she intends to kill us. She wounds by stabbing me somewhere in the upper part of my torso, but then a woman appears and distracts her, thereby saving me. Vejle kills her (I think). At this point I notice her dagger is of clear crystal and superior compared to my crude rock knife.

I charge her and figure out she is strong. The battle is an attempt from both sides to block the other's attack. She gets a stab into my pelvic area right above my crouch and it hurts and for a brief moment I think I have been defeated. But I invoke defiance and get a stab in her neck just above her protective chain mail she carries under her dark robe.

As she is dying I lean closer and look her deeply in the eyes and tell her (somehow knowing that it is now my right and duty to proclaim the meaning of my name) “God Slayer, the meaning of the name is God Slayer”.

The remaining “hoodies” pick up Vejle and drag her out while at the same time declaring that they will paint the walls with the name God Slayer, as if I have just beaten a chief in a duel and thereby claimed leadership over the people.

I bend over and clutch my wound.

I wake up.

Notes: Similar feeling to the first (and previous) nightmares, but with increased confidence in my ability to concur nightmares and whatever entities are trying to get me. “Ette” and “Vejle” is a rubbish word and a Danish town respectively.
…............

“You can't get on the plane!”

I am in an airport. My family, including my uncle, auntie and my cousins are going on a trip. It is a trip within Europe so technically we shouldn't need our passports. We are walking through to the security check through this long narrow hallway where there is plenty of evening sun coming through.

Michael and I have forgotten out passports and while my mother is having a fit, I try and take control of the situation by proclaiming that since it is a European flight our drivers licenses should be enough to get us on the plane (don't think this is actually true). Michael is the first to show his drivers license to the Norwegian (?) security guard, and he confirms that it would be possible to get on the plane if it wasn't for the fact that his drivers license had expired. He asks Michael to get back out of the airport.

My uncle Calle, Michael's dad, get cranky and asks rather sarcastic if the security guard is really going to tell Michael that he cannot get on board. His tone of voice indicates that he will be upset about this and that he might resort to violence if his son isn't allowed on the plane.

Calle goes behind the counter the security guards are standing by and starts facing us. In the meantime the guard he was getting into an argument with comes up behind him, grabs something from a drawer that I recognise to be pepper spray and starts spraying Calle in the neck. Calle at first doesn't reall sense it and then he slowly starts turning his head and gets a bit in his eyes.

He starts punching the security guard and after a while the guard asks his partner if he can bring him two rounds from the cupboard, declaring his intention of shooting Calle. Then it goes weird. All of a sudden the two security guards with Calle in the middle are assembling a big drill for a power tool and at this point I start clapping my fingers. I don't think my family has realised it yet, but I have figured that it is all a show for Michael because it is his birthday.

I walk along the counter and see my dad sitting by it like he would a bar. I look at him while clapping to see if he has figured it is all a play as well.
…..................

“I have a freaking strange way of fertilising plants”

I am at a party, or something similar and I leave to run back home. I am running through the rain without wearing a shirt. I think this is intentional because I have some woman to impress. Although I am running sloooooooow and people are seeing it I am quite confident that it looks like I am in quite a powerful stride.

I don't get all the way back home and all of a sudden I have this plant that is supposed to get planted in April. I walk into a house that I think is my own but after a while I see that it is not. I turn around to leave while saying “Sorry my mistake, wrong house” and try and walk out. The house I now notice is blue and yellow pallets on the walls with wooden bar chairs set along a counter. I briefly wonder how the place looks like a café or bar, when last I was in the area it was a residential house.

Aaaanyways I start walking out the house and I now seem completely entagled in the tree or plant I am supposed to plant in April. This tree is so big that I get stuck in the door and can't get out. I am not afraid, but slightly embarrassed at the situation as I have clearly gone about my mission of getting out of the door in completely the wrong way.

The owner of the house, a woman comes out and starts helping me out. As well as helping me out the door she also provides some useful tips for when I will plant the tree. I am not sure why I start rummaging about in the dirt around the roots of the plants, maybe to get out of the entanglement I don't know. However what does come from this is that I notice there is a lot of worms in the dirt and as I dig my hands in I can feel them moving about in my hands. These worms are fertilizers I intrinsically know, so I decide to grab a handful and eat them in order to fertilize my plants (WTF!?!?). It is a really unpleasant feeling in my mouth and then I question if I can even incorporate this way of fertilisation into my lifestyle (I am an ethical/principal vegetarian).

skip.

Back in the bar/café from before and I notice the woman is having a shot. I think it is Jaegermeister dropped into a glass of hot water. My dad orders 4 and gives me one along with Lars Digter, and some else.
….................

“Short WILD – Swimming Pool and find Minka!”

I am lying in my bed just after the dream above. I notice the lights behind my eyelids get brighter and brighter and eventually pictures start appearing. The pictures are strange they are of chairs on a balcony, but the balcony is upside down.

My vision zooms up so I can see some details of the chairs. They are white and look like cheap dining chairs, the texture seems somewhat rough. Along these chairs are white plastic recliners as well.

Skip.

I wake up in the darkness by a pool. My sister is talking about how she has gone swimming with my niece, momma baby style. I tell her that it is all well and good, but that this is a dream. Then my sister reassures me that of course she would do it in dreams but also in real life, which basically just serves to confuse me and I can't really understand the implications of the sentence.

I am somewhat confused I see the white recliners and I am positive that I was just falling asleep, but I end up jumping into the pool and really feeling the water. I then climb back out of the pool and decide to check my hand. it looks fairly normal at first, then maybe an extra finger, wait am I sure there was an extra finger, make you little finger shorten Dennis! Cool beans, finger is getting shorter, defo dreaming!

What was it I wanted to do, oh right find Minka (50% correct, I was supposed to find someone, but it was Kaomea). I walk out on the water because I can and take off into flight up to a roof top window. I think I might be talking to my sister about dream control or something.

I start climbing out through the window, but bonk my head against the glass. I take a breath, slow down and focus and try again. This time I am able to go through the glass and it feels like I am climbing through cling film.

I take off into flight again when I am on the roof. I shout “Engage Awareness!” and I take particular notice of the fact that there are plenty of stars out and the trees are swaying heavily with wind. I notice that I am completely wet from being in the pool and the wind is going to chill me, but I also think luckily I can just alter that so it isn't a problem.

As I am flying through the wind I become nervous about the wind grabbing me and slamming me to the ground or into a tree. The dream fades.

Notes: I think the lack of time spent stabilising the dream and the fear evoked about slamming into a tree is what ended it. It was only a brief thought as well, almost the same instant I thought it I also thought, fuck it, only a dream.

non-lucid - Notes - lucid

22-09-11 Shitty recall, went to bed with the intention of meeting the Ayahuasca guy and chilling in the event of lucidity, maybe play around with my Blasting Rod, which is not a euphemism for a sexual organ.

Went to bed around 1:45 GMT+1 and was up about 10.

Remember having quite the number of dreams, but only one really stuck and even this is with fairly poopish recollection.

Here goes

Death Joints and Goblin Attraper!

I am in a hospital setting, though the surroundings seem more like the room is located in a sewer. There is a patient on the table and there is a female doctor working on him. She is using a plant or the extract of a plant and manage to cure him of whatever ailment it was that he had.

It turns out to be a brain disease (I later discover it to be caused by the same plant that cured him). Either the dream shifts or we move rapidly from the sewer setting out in to a natural setting. We are in a park there is a woman with me, a researcher, maybe Kaomea, not sure, but I don't think it is the same doctor who treated the other guy.

There is another patient and I look at him from a distance. His head is swollen (BADLY!) and there are discolourings that are somehow luminous, but also look like blood poisoning at the same time.

The guy is in a bad shape and he is rambling. Not sure if the rambling is caused by the disease or a love craze for the researcher accompanying me. He wants a picture taken of his head and he wants to show her that finally he has a big brain. He thinks she will find it attractive.

The PoV shifts from the side of the bloke to up above him. As his brain continues to expand at a rate his skull cannot follow he just dies. Nothing fancy, all of a sudden he is just still. A bit creepy.

Skip

We have the plant and we are running towards the spot where it is to be planted. I find it a tad weird that it is in the middle of the park accessible to everyone, but she insist. We find the spot and all of a sudden a guy comes running towards me and past me with helicopter gun ships on his tail. Shots are fired and I see splinters from trees right in front of me.

I take my posse and dive towards the right and we run to a little hole in the ground that has obviously been prepared for just the plant. The researcher runs and starts putting the plant to ground (Seeing her now she reminds me an awful lot of my partner from the shootout from a couple of nights ago, so in retrospect it is probably Kaomea).

Note: Next time lucid find her and pay attention to how she freaking looks/feels!

However there is little time and we have to abandon the plan, I am not sure because of the feline/troll faery or he comes immediately after, but when I see him I turn lucid.

The fae is interested in the plant, for hidden probably malicious reasons. He is in a shelter by the side of the gravel road, it looks normal except the doors to the place is more like gates that can be pulled down or up.

He is sat in the house and his body is weird. Overall it is mainly feline but his arms are extremely long and you can see the power in both upper and lower arms. Besides that he has hands, opposable thumbs and all. He is partially or fully naked, though I think he has a cloth covering his groin. His skin looks rough and a bit tanned and his hair is completely black and looks a bit like a mane.

Lets step out for a bit: I am aware that this doesn't sound like a faery to you guys, but if you have read the Dresden Files you will remember that many a creature are of the fae ^^

He shifts his gaze around and spots us. I immediately get the feeling that he only perceives me as a disturbance and he charges me. He could easily rip me in half, and due to his odd looks I am a bit anxious when I, based on my intuition alone, drop to one knee and compliment his home. Had he not been faery this would have been the end of me. Instead he stops mid charge and looks at me somewhat confused.

The researcher and another guy (maybe the one who came running) are a bit ahead of me, not in danger of the fae as he wants something from them. In all fairness it might be better to call the bastard a goblin, which he looks like more, which essentially still makes him a fae, though of the Wild Court. and are pretty much already in the little shed.

The goblin shifts his eyes to the prize and I am left outside. I look at the goblin intently and eventually, because I complimented his house, he waves an arm around in a common cross cultural gesture “come inside”.

“I thank thee humbly for thine hospitality and your graciousness as a host accepting me into your house as a guest”. It actually comes out rather well though my voice is a bit muddy at times, I think to myself that this little speech is rather good compared to my normal lucid speaking. The speech serves a function though it, it serves to establish a traditional and sacred bond between host and guest the faeries MUST adhere to. It serves to ensure my safety, as the goblin must protect me as he would himself as long as I am his guest.

The runner looks at me and his face is now that of Daniel (my upstairs neighbour) and he gives me a mischievous smile of recognition. He might as well just have said “Nice one!”, he is also aware of the rules of the fae. The reason it works I think is a combination of the compliment, and timing of my little speech. The goblin is a freaking junkie and only really wants the plant, so with that as a distraction he doesn't really know what he is agreeing to.

The goblin gets the plant and the runner and the researcher is huddled down in the back of the building. There might be a small stream of water in the house. I stop to wonder at this point if I should start exerting direct control, but the plot of the story is just too damned good to start ruining it like that ^^.

We have to get out of here and I start looking for ways to achieve this. I have a slight (rather, a MASSIVE!) advantage over my friends, being a guest, whereas they are prisoners. The goblin has taken the plant and is now up in the corner under the roof of the shed. His body has turned redish and blue in some areas, and I discover why, he is smoking the freaking plant.

Right next to him a smoke detector, appears. Difficult to explain. There is an incipient smoke detector that manifest when I look at it. I come up with a plan. I am going to burn the building down and utilise my status as a guest to ensure that the goblin will have to focus on me and my safety while my friends escape.

I ask the runner if he has a smoke, he hasn't. For some reason I know there is no reason in asking the researcher. So I turn to the goblin and ask if I can bum a cigarette. He looks at me a little while before he throws me the “death joint” he is smoking.

I catch it in my shirt, by the elbow. It is one of my favourite shirts and now I have a different problem, I had hoped to acquire a lighter so I had a more direct means of starting the fire. However I still have my shirt and I contemplate if I should just set fire to myself or take it off and start a fire in the building.

I feel the dream fade and wake up before I can see it to completion.

http://www.dreamviews.com/blogs/atra...s-dream-24229/

http://www.dreamviews.com/blogs/atra...s-dream-24103/

non-lucid - Notes - lucid

13-09-11 I am lying in my bed and I can hear Silas talking to someone, a dream entitiy. For some reason I think he is talking about a location I know and that he is part of IOSDP. I keep thinking windmill, which is then repeated by the dream entity and he talks about bikes as well. I think I know the location he is talking about so I think hard about Vesterguard, and this is eventually repeated by the dream entity as well, first as guard and then the full name.

Not sure if the above section was a FA or HH → pre REM dreaming.

I am lucid and the dream starts forming. I am in the sea, swimming around unable to get to shore, know I am dreaming, but my vision is blurry and I have limited control. I see light in the horizon out over the water and what would be a sea port town. I eventually stabilise the dream through breathing.

I am waiting for Silas or ”Crusher” (definitely a name with a C, though I will refer to him as Silas from now on) or whatever to get out of the water. I decide to finish off the TotM tasks. Walking on water was simple enough have, but I have to try a bit harder to pull out a ball of water from the ocean mentally, the water keeps rippling where I try and pull out the ball, and sling it maybe 20 metre in a forward arch (this is what I tried to do in the first lucid I had, but got interrupted).

Silas comes into shore and I take him to the place I thought was the place, but it turns out he doesn't recognise it it. We talk a bit about us both being new to this whole IOSDP thing and that we will just continue marching on writing down our stuff and trying to meet.

Silas takes off and I try and do a cool back flip onto a little hut, that turns into a chest in my grand father's house, albeit a very tall chest and the back flip is sub par. I jump down and someone is using a crowbar to tear through a thin wall.

”We have nearly destroyed my grand mother's house” I say, think to either Silas or the person using the crowbar. I am in the basement and I say ”Well, see you around” and try and fly out, but can't get through the walls or windows, I try and open the windows and now I have the crowbar, they are too small, I try another one and get stuck looking at some girl/woman who I tell I have been playing around and stuff. She tells me I have been playing with (don't recall name) a baby girl, because apparently I have colour in my face.

Notes: Though lucid the entire time even with access to waking memory (cf. The TotM tasks) I don't realise that I am talking to Silas, a TV show character and treat him as a member of the IOSDP. Aside from that the control I had in this dream was horrible apart from the TotM stuff.
…

I am in possession of copious amounts of weed, bags that would indicate in the kilos. This particular theme is recurring over what I believe to be a series of dreams. But it is all very fragmented.

I get back from a party and I am pretty pissed, I think I try and skin up without much success.

I pick up some weed somewhere and bring it to a friends house, which results in the house getting raided as I bought it of the mum of the girl I was visiting and the dealer didn't want weed around her daughter.

I run into an old female friend of mine from way back, who explains that they have gone out to town recently where they brought “the other Rasmus” and Sisse and they ended up hooking up and having sex. I was surprised to find that this actually hurt considering it was 8 years ago and that I was only with her for 3 months approximately.

I return to the first girl's house where I find that the weed I brought the night before is still there. I start making a roach and look for paper. I have some in my pocket, but it is all crumbled up and I am unsure if the clue will stick. Doesn't matter in the end I find some on the table. The roach becomes really weird and some woman calls me from downstairs before I can roll a spliff.

I am talking to a friend who have found a stash of wed of maybe 3 kilos. He is talking about how it is located in a residential area and he has seen it quite some times just lying there. He argues we could make some profit of it by starting to sell a bit.

We are under a bridge with graffiti on the wall and in a room which looks sterilised and metallic, though shaped like a container on the inside. This is where the aforementioned 3 kilos of weed is. We get busted and try and explain that we could sell for the dealer, but he doesn't care explains that he deals in larger lumps and as far as he is aware all we do is owe him and eights.
…

In a sauna/steam room with a lot of men and I am about to fight my dad. I keep placing well placed uppercuts. He warns me that he will get going soon, there isn't a lot of room to move and I am afraid of bumping into other naked men.
…

Kaiser complementing my new jacket and informing me that he will start shopping in second hand shops as well.

http://www.dreamviews.com/blogs/atra...s-dream-23488/

http://www.dreamviews.com/blogs/atra...s-dream-23430/

non-lucid - Notes - lucid

01-09-11 We are going to the family reunion. Besides the family there are a lot of other characters attending as well and rather than the first week of September it is for an entire week.

I seem to be packing quite a lot and spending time in the bath room.

Skip.

on day 3-4 everyone is getting tired of it. In particular Minka, who has made an arrangement to drive home with her parents (this is odd, since she they aren't the family). She leaves for a while and comes back dressed in a short pink dress and she looks an awful lot like Paris Hilton fashion wise.

It is raining however, so she looks kinda sad about this since it will mean changing outfit again, but she seems packed and ready to go.

I see her mother dancing down the hallway and they are the first family to have proclaimed that they are leaving.

The younger crew of the various families within family seems to be getting reckless and I decide to go and pack up so we can go quickly if my parents decide to bail.

The rest of the young crew are lying around either in the hallway or in rooms. There is a general consensus to go to the bar on the opposite side of the road, but no one seems to be taking initiative.

Skip.

I am talking to my cousin about something related to leaving.

My sister is talking, she doesn't want to be their either but she explains that it is nice to see the family join up together setting aside selfish consideration to see her daughter.
…

I am at an airbase watching Stoffer fly around in a fighter jet. The plane is completely white. He has rented it with a mate for a day as it is the cheapest of the planes available.

I am going up there with him and he is explaining that he intends to do a loop, which I am looking forward to.

As he is coming in for landing and driving towards the spot where he has to pick me up, he makes a weird turn that almost tips over the plane and make the wings hit the ground. He asks his mate to check if something happened, but it seems fine.

He gestures me to get in and I am getting in next to him. I tell him that I find that rather weird as normally I would sit behind him (yeah my plane knowledge is lame ^^)

We start driving around and to be frank all I really remember is driving the plane through something like a race course. At one point we come up to two rocks and Stoffer tries frantically to turn it into the larger gap and I scream at him to take the smaller to avoid making the wings tip towards the ground and potentially hit the larger rock.

We make it to the air though I think, but I only remember pulling back up to the base and getting out asking Stoffer if he really did the loop with me.

“Yes” he replies.

Rasmus SL gets in the plane and I think I spend some time talking to Kasper.
…

I wake up.

I am in Germany at the camping grounds where my grand parents live part times of the year. It is dark early morning on a Sunday and I think about hitting the golf course a few holes in so I wouldn't have to pay the green fee.

I am speaking to a pro who is talking about hitting the course early and I reconsider maybe only hitting the approach/putting green instead.

I sense something is up pretty much from the start and as I am walking towards the lake in the camping grounds/golf course I decide to look at my hand. It doesn't look weird at first, but I decide to keep looking and all of a sudden half of my pinky disappears and reappear almost immediately.

I think about what to do and I have been trying too hard to get to Chichén Itzá maybe. Maybe people would get tired of me filling up the journal with crap on non-attempt nights.

So I decide to fool around. Well I could justify my efforts as trying to master a petite form of shape shifting, at least in the beginning of the dream.

I take off into flight and at the same time trying to imagine myself engulfed in flames. The idea is to create a hybrid between the human torch and a phoenix. This particular shape is then to be used with its inherent capability of scorching the area it flies over. In other words I am trying to become a fiery tool for laying waste.

It doesn't go too well. There is no fire appearing and I don't sense a temperature increase, but the first minute or more is spent just flying around trying to think of fire and how it would be looking out from the inside of a fire.

The closest I get is at one point where in my left field of vision a red glowing metal string appear (like the ones in a bread toaster). After this I give up.

I land and start walking around thinking about what to do. I walk across a road and a car is speeding towards me. I just plant my feet in front of it and decide to stand my ground. The car hits me, though it seems to do so very slowly. It's rear starts lifting off the ground until it moves in an arch above me and land on the ground.

I decide to hone my telekinetic abilities a bit and pick up the car mentally and throw it away. In the direction I threw it there is a shop with quite a lot of cars parked outside. I pick up two of these, one on either side of me and hold them spinning slowly in mid air before I throw them through the shop windows pretty controlled. Check, first time for holding two objects at the same time in opposite ends of my field of vision.

I pick up another two cars and pull them towards me mentally and grab them in my hands when they get close and slam them together.

I look up and see elevated train tracks. There is a train coming in fast on this meandering track and I decide to try getting on it. I sort of know it is a dream and I could just fly, but I do something else. I throw the first car up in the air over a sign (made of concrete and fairly tall). I jump onto the sign and as the first car is almost at the ground now I throw the other one up above me and jump onto it and immediately jumping off it again so I get to the train and manage to grab hold of an edge on it's roof.

I swing myself up on the train, which obviously is moving at tremendous speed. I jump onto it and start surfing it towards the train station (I somehow get a feeling that I have already been there). Towards the station there is a sharp turn and the train has to go into a tunnel. Although I am tempted to jump off not to get smashed I hold my grounds and follow the train a bit into the tunnel before jumping off.

I fall down and grab hold of a metal rod running along the tunnel. and start swinging along it as a monkey. Then I land on the ground and starts walking outside when I see a black man with two children walking down towards me. One of the children is walking on his right hand side and the other is in a child carrier.

I struggle a bit getting past them without running into them. I think it is funny I am considering their well being although I know I am dreaming.
...

Night time mentation: The Lucid is the first dream I recall from the night. When I then try and fall back to sleep after the dream there is this notion that I am experiencing the world from 6 different caskets, with six different names.

Sometimes I get pulled back to a central POV, but it is somehow different. Though I know I am lying with my head up against the wall I feel my consciousness reaching out in a huge bubble around me through the walls and bed.

Then I would feel the six caskets again and while my awareness either dwell on these or is transitioning between them I sense a powerful feeling of being loved. As if someone “else” is in these caskets sending positive vibes towards and through me.