The Nomad Chronicles

I am sitting at a wedding table of the gods on Mount Olympus on a grassy mountainside. The table is full of all kinds of food, and there is a huge cake. The bride and groom are dancing to music played by Pan and some wood nymphs.
I smile and inhale. The air is so pure and fragrant. Smells like wildflowers, wine, and nectarines.
I pluck a grape the size of a plum off a bunch and pop it in my mouth. The grape bursts, and is full of amazing sweet floral flavor. I crunch the seeds and swallow. My, how real my dream body feels. As I reach for a pomegranate, I notice I have a feline paw. Ah, I guess I must be the god of Nothing. I chuckle to myself.
Suddenly, a portal opens, and my goddess, Eris appears in terrifying glory. sparks are flying around her, and thunder claps. The music stops, and all look at her. The magical storm disspates, and she blows out her right hand which apparently caught fire.

"And why was I not invited?"

All are silent.

"Anyway, here ya go," she says, tossing her wedding gift upon the table. Inscribed on it are the words, "Kallisti! To the prettiest one."

"Well, thank-" the bride begins to say, but is interrupted by Aphrodite.

"I am obviously the most beautiful goddess in the world, for what is more beautiful than Love herself?"

"Pshaw!" snorts Athena. "Wisdom is more beautiful than flightly love, which causes good men to do evil deeds, and makes women ugly in their jealousy. Wisdom is the mother of peace and justice."

"You silly sad, bitches, I am the Great Mother Bitch!" scream Hera. "I am the prettiest one! I gave birth to everyone and everything!"

Eris grins at the discord sown.

"Zeus!" shouts Hera, "Who is the prettiest one? Who is the owner of the apple?"

"Well, isn't the apple a wedding present? So, it should go to-"

"Wrong answer!" Hera screams, and throws a large pumpkin at Zeus's head which he narrowly dodges.

"Hmph!" says Athena, let's ask Paris, the God of Nothing. "Come here boy," she beckons to me. Hera and Aphrodite stand next to her. "Look at us, who is the prettiest?"

Athena is gorgeous with green eyes and coppery curly auburn hair. She has a cute pointy nose, strong yet feminine jaw, and sexy lips. She speaks to me telepathically, and I have a vision of gaining knowledge and wisdom to make myself wealthy, and I have a palace full of gold.

I look at Hera, and she looks like a naughty MILF. She smirks at me. She has long straight brown hair, dark brown eyes, and full lips. She gives me a vision of conquering my enemies in battle and expanding my kingdom.

I look at Aphrodite. She has strawberry blond hair, and green-blue eyes, and pouty lips. She gives me a vision of my soulmate being with me. "I already have that!" I think.

I turn to Eris. She has long curly black hair and violet eyes. "Oh, Eris Goddess of Discord, how I love and worship Thee, you are Khaos, you are the Apple and Omega, the Beginning in the End, You are the All-Mother, for out of Khaos, Matter was Born. I take the apple off the table and walk to Eris. I kneel down before her, and offer it to her."

She grins, picks up the apple. She takes a bite, and like it's a regular apple, and says, "thanks," nonchalantly around a mouthful of apple. She chuckles to herself and steps into the portal.

The other three goddesses fume at me. I smile and wave at them. "bye, bitches."

"No fair! We didn't know he was a Discordian!"

"HAHA! 23 IN YOUR FACE!" I step through the portal.