The Nomad Chronicles

( a few days ago)

abridged

I am standing at the door of my old house in Mass. I am in a clown costume with a big bouquet of flowers. Queen Zukin answers the door. She's in pajamas.

Uh... hello? What?

Hello, young lady. I am Mr. Dream Clown Dude, and I want to give you these dream flowers to let you know you are dreaming. She grabs the flowers, and throws them in the yard, then she kicks me. GET OFF MY PORCH!

But, wait!

NO!

I summon a warthog and ride it. See, I couldn't do this, except we are dreaming.

Then, get out of my dream!

Wouldn't you like to do a Reality Check?

NO!

She throws a frying pan, and some popcorn at me. WAIT WAIT!

I was just having a nice, dream, and you woke me up.

No, see that's called a false aw-

Are you a Jehova's Witness?

No, I am clown riding a pig in your front yard.

I HATE CLOWNS.

I turn into normal-me. Queen Zukin slams the front door. I summon some green eggs and ham, and eat it sullenly. I charge through the front door with the boar. I am chasing Queen Zukin. STOP CHASING ME YOU ASSHOLE. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I just want to swallow your soul. Just kidding! Just kidding. I just want to let you know this is a dream.

She kicks me again, and I tumble into the backyard.

The pig disappears.

I lie on the ground, bloodied. She comes out.

Jason! Jason! You okay?

I am not Jason.

Oh, you're... Waking Nomad? Is this a dream?

YES!

She looks at her hands. She has 9 wavy fingers, one of which is green. I laugh.

YIKES! she wakes up.

Oh well.