lucid

Night of May 3, 2018. Thursday.



In my dream, in full lucidity, I hover in an incorporeal form above a bird nest of mostly straw in early morning daylight. Within the bird nest are about seven gray creatures, with minimal white areas, that are all joined as one mass.

Looking more closely, I still cannot determine if they are baby birds or kittens, although the form changes from time to time and I can sometimes make out legs or parts of wings. They seem to breathe as one. There is also an association with baby rabbits for a short time.

Realizing that the autosymbolism is tied in to the typical vestibular system correlation of which is inherent to the dream state itself, my focus shifts very slightly.

The creatures, still as one singular mass, rise into the air, to become a circle of only sparse fur or hair, hovering about a foot above the nest, and now of only about ten percent of the volume of the original feature. I focus on the change and I think of it as thin gray thread. It continues to hover in the air as a floating horizontally-oriented wreath made of thin thread of the color of Spanish moss.

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Morning of April 25, 2018. Wednesday.



In this brief waking dream, I am in an unknown library. A very vivid voice mentions “Shirley Holmes” at the end of a phrase. I believe it relates to appreciation of a book. I consider how it is a play on “Sherlock Holmes”. However, I soon consider that it may be dream state distortion implied to suggest “surely homes”, but I do not see it as having potential meaning other than being happy at home based on the tone of the voice.

It turns out that there actually is a Shirley Holmes character of which I am certain I had not known of before, or at least never gave any notice to (though again, I am quite certain that I would have remembered a play on “Sherlock Holmes” as such). Even so, the detective essence is a recurring factor of being in liminal space, which represents the enigma of being between identities, dream self and conscious self. This has been a factor since very early childhood.

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Quick update: As usual, this dream seemingly came partly from content from what Zsuzsanna had been thinking earlier, with no way of me knowing. She had seen a game show that focused on Sherlock Holmes. This happens continuously, but I often do not go back to edit the entry.

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Morning of April 23, 2018. Monday.



While lying in our bed early this morning, I enter light sleep paralysis, which automatically brings me joy, a sense of well-being, and enhanced senses, though there is no imagery. I try to will the rising sensation I usually get upon focusing on this state, which usually begins with a tingling all over my body and an eventual sense of floating. This occurs and I feel weightless. I am aware of Zsuzsanna on my left. I try again. A second wave of tingling pleasure fills me.

Believing I am at least partly awake now (but still in a vivid dream state), I see a few random comic strip panels as if floating above me, facing downward. I read some words and word patterns, most of which are the typical gibberish, but the letters are very clear. One end panel says “TWIN” and below that, “TWN”. Another end panel begins with “Dream interpretation is misrepresentation…”.

I believe I am talking to Zsuzsanna about what I had seen, though my eyes are closed for a time. There is a real awakening of which quickly falls back into a false awakening. I seem to be in the Stadcor Street backyard (where we have not lived in years) in late morning, even though it also seems we are inside our present home in bed in semidarkness. (Being aware of two different lighting schemes simultaneously is not that common in my dreams, though it is basically just another aspect of bilocation caused by the conscious self identity being in the dream state.) I still believe that a part of me is awake enough to communicate with Zsuzsanna. A tingling moves through my body again and there is also a flashing. My hand is flashing as well. There is a very intense enhanced awareness. However, looking at the sky, I see a Klingon Bird-of-Prey hovering over the house and a 1950s flying saucer farther to the left. I laugh at my inability to realize that I had not stayed awake during this time. I then wake for a short time for real. My sexuality seems exponentially increased. I am going to have to play around and take advantage of the dream state for a little longer.

Still in very pleasant light sleep paralysis, I decide to augment the state again and hold my conscious self awareness intact as much as I can. I am then in the bedroom on Barolin Street (where we have not lived since 2008 - the house no longer there in reality). I deliberately become incorporeal for a time and decide to try a typical door experiment. I move through the house toward the front door, which is now a large locked steel vault door. I fly as fast as I can will myself to, headed straight to it. As I know it is a dream, and what the door represents (a liminal space barrier between different levels of consciousness and unconsciousness), I realize that one of two events will happen. Either I will wake upon reaching the door, or I will enter an even higher state of apex lucidity by phasing through it. The latter happens. Time seems to slow down and I phase through the door, enjoying the event. I marvel at the beauty of the event and my enhanced clarity of mind.

After phasing through the steel door, I find myself in front of an unfamiliar house late at night, looking back at the other side of the door. From here, I decide to walk and also to bring about daylight.

I reach an area with about ten people to my left, mostly sitting along the side of the road. Most of them are partly undressed. It might be some sort of family gathering. Being in apex lucidity, the dream characters are a bit “off” and “glitchy”. I am looking for Zsuzsanna or a reasonable facsimile of her. I see a girl sitting on an embankment but realize that it is not her. I notice that all of the people have small areas of odd patchy and scaly darker skin. This may be a RAS hybrid of snake (the core RAS modulation factor) and personification.

The preconscious (as an unknown male of about thirty) takes form and walks toward me and I am very annoyed, as I do not want to wake up yet. I immediately split him in two with the power of my thoughts and the sides fall in opposite directions. His partner comes over and seems upset. She looks down at the ground and seems unsure of what to say. I decide to will the pieces back together and walk off to another area.

I summon a sexual encounter. It seems to be a version of Zsuzsanna at first, but soon turns out not to be. She is wearing a cat costume. Unfortunately, she also expects me to interact with her virtual pet first, that she pulls out of a cloth bag, which is little more than a Fleshlight with a toy stuffed cat sewn around it. This greatly annoys me and I go elsewhere. (Otherwise, a cat is an emergent consciousness factor, though remains on the preconscious side of the door of liminal space.)

The people in this new area, half open building, half outdoors, are now taking on a more realistic appearance. Girls walk through a hall in a building of an unknown purpose. I am not sure if it is meant to be a college, hospital, train station, or all of the above. I summon Zsuzsanna and we indulge in pleasure, though I do not undress her. I go through the motions of undoing my pants (which is very strange as I am not dressed in reality and my faux conscious self model should know this). My manhood phases into her (through her clothes) as she leans back against the edge of a wall where a large room is to the left and the hall is to the right and we move together for several minutes. I have zero interest in the people walking around, though they do not regard us anyway. As I wake, I am holding Zsuzsanna close.

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Night of March 27, 2018. Tuesday.



As I enter the usual water induction stage, seeing the glimmer of the surface of the virtual water, the essence of sleep, the absence of emotion, the physical release of muscle tension, I notice the setting seems to be near sunset, though there is enough light to see by. It is a beautiful scene of a river. I am not yet “in” my dream, as I have not decided whether to enter here or wait for the next scene to render.

Still, I mentally say “boat” and nothing more, and my voice sounds much younger in my head.

I suddenly find myself standing near the bow of a skiff, moving slowly along. I notice a number of cypress knees ahead (which represent dynamics of my muscles that are not fully relaxed), though they do not pose any sort of threat or challenge. (Who wants to be “challenged” in the dream state anyway? - RAS modulation would come soon enough.) It is a beautiful and peaceful scene. In fact, I decide to let my lucidity go at this time and allow myself to enter deeper into sleep.

Throughout my life, I have read a number of articles about lucid dreaming, none of which have made any sense to me, but then, most of what is written about dreams makes little or no sense at all, and I have focused on the nature of my dreams all my life (and it not only has never been problematic, but I married my literal dream girl, my dreams having given me hundreds of specific clues about her identity, which proved to be correct, and some dreams have healed me in ways which no one would believe).

Many such articles imply how a person “practices” or attempts to lucid dream. This makes no sense to me, as since earliest memory, it was a natural state of which I did not have to practice or try to do (though I sometimes “set up” dreams, but I have mostly gotten to where I do not even need to do that due to the nature of in-dream auto-scripting). The summoning factor also exists in liminal dream control (dream control without lucidity). This is when the conscious self is aware of the dream state without the dream self being viably lucid (a specific type of synaptic gating), though still commanding the dream’s content at some points, even the RAS mediation of the waking transition to a certain extent (though biological factors and subliminal environmental concerns such as an unknown noise always take priority).

Apparently, some people ask themselves on and off all day if they are dreaming, which supposedly helps them to recognize when they are dreaming, though in my view would likely corrupt the function of RAS mediation and modulation (reticular activating system), arguably one of the most important parts of the brain, so why tamper with its very purpose? This is something I have never done or needed to (though reading nonsense in so-called dream dictionaries or dream interpretation books causes me to wonder what is going on with people in the world, and I joked about this on Twitter recently). The practice does not even make any sense as this is neither how auto-scripting nor autosymbolism works (or even subliminal conscious identity for that matter) in the dream state itself.

Conducting “reality tests”, including continuously asking myself if I am dreaming, as the personified subconscious is not the conscious self, makes zero sense. Additionally, dreams are not usually symbolic of waking life as many people claim; they are autosymbolic renderings of concurrent unconsciousness thought processes, for example, if one has to go to the bathroom now, or check the source of a noise now, it is happening now, not eight hours earlier but now, yet for some reason many people cannot seem to grasp this simple idea at all. They take a biological waking alert factor (RAS modulation) like a snake and try to pretend it has waking life relevance (which would only be true in rare cases, such as literal prescience or a literal residual carryover). This is not what such REM thought processes were created for. They are not “recordings” or even viable (active) memories (which also is why regressive hypnosis was exposed as a total misconception years ago).

Fully understanding autosymbolism and the nature of the dream state is enough to sustain apex lucidity on thought alone. The one and only factor of the dream state is RAS mediation, not “subconscious this” or “subconscious that”.

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Morning of March 20, 2018. Tuesday.



In this dream, I mostly remain semi-lucid, though there are a few random distractions. The settings are all unfamiliar.

At one point, I find myself in an upstairs room in some sort of restaurant. I am near the counter where a cheerful chef asks me what I want. There is a plate of mashed potatoes that I decide to take. I do not eat all of it as I notice there is activity downstairs and I also realize that seems to be the only way out of this room.

When I am downstairs, my lucidity increases to where I realize that my physical body is not wearing shoes as I sleep. Looking down, I notice that my feet are bare. This is not of much concern to me as I recognize the dream state indicator for what it is. However, just for the sake of presence, even though it is just a dream, I decide to summon shoes onto my feet. My feet are wearing shoes for a time, but they become transparent now and then. The people in the restaurant are all friendly.

Eventually, I come to a checkout counter in a different building, which might be that of a library. I absentmindedly bump it and it seems very loose and actually comes off and so I place it so that it leans against the side of another part of the service area. I tell the unknown female at the counter that I will fix it and a contractor, an unfamiliar friendly male of about forty, soon appears. There is an unusual segment where unfinished buildings are seen. I mentally will most of the buildings to complete even though there are also several construction workers around.

I notice that the counter I had been at earlier is now nearly two stories high from what seems to be an outside area. several unfamiliar people are present, including the original unfamiliar female. There is the typical indoor outdoor ambiguity, where it seems I am inside and outside at the same time (a factor of the illusory nature of the dream state in semi-lucid understanding that I am actually inside a house in our bedroom). I slowly wake around this point.

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A checkout counter is common autosymbolism for the waking stage (a metaphor for leaving the dream state). In this case, there was no dominant preconscious factor or RAS mediation or modulation, as the checkout being beyond my reach was a precursor to sleeping for a few more hours.

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Morning of October 7, 2008. Tuesday.



I am standing near a river in late morning. A mist begins to grow and rise from the river. Later, it seems more like early evening.

Eventually, the mist is elsewhere with an undetermined orange light within it, implied to be like a miniature sun. Zsuzsanna is present at one point and some of the light within the mist shines through and augments her beauty. (I am unsure if the setting is implied to be indoors or outdoors, a common ambiguous factor of the dream state.)

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My dream begins with the common water induction (water being autosymbolism for entering the dream state, occurring as such at least once in every normal sleeping period for over fifty years). The mist symbolizes the essence of the dream state itself, which obscures the orb of light (conscious self identity). This is very similar to many previous dreams of which utilize the same autosymbolism, typical RAS mediation of which is similar to many dreams I have had about something being wrong with the sun, which is biological autosymbolism for my conscious self identity being incomplete while in the dream state.

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(The first two episodes of the fourth season of “Supernatural” aired the night before, included here for personal date-tracking purposes only.)

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Morning of February 10, 2018. Saturday.



These segments come from the last two hours or so of sleep, of which there are usually a dozen or more segments, not counting the circadian rhythms autosymbolism of which I rarely document anymore, as it is usually of the same imagery or implication (other than at 07 here).

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04. Zsuzsanna is in our bed, apparently sleeping, though it is on a beach. Ocean waves are rolling in, but not as a threat, more like associations with the healing nature of sleep (as water is autosymbolism for the dream state itself).

05. Three unknown girls are together, seemingly sharing one drink (in one glass) but they eventually start shifting identities and appearance too fast to really acknowledge with stable dream self focus, about one per second, which is usually an apex lucidity trigger. In this case, I feel that one may be meant to represent Zsuzsanna. However, upon approach, they are all mannequins, which is RAS autosymbolism from the dream self not having a real physical body, the same as with dolls and robots when rendered as such.

06. I am watching a gondola, trying to decide if I want to be in it, vaguely remembering the autosymbolism for going to another level of unconsciousness (and water reinduction).

07. I am standing at a window (perceived as our bedroom window), undressed, in semidarkness, looking through rattan blinds. I vaguely consider, in only partial lucidity, that this is “wrong”, without fully realizing that our bed’s head is adjacent to the window in reality (thus no place for me to stand), and that we no longer have the blinds after they were destroyed in the November storm that had torn the roof from our house. I have long believed that, other than prescient threads, dreams typically render everything wrongly so as the perceptions do not become a part of viable unconscious memory as in contrast to faux RAS-based memory, which is specifically used in RAS mediation (neural gating) for sleep-wake transitions. This is in contrast to all the people who write about the “subconscious”, of which nearly all that is written is based on incorrect beliefs or popular superstition.

11. I am somehow able to see my feet and legs through my bed sheet, which is transparent. Oddly, even though I had been lucid moments before, I am trying to assign this to a real-life featue. Meanwhile, I “remember” that Zsuzsanna is sitting on a beach, waiting for a healing ritual in sleep paralysis. (A beach is a liminal space transition between different levels of unconsciousness and is used as such in mastership meditation.)

12. I seem to be in Cubitis, and if so, it is likely implied to be a backroad between my old rural home and where I went to school in town. I watch a tortoise as it crosses the road, from my side to the opposite side (west to east). Eventually, four small flames emerge from the tortoise’s shell, one from where each leg had retracted. Apparently, it becomes a miniature version of Gamera (the otherwise giant flying turtle-like monster or kaiju from a series of Japanese films). (This is apparently a carryover from a dream of February 3, where a flame comes from each bottom corner of each boxcar that flies in the air. The association seems to be that, as turtles can symbolize the dream self as being asleep in reality, a boxcar is also a setting where people sleep, such as homeless people in transition. I had not made that obvious connection on February 3.) I look back to see tidal pools and recognize this as water lowering waking symbolism in addition to the return flight waking symbolism (most common form due to ambiguous vestibular system dynamics naturally triggered by being unconscious in REM.)

13. In my most vivid waking transition, I am in the backyard at Stadcor Street in Brisbane (Wavell Heights), where we have not lived in years. The backyard is bigger and the house is implied to be more north of a much wider side yard area at the south. There are also several trees throughout the backyard, of which were never there in reality. It seems to be early morning and is still somewhat dark out but clear enough to see most detail. I sense the waking alert factor (WAF) of RAS mediation (though in false lucidity, not active), but I wish to explore more. However, RAS will have none of that. A large cane toad is present as RAS. It becomes a pest. Vestibular system ambiguity becomes more dominant and the toad swells up like a puffer fish and moves through the air as if manipulated by a varying wind (but not very realistic, as it moves through the air too slowly to be a factor of wind). At one point, as it slowly randomly blows about in the air, yet I just happen to be in its path, the cane toad’s mouth makes contact with my hand. I continuously remain wary of it, and maintain focus on its parotoid glands, though I notice there is minimal bufotoxin already on its body. It is quite silly really; a puffed-up cane toad being carried about by a nearly non-existent wind and tapping against my arms or hands at times as if it was based on magnetism or as a metaphor of slowed film footage. (I guess it is better than being “surprised” by the core WAF as a vivid rendering of a snake, of which apes and even lemurs probably dream about a lot as well.) I eventually wake.

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Morning of February 9, 2018. Friday.



Today marks my 24th year in Australia and in being with the girl of my dreams, Zsuzsanna.

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I am going to try something new here. As I still have tens of thousands of dreams I have never posted online, including thousands from before I was even a teenager, I might try entries that include sequences of specific types in a series of no more than 12 for a specific part of the sleep cycle. Although I usually recall at least six longer dreams per normal sleeping time, there are many more of different but basic types that are mostly autosymbolic of the transitions between different times during sleep and of which I usually just pass through without drama. I am going to try this to see how it goes, randomly selecting dates, after this one, from over the last fifty years to see how the autosymbolic content has remained unchanged for the most part and perhaps note influences when I can. In some cases, I might include a very short summary of a dream I had already posted if it falls into the sequence of a certain dream type and time. The dreams are listed in reverse order, last one first. (Missing numbers are either related to private sections, abstract stages that cannot be described in words, or too long to post online.) (To quote the Yo-Yo man, “Try to remember everything you passed. But when you go back, make the first thing the last.”)

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12th There is one farmer working in a rice paddy. The water is lower when I look again later. (My dream self vaguely recognizes this as autosymbolism for the cessation of the dream state, water lowering waking symbolism, which has been as such since early childhood, having occurred as such through thousands of my dreams.) I do not speak to him but recognize the essence as RAS (personified preconscious). I eventually become aware that RAS has transmuted from a Filipino rice farmer into a Caucasian cowboy. He stands before a fence (my side), which is the division between dream self identity and conscious self identity, and I walk past him through an open part of the fence to wake. I do not speak to him, he nods, and I nod back. RAS mediation as utilizing a fence is less common than porches and doorways, or even parking lots, but does occur on a regular basis. RAS is typically more dominant or even aggressive when a porch is rendered as the waking space, probably because it implies that my dream self wants to remain “inside” for longer (that is, not wanting to wake yet).

11th I am walking over a large high truss bridge (unknown location) over water. I do not see any traffic. A bridge is autosymbolism for a transition in unconsciousness and the water lowers to become the rice paddy scene of the next segment.

08th I am walking through a circular tunnel, which I first consider, with a level of wariness, that it is the Large Hadron Collider. Still, it is mostly a featureless silver tunnel. I eventually consider it as just a transition between different levels of unconsciousness after briefly wondering if it is the inside of an airplane with no contents (including no seats or flat floor). There is sometimes a very vague sense of wariness when walking or sliding down through tunnels, not exactly claustrophobia (as I do not have this in waking life), just some sort of unusual level of awareness triggered by semi-lucidity. This is not usually the case with hallways of which are the same basic autosymbolism (dream state transition), though less transpersonal.

05th I usually have one dream per sleeping period that is either prescient or of another inexplicable factor. I am in the backyard of our present home and there is some sort of distorted event related to five cats in a large rectangular container full of dirt of which may be a plant pot. I get the impression they are not alive, being half-buried in the dirt, but the feature seems unusual. The cats are not fully grown. There is an odd impression that they might not be “real” cats, for example, a perception of thread instead of cat hair, and an odd sort of composition, and even separated “parts” of cats (though still five in total). After waking, Zsuzsanna had shown me an older cross-stitch she had done (of which she had taken out of a rectangular plastic box this morning, with no way of me knowing that she would be doing this). There were five cats on the item, with different coats, but each of the same appearance and sequence as each from my dream, though she had related the cross-stitch as being prescient of our final number of children and the ratio of girls to boys (based on the appearance of the cat’s coat as certain coats are only common to certain sexes, such as most gingers being male and most tortoiseshells being female). This does not mean there is any symbolic connection to my dream (that is, of the cats being linked to our children), as prescience and shared dreaming is often mixed in with other factors. The symbolism still validates the prescient connection, the cats being in a rectangular box, not being “alive”, and of an unusual appearance of thread (cross-stitch thread) mixed with hair.

02nd I mentally light a candle to see where I am (unrelated to the apnea events I experience very rarely, which is like mentally trying to will a candle flame back into existence with the fear it has gone out) and it is a small copper-walled room without much space. There is a focus on having recently taken the vocal out of David Essex’s “For Emily, Wherever I may find her”. “What a dream I had. Pressed in organdie. Clothed in crinoline…of smoky Burgundy. Softer than the rain.” Solely the isolated vocal plays from a gramophone, with an eerie echo. Sometimes when I strip the vocal out of a track in real life, it takes on a very unique quality, especially when I add certain kinds of reverb. I was thinking of using the isolated vocal in a new dub track I had already started (not for commercial purposes of course).

00 Induction stage. I walk down steps with the intention of going deeper into the dream state. They are outdoor concrete stairs in an area near buildings of which are covered with vines. When I was very young, I learned to manipulate levels of unconsciousness by going up or down stairs in dreams (in both lucid and non-lucid situations, as I have recognized dream symbolism for so long, I was manipulating it at six years of age - which eventually became non-lucid habit), which is autosymbolism for traversing the specific level of unconsciousness (and is used the same way in hypnosis and meditation). Outdoor stairs are sometimes modeled after the ones in Veterans Memorial Campground in West Salem (Wisconsin), where I sometimes spent time as a young boy.

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Morning of February 6, 2018. Tuesday.



In this dream, I sustain the water induction stage and create the concept of a world flood, but I am mainly focused on how many different ways the dream state can render it wrongly while remaining vivid and while I remain at least partly lucid.

The setting seems to be a large city. I have a lot of fun walking and running on the surface of the ocean and riding the tidal waves toward the city, which is mostly already covered by floodwaters. I also go underwater at times (though my dream self can always breathe underwater, as it is just the dream state and the dream self’s “physical body” is just an illusion anyway).

There are some obvious errors in rendering which I focus on with amusement.

At one point, I am swimming, but the water’s surface seems solid, though soft. Still, I slide over it on my stomach, somewhat unrealistically. In the distance, I see the tops of skyscrapers, though barely visible, emerge from the water and then sink again. This is based partly on the slope of the water’s surface changing at times.

At another point, I realize that the skyscrapers are miniature buildings. Some of them are not even as wide as my computer desk but imply a number of windows on each side. Still, I see them as normal buildings. Lesser waves, caused by my swimming, the water dynamics being far more realistic at this point, hit the buildings and I hear glass breaking, with the illogical impression that the small pieces of glass are going down to the bottom (inside) floors of the skyscrapers. I find interest and enjoyment in this situation for several minutes (mainly because it is the semi-lucid dream state and I can create and destroy whatever I want, the breaking glass sometimes sounding more like wind chimes).

At another point, I find amusement in how there is a dry area between a number of miniature buildings (again, still implied to be a real and normal-sized city) with the water somehow kept back by an invisible wall in this particular area (at least one city block implied), though it is not perceived as an invisible wall by my dream self, only an erroneous dream rendering, which I actually start to make fun of in my dream. That is, I am making fun of the dream state and its inability to be consistent or render the setting realistically in this particular case, actually speaking aloud (my dream self’s voice that is) to the dream itself.

I play around with the setting and various dynamics for a long time before waking. I mentally will new buildings to appear at times, and then bring the floodwaters to them. There is no evidence that the city is inhabited by miniature people. I am the only one present in my dream manipulation. There is not even any indication of RAS mediation, dominant or otherwise (though this is mainly because it is not the last dream of the sleeping period, where things like needing to wake and go to the bathroom are not yet dominant factors).

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Morning of December 20, 2010. Monday.



This is a short summary of one segment only.

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On a clear mid-afternoon, I am at the top of a high hill upon which there are no manmade buildings or vehicles. I am in a peaceful field with green knee-high grass. There is a verdant forest on two sides, the one to my left being denser. A young girl (who is likely a young version of Zsuzsanna) of about ten, dressed in informal clothes including blue jeans, approaches from the sparser forest and cheerfully starts talking to me. She has binoculars and wants me to look through them. Looking through the binoculars after she passes them to me from my right, I see a large American eagle. It flies in various directions at about three different distances. After time passes, the eagle lands on a branch and looks in my direction, but not continuously. The binoculars seem to dissolve in my hands after it has landed on the branch. Eventually, time seems to pass, though only about fifteen minutes, and yet the girl seems a few years older when I see her again. She stands, holding a tall narrow wooden staff, in the middle of a white sandy pathway with trees on each side.

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This is RAS mediation via the personified preconscious as remaining passive (due to my willingness to watch the eagle through the girl’s prompting) for the rectification of vestibular system ambiguity (preparatorily symbolized by the eagle) in semi-lucidity. The field is autosymbolism for liminal space and the pathway is the emergent consciousness conduit. Being on the hill is autosymbolism for being closer to full consciousness. Zsuzsanna typically appears in my dreams more to my left if she is still asleep and to my right when she is awake, especially if up and walking around. This may be due to sleeping on my left side with my right side openly exposed to my real environment, where RAS mediation is dominantly directed. This is virtually the same waking symbolism, though with different details, as early childhood dreams, including the “Patches” series. It is in direct contrast to “Two Intruders Give Me a Talon” from 2015, where the dominant preconscious comes into liminal space, autosymbolized as the porch of our current home, to force me to grow a condor-like talon on my right hand for the non-lucid metaphorical rectification of vestibular system ambiguity, which is the biological factor of falling and flying dreams. Resupplemented Saturday, 27 January 2018.

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2010DEC20(L3.1) Foundational affirmation: “I am the continuity of my greatest strength and most beneficial viewpoint.”

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Morning of January 25, 2018. Thursday.



I am sitting up in a bed in an open field of waist-high grass. In the distance, the field seems to have a cliff that probably overlooks a ravine. There are beautiful mountains beyond. Two white storks walk by, about ten feet away, to my right.

I am thinking of happily running through the field and flying over the ravine (as I have done in dreams since childhood), but my combination of lucidity and dream state indicator (the bed), slowly pulls me back into consciousness. RAS mediation is passive, as I have known and mostly grown used to vestibular system symbolism since early childhood - other than my walking in the city and tripping on something dreams that have occurred every sleep since childhood (and I was already actively linked to the dream state indicator, so no falling sensation either).

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Although the birds are a common form of autosymbolism for both vestibular system ambiguity and being unconscious, they are walking here, technically a form of return flight waking symbolism that has occurred in many past dreams (and they seem to be the very common paired preconscious and emergent consciousness factors here, though they might additionally be associated with Zsuzsanna and I in dream sleep - though I had dreams like this before I met Zsuzsanna). Additionally, the field is a type of autosymbolism for liminal space, though less common for me then porches, parking lots, or store checkouts, all of which signify a specific level of unconsciousness and circadian rhythms factors (which I validated as such as far back as age eight, even before I had studied hundreds of similar dreams over the years).

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Morning of January 24, 2018. Wednesday.



I find myself in an extremely vivid lucid dream. I am in a large unfamiliar enclosed porch, mostly empty other than a big table I am sitting at, where my computer is. My computer keyboard has several inches of space in front of it (whereas in real life, my computer keyboard’s closest side to me is right at the edge of my desk). I am aware of Zsuzsanna in a room to my right, though I do not see her. I see the doorway, but I mostly sit in semidarkness. (Of course, a porch is autosymbolism for liminal space, my most common setting of this nature since childhood, occurring in at least one dream per several days for over fifty years.)

I marvel at the level of realistic detail. I think about typing on my computer’s keyboard, but unusual features come into play. Firstly, I have an association with the Caps Lock to my left. After a short time, there are two small padlocks, more like holographic images, appearing on the two lowest left keys. They are on their sides with the shackles facing me. I find this curious and puzzling.

Although doorway waking symbolism is implied as a precursor, and being to my right (typical waking symbolism orientation), I start to focus on my left side. I eventually see my detached fingers moving over the keyboard, though more as a semitransparent hologram of which is additionally implied to be some sort of optical illusion. I am in awe over this imagery. My detached glowing ghostly fingers float closer to my “real” (dream self’s) hand (where I also see that I have normal fingers, so the detached ones are indeed implied to be some sort of optical illusion). I try to make the connection to real life, failing to understand this type of imagery is only possible in the dream state.

I slowly begin to become more baffled by the vividness of my dream. It seems to surpass many previous levels of lucidity (though not with certain dreams, such as the quetzal and rooster one from March 1986, which had several astounding prescient threads in one dream). More so, I actually start to focus on the orientation of my real physical body and can even seem to “feel” (or sense) the real left side of my face. However, instead of the occasional absentminded folly of wondering if my physical body is somehow walking around in traffic as I am in my dream, I vividly remain aware of the left side of my face being on my pillow. I become focused on trying to make sure my dream self remains in a “safe” position, with a slight concern about the pillow cover being closer to my mouth. However, there is no actual feature or direct tactile impression or more vivid tangibility as such, as it seems to be on a different inexplicable level of awareness. This has no effect on the level of vividness. It is odd (and eventually distracting) trying to associate the essence of my dream self’s left side of my face (which I can feel and am fully aware of) with my real physical body’s left side of my face. I am so amazed by my situation, I do not think of inducing a new scenario or going through the doorway, which in some cases intensifies my level of lucidity rather than causing me to wake (though apex lucidity is typically only triggered if there is an actual door to open). I am also puzzled by why I am not hearing the hammering next door (as they are putting a new roof on that house, which was damaged when our roof was torn off and part of it went through theirs). However, when I wake, they had been taking a break. (They started about six in the morning.)

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Morning of January 14, 2018. Sunday.



On the threshold of doorway symbolism (a door being a liminal space divider between the dream self and the conscious self), by which I always either leave the dream state or trigger a higher level of lucidity, I focus on an antique bronze lion face door knocker (lucidity stabilizer which also gives respect to the nature of RAS mediation). Placing my hand upon it, I feel a curious vibration, with a vague awareness of humming. (This is a common perception in dreams of augmented awareness.) It vibrates a bit more when I touch more of it. I feel very aware, secure, and loved.

Thinking back to a vivid childhood dream, the lion head becomes a triceratops head. I consider the horns as being an odd feature for a door knocker, but it does not concern me. I move my hand over it and it recedes into the door itself (a possible influence from the pin art desk toy that our youngest son owns).

I become aware of liminal space to a greater extent, the autosymbolism being a parking lot (a very common liminal space marker for me since childhood). I see a large metal model of a triceratops in the area. As I focus on it more deliberately, it becomes “alive” to some extent (emergent consciousness factor). It reminds me vaguely of a Transformer (Dinobot “Slug”), and speaks in a layered metallic voice (though I do not grasp the words, though I get the impression it relates to my physical body; my muscles or cells). However, without paying much notice to the waking transition, it resolves as being our youngest son, cheerfully talking about Transformers in his normal human voice. My dream brought me comfort and no dominant or aggressive RAS mediation was rendered (due to my willingness to let my dream fade on its own). (This relates to the “transformation” of the dream self back into the conscious self identity.)

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This dream’s autosymbolism that represents the waking process is the same theme as various past dreams since early childhood, where the RAS mediation factor, starting out as potentially threatening, transforms more smoothly into the human emergent consciousness factor. (The supposed potential “threat” is often only by implication of its form, not necessarily with my dream self seeing it as such. One example is the dream where I had a passive pet tiger that eventually became anthropomorphic and slowly transformed into Charles Bronson who I talked to in friendly conversation, also ending near a parking lot. Another example is the dream where I stared down a lion in the living room until it became an unknown male that I had a conversation with.)

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Evening of January 11, 2018. Thursday.



This is from a shorter nap this evening, which is typically more vivid and with a direct awareness of what my dream is doing symbolically (especially in lucidity).

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I am lucid, though not with the conscious control factor, as I allow myself to comfortably drift in liminal space. I am in the higher liminal space, just on the threshold of vaguely perceiving my real environment, thus the symbolism is inherent to this state, which uses a common liminal space divider as the neural pattern representation, which is a wooden fence. I focus on the gate and notice the top hinge is missing (which symbolizes the event horizon of dream state cessation). I feel like sleeping a few minutes longer to sustain my dream and its vividness, so I find myself with a hammer and start nailing a small stick into the area where a hinge would otherwise go. However, this also implies that the gate might not feasibly open, at least normally. Still, my dream self vividly announces, “It might be all right.“

Even so, my realization of the symbolism’s meaning causes a simultaneous shift, though without spontaneous muscle response (as is otherwise sometimes the case). I now become aware, in an offset dream, of a section of gate in undefined space. It is floating vertically, not attached to anything. I catch myself saying, “Steve…are you aware of what’s going on?” and wake. (This is me attempting to communicate with RAS - Reticular Activating System, of which I am directly aware I am doing in this case, which is usually passive unless I have been sleeping longer in a normal sleeping period. Calling it Steve is just a randomly retrieved thread, as I had not thought of him recently.)

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Despite symbolism in dreams being directly related to the state of sleep induction, unconsciousness, and the waking transition (which most people in the world bizarrely fail to understand at all, including so-called experts and professionals), it does sometimes incidentally borrow from recent experiences at times (even including the most emotional situation seen on television when it otherwise has no relation or connection to waking life). Yesterday, I went to borrow a wheelie bin from the house next door, which is presently vacant, and found that the gate to the back yard was not feasibly set up. It did not seem to have proper hinges and just sat there in a vertical position, held by the bolt lock. (However, my dream’s gate was only about one-third the size and wooden, not metal like the real one.)

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The name I mention is a classmate’s, who I have not seen since 1976. (I have not even seen him on Facebook.) I do not actually see him in my dream but I do have an awareness of his memory as he was at around fourteen. Still, the main memory of him relates to childhood, where he wanted to quickly borrow a set of Whitman cards I had, which had an animation (on the back of them) when all the cards were flipped, which displayed a rabbit hopping into a hat, the hat moving about, and a dove flying out. He said that if I let him use the cards for a time, he would “like me forever” (and be my friend forever). Not believing a word of what he said, I still cheerfully let him have my cards. He immediately raced to the other side of the playground to show them to a girl. The girl seemed completely unimpressed and even annoyed, and just walked away. I found the scenario very amusing, but I never reminded him of it in all the time we were in school.

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Dream #NYMA54

Morning of January 1, 2018. Monday.

Reading time: 48 sec. Readability score: 63.



The fireworks from last night have left vibrant colors remaining in the clouds at dawn, mostly orange and yellow “embers.” I am wondering how long these residual dynamics will last; perhaps another day.

I approach the sun on the horizon. The “horizon” is suddenly in front of me. It is then not the sun. It is a big yellow sunflower. Its petals feel like the cloth of my pillowcase (lucid awareness of being asleep). (The color yellow correlates with the emerging consciousness process of the dream state. As a result, it can be deliberately used to induce or enhance lucidity.)

I walk on water, of unknown depth, back to our bedroom to wake for the day. The surface of the water replaces the level of the ground in our backyard; there is no implication of a flood. (These two factors have occurred regularly in my dreams for over fifty years. They are a result of being in the dream state. There is no meaning other than reactive representation in the dream state.)

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It is a first-level “return to bed” dream that also includes the daybreak representation, yellow as emerging consciousness, and most of my conscious self identity with no emergent consciousness simulacrum.

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