The Internal and Subconscious World of DropTherapy

I had a dream earlier this morning where my mom's physical condition became progressively worse and it made me anxious about if it's even possible to live independently anymore. After I woke up, Aaron mentioned we could move to the Netherlands if push comes to shove but I'd miss my friends

My friend Chris has his own local tabletop RPG going from within our friend group irl called space D&D, which as of writing this I have made a character for and have been excited to play, but it's kept getting delayed for whatever reason. In this dream, I was at my old house waiting for him to be online for it, working on my Scottish accent for the character I intended to play. I asked my fiance what he thought and he jokingly said it was a 5 or 6/10 accent. I was in the kitchen when I saw chris and a few other people on a call, so I excitedly bolted upstairs and got on the call while shouting "YEEEAAAAHHHH!!!". I joined as people were talking about their families, but I could tell something was off in their intonation, along with the fact that I didn't recognize a lot of the voices in the call. With this realization, I started to feel defeated and frustrated, because by this point I could tell none of this was real. I then woke up.

I was observing a wedding between a muslim woman and some white dude outside of the commissary where I work and it devolved into a debate on gay marriage. I was on my computer looking at the imaginary track "horns don't work" off of my actual 2017 album "another whisper in the wall" when someone (possibly the groom) came up to me and asked whar I thought, after which I had an intense mental breakdown where I expressed that I didn't care and just wanted to look at Reddit, which I was presently scrolling for memes about estrogen. Afterwards I was trying to find a good guitar tone for my new album because the night before irl I was watching a video where in the comments section they were talking about how a low gain guitar tone with a punchy kick drum and thick bass tone can sound super heavy. In the dream I was tweaking the track "answer the phone" off of my 2021 album "The Sawn Off Horn". For whatever reason, this was in a real life interface, for lack of a better term. I was outside a building and the different mixing channels that you would normally find in FL Studio were hidden inside bushes. Once I found the distortion plugin for the guitar, I woke up.

I remember that the dream involved me playing roblox harmlessly at first, however things quickly took a dark turn when I went to see four of my friends, one of which is one I have in real life.

For no particular reason, I started doing unspeakable things to them, depriving each of them of one of their five senses. One of them lost their hearing because I jammed a knife so far into their ear canal that I punctured the ear drum, one of them lost the ability to speak, and one of them was both deaf, blind, and mute, and possibly incapable of feeling anything. Another one was locked in a shower. For whatever reason, none of them reacted to any of this, and one of them seemed to almost enjoy it. After all was said and done, I kinda just left them there in the bathroom that this had been done in. My friend Ren was horrified by what I did and publicly called out not me but the action of what I did. No one else cared, but I felt guilty the entire time regardless. I remember going on an episode of either the Simpsons, Malcolm in the middle, or both to confess to my crimes, but I couldn't talk about it because they were only interested in things that would make them money, so hal talked with an interviewer in a kitchen about the time one of his kids did something stupid. Regardless, the whole ordeal was an experience of handling guilt. A few of the locations I was in included inside a giant hardware store-ish thing, outside a shopping center, in a bathroom, and on a TV set.

One of the people I desecrated looked like max, another like trinity, and another looked like a small electronica musician I saw live once. I feel horrible about all of this and would never wish harm on any of those people. One of them is a somewhat close friend, another one is extremely nice, and the musician seemed cool.

The fact that this dream was had after I started feeling like school was falling apart isn't a coincidence. I'm glad I have Aaron comforting me right now.

I had a funny dream this morning where a kid asked me out by giving me an apple and saying "hint hint", followed by him giving me another apple without saying anything after five seconds. I turned him down because he said he was 15 but he looked and sounded like he was 11. I was in a larger version of the school and had just gotten out of a classroom where mrs. Austin had long, pink hair and Edynn sat parallel to me.

The first dream involved some kind of deal at some guy's house in the neighborhood I grew up in. I remember a bike with no rider riding itself into me on the road. It seemed to turn the opposite direction of the one I turned, but I guess I decided to tackle it head-on like an idiot.

The second dream seemed a bit cut down the middle. One part was about helping my mom see which clothes would work for her. I'd put on the shirts and since we look so similar I guess, I'd make the judgement for her based on how I looked in it.

The second part was about an upcoming catastrophe where magma would erupt out of every hole in the ground and flood the earth. Our idea was to cover all of the holes except for one so that even if a large part of the earth was still scorched, there would at least be a safe zone on the other side of the planet. This mainly took place at my current school, and I remember sean from elementary and middle school texting me about something while I was trying to help not get myself killed.


There was a pink, thin long-sleeved shirt my mom didn't want to look good on her but it looked okay on me so I told her it somewhat suited her and she half-jokingly sweared under her breath.

The first dream involved some kind of deal at some guy's house in the neighborhood I grew up in. I remember a bike with no rider riding itself into me on the road. It seemed to turn the opposite direction of the one I turned, but I guess I decided to tackle it head-on like an idiot.

The second dream seemed a bit cut down the middle. One part was about helping my mom see which clothes would work for her. I'd put on the shirts and since we look so similar I guess, I'd make the judgement for her based on how I looked in it.

The second part was about an upcoming catastrophe where magma would erupt out of every hole in the ground and flood the earth. Our idea was to cover all of the holes except for one so that even if a large part of the earth was still scorched, there would at least be a safe zone on the other side of the planet. This mainly took place at my current school, and I remember sean from elementary and middle school texting me about something while I was trying to help not get myself killed.


There was a pink, thin long-sleeved shirt my mom didn't want to look good on her but it looked okay on me so I told her it somewhat suited her and she half-jokingly sweared under her breath.

I remember being in this sort of dream world where different passageways lead to different parts of the dream. In one faithful instance of stupidity, I found myself going through a tunnel with some people that lead to a relatively large, dark expanse and then coming out the other side alone. The setting I found myself in was a roller rink's food court/resting area, but minus the actual roller rink itself.

I tried to leave, but as I went further into the entrance I came through, I felt like I was being impeded by a stronger version of the same pitch black material that my trailer's blinds are made of. It felt as if I was completely enveloped in it the harder I tried to power through it. Eventually, I decided to call upon the help of a tall, vaguely emaciated looking figure who must have been the god of this realm. He told me that in order to get through, I needed to maintain a state of absolute calm, and only then will the passageways to other parts of the dream be opened to me.

I decided it was worth a shot. I walked in as far as I could, already missing whatever I was doing before I found myself in this predicament, laid down, took a few deep breaths, and suddenly I felt as if I was no longer being crushed like before. The first few attempts to leave were unsuccessful due to me losing my sense of calm and/or focus, but eventually I did make it to doorways that lead elsewhere.

The problem, however, is that none of these were desirable locations. A lot of them featured nightmarish creatures and dead ends, causing me to have to make it back to the roller rink area. A lot of them featured an entity resembling a very short old african american lady with no arms, although its human appearance was only a fluke. In actuality, it was as far removed from any kind of humanity as possible, acting either as a cunning, highly manipulative predator or a mindlessly cannibalistic one.

After what felt like at least an hour of searching, I made it to a small room with heavy green lighting and an old-fashioned wallpaper that featured vertical stripes and other decorative designs. The room itself was probably slightly larger than an average closet space, and across from me was a door that I presumed to at least lead to somewhere more feasible. The issue, however, was the presence right next to the door of an instance of the afforementioned creature and another, much larger and bulkier one that might have been wearing a tuxedo and had a face similar to the vaguely insmuth looking people from tool's music video for parabola. behind them was a chair and a few food bowls full of what looked like cat food.

I thought that maybe I could dart past them and open the door, however I didn't consider the possibility of it being locked, and once they spotted me, they both attempted to attack/take bites out of me, to which I got angry and adrenaline-filled and knocked over the chair and food bowls, eventually causing me to wake up. I remember thinking to myself, "oh thank god finally".

I remember talking to a couple of people from new zealand that I hadn't talked to since freshman year. They were about to enter a video call and when I asked if I could join they profusely apologized for not letting me on it back in freshman year.

Afterwards, I made my way to my trailer, where Edynn and her friend came around a couple of times when I wasn't looking. I remember one occasion that night in which I almost got to talk to Edynn but she ran off with a smaller version of herself and they had both changed their name to John. Whoever I was with gave me a cheap christmas decoration to hang up on the door while they played christmas music and by the time Edynn came around again I started jokingly doing devil horns with my hands to the music and headbanging. The person sitting in the driver's seat (guess my trailer became an RV?) Started honking the hilariously off-key horn. I laughed hysterically until I woke up, after which I'm I noted how non-hysterically I was actually laughing in real life and just how much I was drooling in my sleep.

This first fragment took place after another part of the dream. I was reading a webcomic with some live action elements until it slowly turned into peter griffin watching historical baseball games in an isolated room.

The next fragment featured me and Chris in what looked like someone's back yard. They were advertising a product meant for motor vehicles from around the 1920's and 30's. When I was explaining this to Chris, I pointed to an old rusty broken down Ford truck from that time period that was directly across from us. There was also a large, hollow green plant that I tried using as pants but there was only one leg's worth and it didn't fit me anyway.

In the next part, me, Chris, and some other people were in a band, and we were going to play Lake Song by Window Girl at an open mic night. Before we played we went around a local shopping center looking for stuff. I remember there being a store for highly advanced watches, although everything was out of my price range.

Eventually me and Chris were at my work and I was on my computer looking for files on it. There were some cursed creepypasta type videos for some reason, along with some older videos from the early to mid 20th century. I then realized that I was in the public documents section and went to my own private files and found what I was looking for, which was one of our work in progress original songs. He said the subject matter was a lot darker than what he usually likes and I took the feedback. After reviewing it with chris, he left and went back to the rest of the band.

Sometime before he left, he said the open mic night started at 7:30PM. It was just before then that I realized that I can't sing and play at the same time, no matter how simple the bass line to Lake Song is. I started panicking, frantically texting chris and pacing around my work's warehouse until he said they'd just cover something without me, which if I remember correctly, actually stressed me out way more.

Somehow this led to a totally unrelated fragment where I was a male asian doctor partaking in experiments that were being done on me. There was a chair with mutiple different settings on the side that I was asked to sit in among a room of researchers that treated me like a colleague except for the head researcher. I sat in the chair and the head researcher turned it on, which caused a lot of electricity to be expelled. I frantically got out after seeing what settings were there, which included "autistic", the R slur, and something else. I told him that I was already autistic and he said "well that explains why your ex fiance was your husband", or some more coherent yet somehow harder to remember form of that. The researchers all got mad at him and started to speak up about the homophobic remarks.

In this new dream, I was in a fancy castle of some kind. It was a very racist and generally bigoted one with a lot of rules, not all of them inherently racist. I remember breaking a few, and after I broke one about associating with a black person, a chase started. I don't particularly remember if I was caught but I remember this sequence of events happening again a few times. The group they sent to capture me was associated with either Dead Space or some other similar game. Eventually, I learned how to fly and took that to my advantage. Once that happened, the dream took a weird turn in which I was both simultaneously flying and viewing myself in third person in a way that implied that I wasn't the character that learned to fly. The people chasing me went from dead set on capturing me to just annoyed that I was flying. Under me I had some computer code or something while I was flying among voxelated forests. I remember eventually learning how to fly really fast by diving down on occasion. Eventually that stopped and it was back to first person where I was getting ready to find the headquarters of the people associated with dead space. A guy was briefing me on the mission and then I woke up.

I remember being out in the parking lot of some place with my mom's boyfriend's car. I had to go and get something and when I returned a shorter mexican person told me it was being impounded again. I freaked out and started crying profusely, thinking about what my mom or her boyfriend would say considering in the dream we had just gotten the car out. He said I could make an appeal to get it sooner and until then there was a guy who drove a truck who I could call to get to school beforehand. That person came in and it turned out to be an acquaintance from sophomore year of high school. They said "hi Madison", and then left.

We were at the park in my trailer park. My mom was taking care of baby ducks and her boyfriend convinced me and her to get into a cardboard airplane and fly around. That didn't last long, though, because my mom had to get back to tending to the ducks and her boyfriend had to disappear somewhere else, so I decided after being freaked out, I would be the one controlling the plane. I flew a dosen feet over the trailer park and blasted a song from kill 'em all by metallica. Eventually I started to lose control a bit so I had to go back down. My mom was at the park telling someone why she had these ducks. She said something like "I started a chicken coup because I felt bad about accidentally starting a military coup"

I was messing with a really advanced 3D art program from 1994. It creates realistic clay sculptures out of sketches/outlines.

Afterwards, I was talking to grandma about her death. I asked her if she knew she had dementia and there was a really long pause. A photo of me from when I was younger changed progressively after I asked this question from youthful happiness to surprise/fear. I was heading to the parking lot and talking to my mom about a photo of me from a timeline where I didn't transition afterwards, and I look like an out of proportion, uglier version of anthony green.

Afterwards, we were on a car ride to my therapist's office that lasted quite a while. Once I got there, I saw a variety of staff, including the manager from work most people don't like. Her and a few other people were instructing a class full of people from different dimensions where certain countries were the world superpower. I was the US, there was a gay kid from the Canada universe, etc. The Canadian kid, who looked between the ages of 14 and 36, really showed an interest in me, as he kept talking to me. He was trying to tell me something but I cut him off with a firm and flat "I know". I then apologized.

During the lecture, he wrapped his arm around my stomach and pulled me closer, although I resisted this and escaped his grip. When the therapists and whatnot left, I used that time to check my phone to see if the person on the SCP foundation wikidot site I had asked to take a look at my idea had responded. He did, saying "I can't. I have a lot scheduled with friends, sorry". His forum signature was a graphic with four colorful cartoon dolphins overlapping each other. The instructors came back in and the lecture continued.

I was messing with a really advanced 3D art program from 1994. It creates realistic clay sculptures out of sketches/outlines.

Afterwards, I was talking to grandma about her death. I asked her if she knew she had dementia and there was a really long pause. A photo of me from when I was younger changed progressively after I asked this question from youthful happiness to surprise/fear. I was heading to the parking lot and talking to my mom about a photo of me from a timeline where I didn't transition afterwards, and I look like an out of proportion, uglier version of anthony green.

Afterwards, we were on a car ride to my therapist's office that lasted quite a while. Once I got there, I saw a variety of staff, including the manager from work most people don't like. Her and a few other people were instructing a class full of people from different dimensions where certain countries were the world superpower. I was the US, there was a gay kid from the Canada universe, etc. The Canadian kid, who looked between the ages of 14 and 36, really showed an interest in me, as he kept talking to me. He was trying to tell me something but I cut him off with a firm and flat "I know". I then apologized.

During the lecture, he wrapped his arm around my stomach and pulled me closer, although I resisted this and escaped his grip. When the therapists and whatnot left, I used that time to check my phone to see if the person on the SCP foundation wikidot site I had asked to take a look at my idea had responded. He did, saying "I can't. I have a lot scheduled with friends, sorry". His forum signature was a graphic with four colorful cartoon dolphins overlapping each other. The instructors came back in and the lecture continued.