side notes

I had a lucid dream. It was fairly vivid.
I was in the middle of a dream when it started to shift and I realized whats up. Then It shifted and now I was infront of my house, late evening. It was getting dark, I looked around asking questions for some reason.
I looked back, the buildings looked a bit different as I expected, I couldnt see clearly.
Anyhow, I tried to manipulate the dream and tested this invisible keyboard, cause I theorized that associations are the best sources to manipulate dreams, but it didnt work, I wanted to make it daytime again I think.
Then I tried to fix my vision, it was like I had no glasses on, so I tried another association, I imagined there is a focuser on the side of my head, and turned it and I almost got a good focus, but then it also stopped working and reverted to glassless focus.
And then I woke up.


So I theorized that associations are the best sources to manipulate dreams. Which partly worked, the first attempt didnt, then the second one kinda did, but then it stopped working.
I'd like to look more into it, come up with new experiments.

It started with a normal dream of going to work, me and me dad and his friend got off of a train, it was some kind of futuristic train station, we were going to work
Then went downstairs where the stairs were empty at times
But I was always lucid somewhat
When we got down there things were different it was like a scene from my old school life blended in
That's when I started to dig down into my negative feelings, mostly of how I didn't get a girlfriend in school in high school etc. I started to hear and see alternate stories of the same things, I became my alternate selves, re living their bitterness, or that was my dream memories, and just got deeper and deeper until I accepted death wholly or something similar to that
And then I was at home , or at least at some kind of level, with no hope and kind of consumed by hopelessness, I went out and the sky was covered in storm clouds, like multiple thick layers of cumulo nimbi only lighted by a light source high up in the sky, it was like a painting, it was beautiful,
Then I was ready, for the unknown, usually I don't engage with scenes like that in a dream or so that's what I thought, but this time I didn't give a damn
I knew there was something there, the place represented my mind my whole being I think I'm not sure,

So then I said hello? Come on take me. My voice was weak but it echoed everywhere.
And as I embraced the sky I rose up into the sky and started spinning slowly , and my whole body was overcome with this feeling of healing and comfort, and I heard an upbeat kind of ambient music and I started to have some kind of monologue about the death of the suffering, and how I set it off and someone named mark
The sky cleaned up and it was a warm blue sky and I floated there, marinating in healing energy
And then I heard my mom's voice, but it wasn't real because she is still sleeping

side note: my feet need cold water, they heat up a lot and causes me to wake up, but some cold water calms my nerves down like nothing else in the world and then I sleep like a baby

It all started with me doing something that I knew I couldn't do in real life
or so the sense of limitlessness was the main hint for me

So when I came to, I tried my usual routine of trying to stabilize
I was at home ofc, and it didn't work, the dream started to fall apart, the usual "fog" started to take over
That's when it randomly came, Instead of tactile I focused on visuals, the colors and the detail around me
And it all came back
and for the first time in my dream-life , I left my house
And it tried to fall apart 2 or 3 times until I got to the streets but I did the same again, and it worked
after that things got blurry for me for a minute or a half, and somehow I was at a meat factory that was supposedly in the next street
I met my old friend there, he was working there, and he was younger now, looked totally different than irl, more like when we were in high school
I was like "man , this is a dream ,this is not real, stop for a moment look at me, this is a dream", he was kinda suprised and a bit annoyed, as if I'm hallucinating or something
then we went out, I observed the streets , it was night, the sun was about to rise, but the stars were still shining bright, I looked at the cars passing by, it was kind of vivid.
That's when I woke up, after 4-5 minutes of time I bought with this trick, the fog now took over, and I felt that I have to wake up now.



note: potential discovery is that focusing on the visuals around you might stabilize dreams or bring it,and yourself back from the waking process
although I can't tell if that was a full dream or a very late morning hypnagogic session, it was over 10 am so I can't tell if it would work in a mid REM dream the same way
also somehow I just can't seem to find the ideal time to try lucid dreaming, in teh morning, whether I wake up at 4-5-6 am, I'm just always unable to go back to sleep if I dont completely let go of myself

My dream recall's been getting better ..this morning I remembered 2 dreams , ones from my first sleep, then the second one that was after I fell back asleep...
First dream was about a show that documents weird, eccentric people, I was in the show as interviewer... the guy I was interviewing was a cyborg I think, he looked like he's in his 30's ,living in an attic
asked him ,whats weird about him
-if I told you , you wouldn't believe it.
-but what is it ?
-I live as 3 age groups at the same time

Then a supposed grandpa enters
"hello grandpa"
he looks just like him , the same cyborg features around the eyes , the same face structure... I was like wtf
we tried to talk to him too, but he was way too eccentric... He had hand prosthetics that broke easely, and he broke them right infront of us just for the sake of it...then went into another room to fix his hands..
I said " dude should get plastic hands, or something more durable"
to this he dashed out and said " did you just intentionally kill yourself?" as if suggesting to him to get more durable hands was a deadly mistake...
he walked towards me , and I was like " OK NO NO SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO " then he threw a plastic shelf at me or something and went back in ...


Second dream was about tornadoes
A "hurricane" was approaching the suburbs I was living in
I don't remember much
but when it was arrived , it was an amazing sight, I had a vivid vision, no better way to describe this ,I seen it in 4k , as tornadoes where whirling around the mesocyclone right above me but somehow didnt hit me
I ran into a restaurant, hide under the counter ,then it came, one tornado struck the place I was in , things, and people were flying around, but it looks like the crew survived, then I continued running towards my home...

In my dream it was early morning, I was walking around the room... then the sun rised, and went back, now that was suspicious to me.
Instead of a reality check , I simply used telekinesis to levitate a book, it worked, I realized I'm dreaming.
Then I woke up because my back hurt from sleeping too much.

note:
So I guess I'm finally making some progress...but I got to make it so that my back don't hurt. Maybe work out?
But I guess sleeping at 8-10 am isnt healthy so I have to keep going with my thorough rc technique, which has been unsuccesful so far...
Maybe I could just get up early for a few days then try once ....
Idk...

So I did a wild, easy entry. Was listening to one of those ambient space noise on youtube through my phone.
At first the dream was very unstable, I didnt gain full form, nor did the enviroment so I stopped and stayed still.
Then, as if I was summoned into a world like in dark souls 3 , I rose out of my bed , on a torso level, somehow stepped out of bed. And checked out my room.
My sight was very clean, there wasn't anything weird, exept that some of the stuff in the room was arranged in a very strange order. Also the tv was much tinier.
But I couldn't move fast ,or else I would lose my sight, my eyeballs were hard to move , I felt heavy pressure and it was like if my eyeballs were always moving in one direction unless I changed it.
So I slowly moved out of the house, and I saw that the street was also kind of different. It felt kinda uncomfortable so I decided to let go of it.
I ran and jumped on top of the roof of the house infront of my house, and then I lied there and the dream dissipated.

It was strange. The visuals were clear , but I didnt dare to do anything else or else the dream wouldve fallen apart. Or so I thought.

So I was in one of these pubs\taverns where alcoholists go usually... my friend was there and I told him to get out of there cuz its a toxic place , but he insisted on staying and drinking more
then some alcoholic said something to me ,interfering
and thats when I had enough...why even hide my thoughts from anyone, I should say what I think.... I hate all these people ,all useless recluses ..
I told him to fuck off , then everyone else started to look at me , and then I was like yeah actually All of you can fuck off
and flipped the finger at everyone , everyone erupted , and then I left the place.
I thought I'd be attacked but nothing happened...

After a somewhat subconscious,passive initiation of WILD I found myself in a paralysis, in which I didn't realize that I'm already dreaming.
It wasn't very intense, and I thought this would be the end of it, and I would wake up but despite this I kept waiting.
There was a bit of pressure in my head ,and the usual loud noise, I started to see through my eyelids.
Actually I was already in a dream that time I think, since I was lying in the other bed, not the one I lied back in this morning, but I didn't realize that then.
So I got up and it was kind of vivid but unstable, thought why not, I'll just try to jump through the window. It didn't go well. I thought this will be the end of it ,but I held hands together and concentrated,
maybe a new dream will start, and that's when it happened.
I found myself in the middle of a green pasture, nice green hills around, perhaps even mountains. EVERYTHING was vivid and clear, I couldn't believe my eyes, it was all vivid, from my toes , to the horizon, the sun was shining, the plants , everything made sense, there was no random patterns or fuzzyness. Everything was as vivid as this reality. I was amazed but I kept my cool, walked around . THere were some gardeners working.
I walked towards the nearby forests. The dream switched again. I did the same and waited. and now I was in a night time party scene ,somewhere in a city.
I kept repeating "clarity" until everything was back to usual. I met some drunk british chav who wanted to fight me for some reason to which I just smashed a bowl on his head, then his taller friend (who was not a chav) came and then the chav knocked him out with some object and said something funny...
I then went around and came to a room, looked more like a classroom, there was a woman..looked kinda like Meghan Markle but was shorter and had freckles.
I asked her if she knows that this is a dream...before she could answer the connection was cut , and I woke up


but damn, everything was so vivid and so real, I've been to another world for a brief time
I think this "stillness of mind" I've developed in the last few weeks may have contributed
Also my recall is terrible, even if I just woke up a few minutes ago as I write this , I already forgot a lot

I tried to have a WILD this morning but fell asleep instead, but nevertheless I had a dild upon having a hand rc and realized I'm dreaming, although it was more of a semi lucid state. I knew that I'm dreaming but thats all that I knew, and wasn't really conscious of anything else at this point.
I was outside infront of my house under a large tree. I started to use the force to move the branches around, I finally succeeded. I regained my connection to the force. I felt this intense vibration in my hands, head and in the air as I stretched my hand out to the large branch of tree , it was something special.
Then I thought it's time to do something. So I started to go towards the local mall, for some reason that seemed to be a nice place to experiment around.
On the way out I met with my friend, so we decided to go together there.. First I thought I'd jump on one of the cars to ease our transportation since walking is a bit hectic, especially in a lucid dream.
the place was vacant, it was winter, snow covered the streets. the sky was almost pink . There was some sorts of barricade of cars there, we started to climb through the debris , then we were ambushed by what I suspected to be a krayt dragon, or some sort of dragon ,it was thin but nevertheless big and caused much panic.
I reacted quickly I waved hand signs and blew fire onto the dragon, it seemed to have hurt it and it went away...I was like "damn ,even my fire element ability has came back too!"

After that my lucidity really faded and I lost recall

It all started with a brief paralysis I had. I woke up from it so I thought no LD today either, and went to sleep normally.
The coming dream is hazy for me so I don't remember much. But I know that there was this girl whos presence brought me some kind of peace and for this I started to speculate
that this girl may be god or a form of a higher force, and that I may learn something important from her , so I tried to get near her to talk to her
That's when it started
I found myself at home, figured I woke up , then I went to look out the windows and saw that there are no streets anymore anywhere,
just endless heaps of trash, and endless amount of trash men picking up stuff. Also there was a mild fog .
I didn't become lucid yet, but I found it weird that there are no streets. Then I woke up again, I don't know how many times I woke up, but things got more creepy and grotesque and darker.
And then I ended up in what I call the shadow realm. I kind of became lucid because I realized its morning in real life , but here there was total darkness.
the lights in teh whole house were flickering , giving a deeper orange faint light with a reddish hue , I felt like theres a dark presence in the dream the whole time but nothing turned up.
I went to door to check out the street, it was like in real life but all the lights were off ,so it was just total darkness with a little bit of a faint red light coming from the sky, I could barely see anything.
But I saw that there are shadows 'dancing' all over the street, but none of it attacked me or anything. I quickly closed the door and went back in. I didn't know what to do.
I said that I guess I'm like Alan Wake , stuck in a dream, never knowing if I actually got out or if it's another dream.
𐤏𐤄𐩤𐤐 𐤁ߣ𐩤ߖߖ𐤏 𐤓𐤏𐤓 ߡ 𐤓𐤁𐤓 𐤅ߡ 𐩤ߖߖ 𐤂𐩪ߖ ߡ 𐤓𐩪𐤉ߖ𐤄

I entered the room laid down and tried to wake up
from there on my recall gets bad again
I woke up a few times in another instances of my home , once I woke up for real and then slipped back into the shadow realm then at a point I thought I'm done for, and prayed
and then I finally woke up

It was my first instance of being unable to wake up, it was really weird and scary...

𐤐ܴ𐩴𐩴ܴ𐩪 𐤍𐩤𐤉ܱ𐤍𐩤𐤃 𐤓݈𐩪𐤏𐩧ܱ 𐤓ܱ𐤄ܱ𐤐𐤍ܱ𐤏 𐩪ܷ𐤀𐤍ל
𐤓 𐤀ܱ𐤐ܱ𐩪ל𐤘𐤃𐤍 ל𐤃 𐩨ܱ𐤏𐤐 𐤅𐩪ܷ𐤐𐤍ܴ𐤏 𐤉ܴ 𐤁ܱ𐩪ܱ𐤏ל𐤅𐤐𐤍 𐤒ܴ𐩪ܷ𐩧𐤐ܴ𐤉𐤍ܴ𐤏
𐤏𐩤𐤃𐤍ܱ𐤍𐩧𐤍 𐤁𐤃𐤍𐩪ܱ𐩴 𐩴𐩤𐤐𐤃𐤍 𐤓ܱ𐩪𐤃𐤄 𐤅𐩪
𐤅𐤃 𐤒𐩤𐤐𐤓ܱ 𐤉𐩪𐩴𐤄𐤐𐩪 ל𐤃 𐤓݈𐩪𐤏𐤉𐤄
𐤅ܴ𐤘 𐤅ܴ𐩴 ל𐤐݈𐤃𐤍ܴ𐤃𐤍

I was looking for this girl...but I didn't know where to look for her.
then at a point , in the dream I was in this village that for some reason felt a bit like those dangerous neighborhoods, and also knew that she lives there
at a point someone told me that she goes to this psychologist who conducts crazy experiments with her on some rooftop in a warehouse
me and and some other guy from the village went around ,we didn't know what to do, but then we looked up the places in the village on google , and there was a private detective office
we went there , and the guys spoke a scandinavian language, which I could mostly understand somehow... We asked whats the address of the psychologist and they quickly found it on the internet ,gave us name , number ,and address too ... So we paid them and went on our way to find out what the hell is going on there.
We stumbled upon an abandoned looking warehouse, there wasn't really a roof ,it was open to the air , there was a ramp there instead that controlled two panels that seemed to be the roof
we went up there and we found nothing.... I thought there's no session ,or this place is a fake address....but then I saw a control panel on the ramp ,and pressed it .
The roofs moved and there were perforations in it, little protrusions or holes on which you can climb up or down. And the two halves of the supposed "roof" could be moved in different ways ,but it was really dangerous , if you were to let go of it , you would've fallen into the lower floor of the warehouse. There were only two stages that you could land on if you jumped ...
And then it clicked, this is the experiment, the psychologist uses this to challenge the patients in physical challenges and place them in danger in order to harden their mind in critical situations...I could see in some kind of vision that sometimes they even threw off bombs into the deep and watch them explode in the air .
Then somehow I found myself on the wall, some cartoon characters appeared and fired bombs on me to get me off the wall... I somehow managed to evade most of them and get back on the ramp on the top..
And then we booked it . I was planning to observe the place from somewhere else ,or come back when they are there .... but then I woke up.

At morning I was really cozy in bed ,so I thought I'll just attempt a wild and try to find that sweet point of balance between consciousness and relaxation...
And somehow I found that goldilocks zone of WILD.
I observed that when I fall asleep it feels like if my eyeballs get under a gentle pressure ,and it feels like I'm focusing into the far horizon of space... and thats when things start to form, and then suddenly I found myself in an empty room.
The dream was lackey still butI didnt care, I called out for N ...repeated her name a few times , thought of her, and then the dream dissolved and I floated up into this kinda fog, void...and started to see a picture...of a room, a messy one, and a door infront opening to another room...and then something else I don't remember... And then I found myself again in an empty house, I went out and found myself in a suburban neighborhood situationed on the lower part of a hill, mountain.
It looked nice , but it was made of the same kind of buildings that are in my neighborhood so I realized that I'm still in my dream... and then I woke up

I dreamt of her after a long time
I don't know why
it brought up new thoughts
I want to forget

This morning I dreamt that there were freaky storms and tornados going over my house.
It all started when I looked out the window in the living room due to the loud noises outside. I saw that pretty much the whole street except the buildings were flying in a linear matter right , there was a rainstorm and the wind was so strong that we panicked that this is the end for us. It was surreal, things went flying in a linear manner , not like in a real storm where things fall apart and fly everywhere, it was weird, and scary.
Then we went out at a point , now there was no wind no storm, things were a bit damaged around me but it didnt seem to be a full on annihilation of the street. Then I started to hear the noises again, it was tornados. one touched down nearby so fast and then passed by us so fast it gave out a machinery sound. Then another came and another came, I almost got caught up in one.