non-lucid

Can't recall all that much since I woke up this morning, but I remember driving around the west side of town and I was driving along country club road. I can't remember why I was driving over there but I know I was killing time while I was waiting so I started to drive towards 14th when I saw two huge flashes of lightning. I looked to my right and there was some kind of force field of bluish purple. It was the edge of the storm, is what I remember thinking. This part was vivid, but that's all I can recall.

The night before last I was with someone who had a pet tiger and panther. They were being held by a normal fence, they didn't seem aggressive but I told the person who owned them that I doubted that fence could keep them. Sure enough, right when I said it the animals jumped over the fence, I was scared for a second, but I remembered to not run, the panther came up to me and bit me on the hand playfully. I led both of them by the collar and into the house, they acted like dogs. Once they were inside, I felt safe.

About forty-five minutes after falling asleep I woke up after having a little dream. I'm not sure if it was a hallucination because I was trying a WILD, but in the dream I was going to bed. T was sitting in our chair and he was playing video games, I think. But the chair was sitting diagonally in front of the door. I went to say goodnight, and I kissed him. Then I thought he had said, do you want to dance? I was like what. And he said do you want to live or die? I realized that I had mistaken dance for die. Then I laughed because he seemed so serious, like I had irritated him somehow. I said don't fuck with me right now I'm drunk. I ran to the bedroom but it was kind of like bouncing, I was scared but laughing hoping it was a joke. When I got to the bedroom, I jumped in the air to land on the bed on my belly, but I didn't land. I started falling through the bed and I think I had made myself wake up. Like I was somehow conscious but I never thought about it. Then I had a false awakening, but that's all I remember about that.

After I had a long dream, but by now I only remember parts. I was with an old friend and something about a dress she didn't want anymore that I wanted to give away. But she wanted me to hold on to it so that she could wear it again sometime. I went to what I had called in the dream JC Penney and I went it but it was kind of like a small town DMV office. So I was waiting and I was on the phone and lit a cigarette. There was a guy trying to tell me to not smoke and finally I realized they had changed the smoking policy. So I apologized and was going to go outside but I didn't want to so I finished the cigarette real quck. Then I was sitting in a chair and I remember telling someone something and I was very direct about it but I can't remembe what I was saying. There was a guy sitting next to that person who I had went to school with a long time ago but he looked older. I could tell he was trying to picture this new me and that's what I had been thinking about when I was talking. Very confusing. I'll just end it here.

06/10/11

There was a plague of some sort and everyone was getting sick. A lot of people were gathered together in this hospital type place, it was huge. Like an airport, it had restaraunts and what not. I believe it was my 21st birthday and I had two people with me, they were people I knew, but I cannot think of who they were. We went inside a restaraunt because we were hungry and I wanted to celebrate.

After this, I'm walking through one of the hallways and start coughing up blood. I knew I had it. So I found a room that I could slowly die in. Strange enough, I seemed to have accepted my upcoming death, even though I knew it would be slow and painful.

06/11/11

Took a nap, fell asleep watching the X-Files.

Soo, needless to say, my dream was a little creepy. It was nighttime and I forgot to shut my window. I heard someone mowing our lawn with headlights and it was really scary. I was crouched down on the floor with my son, hoping they wouldn't look in the window.

Also remember alien ghosts and JUST remembered I did become lucid. There was FBI everywhere and it was daylight again. I jumped off the ground hoping to fly, but I came back down and woke up.

06/12/11

I was in a large building and there was a room with a curtain and inside there were two showers across from eachother. I wanted to shower and had no towel, so I walked across to another room just like it where there were a couple people. I can't remember if they were showering or not. I recognized a towel that we have in WL and as I went to grab it I asked to make sure nobody was using it. They told me that some girl was. I was slightly annoyed because I knew it was my towel. I walked back to the other room and began to undress. I left the curtain open and it didn't seem to matter to me. It felt alright, nobody cared. Like a Co-Ed locker room or something...

I'm in the shower and notice my grandpa walks in. (somewhere between that last sentence and this next one I changed clothes.) He was talking to me about a game, like he was my coach. He wanted me to exercise but he said something like, "Ohh, you might not want to spend THIS time training." I didn't really feel like working out but I didn't want to disappoint him. I told him I didn't mind. I can't remember anything else.

I was in Island Park (real place), a man promised a real trip. I know it meant acid. I felt anticipation and then rejection when it did not come through.

Then I'm traveling somewhere. My dream cars are almost always like clown cars. Like I'm oversized or the car is too little, and I feel like there is never a roof. Anyway.. I'm driving and going over hills and I notice I can see the outlines of the states and it's like I'm driving on a map. I was between Kansas and Missouri. I felt lost and I didn't know where I was supposed to be going, but I know I had a destination. I don't know if I was being followed the whole time or if anyone had been with me, but I remember shouting at someone in another car, telling them I was bound to get lost and I needed help. It was someone I knew, but that's all I know about them.

According to my memory, next I was in some sort of forest, but it was slightly cartoon-like. I might've been in the same dream, because I know more came before this, but all I can remember is thinking of Yogi Bear and then a bear-like creature appeared. At that moment, I felt I had just figured out something big. Something spiritual, something for myself. In fact, thinking the name Yogi, the appearence of the creature, and the epiphany-like feeling all hit me simultaneously. I wish I could remember more about this part, because it's making me think of my spirit guide.

>>> Later on, during a nap.

I'm dreaming of being at work (where I had just been.) I'm sitting on pot of chili along with a friend, and it actually felt quite awkward, but I was supposed to sit on it to keep it warm. Then once it was at the right temp, we were supposed to stick it on the stove-top. I also remember talking to a co-worker about one of the managers and something that was going on with him. I remember looking around and realized that the manager I was talking about had been staring at me the whole time. I pretended that I didn't say anything.

Tried to WILD. I got my body into SP, or just about. I was like this for an hour before I turned over to just sleep. I kept getting a small vibration in my ear at every small sound I heard. Is that normal for you guys? I've felt it before trying to enter SP, does anyone know what that is?

Anyway, rolled over and had a dream. I was at some kind of cook-out family thing at my moms house. My cousins were there, and my sisters. I had my son and T with me. I was going in and out of rooms. I saw my oldest sister in one room, and she was kind of acting like she used to when we were living together. Like her teenage self again. I remember seeing my other sister, but she was being stand-offish, like me a little. My oldest sister, I'm not sure how she was doing this, I can't remember her really saying anything to me, but she seemed to be trying to pry at me like start a fight. Kind of acting like I was having a bad attitude and she was going to make it a scene, I don't know.

So I was getting kind of pissed off and wanting to leave. In my head we had been there for a couple hours already, so I went into the living room and saw my mom on the couch. It took me a second to focus on T sitting next to her, I raised my eyebrows (something we do when we wanna leave someplace) and he nodded. We started to get W's things together when my mom was kind of like, "ahh are you leaving already? I'm cooking chicken, don't you guys wanna eat?" I told her it sounded good, and I sat down on the couch. I started ranting to her about how D, my oldest sister was being. She didn't really listen, and T made it look like we were going to stay and eat.

I went outside and for some reason there were people standing at a stop light next to their car. They actually were dancing to some techno in the middle of the street. It looked like fun and I went and joined in for a bit. Then I'm walking back to the house and there's an election going on, something for the city.

Everyone's in these pews and the little electronic voting things are behind this pulpit or w/e. Everyone's getting seated, my sisters and mom and dad are in the back row. T's voting in the thingy. I get up to go talk to him. I've got W in his carseat and I'm carrying his bags. T comes out from behind the thing and we're looking for somewhere to sit. This old man pats the pew next to him and I laugh for some reason. Then we notice an newly empty pew and we sit.

There's a comedian of some sort on the stage thingy and he was being kind of funny. Apparently he had some of his friends down in the corner at the front and they were laughing all annoyingly giving their friend shit. I got a close look at one of his friends and it looked a lot like the cable guy. Ugh.

Then I'm outside again and I was getting outa my car for some reason, going back inside to see T and W. I take my seatbelt off and my shirt comes off. I get out of the car before I realize I'm only in my bra. As I'm walking back to my car, this girl comes out of a clothing store, she's dressed really preppy and my first thought was, she got the job. Then she says something a long the lines of "I've already dealt with enough dirty whores today, please." I was shocked. She was walking toward her bike rather quickly now. I started following her, still in my bra, pissed off. She seemed a little scared and I asked her what her problem was. I grabbed the bag that was in her hand and slammed it down. She almost got to her bike, but I beat her and pushed it over, getting in her face. I was so ready to tear her up. She moved and started walking away from the bike. I picked up the bike about to throw it at her, I ended up sitting it down. I was going to go inside, but she said something else to make me mad. She was on the ground, not sur ehow she got there, but I kicked her really hard in the belly.

As I did I saw a cop go by on a street about 10 feet away. I hurried and hid in the entrance of the place where T was. I saw the cop pull in. The girl was still on the ground where I left her. I almost went inside to sit down, but I figured they'd find me and it'd make a big scene. So I stayed put, but I was really scared and hating myself for what I did. Then I hit denial. I said fuck this, this is a dream and I made myself wake up.

I went back to sleep. I was at my moms again, same cook out. I was standing outside with my cousin, so I thought, then he started yelling at me. Then I'm inside with my mom and she tells me she needs to show me a video. It's a video of me and it was telling me about "all the drama" I cause in the family. I couldn't believe that she thought of me like this. One term, brightly bolded, like they were trying to sell the damn thing said "Dramatic Darkness" is what it called me. My mom was almost in tears, like it was some kind of intervention thing. I gave her a really disgusted look, angry because I knew her and my family absolutely didn't understand me at that moment. I got up to leave and she said if I left then me and T would have no place to stay anymore. (I don't live with her, I have no idea what that was about.) I said, "That's great mom, reject your daugther and your grandson. You know, mom, W is all I have now." Then I gave her more attitude, mockingly, said "yes I know this is more 'dark drama'!" Then I was going around to grab all the stuff. I went into the kitchen and I didn't leave, I cried.

Before me and her got into it, me and T had also had a fight, I just can't remember much about that one.

Also, I can't remember if the following bit is from my nap or last night's dream, but I remembered something else.

Being on a bike path of some sort with my friend A and she was guiding me around it.

So I'm at this place, and there are people waiting on these little subway type things. Some of the people were a few of my friends. One of them, A, was handing out blotter acid. Instead of the paper though, these were transparent and had the look of cotton, but the texture was like those stale "bread" crums you get at church.

I had my son with me, but it was like three in the morning and he was sleeping in his carseat. We were sitting on this bench outside. I told her I better not, then I changed my mind. I took two of these acid tablets and realized I could get my mom to babysit. I try to call on her, but my friends were shaking their heads at me. They all left me there with my son, getting ready to trip. I started tripping, no visuals, but I had an extreme body high.

I remember that it started to wear off fairly quick, and I remember being home and getting online. I was upset that my friends ditched me on acid. I got on aim to talk to someone. I remember talking to him but I have no idea what was said.

The dream faded.

I'm in a gas station now and my friend, A, is with me again. I'm behind the register, which is a little role-reversal, my friend is the one that worked at this station. Anyway, Danny Carey, the drummer from Tool, walks in. Everyone in the store was like shiit it's Danny Carey. I was blown away. He was in a hurry and told us he had a meeting to go to soon. So I let him cut, he's f'n Danny Carey! lol My friend does something to where she payed for his stuff and he payed her back or some shit. So I had to sign some huge ticket and Danny starts to leave. Before he is out the door I say, " Heyyy, next time you swing by, you better have Maynard with you."

He laughed and smiled and said "Alright! I will do that!" lol The whole thing felt so real, like how it would've happened if it did in real life. So I sort of feel like I met Danny Carey.

<33

I hate getting redirected. Lost EVERYfuckingTHING!

Ok. Pardon me, please.

I was at home with my parents. I can't remember what we were doing, except my mom had a bunch of lighters with a flower and some fancy little writing. I can't remember what it said, but each lighter was in different colors, same design. For some reason, my dad was really irritated with me. Everytime I spoke he got very angry. I have no idea what I was doing and I was so confused in the dream. I was trying to figure out what was wrong but he just kept getting angrier. So I went and sat by my mom in another room. I was crying and trying to talk to her, but it was really hard to do.

My dad came into the room with his arm raised. He was getting ready to hit me really hard and I was so scared. I had never felt that scared of somebody before. I remember closing my eyes, crying still, prepared for it. Then he stopped. I got up to leave. I went outside and realized I was standing in a parking lot.

I was pushing a cart and started to run. I noticed ice all over the ground and I was sliding. I didn't want to fall so I kind of started skating to slow myself down. I couldn't see my car and I wasn't sure if it was even there. I walked over a few rows and saw my car. I reached it and then a cop was standing beside me. He grabbed a cup that I hadn't noticed was in my hand. He checked the cup, as if suspecting alcohol. I let him and then he was asking me what happened.

I just told him I got into a fight with my parents, I didn't want dad to get into trouble. The cop said something about being underage. I was about to tell him that I'm an adult when my parents came out and were getting into the car. My dad saw the cop and gave me look of disgust. I told him I didn't call them and the cop started asking him questions. I decided to leave.

I was getting into my car and I noticed J's truck sitting next to my car. He was in the drivers seat, staring at me. He had a soft sympathetic look on his face. I got out to say goodbye and I saw my son in his passenger seat. I went around the truck and picked up my son. I was about to buckle him into his car seat when I woke up.

So, I guess it was a good thing I got redirected because I remembered more details that time, like the ice all over the parking lot. Crazy dream...

Forgot to mention, in waking life, me and my father get along and are very close. =/

I was laying in a hospital bed. Took me a minute to realize that I was in labor. I was kind of freaking out and T was standing beside me as we were waiting on the Doctor M. I told T that I didn't understand, because I hadn't been to a check up in quite a few months, not to mention, we hadn't even had an ultrasound. We didn't know what it was going to be. He said we hadn't been in because we ran out of insurance. =/

I mentioned to T that I didn't think I was in labor just yet, and that we should wait. Then I realized that my lower back had been aching all day, and said maybe it was going to happen soon. Then doctor came in and delivered my baby. It was a boy. I don't even remember it happening, but I saw him laying in a crib next to my son, W. I didn't even notice that I hadn't named him yet.

The doctor gave me the bill which was so ridiculously high, it was about 1500. Probably more than that IWL. I was upset about it and was trying to figure out how to get some deductions. There was a nurse and my doctor standing in the hall and smoking cigarettes. =/

Can't remember anymore than that.

5/30/11 during a late nap

It was raining and I was at home getting ready to go to the store because my son needed wipes or something. It took me a minute because I couldn't decide what I should wear. I felt like I was taking too long and didn't want to get caught in the storm. I picked up my son and was walking to the store. I might've been heading to my car. Next I remember walking across the parking lot.

This morning.

I was in a strange place where half of the town was sitting on water. I was trying to leave, but the roads and everything would shake and wave every now and then and I had to hold on to something. I remember someone explaining to me how they got half the town on the water and I thought it was weird that they would want to do that. I start to drive on the road and am going uphill into a curve. I see two exits, each with a weird symbol, might have been a single number on each one, can't remember though. As I came up on the two exits I couldn't decide which one would take me out of town. So I slow down, realizing I'm stopping traffic and I ask a guy that's coming out of the tunnel in front of me, which one goes out of town. He pointed at the other one and said it went to a bank. Suddenly I see people in line at the exit he pointed at. So I get out of the car and start to go up the other one and there are stairs. When I get to the top I remember it being another place like a bank.

I leave and am driving when my sister gets in the car and tells me she needs to drive around to the bank. I go around once, she said I did it wrong or didn't put the money in right. So I drive around again. This is all I can remember.

I was walking somewhere with T and realized there was a tornado just maybe 20 feet or so away. I remember the light dirty brown color and it swirling, and I saw a twister coming out from the side and breaking off, but it was a darker smoky color. I told T we needed to get out of there, but he said we'd be okay. Then it hovered closer and passed. I saw two more in the distance and thought how amazing it was to be that close to a tornado and not get hurt.

I was fighting, as usual, with T and my oldest sister for some reason. I can hardly remember anything except me telling my sis, D, to punch me in the arm as hard as she could and she did and I made some joke afterwards, trying to mend the tension. It didn't seem to work.

I do remember saying something to T, like I was tired of it, and if I leave and he doesn't stop me, then I will be gone for good.

Okay, I did pretty good today. The first time I woke up I remember I was in my in-laws basement. I was talking to my brother-in-law about ping pong balls or something. (we had been playing beer pong last night over there, so... yea.)

Then I went back to sleep and had a few dreams that I cannot seem to put in order at the moment. I remember I had traveled somewhere, Florida, I think. I was thinking of picking someone up that was there, well, that I thought was there. Then I told someone I was heading to Canada to hang out with someone. I think I was talking about the member and a very good friend, Seroquel. =)

Anyway, I had also been with a bunch of people in this house that seemed to be in a woodsy-type area. I remember my husband standing across from me and I was wearing my swimsuit and dancing. One of his friends had come up beside me and had his hands on my hips and I kept dancing. It pissed T off pretty bad and he called me a name and told me to leave. I got upset and tried to hold him. I didn't mean anything by it, I was just dancing, those were my thoughts. He didn't want me, and I threw a few punches at him for some reason. Then I went to leave.

Well, my brain doesn't seem to remember more, it might flash at me later, because I know I probably do know more. OH well, I'm happy to have remembered something.

P.S.
Just edititing because I remembered another part. Yay.

I was driving in my car with my son in the backseat. We were heading to Island Park. I got there and was excited to go play with him. I was getting ready to get him out of the car when I realized the weather had went from nice and sunny to a bit cloudy and chilly, like it was going to storm. I was disappointed and got back into the car to leave.

Hate to waste a good dream entry...

I was in a gym with a bunch of others with basketballs. I told them we should play knock-out.

I probably wouldn't have even remembered this if a coworker hadn't mentioned playing a little bball. I hate not remembering my dreams. Stupid jobs.

I mean, does America really need double stack burgers and "sea-salt natural cut" fries ?
I could be dreaming.

I was moving planets according to their location onto this big model hanging from the ceilings. I put some on there and realized I needed to start with the outer planets moving inward.

woke up
back to sleep

I was with my sister at my job, Wendys (fast food place.) They were handing out these new long-sleeved shirts to the employees. They handed me a package and before I opened it I had the option to choose small or medium. I wasn't sure what their small would be like so I asked a lady who was wearing one. She said it was actually bigger than a normal small, so I got the small. I was getting ready to leave when I realized D, my sister, ordered some food. I went into the back to speed up the process and made the drink she ordered, Grape Rootbeer? One of the guys got a little irritated with me because he had already made it. I apologized and told him I thought they were busy so I didn't think they had it yet. I laughed a little and shrugged another apology and walked back to my sis.

I think this was the same dream, but me and T had two kids now. One of them, named W, like our son, but he was our youngest. We had another one apparently he was a little older though, like 2 years. The strange thing I noticed about him was he was getting facial hair already! I laughed because as soon as I realized this he was like a 10 year old with a little goatee going on. This amused me a great amount. Anyway, we were at some kind of reunion with the family and we had traveled there. This place was strange, and part I remember the most was there was a library and the kids were running around. I went off to do something that I can't remember and realized I had just left my kids in there running around. My other sister, also a D, was tired of watching them and had sat down while the kids were practically destroying this library lol. My nieces were there also.

There was another part somewhere in that mess where me and my husband were working I guess and we were sitting at a table that seated four. We were sort of laughing and having a good time discussing work. I think this might of been where I went to before I realized the kids were tearing up the library.

I remember a ride too, kind of like that ride in Zombieland where the girls were riding before the zombies showed up, or when they started to show up. Anyway, it was like that but instead of swinging back and forth it would go all the way around and upside down. It was a lot of fun.

Then we were all about to travel home and we were at a gas station. I had my kid in my arms and asked my mom to pull some cash out of my wallet for me. She handed me a twenty and I went inside to get a pepsi and some smokes. I asked the lady at the counter, there were two of them actually, for some cigarettes, camel lights. She handed me 100's and I asked her for shorts. She gave me a strange look and went to get them when I realized that on the counter in front of me was a pack of shorts and the pack of 100s she handed me. I told her nevermind and she gave me another strange look. She asked me to wait a minute for something, they were looking at the computer. I started to grow impatient then finally I walked out with the cigarettes. Yes, I forgot the pepsi.

Then we're riding along again and we stop at another gas station. Suddenly I'm working there and these teenagers come in, a girl and two guys. I forgot what they were buying but the girl shorted me two dollars and said she'd be right back with the rest. I told her to leave whatever she had and to go get it and come back, she acted like I was crazy. I told her it was policy, if she didn't have the money she couldn't have the product. She started to walk out anyway and I followed her out to the parking lot and before she could leave the lot I grabbed her arm and told her to give me the money or I'd get in trouble. I ended up walking back in and picked up a broom to sweep....

and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to save it.

My reality resides in my dreams...
and this is the nightmare I wake up to.