Quote Originally Posted by Zhaylin View Post
I'm not sure exactly what I believe in anymore.
I had a deep religious conversation with my son yesterday, so intellectually, I believe in the Bible and in (more specifically) the teaching of Jehovah's Witnesses.
But purely on a spiritual/emotional (?) level, I'm drawn to different paths.
Such beliefs cannot co-exist within me. I've tried for years.
I think that says it all. You have your intellect struggling against your heart. Might as well get the unpleasantries out of the way and be honest. As I know that you know (you've said it before), you're intellect is not the sharpest tool in the shed. Your heart on the other hand seems to be made of gold. You are one of the kindest and gentlest souls that I've ever run across online or in the real world. The relationship with the divine/transcendant is one of the most important things in our life as it colors every other aspect of our lives. There are all kinds of people saying all kinds of things, for all kinds of reasons, to come between us and our own, personal, direct relationship with transcendance. It's important that we use our best tools to cut through that and see existence for what it is.

I think that your heart is your best tool here, not your intellect. So I would go with that.

And the fact that you are even considering using hallucingens to go on a vision quest indicates that, deep down, you've already abondoned your faith in a literal interpretation of the Bible. Good riddance to it as well. Enjoy your new freedom.