Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Cinnabons are evil At around 8:30PM Hubby sent me out for Taco Bell Chalupas and I picked up an order of 4 cinnabons as well. I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow at 9:30.
Cinnabons have been making me sleepy. I have noticed that. But last night? Gah!
I wonder if my Reactive Hypoglycemia is acting up again? I've not had a problem with sweets for years and years. If this keeps happening, I'll need to have my blood sugar tested. Diabetes is VERY strong in my family. Reactive Hypoglycemia is often a precursor for full-blown diabetes.

And, blec, I woke with a severe kink in my neck and back, severe reflux (thanks again to the Cinnabons lol) and a slight headache. And, I woke up cursing myself out loud for turning all of my Minecraft pumpkins into seeds when I could have used some of them for jack-o-lanterns under water When I completely woke I remembered that's on my home game where I have cheats enabled and NOT on the World Server where everything's harder to come by.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

A rave/rant is that I've been in a Minecraft mood lately. I just suffer through the lag. The game is usually okay unless I'm attacked by lots of bad guys. Then I die because the lag is so bad I can't do anything.

It sucks that it's lagging. Have you tried turning the minecraft video settings down? Like decreasing render distance, etc?
Cinnabons are amazing. For some reason they changed the name to Cinzeos here about a decade ago, but I always claimed them to be my favourite food when I was a kid.

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One exam tomorrow. Then as soon as I get home at around 7 pm I'll have to start cramming for my next exam 24 hours after the first as I haven't studied for it at all. I had over two weeks to study for both of them, but I thought I had so long I only did tiny amounts from each class every day. Then with like 5 days left, I didn't feel like it, thought one more day won't hurt. Had to do something the next couple days, then realized I had two days to study for two exams and panicked, studied constantly and now I'm not really ready. The thought of possibly failing one or multiple. The dissappointment of my family, having to somehow fix my GPA, having to repeat a class... it's almost too horrible to even consider. So I hope this test is somehow just... easy. I hope I leave it at least knowing that I've passed. I'm not even sure about the one exam I've already taken. There were a lot of questions I wasn't sure about, and I'm relying on getting enough partial marks for them. I just wish I hadn't procrastinated so much. At the beginning of these couple weeks I recognized that I usually procrastinate, and that this time I can't let that happen. And I did do more than usual. I studied a little every day. But it wasn't nearly enough. I studied like 1% every day, and across 14 days it doesn't come close.

Wishful is now dating the great kisser from the party she went to. It's quite nice. We both have issues so it's easy to relate to the other and support them. Think it might work. Mum's invted him to dinner with the family for my dad's birthday. She likes him. She's never liked a boyfriend of mine before. Oh God.

In other news my first exam is a week today and my Chemistry EMPA (Externally Moderated Practical Assessment) which basically is an exam paper on the results of two assessed practicals I will have done in advance, interpreting the results and a section from the end of year exam papers. Hense why I haven't been on much.

I have so much to catch up on and will hopefully do as such soon enough. See you on the other side of these exams Dremaviews. Love you all! Katie out!

Alright, just catching up here...I know I'm a little late, but spider erotica? EW. I'm down with most stuff but spiders cross a line. Dianeva, hope your test goes well. Totally understand the stress of stuff hinging on one class and that class being up in the air. Wishful, glad you've got a guy, hope it works out!

Mostly raves here! I only have one more essay to write, one more class day, and one more test before finals. And I might be making a new friend! (That's a good panic, btw). She's pretty awesome, and I wouldn't say we're a ton a like, but we seem kinda complimentary. She said my personality was a lot like her husband's so that's cool.

Pretty nervous about two classes, if I don't make a decent grade on my last cognitive test I won't get credit, same with genetics. Both are almost exactly on the border, and while I could take cognitive again (though it would suck), having to take genetics again would ruin my plan to graduate in December. So I guess I'll just have to study my ass off. But now that my most stressful essays are done it's like the weight of the world is off my shoulders temporarily. Another rave: My husband won tickets to a concert where we get to meet the band. Not super well-known, but it's still awesome, and FREE CONCERT! (Bear Hands, if anyone is curious. Their most popular song atm is Giants.)

The fact is, when he can't stop talking about you.....you win. - The ex diaries.

Well, single again after less than 2 months. Everything was so perfect for the first month, then the truth started showing through. ...perhaps, rather, I was blinded by my emotions which I've kept penned up for quite a long time and then I started to see reality again. Lies, lies, lies, and more lies compiled upon cascading layers of lies. I have never met someone so screwed up in the head that they couldn't be truthful about anything at all. Then it's Adderall, Adderall, Adderall, Adderall, Adderall, and more Adderall. ...then Xanax to knock herself down when she was ready to sleep, if at all. How the fuck can someone still be alive after running their body into the ground like this for months at a time??? Holy shitballs.

Never again will I allow myself to fall for someone without a few prerequisites:
1. Thorough honesty check.
2. Hard drug and or pharmaceutical misuse/abuse.
3. No mental conditions beyond a reasonable level.

...or I'll just stay gay and free. It's much more fun that way...

Edit: ...and this is where it started.

Unfortunately, Dianeva, it's just my computer. I'm in major need of an upgrade. I'm only getting 6-13 FPS. I was getting almost 60 on the laptop before it died.

Good luck on your exams. everyone!!

Grats, Wishful Glad something is going your way for a change.

Anderj and everyone else in need.

My rant/rave is that I just played Minecraft for an easy 12 hours straight. Ugh! And I'm probably going to get back on soon lol. I made an underground home and a fenced in path to my other homes and then I made a watchtower and decided to turn it into a Guard tower, complete with beds and a dining hall I need some stinking sheep. I've not ventured far from my original spawn point. There has to be some nearby because I found ONE right off the bat when I first started (they're usually found in groups). I also need to find some new trees. I'm sick of looking at stone, oak and beech (is it beech?)

I've not been to sleep yet. I could go for some Adderall about now (Actually, I've never taken the stuff) Hubby and I might venture out for dinner tonight but other than that, it's going to be a peaceful day (other than a trip to get groceries).

Wow.... Just caught up with a friend and he's gone full deep in to Illuminati, satan, conspiritard territory.
Weird as fuck.

Also my sister's bf almost tried to fight me before. I think he's too much of a pussy to do anything, but goddammit, he's such a goddamn tool.
It's like he tries to be alpha or something, but it's so obvious he isn't. He tries to act like he owns the place and can tell me what to do in my own fucking house.
Dumb fuck....
He really does not want to mess with me. I think this is going to have to be one of those times where I let my psychopathic side take over.

I instantly regretted not just bashing him today, coz my friend was there and we could have taken him easy.
Probably should have. Ah well....

Major rave: Me and super cute girl were laughing SO much today. We also had those laughs where you're trying to contain it coz you don't want to bust out in to hysterics, but you can't really contain it and you're both just happy as fuck. Was pretty amazing.

So very far away from home & living alone with more time on my hands than anyone should ever really have at their disposal.....


and....




...loving every minute of it!

Zhaylin there are sheep everywhere lol, in those fields in any direction I think. If you're talking about the same server that is.

I wish more people were interested in the server. At first I thought there would be plenty of people. But there are almost none. I guess people aren't as interested in minecraft anymore or everyone who is already has servers. Not that being crowded is nice, it just feels more real and important the more people are in there for some reason.

Anyway my 3rd and last difficult exam (still have an easy one in 3 days) is over. I'm on the bus home from it now. There s a possibility of me failing any one of the 3 I've taken but thus one didn't go as badly as I had anticipated. Last night I got home from a terrible exam at 7. I was so exhausted I could have slept then but I had until 1 p m the Next day to completely study for an exam I hadn't even started studying for,, so it was pretty stressful to understate it. Somehow it wasn't that bad though. I gave one bs answer basically saying th edge of a 2 dimensional circle won't have a color since it's surface is perpendicular to the light, even though I'm pretty sure it was asking if the edge had a width what would the color be.

Anyway I'm drinking tonight.

I'd swear the two of you "ate" all the sheep I can't find any anywhere. But I get lost so easily it's ridiculous (IRL too lol) I JUST did find your horses, pumpkins, netherwort etc. I built a little shack on a hill nearby because I hadn't yet found the house under the horses and creepers were chasing me. I kept thinking... "Ugh, they'll kill me if these stupid guys blow up here "

"Realms" just showed up on my game yesterday. I've been trying to buy a realm but they wont accept my credit card I love having my game saved elsewhere seeing as I've lost so many great ones because of computer errors and the laptop dying.
But I would enable cheats. I just can't help myself And there's something more rewarding about being on your realm where I have to work for everything (but not as hard as Dutch's )
I'm now building a ??? tree farm. I need to start mining again, though, because I'm all out of iron. That's the other thing I cheat on. I HATE having to waste all my iron on tools But I'm too impatient to use wood or stone. I turn on cheats then make diamond tools with "unbreaking" ("Efficiency", also, for an Obsidian pickaxe and "Fortune" to regular diamond pickax for more coal). Then I make diamond armor, put the water enchants on my helmet and feather on my feet
After I build a village/town, I turn cheats back on and add Villagers so I don't get lonely

Hope you did better than expected on the exam... and that you pass the next ones.

Glad to hear you had a great time, Tommo

Sounds like heaven, Obmij. I felt like that when I ran away from home for the first time when I was about 14 years old. It was the best 14 days or so of my life. Was it really for that long? I'm going to have to ask my mom. No wonder I was eating cacti by the end!

My rave is that dinner with hubby went nicely. His food was awful, but mine was delicious so I shared. I broke down and had the Fillet Mignon... he had the Ribeye and it was tough as nails.

I spent the break drinking and watching TV shows. Now in the last few days before we go back I realise I barely understand anything for chemistry.
I mean I studied a bit, but I could have gotten SO much done, and instead did nothing. Also forgot a whole lot of Chinese stuff.
Kinda worried now. Only a couple of months left for this semester....
I guess at the least we have a while off between semesters, I'll take a good break for a week and then review everything I was unsure about.
I've always been a "do reasonably well without trying too hard" kind of person. Like I'd get 70-80 on everything without much thought.
But now I need to get high 90's for everything or I won't be able to get in to Vet school.
Really difficult trying to change 24 years of habit.

Glad you enjoyed your break... but catch-up is a bear. Once you start using the Chinese again, I would imagine it would come back quickly.
When I was a kid, I hated summer vacation because I'd forget everything I learned during the school year lol

My major rave is that hubby gave me a Peace Lilly and an iPad Air today. I reinstalled iTunes onto my computer and now I'm syncing it. I'm looking forward to playing with it later on
He even had it engraved with my full name and birthdate and "Love Always and Forever.. Jerry"
He told me he went ahead and went with "sweet" instead of "Lordy, Lordy, look who's 40"

And he gave it to me today to by-pass the whole "we don't celebrate birthday's" thing. In all truth, it IS a birthday present though, lol. I feel a little guilty about that but, hey, I'm still smoking too so I'll get over it

In an hour, I'm heading out for Chalupa's, Cinnabons and Wal-mart.

Hope everyone's having a great day.

**EDIT**
Okay... here's a rant. So many of the apps I loved for my first gen. Ipad are no longer available. The companies aren't even around anymore it seems. I'm finding it nearly impossible to find a nice writing app. I like transcribing books. Note taking apps simply do not cut it. I like organizing everything into folders and folders within those folders. (Like, you'd have "The Bible" as the first, "Genesis" and then a folder for each chapter within the book.) A lot of the apps cost money but I don't want to buy it only to find out it can't do what I want.

But now I'm sleepy. I wanted to play some Minecraft tonight because I have an idea for an awesome hidden temple complex that accessable (sp!!!!!) through a shallow pool. I have to mine lots and lots of sand for the chiseled sandstone slabs and I still have to make a cavern big enough to hold it... and figure out what to do with all the space. I mean, what rooms are inside a temple (let alone a temple complex lol).
And I still haven't found any darn sheep

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

When I was a kid, I hated summer vacation because I'd forget everything I learned during the school year lol

Same here. My 2nd language teacher asked me once "what do you do every vacation? open your head and wash your brain?"
I don't always forget alphabets but some get horizontally flipped. Also, Malayalam alphabets are all curvy and twisted, and I add some new curves and twists here and there.

So when is your birthday, Zhaylin?

I've come to realization that the road isn't done with me. Deciphering the symbols of the last dream that meant anything to me, I remember a moment where I conversed about writing, and the girl I spoke to suggested asking at the counter of the cafe we were in for a piece of paper. So we walked up front, and a man there had a bag of food ready and handed it to me, or I took it from him. On the road, people give you things, and gifts are always around the corner. In the dream it seemed natural to see a bag of food and graciously accept it, upon waking I wondered if I sensed some hesitation. Retrospectively perhaps many of my patrons held hesitation about giving stuff to strangers. In either case, the symbol seemed clear. We were talking about writing, receiving her suggestion about a piece of paper, and then receiving a gift like I did when I lived off nothing but them.

I struggle to write, cooped up in my mom's house. I'm working on a fantasy, I'm in love with its setting and world building makes for a fun distraction. I haven't fallen for the characters yet but I just need to spend more time with them. I'm still addicted to drugs, I can't inhibit myself around alcohol and whenever I get a gram of pot I blow through it as quickly as possible. I started smoking cigarettes again on the road, when people offer a smoke you're so grateful just to finally receive something it's difficult to say no. At first I gave them to my companions but eventually spending days on an on-ramp with nothing to do but wait for your ride, I started smoking and fell immediately back into a pack a day if I could afford it. Since I've been housed up, I quit them all over again but I still want them. I still want all sorts of things. I forget what it meant the first time I quit. There was a girl involved. There always is when I put my life together. They make me do extraordinary things I never care to do on my own. Because of them, I've traversed continents, I've held steady jobs, I've quit all my bad habits and started good ones... but they never last. Now I have no one, anything I do from here, I do for myself.

On the road, I wrote sometimes. Mostly when I had nothing better to do, I kept track of my adventure and let myself feel productive for it. I loved the feeling of getting lost in what I was writing. I haven't felt that feeling in a very long time. Nowadays ideas for poetry come now and again but I can't get lost in the process of manifesting them like I used to. I struggle over every word. I don't know what holds me back anymore. I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish, what I want to be, how much of it is because I want it and how much is just reaction to a lifetime spent pressured by those that wanted things for me. Somewhere between the two, I've lost touch with what it means to be lost between the world I see and the letters that make it whole. My dream may be suggesting that I simply haven't walked far enough on my walk-about. My delay is merely that, a delay. But the novelty bled out in the ambulance. The dream is on life support. Still, at least I'll see its bones. How countless are they that never noticed it go, never know whether it hopped on the last bus or in front of one? How many wonder whether it'll show up after the commercial break? How many are left to wait until next season?

Shit yes OP. I was just realising the same thing about myself. I wish I *could* just improve for me. I mean, I do.... but when a girl comes along, it's so much easier. I barely even take care of myself like brushing my teeth etc. if there's no girl in my life. Quitting smoking is easy. That should be the prescribed method; find a girl who hates smoking and fall in love with her

Rant: WORST headache this morning. Felt like death, pretty sure I was still drunk.
I'm 100% limiting myself to two beers now. Eventually I'll make it one, but two for now.
It's severely impacting my ability to learn and understand and figure stuff out.

It's today, Anju. The 28th. If it wasn't for email from every website I've signed up for (not really lol) I wouldn't even notice. Even if I don't officially celebrate, I have hit a milestone I guess. The depression ? ache of it all will sink in later, but for now I'm content with just another day (has it truly been 6 years since I started smoking again and that I've been without my congregation? !)


OP, I've found contentment brings stagnation when it comes to writing. I've not written anything in ages. I guess I value comfort over the worlds of my imagination. I never thought that day would come (writing was my first truest love), but it has.

My rant is that I spent 2.99 on an app "Smart Alarm Clock HD: sleep cycles and night sounds recording" and I wasted my money lol. But I knew I might be when I got it, so it's all good I put it on my pillow against the wall but I don't think it registered how much I toss and turn. Because I still sleep on a desk there's no give for the device to pick up on things. I kept waking up and staring at it (I was terrified of rolling on it and breaking it), yet it estimated my sleep at a quality of 97%
BUT... I slept so light and fitfully that I did become lucid. I don't remember much about it now, but it was scary and my dream world was disintegrating. I was in some grass in a flooded area. I told myself to not be afraid, that I was dreaming. I made myself touch everything and I told myself I didn't actually feel any textures. I wondered what I was going to do in my lucid state, but the world continued fading out and I woke then fell into another dream which was awesome and about parallel worlds

I only napped for 3 hours, but I probably actually only slept for 1 1/2 hours. My eyes are no longer killing me (allergy eyes sent me to bed in the first place), so NOW I'll get on Minecraft

Tommo - Thing is, my involvement with that girl lasted two dates, I had to find my own resolve after that. I couldn't just say fuck it and smoke the moment I realized she wasn't that interested in me. So I figured out something else. Realizing someone you want doesn't want you has an effect. You're humbled but embittered, steadfast, finished. You gain the opportunity to look at yourself and say you don't want to be that person. If that person can't find acceptance, there's no point in being them. You can turn a corner, but smoking's still ingrained in habits, the body still clings to it. Every unconscious thought serves the body, and the body wants nicotine. My disgust of rejection pushed me forward part of the way, but the method I keep referring to is super-consciousness, bringing full awareness to the compulsion. Problem is right now I really don't care enough. I'm grateful for the power to be grateful for the little drops of relief I get.

Zhaylin - I don't know if comfort is the problem. Perhaps distraction, I enjoy doing anything except what I ought to be doing. I'm sure however I frame it, though, I'm wrong.

I have such terrible luck with guys! I always do the wrong thing at the wrong time!

Originally Posted by Original Poster

Tommo - Thing is, my involvement with that girl lasted two dates, I had to find my own resolve after that. I couldn't just say fuck it and smoke the moment I realized she wasn't that interested in me. So I figured out something else. Realizing someone you want doesn't want you has an effect. You're humbled but embittered, steadfast, finished. You gain the opportunity to look at yourself and say you don't want to be that person. If that person can't find acceptance, there's no point in being them. You can turn a corner, but smoking's still ingrained in habits, the body still clings to it. Every unconscious thought serves the body, and the body wants nicotine. My disgust of rejection pushed me forward part of the way, but the method I keep referring to is super-consciousness, bringing full awareness to the compulsion. Problem is right now I really don't care enough. I'm grateful for the power to be grateful for the little drops of relief I get.

Zhaylin - I don't know if comfort is the problem. Perhaps distraction, I enjoy doing anything except what I ought to be doing. I'm sure however I frame it, though, I'm wrong.

Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Cry: I got an enlarged ovary and it's got to come out. Sooo scared of the surgery.

Rant: my glucose check is always between 20 and 34. Extraordinarily high. A couple of years ago my Nurse told me that there are people in hospital in a coma's, with those blood sugar levels.

Well my ovarian cancer scare caused me to swear-off all sugars (glucose and frutcose), all dairy, all grains and all sweeteners.

I haven't had anything delicious for 33 days. I live on chia seeds, sprouted lentils, Buckwheat, activated nuts (almonds, brazils, walnuts,) and cans of John West Red Salmon.

Like an alcoholic or other addict I am living one day at a time (sweet Jesus).

***

One Day At A Time - Marilyn Sellars: One Day At A Time - Marilyn Sellars - YouTube

***(3:31) 33, 342 views

I have been off all sugar for 33 days and this morning my blood glucose readings were the lowest I've ever seen in 15 years. I am nearly inside the 3-7 range.

I was 8.9 to 13.8.

I just hope I'm not too late.

Originally Posted by Anju

And it's good to see you back, Louai

Thnx!
I'm glad to be back myself! kinda back, not as active as I used to though

Edit: crap, I just saw it now. HAPPY BDAY Zhaylin! As much as it can be after a day delay lol. Sry, just saw it now
Pawty at ma house!

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

It's today, Anju. The 28th.

I'm just skimming but must have missed this part of your post. Happy belated birthday! I should have made you a Minecraft cake.

No worries LouaiB and Dianeva. I spent the day in bed catching up on much needed sleep I woke at 7PM and I've been (for the most part) on Minecraft lol Egad!- I'm hooked on that game Dianeva, do you know if you can pay for Realms with the Minecraft card you get at stores? I seem to be taking over your realm I've been doing some major terraforming... and of course I never notice someone's workbench and shelter until after I level the place

OOoh, Destinee made me food. Gonna go eat then properly post if I'm still awake...

**EDIT**
Ugh... Destinee made a Tuna Melt and it was delicious but I should have known better. I ended up falling asleep soon after I ate and reflux/heartburn/phlegm disturbed me until I woke. Tuna is one of the worst things I can eat. I forgot about that. It's as bad as if not worse than eating chocolate!

Anju.

I LOVE that song, Havago. I was familiar with Christy Lane. One of my childhood friends always wanted me to sing it to her when she was depressed.
I hope your sugar is okay.
I worry about mine from time to time. I'm not familiar with your number system though. Here, 120 is normal. In the past, mine would run at around 110. It would jump to 120 to 140-ish but then crash to around 75-80 (not dangerously low) about 30 minutes after I ate sweets. It would stabilize about 3 hours after that...

TIme to get back on Minecraft

Ugh... I am making 3 mountains in MInecraft to partially encircle my new town. Right now I have one but it's a rough model. I still have to randomize ridges and what not. The mountain is hollow, lol, because it was taking up WAY too many resources. I have torches all throughout it but bad guys still keep spawning inside it (three levels). I'm going to place a a lake at the top and a waterfall into my town to create a sort of mote around the place
I've given up on the Temple Complex for now. I need to find a better source of sand.

Dianeva... would you prefer I tore down the walkway and the baracks (with the blue windows). I don't want to use up more than my share of space. I'm moving my farm to the new area. I left the fields though and haven't moved my animals yet.
If you need colored wool (I have almost every color now), there are shears in the "barn" at the bottom of the sheep pit.

2 rants: I bought the pocket edition of MC for the iPad and *gah* I can't get used to the controls.
The other is that I'm going around visiting cemetaries with hubby tomorrow. I don't see the point lol. I don't visit graves. In my mind, the person is gone and it's just depressing to stand above their remains. I believe in the Resurrection (that the dead simply don't exist in any form until that time). If I'm in the resurrection, I'll see my loved ones then. Until then, they're in my memories, imagination and dreams.
BUT, it will be good to spend time with my sweetie even if I don't understand his need. He supposedly shares my religious views so I fail to see the appeal.

Hope everyone has been doing wonderfully.

Oh yes. Rant #3. I've gotten 12 hours of sleep in over 3 days. I'm beat. But I have to stay awake to ozonate my car. I'll turn it off at 1AM. Hopefully, I'll be able to fall right to sleep because hubby and I are heading out at 8:30 and one of the cemetaries is 3 hours away.

**EDIT**
Rant #4... I can't sleep