Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

rofl Preserver. Pish... squeamish one.
My hubby's a doctor. During his Rotation while training, he delivered over 100 babies. He worked the ER during gross accidents and after violent crimes. Yet, I still cant talk to him about certain things- ESPECIALLY if we're about to eat. I can't help but pick on him.
I'd be one of those morticians you see eating over a corpse... well... if it's a smelly corpse, all bets are off (As if any corpse would smell lovely).
I tried helping hubby remove a decaying deer from a yard one year. Ugh... that didn't end so well, so perhaps I shouldn't pick on people too much about being squeamish

Melanie. The neighbors used to have gardens which would have been perfect
When it's night, I just squat in the yard away from the house. I'm an idiot and started doing it to help show puppies where to go But there's something humorously rebellious in the act

My daughter showed up with 3 adults- one was the State worker who's always been nice enough to me. She says Zee's permanency plan is still to come home. If I'm being completely honest, I don't want her to come home. I've contributed enough to screwing up my kids. Let the job go to someone more qualified. Turns out "Daniel" isn't Daniel at all, but (if stories are correct) Zee's 5th grade teacher. WTF? My oldest daughter just let it slip. What's wrong with kids these days?
I couldn't buy her the best clothes or whatever in the world else she wanted so she started prostituting herself at 13?!
W.T.F.?! And there I was, obliviously going about my business, knowing something was off but not caring enough about my kids to push uncomfortable issues? Not trusting my gut. Taking the easy/lazy way out. No. I should definitely NOT get my daughter back.

Yes, she would have snuck around. But I made it easy for her. Then again, if I had raised her right to begin with she wouldn't have even snuck around. And since when is snuck not a word. What is it, Sneaked? That just sounds stupid.

Ugh...

BUT, a MAJOR anti-rant is that my p-doc had samples of Nuvigil for me today. He said taking 90 caffeine pills in a months time isn't going to cut it. He said I'll just end up taking more and more. I know this already but what other choices do I have? I can't fork over almost $800. a month for Provigil and I'm sure Nuvigil (which is one generation past Provigil) isn't any cheaper.
The drug reps usually don't give my p-doc samples any more because he doesn't write enough prescriptions for them. I have 5 weeks worth of meds. What shall I do with the time? I'm actually going to be awake AND functioning for a change...

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

rofl Preserver. Pish... squeamish one.
My hubby's a doctor. During his Rotation while training, he delivered over 100 babies. He worked the ER during gross accidents and after violent crimes. Yet, I still cant talk to him about certain things- ESPECIALLY if we're about to eat. I can't help but pick on him.
I'd be one of those morticians you see eating over a corpse... well... if it's a smelly corpse, all bets are off (As if any corpse would smell lovely).
I tried helping hubby remove a decaying deer from a yard one year. Ugh... that didn't end so well, so perhaps I shouldn't pick on people too much about being squeamish

My mom is a nurse, and she has no problem with giving people incisions or injections or placing IVs, but she can't handle watching needles on TV or seeing an incision in a photograph. (I'm glad she can handle it in person, though, or else she'd be out of a job.)

In other news, restaurants and brands and establishments need to stop saying what their political values are. I don't have time to worry about whether eating this food will be supporting this or opposing that. The ONLY thing that could come of that is the company losing customers.

lol It's a very good thing, indeed, that she's not bothered in real life. I wonder why though. Like my hubby- do they face it in real life because they have to? Or do they somehow see/experience it differently as compared to on TV or something?

I read about the Muppets and Chick-filet (sp) too. It's not possible for everyone to agree on everything all the time.
I don't understand why the restaurant made that info public. It sounds like a sort of suicide to me.

I'm full of rants today.
I'm now ranting because my Nuvigil already wore off. But I shouldn't expect miracles. I HAVEN'T been sleeping well for a few days now. PLUS Nuvigil never was as effective as Provigil. Hopefully, I can fall asleep early tonight, wake up and take my med tomorrow and have a productive day.

I'm also ranting because I clicked Senseless Banter 'What's your spirit animal', which kicked my spiritistic side into high gear.
I'm a person of contradictions. LOGICALLY, I believe in the teachings of the Bible and Jehovah's Witnesses. I don't believe in spirits or an eternal soul (resurrection/eternal life is a gift from God and not a guaranty).
BUT!!!!!!! Deep within me, my purely spiritual side, I have always been drawn to Wicca and to the beliefs of the Native Americans etc.
How do you reconcile those 2 beliefs? You can't. It's like being a Christian Witch.
How can you believe in Talismans and spirit animals and not believe in an eternal soul?
For one, I believe talismans and such are merely "connections" between the conscious and subconscious. I feel the "power" is within us so to speak, but objects help us make connections that our rational mind might reject.

So, I want to go on a vision quest of sorts. I want a hallucinogen to help me. I want the Mimosa plant.
BUT
1) What the heck is Root Bark and how do I obtain it lol
2) I've read I'm supposed to mix the Mimosa with something else in order for it to work. But what?
3) I've never tripped before. No one would be with me.
4) When do Morning Glories grow lol, we had some wild ones in our yard last year
5) Would sleep deprivation work as an appropriate medium if I can't figure out 1-4
6) What the heck do people do during so-called Vision Quests? Do they eat? Do they just sit around and think for the recommended 1-2 days? I. Need. More. Data.

So I've been all over the web reading nothing and contradictions and just confusing myself lol

And to top it all off, my eyes are extremely dry, I have a MASSIVE headache in the works, and I'm sick to my stomach because I need to eat something.
Blah.

oh FUCK! Zhay, just typed out a massive response to you and I hit reply and had to log in, then it went back to the reply page with everything gone. oh my god.... fuck that.
I'm gonna let Aly respond to you lol

Oh no! Stupid Log In. Now I'll never know what was written
But thank you anyways, Tommo

My newest rant is that a very old, somewhat dear but mostly annoying friend has re-entered my life. The name of that friend is "Adrenaline Surges"
I'm always a little anxious when interacting with hubby. I tend to walk on eggshells around him so I don't annoy him lol. It's a very minor thing and extends to everyone alive to a lesser degree. Hubby wanted me to go to the Store for him. As I left the house, I was assaulted by those old adrenaline surges. It's been so long since they were last completely around that I had almost forgotten about them.
An hour later, I'm still having them.

It's merely anxiety brought on mostly by the Nuvigil I had taken earlier today. Great. Hopefully, it's just a temporary side effect. Constant adrenaline surges exhaust me, so my body would be relentlessly fighting against the med meant to keep me awake.
But it's physical anxiety only. I am in a tremendously WONDERFUL mood for a change. I mean, a really, REALLY good mood.

I threw up earlier then ate some "Ramen" (not really, but close enough) and I felt almost immediately better. Dear God, "Speed" is such a wonderful thing

And yet, I will not be going to bed early. I could fall asleep right now, but hubby meets with attorney's tomorrow about the Hospital trying to sue him for his practice and he needs to print off a zillion documents but he's exhausted from working all day. He may call later on to have me help him. How I'm supposed to help him make copies, though, is beyond me. Isn't that a one-man sort of job?

Originally Posted by tommo

oh FUCK! Zhay, just typed out a massive response to you and I hit reply and had to log in, then it went back to the reply page with everything gone. oh my god.... fuck that.
I'm gonna let Aly respond to you lol

Poor, tommo.

(Or maybe you're just saying that to get me to type one out so you won't have to do it. )

<---

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

So, I want to go on a vision quest of sorts. I want a hallucinogen to help me. I want the Mimosa plant.
BUT
1) What the heck is Root Bark and how do I obtain it lol
2) I've read I'm supposed to mix the Mimosa with something else in order for it to work. But what?
3) I've never tripped before. No one would be with me.
4) When do Morning Glories grow lol, we had some wild ones in our yard last year
5) Would sleep deprivation work as an appropriate medium if I can't figure out 1-4
6) What the heck do people do during so-called Vision Quests? Do they eat? Do they just sit around and think for the recommended 1-2 days? I. Need. More. Data.

So I've been all over the web reading nothing and contradictions and just confusing myself lol

1) It's the root bark of the plant. As Mimosa hostilis is perfectly legal, it can be purchased online from several herb sites. A friend of mine actually just ordered some from Maya Ethnobotanicals, but there are lots of places to order from.
2) Essentially, your big two options are Banisteriopsis caapi and Peganum harmala (syrian rue). Caapi is the one that was used in the original Ayahuasca ceremonies and has more of the traditional feel to it. However, syrian rue is easier to dose and usually has more consistent chemical contents, but it does also give a bit different of an experience. However, the bulk of the trip will still come from the Mimosa.
3) That is a serious problem if you want to do Ayahuasca. At the very least you NEED to have a trip sitter for it, and I wouldn't personally recommend it without the sitter also being a very experienced tripper. Ayahuasca is one of the really massive psychedelic experiences.
4) Good question. I'm not sure on that one, but morning glories would be a MUCH better first experience. It's easy to take a low dose with them and not be too out of control. They're reminiscent of LSD but lighter (usually) and more natural feeling.
5) No. I can tell you all kinds of alternative experiences, but I'd rather not lol. Most of the non-psychedelic ways of tripping are more for the sake of being fucked up than anything.
6) Depends on what kind of vision quest you're going on, I suppose? With a good dose of a psychedelic you don't actually need to starve yourself or meditate to get visions, though it does help. If you wanted to get a legitimate full-on experience, you'd probably have to go out and find someone who normally guides others in vision quests. I'm afraid I can't help you too much with that one, but people do it.

If you're really serious about this, you should PM me or something so that we don't continue the conversation in this thread. There's a lot you need to be read up on if you want to make sure you do it safely.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

I'm also ranting because I clicked Senseless Banter 'What's your spirit animal', which kicked my spiritistic side into high gear.
I'm a person of contradictions. LOGICALLY, I believe in the teachings of the Bible and Jehovah's Witnesses. I don't believe in spirits or an eternal soul (resurrection/eternal life is a gift from God and not a guaranty).
BUT!!!!!!! Deep within me, my purely spiritual side, I have always been drawn to Wicca and to the beliefs of the Native Americans etc.
How do you reconcile those 2 beliefs? You can't. It's like being a Christian Witch.

Ah, Zhaylin... I sometimes feel like I'm a walking, talking contradiction, the way I think. Not so much with beliefs, because I never give those the proper thought they deserve, but with personality traits. If I have something resembling a "spirit animal" it would probably be the Coyote. He's apparently well-known for contradictions. The page I would have linked to doesn't exist any more... but thanks to the WaybackMachine I still have a way to show it to you.

Two pages, really. This one is to the point:

Originally Posted by http://www.mrkay.org/projects/totems/coyote.htm

Coyote represents the 2 sides of every coin, every issue, every situation (including ourselves), and urges us to examine all the facts before we take a position or offer an opinion. Coyote is duality in everything: wisdom and folly; humor and seriousness; work and play; simplicity and complications — the wise fool. He is the living paradox at the heart of all things. He is here to teach us the value of living and walking in balance.

This one is a lot longer (just short excerpts from both):

Originally Posted by http://web.archive.org/web/20100125164730/http://wolfs_moon.tripod.com/CoyoteTotem.html

***For the two-legged beside whom Coyote walks, there will be an aspect of their personality that is deeply playful and mischievious, yet they are equally capable of deep contemplation and introspection. Though this may at first appear to be a great contradiction, such dichotomy is all a part of the paradoxical Medicine of the Trickster that is both the Wise Sage and the hapless Fool.

It's those contradictions... my whole life seems defined by those. In what should be a "one or the other" decision, I'm always drawn to both sides in different ways. Things are never black and white for me, always grey. ...I'm also a furry, so full disclosure. Take what I say with a grain of salt.

...on second thought, maybe this should have gone in the Spirit Animal thread that was mentioned.

My own rant is that I had a truly bizarre dream. It's also sort of a rave, but anyway... I should post this in the DJ section. It's a little awkward to talk about anyway, so here goes:

Screwed up revision of my life and memories - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views

Just read that and... yeah, you'll see. Weird... and since dreams love playing with emotions, this implanted false memory had very real pain attached. Hence the rant.

The rave? Well, it's entirely different from most of my dreams. Which is a good thing, in my opinion. I'm getting pretty sick of having boring dreams. It's worth putting up with this kind of crap. Besides, it's always funny in hindsight.

Bought some headphones that are made to look like bullets. They sound like crap. But damn they look good.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Poor, tommo.

(Or maybe you're just saying that to get me to type one out so you won't have to do it. )

<---



1) It's the root bark of the plant. As Mimosa hostilis is perfectly legal, it can be purchased online from several herb sites. A friend of mine actually just ordered some from Maya Ethnobotanicals, but there are lots of places to order from.
2) Essentially, your big two options are Banisteriopsis caapi and Peganum harmala (syrian rue). Caapi is the one that was used in the original Ayahuasca ceremonies and has more of the traditional feel to it. However, syrian rue is easier to dose and usually has more consistent chemical contents, but it does also give a bit different of an experience.
There are many sources of MAOI's, which you need unless you smoke it.
However, the bulk of the trip will still come from the Mimosa.
3) That is a serious problem if you want to do Ayahuasca. At the very least you NEED to have a trip sitter for it, and I wouldn't personally recommend it without the sitter also being a very experienced tripper. Ayahuasca is one of the really massive psychedelic experiences.
4) Good question. I'm not sure on that one, but morning glories would be a MUCH better first experience. It's easy to take a low dose with them and not be too out of control. They're reminiscent of LSD but lighter (usually) and more natural feeling. They're not really reliable, as maybe you can remember deery taking it 3 times with no results.
5) Yes.
6) Depends on what kind of vision quest you're going on, I suppose? With a good dose of a psychedelic you don't actually need to starve yourself or meditate to get visions, though it does help. If you wanted to get a legitimate full-on experience, you'd probably have to go out and find someone who normally guides others in vision quests. I'm afraid I can't help you too much with that one, but people do it.
If you smoke it, you'll maybe want someone to talk to afterward, if you drink it, you may need someone to talk you through it.

If you're really serious about this, you should PM me or something so that we don't continue the conversation in this thread. There's a lot you need to be read up on if you want to make sure you do it safely.

Hehe, you basically wrote what I did. With the above alterations, although the alterations are shortened from what I wrote before.

Got my hair cut, requested that I keep moderate height, on the top.
Gets cut extremely short. Are you kidding?!
Like, when I say "I kind of just want it thinned out, and the sides tidied up, and the height the same"
I'm really not using reverse psychology >.<

Originally Posted by yuppie11975

Got my hair cut, requested that I keep moderate height, on the top.
Gets cut extremely short. Are you kidding?!
Like, when I say "I kind of just want it thinned out, and the sides tidied up, and the height the same"
I'm really not using reverse psychology >.<

To a barber/stylist, "shorten up everything a bit" means "REMOVE ALL THE HAIR!"

lol Dakotah, Yuppie, Preserver. But as well.
I've had my share of crappy earbuds. I usually can't wear the things because they give me earaches most of the time. Funny thing though, is that my awesome Bose headphones which completely covered my ears ALSO hurt my ears- but the outside lol. Maybe I just have big ears

And to Yuppie, I've GIVEN my share of bad haircuts. My daughter is STILL angry at me for cutting her hair right below her ears. She, like you, wanted only a little removed. In my defense however, I didn't want to do it to begin with and then she slouched
And if I'm really desperate for a change, I'll pull my hair into a pony tail then cut it off. After that I HAVE to see someone to even it all out I'm too cheap to see anyone otherwise.
A couple summers ago or so I even gave myself an extra short buzz cut.
Take comfort in the fact that it will more than likely grow back.

A million thanks to Aly, Singularity and Tommo. I will definitely be sending PM's out when my brain is less foggy. Hopefully, that will be later this afternoon/early evening lol

I sought out my spirit animal a life time ago it seems. A wolf was revealed to me and I was a little disappointed lol It seemed to me that a Wolf (eagle, bear, tiger etc) would be very common. I was so impressed by the results though, that I wrote them down in a little notebook. I found that notebook after I left such teachings and I threw it away.
I once knew a lot about such practices but I can't remember anything now. It's sad because my most formative years (IMO- 7-18ish) was spent largely in the pursuit of various spiritual paths. I had learned so much but now... it might as well never have happened for what I remember.

Anyhow... I've always been drawn to birds. It doesn't really matter what sort unless it's a powerful predator. I don't feel a connection to those. To top it off, I've always dreamed of flying. And even though I'm a contradiction, I have always been very spiritual. I don't know if those go together, but I feel they do.
More things to consider when my brain is working better

I ended up taking a second Nuvigil. Hubby hadn't called me by 1:30AM but I could see him moving about his house. I knew he would call and he did. He wanted me to take over for him. He was bent over the copier for hours and his back finally rebelled.
I actually shed a couple tears because of his grumbliness. LOGICALLY I knew he was just tired and frustrated and his means meant other than I took them. But then the Drill Sergeant in me kicked my emotional butt for a little while. And I also LOGICALLY knew it was overflow from the physical anxiety as well as sleep deprivation which was making me overly emotional.

When I'm copying things (usually by hand) and I go back to check my progress, I tend to read the first and last words or sentences on the page. I've been alone for so long, I've developed bad habits I talk to myself MUCH more than I ever though lol. So I was sitting on the floor, making the copies then whispering the first and last on the pages copied as well as the originals. Which drove hubby up a wall. He asked me if I could please stop reading the papers. "You're supposed to be copying them, not reading them!"
I was automatically defensive. I'm married to him, yet he doesn't trust me enough to read his legal documents?!!!! RAWRRRR. I KNEW that wasn't the case, but my brain was still like: "How dare he... asshole... No, YOU'RE the asshole self. He's having a tough time... Shut up Brain, he doesn't have to take it out on me! I'm just trying to help." To which my weird self says: "If he can't rant and vent with you, who then? You're safe. You're his wife. Take it..... But it's not fair. I'm not a punching bag.."
But then that still small voice at the very back of my brain says: "Knock it off stupid. You're sleepy, he's stressed and you know he didn't mean it that way. He doesn't like the sound of whispered words."

It didn't end quite there. I called myself an interloper in his life which was perfect because I couldn't remember the definition of the word and as I pondered it, my emotions left

Later, he pointed out some things in the document and then I had to cut and tape other documents together (the pages were too long for a single printing) so I outright asked him "Did my reading the documents irritate you or was it just me reading out loud?"
He confirmed he was annoyed by my reading out loud.

Ugh... I'm writing another Novella aren't I Sorry about that. You guys may be in for a lot more of this until the stimulants level out in my system.

There's just a million things going on in my mind. A lot of stuff I've been too bogged down with life to really think about. I've been too tired to think about. Or too stressed- or whatever- to think about. But I'm awake and alert now so all sorts of stuff are (is?) flying at me at once. Even if no one reads all this, just writing it helps me think more clearly. I searched through threads yesterday and discovered I had last taken Nuvigil around June of last year. It's sad to consider I've been mostly in a mental fog for a year..

It was more than 2 years ago.... why does it still hurt when i look at her photos...?

I like how drug-friendly this place is. Hopefully I'll get my first proper psychedelic experience before too long as well. Though from the looks of it I'll have to either find some liberty caps in a few months when they're in season, or go the RC route.

I have an anti rant, but I'll just put it in here cause I feel more comfortable in this thread
I've finally gotten my Raspberry Pi. It's so much fun to play around with. I wanna go acquire some basic electronic supplies (buy some and, err, borrow some) and try making expansions.

I wanted to get one of those too. I think I'll wait till I learn programming first though. Which I think I will do fairly soon, when I'm not spending all my time looking for a job and worrying about getting a job.
And don't use RC's. Fuck that shit. Use things that have documented use for thousands of years.

Originally Posted by tommo

Hehe, you basically wrote what I did. With the above alterations, although the alterations are shortened from what I wrote before.

Man, you consider sleep deprivation a good experience? I mean, I guess it can be helpful with a vision quest, but alone it's not nearly enough. Without throwing drugs into the mix you won't even start hallucinating for at least four or five days, and even then it'll only be small things, like out of the corners of your eyes. I suppose if you add some of that Nuvigil in.... (But that's a whole other thing. )

Personally, I wouldn't take DMT with any non-harmala MAOIs, at least not for a proper vision quest. I wouldn't smoke it either, unless it was changa. The harmalas are the heart and soul of the experience, and they're much more than just MAOIs; DMT is more like the stage for the visions to play out on. It's just colorful, mechanical nonsense by itself.

What doses did Deery use? I've never found morning glories to be unreliable as long as they're done right. I have a friend who used to do them like every few days to a week, and I've gotten plenty of other friends to use them as well. They're actually one of my favorite experiences.

Originally Posted by khh

I like how drug-friendly this place is. Hopefully I'll get my first proper psychedelic experience before too long as well. Though from the looks of it I'll have to either find some liberty caps in a few months when they're in season, or go the RC route.

I would definitely go for the caps. (Though if you can get it, 4-AcO-DMT would also apply. It metabolizes into psilocin just like psilocybin.) I think psilocin is definitely one of the best "first psychedelic" experiences. Most of the RCs that are actually easy to get or even worth differentiating from psilocin for a first trip are phenethylamines or derivatives thereof, and I think tryptamines make for a much fuller introduction to the psychedelic universe. They're much more dissociative and spiritual on average. For example, say you take a dose where you'd get the same level of strong sensory distortions on the average tryptamine vs phenethylamine. On the latter, you'd have strong fractals and lots of unbelievable visual displays on everything, and you could easily walk around enjoying it all. On the former, you'd have the same thing only you'd be so out of it that you might not even remember who you are, and the thought of moving at all would be a joke; if you even remembered how, you still might be seeing 10-15 of every object around you spiraling around each other and spoked wheels of light. The visuals start disconnecting from your surroundings and begin forming new 3+ dimensional objects and scenes around you and you start having all kinds of out-of-body experiences based on them. Phenethylamines can create those kinds of trips, but they're far less common, and they'll usually be played out in a bit more of a psychotic or salvia-like manner since they tend to have dopaminergic activity that tryptamines lack.

Now, once you have experience the phenethylamines can definitely be cool. They're less "all-encompassing" in my opinion, however what they do have is a rockin' body high and mindset (likely due to the dopaminergic activity) and sensory distortions that are WAY out there (probably because of how dissimilar they are to serotonin, unlike the tryptamines). I personally find synesthesia and delirium much more common on phenethylamines than tryptamines, and those can be pretty cool in the right settings.

Anyway, that's what I think.

LittleZoe. Sorry you're in pain

Khh, congrats on your purchase I like to anti-rant here too. This thread is like my home away from home

I'm going to TRY to go to sleep soon. In between the Nuvigil and listening to Binaurals for the past couple of hours, I'm not sure if sleep will actually come lol

I've really been loving these binaurals (youtube). I seem to gravitate toward Delta and Theta waves. Maybe I'm more of a sleepy/lazy person than I first thought
So... I was making myself listen primarily to Gamma and Beta (but I sampled all of them to reacquaint myself).

As for sleep deprivation... I used to be able to stay awake for days with few immediate effects. If I'm awake for 24 hours now-a-days though, I start seeing "shadows".
When my kids were extremely young (my youngest was an infant), I was so sleep deprived and ? emotionally (empathetically) observant that I saw really freaky things.
As a passenger while my ex was driving, I glanced at the car beside us and saw demons tearing into each other. I looked again and it had only been a couple who were fighting. I also saw a man slumped over his steering wheel with blood everywhere and what looked like a bullet hole through his windshield. I looked a couple more times and it was just a man. He looked very frightened but was completely okay.

There were other such experiences, but those were the first. I was on no medication or drugs. But I did have 4 kids under the age of 5 lol
That's why I always think of sleep deprivation. I must have had experiences with it in my much younger years as well because I can remember joking with my peers (8th-9th grade) and asking them "why would I do drugs and maybe kill myself when I can just skip sleep for a few days with the same results?"
Yeah... I was very anti-drug back then. I wouldn't even take a tylenol

Originally Posted by tommo

I wanted to get one of those too. I think I'll wait till I learn programming first though. Which I think I will do fairly soon, when I'm not spending all my time looking for a job and worrying about getting a job.
And don't use RC's. Fuck that shit. Use things that have documented use for thousands of years.

Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Though currently all I've done with it so far is set it up to function as a server, and have it play a bird chirp when it boots (all my computers are named after birds, and I thought I'd get them all to chirp the appropriate sounds for the bird after which they're named when they start). The real fun will start when I can begin experimenting with my own add-ons connected through the GPIO interface (not that I'm planning on anything fancy, but a bit of experimentation is always fun).

That would be ideal, but it does require you to either find something in nature or find a drug connection. RCs have the advantage of availability and legality (thought the latter is, to be honest, not that important to me). Also "thousands of years" might be a bit overkill, I'd consider LSD to be pretty well-explored by now, and it's only been around since 1943.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

I would definitely go for the caps. (Though if you can get it, 4-AcO-DMT would also apply. It metabolizes into psilocin just like psilocybin.)

... ton of info ...

Anyway, that's what I think.

Yeah, I've considered 4-AcO-DMT but finding a (reasonably) safe vendor proved non-trivial, so I'll just wait until I've tried it the natural way. Maybe I'll revisit the idea if I fail to find any liberty caps.

I've never really seen a general breakdown of tryptamines vs phenethylamines like that before. That's interesting. And yeah, synesthesia is one of the things I'd like to experience, but all in good time. Delirium never sounded too good to me, though

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

As for sleep deprivation... I used to be able to stay awake for days with few immediate effects. If I'm awake for 24 hours now-a-days though, I start seeing "shadows".
When my kids were extremely young (my youngest was an infant), I was so sleep deprived and ? emotionally (empathetically) observant that I saw really freaky things.
As a passenger while my ex was driving, I glanced at the car beside us and saw demons tearing into each other. I looked again and it had only been a couple who were fighting. I also saw a man slumped over his steering wheel with blood everywhere and what looked like a bullet hole through his windshield. I looked a couple more times and it was just a man. He looked very frightened but was completely okay.

There were other such experiences, but those were the first. I was on no medication or drugs. But I did have 4 kids under the age of 5 lol
That's why I always think of sleep deprivation. I must have had experiences with it in my much younger years as well because I can remember joking with my peers (8th-9th grade) and asking them "why would I do drugs and maybe kill myself when I can just skip sleep for a few days with the same results?"
Yeah... I was very anti-drug back then. I wouldn't even take a tylenol

That's pretty crazy. However, that's also the reason that sleep deprivation isn't really a good option here, at least not as the main venue. The hallucinations will all be things like that... nothing meaningful in any way, but just frightening or confusing.

Originally Posted by khh

That would be ideal, but it does require you to either find something in nature or find a drug connection. RCs have the advantage of availability and legality (thought the latter is, to be honest, not that important to me). Also "thousands of years" might be a bit overkill, I'd consider LSD to be pretty well-explored by now, and it's only been around since 1943.

...

Yeah, I've considered 4-AcO-DMT but finding a (reasonably) safe vendor proved non-trivial, so I'll just wait until I've tried it the natural way. Maybe I'll revisit the idea if I fail to find any liberty caps.

I've never really seen a general breakdown of tryptamines vs phenethylamines like that before. That's interesting. And yeah, synesthesia is one of the things I'd like to experience, but all in good time. Delirium never sounded too good to me, though

Many synthetics are not all that bad, but don't kid yourself into thinking that you'll actually be able to get real, potent LSD for your very first time. The chances are low. You also won't be able to tell the difference from the trip alone without any experience. More than likely you'll end up with something either very weak or not LSD at all. Most often things that are sold as LSD are the DOx chemicals, some of the psychedelic amphetamines (which fall into the phenethylamine category).

Synesthesia is great, especially on phenethylamines. A couple times on low doses of 2C-I I've actually mistakenly thought my trip was over until I realized that I'd just zoned out and the music stopped playing. The difference can be pretty significant, after I started the music again the visuals came back really strong. Phenethylamines (especially MDMA and its analogues) are made for partying.

Not everyone likes delirium or tripping really hard, but I think it's great fun as long as you can handle it well. Once when I was on 90 mg of 2C-I I walked into my living room and zoned out while everything was becoming cubist-painting-like, and then suddenly the room was filled with these transparent blue female ghosts. They chased me back to my room and I jumped on to the bed and rolled over, and they were all floating above me as I stared at the ceiling. They started whooshing past me and kind of phasing through me/merging with me, and as they went they would be moaning and stuff along the way and as their energy connected with mine I felt as though each atom in my body would vibrate furiously and send out bursts of energy that caused waves of orgasmic pleasure which would then hit all the atoms around them and cause a chain reaction until finally the feelings died out, but by then they'd already be passing through me again. Now, obviously that kind of experience isn't a given... but isn't it worth the risk to get it as long as it's a possibility at all? XD

Going to community college instead of away to a university like I thought I would.

There has been a drive by and a bomb explosion about a block away from me. Come on! I'm in a town with 14,000 people. We can barely call this a city. and I live in the middle class part of it! But it doesn't worry or scare me. I think I'm ready for new York!

My mom has paranoid personality disorder (officially undiagnosed, but she qualifies for 6/7 of the DSM requirements, the 7th is something personal that only she could validate--I've gone over this with a few psychologists and a couple psychiatrists), and has recently discovered Facebook. She spends 2+ hours a day looking for anything that's different from yesterday (or the last refresh) on the site, and attributes any neutral comment or action by a friend as negative (removing pictures, detagging people, other people's change in security settings, not receiving any comments on her bi-daily status updates (which are either mundane or accusatory) or photo uploads) as sure-fire evidence that her friends and relatives are lying, backstabbing, manipulative, nasty people. She then spends 3+ hours on the phone lamenting to other friends (and interrogating relatives) about their Facebook activities.

Dear God, the hounds of hell have been unleashed. And they are fat, gossiping beagles.

Sometimes it really feels like my husband and I are the only people our age who don't drink/smoke/do drugs. It makes it incredibly hard to find friends. Sometimes I think that it would be better to just accept the offers to meet for drinks or get together at a bar with people just so we could actually have a social life, but I refuse to get dragged into that shit again. I worked way too hard for my sobriety to fuck it up. Sigh.

My rant: I was going to smoke salvia today when I got home. I was so amped for it ("so amped"), but then when I got here my mom had come home early from work. I guess I can smoke it later tonight if I still want, but the mood for it was so right.... *sigh*

Originally Posted by brokedownheart

Sometimes it really feels like my husband and I are the only people our age who don't drink/smoke/do drugs. It makes it incredibly hard to find friends. Sometimes I think that it would be better to just accept the offers to meet for drinks or get together at a bar with people just so we could actually have a social life, but I refuse to get dragged into that shit again. I worked way too hard for my sobriety to fuck it up. Sigh.

I don't know how old you are, but I wake up and fall asleep thinking about, dream about, eat, and breath drugs, and I still hang out with people who are totally straight-edge. They're out there... just don't give up the search and you'll come across them eventually, I promise.