I don't know if it's the rain but I feel horrible today. Depressed in some chemical way that I can't control. In one of those moods where even the way I write is annoying me. I feel like a stupid teenager and have to think way too hard just to write something that doesn't sound like that. Not even sure what I'm saying but I'm annoying myself so much I should probably stop typing.
I've been neglecting to attend most of my lectures this semester. My reasoning is always that there's no point in attending a lecture when I haven't yet caught up to the material from last class and I'll have no idea what the professor is talking about. But not attending sends me even more behind. After 2 weeks of class, there's one lecture in particular that I've only attended 3 classes for, so I've missed 2/3 of them.
I'm in 3rd year, but am taking one second year course because it's a prerequisite for a required course. I had to meet with an advisor for an unrelated reason, who informed me I didn't need to take that class, and if I do it will discount my transfer credit for another course I've taken, because apparently the school considers those two courses to be equivalent (even though it said nothing about that on the course listings). And it's been obvious so far in the class, that the material is kind of below my level, though I am learning some new things so it isn't completely useless education-wise. Although the advisor suggested I sign up for another class instead (back two weeks ago), after looking at my unappealing options I decided to stay in that class. At least it would boost my GPA, and although there's no point credit-wise, no one has to know that but me. I never told my parents.
I have what I feel is a huge problem that I've been worrying about for a while. There's a TA (teacher's assistant) in that class who attends a required lab once a week on Fridays. Well, I was in that class that's lectures I've been skipping, finally forcing myself to attend, when someone who looked like that same TA sat next to me. I spent the rest of the class paranoid that it was the same girl, and that she was wondering why I was in there, how I could be taking a second year course and be in that relatively difficult class for which the former course should be a prerequisite. I wasn't sure that it was her at the time, but after some snooping online I discovered that it definitely is her. I still don't know if she even noticed me or not. Maybe that's why she sat next to me. I'm afraid that tomorrow she'll say something to me. Ask me what year I'm in, what other classes I'm taking. and then it will be extremely awkward because she's equal to me in one class and above me in another. It makes me feel... guilty, like I'm faking and she knows it. I better stop typing now. I could type for pages but have to get things done today. I don't know how these always end up so long. I don't think I said much at all. How the hell do other people make their posts so condensed?
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