lucid

My first dream involved my long lost brother, who was in a school shooting(he was the shooter) and we were dealing with the consquences.
NOTE: this is at least my 3rd dream involving my "brother". In ever dream he has something tragic happen to him. Also note: I don't have a brother, and never have, but my dad was a sperm donor, so these dreams really make me wonder...

ok, so this LD lasted SO long, it felt like HOURS. But there was so much jumping around that sadly, I've already lost most of it.

I was in some place, realizing I was lucid, staring at the wall to stabilize. Then I spun to stabilize more, and that's where the adventures begin. I went outside and looked at the stars, they were so bright that I wanted to be in them, so I jumped up once, but failed to get anywhere, the second time I jumped up and I went so high, into the universe. The earth became small and I zoomed past constellations that were lit up and connected by lines so I could see. I was going far from earth, and I realized I didn't want to be stuck somewhere in space, so I flew back down so I could see earth, and decided to fly down to Bondi Beach, Australia.
what did I do then you ask? Well, I went in the water and started drowning so that one of the hot lifeguards from the tv show Bondi Rescue would save me! And sure enough, one of them came and rescued me, and it was epic. The things I did after that I either want to keep private or don't remember enough to tell, but the lucidity lasted A LONG time. I tried to remember my goals but failed on that part.

A student discovered a new planet, we were teleported there. It was bright and colorful and beautiful, but was also inhabited by some creatures that looked like people. "wow, so there IS life on other planets," I thought. At first we were being careful exploring this planet, and some of the creatures would try to attack us. A bunch of stuff happened that I don't remember and led to ME singing on stage with Christina Grimmie and, eventually, the queen of England joined in! Whaaaaaat. It was a great moment. We were all belting out "Let It Go" from Frozen.

I started taking a new medication and it causes me to sleep like a rock, which has caused some scary and weird experiences.

The other morning, I realized I was dreaming. I was in my room and I wanted to wake up. I tried, and couldn’t. I was laying in bed shaking and screaming. I fell off the bed and banged my head on the lamp side table. On the ground I was thrashing around SO hard and finally woke up, making a startled noise IRL which caused my boyfriend to notice.

The next morning, it happened again. I was stuck in a dream. But this time I used to to my advantage, and decided to LD. I held my hand up to summon M, and it worked but she looked different. It was a young woman with reddish brown short hair and a scarf in her hair. I asked her “does the dream mean anything??” And she replied “you’re crazy if you think it means anything” and started laughing. More people from the show joined in with her and started taunting and laughing at me. I was furious and knew that this wasn’t really M.

I haven't been on my dream recall game lately but today I was smacked with a couple lucids during a nap. I think I might have gotten lucid a total of 3 times, but these are the two I remember the best:

I was napping and kept going in and out of sleep, or at least that's what I thought. I was pretty much aware the whole time that I was dreaming. So, in this dream I was standing in a cafeteria at some kind of workplace or something, looking at a microwave. I realized, "hey, I'm dreaming, I have to remember this." So, what to do? I looked around the cafeteria and there's a door open and outside is an ocean and a beautiful, fake sunset. I contemplate flying out into the sunset but figure I'd done that enough, so decided to try to summon M. I stared at the back of a lady's head and focused. When she turned around, it was just some old woman. So, I tried to summon Andrew. I focused really hard with my hand out in front of me and made him appear, but his face and body were so glitchy I could barely tell who it was. Then I lost it, and I "woke up".

I heard music coming from down the stairs, and I thought it was my grandpa playing music. Then, I heard music coming through my ears. It was the Avett Brothers. I figured I must have fallen asleep with my headphones on, and was annoyed because I thought it would be hard to sleep with the music, even though all this itself was part of a dream. I "wake up" in my bed, know that I am dreaming. I go down the stairs and see my grandpa sitting on the couch, but decide to ignore him. I think of what my dream goals are, and remember one of them is to build something. I think about building a bridge on the lake but it's too far away and I'm scared I'll wake up trying to get there. So instead, I crouch on the floor and put my hand out. I focus hard and make a toy wood log appear. I decide to make a toy log house. I get the base down, but can't get any further before I wake up for real.

Even though I'm not recording my dreams on the daily, I feel like I'm getting better at being more aware while dreaming.

E. I was in this park, there was this black picnic table and this guy named.. Justin? He seemed like he needed help. So I went over to him and asked him if he was alright. He said he was completely fine, nothing wrong with him. There was a black journal notebook on the table. I picked it up and screened through it, looking for a note. But all that was there were complex math problems. I just got the feeling that soon he would not be okay, so I told him that I would be around, and he can call me any time. I then flew upwards, swimming towards the sky.

In a fragment, I was on a tall ledge inside some kind of mall or building. I was there with Brittany, my mom, and Brittany's mom. All of a sudden, both of our moms jumped off the ledge. For a second I felt like time stopped, my mom was dead, my life was over. And then I realized, hey, this is stupid. This is a dream. So I walk away to go do something fun but lose it.

Nice to have a couple LDs since I've been having trouble with this lately, even if they were short.

I was suddenly getting married to my boyfriend. The whole thing was set up in no time, on the upper floor of some building in a city. I was in my wedding dress facing my boyfriend, red roses in my hand. I was thinking, "I didn't even get to walk down the isle, or plan anything for this wedding. It's just happening. And what's up with the red roses bouquet?" So, in no time, we are "married." He goes in to hug me and I'm thinking, what are you doing, we're supposed to kiss. So I kiss him, and everyone claps, but its a pathetic kiss, so I kiss him two more times followed by more clapping. I realize he didn't even give me a ring, so I make a mental note to search for the cheap ring he gave me earlier in the year somewhere in my bedroom(in RL he actually found it on the ground somewhere lol). So, we're married. I'm standing next to the big windows that look out onto the city next to my sister and the dream starts fading. That's when I realize, this is a dream. I decide to ditch the whole scene and fly out through the windows and over the city. I see two buildings where there are people standing on top of them. I am searching for someone or something to do. I land on one of the buildings with the people, I can feel the dream being unstable. The people are acting like they're at the beach, playing in the sand, and there are kids, but they are on top of a 70 story + building. I don't find what I'm looking for and wake up.

I think this was another DEILD. I am in my old house, I go outside. It's night time. I thought flying was fun in the first LD so decide to do it again and get somewhat high but then wake up again.

Nice to have a couple LDs since I've been having trouble with this lately, even if they were short.

I was suddenly getting married to my boyfriend. The whole thing was set up in no time, on the upper floor of some building in a city. I was in my wedding dress facing my boyfriend, red roses in my hand. I was thinking, "I didn't even get to walk down the isle, or plan anything for this wedding. It's just happening. And what's up with the red roses bouquet?" So, in no time, we are "married." He goes in to hug me and I'm thinking, what are you doing, we're supposed to kiss. So I kiss him, and everyone claps, but its a pathetic kiss, so I kiss him two more times followed by more clapping. I realize he didn't even give me a ring, so I make a mental note to search for the cheap ring he gave me earlier in the year somewhere in my bedroom(in RL he actually found it on the ground somewhere lol). So, we're married. I'm standing next to the big windows that look out onto the city next to my sister and the dream starts fading. That's when I realize, this is a dream. I decide to ditch the whole scene and fly out through the windows and over the city. I see two buildings where there are people standing on top of them. I am searching for someone or something to do. I land on one of the buildings with the people, I can feel the dream being unstable. The people are acting like they're at the beach, playing in the sand, and there are kids, but they are on top of a 70 story + building. I don't find what I'm looking for and wake up.

I think this was another DEILD. I am in my old house, I go outside. It's night time. I thought flying was fun in the first LD so decide to do it again and get somewhat high but then wake up again.

my sleep patterns have been all kinds of messed up recently, so while I'm trying to fix that here's a short, sweet entry:

I was being chased by this person in this maze of a thousand rooms. Each room was completely different from the previous, and it was actually pretty cool. I was going so fast, opening a new door that would lead to a new room each time. I stopped in one room, and there was a table with a bowl on top. This is when I kinda had to take a poop, and I sorta realized I was dreaming. I thought to myself, "hey wouldn't that be funny if I took a shit on this fancy ass table?" So I got up on there but I think I woke before I did the deed.

Happy New Year!! I got a great start to mine - a nice solid lucid!
For the past week I have been working hard to try to lucid dream and remember my dreams. It's starting to pay off! though my dream recall still SUCKS.

early dreams:

I was in the mountains. It was so incredibly beautiful and I wanted to move there but things kept holding me back and I was so sad about it. I wanted to stay in those snow covered towering high mountains forever.

I was in caves. I was lucid and and excited. It seemed to last awhile and I let the dream take me wherever, part of which I remember crawling through caves. Eventually though, I lost the lucidity and the caves became scary.

My boyfriend woke me and said goodbye and went off to work. I knew I had to try to fall asleep so I could get a lucid in!

I was in my old house with my parents, sister, and grandpa. It was painted all white and empty except furniture. Everyone was sad and stressed for some reason. My sister was eating something like trail mix, she started choking and I said, "are you ok??" and she says, "no" but I realize she is fake choking. My dad says something like, "she just wanted you to practice your emotions." WTF. I was angry. I stormed off to my old room and there I find my mom, smoking a cigarrette, and my grandpa on the floor with his eyes closed, he looked dead but wasn't. I say, "hey, I need a cigarette!(neither of us smoke IRL) and take it from her and take a huff. Then my sis comes in and joins.

I am in my bed, which is kind of like a bunk bed, and start going to sleep. This is a dream itself though, and my mom is walking around. I try to block her out, close my eyes. I get warped into a new dream, I am standing in the living room. It's night time and I'm staring at the giant window that's decorated in xmas decorations and a bunch of lights. I focus on one to stabilize the dream, and it works. I don't know what to do, but I don't want to stay inside so I go out into the night. I notice a few things, like the tree in the front yard by the driveway, a giant blow up snow globe santa thing, and on the street two cars are parked. Standing by the cars are two girls, around my age. I walk up and see they are digging through stuff in their cars. I stand in front of one of the girls. She has blond straight hair, with smokey makeup and long earrings. We start dancing and a song blares in the background, it sounds to be a young but seasoned singer and I try to remember the lyrics. "Desire is a compassion burned fire" We dance and it's amazing and then we KISS and it's fire. I decide to wake up after this because I thought my mom had been waiting for me to wake up, even though that part was just a dream. I wake up in my real bed.

Recently I've been trying to get back into this. I know I say that every time. But it's almost a new year so thought I'd try. Here's a lucid from a few nights ago

I was dreaming, I "woke up" on the couch in the living room, which is where I was in RL, and thought I'd try to LD. I thought I was awake, so I "fell asleep" and went right into the lucid. It was night time. I was in the backyard of someone's house, and there was a tent in the middle of the yard. Right away I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to see someone who had recently passed away, DR. So I asked her to appear, as I walked around and around this tent. There was this miniature doll like house that I considered going in to explore, but decided to stick to the plan. It wasn't working, so I closed my eyes and pictured her standing in front of me. I opened my eyes, nothing, then I woke up for real.

I felt funny. This was definitely a dream. I was in a huge empty room with white walls and plain grey pillars. There was a ledge, and on top I noticed a woman. "It's M," I thought, attempting to make her appear. And it actually worked, it was her. She climbed down from the ladder. Her hair was long and wavy, a shade of reddish brown. She was wearing a white top and light blue pants. Desperately, I asked her, "WHAT DOES THE DREAM MEAN?!?" She replied with, "Re-birth." I said, "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??" and she replied with something I don't remember, but I didn't understand her answer at all. I looked down and noticed she was pregnant. She said one more thing that I don't remember and then I lost the dream. I then had sleep paralysis. I tried to move but couldn't, but remained calm because I knew what this was. So I just kind of laid there until I was able to wake myself up.

Notes: Well, Okay. This is the closest I've come in years, so I suppose that's progress. But what does "re-birth" mean? And was that really M? She was pregnant so that doesn't really make sense.
I want to try again in my next lucid, but this time go to the actual place of the dream, my old home, on my driveway.

I was in my aunt's house and this lady was super angry with me because she thought I did something(like disrespect her dead husband or something). As more time went by, she started getting furious. She started taking my things, my phone, my clothes, and putting them in the room where she was. She was turning evil, and it was freaking me the fuck out. So I ran out of there, down the street. I saw a sketchy looking guy and said, "PLEASE, CAN I BORROW YOUR PHONE? I NEED TO CALL 911 RIGHT NOW" and he gave me a weird look, said "sure" and thew his phone at me. It was a Samsung and I had no idea how to use it(things are difficult in dreams, okay?) I realized that he had stolen the phone and was trying to get rid of it, so I didn't touch it. I kept running until I saw a man, Hurley from Lost, in a convenience store. I said, "CAN I BORROW YOUR PHONE??" and at first he said no, so I said, "PLEASE, I NEED TO CALL 911. YOU CAN EVEN DIAL IT FOR ME" So he dials 911 but lets me press "call" and at first I hear static, then a woman's voice. "HELLO?" I say, my voice shaking and scared. She says something like, "It's okay. I understand what you are going through. You'll be okay through this." Like what? I didn't even tell her my problem! So anyhow, I told her but then woke up.

I'm at my house on a dark and snowy night. I hear a roar and look outside and to my surprise, there's a lion perched on a low-hanging tree branch in the backyard. It roars some more and I think, how can this be possible? A lion in these parts? It must be a dream. I look down at my hands. Everything is fuzzy and hard to see. I spin to try to stabilize, then start calling her name. "Where are you, ___? Then, people appear before me and at first I think one of them is her, but it's not. They are men and women dressed as characters from the bible but they are cartoons. I ask them, where is ___? "We haven't seen her in years," they reply. I was frustrated. Then, the dream zooms out across an ocean where a cartoon fish sticks its head up from under the water and says, talking to her, "You know, ___, you have to learn to swim before you learn to fly"(or something like that). Then I lose it and wake up.

So... like the millionth summoning fail. Unless you count the bible cartoon characters I summoned, or maybe they just appeared, I don't know.

Lately 90% of my dreams have been super emotional, like about suicide or murder or just... emotional things.

Not sure if these dreams connect but first I was pet-sitting dogs with my mom and then I was a little girl(not myself) and fed up with life, or something. I don't quite remember what led me to this, if it was the shitty pet-sitting or what, but I went to a cliffside and decided to jump off into the water. I woke up in the hospital and realized my body was half metal. The doctor had saved me, but with a cost. My mom(not my real mom, the little girl's mom) was with me. My body felt foreign and weird and it was hard to control it. Months, years went by as I remained trapped in the hospital.

One time, I had to use the bathroom. This is gonna sound gross, but when I tried to go it was like.. it sprayed everywhere because I couldn't control my new body. Yeah. Anyway, when I left the bathroom stall I saw Ashley from Revenge and some fine-looking man. I realized I was dreaming. I wanted to attempt a TOTM but I couldn't think of what it was, I only remembered the one from last month, which was to ask for a joke, which I didn't do. Ash started talking dirty to me and then I ended up with the guy.. yeah.

So then I have a flashback to when I jumped off the cliff, but this time I notice that my doctor is there, and he's the one that convinced me to jump. So I realized it was his fault all along that I ended up half-cyborg. He wanted to experiment on me so he made me do this. I was pissed. Also, during this scene, I was an observer, and I saw myself try to jump off the cliff and a boy(maybe 14 years old) try to stop me from jumping and it made me smile.

Then, I was back in the hospital with my mom and she was annoying me. I shouted at her, "It's almost my eighteenth birthday(wow I was in there for a long time)! Go away!" implying that once I turned 18 I would have nothing to do with her.

I skipped a few days writing down my dreams because I haven’t been sleeping very well but I’m up north now and sleeping like a rock.

-Harry Potter dream where I’m trying to defeat the Dark Lord

D1: I was at some train tracks with 3 other people who I didn’t know but had met in the dream. I was watching them cross the train tracks and trains were coming from both sides(there were two sets of tracks). I yelled for them to hurry up but they were taking their sweet time. They made it across, but I noticed this man, maybe in his late 60’s, sitting on the tracks. I didn’t know if he was there on purpose or if he was going to move at the last second, so I just watched. The train hit him.

Now I was at my house, it was a flashback to before the man had died. I had a “feeling” that he was in danger, kinda like Allison Dubois from tv show Medium. I called his number, which was only two numbers, 75. My dad tried to stop me because he didn’t want me to bother him, but I had to call. He answered. “Hello” he mumbled, sounding very depressed. “I uh.. just wanted to know if you’re okay. It’s perfectly fine if you’re not okay, and I have a strong feeling you’re not.” He says nothing and hangs up.

D2: I was in a waterpark and this girl was telling about her experience drowning. I was transported to a very, very large pool with a huge drop off from the edge of the pool to the water, and very deep water(maybe 100-200 feet). I was terrified. Some time during this dream I was drowning and it felt like I couldn't breathe. I was thinking about how I have a phobia of deep pools and was wondering if there was a word for the phobia, but I realized I was dreaming. The dream wasn’t very stable so I rubbed my hands together and then I yelled “CLARITY” and it kinda felt like I yelled that in RL too. I knew I would lose the dream soon so I decided to jump off the edge because I wasn’t scared anymore. It was a very peaceful, relaxing feeling and then I woke up in a FA and tried to write down my dream.

Seriously, Melatonin fucks with your dreams. It's been causing me to have such strange dreams that are constantly changing.

I took one the other day too and had a dream that instead of carving a pumpkin I was carving a cat.

I took one last night:

I was watching the news on TV and the guy had just reported some sad news about a suicide(s) and he was telling viewers to call 1-800-PURPOSE if they felt suicidal. When I woke up, I was surprised that it was actually a valid number, although when I looked it up I think it's actually an electronics company number or something.

I looked down at my hands and had more fingers than normal. I was outside my house I think, but it was jungle-like and covered in grass. I was more excited than usual so I was losing it. I focused on grass, then spun, which helped. I looked around for someone to bite(for the task of the month) but there was no one. I got too excited and woke in a FA and tried to write down my dream in a Sticky Note on my computer but it was all gibberish.

I've been having such short LDs lately, I really need to work on stabilization. But I have been having them every 2-4 nights, which is an improvement.

I was with Brittany and was watching an old home movie recording of her dresser when she was little. "You should save this! It shows the clothes you wore when you were younger." Then, we were IN the home movie, looking through her dresser. I found clothes in there that were actually mine, so I took them back. I realized the sun was setting soon and we were now in a tropical paradise so I wanted to go outside and watch it. So we went outside onto the beach. It was a beautiful sight, a colorful sunset, a red moon on the left of the skyline, and another white moon on the right. I had my feet in the water and noticed outlines of something in the sand under the water. "What are those?" I asked. "Turtles." My sister pulls one out and it's this frog-like turtle creature. She keeps pulling them out and she pulls out a small alligator, then a large alligator, which makes me step away. A trainer appears and prepares to do tricks with the alligator..

Don't remember much. Main reason I'm posting this is to record the sleep paralysis I experienced, which I think is only the second time ever that I experienced it. Quite scary.

-4 people dying in a beautiful tragedy style dream

-I'm on the street by my house french kissing everyone I see. I realize I'm lucid, and decide to go to my neighbor's house to see who's home but I wake up.

-I died and went to heaven. I'm opening drawers that when you open them seem to go on forever.

I wake up, but I can't move. I can't even open my eyes. It's scary but I figure I'll come out of it eventually I try to fall back asleep in hope that when I wake up I won't be paralyzed anymore, but I somehow am finally able to move. Sometime during this I hear things like my dad in my room(in RL he's not at the house) and my dog(also not here in RL). Weird dream-like state.