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    About Blue_Opossum

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    Date of Birth
    December 20
    About Blue_Opossum
    Born in Punta Gorda, Florida; married (and moved to Australia) in 1994. We have five children. Really enjoy (old style) dub reggae. I am of a mixed racial background including Native American (although people thought I was Asian during my school years - that's the South for you) and wife is Roma/Romani authentic older gypsy clan from Hungary. The world is strange and contrary and I do not "get" it at all. Ha. I don't believe in anything occult or New Age (or even psychological for that matter); in fact, rarely believe anything I read, yet we enjoy life on this crazy backwards planet. I've followed my path and learned a lot of how dreams are far beyond what most people think they are and wouldn't have done it differently for anything. I mostly do legitimate work in education as well as my own music.
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    Computers, music, logic puzzles, mathematics, paranormal
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    The Aquarium of Odd Lifeforms

    by Blue_Opossum on Today at 10:23 AM
    Morning of January 21, 2018. Sunday.

    This type of aquarium-based dream was more common when I was a teenager. (An aquarium typically represents the nature of the dream state itself as relative to the dream self’s faux mind and its transition back into consciousness.)

    My dream begins in the southwest bedroom of the Cubitis house. I am sitting on the bed (which is aligned east to west near the south windows) and facing the doorway. Also on the bed is a large but shallow rectangular aquarium. A smaller end is closest to the doorway. I had been watching the water getting higher until it is about half the depth of the aquarium.

    There are a number of unusual small creatures in the aquarium, the largest being a multicolored flatworm of about four inches long, which I view as intriguing.

    Marilyn (an older half-sister on my mother’s side) eventually comes into the room. I tell her about the flatworm as she looks at it.

    There are some very unlikely living creatures as well, including oversized diatoms, one which looks like a tiny rocking chair (of less than an inch high) with a cape attached to the back. The cape has a floral pattern. Another is a heraldic shield (escutcheon) with wings, also less than an inch high. The “rocking chair” swims with its “cape”, the “shield” with its “wings”.

    Eventually, there are a couple larger creatures, though I soon notice the water lowering. I also somehow pour out some of the water and suddenly, all the creatures simultaneously turn into small transparent ovals, as if the sudden lack of water caused them to cease to exist in their normal form as well as all die at the same time. This surprises me.

    Later, I have my aquarium outside in an unknown location. It is implied to be our backyard, though the house does not look familiar. There are no fences, though there is a sequence of several backyards in front of me and behind me. There is a dense forest off to my left. Zsuzsanna is present. A few other people are also around, but I am not focused on who they might be. Two small creatures (“rocking chair” and “shield”) are similar to how they originally appeared, as I had put more water into my aquarium again, which caused some of them to come back to life, more in the manner of a fast-growing seed. There are also now a couple of miniature mammals. One is a tiny bear (not a bear cub but a miniature adult bear). I am somewhat wary about it eventually growing much bigger. I recall that Zsuzsanna and I had recently watched a movie about a black bear posing a threat to a suburban neighborhood.

    I pick up the miniature bear, taking it out of my aquarium and placing it on the ground to my left, thinking that it may run off into the forest, which is what I would like it to do. It is now about the size of a cat. Instead, it runs off to my right, closer to the back of our house, which Zsuzsanna and I are somewhat concerned about (though there is no implied threat).

    Current conscious self threads with literal context: My dream self (personified subconscious) recalls that I am married to Zsuzsanna and that we have children, but I have no recall of where we live in reality (my most common dream state memory anomaly). My dream renders a fictional setting (though ambiguously combined with a real setting from my youth) that my dream self accepts as legitimate (a main factor of the dream state). The flatworm was influenced by our youngest son’s toy sticky slug that he had shown me a day ago, though it differs from my dream in that the toy is solely gray. Although the miniature bear in my dream’s final scene is of a literal thread of recent memory (in addition to the childhood association described below), relating to a movie Zsuzsanna and I had watched the night before, my memory is incorrect in that the movie, “Unnatural” (2016), featured a huge polar bear (with altered DNA) in Alaska and only as a threat to a few people in one lodge in an isolated region, not a black bear in a forest’s warm climate near a residential neighborhood as my dream self incorrectly recalled. (However, we had also seen a movie a couple days ago with a scene of a grizzly bear attacking a man, though this was also in a cold region; “The Revenant” from 2015.)

    Older conscious self threads with literal context: The miniature bear (before growing somewhat) was originally of an identical size as a mother bear in a model kit, “Black Bear and Cubs”, that my older sister Carol sent me for Christmas in 1972 (though one of many kits she sent me in the same package) while I was living in Cubitis. Marilyn seemed as she did in the 1970s. My attempting to recall whether or not she was still alive (she died on February 13, 2014), even though she was perceived as alive and in the room with me, is a type of memory ambiguity common to the dream state though of which could not occur in wakeful consciousness and is proof that I am aware, though on a subliminal level, that I am dreaming. (Subliminal lucidity is far more common for me than what is claimed by society as non-lucidity.)

    Literal induction thread: The bed at the beginning is both an induction factor and a dream state indicator. It is a subliminal thread of memory recognizing that I had gone to sleep (unrelated to the myth of “interpretation”).

    Metaphorical induction thread: The literal bed dream state indicator, as an induction factor, is combined with my most common metaphorical dream state induction symbolism, water rising. Water and water rising symbolizes sleep and entering deeper into the dream state.

    There is very slight vestibular system symbolism here. This would be the two smaller creatures, where one has a cape and the other, wings. Additionally, it reflects the nature of RAS mediation, the shield as a factor of “shielding” myself from RAS and the other, in contrast (the rocking chair), just being passive while “watching” my dream. A rocking chair also has a link to vestibular system symbolism, as it rocks back and forth. Additionally, a cape is a dream state indicator as it typically relates to an association with bed sheets.

    Although the common water lowering waking symbolism occurs, I (subliminally) reinduce my dream for a short time, though which soon triggers a RAS mediation factor (the bear) in the final scene. However, the bear does not grow very large or become a threat, and I do not run from it. It moves from my left to my right (common waking orientation symbolism), going towards our backyard, symbolizing my inevitable return to consciousness.


    The Door Knocker Transformation

    by Blue_Opossum on 01-16-2018 at 05:39 PM
    Morning of January 14, 2018. Sunday.

    On the threshold of doorway symbolism (a door being a liminal space divider between the dream self and the conscious self), by which I always either leave the dream state or trigger a higher level of lucidity, I focus on an antique bronze lion face door knocker (lucidity stabilizer which also gives respect to the nature of RAS mediation). Placing my hand upon it, I feel a curious vibration, with a vague awareness of humming. (This is a common perception in dreams of augmented awareness.) It vibrates a bit more when I touch more of it. I feel very aware, secure, and loved.

    Thinking back to a vivid childhood dream, the lion head becomes a triceratops head. I consider the horns as being an odd feature for a door knocker, but it does not concern me. I move my hand over it and it recedes into the door itself (a possible influence from the pin art desk toy that our youngest son owns).

    I become aware of liminal space to a greater extent, the autosymbolism being a parking lot (a very common liminal space marker for me since childhood). I see a large metal model of a triceratops in the area. As I focus on it more deliberately, it becomes “alive” to some extent (emergent consciousness factor). It reminds me vaguely of a Transformer (Dinobot “Slug”), and speaks in a layered metallic voice (though I do not grasp the words, though I get the impression it relates to my physical body; my muscles or cells). However, without paying much notice to the waking transition, it resolves as being our youngest son, cheerfully talking about Transformers in his normal human voice. My dream brought me comfort and no dominant or aggressive RAS mediation was rendered (due to my willingness to let my dream fade on its own). (This relates to the “transformation” of the dream self back into the conscious self identity.)

    This dream’s autosymbolism that represents the waking process is the same theme as various past dreams since early childhood, where the RAS mediation factor, starting out as potentially threatening, transforms more smoothly into the human emergent consciousness factor. (The supposed potential “threat” is often only by implication of its form, not necessarily with my dream self seeing it as such. One example is the dream where I had a passive pet tiger that eventually became anthropomorphic and slowly transformed into Charles Bronson who I talked to in friendly conversation, also ending near a parking lot. Another example is the dream where I stared down a lion in the living room until it became an unknown male that I had a conversation with.)


    Known Key Symbolism 2018: Hypnagogia and Sleep Paralysis

    by Blue_Opossum on 01-14-2018 at 11:19 AM
    Morning of January 9, 2018. Tuesday.

    This is part five of my prefatory series. It will only be viable (within a main index) on my main dream journal. So far, I have explained, as concisely as I could, four common dream components.

    I have included hypnagogia and sleep paralysis in the same entry despite, in my own (apparently unique) experience; the two events are completely unrelated despite numerous articles I have read that link them together. For me, reading articles about hypnagogia or sleep paralysis is pointless and here is why:

    People talk about “suffering” from sleep paralysis or hypnagogia, or that it “scares” them, which has never made any sense to me. They describe “dark figures”, “evil”, a malevolent presence, and so on as if they had some sort of tangibility or potential influence. Sorry people, this is something I have very limited experience with, even in tens of thousands of dreams in my over fifty years of study. There are exceptions, though these have been validated to mostly relate to biologically premonitory events or sometimes rare apnea caused by a combination of eating too close to the sleeping period and while sleeping on my back.

    For me, if I find myself in sleep paralysis, I seek to embrace and enhance the experience. I do this by deliberately rolling my eyes up towards my forehead, which typically intensifies the perception of a loving entity being present and sometimes I am annoyed when I feel “she” is gone (though I never see her in this state). I sometimes hear a very pleasing humming sound (which I sometimes perceive as moving in a figure eight above me). I usually feel waves of pleasure moving through my body, from head to toe and back. Eventually, I usually, if I hold the state long enough, feel a rising sensation. I do not see any imagery while in sleep paralysis, I only have enhanced touch and sound, sometimes buzzing (even tangible lovemaking - female on top, especially one event with Zsuzsanna before I came to Australia to be with her). I also perceive in a completely different way than during hypnagogic sequences.

    Now, I will go on to describe hypnagogia, which I also find very enjoyable. Since childhood, I like to remain in hypnagogia for at least an hour or more. During this time, which is always wholly lucid (and always had been, even as a toddler), I like to step into and out of dreams by way of conscious will, though I have to wait for the sequence to slow down. This is because when it first starts, it is very rapid, dream settings changing from more than one per second, though gradually becoming slower over time until it is a rate of about one setting every five seconds. Eventually, when it slows down to about ten seconds per change of setting, I step into a setting of my choice. I have done this since earliest memory and it is a very vivid and intriguing experience, but I never mistake it for being real in any way, though I do often slip into non-lucidity. (I did not realize that other people were not like this until I was about eighteen years old. I had read a little about it, mostly in dictionaries, but did not really read that many articles relating to this state. Imagine my surprise, especially when some people call it a “medical problem”. Much of the world is, sadly, very stupid.)

    Most feasible settings in hypnagogia are vivid and colorful outdoor settings. This includes beautiful forests with rivers, lakes, and waterfalls (which I have viewed on a day-to-day basis all my life), neighborhoods with interesting houses, farmyards, train stations, and so on. Sometimes it is a beautiful underwater scene (such as coral or sea fans and various species of fish), which I most often just watch without entering (even though I can breathe underwater in the dream state). Sometimes the settings will seem to rapidly shake from side to side, slowly dissolve, to be replaced by some sort of grid or abstract pattern (typically like leaves floating in water and quivering) before becoming a different setting. Such an event usually only occurs once or twice in a sleeping period. For example, in one instance when I was a young boy, I was watching chickens walk around in a farmyard, some of them pecking at the ground (this was before my father decided to change our rabbit farm into a chicken farm). As I continued to view the scene, there was a very subtle roaring sensation and a sort of fizzing effect, and leaf-like patterns that replaced the setting after it quivered side to side (with no actual movement on my part, that is, no movement of my physical body or perceived movement of my dream self).

    This is only one form of hypnagogia. Other types are too surreal to view as a legitimate place to “enter”. Curiously, zooming in or out, and longer panning sequences, as seen in movies, had never occurred in my dreams until I had watched television for the first time. To me, this is a very important realization. It tells me that watching television or movies creates a very profound change in the nature of perception. I have never read of anyone else facing up to this fact. This is ironic, in that hypnagogia itself rarely presented anything I had ever seen in waking life, which ultimately convinced me that something else was going on, though I am still not sure what.

    Other forms of this state vary. For example, there is a state where I coalesce with other figures, typically only experiencing bliss or an amazing sensation. Glowing human forms (of different implied ages) jump into my chest, making me feel healthier or more vibrant.

    There is a state where dream characters also rapidly change, yet while the setting is fully stable, sometimes faster than once per second (which has served as a reinduction trigger in stabilizing lucidity if it has faded, when I begin to become aware of this after about ten minutes).

    In still another state, dream characters seem very odd. They may be only half-formed, or they walk around and phase through bushes or walls and sometimes get stuck.

    In other states, I am able to summon (solely through automatic expectation) whatever vivid experience I choose. This is typically coalescence with other entities and is always a satisfying energizing experience, and is always near a body of water (such as a river, lake, waterfall, water park, campground, or swimming pool) usually in daylight. I sometimes marvel at the beauty of the water as the surface reflects certain patterns yet simultaneously reveals what is under the surface. As such, I may jump in and out of numerous dreams (at the rate of about one per minute or more) of this nature in about an hour.

    Due to how I am apparently different from most people in this way, this particular entry is probably of no use to people who “suffer” from their dreams or dream states. Why am I different? On the one hand, I was a ten-month baby instead of a nine-month baby. While my mother “almost bled to death” giving birth (according to reports), she very quickly recovered. On the other hand, some people have claimed it is related to healing myself after my accident as a toddler when I nearly lost my left hand (when a large shard from a broken mug sliced through my wrist and out the side of my forearm). The nerves and tendons were supposedly too damaged (and reconnected incorrectly in surgery) to ever work again. Somehow though, after I willed myself to gain use of my hand (while both awake and sleeping), the nerves and tendons, even though they had been connected wrongly, began to work to where my hand had full use (with no difference in how I perceived which fingers I was moving as might be expected). Whether or not my deliberate healing of myself through different levels of consciousness changed how I became more aware of other levels of consciousness and their symbolic dynamics, remains unsolved, but it does make sense, as I am typically aware of what dream symbolism is representing as it is occurring, something that most people do not seem able to understand.

    side notes

    Known Key Symbolism 2018: Vestibular System Symbolism

    by Blue_Opossum on 01-13-2018 at 07:58 PM
    Morning of January 9, 2018. Tuesday.

    This is part four of my prefatory series (which will serve as such on the dream journal website only, as other websites lack feasible indexing or a viable calendar system). A main index will, in the future, remain at the top of my journal on that site linking to the entries in this set, with a summary of the links in the singular post to remain at the top (by postdating on that site). That may be viable to an extent, if only to index my major beliefs (based on experience) since day one.

    In this entry (without repeating the content of my last three this time, but I will likely still summarize it all by the last entry in this set), I will explain something that should be obvious to everyone in the world, but for some reason, seems like some sort of pretend mystery of which involves biological dream state symbolism regarding vestibular system dynamics while unconscious or in waking transition.

    Some people like to pretend that generic falling dreams (especially of the type with involuntary muscle movement such as a hypnopompic kick) have “interpretations”. How silly can people get? They especially like to give advice based on how they negatively over-dramatize what is often just a biological artifact of waking up. Believe me; I know what I am talking about. I do not plan on maintaining any information in this prefatory series unless I am absolutely certain about what I am saying. Sure, there will be exceptions now and then (typically related to literal prescience or deliberate dream scripting if one chooses - or mere emotional anticipation, and remember, in real time), but not much.

    So, I have a dream I am walking on a public sidewalk, at night. There is someone with me to my left, but I am not fully certain who it is. After walking for a while, I trip on something (or just step off the curb near an intersection) and fall and wake. The falling sensation is very intense, but not that alarming, just a bit odd. It is almost as if my legs are going elsewhere than where the rest of my body is or as if my body is falling into two sections, but this is very brief.

    I have had a version of this dream virtually every day for over fifty years. I think the odds of me listening to religious babble, “interpretation”, or thinking there is something “wrong” is zilch.

    The key is this. I may have this dream nearly every day (usually at the beginning of the sleeping period), but it is more intense when I have done a lot more walking that day. In fact, it is even more intense when I have climbed more stairs that day (or for that matter, even been in an elevator - and in fact, even when I step out from an elevator in real life, I feel a very slight falling sensation, or sometimes a rising sensation, otherwise with no ill or problematic effects). It would not seem like rocket science to understand what is going on, but I guess it is for some people. Residual muscular memory, or whatever you want to call it, is also a part of dreams, but not just in this way. There is no reason to feel bad about dreaming about tripping or falling unless one wants to join a cult or listen to random lunatics on the Internet trying to make them feel bad or bend down to their level of confusion. The most intense falling dream I have ever had was on the night I rode the Busch Gardens log flume ride earlier that day. How about not pretending it is something other than it is. (One would think there are plenty of other dreams to find meaning in without going to ridiculous extremes.)

    The dream self does not have a real physical body. It only thinks it does. Herein lies the problem. From losing teeth to falling, such factors are often solely biological (though again, there are exceptions, but common sense, though not so common, might sort that out). The ambiguity of vestibular system dynamics is enough to trigger dreams of falling, flying under one’s own will (both lucidly and non-lucidly), rising (that is, with the feeling of being pulled upwards by an invisible force), or, as I have experienced in a few dreams, happily flying sideways in a fetal position. It is also often responsible for projected renderings of flight symbols, including airplanes, birds, and even flying saucers. Tornado dreams are sometimes the result of vestibular system dynamics, though not always. One does not have to have problems with their ears to experience vestibular system symbolism in dreams, as that is based on the ambiguity of being unconscious and in the dream state.

    So, in this entry, I have tried to at least introduce the nature of vestibular system dynamics and its symbolism, which by the way can be either integrated or set apart from the factors that I had written about in my last three prefatory “Known Key Symbolism 2018” entries. As I typically fly in my dreams to get somewhere (even in non-lucidity), it is difficult to relate to people who find flying “difficult” in dreams. Still, I would not hold it against them.

    Sometimes I fall out of the dream state with a vague sense of nausea, but this is only with scripted dreams, and because it is impossible (well, at least improbable) to match circadian rhythms and RAS mediation with the scripting patterns.

    Updated 01-15-2018 at 07:16 AM by Blue_Opossum

    side notes

    Known Key Symbolism 2018: RAS Mediation (1)

    by Blue_Opossum on 01-13-2018 at 11:28 AM
    Morning of January 9, 2018. Tuesday.

    So far, in my prefatory series, I have provided “Known Key Symbolism 2018: Common Liminal Space Settings (1)” and “Known Key Symbolism 2018: Dream State Indicators”.

    I hope I have made it clear so far, of what I understand (and have often validated) from over fifty years of dream study. Due to the fact that many people only remember a few of their dreams (or none at all), they like to infuse “meaning” (that is, meaning not related to either the biological or the spiritual nature of unconsciousness or the dream state and waking transition itself, as well as no acknowledgement of literal dream threads including prescience) into what few dreams are recalled. Many people do not actually understand what lucidity is (or how it works) and consequently use the term loosely and incorrectly. They also (almost relentlessly) fail to see how someone like me typically recalls five to nine non-lucid dreams a day (minimum of three), not including the virtually limitless hypnagogic sequences (of which are wholly lucid) at the beginning of every normal sleeping period. As a cop-out, some people will say, “oh, but a few dreams have meaning and importance, but most others do not”, which is kind of like saying, “oh, sometimes the stomach’s digestion of food is important, other times, when the stomach digests food, nothing is happening and the stomach is not even there”. Many people fail to understand that dreams can be fully controlled (either with lucid or non-lucid dream self perception) and even purposely formed from one idea (including for healing purposes and unfathomable levels of bliss and joy), and the more one studies and understands what dreams mean, the more natural clarity of mind automatically develops, resulting in virtually no nightmares (unless biologically premonitory) or even disturbing dreams. Still, RAS (the Reticular Activating System) and I have had a love-hate relationship since early childhood, based on whether or not I wanted to sleep and dream longer or typically whether there was environmental noise or not, these factors completely irrelevant to “interpretation” or waking life.

    People like to over-dramatize and systematically “answer questions” even where none exist in the way they are implying. They like to infuse another person’s dream with negative context even when there is none. They like to pretend there is conflict or major issues to “solve”. They like to pretend that the dynamically fictional dream self (personified subconscious) is the same as the current conscious self identity, even when there is no evidence of viable memory or even common sense on the part of the very limited temporary dream self.

    Everyone else I have ever known of (writings of the public that is), in virtually everything I have ever read about dreams since childhood, confuses RAS mediation with the so-called subconscious. This is probably why the bizarre belief that “my subconscious is trying to tell me something” came about. The inability to discern RAS mediation from the generic subconscious is unusual, but to be expected in the public’s limited understanding.

    It goes without saying that the dream self in non-lucid dreams can only be the personified subconscious (or the “subconscious itself”). Being that the subconscious band has no concept of time or space (or any viable intelligence or consistent memory) unless conscious self identity threads (certain active neural patterns) are extant, how can the subconscious “solve an issue”? (Many people tend to confuse “subconscious” with “unconscious”.) Since this is the case, where does the dominant preconscious come from? (Confusion also results from many systems using “preconscious” and “subconscious” as synonyms when they are very different bands, at least in my extensive work.) RAS comes in to mediate sleep-wake transitions, and such symbolism inherently reflects the nature of waking from the dream state. This is biological fact, not some sort of half-baked theory or popular superstition. More so, understanding RAS is what eventually creates the potential for consciously controlling the dream state (though not one hundred percent as waking is a biological necessity - though there are people who have an eerie degree of control over their heart rate), something many people cannot seem to grasp at all, because many people see dreams as some sort of inexplicable mental event that they need to “interpret”, yet with zero interest in actually understanding anything.

    For review, to integrate what I have written in this prefatory set thus far:

    Again, I have confidently stated, with certainty developed for over fifty years, that liminal space symbols are directly related to the waking transition and have no need for “interpretation” due to their inherent nature of representing and symbolizing, in real time, the space between dreaming and waking. (Again, I will also remind people that this association is literal when linked to real life perception. That is, a porch, a parking lot, and a store’s checkout are also liminal spaces in real life. I only chose those three for now, as they are the most common liminal space symbols in my own dreams, sometimes occurring several times a week and for over fifty years.)

    Again, I emphasize that dream state indicators are based on residual subliminal memory of having fallen asleep and consequently usually have no need for “interpretation”. Dream state indicators naturally occur in my dreams more often than not, though I typically do not go into detail about them in singular dream posts.

    Again, I emphasize that, on a basic level, liminal space symbols and dream state indicators are unrelated within the dream state and are two completely different processes (just as in waking life, as an example, thoughts about finishing an essay and recent memories about your girlfriend are inherently unrelated, a result of two completely different mental processes occurring at the same time), yet can be a part of the same dream sequence. They may also be integrated within dreams with additional meaning (of which is closer to waking life patterns or personal meaning), even prescient threads, yet in a way that may not be cohesive, which is why many people might be inclined to completely ignore such events or features or mistakenly “interpret” everything as a whole.

    At this point, I will address the failure of people to understand that conflict in the dream state may be based solely on RAS mediation and have no viable connection to waking life conflict or internal conflict assuming any even exists in the first place. It is ironic how people refuse to understand RAS mediation (misunderstanding it as the subconscious this or subconscious that) and try to infuse negative context where there is more opportunity for positive affirmation and assertiveness or true understanding of one’s own mind (the most important factor that could exist in life).

    RAS mediation in its raw mode likes to generate snakes as the waking alert, probably because this is a key factor of primate fear (and I am willing to bet that snakes are a common factor in the dreams of all primates). Ten different people have ten different dreams about snakes around the same time, and all one needs to do is sit back and watch the nonsense concerning “interpretation” or “meaning” and have no choice but to roll their eyes.

    The thread of RAS mediation is likely to be that which chases (or intrudes upon) the dreamer, whether or not someone is trying to “escape” from something in reality or has any issues of conflict when awake. “Wake up and get out of bed before you wet yourself” may be the sole “interpretation” of RAS intrusion into the dream (or it may be an unknown or unexpected environmental noise that threads of the emergent consciousness become vaguely concerned about - for example, arguments between people we do not know, but who had been walking down the street early in the morning near our house, have intruded into my dreams and changed the symbolism, which of course has nothing to do with my conscious self identity or even unconscious essence). Whether or not I have conflict in waking life is unrelated to how RAS mediates my dream other than incidentally. I could use my dream to punch someone I do not like, and at least provide some “relief”, but does that really address any hope for an “answer”? I think not. Some people, for example bullies, religious zealots, or people who believe the world is flat, simply cannot be “solved”. The longer someone keeps a dream journal (though one must actually pay attention), the more obvious it becomes. There is a very clear difference between the nature of different dream state components, which I have vividly noticed since early childhood, all of that and inexplicable prescience as well.

    side notes