Vesterguard

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation – wake/dream visuals/visions

2018-11-18 The first of the four dreams occurred during the night, in response/preparation to our dream workshop during the evening and the interpretation round this morning. They occurred in the wake of an Ayahuasca ceremony which took place on the Friday, which for me were heavily themed around (A) the practice of acting/doing what I felt like, risking to provoke and loose standing from my friends and (B) learning to see under and past the emotional pain – that is not staring myself blind at the stuff that is troubling me, without ignoring it either, but allowing myself to see the broader picture.

Dream 1: Sexual fantasy turns to voice from beyond, which culminates in a brutal murder and forgiveness of inner children.

I am lying in the ceremony room, where a couple of us have gone to bed. Nala and I are starting to make out and she starts inviting to sex. I am thrilled, yet I don’t quite do anything about it. Eventually she calls out to Mads something along the lines “Mads I am trying to have sex with Dennis, but he doesn’t really seem to want to go along.” I quickly respond “Yes, Yes I do” and then we start having sex, she guiding me inside her.
The dream then changes. Now there is some darkness and a female voice is calling out to me: “This is karmic, I will meet you in the summer.” I think to myself this pertains to a soulmate or girlfriend to come and I pull her out of the shadows, so that now I am staring at a doll face, that doesn’t seem to have any real facial features except the contours of the doll face and some long blonde hair. I ask her if she can provide additional details of herself, at which point I look at the doll face and see that her cheeks round up a bit. Other than that nothing else happens.
I then parcour jump down into the basement, meant for parking cars. There I meet two boys, one is about 4-5 years old another is maybe 7-9. The young boy tells the older “This is where you did me wrong (or: this is where you annihilated me)”. The older doesn’t seem to quite understand, but then the story continues.
Then a 12-13 year old guy appears – there is no question that he is a bully and he is much bigger, both taller, more muscular and fatter, he has a distinctly malicious energy about his person - while the two aforementioned remain hidden down behind a corner. The big guys is there to bully and the 7-9 year old then pushes the smaller one out from behind the corner, he seems to blush and turn red around the cheeks while doing so.
As the youngest run out the Bully picks him up. As he picks him up he turns into a small baby of 6 months or maybe even smaller as in still a fetus. As soon as he has picked him up he walks over to a railing and slams the head of the youngest down into this railing. Killing him.
The youngest looks like a doll and I say something along the lines of “Ah it was a doll”. However then the scenario shifts about and from above the doll is seen lying on the ground, and it is clear that the Bully has killed the youngest fetus/6months old cold blooded.
The 7-9 year old is devastated and I am now back in my body and participating in my dream. It is clear to me that my reason for being there is that I must forgive the 7-9 year old, that is the karmic stuff the woman was talking about. I sit down with the guy and we both cry like babies.
I don’t think I have ever been so wrecked by guilt, disgust, anger, sorrow and empathy for the guy. It is difficult containing all these ambivalent feelings and focus on forgiving him, yet this is what I sit down with him and do.
Dream Ends.

Dream 2: Walking through a fairgrounds in the rain.

I am outside in a fairgrounds of some description. The atmosphere is holiday-like and I am walking around by myself, though there are many people around. I am walking past playful attractions, like a bouncy castle where I wonder if it is OK I am wearing shoes. I also walk past loads of food outlets – notably fastfood ones, like Sunset Boulevard and McDonald’s – and contemplate buying food, though I don’t in the end.
It starts raining, severely. I get drenched in my brown Polo shirt, which I received from a friend of mine about 15-20 years ago. I wonder to myself how I will manage being all drenched and I take off my shoes and find that they are completely soaked in and filled with water as well.
Dream Ends:

Interlude: Before going into the dreams that followed later this day it is worth while noting a few events that transpired. The reason being that heavy emphasis was placed on sharing and interpreting these above dreams before the following 2 occurred. Thus the following two dreams can be both expressions of the same primarily activated themes, but also responses to the interpretations that were carried out.

So I interpreted the first dream as essentially carrying a theme, which is best summarised as the relationship between various inner children. The narrative transformations provide some indications as to what the theme is about, I think.
The dream starts out as a sexual fantasy – which is both day residue, as we fell asleep together and both of us apparently experienced fear and confusion as to what the connection was all about, as well as a pinpointing of a challenge I experience in intimate relations (the fear of reaching out, making the first move and committing to expose myself through expressing desire and attraction) – that then transforms to a karmic message “This is about karma, I will meet you in the summer”, which is a dialogue with a “faceless” woman (which carries on a theme of recent where a veiled woman has made herself known, as well a running into “the guy who wants to remain hidden” on the same night in a different dream), which then leads to a display of the killing of the youngest child (4-5 years old, turns into 6 months/fetus) through the brutal action of the 12-13 year old, but guided by the 7-9 year old.
The intense emotionality, the supernatural aspects as well as the residual impact leads me to suspect this as a prospective dream, indicating that a dawning realisation of the interrelation between various “sub-programmes”. I suspect this is related to the connection between my fear of intimacy (which was prevalent with Nala) and my fear of promoting myself.
The reason I suspect this was that when I was discussing some of the potential meanings of these boys of various ages with Mads on the way back from the weekend the 12 year old reminded me of a time when I had a crush on a girl from my class (Djana), though I never really dared to admit it. I could admit it to myself, but I was afraid of admitting to it publicly, which has been a recurring story ever since. This theme of public displays of affection was actually activated as an element of conscious reflection during the breakfast, where I engaged with Nala in an intimate fashion.
So it is as if at least 3 of these 4 inner children are known to me. (1) Fetus//6 months old – pertaining to being abandoned (in the womb through smoking, alcohol consumption and potentially a polluted motivation of wanting to keep a hold on my dad, indicating a dysfunctional relation already then and the traumatic experience at 1,5 months old that I have talked to my mother about) (2) the 4-5 year old (The memory of getting punished for reaching out for food, being shamed and made wrong, as confirmed by my cousin who was in the memory) (3) the 12-14 year old (associated with being afraid to publicly commit to attraction and already at this point in time experiencing difficulty in expressing sexual desire or making the first moves. The 4th (the 7-8 year old) is so far unknown to me (it is the period of my life where I first discovered computer gaming, is the first that springs to mind).
In any case the notion around Djana becomes present in one of the following dreams.

Dream 3: How can one loose a space ship, well apparently it is because we forget how to look at the stars at night.

There is a vista of a city skyline in bright sunlight. I am overlooking this from the water, a river I think. Then a portal opens and a version of the starship Enterprise appears. Then another and another I think of up to 6 or 7 appear. They are all slightly different, with different details around particular the engines, but it is important and it is made known to me that these differences matter, as it is a proof that I am not “just seeing things”.
Then an alarm is sounded, or it is made known that we have lost a starship. There is a meeting of various generals from all over the world. Then a question is posed “How is it even spotted when it is hanging out there in the outskirts of the solar system in the darkness?” and an immediate, but also embarrassing answer (because it is so obvious) is posed. “Our allies (a different species) can walk in space and so can easily see spaceships in the darkness”. Then the Iranian general walks out to observe the stars and train his vision, but also do something of some description to retrieve the starship.
Dream Ends:

Dream 4: At a party, going home early to meet Djana, but is instead greeted by 6-7 aliens looking for Hude Dant – which I recognise as an obvious allusion to Hugh Grant.

I am out partying with my friends. I decide to rather quickly return home and here I hope that I will find Djana at home. When I return I notice a small car parking on the other side of the road. It is driven by a woman – who is sitting in shadows and whom I have an awkward feeling about – we have a history and she is somehow connected to picking up Djana or someone else. I walk in and am pleased to find that the doors are open and that there is a light on. I walk in and down to the basement, but can’t find Djana. Instead I find my laptop lying on the sofa.
Then a whole bunch of people walk in. I immediately know that they are aliens disguised as humans and that they are somehow connected with the previous spaceships (though I have no explicit memory of the previous dream, in this dream). There are 3-5 of them in the room and they are looking for Hude (or Lube) Dant, but I also know that this is a poor way to cover up that they are looking for Hugh Grant.
There is a scenario shift to a driving car with 2 aliens in it, where one has disguised itself as a Dane and another as a Swede. There is a statement that I should keep away from Copenhagen and that there is something funny about this disguised Dane speaking Danish. It is all connected to a greater mission of sorts.
Dream Ends:

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation – wake/dream visuals/visions

Yesterdays “opening of the lion's gate” in astrological terms had me set some intentions throughout the day. These were primarily poised in the directions of letting go of limiting fears and beliefs, while also opening up to the power deep within me, centred around my heart and solar plexus area. I accepted to work with energy, light energy, accepted whatever life needed of me I would oblige, despite fearing what this might be.

In practical terms it involves committing deeper to the energetic and spiritual work in contributing to the world and its beings. This is fear provoking for me since it involves disclosing publicly to the world that I have strong spiritual and shamanic experiences.

Ha! In a way this forum is golden as it is a sort of cheating platform to disclose secrets and try it all out.

As of late – maybe the past 1-2 weeks I have experienced a tremendous kind of release. A release in limiting beliefs, physical fear sensations as well as attachments to concepts – particularly in the area of relationships and romanticism. I feel stronger, a resurgence in my confidence levels and a readiness to start giving more of myself to the world. It feels good saying “more” as I have also started recognising more and more that some of the voluntary conversations and modes of operating in the world for me are valuable contributions.

Well that is enough context, on with the dreams:

Dream (and waking visualisations) 1: “Sexual exploration”

I find myself in a large living room. I am sleeping on the sofa, it is my father's brother and wife's house. It is in the middle of the night and I look up on the wall towards the massive television on the wall. I know that if I turn it on there will be porn on pretty much all the channels.

I decide to turn it on, though before the image appears after having turned on the telly I turn down the volume all the way to minimum. I am a little surprised to find that there is still sound coming through, yet the sound isn't horrible so I allow the porn scene to keep running.

It is an orgy of sorts. In particular I find my attention dwelling on a guy wearing a leather hood, while he is fucking a woman lying below him as he is standing up.

I get aroused and go to the toilet to make preparations. While there I decide to try and observe how my arousal and dick respond to simply watching the porn without stimulating myself.

I wake up

As I am awake I find myself aroused and hard. I don't masturbate, but massage my perineum and find it interesting and somewhat easier than normal to circulate the sexual energy around my body. In particular I notice that I am extremely connected down the front, where I am in touch with my body.

I then start focusing on Cille. I think of her “hole in the back” and I see how there are shadowy finger marks around the hole. So I visualise and start clearing the hole with fire, ask Raphael for help to seal the hole, which I do with the opposing triangles that compose the visual representation of the heart chakra.

I further start healing Felix, if he wants to accept it of course, and ask for assistance in burning out the things he doesn't wish to see or that are preventing him from being happy and present in this life.

Dream 2: “The magical island, climbing surface and an elven bridge”

I am standing in a cave, which opens out over a big lagoon where in the middle is a small island. This island is composed mainly of steep cliff sides and a forest in the middle. Just before the main island there is a long, narrow rocky cliff side coming out of the water. The weather is bright and sunny, there seems to be a clear blue sky above the water.

An arrow appears above us, and a small humanoid figure jumps up and catches it and slaps it in the cliff side above us, there are transparent fishing lines attached to the arrow. Following an elven figure swings across the gap between the cave and the water, maybe a mile or two. The elven figure is wearing green and orange and is like a ferryman, there to swings us one by one across the water.

There is some talk about the attractiveness of the climbing cliff side – 700 metres facing the water of the island.

There is some discussion that the journey has taken too long, about 4 hours and that it could be due to the elven “swinging ferry man” can only take on one passenger at a time.

Dream ends.

Dream 3: “Lost at sea, coming home”

I am at sea in a dingy boat, lost and at the mercy of the sea. I am there with Mikkel L and we have been there for some time. It is mid day and we are drifting along the waves.

We sail past a boat, which we initially hope can rescue us, but find that it is full of refugees and for some reason it doesn't even become relevant to be rescued here.

I sarcastically remark that it would be a good opportunity to practice broadsiding this ship, opening up with all four canons on one side of our ship.

Out in the horizon, far away, I see a sail ship – looking from the silhouette like an ancient Viking ship – and a small blotch of a ship. I hope that this is ships that can assist us.

From a far distance the ship that started out as a small blotch shoots its cannons. One on one side of our boat and another on the other. I feel them as being warning shots, but I also feel afraid.

As we approach the ship I realise it is the largest one I have ever seen. It is black and probably around 30-50 metres tall from the water. I wave my arms in surrender and declare an interest in wanting to be saved, all the while I think about how nice it would be if I had access to white clothing.

Luckily the ship understands our gestures and predicaments and they start throwing down ladders we can grab onto. I find however that the ship is practically racing across the surface of the water in the opposite direction to our boat, but I nevertheless jump into the water and swim for the boat.

I can't latch on to any of the ladders, but a door just above the waterline is opened, and a wooden entry plank is pushed out and I prostrate as I enter the ship in deep gratitude.

I am met by the captain – Tim Smith – who asks me if it was Mikkel on the boat with me. I acknowledge the affirmative and Mr Smith continues to ask: “Is it true that he has a blog running about his journeys across the sea?”, to which I reply “yes” and then Tim asks “Has he written a book about it?”, “No” I reply.

Then I see pages lifted up before me in a completely different scenario, sort of a beach bar with trees and sunshine in the background. On the pages a story is being written in bright red, it seems to be a draft from the blog to the book.

Dream ends.

There are a few interesting themes at play here.

The first dream is highly sexual in nature, and incorporates both the animalistic nature – as displayed in the orgy – but also the renunciation of traditional friction based sex, as I attain pleasure through massaging my perineum and working with circulating energy. It is interesting that the man is hooded, representing a hidden aspect of myself that I have been trying to neglect – a yearning for the sexual exploration of the animalistic that I have particularly not mentioned to Cille, where I have emphasised the tantric, energetic unity aspect of sex.

This aspect of a hidden yearning to explore is also symbolised in wanting to keep the volume down, so I am not noticed as I go on with my explorations. I have an instinctive feeling that this pertains to wanting this phase of my life to remain hidden from Cille.

From an astrological point of view, this aspect of the dream seems to be an encouragement. There is an opportunity now to explore my sexual nature – again not being with Cille here being significant – in particular the more playful and kinky aspect of it. This is further symbolised by my approach towards it “wanting to observe what it does to me” rather than starting to masturbate straight away. It would seem like there is a gentle reminder to continue working towards embracing my sexuality and that it is coming up as a point of focus (which is also symbolised in the Elven figure, who acts like a bridge, dressed in Orange and Green – bridging the sexual/sensual chakra with the heart chakra.

The second dream I see a lot of myself in the elven figure. A bridge between this and that world – symbolising my shamanic aspirations. The number 4 appear, which to me could be a pointer towards the four elements – accepting the spiritual – but also 4 quadrants of the mandala, and thus the complete and fully realised self. The fact that the number 4 appears as an irritation, that the journey is taking too long, point towards a disturbing element in my current workings. This I intuitively feel is related to how I worry about financial stability – which isn't to say that it doesn't matter, but that I am spending too much energy thinking about this instead of following my heart. There is a slightly greedy element to how the elven figure charges for the ferrying, which is an affirmative of this. I believe it points towards the fact that I want to open up more towards group oriented practices in my vocational life, as opposed to individual style therapeutics.

I do find myself comfortable in the role as a bridge between worlds, serving as a guide between the somewhat disturbing emotions that can arise on the spiritual path (Orange) and in accepting and coming to grips with newer senses of identity in a loving manner (Green).

Dream 3: This pertains to my acceptance of a more spiritual and energetic mode of operating and giving to the world. I have long been caught in the emotional flux caused by wanting to adhere to both a strict scientific and fluid spiritual identity – I have been lost at sea (emotionality) and seeing refugees (fleeing my call) can no longer serve me. Again I see the number 4 – as in broadsiding the refugees with 4 canons, which again points to the 4 quadrants of the mandala – here symbolising that I am no longer in the process of fleeing or escaping my true nature or my purpose with being here on the planet.

There is an interesting theme in converting the blog/notes to a book, with the text being red as this could symbolise that financial security could come about through writing about the journey. The fact that it isn't me the journey is about could point towards the opportunities lying in writing about others, where both Cille and Nils are on the table.

This session turned somewhat long, and I would like to cut it off by at least and hour. However it is the first time in a while that I write down my dreams and adding an interpretation didn't actually take as long as I recall.

For the future group processes setting the context isn't going to be as extensive, as that will be done in process groups and dealt with through ongoing communication. Honestly 45-60 minutes of the time spent on this entry probably goes for procrastination on Facebook.

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation

I am in a basement. There are a series of 3 rooms next to one another, used for sexual activity. We are 3 couples coming out of each of these, though I am unsure if I am with someone at this point. From the 3 rooms we enter into a larger room and head towards a door on the right hand side.

We are talking about a larger sex assemble which is to take place in a bit. I know I won't be participating and I think there is another woman who won't either and so while I am exiting the room I look over my left hand shoulder to spot and make sure that the woman is leaving the room with me.

4-5 people go back into the room, while the woman and I remain in the adjacent room. This room is darkly illuminated. There is a sofa and an oblong coffee table next to a dividing wall that separate the larger floor plan into two major rooms – where we have just been in the other one. From the point of view of the sofa, which is located at the centre of the dividing wall there is a small kitchenette up to the right, right next to a door that leads into a room I never see, but notice that a fairly bright white light is flowing from it.

As we all walk out for a break the woman who is also not participating in the group session – she is very skinny, with shoulder length hair and is wearing loose beige (?) trousers and a dark green t-shirt, she is a head or two shorter than I – tell me in an asking tone “Is it ok if we don't have sex but just cuddle up a bit.” “Sure” I reply, a tad disappointed, but not a lot.

We sit down in the sofa in our separate corners. She lies down with her head in my lap and flick on the television, which is over right next to the kitchenette on the left hand side – opposite the door with the white light. The first channel is a two way channel – which is intended to show the other room what is happening in ours and we will be allowed what is happening in the other room. The woman tries to flick through the channels – at first we seem to be stuck on the channel we start out with – but when we finally get going there seems to be porn on all the channels. After having flicked through a couple we settle on the two way channel.

At this the woman turns frisky and direct her attention towards me, she turns her head upwards and kiss me, gently at first but with increasing vigour. We both start opening our mouths more and more and eventually I feel the cold sore at my left corner of my mouth rip open, a typical searing pain and a slight sensation of moisture, but I don't care I continue to dive into the kiss – feeling excited and horny as hell. Eventually I start adjusting my body posture, trying to roll with the woman into the motion of getting down into a laying down position – thinking yes, nice a sexual encounter is in the making. She reacts fiercely standing up in the sofa and starts rearranging the pillows in the sofa. At first I think she is making more room for our endeavours, but I soon understand.

“Traitor!” she proclaims “We had an agreement!” she continues.
“Yes, and I was going to keep it, but..” I reply.
“You can't be trusted!” She interrupts. She doesn't seem to understand that I really didn't mind not engaging in a sexual encounter but that I was fully open to do so if that is what she wanted. The situation had evolved from her desire and her initiative.

Feeling it is a lost battle I simply place myself in a tailors position in my end of the sofa and look her in the eyes – she has deep brown eyes. She starts talking about something that happened to her with her dad.

Sensing that it is a recurring pattern I ask her;

“So did this or something similar happen with your dad before?” I ask, sensing there is something like a fear of flying.
“There was an accident” she goes on – at this point the conversation is blurry to my memory – and she explains that either something similar happened at the age of 6, or later at the age of 21 – but essentially she is either saying that something happened before or after, with the other age representing the first event we were talking about. She starts looking rather pale, and slightly taken aback, I can see the surprise in her eyes that I am willing to sit back and talk therapeutically with her despite her recent judgement of me as being a traitor – which might actually refer to a generalisation of men she has developed.

We are interrupted at the conclusion of the sexual adventure happening behind us. There is a large window, with large black curtains obstructing the view. I start becoming aware of sounds from inside there, just a few moments before they enter the room we are sat in. I get a feeling of some sadomasochistic adventures happening and feel a slightly forced disinterest in knowing about the details.

When the people come out and start making their way towards the kitchenette, Jackie comes over to sit down, as well as a black man with long dreadlocks, though his hair isn't as greasy as you would expect from this hair style. I feel slightly embarrassed as I am no longer wearing my trousers and pants, though I still have my long woollen socks on. The black dude knocks me on my shoulder, and Jackie comes over with a glass of Orange juice and playfully say “Ahh it is good to see you asking for so much to drink” referring to it being a typical expression of recently having had sex and also to the glass of water I had drunk just a little beforehand.

I have a blanket covering my genital area, which helps with the embarrassment, but I also feel deceitful for the others misjudging the activity me and the woman were engaging in. From the kitchenette they start talking about their fascination with a flail-like whip, which is what they plan on using next.

I feel a strong urge to get out of there and I start making my way towards the doorway out, which is on the left hand side – leading into a small stairway, which is gloomily lit and dark green.

There is a slight skip.

I am now outside. I am walking down a road, there are trees and hedges along the side walk, and it is sloping downwards as I am walking down on the left hand side. It is dark outside, it seems wet and somewhat windy as well, it is raining. The light from the street lights seems gloomy and contains no warmth.

I continue walking downwards, having a conversation with Ronan, though he isn't actually present. We are talking about the option of setting up a company each, for 5 kroner, and then swapping companies – somehow this is relating to the treatment centre I am about to start up – and I am surprised he agrees. I recall something about a Facebook conversation where we were chatting and we came to the conclusion that the only thing we might have in common is Aesthetic taste, but that this might be cause enough to meet up anyway.

- this is relating to an earlier dream I had, the conversation took place at a street close to where I lived previously, lots of yellow building about, during the daylight. I recall the trouble of typing during this dream.

As I am walking along during this mental/technological conversation I come across a tent. It reminds me of the attached tent of a caravan. It is dark blue and from behind the plastic windows a greyish and eerie light shines through. I am aware of the strings that hold the tent in place, as they are extending out to the road blocking the path of the side walk forcing me to walk around them.

I am still heading down the road when I become aware of my shoes – they are getting wet and I wonder why I am wearing my slippers outside in this god forsaken weather. I look up and to my left and see the state library – rising above the darkness of the tree lines, with only a hint of the light of the street lights reaching the top like an ominous tower. I feel an increasing sense of unease, but carry on downwards.

Not long after this the water levels are rising and I feel like I know the bottom of the road will be completely flooded, blocking path to get home. I look up and back over my right hand shoulder and spot the road I can take which will also take me home. I turn around and start walking backwards. I feel like my vision is starting to slip – like fade completely – and I become increasingly afraid that I will loose my sight completely. At the same time I start feeling intoxicated, like proper drunk and my movements become erratic and unbalanced and I desperately reach out grasping for the strings of the tent for support. And while I find them and grab them they can do little for me as my balance continues to deteriorate. I think it is a bit weird as I didn't drink a lot back at the porn complex, but I can feel that I have definitely breached all levels of safe intoxication. My conscious perception seems to turn into a series of broken mosaics, as if invisible lines of fractures appear before my visual and spatial perceptive capacities.

I become so scared at the rising water levels and my continued diminishing balance and think to myself “Shit I could actually drown in this state. I am a poster boy of how not to get drunk.” While entertaining this thought fear levels keep rising, and then boom – I step into a pothole that is maybe a metre and a half deep and find myself too drunk to get loose – fear becomes panic as I struggle to get free.

The rain keeps falling the water is murky, brown like the colour of mud and there are multiple pieces of foliage, sticks and branches adrift on the watery road.

Finding myself terrified and sure of my death, I wake up.

Immediate interpretation: The cold sore bit was hugely disturbing to me as I woke up and is referring to a situation with Karen recently, where I knowingly kissed her before telling her that I had it. I became immediately aware that I am not completely free of selfish tendencies, which is also related to the knowledge that when I am practising so much self control during sex, I am liable to release more pre-cum, which of course increase the risk of pregnancy during unprotected sex. Knowledge I have kept to myself. It symbolise how I have been willing to put my own selfish needs in front of both her and our needs, a tendency I was deeply ashamed of upon awakening.

The black curtain shielding the view of the other room in the dungeon represents a boundary – black, the colour of nothing – meaning that while I am intrigued with exploring new aspects of my sexuality there are still areas I don't find meaningful to explore. Only if I fear exploring it does it make sense to do so, though this is not a fear based response – it is simply not interesting to me.

My interaction with the woman represents some of my concerns with Karen – that she asks for space, and then also take initiative for sex. It represents my confusion with it all, but also my willingness to take up the role required for her personal growth. The tad dissapointment could represent my feeling of repressing my sexual advances towards her to accommodate her need for space.

The interaction with my embarrassment regarding the others who assume we have had sex, while we haven't I believe represent the uneasiness I have felt in describing my relation to Karen to the outside world. I am trying my best to avoid putting labels on it, and while I don't find this a problem in our personal relation or when talking to people who frequent Tantric environments it is difficult to describe this mode of being in a relation to “old” friends and family who are not participating in this new-found spiritual journey I find myself on. I am somewhat afraid of what Karen thinks – if she would prefer I don't mention her at all, though that would violate my need to be open about what is important and meaningful in my life.

The drowning in the puddle represents – I looked this up as well, I was aware of the meaning of water representing unconscious emotions surfacing – that I might be forcing the issue. Before looking up the theme I thought to myself “Hmm now you have invited her into your inner most private world, of course we dive straight into the dark side – as represented by the cold sore bit”. I then looked it up and it could mean that I am forcing unconscious feelings to the surface prematurely, which makes sense against my immediate thoughts on the matter. It might make sense to keep certain dreams or aspects of my dreams private – it is ironic that we have talked so much about giving and asking for space and we then end up attempting to dream share, effectively eliminating space between us entirely – however as I was awake and praying for the spiritual purification of selfish tendencies I also felt that it made sense to dive into this, as she could help me face the issues and as such transcend them.

Having looked up a variety of dream themes I am increasingly aware of the truly wide variation of what people interpret stuff to mean, which has led me to the conclusion that it is primarily the immediate interpretation that matters. When I am baffled by a theme, object, colour or person I will look it up as and when needed and find the one that resonates most clearly with me. I also think this is a great way to start working on making symbolisms of dreams more translatable and better capable of communicating clearly between the two states of consciousness. Also regarding the privacy I spoke with Karen, and it dawned on me that some dreams can only be understood when analysed against other dreams or contextual events, which might necessitate “sitting” on them for a while as already mentioned.

non-lucid - Notes - lucid

Following dreams occured between 30th Sep - 05th of Oct. I have written up some of the recordings I had lying around. Amazing what this device can do for recall, I get taken back to the dreams while listening, though on the flip side it makes me lazy in writing them up and sharing them.

Date unknown:

“Freaking Lifts!!!... Where is the toilet?”

I am at a concert with Belá Fleck and the Flecktones and I leave this because I have to go to the toilet before heading back to bed? I am walking back into the concert hall and the encore has just finished and I am hoping that I can get out before all the people start leaving.

Everything goes wrong, the first toilet is taken so I go to take the lift to go upstairs, which I can't due to there being a girl in it who goes up. I end up taking the stairs. I come upstairs and press the lift button again and find out that the toilet is taken again so now I go back into the lift.

Here the girl apologise to me for leaving me downstairs before. I then take the lift down and realise I wasn't supposed to go down so I drive up again. I am starting to get angry at this point and I vent my frustration on the lift by punching the mirrored walls, which crack. I am a bit embarassed by this as well as not willing to pay for it so I quickly walk out when I get upstairs.

There is a staircase going up to the second floor and it is possible to see in between the steps of this staircase. I am trying to do some exercise by pulling myself up, but only with one arm which makes the endeavour difficult.

I am talking to Shang in my flat, she is talking about some Ida girl, which I believe to refer to Natasja of my study. The setting is rather dark lit by artificial lighting. Shang is questioning why Ida/Nat doesn't find any of the men that are really elegant guys boyfriend material.

Aurelie is in fact talking about Nat in an odd way. She describes her as sort of a puppet, meaning that all her emotional ties are with a guy back home far away from the current study environment she is in at the moment. I am disappointed in Aurelie that she doesn't consider me a valid boyfriend candidate for Nat.

Notes: Has been quite some time since I had this dream and there is some character confusion between Aurelie and Shang, though Shang definitely is the one I consider girlfriend material and is faffing around with the lights.

I then proceed to talk to Shang and tell her that it sounds pretty much like the situation she used to be in. Shang then goes on to explain that a friend of hers found something in the book (a diary of sorts?) and that she was afraid that it would be discovered and taken the wrong way.

At this point I stop to think that seeing as she no longer has a boyfriend it might be a good time to make a move. I am looking at her as she is trying to switch on the lights in the bathroom and the hallway in between. The lights doesn't seem to be working and she hasn't realised that I am standing there observing her, wearing a towel wrapped around my waist. I find her rather cute as she can't quite figure out what is going wrong.

Skip

Something about Shang's lenses and an inability to see.

Skip

I am on the internet looking at something that has the interface of the IOSDP forum threads, but it is actually a research project on photo recognition of the self, which reminds me that I want to do research myself.
…........

“Mitzu, tell me how to do portals.. no.. not today.. okay then”

I am having a series of false awakenings somewhere in the region of 4-5. Teri McB came down to me and talked to me about Lucid Dreaming. She just had her second. Just after this I have a FA.

The reality check fails and I look at some plates standing around on the sofa and other where. I try and move them telekinetically and they sort of just slightly vibrate. I manage to get hold of a fork though that I pull towards me and throw it into a window, which creates a little dent and shard. I then go and punch the window, nothing happens the first time then on the second the window blows outwards.

There is a bit of wind and then I go and call Teri asking if she wants to come along and join in on this lucid. I go into the window and shout out “why is it so cold?” which makes the cold disappear.

I jump out of the window, not really flying my control is shit but then again it is the first lucid I have had in quite some time. There is really a lack of control going on. I walk around touching up my flat and try biting off bits of my plants, which are way bigger than they normally are. I remember a distinct bitter taste of a “paradise tree” and think you aren't supposed to eat these even in dreams (unsure about the translation).

When down on the ground I call out for Mitzu. I expect her to be behind me. When she comes around I see she is wearing this grey night gown and looks older than she has done before.

I say “Right, Portals!? Tell me, what is going on?” She is reluctant to tell me she doesn't want to teach me at this point in time because there is so much other positive stuff going on in my dreams at this point in time. Bad timing.

I think I might have primed this myself thinking it beforehand not really going in with an open mind regarding what answer I would get. I know what she is referring to though.

FA: I wake up and start talking into my dicta phone.

Notes: I suspect that me transferring to using the dicta phone is actually having an effect on my dreams. I seem to have loads of FAs since starting using it. Potentially this could be due to activations of a brain networks, associated with linguistic performance and speech mediated consciousness, leading to increased cerebral activation.

Skip

Looking at this television show about a guy in the 80es trying to prove lucid dreaming (Called Gray/Grey/Graham?) and he is talking into a dicta phone exactly like mine. But it is an older model. This theory or prove is hidden, the media doesn't want to show it. The media interpret that it is just a guy having done something strange with a bible, and his dream reports are narratives of Jesus leaving a coliseum.

FA: Look at my hands and have a short little lucid where I walk around trying to stabilise the dream.
….........

“Skelly Closets”

I have an actual skeleton lying in my kitchen closet and all the bones are cleaned out. I have to go and show them to one of my really old friends, I for some reason crave his approval.

I run outside and it is really rather windy and wet outside. People are dressed up going to a Halloween party or the like, my mate also is dressed up.

I end up grabbing the skull and just wearing it over my neck like a necklace. I am walking down the street. Something about a programme in which Ryan Reynolds is discussing stupid superhero moves or similar.
…..........

“Spliffs and trains”

I am in a train with Mark and Drew. We are talking about various things, Mark in particular is quite chatty and he has something important he wants to tell me though I recall not what it was. Drew is looking around to see if he should pull out the spliff and light it up, but he decides not to.

The train looks rather luxurious with blue coloured and wooden seatings. Looks like an old school dining wagon, but with more modern seating arrangements without the tables and such, but really high quality.

At one point we drive past another train and I am surprised to find that this train is actually driving in the same direction as us and we are overtaking it.

Upon leaving the train I realise I have left some of my baggage so I run back into the train looking through all the cupboards multiple times to see if I can find it. Thomas M is there as well looking for his baggage and ends up finding his suitcase in a cupboard where I also find, what I believe to be my baggage though I am not entirely sure it is actually mine.

We get outside on the station and everyone is gone. I am unsure of where to go.
…...............

“Piquant Talk Show”

There is a TV show. It reminds me of your average talk show with a host sat behind a desk and guests appearing from the left hand side of the screen.

The host presents his next guest which is Hermione, or at least it is supposed to be her, but it is actually a girl from my study. While normally you would see the cameras zoom out and film the guest entering the studio this doesn't happen though it is supposed to. Due to technical difficultise what you see is the face of the host and the rest of the screen turns into bright multi coloured non-specific patterns.

When sat there they start joking around about what they did on the set. The host is rather geeky looking and they had a joke running about this. They stand up and she “kisses” him on the forehead without actually touching his skin. Instead of an actual kiss to the forehead she just blows some wind in his face.

The host proclaim that this was how he felt like in school, which they apparently attended together, where he was also quite the geek. They then stand up again but this time rather passionately licks his face and grabs his crouch while doing all sorts of things.

When they zoom out again, after the kiss which lasts for quite some time, they then zoom into his crouch area again and it is clearly visible that the man has quite the boner going for himself. Then he pulls out his cock and she starts massaging it.

After this she bends over on his chair asking to be pleased. He removes her dress and find that underneath she is wearing this fishnet type clothing. She asks to be licked and he tries doing this while she is still wearing the net, but gives up and removes it.

He then starts pounding her from behind and the camera goes underneath them to show some revealing footage of him wearing a condom, the action and the moistness of her vagina. It turns to slow motion.

23-09-11 Sexual dream, almost completion, then I discover it is my sister and she goes and fetch me a sandwich or something from the fridge, I awake deeply embarrassed.
…..........

Drew, in Bournemouth, that route that is stunning to walk, pick up some weed and smoke quite a lot, walk back to the house, stumble into Janni, hug, somewhat paranoid, but not much, sleep through and wake up to him having rolled quite the amount of spliffs for me, he is gone, walk outside in the field.
….........

Diabloesque thing, walk to first level, loads of books and stuff supposed to be filled with spirits and ghosts, it isn't, demon in next level, calls up and tells me to bring the police, there is a crime scene, I look through the door and throw a cleaver into the body lying in a bed, there is a demon I can see through the walls, I think he kills my partner.
….........

Hiding behind some bushes to catch a killer, it is all set up by the police.

non-lucid - Notes - lucid

23-08-11 I am in town at night and a lot of people have been out partying. It is night time and I am headed home. On the way back I decide to do a little parcour, not because I can do it, but because I want to try.

It is working out fair, nothing fancy just jumping from this bench to this trash can with the occasional jump off a wall.

I get on a roll and I get to the end of the pedestrian zone and due to my momentum and confidence I decide to take a leap out over a couple of cars.

Mid jump I realise it is police cars and they realise that I am free running. So as I am hanging in the air they drive to intercept me (gravity aint what it normally is so they have plenty of time, and this might also be the reason for why I am doing so well ^^).

I just manage to jump over the police car though the driver is trying to force me to land on it. A big mean looking officer gets out and asks if I have been running out of building and generally getting into trouble (I get the feeling he doesn't like me or maybe just free runners in general). I show him my teeth and tell him I was just having a bit of fun and that I suck too much to do pretty much anything complicated.

He lets me go, but he isn't happy about it.

I continue homewards, but as I get closer I notice that the street leading up to my building has been taped off with police tape. Since I am not the only one walking this way we are told by an officer that we must go around to the other side of the building taking a longer road that first off leads downwards to a tunnel.

I don't want to, mainly because the first officer I spoke to was such a dick, so in defiance I jump up and grab some metal fencing on the top and get myself up. There are some women that help we by lending me their hands to stand on. I know I can get up myself, but I am not too proud to accept the help as I know there is an officer walking behind them.

I get up and head for my building, there I see the officer that stopped me in the streets. He is looking at me with a video camera though I have hidden behind a metal fencing and the angle should prevent him from looking through. But he is looking straight at me though!

I decide to jump back into the tunnel and take a less defiant approach of getting home after this, though it pisses me off!

In the building I go up with the lift and find myself in a flat, which is weird, because it isn't my building after all and normally the lift would be between the flats. I decide to go look for Mark and Drew's flat, as I believe this to be their building.
…

I am at a narrow cave entrance, looks a bit like what Craig has to go through in cowboys vs. aliens. It is night time and dark.

There is some sort of droid sentinel in the entrance. It shoots out a conal blue ray that will lock onto your presence after a while and get you shot. We need to get inside and we loose a couple of droids from the sentinel before we figure out what to do.

The conal beam narrows and widen in a set pattern from a line to the cone, though the pattern is rather rapid it is possible to jump from hiding spot to hiding spot while it narrows, if you do get caught in the beam you still have a second or two to get away before getting disintegrated.

I run in with a droid that resembles R2D2 a bit and I have to drag him sometimes, because he aint fast enough. It gets hairy once or twice but we manage to get to the end room behind the sentinel. There is a staircase leading up to the main rooms, but before we ascend I throw R2 up to know the sentinel off its position, which results in it falling off the piece of rock and break when it lands.

I move through a door and notice a hell of a lot of people walking by higher up, though they are walking very strange. They are walking with their legs spread fairly wide apart and in a set motion that makes them look like robots.

I also see some women dressed in red and the dresses are so big that it makes them look a bit like caterpillars. It is about this time I become lucid.

As unattractive, as the women are I decide to.. well go for it. I figure I can animate her a bit more and I firmly expect there to be attractive curves under all the clothing.

I struggle a bit with the caterpillar suit, but finally manage to get a hand slipped into her panties and start warming her up till she is nicely hot and sufficiently wet.

Then I wake up >.<
…

I am in a room in a rather big house. I don't recall much before realising I am dreaming and doing a reality check via telekinesis.

There is a camouflage jacket in front of me hanging on the wall. I pick it up and drag it to me using my mind only.

I don't really recall what I am doing before I decide to step up on what could be a fireplace mantel. I create a portal on the floor without looking at it, to go to Chichén Itzá.

I then jump backwards and let myself fall into the portal on the floor. I feel myself sink into the floor and then after a short while I am surrounded by light. These would be the ley-lines also located at the pyramids. I start flowing with the lines which is basically just a stream of light.

However I notice I can't really see anything besides what it looks like with your eyes shut and I wake up.

FA: However I look up and notice there are two comic books. Not just of the same series, but the exact same copy and there is a little animation (like the one in my previous Dresden/Vamp themed dream indicating residual magic).

I wouldn't have two copies of the same comic hanging on the wall (Oh yeah, they are also hanging on the wall! XD). I check my hand and see it in extraordinary vivid detail. I count the fingers, there are five of them, but hang on I am positive I am dreaming! Oh, there are five fingers plus the thumb = six. OK! Dream time onwards!

I fly out the window while looking at the glass as it isn't breaking, never get tired of that! and expect El Castillo to be on my left as I have had success with before.

No luck this time, though I do find myself in a city vastly different from the one I live in, though normally I would find myself in my own neighbourhood. The city or town can best be described as a combination of Bergen (though without the fjord), something Austrian with a jungle surrounding it.

I keep flying about expecting El Castillo to turn up at any time, which doesn't happen.

The dream is much brighter than the others I have had this night. The atmosphere is thick with jungle feel, very moist and hot, but the sky has the Bergen ever-cloudy look.

However I fly up one of the roads at one point and to my left between two buildings there is a giant, yes a giant! It is a man and I think the only thing I tell him is something like “You are a fucking giant aren't you?” (my flatmate later pointed out I might have hurt his feelings like this, so my apologies if I have! =P).

While I see and address the giant it is night time.

I fly onwards, not sure how (and I don't even think about it in the dream) but it is daytime again and I arrive at a misty edge. I perceive this to be the edge of my dream area and decide to expand a bit. I first command an increase in clarity, which happens. Then I command for the mist to disappear, which makes it thin out a bit, “No completely!”, which makes the mist turn red “The red mist also!” which makes it vanish completely and I can look out over a jungle area, which some houses on the hill sides.

I expect El Castillo, but it doesn't appear to be my night, though some of the larger houses on the hill sides take on a partial pyramid shape (meaning they only recede on two of the sides).

I give up and decide to try and find someone I can have sex with (Think this is fairly common when I have had alcohol the night before, though normally when I drink I don't turn lucid).

I fly back towards the first town and come across some strange wooden fence things that makes me unable to fly because they are so close to each other and I need a bit of falling space before I can fly (I don't normally need this, my lucidity has been directed to my balls at this point it would seem).

I end up at a little café and find Djana there, I try and approach her, but know she might not be the best bet. So I move on to a woman sitting at the next table, she seems familiar with shoulder length dark hair and delicate facial features, though I can't put my finger on where I have seen her.

I try and kiss her (without talking to her first) she leans away from me and tell me to stop and that she is there with a new boyfriend.

OK. I think, after participating in this shared dreaming project, I might have to start considering things like consent just in case I am actually dealing with external entities. I can't remember if I apologise (if I didn't and someone had a nightmare of someone assaulting them amorously, then please accept my apology!)

New approach then! “I want sex! anyone around interested?”. I get a fairly quick reply from a woman next table, though I can't recall any of her features. I think grey is the best word to describe her, grey clothes and bland features, fairly boring, but hey lets rock.

Think we manage to agree to get away from the restaurant before I wake up.

Notes: Right OK! drinking and dreaming tends to lead to sexual desire in dreams, which probably shouldn't come as a surprise as I react the same way to the stuff when awake =P.
…

Something about getting a soldier in an arm bar after he has crossed a bridge in a forest. He tells me he concedes and I ask him if he would mind going over and pretend to be my prisoner by the bridge so I can capture more.

He doesn't want to play ball and I find it unfair, because it is only a game and I should be able to catch more. I let him go and he starts resisting so I get on top of him and start pounding his face with my fists.

There is a black guy coming up from the bridge, he looks at us, I don't know exactly what happens or why he does it.
…

I am punching Rasmus and Thomas is the face while they are sat next to my dad (I think) being punished for having done something stupid.

I know people will hate me a bit for it, so I justify my action by telling someone that it will take a bit of heat off both of them, though really it was just for vengeance.

07-07-11 I am at a bridge somewhere, it is raining heavilly and I am with a couple of people. One of them is a black man who apparently likes to play football. At the bridge he is greeted by the coach of one of the teams, it comes to my attention that one of his personality traits is ”luck” (like the sims) and for that he is prone to fortuitious events occuring to him. In the rain and darkness he slowly turns his head to one side. I am expecting to find a tatoo that will indicate that he has been in the same army unit as the coach greeting us. I don't find it, but due to his personality trait the coach påerceives it and asks him to join the game, not as in watching it but actually playing it. We somehow communicate with one of our white mates (Not that skincolour is important to the plot of the dream, though I am trying to identify if I have any colturally inherited biases from my parrents, who would be described as borderline racists, hence I try and pay attention to these clues when I can) who is a mixture of happy and pissed off that this particular guy always get these opportunities.
…

I am in Hornslet, in the street where the baker and old bar is. I am with my parrents and agin it is raining. We are packing up tents. I have a silent battle with my dad about who is better at this particular task, though I sense no hostility.

Notes: Though I don't remember how I turn lucid in the latter dream it is possible that it is a further development from one of the above. They all share the dark rainy atmosphere, though I don't remember which occured first. I do however remember a period of wakefulness in the morning, where I think about how long I have to sleep before I have to wake up to go traveling. It is possible that I have done a DEILD without really trying it, though I did repeat my MILD mantra in the morning wqhile awake. I also did this prior to falling asleep, though not with much ferocity.

08-07-11 I am lying in the bed, much as I am in waking life. I am moving slightly closer to ida until she starts laughing at me. The reason she starts laughing is because I apparently am making hand movements playing with my erect penis. It take me a while to wake up from this seing as I have dreamt about her and I tell her this and the fact that I haven't actually know I have been doing it. She laughs a bit more. And tells me I am doing it again. I have no idea and asks her if she is sure. She is. She decides that it is better to just come closer to me and lie in a spoon, which I am really happy about, I start stroking her body all over and notice that she is really soft, also I wonder why she isn't wearing a top, cause I am sure she weant to bed without one. I am happy cause I dared not ask this, due to ilness and was not sure I would be coming on too strong.
…

I am in the same room and there is a brunette next to me, I believe it is ida, though as soon as we precede with the rather rough intercourse I believe it to be Anna from my study.
…

I am with a blonde in a bed, she doesn't really wanna fool around, but end up wanting to give me a blowjob. She does so while the door to the room is open. I am not really feeling anything and wonder if I can get time to ”help her out” while she is not around. She ends up goong over to the door to close it a bit or at least look out and see if there is any immediate danger of us getting noticed. She thinks not. I notice it is Per Engholm standing outside and he is discussing with my granddad on the mothers side, who appears to be the hotel manager. I see him later fully dressed in a referee's outfit and he is gonna brandish out a couple of yellow cards to my gran as he has done something super illegal. This gives me time to get my blow job resumed, though as it turns out I aint all that up for it anymore.

23/02/11 I am travelling on trains. Lots of times. we encounter policemen and guards who are supposed to control tickets. We climb to the roofs of the trains in motion to avoid detection. At a certain train station I get left going out of the train to take a breather, twice. I am not a happy bunny. I throw a litter bin onto the tracks in hopes that it gets destroyed as a train will run past it. My ticket is still valid for the next train though.

…

I am half asleep. I think about train tracks as I have dreamt of these. Slowly a blurred image of me moving in a vehicle besides train tracks appears. it stabilises. I don't dare take my eyes of the window yet. I need the dream to stabilise a bit more. I finally get a crystal clear image and take a look around. I am in something best described as a very short bus. Except there is no driver. I see that the weather is still grey. I fly out through the window, not breaking the glass. I fly a little upwards and start overtaking cars that break as they see come flying past them. The wind is strong, and I stop up mid air. I get blown back heavily and I get a passing anxiety of falling over and hurting myself until I think otherwise. I think this is going to be cool demonstrating how you can go from heavy momentum to a slow walking speed without any problems, so I do just that. there are now people on the streets and it is sunny. I see a lady walking by n a yellow top with massive breasts. She turns me on a bit and reminds me of the monthly task. I keep walking and ask the first woman I see “hey lady, could I borrow you for a second?” she gets a bit shocked when I kiss her. She asks why I did that and my reply is something as lame as “happy new year”. She decides to follow me and asks if I ever had sex with random travellers, to which I reply that I haven't. She says she has and although she is a bit plumb and I don't really find her attractive I decide why not. We head towards a house and as she is turning slightly around I place my hand on her stomach and slims her down a bit.. I guess she really is a DC then. We try having sex, but I have some blocking and can't get in. I keep trying to focus on her eyes, but soon the dream destabilise.

non-dream - non-lucid - lucid

26/01/11 I was with Ronja and realised I was dreaming, I take the chance and turn the dream sexual. She is glad I have finally made a move and take me outside.

She is teasing me and as we walk over a lawn she asks me if we should make love in open air or in a tent conveniently located on the yard in question.

…

I wake up and go back to sleep, after a couple of seconds images start appearing and I turn on my senses to stabilise.

I start flying through windows and floors. I encounter a few issues, but quickly gain confidence to overcome these and the problems are no more.

I start experimenting and manage to evocate a tornado under my control. I also make lightning flash in the background and feel pretty satisfied.

I also manage to summon 2 water elementals, that later start looking like water balloons in humanoid shapes.

Notes: I had natural awakenings prior to the dreams and I didn't even have to try to initiate them. One is probably more a DEILD, which is a first for me, so all in all a productive evening!

non-dream - non-lucid - lucid

14/12/10 I was in a series of dreams involving a lot of family at some sort of party. However the main plot of the storyline was me first of all ignoring a beautiful young woman's approach. This woman turned out to be my neighbour and some woman told me off for leaving her hanging there, considering the fact that I had been playing up to something more. I ended up walking to her door, my heart pounding and at the time I did not know if I would have the courage to knock. I hoped she would come out of the door before I had to and I got lucky. I mumbled something about how nervous I felt and she invited me in.

Throughout the dreams we end up dating and although we make out a lot and she continue to agree to my my sexual approaches we never get to actually do it. And although I never stop to think about the fact that I am dreaming, in the dreams I remember being really frustrated about the fact that I awake before we get to do anything. Her kiss felt amazing and I even remember running my finger under the edge of her underwear, feeling faint hairs growing back after a shave.

Reflection: Although the dreams themselves remain unfulfilled it seemed like I was learning a lesson. A lesson on how to combat a stupid amount of shyness I feel when approaching women. Lets see how it pans out.

non-dream - non-lucid - lucid

22/11/10 Fragments

Battling Darth Vader
Using the force to steal an idle light sabre from him.
Just the two of us in a star ship.
He is planning to do evil.
The force is failing me, bar the telekinesis.

…

Awakening in a dark side setting.
A girl is lying bound up on a medical table.
She is in a coma.
I am there in 3rd person view.
Someone is there with me, he is naked as well.
I think I refer to him ass my “uncle”.
The girl is my girlfriend maybe.
She communicates with my “uncle” telepathically.
She sparks lust in him he cums on the floor.
She is driving him towards sacrificing my arm for her to wake up.
She is promising nights of passion.
I refuse.
I am lying on the bed and she tells me that it is indeed her telling my “uncle” to take my arm.
I spin around and all of a sudden hold my “uncle's” neck between the blades of a garden shears.

non-dream - non-lucid - lucid

09/11/10 I was a commander of an army among other things. The commanding of the army takes place in a setting that is best described as a combination of Battlefield, Rome and Command and Conquer. I am engineer of sorts and have invented a vehicle throwing out grenades at a rapid pace. This results in a lot of people flying about, dying. The scene keeps changing between first person and giving me a tactical overview of either the world map or the immediate surroundings. Towards the end of the dream I retreat to a bedroom that is set in darkness. Cleopatra's bedroom apparently because she enters and tells me she needs to get changed, she takes off her top and to my delight she is wearing nothing underneath. She vaguely starts explaining about her problems with Mark Anthony, he has broken his promise of protecting Egypt. She sits down next to be on the bed and starts finding a clean shirt to put on. I don't allow her, I grab her around the waist and lie her down on the bed. She is excited and want it as much as me, and although I believe her motives to be mainly political I am seriously turned on, in fact I think I enjoy the political aspect of sex, something I have never (and probably never will) experienced before. We kiss and I undress her and myself, but as I am about to enter her there is something in the way. I get a bit annoyed and wake up realising that I have a massive boner and my pants are acting quite restrictive. Bummer!

non-dream - non-lucid - lucid

01/11/10 Mainly fragmented stuff have been on a week long break to see if I could reduce the amount of stress I had associated with dreaming (RCs, awareness checks and writing down). My recall seems to have improved slightly, but I have forced myself not to write things down, but here I am back again.

Was in a computer FPS like scenario, had a feeling I was in someone else's dream. Kept running over the same places looking for something, the key to get further with no success. I was climbing stuff.

Same scenery but I am supposed to be there, being followed by two teenagers, Jacob Bausager seems afraid of them, he borrows the plane and crashes it, it is my parents I go ballistic, I trusted him with it.

different people setting up various outlets to make money, Martin is one of them, I have one of his beers and help him out a bit. His mum comes and tells me I have always understood him, I don't understand this as I was horrible to him in school, we talk about his legs. Martin explains how I used to hit them, back in school when they were at their worst.

Drinking blood of a woman, she has betrayed me and I shouldn't have come out on top, but her blood gives me strength, when she is almost completely dry I get a narcotic rush and tell her “Now I know why they drain them completely” She replies that I haven't come close yet. I feel euphoric I feel like having sex with this woman, but I am not going to do it with her dead. I start pouring blood into the hole I have been sucking from, she asks what I am doing and I reply that I don't want to kill her. She sounds hopeful, but tells me that I will need to hypnotise her. I tell her I don't know how to do that and she explains that I will need to talk to Thomas (White Court Vamp, Dresden Files) about that.

OK a note here: During my time in Thailand I got attacked by vampires, they laid off the attacks as I stroke a bargain with the family patron vamp. I was suspicious then as to what was involved in the deal, but nothing so far has come up. This is my first vamp related dream since then and the only one ever with me on the sucking side. Although I try to be a good guy I must admit I am fairly interested in seeing if this is somewhat part of the same overall plot. IWL as per me writing this down I can't help but think “Is this it, am I turning now?”

(This next section I think I was more awake than in a dream, but I will write it down anyhows)

I am in the other guys dream as mentioned before, fairly positive I have just been awake. I am practising expectations behind doors, as a way of changing scenery (I am horrendous at dream control involving change of location). So the entire exercise for me here is to successfully explore a dream while lucid (A flowing change of scenery where I don't get caught up in my poor conscious imaginative skills to interfere). I keep thinking to myself “Damn this doesn't count, I can't even get into first person, so really I am just visualising all of this and not dreaming at all. Damn that means I will wake up shortly as well” (A pretty non-productive way of thinking!) It only lasts about 30 seconds to a minute.

non-dream - non-lucid - lucid


03-10-10 I am at a Casino, winning loads. I also take chips left behind, as no one is there. My dad comes and cleans the place up. The chips I have won turn into metal for me to cash out. Something is wrong my dad goes on a run, I follow, he ends up running over a house. We get noticed by the people inside, I spot a parcour route I could take to get on to the roof. A mother and daughter catches me (not litterally) and tell me my dad ruined their floor, I assure them he will fix it. I end up going through the house, but I am hit by a buzzing sensation, I ask what is causing it and the mother explains that it is the incense sticks. I reply I have never felt anything like it before, they make the sticks themselves, from “yogi trees”, the mother invites me to find one, but the daughter explains how they are nearly extinct. This doesn't seem to bother the mother, but the daughter and I don't like it.

…

I am in a house that in some way reminds me of our family house in Hornslet. We are playing some sort of game and 2 eastern European women are there, playing the game with us. They are discussing the pros and cons about being a prostitute. One of them a blond girl sort of fancies the idea and as the little party goes on, we scatter and she ends up having sex with an old English friend of mine. They start out on the table. Simultaneously the rest of us are spending time somewhere else. I am talking to the other girl really interested in getting in her pants, but she lets me down and while I am taken somewhere else to deal with something, she starts a conversation with a quiet sensible man, whom I do not previously know. In the end they too start having sex and I feel a bit down seeing as there is only 3 rooms upstairs and 2 of them are being used for sexual exploits and I am not part of anything. I have to go to the toilet, so I spend a bit of time in the hallway connecting all the rooms and I can see the second couple on the bed and I can hear the first, the woman complaining that not even my Friend can satisfy her. She contacts me and asks if what I think about her having sex in my house, I say I love the thought and she asks me if I could fix the table for her as she could feel it breaking when they started. Apparently the table did it for her. I agree and is getting quite excited up until she says “Oh there is just one catch, R (my English friend) will be doing the tuffing”. To which I am quite disappointed.

…

I end up summoning a demon in the form of an old English friend of mine to fulfil my sexual desires, her boyfriend is a good friend of mine.. PM me if you need further details...

…

I am locked to something between a safe and a steel frame, but for some reason I am able to move. This is a good thing as I am being stolen by some badies and I need to discover their location. I end up getting myself hooked to some strange hook in the car which leaves me in a position where I am halfway hanging out the car running on the street as they drive down the road. I am thinking shit I am outside my flat and I don't have my keys, I check my pockets and they are gone. I react by thinking to myself “Oh yeah I am dreaming, I need to just expect them to be there” I check my pockets again and they are now there.. Can't remember exactly but I think I keep going down the road...

…

I am experiencing flashes, which I think might be HHs. They are of Vala Maldaran of SG-1 and as they continue I am thinking “Vala, hmm alright I'll go with it” (I have been such a pig this night ^^). As they continue I become aware that she is lying unconscious in a corridor as am I in the form of Daniel Jackson (I am not able to shift, but I am just casually aware that I might frighten her if I am myself, and I just become him). The HHs eventually grow to a full dream, I try to move around, but this seems to destabilise the dream so I decide to go with the plot and just pay attention. I am captured as a fraud by Daniel Jackson, as this is confusing I choose to refer to him as Michael Shanks (I decided this in the dream) while I remain Daniel Jackson (Nods to myself, yes!). I am taken through a window to a large garage and I pride myself in the amount of details I can produce and in particular I am proud of the lighting effect cause by someone welding in the background. This looks rather spectacular on Richard Dean Anderson and the variety of tools, boxes, gates, nets and other military/technical equipment in the room. I become elated and am about to jump up a table and start dancing as I am awoken by noise in my physical surroundings.

…

A continuation of the dream with the two eastern European women, I ask what I have done to offend them and they tell me I have thrown away one of the person's clothes. We are at a pool side and I manage to drag one of them down into the pool after her having taken off her blouse, in a playful manner. I am vaguely aware that I am dreaming and tell them that I can easily recover the clothes. Turns out I am still horrible at summoning stuff and they discard me as an idiot and I just forget about them.

At the side of the pool my first girlfriend (if you can call her that, didn't last longer than 3 months) looks disappointed at me and ask me if I still have the bag she gave to me in another dream. I consider my answer and decide to go with the truth that I have completely forgotten about it and alas don't have access to it. She tells me that there are huge parts of her identity in there and it was my one chance to get to know her. I tell her I know she likes to dance, she smiles and agrees. I ask her if it is only the traditional dancing or spontaneous individual performances as well (Which I have enjoyed doing since we parted) and she tells me she loves it and grabs my hand in excitement. I wake up to the same aforementioned noise.

...

There is a lake, I am lucid and the water of the lake is bright blue, as in so blue you cannot see beneath the surface. I attempt to shrink (last month's task) with some success and I dance through the water at molecular level with loads of electrical activity around me. I am only able to shrink in the water at least to the minuscule size I am at that point. When I exit the lake the blades of grass is about as big as me and I attempt to go back to molecular size but can't. I can easily fit myself in one of those neck supports you buy for sleeping in a sitting position during long flights (recently saw these, as some of my family brought them on a 10 hour flight to Thailand). There are two or three lying at the grass by the side of the lake.


Notes: Quite a good way to end a dryspell, although my lucids are now frequent they seem to be very short and my control is rather limited. I think I need to refocus on my dream world as I have been on holiday and been ill before it, during which time I have been relaxing too much.

However I was pretty drunk and much of my sleep was disturbed by a mate of mine moving about on the sofa, I am not sure whether this was a helping factor or not although I suspect it helped with attaining lucidity, but shortened the duration.

non-dream - non-lucid - lucid

04-09-10 I seem to recall 4 dreams although they are very fragemented and possibly interconnected.

I am in a tunnel, there are a series of doors that have to be opened by shutting down the power supply and reconnecting it again, as I proceed through the tunnel the difficulty of the tasks increase. My friend Daniel is there, he is pretty useles in this dream, so I am trying to teach him how to do the assignments. At one point he is trying to reconnect the power to a door, but I see that it is a tricky task so I take over, as I attempt to reconnect the power I get electrocuted with something like 300 volt, and I am unable to let go of the cord. I feel the shock (very realistically!) but I am able to scream, I keep yelling to Daniel that he has to pull me off it as I myself am unable, he is just laughing. He keeps laughing, I sense that he thinks I am joking, after a while he realise I am in agony and his smile fades from his face, I wake up before he pulls me away from the power.
...
I am in a heroes of might and magic setting and there is a woman who is teaching us how to build in order to get an early victory and achievement (I know heroes doesn't have achievements). Daniel (same guy from above) is moving for me and screws up the entire plan. I get angry. I think there is something I am supposed to do when I get angry but think little more of it (Anger and acting on aggression is a clear dream sign for me, so whenever I have a slight aggressive thought IRL I RC)
...
There is a big group of old friends of mine from highschool and we are working on obtaining cash to go somewhere on a ship. There is a shop that sells equipment we need in order to get the money. I have bought a ferrari, an old worn down ferrari, and my friends are mocking me for breaking my code of conduct regarding consumerism. That is until they see the car. I seem to have also bought a bike where the wheels have no tires, pretty pointless. Lasse gammelgaard is in a wheelchair and needs a certain moped, but he is unable to bargqain the price down within his budget of 18,700 Danish kroner. As we are preparing to leave my cousin explains that he is not going to leave Mads behind, I explain that I just saw Mads and my cousin convince me to say goodbye, which I agree to. Unfortunately Mads has been taken to a mental instituion. We find him and join him for group therapy, he is just goofing around he has no intentions of taking it seriously so we start goofing around as well. Apparently Thure, my flat mate, becomes the center of attention for not only the therapist, but also the rest of the group. However the Therapist is starting to suspect that some of the people there are not supposed to be there, apparently she can tell that we have been watching movies, which means we are not allowed to be there. The group is disbandening slowly with people laughing as they leave.
...
I am with B, a friend of mine, and she tells me she really wants sex, and by that she means very quickly and with me. This is weird we are too close friends for this I think, but seeing as I do fancy her a bit I go with it. We kiss, she tells me that won't be required she is ready, she takes her top off revealing some perky small pink nipples on perfect breats, just dying to be licked, so I do this. She tells me I don't have to do this she is ready. Essentially she wants it hard and fast! So I start removing her stockings and by doing this gets extremly excited and wake up.
...
I ma playing startcraft in a 4 player game. I get my ass handed to me big time, the winning player admits there was a bug in the game he exploited although he didn't know it would be there.

Notes: The funny thing is that Daniel from my dreams (the first time I dream of him) actually ended up disturbing 3 WILD attempt during the morning, by first starting a hoover upstairs, then turning on the music and lastly knocking on the floor all at times when I was extremely close to transitioning. This made me angry at first, but I thought it funny later on =P