Uncategorized

frag

I am with Kalani on a cigarette boat at night. I look up at the Moon. Another moon flies up next to the first Moon.

"Dude, this Moon is telling us we are dreaming!"

The Moons morph into a shape something like white glowing bats. The night sky ripples like water.

I take off flying. I start flying to the Moon.

This is going to take too long. I should teleport. I try to teleport. For some reason, I say, "BV-V-V-V-T!" Fail. Open a portal! Fail.

I try to teleport the boat. Fail. I fly to chase it, but it eludes me.

Frustration wakes me up.

NOTES

Raven and I go to help my friend Alex with an astral demon making her have nightmares.

"Sleep, child, sleep."

Cold blue breath.

I attack it savagely.

Raven binds it in black ice.

I interrogate it.

It says its on a mission to destroy Mother Witch.

I morph into a tree were-cat.

Raven: What are you doing?

I am trying to find my dream self.

MoSh: Just focus man! You are all right here.

No! I am all over the universe!

MoSh: Just focus on the you that is here, right here, right now.

Tigress: Fun tree!

She turns into a cat and climbs me. Hi kitty!

Raven: Hey, we have a mission!

I have to be a tree first.

(eye roll)

STOPPIT STOP CHASING ME YOU ASSHOLE.

There is a mirror chasing me, with an image of my Nightmare Monster self in it.

I run down a beach and get to a gate in a seawall. I become liquid and smoosh through. I summon a huge hammer. I smash the gate, and then smash the mirror. I smash every piece into tinier and tinier bits.

The Atom grabs my arm.

Stop! Focus your perception. This is unnecessary. Dream about whatever you want.

The clouds look lovely. I float up to a cloud and lie down on it. Women in togas feed me grapes. I turn into a rainbow dragon, and fly in spirals around the clouds. Yaay!

I am at dinner with Vegeta and his family. He slaps his wife.

You fool! What does it take for you to see this is all illusion? I would never do such a thing.

Vegeta slaps me. Now let us be on the same playing field.

Vegeta and I have an illusion battle. I am utterly confused.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS?

Close your eyes, apprentice. See my energy through your eyelids. That is all.

I obey. AHA! You are the glowing energy orb person!

Yes. Now, attack.

I attack the orb, and it attacks back. All I can see is vague shapes through black.

Then Vegeta attacks with mental barrage.

What do you think you are doing you worthless piece of shit for brains in school i ate your for breakfast oatmeal wandering through time gods wailing for nothing upsetting universal soul squeamish blood churns rot dead babies in the pot green glush moosh moosh looboo new

I can't think straight. I create a shield over my third eye.

NOW YOU ARE BLIND, YOU IDIOT. TRY AGAIN.

I morph his voice in my head into white noise. I detect a wavelength in it. I follow the wave to his soul and punch it as hard as I can.

He goes flying backward.

AH, NOW YOU ARE FINALLY LEARNING. NOW GO TRAIN IN 100X EARTH GRAVITY.

I am a type of spider-man. I am in a lab. I make a potion, and drink it. I am Spider-HULK. HULK SMASH.

I smash the lab. I walk up stairs. I am in a castle dungeon. I smash it from the inside. Spidey SMASH. SMASH SMASH SMASH.

I eat some trees in the forest. I feel sick. Spidey-Hulk puke in the river. Sorry river. I fall asleep and dream I am a winged rabbit. I wake up, and am a winged rabbit. Hulk confused! I am a winged spider-hulk rabbit.

I shot web out of my shoulder. I like trains. I bend train tracks to me. I eat trains. Trains taste like sausage. Why? Is the people meat?

Sprabbit0Mulk confused!

I jump to Moon!

Uh... Nomad? Nate? What's wrong with you?

I smash my head with my hand. A little worm comes out of my ear. It starts talking to me. I step on it.

That thing made confused, Raven. Ah! It's in my foot! SHIT GOING UP MY LEG TO BRAIN TO AAAH! SMASH MOON!

I shot web around moon! I spin moon around like hammer toss! Go moon go into other dimension! No Moon! I am Moon! I am planet Moon!

Nomad, stop messing around! We have a mission!

I am my boy self playing with action figures in the mud by the koi pond.

What? Huh? Oh, I had the strangest dream, Raven.

You were talking in your sleep.

Oh. Weird! Are we dreaming?

Yes! Let's go.

abridged

BVVT. BVVVVT. I am morphing into my shadow beast self on the Moon.

Raven: Uh... what are you doing?

Morphing into my Shadow Beast Self. Try it!

Uh...

You got dark energy under control. You'll be fine.

Raven morphs into a black jaguar queen.

missing time

I am with MoSh, Tigress, and Raven in Club Nexus at the center of the Universe. We are lounging in a VIP room. Angel opens the door. A Reptilian tries to follow her in. She rips his head off, and kicks his body away. She sits down beside me. I then notice we are all our Shadow Selves.

"So, how about we morph into Shadow Beast Selves, and go kick some Templar ass?"

Angel: what's that?

I morph.

Aha!

missing time

We are in some time of hedge maze. We practice morphing. We tear through the maze, tearing it to pieces.

***

We are in a hotel lobby and the center of the maze at the same time. Hunter S. Thompson is sitting with us, cutting a drug with a razor blade on a table.

"DMT and Adrenachrone, straight from the pineal gland and adrenal gland of my dead dream body! HAHAHAH! Try it!"

"Dude, I do my own DMT."

Hunter sticks tubes on my head that connects my pineal gland and my adrenal gland to my gums.

Everything smears. We are our Shadow Beast Selves riding through a stormy sky on cruiser bikes. We are all big black were-cats in leather. We land in the parking lot of a strange roadside Midwestern Bar.

It says, "Republican Knights, in service of The Queen" out front, and there are strange Masonic symbols all over it. We barge in.

It's full of men in black suits and sunglasses. The bartender: Excuse me? Why the hell are you here?

"We are here to FUCK SHIT UP!" I roar and throw a table at the bartender. It crashes into the drinks as he ducks behind the bar, and a mirror shatters. The table bursts into splinters, flying into the Templars' bodies. They shoot at us with lasers from their sunglasses, and fly around in a "random" pattern. We each manifest a strange elemental magic. I have a flaming blue metallic aura. I shoot blue flame at me enemies, and attack them physically. We throw furniture at people. MoSh smashes things with a huge chain. Raven is wielding a strange weapon, like a morning star with a blade at the end of the chain. Tigress has spiked brass knuckles. Angel has strange wires spinning around her.

I get hit with a flaming orange. My witchblade forms around me. I bite the Templars' heads off and consume their energy.

HAHHAHAHHAA!

Loaf appears a small red vampire. He runs in and places a time bomb on the central pillar. We all run out of the bar. It explodes.

Aquanina appears as a mermaid swimming in the sky, and she puts out the fire on us.

Cacophony appears piloting a helicopter. We climb up a rope ladder and get in. We hi-5 each other.

I am wandering in a large library in England. I feel there is some hidden knowledge. Reality peels back, and I see the real library underneath.

I am in some weird alien interdimensional Hall of Records, the Akashic Records.

A glowing white man, with a face that is feline and reptile, maybe even insectoid all at the same time approaches me. His voice sounds like a thousand trumpets.

"Well, hello, wanderer. You have finally came. You want to find The Book. Everyone does. Everyone starts with That One."

"Uh... What is The Book?"

"The story of your life, your lifetimes, your soul's journey, from inception to end, and back again."

"I want to unlock the mysteries of the universe."

"You are a beautiful mystery unto yourself."

"Am I?"

"Yes, all things living and non-living, sentient and non-sentient, even the comprehensible and nonexistent things are lovely mysteries."

We walk to a simple leather bound book on a glass pedestal. I open it. A white light pours out of it, and grabs my face. I get sucked in to the picture. I am in some other life. I am having a picnic on a mountain with a beautiful woman in post-warII Europe, but I am in a different Europe, in a different Earth, a different dimension.

The dream explodes. I am in hundreds or thousands of dreams in many dimensions simultaneously.

I feel like I am grabbing my soul and pulling it out of my mouth, simultaneously melting my face off and slapping it back on like hot salami.

Everything compresses. Hunter S. Thompson is sitting across from me in a hotel lobby. "This is some good shit, this DMT stuff, boy. Hell yeah. I am going to do this shit this entire afterlife, kid. Mahalo." He is cutting a powder on the table.

"Uh, Hunter, is that cocaine?"

"No! And even if it was, who gives a shit? This is our dream, and we are going to do whatever the hell we want."

He yells his head off.

"ISN'T THAT RIGHT? YOU FUCKING STUCK UP CONCIERGE PRICK! I AM DREAMING, BITCH! FUCK YOU! I SNORT DMT IN DREAMS. HAHAHHAHA!"

Hunter turns into a giant albatross with a can of tuna with two mice in it on his back. They turn into Ralph Steadman, and Ralph the Motorcycle Mouse, and then, Hunter flies off.

Now I am in The Rescuers. I feel confused. I get dizzy and puke.

I wake up in a hotel bathroom. Johnny Depp is slapping my face. I cough. Smelling salts.

"Holy shit, kid," he says, turning into Hunter. "That was some crazy shit you just snorted pal. Why don't you take it easy, and just go kill some lubricant aliens. They keep trying to infect my fucking wormholes. See, I got water on the brain, from being in the desert. My skull's bloated man. Don't you get it, you asshole? I thought you were my lawyer, you worthless Samoan. HELP!"

Hunter has a heart attack, and explodes. There is blood everywhere. I freak out and scream.

I am in Hunter's den. He's writing a suicide note. He burns it and chuckles.

He loads a revolver.

He looks at me. I realize I am looking at him through a mirror.

He points at his reflection. "FUCK YOU."

He lifts the gun to his head. I leap through the mirror as he blows his head off.

I freak out and beat the crap out of his body. 'YOU ASSHOLE! WHAT THE HELL.'

His ghost taps me on the shoulder.

"It's all green gravy, kid. No use crying over spilled blood. HAHAHA. Hey, I was planning on it for years. I didn't want to go through any of that old age bullshit. Can you blame me? Now I am free. I am going to a angel or demon or something write? Get it? Write. See I am speaking to you telepathically, so you can see what I am saying. Anyway, aren't you supposed to give me a pair of wings, kid?"

"No, I am just a human, you idiot!"

"Dammit! Don't lie to me!"

He throttles me.

"Fugg yew! Here!" I cough. I summon a pair of cheesy red costume bird wings. He puts them on and flies up. He strums a harp, then shoots red arrows.

"I am going to play Cupid for awhile, Nate."

"That doesn't make any fucking sense!"

"Hey, fuck you kid. I will now proceed to wander through Heaven and Hell as I so choose."

NOTES

We are in an RPG game I made. It's a naval battle with triremes, Hawaiian canoes, and Spanish galleons.

I stand up from the water. I have a ship strapped to my back for I am a Monster Ship Thingy!

I roar, and the people in my boat shoot flaming arrows at the other boats. The other Monster Ship Thingies, stand up, and we battle. Suddenly we are in the desert. Don Juan laughs, and the dream explodes.

NOTES

A bunch of people say let's have an RPG dream.

I turn into a dream octopus. Every arm is holding a different dream-bubble. The worlds appear different, but they are all the same basic theme:

I am a flying steed: a dragon, a pterodactyl, a great bird, a bat-creature, a dragonfly. Other dreamers get on my back. We sky battle. We go to a floating island in the sky. We battle the boss.

The boss is a fat steampunk robot. Inside it's being controlled by a little man, which is me.

LOL LOL LOL LOL

The Cusp and I are in a bar having a drinking contest. Then we decide to play beer pong. I lose. I slam my palms down on the table. It flies up toward me, all the beer spilling. I suck all the beer in through the air, and make the table land back down in place.

Impressive, Nomad. Then, The Cusp drinks beer out of a beer bong, and then it comes out of his butt, and back into the beer bong going in a circle.

GROSS DUDE.

What? It's a dream, man. Everything's perfectly clean.

NOTES

I am on the Moon in the Biodome with Raven, MoSh, Tigress, Silverwolf. Angel appears and is mad because I didn't invite her to the game. I tell her I didn't think she'd like it. She says that's her waking self. Her dream self loves dreams, and loves dream games. OK!

Loaf appears and says he wants in. Then a bunch of portals open, and an assload of dreamers pop in. It's overwhelming. I don't recognize a lot of them. About half the people on Deep Dreaming.

I ask Q10 to make a giant sky portal, and he takes us to the Outer Lands.

CONSUMING ILLUSION.

I break the dreams up into a group of dream-bubbles. Each dream has about four or five people in it. They all have the same basic adventure.

They are flying on individual reindeer in winter over mountains. They spot a cave. They land to explore it. They go in. There are shadow goblins hiding waiting to pick off stragglers. They battle some of the minor DC's, and get some cool power ups, like mantra balls.

They finally find me in the center. I am guarding a giant mantra ball of lucidity.

I am a giant CYBORG SPIDER SATAN CLAWS.

Most of them kick my ass, but some of them PARTY DIE EPIC PHAIL. and have to start over. HAHAHAA.

Then, I put everyone in a carnival. All the carnies turn into zombies. And shit! The cotton candy was drugged! WE ARE ALL TRIPPING BALLS ON DREAM LSD. HAHAHAHA

I make the rides melt. They get stuck in a funhouse, and can't tell the difference between glass, mirrors, and air. I run around looking like everyone, basically a 3D mirror. Then, I become a mad scientist sentient zombie robot fucker in the center of the funhouse.

Suddenly, everything goes 2D, and it's a multiplayer Megaman game. I AM SCIENCEMAN, AND YOU SHALL NEVER HAVE MY SUPER EPIC SPINNING AIR SLICING TIME-BLADES!

Someone turns into Sonic and spins in my face, killing me. LOL

NOTES

Tigress, MoSh, Silverwolf, and Raven are in a Battleworld I made. We are playing a dream RPG game. I put them in a labyrinth, become a Minotaur in the center, and try to make them lose their lucidity by making the maze look like a real hedge.

They themselves are not normal, but they don't notice.

They find me, and kill me. DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL.

Then we go back to the Moon.

We wake up in the Night Dream Temple in the City of Nowhere on the Moon.

That was weird!

Let's do it again!

I am a huge space station, and they are in space ships. We battle. Kraftwerk appears and he's a cyborg. I tell him he can't breathe. He starts to gag, then he says, "It's a dream, asshole!" then he blasts me with a rocket up my vent shaft and I blow up.