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abridged

I am part of an army of Polynesian warriors.

There is an cavalry of magical templars on a hill opposite us. They clang their weapons against their shields.

We chant to the gods, and summon forth elemental magic into our weapons.

Both sides charge into battle.

We smash them in half with our wooden shark tooth swords, and crush them with our clubs.

I morph into an army of giant six eyed boars with bloody tusks. I trample over Templars. I morph into a form of Kamapua'a, the great demigod shapeshifter. Half-man, half-boar. I roar. I grab Templars and bite their heads off. I scoop them into my mouth and devour them. They flee in terror.

There is one giant Templar, the size of a skyscraper that is controlling all of them. My army morphs into one giant being. We grapple. The Templar slices us in half with his giant sword, but we morph into a swarm, and cover his body with stinging ants. He screams and writhes in pain. We eat the flesh off of his bones, but leave his eyeballs.

I see his eyes moving around. I spit on his left eye. I stab the right one with a fork, and eat it.

I see the dark thoughts of the Templars:
Images of destruction, pain, and a love of torment. Guilt beyond measure. Misguided fools... Bowing down to Baphomet... He is George Bush. He strolls among the minions... Communicating with demons, dark arts... bowing down to The Owl... asking demons to possess... they are the Daystalkers...
they fear: the DayWalkers... the Dreamwalkers which dream while awake, and awake to dreams... vampires... stealing their dark energy...

I am in a very dark place. Outside... it's fall... chilly... everything's dying... Near and old black stone building...

I am staring at myself in a mirror. I am a vampire with pale violet skin, golden eyes, and pupils that flash from red to black. My hair is pure white, straight and long. I am wearing a long black suit. I grab a cane and a top hat, and grin to myself, baring my fangs.

I am a dark energy vampire, and I like it that way.

I step outside. The Templar's left eye is floating in front of me, the size of a beach ball. I sense it's fear.

I feed on your food. Now, starve.

I lunge at the eyeball. It turns into a quivering white woman for a second, with the flesh of a wet eyeball. I bite her on the neck, and she explodes, then reforms to an eyeball. He knocks me back with a force field. I suck his force field into my hand. I keep draining him of his dark energy. I use it to make violet lightning.

He laughs madly as his energy is leaving him.

I am covered in violet lightning as I draw out the last bit of dark energy. The lightning goes into the ground.

A little glowing yellow orb floats out of what looks like an old cocoon.

"Oh! Thank you for freeing me of that dark energy! Now I am going to reincarnate into something cool!"

"Uh... you're welcome?"

The dream ends like a Warner Brothers cartoon.

triple post

I am staring at myself in the bathroom mirror. I grow horns, and my face changes to a devil face. I grow hair on my legs, and hooves. I grin. I morph into an indigo panda wielding a bamboo staff. I morph into a purple jaguar cub with cute little wings. I become a huge bony man-dog, a black and white Great Dane.

I push against the door. It ripples.

I step through into a dream.

I am in a speakeasy during Prohibition in America. I am upstairs, brushing my teeth in a bathroom. There is a woman getting dressed on a bed. She is speaking in a New York accent, but I have no idea what the hell is saying. She seems to be complaining about something.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

She looks at me blankly. I then realize she's a DC.

"Where's the dreamer? Who's dream am I in?"

She mumbles some Charlie Brown adult gobbledy-gook. I put on a tie in annoyance, and a sportscoat and go downstairs. Shit... my hat. Fuck it.

There is a black man playing piano, and a bunch of rowdy white people.

Some loudmouth is yelling/singing, "Play us a song, darkie... play us a song..."

I scan the area for dreamers. I see most of the people are dreamers but don't even realize they are dreaming.

I run to the middle of the bar.

HEY EVERYONE! YOU ARE DREAMING!

The music stops. Everyone stares at me. I morph into an indigo panda, and start dancing.

I AM THE GOD OF LUCIDITY BITCHES, AND IT'S 38:38 o'clock, so kick ass and take names, because who knows when the dream is going to be over!

Some people fly through the roof. Others walk out of the bar. The black guy clocks the guy in the face making the racist comments.

"What? You uppity nigger! Just because this is New-"

I turn in a jaguar and leap upon the racist dude, biting his head off. He deflates. I then realize he's a DC of the black pianist. "Man, this was your own DC!"

"What?"

"Oh, nevermind, just enjoy-"

The black dude is staring at his hands. They turn into snakes, then, the hands of a white person, then he disappears.

The bartender shouts. "A sorcerer! A sorcerer! Kill him!" A bunch of cheesy lego-like Templars march down the stairs. I roll on the floor laughing, then turn into the big bad wolf, and blow them over like birthday candle flames.

I wake up rolling around in the biodome.

Nomad, what are you doing?

I am trying to make people lucid, Raven.

You can't even make yourself lucid!

I know.

Are you lucid right now?

No.

This is a dream.

I know.

Raven shoots sparkly stuff at my third eye.

I become lucid. I fly to the top of The Tower. I see people milling about in the Biodome. There are funny little houses and shops. It reminds me of the city we went to on the Dream Warrior Planet.

Are these people from DV?

Is the Biodome cooler than the City of Nowhere?

Guargawn appears beside me. He laughs and pats me on the shoulder. No, no, these are just different types of people. Some people like LA, some people like New York, and some people like Atlantis.

So.. which one is this?

This, my friend, is The Biodome.

I walk around exploring the streets and the open market. I introduce myself as Mayor of the Biodome. Some people ask me what the Biodome is. Others say I am not the Mayor. Raven Knight is. Others say Stephanie is. Others say having a mayor is a stupid idea.

I turn into a bunch of cats, and roar at people: YOU AR DREAMING!

I watch a bunch of dreamers as they move through their dreams. They stay still, and their dreams move around them. They spin to change the scene, or to go to a different location. I notice people sniff others a lot. I have never noticed it before. Everything looks like a cartoon.

Then, I see energy trails like scents. I realize we are sniffing energy.

Everything is black.

I smell saltwater. I hear ocean waves. I regain my sight. I am standing on a beach with grey sand somewhere in Ireland. I see a lady in a white dress looking out to sea. I feel she is very sad. "Raven?"

She turns to me. She has a rotten skull face. I recoil in horror. The entire dream writhes with parasites and innards. I feel nauseous. I teleport into a microscopic size. I fly through the walls of the dream. It's a cube. There is a creepy boy in a science lab levitating the dream between his hands.

At this point the dream explodes, and becomes nearly indescribable.

Smashed bubbles... Dreams within dreams.... losers winning...

I watch a bunch of dreamers as they move through their dreams. They stay still, and their dreams move around them. They spin to change the scene, or to go to a different location. I notice people sniff others a lot. I have never noticed it before. Everything looks like a cartoon.

Then, I see energy trails like scents. I realize we are sniffing energy.

Everything is black.

I smell saltwater. I hear ocean waves. I regain my sight. I am standing on a beach with grey sand somewhere in Ireland. I see a lady in a white dress looking out to sea. I feel she is very sad. "Raven?"

She turns to me. She has a rotten skull face. I recoil in horror. The entire dream writhes with parasites and innards. I feel nauseous. I teleport into a microscopic size. I fly through the walls of the dream. It's a cube. There is a creepy boy in a science lab levitating the dream between his hands.

At this point the dream explodes, and becomes nearly indescribable.

Smashed bubbles... Dreams within dreams.... losers winning...

So, I explain to everyone what their nightmare nets are, and what just happened.

Baphomet was able to sneak in here by being very very tiny.

I ask everyone if they want their personal nightmare nets.

Walms flies through the sky, and grabs his. He wraps it up like a turban, and wears it.

Raven looks at her, thinking, then grabs it, and carefully places it in a leather pouch.

MoSh looks repulsed, but uses a pair of tongs and places it in a tear in the fabric of time and space.

Tigress says hell yeah, and makes a dress out of it that looks like stars.

Loaf looks doubtful. He then turns into a vampire. The net moves like my symbiote, and becomes a cape.

Mowglycdb eats his. His red fox fur turns black, and his eyes turn red.

Silverwolf says she's going to have Pixy study it, and she makes it into a powder, then puts it in a bottle.

Cacophony ties it around her head like bandanna. It runs away. She chases it, then it chases her down a beach. I realize she is using Consuming Illusion without realizing it.

AndresLD turns his into some kind of space-skateboard.

I sit down, exhausted, and summon a beer and a joint.

Spike in on the park bench near me. He grins at me, and asks me for a light. I oblige and he nods.

I teleport to the Biodome. I step out of the mirror. Everything is smoldering. Where is everyone?

I see an unknown energy sig outside. I teleport to him. A little green wizard is doing a Consuming Illusion spell with his arms up and his eyes closed. I run at him, and tackle him. The spell disperses, and the Biodome is totally normal.

He looks at me, terrified. I grunt in his face. He magically slips away, and bolts. I make a wall of moon rocks block his path. He smacks right into it.

"You idiot. That's no illusion. I am a god."

I morph the wall into a giant stone hand which reaches down and grabs him. He squirms.

"Where are the others?"

He shakes his head.

"Apparently you are more afraid of your masters than you are of me."

I make another smaller hand grow up out of one of the fingers. I make tiny spikes appear on the palm. Then, I make scorpion tails grow out of it. I make it reach for his neck.

'NO NO NO'

TELL ME.

'NO!'

I sting him with the stone hand, and wrap it around his neck. He won't speak. I turn off the pain. He relaxes. His third eye opens.

I shoot an astral tentacle into it.

He tells me everything in images.

I let him go, attaching an anklet to him which will repel him away from the Biodome if he ever gets close.

I go into the Biodome. I see my friends under nightmare nets. There is an android controlling the nets. There are a few Templars around, looking bored.

I see there is a tiny creature inside the android.

I teleport into it.

Baphomet rises up from behind a chair, and turns to me.

Smoke pours from his nostrils.

"Don't you see that-"

I blast him with a dark energy wormhole spear from my ring.

His eyes bug out. He coughs blood. I smash his head with a warhammer, then I saw a fourth of it off. I toss it into a black hole. He opens a portal. I open an opposite one. One of his hooves goes into the opposite portal. The rest of him goes into the first one as he sneers at me.

I explode and destroy the android. The Templars dissipate, apparently being DC's. I use my energy gloves to remove the nightmare nets from everyone.

They look groggy confused, and sad.

abridged

Deep Dream State

I am surveying the perimeter of the Biodome. There are hasty scaffoldings, and bio-drones working on the defenses. An android appears and gives me the download.

I nod.

I open a portal to the City of Nowhere. It's already under attack. bastards. There are dark energy creatures crawling all over the city. It's overrun. Wait, they're attacking the Templars. They're attacking everyone.

I find Brian, whoever that is. He's a Templar, but he's different somehow. He has a spark. The other ones don't. Are they DC's? Soulless sentient beings? I have no time to ponder this.

We swim through the air toward each other, covered by the dark energy creatures. It's too much for my symbiote to handle. I grab Brian's hand. I change our energy to red, and we burn off the dark energy creatures.

I see Walms flying around like a giant bat-manta ray. He is eating them up, and laughing about it. He keeps farting and burping.

"Too much dark energy man. You can't handle it."

"Hey, you don't tell me what to do, hombre!" There is a red glint in his eye.

I open a Selene portal to a black hole. I ask Selene to follow him around and drain the excess dark energy from him. She nods and sprouts wings.

I hear a telepathic call from Raven. I see her image blurry in front of me. "Templars attacked the Biodome... Fire... destroyed... how did they? bastards... they've taken us captive, Nomad... nightmares... forever..."

I burst into flames in anger. Templars throw a net over me made of my nightmares. Thanks for getting rid of those dark energy creatures, you idiot.

Brian, you bastard! But, Brian is under the net with me. He is screaming like a madman. He is living my worst nightmares.

The Templars laugh at him.

Soon, you will be infected with your own nightmares. We have been weaving this net for many years. I feel a stinging pain where the night touches me. It feels like a jellyfish sting. I feel like I am going to die. I writhe in pain. The Templars laugh and spit on me. I turn into Jesus.

"You bastards are going to pay."

Some of them look afraid. But, the leader boosts their resolve, saying, "Good shapeshifting work, asshole. Have some nice nightmares." I scream, and fall into myself.

I am a little boy, about three. Alone in space. I have a little Humpty Dumpty Doll. I see images of murder and rape. I feel like my soul is vomiting. I hear a scream like a waterfall dying. I realize it's me.

GODDAMNED THESE BASTARDS. IT'S JUST A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.

I morph into a Devil-Cat. I absorb the dark energy of the nightmare, and channel it into my Black Lantern Ring.

I slam my fist into my hand. I absorb the entire nightmare into the ring. I am walking in Hollow Earth.

I see stairs leading to an arch. I see Templars torturing a red cat version of me on an asteroid. It looks like Q10.

I run through the arch. I shoot shackles around the necks of the Templars. I spin them around, and toss them into a black hole portal. I grab my red cat self, and take him to the Glen of Healing. I bow to the Glen, and teleport back to the City of Nothing. I see myself having a nightmare under the nightmare net. The Templars are making bets and drinking red wine, then I realize it's my blood.

I morph into a minotaur-vampire. I grow fangs. My skin grows pale. My eyes glow a dark red.

"AND NOW I WILL DRINK YOUR BLOOD!"

I teleport around them, savagely eviscerating them, ripping their heads off, slashing their necks, and consuming their blood. I absorb the nightmare net into a tiny leather pouch. I decide to keep it for myself. I make a necklace of nightmare bones, and put it on my neck.

My other self and Brian stands up.

Thanks for the help. Wait, you're me.

Hey don't ponder paradoxes too long.

PEACE

I am in a burial chamber in an Egyptian Pyramid. I am a minotaur.

I sit down, and place my head on my knees, and close my eyes. A storm comes. The sand whips through the pyramid.

The pyramid collapses. It rebuilds itself.

The stones whip around. The pyramid collapses. It rebuilds itself.

I make a rain of black stone cubes fall. Strange tiny spacemen crawl out like ants, and run across the landscape, terraforming it. A green humpback whale breaches out of the land.

Mythical beasts run across it. A an atomic fire destroys everything. The ground is glass.

I turn the planet into an asteroid, and back to how it was originally.

Vegeta is floating before me. I open my eyes and stand up.

Enviro-shaping. Good practice. But, you lost lucidity like a fool how you always do. You need to go back to the basics and work on that. I'll help you. You need it.

You have moved beyond Consuming Illusions to actually alter the energetic dream environment. You will need this in battle. Here they come...!

I am a great minotaur walking in Hell, my Kingdom Hell, where I am Devil and King. "More Lazers" by edIT is playing.

I survey the scene. Death, destruction, fire, torment. I smile. Tortured souls. These fools have no idea they can leave any time. They just feel too damn guilty.

I dance to the beat, and morph my colors. I become pale white with a purplish tint. I have violet lightning bolts down the side of my body. I morph into a lava minotaur. I have an impossibly huge morning star in one hand, and a small round shield in the other. I leap on top of a car wreck.

"WHICH ONE OF YOU TORTURED SOULS WANTS TO BE FREE FROM HELL?"

They all bitch, "Oh, we deserve to be here."

"That's right, you idiots. So, who wants to be tortured to they can get out of here earlier? A few raise their hands. "

Dream Diverge

Dream 1

"Psh. None of you are worth it." I am just going to dance!

I dance to the music. I feel a surge of dark energy come up from the ground. I channel it into my symbiote. He gets too strong. I try to multiply and toss myself out, but my symbiote keeps my copy stuck to me. He's almost completely covering both.

You bastard! Get off!

My symbiote makes a whiny angry sound. I realize he's getting too strong.

I am going to shove you up the ass end of a black hole if you don't GTFFFF.

He crawls into my mouth. THAT'S IT!

I change my body into a swarm of flying fire minotaurs, then yellow jackets. I burn off some of his excess energy, but he keeps acting like a punk. We battle.

He is a big black blob of ooze. He galumphs at me. I morph into a winged fire tiger. I charge at him. He tries to consume me. I become a swarm of fire tigers. He becomes a swarm of blobs. I become like mist. I am too small for him. Thousands of tiny tiny copies. I am too much for him.

He turns into a big hollow ball. I morph into a giant washcloth, and absorb him. Then, I summon a giant sink, and a DC maid. She wrings me out in the sink, and his excess dark energy goes down the drain which is a tiny portal to a black hole.

Then he turns into a blob-dog. I am in a Mega Man Battle Network game. I pat his head, and see I have a bunch of strange cards in my hand.

***

I choose one of them. It's a man who killed me and my family in a past life. His name is Brian.

Oh, you. You actually do deserve to be here. You deserve no forgiveness. You will be in infinite torment if I can help it. I am the Devil, after all.

His eyes bug out of his head in pure fear. I chain him to a wooden post. Sweat pours down his naked body. I draw my morning star back, BAM. I crush his torso. I cough and collapse to the ground. Blood pours out of my mouth.

"You idiot, that's you."

Tears of blood pour from my eyes.

"You did all you can, Nomad. Stop torturing yourself. This is a new lifetime."

http://www.playlist.com/playlist/additem/388761617

you may not read this blog unless you play this song while listening to it.

The Seed playing by The Roots.

I am hiking alone in the mountains in North America. Angel is with me. But, she looks different. She's a redhead. Then she morphs into a horse-woman. I morph into a cat-man. We hear music coming from a valley. We smile, hold hands, and run down the mountain. We dance to the music and we run.

We stumble into a large marijuana farm. We follow the music through giant marijuana plants. The plants are dancing. WTF. Pollen falls from the plants, and we get covered in it. We are the size of insects. We make balls of pollen and throw them at each other. We lick the pollen off each other. We turn into pillbugs and roll to a clearing.

The Roots is playing. They look like little brown trees. The guitarist grins at me, and morphs into a yellow jacket. My eyes bug out. The other band members turn into insect. The lead singer is a beetle. The DJ is a pink and red Praying Mantis. The drummer is a giant shiny green beetle. The bassist is a rhinoceros beetle. The guitarist is a dark grey praying mantis.

Angel and I turn into mantids. She says, "I promise not to eat you."

We laugh, and dance again. We turn into bees, and fly and spin in the air. I have 360 vision. Everything is bright. I feel like I am tripping MUTHAFUKKIN BALLS!

Angel screams, "Holy shit Nate! I AM TRIPPING MY BALLS OFF!"

"SO, THIS IS WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A BEE! WOW!" I scream.

We scream. mad with euphoria. I feel like my soul is crying with joy. My soul is strange ugly little naked feral boy eating wolf feces to survive. My soul becomes a hunter. Wearing a leopard pelt, wielding a mammoth femur. WTF.

I am a bee in the Outback. I flying over the grass. I smack into a screen. I am watching The Rescuers Down Under. WTF.

I try to focus on the dream.

I see black.

I open my eyes. Angel and I are lying on a bed of leaves, on a hill, watching The Roots. She rolls to her side.

"Dude! Close your eyes on this shit! It makes you trip harder, OH MY GOD!"

She lies on her back, closes her eyes, and smiles. The world changes, and she and I are horses. Then, we are jaguars. Our forms keep morphing as the world does. I wonder if it's my perception... I feel nauseous.
I focus on the dream. I open my eyes. I focus on the guitarist to stabilize the dream. He appears clearer and brighter the longer I look at him. He morphs into a claymation tree. WTF. He gets so clear, it feels hyper-real.

HOLY SHIT, ANGEL, I AM TRIPPING MY FACE OFF. WHAT IS THIS.

"It's the loco crazy devil weed man!" she says like Cheech.

I go into myself and focus on nothingness. Even the black feels sharp and bright. I begin to see stars. Inner Space? Where is this?

The atomic universe? There are sentient beings living on atoms? WTF!

Each atom is a universe. I am in the center of an atom. The sentient beings are inside the atoms. I give up trying to black everything out.

I focus on a star. I morph into a minotaur, and fly toward it. Astral Parasites try to stick to me, but I spin them off. They try to come back, and I activate my energy field which I have to burn. I let a few get burned up. I activate my aura shield with my third eye gem. The astral parasites bounce off. I hope to teach them to fear me.

I summon my spaceship. She jumps out of my disk on my chest.

She morphs from a Woman to a Spaceship. Amorphous Brown. She forms around me. We are suddenly on a planet where everything is covered in wood. I begin coughing. She forms a space suit around me she says this is part of a hydrogen molecule, so everything living here is hydrogen based instead of carbon based. I try to walk. I am floating. I spin through FA's. I have hundreds of FA's in a row. I wake up, and try to stand up, as I fall back to sleep and wake up....

I feel nauseous. I focus on the music alone. I open my eyes. I see Angel dancing.

The lyrics are different, they go like this:

Some of us want to drink beer,
some of us want something cold,
you young can have that, we old
we want the flame, the fire,
give us the herb of our desire,
oh her name, her name,
is Mary Mary Jane.

Oh, you make me feel good,
I almost feel bad, but I know
you're so good, the cure for cancer,
the bane of man,
we don't need to be so ill,
we don't need all this chemo and pills,
oh, i know, i know, you keep me warm at night,
i provide the herb, your produce the light
some want a beer, some want a roll,
i, give me rock and roll

frags frags frags

Deep Dream State

I am a minotaur in high snowy mountains. I am bounding down the mountain at full speed. I have a strange green flat c-shape thing on my back. I throw it on the snow, a ride it down the mountain.

I ride it into another dream. I am in the sky. I parachute down to a beach. I step off a small warship. I swim to the beach. I am on the beach. I am the beach. I am everything. grains of sand. focus. BRAAAWR!

There is an army of Templars before me. With a sweep of my arm, my navy's ships burst into flames. There is an army of Templar wraiths behind me. They tell the other Templars they must fix their bad karma. I and the wraiths charge the Templars. Mer-Minotaurs rise out of the sea, and grow legs. Stone Minotaur golems rise out of the sand. Other mythical beasts join me.

I see Raven and Angel flying beside me on winged cats. Angel disdainfully, "You pissed me off today, but I'll still help you."

I run toward the Templars. MoSh is a flying cobra in the sky above me, but he's also a green jaguar in a jungle on another planet, and we are running together, in the other dream... in fact we are the same person in that dream. I focus on the dream that I am in.

A red gem forms and glistens over my third eye. A fire burns in my eyes.

Tigress and Silverwolf, are running beside me. Tigress is half-cat half-wolf, and Silverwolf is a werewolf with a black witch hat on. Tigress winks at me.

Loaf hops on my back. He says I am the coolest steed ever. I then realize I am a giant wolf, now a giant jaguar. Loaf stands on my back like a circus performer.

I see Red. She's a little red fairy flying near my face. She alights on my nose, and claps.

I see Walms in the distance. He's on the other side of the army. He looks like a giant 2D building, but it's actually a huge cartoon flat face with a mouth arched over the sky. I hear him say into my third eye, "Ey, chase them this way, hombre. I want to taste their dark energy. It looks pretty high quality, pure stuff!"

Aquanina appears and says, "I don't believe in fighting. Let's have a fun dream. Maybe go hiking... on another planet I mean! Or, go for a swim in Atlantis!"

"Busy killing Templars right now. A little distracted."

She hmph's and disappears.

I see someone who looks like Vex. She has a bright yellow V on her head like horns, and she is shooting poison lightning at the Templars. She looks like a wasp.

I see so many people, I can't list them all. I get distracted by all the people for a second. I turn forward. We are herding the Templars into Walms' mouth. He makes his mouth into a black hole, then swallows them. He licks his lips, and teleports to us.

He looks a little drunk. Too much dark energy... cerveza..." He collapses. Raven asks if he's alright. He's smiling, but asleep. He coughs. He vomits dark energy and wakes up. The dark energy tries to crawl away. Raven absorbs some of it, and starts singing. I realize she can't absorb it all, so I absorb it into my symbiote. He coughs and farts, then he's okay. Raven morphs into Queen of Night, and her Beast Self.

She has pale skin, and violet lightning bolt markings going down her limbs. Her eyes and lips are bright blue, and her hair is black with purple streaks. She roars, and her face changes to that of a jaguar, then back to a woman when she stops roaring. "I am Jaguar Night Goddess!"

She gets on the back of Shadow, then gallops away, firing purple lightning at nothing in particular. She roars, and lighting comes out of her mouth.
The Templars retreat. We chase them.

I am at a massive rave in San Francisco. I am dancing to some dirty d'n'b, then I find the Glitch room. Everyone is dancing like crazed cyborgs. I see a strange little steel door on the wall. I open it.

I crawl through a small tunnel like an A/C duct, and tumble what feels like a garbage chute.

I am totally confused. I am in muck in a Star Wars space ship. I am in a dungeon in.. Hyrule? WTF? Am I Link?

There are strange little monsters on the floor oozing at me. I feel around on the wall for a hidden stone to push to open a secret door. The ooze comes together and makes a big monster that looks something like The Frost Giant.

I back up against the wall. I scream silently. An arm comes through the wall, and pulls me through. It's Link.

You fool! What are you doing wandering around in these dungeons, with no weapons, no shield, no potions?

Link gives me a dagger and a small wooden shield. We start fighting some low-level baddies.

Is this a video game?

A game? This is real life, you idiot! Now, stab that monster!

I shoot out astral tentacles, and form small blades on the end. I whip my tentacles at the monsters. Link and I start kicking ass and taking names. We move from room to room. I smash skeletons with a hammer, and toss bombs into the mouths of those triceratops bastards. We get to the Boss. It's Gannon.

I turn my arms into blades. ... (con'td)

I am Wolverine. I am tracking the Devil through the North American wilderness in the dead of winter. I find the Devil bending down to drink water from a half frozen stream.

I'VE GOT YOU, YOU BASTARD. I leap upon him, and slice him.

GAH!

The devil turns into peppermint patties, and runs away. WTF.

I chase him. He tosses chocolate flowers behind himself, laughing his head off. He turns the world to chocolate.

Oh, you bastard!

I leap upon him again, but this time I take a huge bite.

GAH!

You taste like a giant frozen peppermint patty. WTF.

Everyone knows Ol' Uncle Sneak tastes like Salt and Pettermint Patties!

dream diverge

Dream 1

The devil turns into an orange chocolate giant koi and swims away. I ride on his back, and take bites of him. I ride him to Perelandra.

Dream 2

The devil turns into chocolate covered salt. I take a bite. I almost puke. I cough and cough.

He turns the world into salt. SHIT.

It starts to rain.

THE FLOOD IS COMING BOY. GOD HATES YOU. NOW YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. PAN WON'T SAVE YOU NOW.

But, you are Pan!

I know. Just kidding. I am on the Biodome. Pan has joined us there. WHAT THE FUCK. He grins and turns into a tree.

I see a whole bunch of dreamers wandering around. I don't know a lot of them. They keep asking me questions. I tell them to ask their dream guides who are hovering right there.

Pan sticks his face out of his tree self.

BOO!

They run away.

I see other dreamers I know. MoSh, Raven, Tigress, Loaf, Walms, moglycdb, Cacophony, Aquanina, and AndresLD. KingYoshi is looking at my Living House, smoking a huge joint.

Pan steps out of the tree. Everyone starts to run, then, they stop and turn, as if in a trance. Pan shoots wooden astral tentacles at them, and touches their third eyes. Their eyes bug out, and they mumble unintentionally.

WHATTHE HELL ARE YOU DOING.

It's just a download. Want one?

Uh... Sure.

I let him download into me.

He shows me the history of Urth parallelling Earth.

I learn is the parallel Earth on the Dream Plane, but what happens there actually has a greater effect on Earth, than Earth has on Urth, due to increased interconnectedness on that plane.

I devise a way to take over the world from Urth. I am Jesus. The devil is asking me to jump off the temple and kill myself. I jump off. I don't die. "Doesn't count!" The Devil/Pan calls down. "You didn't die."

"You asshole! The Son of God is immortal!"

Pan jumps off the Temple. "So am I."

"The Son of God or immortal?"

"Both."

We start laughing, and he punches me in the face. Suddenly my head is watching Search for The Holy Grail. Where am I? In the movie? Watching it? Halfway in between?

ACK! fUCK THAT RABBIT!

I unload a fifty cal machine gun into the rabbit. It turns into a giant rabbit monster, and eats me.

I AM IMMORTAL YOU ASSHOLE. I WILL WEAR YOUR SKIN LIKE A SUIT.

I turn into bacteria, and eat the monster rabbit's flesh from the inside, leaving only skin. I wear the rabbit's bloody skin like a suit. I toss bloody eggs on fire at the wizard.

And that, children is where Easter comes from.

The Easter Bunny is WakingNomad/Jesus in a bloody bunny skin.

abridged

I am riding a great white Arabian horse through European woods. I am a desert nomad, dressed all in white. I am leading a group of nomads. We are running at full speed, being chased by the goddamned Templars.

The dream explodes, and many dreams happen at once.

I summon an earth elemental to stand up behind us, and attack the Templars. It grabs them and tosses them around.

We ride toward a cliff. They toss a net over me and my horse. I shoot my astral tentacles through the net, set them aflame, then spin them around, burning the net off of me. I continue riding. They shoot drugged darts into me.

I fall off my horse. I shoot my tentacles into the ground, and use them to stand up. I collapse while trying to toss square rocks at the Templars.
I have a nightmare of them torturing me in a torture chamber in an underground dungeon. I spit in their faces. They rip my body apart and toss me into different dreams. I just laugh.

I make my core very very tiny. I morph into a bacteria-virus and attack their dream cells. They writhe in pain as their blood vessels swell, then burst within their bodies.

I laugh, and collect my body parts, then exit the dream. I go to the Biodome on the Moon, and smoke a joint to relax. I carve in stone a record of my adventure. Then, I bring it to a room under my Living House the Great Banyan Tree under The Tower, and stick it in a wall.

I then see walls full of Nomad Chronicles in bas-relief. How do I not remember this. GAH! I have a Templar nanomachine in me. I shoot nanobots out of my pineal gland to attack. They eat it up, and spit it out of my mouth.
***

We ride to the edge of the cliff, and our horses sprout wings. Didn't I have this dream before?

Raven, Tigress, MoSh, Loaf, Walms, and mowglycdb come to aid me in battle. We kick ass, and have a party on the Moon to celebrate our victory.