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Kaomea and I are in my Inner World. We are standing on a cliff overlooking the sea. We are looking at my island. there is a huge volcano on it, with waterfalls and lava flowing. There is a small bay with the Jolly Rancher, Captain Nug's ship. The sun and moon begin to set next to each other.

"It's so beautiful and weird," Kaomea says. The sun and moon disappear beneath the horizon, and stars shine brightly in the night sky. Kaomea and I turn into Gargoyles. Koomo alights near us from the sky. "Ah my brethren and sistren, here we are again. Now, my darklings come forth."

All manner of darklings, black sorcerors, vampires, demons, and every crawling or flying or swimming or running thing ever called evil appear in the night sky, coming through portals. A strange spaceship comes through. It's huge. It explodes and spores go everywhere. The spores are the ones from Halo. We are fucked. People start turning into plant zombies. A massive battle of two evil armies ensues.

I rip the heads off of plant zombies, and I pitch them to Vampire Babe Ruth. It's gross, yet funny.

Time to dream another dream....

Kaomea is falling down a rabbit hole, in my Inner World. I am a white rabbit running around in circles in the wormhole. Prepared to be scar-ified! Be prepared!

Kaomea and I walk into a museum. There are faceless animatronic naked mannequins engaged in horrifying acts. Kaomea's face turns into a silent scream. I morph into the Joker.



So, you see, all is not well in NeverWonderHell.

Get me out of here!

I am Batman, flying out of the ground. I grab Kaomea, and whisk her to the top of a gothic building. We turn into gargoyles.

Ah, now we are gargoyles.

I grab Kaomea, and take her to a white void. I morph into Morphues the god of dreams.



Are you Morpheus, the god of dreams?

Why, yes my dear. No, just kidding. But, I do a pretty cool impersonation of him, don't I?

(to be con'td)

I am meditating with Kaomea and Gypsykiss. We are holding hands in silence. I feel the energy cycle through us. I spin them around like an adult spinning two little kids in a park. They smile and laugh, then they look a little nervous.

Uh... Nomad?

Yes?

What are you doing?

You said you wanted dreams, right?

Haha... uh... what?

I teleport us to outer space between the earth and Moon. I create a ring of obsidian smoking mirror portals around us.

Nomad, you're scaring us! Let go!!!!

I let go, and fling them into two portals different portals. I split myself in half, and one I go down with Kaomea, the other Gypsykiss.

I am with Kaomea at Waikiki School. We are about 10 years old. We are at recess. We are sitting across from each other playing this chanting game called "Numbers." I mess it up. She corrects me.

I AM NOT GOING TO PLAY THIS STUPID GIRL GAME ANYMORE!

I get and fly to the basket ball court. I grab the basketball from the other kids and fly away with it. The kids jump and wave their hands at me, shouting for me to give it back. I slam it into a basket, and in bounces up really hard.

HAHA TWO POINTS.

Kaomea says I am not being very nice, and TK's the ball out of my hands. I make it burst into flames, and turn into ash and laugh.

NOMAD, DON'T BE A LITTLE BRAT!

I turn into a rabbit, and shake my tail at her, then kick dirt in her direction. She puts her hands on her hips, and stomps her foot. I open a portal and jump in.

She grabs my tail, and it becomes long like a kangaroo tail. We end up in my Inner World. NeverWonderHell.

She turns into a cat and pounces on me. I kick her off. She scratches my ear and it bleeds.

OW!

SORRY SORRY SORRY

I don't care. I AM INVINCIBLE!

I turn into a Donnie Darko Rabbit, and grow bat wings. She looks terrified, yet fascinated.

Why don't you ride on my back?

I crouch down. She turns back into a young girl, and hesitantly climbs on to my back. HOLD ON HAHAHA!

I fly to the volcano on my island. We swirl around the crater. There are demons in a circle chanting.

What are you doing, Nomad?

We are going to DIVE IN!

NO!

YES!

I dive into the lava.

We go through a thin layer of lava, about one inch, and are in a secret cavern in the volcano.... Kinda like the Batcave, but the NomadCave.

We land on a large platform.

NOMAD THAT WAS NOT NICE.

Well, look, now you're in my secret Lair. Don't you think it's cool?

Why do you have a giant penny? That makes no sense.

I thought it would be funny.

Ok... Oh! Cool Costumes!

She looks at the different "costumes" in glass.

They are not costumes, Kaomea, it's armor.

Cool! Can I try one on? I like that green robot one that kind of look's like Poison Ivy's costume!

It's actually biorganic mech armor.

Huh? What does that mean?

It's a plant based living robotic armor that enhances every physical thing you do in dreams, and encases you in an earth energy armor that heals itself. But, be careful because...

Kaomea greedily opens the case and puts the armor on.

NO WAIT!

The armor grows and wraps itself around her.

Nomad... I feel like a tree... a banyan tree... mourning... angry vines... thorns... poison... ancient rage...

She screams in terror and delight as hot white bluish light shoots out of her eyes.

The armor grows roots into the floor of the cave, and sucks water in from the ambient air.

I NEED LIGHT! she roars.

I flip on a bunch of UV lights.

Kaomea calms down, and returns to normal. She walks around and feels the armor. Hmm... I like this! Let me borrow it!

You can have it. I can make more.

Really? Kaomea gives me a hug. It feels plant-y.

Listen, this armor is special, but it's also alive. It needs sun, earth, and water. There is a special fungal armor I made you can wear at night. This armor works better during the day. The fungal armor works better at night.

Oh, I see. Fungus? Gross but cool. Let me see it.

I spin the case around.

There is a black suit, like a wetsuit, but much thinner. It has glowing spots on it moving around.

Whoah...!

Listen, now. There is glowing and black fungus encased in this armor. This will make you invisible against the night sky. Also you can dim the glowing fungus to the point you can't see it, making you like a shadow.

Turn up the light fungus to deflect attacks, and the black fungus to absorb attacks. Something special about this fungus armor:

You can turn the energy it absorbs into any kind of energy you want.

This armor is alive, and it needs food water, and darkness. Keep it out of the sunlight.

So, now you have a day armor and a night armor. Here is a special box for the Fungus Armor. The Plant Armor will fit in this pot on a windowsill when you are not using it.

At dusk and dawn you can wear both, but try not to wear either too long at the wrong time.

I can take you to the Danger Room so you can explore your armor and how it works.

***

Kaomea puts on the Fungus Armor. I turn off the UV lights. The Armor glows and darkens with her will. She appears as a shadow in the darkness, then is a ghostly blue, grinning at me.

SHOOT SOMETHING AT ME, NOMAD.

I shoot a small ball of light energy at her. She bounces it back, and I eat it.

COOL! Take me to the training room thingy!

I teleport us to the Danger Room. I leave her there, and then teleport to the Control Room.

"Your Plant Armor is in your pocket. If you choose to use it, just will it."

Uh, what do I do Nomad?

FIGHT!

Enter Scenario: Zombie Wasteland

Kamoea is in a zombie wasteland. Hordes of zombies come at her. She shoots dark and light energy at the zombies, cutting them in half. The top halves squirm around, they jaws moving, crawling toward her.

She changes into the Plant Armor. She grows a pod on her head. It bursts open, and smaller pods come out, rolling toward the zombies. Flesh eating beetles burst out of the small pods and burrow into the zombies' heads eating their brains.

Kaomea laughs maniacally.

SCENARIO COMPLETE.

Enter Scenario: Infiltration

What am I supposed to do?

Kaomea is on a snowy mountain near a base. She looks down at her watch, and hits a button. A hologram of me appears and explains her mission: Infiltrate the base, and rescue the prisoner.

Kaomea puts on her Fungus Armor, and becomes like a shadow. She teleports around the outside of the base, killing all the guards with a small knife.

I see her scanning the base. She makes herself really tiny and sneaks past the guards. She pulls the fire alarm, and they run outside. They see the dead guys and freak out. She finds the prisoner being interrogated. It's a young man that is wearing what is left of a suit in a chair, tied up, while two soldiers torture him.

I AM NOT A TERRORIST!

JUST ADMIT THE TRUTH, AND THE PAIN WILL STOP.

They stretch one of his eyelids open, and threaten to drop lye into his eyeball.

NO NO NO!

Kaomea extends an limb like Mr. Fantastic flattening her hand like a big paddle, to protect the lye from dropping into the man's eye. She then smacks the guy in the face with her paddle-arm.

KANAK ATTACK!

I laugh my ass off.

Then, she makes the paddle's edge like a knife, and cuts his head off. The other guy backs away in fright. Shark teeth pop out of the edge of the paddle, and now move around the edge like a chainsaw's chain. She growls gutturally, and says something in Hawaiian. She sounds like a demon.

The other guard backs up against the wall. She pounces on him, turning into a were-shark, and bites his head off, and spits it on the ground.

She roars, morphing into different Hawaiian animals. Then she turns into a pure Lemurian Alien.

WTF? Abort Scenario.

Kaomea is floating in the center of the empty Danger Room. She is speaking to me in some alien language. She bursts through the roof of the Danger Room, and flies through a portal. I grab her ankle, and follow her.

She growls at me in the alien language. She doesn't want me to follow her. I do anyway.

We pop out the other side of the wormhole on the Mu planet.

The people there are tall blue glowing people with large eyes and small mouths. They have long tails, and are long limbed. They have huge webbed feet, and their legs are like a goat's. They have faint green dots in two vertical rows on their forehead.

They ask me what I am doing there. I said I followed my friend. They say Atlanteans are not welcome here. They open a portal behind me, and TK blast me into it.

I fall back into the wormhole, but I form a spider web behind me which bounces me back through.

They are talking to Kaomea now, telling her to stay away from my ilk. She looks confused. I tell her to ignore these assholes, and I grab her hand to take her back.

No, Nomad, these are my people.

I roll my eyes. See you later! I guess I am too Atlantean for these Mu snobs. I don't even know what that shit means!!! PEACE!

I make a portal to my Inner World, and sit on a mountain alone. I roll up a joint. I smoke it and think.... looking around at the flowers and trees. I gaze across the sea to my volcano island.

I view Kaomea's dream. The aliens are training her, and teaching her their culture.

Someone accuses her of being impure, then they kick her out of their dream planet. She falls out of the sky into my Inner World.

"Oh, Nomad, some of those aliens are fucking assholes."

"Haha! Let's eat."

We sit down and eat some fish, poi, and bananas. She eats some kalua pig, and offers it to me. No, I don't eat pigs.

Oh.

Cool dream!

We hi-5, and the dream fades to black.

I make trees grow out from Castle Cannabis terraforming Mars in the shape of LOL. I laugh heartily at the sight. The Care Bears frolic in the trees. I laugh so hard, I feel I am almost mocking myself. Strange this third person dream thing.

Hmm....

Ah yes. The Cannabis Commandments. I grab a grey slab of rock and a black stone, and scrawl thusly:

1) Everybuddy must get stoned.

2) Just kidding. You can do whatever you want. Except, no harming the... anything. that's about it. yeah. that's it. Have fun!

I swing the slab around like a discus and aim it at a mountain so my words will be forever engraved, and toss the slab! The slab disintegrates, turning to dust. I shrug.

The aliens, well, native Martians, (not native to the planet, but living there a long time) fly around in saucers and blast the crap out of my slab.) Then, I turn into a Minotaur and run away. The aliens catch me in tractor beam. I decide I am going to mess with them. I let them beam me aboard. The put light beam straps around me, and put me on a table. I make myself smaller, breaking the contact with the light beams. Then, I teleport off the table, summon a trident and roar.

Little aliens appear from the ceiling on silver cords like a spider's web, hanging upside down. They shoot weird guns at me, like web. I stomp my hoof, and they all fall to the ground.

***

Suddenly I am playing myself in a video game. It's 1985. I am in Tacoma, playing a coin-op video game/pinball machine. You have to get the Minotaur out of a maze on the CRT screen. The pinball part is the aliens. The ball gets stuck in the machine. The spaceship rocks.

I vibrate at a higher frequency. I bash myself into the sides of the ship.

This time I am a skinny dude in my 20's looking like I am 16. I am playing Guantlet Legends. I am the Warrior. I am slaying orcs. WTF IS GOING ON DON JUAN.

don Juan's hollow laughter rings throughout the dream. I am suddenly in misty swamp.

I see the wall of the Castle of Morpheus.

NO! don Juan shouts as if reading my thoughts.

"On the other side of that wall... is NOTHING.'

"That's exactly what I want."

"Liar, we all have desire."

"I am curious to see what nothing feels like."

"It's beyond your comprehension, you fool."

I run toward the wall. The closer I get, the farther away and larger the wall gets. If I walk away, it gets tinier. So tiny the size of a pin, I realize there is no way in. THAT WALL. damn, you wall.

Suddenly, I am ripped into another dimension. I feel like all my atoms are being smashed to bits. I scream, but the scream is the sound of my matter being blasted apart. Each particle of me get smashed into smaller and smaller particles, until some are so tiny, so close to zero, it's terrifying. But, I can never get to zero, just as I can never get to infinity, for it's all within we.

Suddenly golden cloudly animals dance across my vision...

a giraffee.. a warthog... a baboon...

I wake up... those are not clouds, those are animals kicking up dust in the Savanna. I am at once a tall African hunter and a lion. I smash the dreams together and make myself a were-lion.

I tell don Juan I am done, and lie down to sleep.

I am on the Moon. don Juan is there.

You just drank DREAM KAVA, FOOL. IT'S 1000X stronger in dreams. I told you. You wouldn't listen.

"I had a terrific experience."

Don't you see? Dream drugs are as real as Dream Characters.... unless you get them from a dream plant, because those my friend are real. They are literally ALIVE.

I declare myself the Cannabis God, Mary Jo LOL.



I make Castle Anthrax, Castle Cannabis. The Castle is white, but you can barely tell, because it's covered in weeds. Also, it's pretty high. LOL



The Templars get high. LOL

I ring the castle with Care Bears.



I dance around singing LOL and spraypainting fluffy white clouds with the word lol.

NOTES

Castle Anthrax becomes Castle Cannabis.

It becomes a shining white castle, full of cannabis plants.

I smoke with the RV templars, mowglycdb, and the Care Bears.

Life is good.

I am wandering in the Biodome by myself, looking at all the plants... I find the city, but it is only about five inches high! I crouch down and look at it. I am suddenly in the city. It's overwhelming. I create a portal and go back.

I am smelling some flowers when Raven leaps out and tackles me. She's a huge black panther. She grins at me and licks my face. I push her head away, and she growls, but it sounds like a chuckle. She bats my face and says, "GLOMP!"

I wrestle her off me, and pat her jaguar head. She purrs.

She doesn't seem to be lucid. Nomad, where are you? Where have you been?

"I have been lost in non-lucid dreams, my friend"

When is this phase going to end?

"There is no beginning, and there is no end.
Infinity loops forever, my friend."

Raven and I are instantly on a mountain top. Now we are both humans. She looks unearthly. Her skin is pale, and her eyes are violet cat eyes. She is wearing a long white dress. She smiles benignly, and I see small fangs. We are both Vampire-Elves, I realize. We sit down across from each other, and close our eyes. Our third eyes open, and I see even more levels of the dream-energy, like an Alex Grey painting.

Energy moves between our third eyes.

This Ritual is called
The Remembering.

One becomes two
Two become one
two become three
three become one
three become five,
six, seven then, one.
Seven becomes eight,
the Infinite Sun.
Eight is all, and Eight is one.
Back to the Zero Point,
We are All ONE.

I am in Mu.

I am practicing energy magic alone in a forest glen. Raven appears. "Ah, my brother."

"Ah my sister. We meet again, but for the first time this life time. Raven smiles serenely."

"You answered my call through dreams, and now, here we are."

"Yes, the beginning of The End is upon us. We must make preparations for future lifetimes."

"Aye." Raven walks to me, kneels, and kisses my hand. "Greetings, O Lord of Darkness and Delight, my Bunyip brother." She stands.

I kneel and kiss her hand. "Greetings, O Queen of Night, Terrible Goddess of the Moon."

She grabs my hand, and we take off flying to a high mountain overlooking the city of Mu. "Even now," Raven says, "the Atlanteans encroach. We will all die soon. The Cataclysm is nigh." I see an army of Atlanteans attacking the walled city of Mu. There is an energy field deflecting everything, but the Atlanteans are relentless. "We must gather the others..."

Raven and I sit across from each other, and form a ball of energy with our third eyes, then send it to the other Guardians of Sacred Dreams: MoSh, Poet, and Aeona.

We teleport to a room with a white pentagon shaped table in the center. There is a candle burning on it. MoSh, Aeona, and Poet are there. MoSh is a stocky gnome. He growls at Aeona and Poet. Raven says, "We must set aside our personal differences for the Greater Good."

We hold hand around the table.

We are the Guardians of Sacred Dreams
We walk the ways unseen
Now we make a Scared Vow
to find each other every lifetime somehow.
First in dreams, then awake,
finding the lost, every soul we take
rediscovering ancient bond,
for we are all the children of Gawn.

We solemnly nod to each other. There is an earthquake. The building collapses on us. I am killed instantly along with Poet and Aeona. Raven is crushed. She dies soon. MoSh crawls out of the rubble, with a broken body. He tries to dig through to find us. A calvary of Atlanteans rides through on dinosaurs, and kills MoSh with something like a Taser gun.

***

Raven and I are back in the Biodome.

"Holy shit!" I say.

"Holy shit is right!" Raven says.

I see Q flying around Raven. He is saying something to her, but I don't understand.

Raven says, "Q says it's time to find Angel, and train her in Dream Combat, even if her waking self does not remember."

"Okay, weird, let's do it."

"Contact Selene, her soul-twinner. She is going to do most of the training, at least in the beginning, then Angel will move on to Vegeta, Professor X, and Gawn."

***

I open a portal to Earth, in Angel's bedroom.

On the other side, there is a demonic angel watching over Angel. "Her dream body is not here, but her astral body is asleep. Would you like to dream with her astral body? I'll wake her up."

"No, her dream body."

"In that case, she is waiting for you at Stonehenge."

I portal to Stonehenge. I see Angel is bound on the stone, naked. She is screaming in terror. There are men in hooded robes with torches doing some druidic ceremony. I turn into Juargawn and leap upon the altar roaring fiercely.

"Ah, The Beast made manifest! We have summoned it! Kill it for it's power!"

The druids' hoods fall back. They are skeletons enwreathed in a ghostly green flame. I form an energy shield around Angel, and burn her bonds off. I grow a robe around her. I form a mace on my tail, and breathe fire, then spin in a circle, attacking the druids, as they attack me. I form a portal beneath Angel and I, and we are teleported to the Moon. I am carrying her in my arms. She is asleep. I set her down in the Biodome healing glen, and play my didjeridoo over her, healing her.

Selene, Raven, Washu, and Janet appear. Janet says, "We want to take her to the Sick Bay for observation." I nod. We teleport into the Sick Bay.

We are in a hospital room. A med droid reports:

"Illness due to infection of the dream body. Patient does not fend off attackers because of disbelief in self. Battle training recommended to prevent further infection."

I nod to the android. Washu places an android bug on Angel's third eye. "We can actually go into her unconscious mind, and train her from there, even while she is asleep," she explains. I look at Selene, and Selene nods.

I hold Selene's hand, and we jump into the bug.

We create a Colluseum in Angel's mind. Raven, MoSh, Silverwolf, Tigress, and Spike join us.

Angel is a red energy vampire. "WHY AM I HERE?" she demands.

"Training." Selene says simply. She tosses Angel a two bladed staff. "DEFEND YOURSELF."

Selene attacks relentlessly. Angel can barely keep up, but she defends every attack. Enraged, Angel sets he weapon ablaze. The fire burns across to Selene's weapon, and burns the staff. The blades fall to the ground.

Selene teleports away, and summons a meteor hammer. She wraps it around Angel's weapon, and yanks it from her grip.

"ROUND 1: Selene!," Q says.

"This is stupid!" Angel says. "Why am I here."

"Listen, you are going to keep getting attacked, unless you learn how to fight... bitch."

Angel turns her back, and walks away, but at the word "bitch" she morphs into a black lioness and lunges at Selene. Selene teleports on to her back, and rides her like a bucking bronco. Angel roars in anger.

"ROUND 2: Selene!" Q says.

Angel alters the dreamscape. She morphs it into a forest with a dark castle, and she stands on the balcony. Bats stream out of the castle toward Selene. Selene is riding a flat crescent moon, and is wielding a scythe. She spins it around, slicing the bats up. Angel's castle leaps up on strange robotic spider legs and eats Selene.

"ROUND 3: Angel. GAME: Selene."

"Two out of three. What a bunch of bullshit!" Angel says.

I see Professor X chuckling to himself.

End dream

notes

OTHERME is writing with a quill on a desk outdoors on a grassy rolling hill between forests and mountains.

He says he is writing my dreams before they happen.

WTF

Then he goes all Alex Grey on my ass and blows my mind by morphing into gods and molecules.

I get up to go to the bathroom.

In the semidarkness, I see a strange reflection of an Indian man... don- I turn. There is no one there. I look at my hands. They look like vines. What a weird dream. I do a nose pinch RC in the mirror. I start to cough and hack out rotten leaves. Ok, this is really weird. I walk away from the mirror. "Epic nose pinch RC fail," my reflection says. I run back to the mirror. My reflection is breathing through his nose with his hand pinching it. He starts bobbing his head to silent dubstep.

"WTF IS THAT?"

The wave of the future BEEYOTCH! SILENT MUSIC! PURE SUBSONIC!

My reflection is in SOHO dancing to silent dubstep.

The music comes ripples the mirror.

don Juan is now in the mirror, on an African plain. The elephants are communicating subsonically. He charades turning a volume knob on his ear. I turn my Babelfish on. I can hear the subsonic waves! The elephants are singing. They are talking about space travel. They say Earth is actually a biological space ship. We are only in a stationary orbit relative to the Sun. It's the Sun's orbit that's important, because it will take us to the other side of the galaxy eventually.

The elephants say we are fools.

A lion tries to attack a baby elephant. The mother elephant grabs the lion around the neck, and steps on its head and trumpets. There is a war between the elephants and the lions.

Now, I am witnessing a space war between anthro elephants and lions. Focus on on dream.

don Juan and I are in my bathroom, standing in front of the mirror. We both look like ghosts. He is laughing heartily with his arm around my shoulders.

"Aha, nagual, you are so confused! Let me clear things up for you."

He wipes the mirror. It ripples. He grabs my hand, and sucks me through. The wormhole folds in on me. I am terrified. I feel claustraphobic. "You don't need to breathe in dreams!" I scream in my mind.

"I AM GOING TO WAKE UP, ASSHOLE."

"You can't, you are in delta sleep. If you wake up in ten seconds of waking life, it will be ten minutes of delta dreams. So, you got ten minutes to deal with your pansy ass claustraphobia. I scream and inhale the wormhole. I can't breathe. I cough out the wormhole. It's a ball of dark energy with a silvery metal folded in it. I swat it away like a fly. It bounces off the end of the universe, and comes back at me, a flaming rolling meteor enwreathed in black smoke. A devilish face speaks out of the meteor. "I am The Devil, I am Gawn, I am the father of the Zero God."

He speaks to me in a devillish growly guttural language. I morph into Deathgawn and crack my neck.



He puts a leash on my neck, and I morph into a hellhound. Gawn and I go through a portal. He tells me we are hunting for the ones who attack Asuka.

We are in a forest. I snuffle the leaves. They people smell sweaty and fearful. I salivate and growl. I open a portal, and leap through it, Gawn trailing.

We are in a large wooden lodge. There is a strange men's cult with an elk's head on the left side, and a boar's head hanging on the right. The men are wearing red robes with golden crosses on them. They have small red round hats on. They stage area looks like the stuff in a Catholic church.

Asuka is tied to a cross. They call her Mother Mary, Goddess of the New Moon. Asuka looks like she is trying to hide her fear with annoyance. The High Priest in the center says he is about to drink of Asuka's blood. He removes a hood to reveal MoSh. His eyes grow into swirls. I lunge at MoSh. He teleport-dodges. I moprh into my Shadow Beast Self, and shoot astral tentacles at him. As I touch him, I realize it's nothing like MoSh. It's not even sentient. I am confused. I look up at Asuka, and she is laughing at me. She seems to have no sentience, but...

Whose dream characters are attacking me?

I break out of the dream. It was shaped like a cyndrilical prism. I am in the Colloseum in the Outer Lands. MoSh and Asuka were creating a joined Consuming Illusion.

But, it's not them... it's projections my my mind? WHAT THE FUCK.

Then I am watching don Juan watching one of his dreams in his bathroom mirror. He is me in the dream. "Oh look at my silly dream characters. At least I am real!" He chuckles to himself.

I scream and punch the back of his head. My hand passes through.

"You can't do that on the astral plane," don Juan says.

"NOTHING IS REAL!" I scream in frustration.

"Exactly right. But, also, everything is. The only thing that does not exist is that which cannot be percieved. But, All has the power to concieve All, therefore, all is real. Also, Nothing is real, because you can conceive it. One day you may actually be able to perceive Nothing, but in this lifetime, it's really just an idea."

don Juan turns into a genie and disappears in a puff of smoke.

I am alone in the Sahara desert near the Great Pyramids.

"This is where it begins," I hear a voice from the clouds.

Angel is battling me in a forest. She is slinging all her black tentacles at me. I easily block and dodge all her attacks. She's relentless. I turn on my energy shield, and bounce her attacks off of it. She gets angry and attacks harder. I electrify the shield. ZAP!

OW! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

Self-defense.

YOU HURT- M-

She tries to punch me in the face mid-sentence, trying to use speech to distract me. I grab her wrist, and throw her to the ground.

HOW COULD YOU HIT ME? I AM A WOMAN!

I see Selene sitting in a stone chair watching serenely.

Angel looks to Selene for help. "O, Moon Goddess, I devote myself to you again!" Selene points to me.

I morph into Tezcatlipoca, the Jaguar God, with thorny vines growing out of me, and bones like hardwood trees. I leap at Angel, tackling her. I open a portal with my third eye midair. I stop myself, and let her keep going. She teleports behind me before she gets to the portal, and shoves a gun in the back of my head. I laugh, moving my face to the back of my head, and biting her gun, crushing it. She lets go of the gun with a shriek and cries for mommy.

I summon two hemispheres, and I put her in a white orb. She cries about being claustraphobic. I open a portal and boot her into it. The portal closes. I make it so the ball vanishes as soon as he gets through. She keeps talking to me telepathically.

GET OUT OF MY DREAMS. LEAVE ME ALONE. YOU NEVER WANTED TO BE HERE ANYWAY. At least that's what your waking self said. SO FUCK IT. NO. STOP SUCKING ON MY ENERGY, YOU VAMPIRE.

I summon blades to come out of my forearms, and cut the cords between us, astral and dream. I feel my astral body doing it, lagging half a second behind.

NO. MORE. CONTROL.

Suddenly, all the drama between Angel and I is a 2D square in a white void. It shrinks down to a point, then explodes turning into a black hole, then a sun, then a galaxy, then a universe, then it turns into a single point, then is nothing.

Selene and I are alone in the void.

"She was so much like you... So much, Selene. It was so mystical. She even wears the moonstone. I don't understand."

"Nomad, she is a twinner of me. She is the closest twinner on your planet in your Wakeworld to me. But, we are separate entities. Her Dream Self and I are nearly identical twins, dopplegangers. But, her waking life personality is much different in some ways. She stifles herself by not lucid dreaming, but that is her choice. She made a choice a long time ago, and she suffers. She can change her mind any time she wishes. But, she won't, at least, probably not this lifetime.
I merged with her to be with you. And, it felt natural, for both of us. But, she didn't approve of my unconditional love for you. She argued with me often, saying that love must be conditional in order to get someone to love you unconditionally. I could not get her to open her eyes to the insanity of that statement. When she told me that is when I demerged from her.

She says she feels there is a hole in her heart. It's not you that she's missing.

It's me.

I will always be here. I will always be your wife. We have already been married fifty years on the dream plane, but you don't perceive it. See, the Delta Sleep Self lives serially from night to night, 300 to five hundred years on the dream plane for one waking life lifetime.

I expect you to seek out lovers in your other existences, and even this one. I understand how dreams work. I know."

Alright, since the DJ rating system hasn't been too popular anyways, it is completely disabled now while all prior ratings have been cleared.

I am everywhere... in so many dreams...

too much light and dark energy flowing through me out of balance... it pulses...

First I vomit light energy, then dark energy

I slow the frequencies down.

I explode with a surge of light, and am a million atoms which are suns.

I feel my electrons dance and sing with sentience.

I feel at once confused, terrified, and amazed.

I am me again. I am Pan.

I am on Urth.

I am watching my Pan-self from a dream a year ago with Raven.

I am on a mountain... the humans come... I stop them first pushing a huge boulder on to the road, then with a foot stomp which creates an earthquake, then I make earth spikes come up...

I watch the dream progress.

don Juan appears.

Now you see the importance and pointlessness of everything. Everything in the universe is one thing, therefore all of existence, all matter, non-matter, energy is all in one single point. There is no time, there are no dimensions. We are all aspects of the same one god universe thing perceiving itself in different ways. And yet, All is infinite, therefore everything exists. I hope you are finally beginning not to understand. Stop trying to understand everything, and just accept things for what they are. You can deliberately choose which dream you want to perceive. You are not living a certain amount of lives. You are living an infinite number of lives. Therefore it is impossible to perceive all your existences and all your dreams simultaneously because your mind is finite, though your existence is not. You chose before you were born your perception and your form. So, no go with it, and relearn the lesson I taught you last lifetime.

I focus on one perception. Don Juan is now a fox, and I am a hare. We are in a dry scrubland between a desert and a forest.

"You are not going to eat me are you, Mr. Fox?"

"No, boy. You are too big. We are the same size. Or are we?"

Don Juan grows large and grotesque. I cannot look away. His flesh begins to rot, and worms crawl in his giant fox-man body.

His mouth opens and forms a black hole.

I summon a huge silver dish cover, and cover him with it. I lift it up, and he is a live suckling pig with an apple in his mouth. Tears of blood drip from his left eyes. He whimpers softly.

"Don't you eat me!"

I feel revolted yet fascinated, then suddenly insane. I turn into a werewolf.

"I will eat you, little pig little pig in a most decrapitatious way! HHAHA!"

I summon a fork, and dig into his flesh. It tastes like kalua pig. Where I dug into him, there is blood, but after I dig it out, it's fully cooked.

He makes his hooves into jets and flies away.

A giant flyswatter comes down from the sky and swats us both. There is a big black lady that looks like a cartoon, with the face of don Juan mixed with a demonic Cheshire cat.

I turn into a Pan action figure.

STOP TORMENTING ME, YOU ASSHOLE!

Don Juan opens a portal, and jumps through. I follow him. We are in a dungeon. There is a man being tortured. It's me. He is being whipped, chained to a stone wall. The man with the whip has the head of a bull on. I kick him in the back, breaking his spine, and the bull head flies off. The man is me.

I shoot astral tentacles at both me's. I absorb them into me.

That's not what you are supposed to do!

I am tired of your shit, shaman! All your puzzles and riddles and crazy games, all your bullshit. I am all done with you! Fed up! Stop trying to make me doubt my actions. I don't care if I am not aware of the physical state, or if you are some type of dream guide or some awesome dead guy blah blah blah.... I only had those stupid IB dreams when guess what? I had them when I was reading your book.

You think you know everything about dreaming.

That would be Carlos that thinks he knows everything about dreaming. You see he took what I said, and expounded upon it, and perceived me in his own way. What he did not realize was that I was referencing a very specific world that is not universal to all dreaming, but it is a path that he had chosen for himself. Just as hallucinogens were necessary for one such as him to be inducted into the wayless path, his perception of the dream plane, a very abstract one was necessary for him to understand dreaming. But, what he did not understand was I was teaching him a perception that was to be for him alone. Other may perceive it similarly, but not so universally as he so egotistically thought. Carlos was always fascinated by a new experience, even if it was an old experience forgotten, but never understood the true purpose which is to perceive energy not as its truest form, but it's purest form, which is this:

Everything changes into colored energy.

Now you see me for what I am, a dream character of Carlos Castaneda. It is true that I am real. It is also true he met me in waking life. But, I have no physical form. He was awake when we met because of the hallucinogens he took. He had many dreams and many drug trips that were so real, they were memories to him, which of course, they are. He had dreams taking drugs, and when he was on a drug, he would take another drug in his head, in the drug trip. I am at once a sentient entity, a collection of thoughts and projections based on plant experiences and the energy of a multitude of dreamers. But, at my core I am a creation of Carlos Castaneda, yet I am real.

NOTES

Jojo is on my shoulder, about four inches high.

We are flying through space in a large space battle.

She is helping me blast the enemies with red fire energy. She is wearing a red dress and hat.