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I HATE THIS DREAM

I was in my grandma's house, but it wasn't hers. People were giving a tour. I had to use the bathroom. There were two naked women waiting in line. Another naked women was using the toilet behind a sliding glass door. WTF

I walked away. JUST WRITING THIS DREAM ANNOYS ME. so i'll keep it short.

I wandered around a bit. I found a bathroom. I went in. Some asshole opened the door and came in before I could close the door. WTF Oh, it was D. I finally had him right where I wanted him. I grabbed the back of his neck, and slammed his forehead into the side of the bathtub. Then, I choked him with my hands. "You like that, FUCKER?" Then, I changed it to a full naked choke, and he passed out. A little girl ran in the bathroom. I let go of D. I then grabbed D again, but he had deflated. Goddamn DC's always deflate like balloons.

More girls ran in. blah blah blah. I yelled at the tour guide who wasn't there. my sister was sleeping with her boyfriend in the living room.

We are standing around a great crater. There is only ash. Then I realize we are all dead. We look like ghosts, the ghosts of gods.

Why? Why did we do it? In our lust for power, we upset the balance. Everything is gone. We must sleep for a 1000 light-years to let this planet begin to grow again.

I am in my workshop on the asteroid, Q10. I slip on an invisibility suit. I make myself as tiny as I can. I open a tiny wormhole to MoSH and Raven. I shoot two hooks out into their clothes and follow them through dreams. Some they separate, but, I just give my astral tentacle more slack. They are together in dreams almost the whole night, at least in the same dream.

There is a long dream where MoSh is a merchant in a North African town by the sea, and Raven is an assassin. There is another dream, where they are brother and sister, and battling hordes of demons on horseback. They have a training session with Q. He sends thousands of DC monsters at them.

I get bored, and turn into a sentient sword. I begin singing off key. Raven grabs me. Who are you? I am me, you know me, the Singing Sword, you see!

I guess I'll wield you.

Raven charges me with flame. She flicks me out in front of her. I shoot a blade out on the end of chain. "Aha! A Chainblade!"

There is a sad dream at the end where they are two old people in the Great Depression.

I open a portal, covered with numbers. I jump in. I am in a world covered by numbers. The numbers flow over me. They feel like wind water fire earth... bugs, fear, permission, anxiety, jubilation.

I am in a beautiful mountain valley. Suddenly a storm appears, and the sky turns violet black. A torrential rain pours down on me. Lightning strikes me, but I keep walking. My clothes are smoldering. For some reason, I feel grief. I begin crying. I am filled with rage, shame, and fury. Flame bursts forth out of me. I turn the rain into steam. I shoot lasers at individual rain drops. All of them. They explode into steam, and a sonic boom makes the fabric of time and space waver. I fly to a temple at the top of a hill. I kick the doors open.

I see the Number Man from Mega Man meditating within. WHAT THE FUCK.

He is levitating.

He turns to me, and stands up. He never stops hovering a few inches above the ground. He juggles numbers. I then notice his face is a question.

How are you a question, O god of Numbers? I thought you would be a zero, or maybe infinity.

Oh, you pugnacious fool, he laughs mockingly. Don't you know that nothing and everything is actually the same thing?

I am beyond numbers. Though everything in this universe is numbered, and everything is coded and all surfaces are coated with numbers on their souls... Even so, not some, but all have numbers running across the surface of their soles. Don't be ashamed or enraged, just take a chill pill Dr. Phil, and let me fill you in on something: Mathemagicians are just the quick seeking truth beyond the presently held view of empirical reality. Numbers don't seek, numbers are. But, I am the moving numbers. I am the interdimensional number. I am the immeasurable. I am soul, and emotion. I am what can never be codes. They point their numbers at me, and I just flow, the numbers flow over me. They can never penetrate my soul, oh, because I am the Number God. I am the Master of Infinity and Nothingness. I have transcended dimensions. I am aware of all my existences simultaneously. See, in that one, we are mother and tiger cub, mommy. Oh yeah! Life will always be especially strange in a particular dimension. That is because it is far away from you on the lemniscate, but I have found a way to exist in the zero point, the center of the lemniscate. I am the smallest particle in the universe. I am the oldest particle in the universe. I am what is left of the Big Bang. I have the power to trigger another Big Bang, should this universe ever cease to exist. I access the Infinite Nothing.

I am the Number God, I am soul and emotion. At this point, the number god changed into many forms, and the temples changed with his appearance. A great Chinese demon, a dragon, a god, a merman, a war, a plant, a solar system, a universe, a frog god...

I am infinite and eternal. You can never measure me. I am life and death.

I fell to my knees, and began weeping. I was overwhelmed with emotion. I felt like I was being born and dying in the same instant. Pain and agony ripped through my soul, yet I felt a profound peace. I screamed and stood up. The rain poured down. I was outside again. No, I burned the temple with fire. I painfully turned into a tree. It felt like being struck by lightning. The crazy Number God did this, that bastard!

I forced a root into the ground. It felt like I was dying as I pushed it through the rocky soul. I felt a magma pocked with my root, and burrowed into it. The lava flowed up my root, and burst out the side of a mountain. It felt like my arm was on fire. The volcano grew. More places erupted, and turned the rain into steam.

The Number god turned into a water elemental in the shape of a flying tiger. I turned into a giant magnet tiger. I sucked iron to me, and shot tiny bits of rock at the Number God. He reformed. Then, I charged the iron with fire, and shot it at him. He burst into steam. He roared and me, and rushed at me like a wind, but I exhaled hard, and right when he got to me, I inhaled him. I held him inside me.

He giggled, "Now you see you are a Bhudda within."

I exhaled, but only an image came out of my breath.

"I remain within, as I always have."

I transform into an indigo stone giant insectoid-humanoid. I have jets on my feet. I slam a spiraling staff into the jungle of Nod.

[B]I DECLARE MYSELF THE MOON GOD! I AM X. I AM THE LUCID GOD. I AM THE GOD OF LUCIDITY.[/B]

Raven tells me to calm down. I respond by turning into a demon-dragon and eating someone.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

I am balancing out the energies here. I have become a True Neutral. Good and evil are only perceptions.

You fool! I will always be chaotic good, no matter what my form!

Raven turns into a large black raven, Queen of Night, a black bear, a black mamba, a giant black widow...

and you, my prey, have gone too far!

I turn into a giant blue translucent panda wearing a hat, wielding a quarterstaff. she turns into a dragon. we battle.

I breathe water at her, and put her fire out. she coughs.

She gets mad and me and chases me into the sky. I feel her claws tearing into my back. I escape into another dream.

I have a daughter that looks so much like Angel... We are in some cartoon Disney movie... It's how our child perceives her life, a kind of perfect fairyland where no one gets hurt.

"Nomad! Stop being an asshole!"

Raven is wearing a long red dress with red horns. She calls down thunder.

I turn into a rabbit, an burrow into another dream.

This is some weird rotoscoping...

I am smoking DMT with Keanu Reeves, Woody Harrelson, Winona Rider, and Robert Downey Jr. I take a hit. I feel my face implode. I feel like my soul is screaming. Raven follows me down a wormhole. I am a fox with a long long tail which she is holding on to. Why does she have a picnic basket? The wormhole becomes full of life. We sing a song, and say we are going to meet the All-One, the Mother and Father of ALL-ness.

We are hovering in space in front of a multicolored sun. It feels sentient. Its surface reminds me of human egg cells. It begins speaking to us in waves. It says it's a symbolic representation of the universe, and at the same time it is the universe, the progenitor of planets, yet as young and new as it is ancient.

I live forever, because I die for ever.

I wake up in a CIA Remote Viewer room. Raven is on the couch next to me. We take off these strange devices.

"Alright. We know you have The Gift. You are going to use it for US now, the U.S., for the good of the country. There are many things you can do with your gift, given the right training. You will be paid a healthy government salary, great benefits, see the world."

I don't need to travel to dream travel.

"Oh, but you will to get a better, ah, impression, of your, ah, targets."

"I don't really believe in spying."

"We prefer to call in psychosurveillance."

"You will go into the minds of our enemies and extract information."

"It doesn't work like that."

"You don't understand how well you will be trained. This is an offer you can't refuse. If you do, you will be detained for oh, five, ten years. 'How did these terrorists break into the CIA?'"

I shrug and sign my name. "NOMAD! NO!"

The dream shifts again.

Raven and I are battling the RV'ers, Matrix-style.

Suddenly we are in Evil Dead II.

The spooks become deadites. They say they want to swallow my soul. I turn into a burning white-hot archangel, and consume them. I form their dark energy into a sword. I absorb them into it.

I transform into Indigo, god of Lucidity, and slice and dice the deadites. I am now slicing Isz in The Outback. I am a giant white devil rabbit.

NOTES

practicing WILD

I actually see my HH vividly. I am awake.

I tell myself, "this is a dream."

I fall into myself, into a Black Void with a rush.

I am shooting large stone blocks out of me, then retracting them back with my astral tentacles on the Moon.

Raven: What are you doing, Nomad?

I am training, baby! BOOM blocks! Leave me alone!

Raven: Uh... what? Did you just call me baby? Why are you acting so weird?

Probably because I am not lucid.

You know this is a dream?

Yes. But, I am currently unaware of physical reality.

So, you don't know you have a body on earth, on another plane?

Hmm... sounds like a fading memory. Oh well. BOOM, BEEYOTCH, BOOM!

Clouds of Moon dust fly up.

[I]abridged[/I]

I am in a pirate radio station in a grass hut in the City of Nowhere. I am shooting out radio waves from an antenna on the top of the Temple.

[I]YO, WHAT'S UP DREAMERS? This is Nomad, Juargawn, Nate, Indigo, whatever you want to call me, I am The God of Lucidity, broadcasting from the MOON BABY, YEAH! Tonight we have a line up of some kick ass drum'n'bass, glitch, and DUBSTEP, MU-FUKKAS! And I will play the didjeridoo with my mouth into the mic tonight. How can I do it? THIS IS A DREAM, BABY! THIS IS A FUCKING DREAM![/I]

I fly through the roof. I sense myself in many dreams, in many dimensions. I cover myself in dream-orbs like armor. I shoot them into as many dreams as possible.

[I]Yeah! I am the funky monkey goat god, Pan-Cannabis! Bachus Magnus! I fly through your dreams on wings of power![/I]

I go back to the Temple, and sit on the landing pad. Francis, Aphrodite, Sarnox, and Guargawn join me.

"Now if I could only remember my regular lucid dreams like this... hmmm..."

A man walks up the steps proclaiming himself Mayor of Nowhere. I say "Go ahead, as long as you don't act like an asshole." He snickers at this and says he got elected.

I don't trust him.

I see he has a parasite on his back. I pounce on him, and rip the parasite off. The man coughs, and seems weak. I give him some water. He says The Bastards did it to him. The Bastards? The Conquistadores, mufukka! Damn.

He says they were controlling his words and actions remotely.

He says he is Juan from long ago, the guy with the sentient plants.

***

We have a huge battle, and fight off Templars with sentient plants turned to their will. I summon swarms of locusts which devour the plants. Lady Datura says the plants are fools.

NOTES

I proclaim myself god of Lucidity. I will fly through people's dreams, an indigo panther bear, with skin wing flaps, and a staff of blue diamonds.

Raven proclaims herself goddess of Night.

Angel proclaims herself goddess of Twilight.

MoSh proclaims himself King of Nagas.

Tigress proclaims herself the goddess of Wolf-Tigers.

Silverwolf proclaims herself goddess of werewolves.

Loaf proclaims himself The Vampire Prince.

Mowglycdb proclaims himself The Beast Lord.

***

MoSh and I battle in the Jungle. I am the Jaguar God, and he is the Rainbow Serpent.

abridged

I am playing with small dark energy creatures in the Biodome.

Raven: Nomad? Uh... what are those?

These are my lil' friends.

MoSh: Get those fucking demon creatures out of here! Biodome AI, teleport them out!

Override! Code: 8529 times infinity. No way man. Don't worry, dark does not mean evil. You just gotta train 'em, like lil' pit bulls.

MoSh: Why the weird accent?

I don' know, man.

A portal opens up beneath me, and sucks me in. You asshole? WTF?

****

Dream explodes. I pull all the dreams to my, and cover myself in dream orbs. The RV Templars are torturing me in an electric chair. They keep killing me. I spit in their faces. I watch myself, Juargawn.

I cover myself in dream orbs and my lil' friends. I launch orbs and lil' friends at the Templars, and rescue Juargawn from another dimension. I take him back to the Biodome.

A portal opens beneath me. I run away, but get sucked in.

I run through dreams, launching dream orbs and lil' friends at the bastards chasing me.

I finally let them catch me, then I absorb their dark energy. I feed it to my lil friends. The spooks are drained, fucking worthless wraiths.

I capture them in a dream orb, and take them back the the Biodome.

What should we do with these?

Raven: Fuck them up!

MoSh: Kill them.

Tigress: Study them. Seriously. Give me the orb.

Tigress gives the orb to Washu and Janet.

NOTES

date uknown

I am covered in reflective armor. I have a mirror hanging off my face. My face halfway in the mirror.

NOTES

I am Juargawn. I am dancing on the Moon. I am shooting dream orbs out, of me, and slinging them back like a meteor hammer.

***

THe Biodome AI keeps teleporting me out of the Biodome.

WTF STEPHANIE?

Oh, I didn't recognize your energy signature... you have that dark thing on you.

It's just my symbiote, baby. I have it all under control. Override Code: pi to the infinite power, 8 times Juargawn. Soulfucker times 2. Now let me in.

Sorry, Juargawn.

Yeah. I know you love me.

NOTES

I am in a strange outdoor temple on a mountain.

RV Templars throw a net over me. Every weight has the energy of a full dream. The net is made of astral cords.

I draw energy up from the ground and break free.

I am covered in my sphere-armor, each sphere a dream.

FUCK YO DREAM NET BITCHES!

NOTES

-On a living bus.

-My face is a mirror.

-Tigress and I at a bar. We kiss. I thought you were a lesbian! I thought you were a chick! I am a chick. WTF? Am I Ranma?

- MoSH and I walk down the sidewalk in Cape Cod. We see him walking with A. I, as Juargawn, pounce on him. We are dreaming this old dream. WTF?

I have giant stone blocks for hands.

- I am a pyramid.

- I am shooting astral tentacles out of my hands and head.

*this dream was when we went to help my friend with nightmares*

***
[I]astral dream[/I]

Raven and I are on the Moon. She is meditating by the koi pond. I see dark and light energy spinning through her in circles. She is chanting something, no, singing. Her soul is singing something...

[I]Peace in the darkness
Peace in the daylight
I am a piece of light
I am a piece of night
dark and light
flow... flow through me
flow like rain, like rivers,
like currents, like steam
flow like snow, like clouds,
like ice, like steam...[/I]

Raven?

Oh, hi, Nomad. I was just working on getting this dark energy under control. I am getting better. We are going to your friend to help her with nightmares, correct?

Yes.

Alright, then. You open the portal.

Ok.

I open a portal to Earth in the astral plane. We are in A's bedroom. She's asleep. There is a tormented look on her face. There is an astral demon crouched over her. It looks like a mixture of shadow and ice. It breathes icy blue breath over her face.

"Sleep, child, o, sleep and dream. Dream of me, dream of death and pain. Writhe like snakes burning in the sun, writhe like foolish maggots in the mouth of the sparrow."

Raven and I morph into our Shadow Beast Selves. We are huge dark jaguars, more like African lions, or Siberian tigers. I smack its head with my paw. I break its jaw. It turns its head to me, and its eyes glow red. It puts its jaw back in place, and begins to say something, but Raven is on its back, biting into its neck.

She is drawing the demon's dark energy into her. The demon starts to wither like a leaf drying in the sun.

"No, get this bitch..."

I laugh, and drive my fist into its face, then grab its head and twist until I feel its neck break. My hidden blade slices into its brain. Before it shrivels into a helpless state, it hits a button on some kind of bracelet. It seems strange, a demon with an electronic device.

Government Remote Viewers appear riding broomsticks out of many portals.

What the fuck?

"We are the Witch Corps, you fucking idiot. We have been recruited from many covens across the globe to work for The Masters."

"And why are you telling me this?"

"Because no one will believe you if you repeat this information, fool."

I motion to one of them to come close so I can whisper in his ear.

"[B]FUCK YOU!"[/B] I scream in his ear, and his face melts. I roar at the spooks, and ripple the fabric of time and space.

Raven multiplies, and teleports all over the place, slitting their throats from behind, and tossing their heads into portals leading into randomness. The fight is over quickly.

A stirs. Raven is singing over her, caressing her head maternally. A sits up.

"What? Who are you? Get out of my room!"

"We are friends. I am your friend, Nate. You are dreaming."

I turn into my physical self.

"Nate? Nate?" she squints. I play my didjeridoo, and she calms down. Raven summons a golden orb which lights up the room.

"Ah, that's very pleasant. I feel peaceful. I thought you two were demons coming to haunt me again."

"No, we just kicked their ass, actually."

"Oh!'

"There were a lot. One demon, actually, the rest, humans."

"Really, and why were they here to attack lil' ol' me?"

"Because you are the Witch Queen, apparently. I have it all here, on this little memory card I stole from the demon's bracelet, before Raven turned him into a withered husk."

"I am the Witch Queen? What does that mean?"

"Well, you see, we all have different, uh... personas, selves, something like the god aspect of us... something like the buddha within us all, but the more specific god-aspect. See, Raven is the Queen of Night, Angel is the Queen of Twilight, I am the god of Nothing, and you're the Witch Queen. So, they want you for your power, A."

"My head's beginning to swim. I don't..."

"Nomad, leave the poor girl alone! You're overwhelming her!"

"I just want to sleep."

"Okay. Let your astral body rest. We'll protect you tonight, and as much as we can in the future."

"My astral body? What?"

"Sh."

"Can I have a glass of milk?"

"Sure." I summon a glass of milk, and give it to A. She drinks a little and goes back to sleep. I morph her bed into a cloud. She closes her eyes, and a little smile appears on her face. Raven makes golden energy come down like soft rain.

"Raven, I feel we are getting sucked into a dream!"

"I am not. You are. Stay here!"

"Ulp! What the hell is happening?"

"Nomad! Stabilize! Look at your hands! Count or something. Focus on my face!"

The dream smears...

I am in a Black Void.

I somehow feel as if I am on trial. I hear a voice.

[I]You fool. You think you are some kind of hero? HA! Some kind of god? You puny mortal. I rule this world, this plane![/I]

Then, I begin to see things as my eyes get adjusted to the light. I am being held by two strange monkey-demons. There is some kind of minotaur demon before me.

I feel like I have been drugged.

"What is this? Some kind of lame excuse for Hell?"

"Silence mortal!"

"Fuck you... this is my dream!"

"No, it's not. You have no powers here. You cannot even wake up. And yes, this is Hell. We are torturing you and the ones you love in many different dimensions, simultaneously. LOOK INTO THE WINDOWS!"

Devices are strapped to my eyeballs to force them open.

I see through windows of myself and my loved ones going through all manner of hideous torture. I scream, but no breath comes out.

"You can't breathe here, either. You can't do a reality check, now. This is not a dream. This is all real."

I hear Vegeta's voice in my brain. "Do not give in to the illusion! You can use illusory magic. Now recognize it!"

I feel a dark crimson rage burning from the center of my brain, and expanding outward. I am engulfed by red flame. I morph into Shadow Self, Beast Self, and Demon Self, all in one. I break free of the demons holding me. There is something on the back of my head. I rip it off, and slam it on the ground. A long tail comes out of my head. It looks like a small sting ray. I smash it.

"You see, it's an illusion inducing parasite." I hear Vegeta's voice again.

I am back in the Black Void.

"The Red Witch Queen has always been ours, is ours now, and will be ours forever. We will leach her power into our souls for all eternity." The same dark voice says.

Silvery astral tentacles snake through the void to me.

A portal opens, and an arm comes out. I recognize it as Raven's. I grab her hand, and she yanks me through. We ride through the wormhole on a Wormhole Wyrm. We battle strange parasites on our way back to the Moon.

We land.

"Alright," Raven says. "We need to heal and armor up, then go into her Inner World."

"Let's do it!" I say, cracking my knuckles.

We do mutual healing, then I open a portal to her Inner World. It looks like a pleasant Northern European countryside. There is a dense forest growing on the plain creeping up to a mountain. There! A castle in the distance. There is a dark aura around it.

***
[I]missing time[/I]

We are in the castle.

I am the Witch Queen!

The Witch Queen is wearing a long red dress, sitting on a stone throne. She has long red antlers.

She will not tolerate misbehavior. She winks at me playfully.

A shadow creature comes out of a portal, and tackles her, taking her into another portal.

I follow the creature. Raven says, "No wait!"

We are on a bombed out landscape. The Witch Queen is on a cliff, with the shadow creature. He is telling her it's all her fault. She turns into a normal human, and weeps. Raven appears. She tosses an imp into a portal. Raven turns into a werebeast and tackles the shadow creature. They tumble to the plains below, battling in the air as they fall.

The creature shoots a black astral tentacle at the sky, opening a portal.

I create a sphere of protection around the Witch Queen as hordes of shadow creatures like bats and locusts come pouring out of the portal. "Get her out of here!" Raven yells.

I wrap my arms around her, and teleport her to the Biodome on the Moon. Tigress says, "What took you so long?"

I am confused.

"You were going to bring back samples of dark energy beings for us to analyze."

Tigress telekinetically removes dark bug things from The Witch Queen and I and puts them in glass jars. She hands them to Washu, who takes them away. Raven tumbles out of a portal. The creature pokes its head through, but Raven charges a fist with lightning, and punches it in the face, knocking it back.

Raven's eyes are crimson. She has dark energy. "Don't worry, Nomad, I have it under... CON-trol. I'm fine." She breathes. "Alright, let's heal your friend." She's already asleep in the grass in the Glen of Healing.

We use music magic to heal her. Others join us: MoSh, Basara, Michael.

"Well, it's going to take a long time for us to defeat all these nightmare bastards, but I think it's going to be a good quest," Raven says. "Do you think she's willing to learn to control her dreams?"

"I think so, I hope so."