A Dreamer's Dreams

Journal Entry Lucid # 58 Dream,Lucid, (Comments)
Background: I meditated before going to bed. And I meditated after doing WBTB. I tried to become aware of my body and I ignored the little itches that the body gives out. I did fall asleep, without awareness. When I did my WBTB I woke up at 2:00 Am and I watched some movie. My parents are getting ready to start the day as always. I then talked to my dad and said to him, "Do you know what is so beautiful about the darkness?" He responded, " heh, nothing darkness is evil", he is a very christian man and only sees one way. Even though I know this will dissatisfy him, but I proceeded, "Darkness gives rise to possibility, only the imagination fills in the gap". He tells me, "darkness is bad..". I told him to look at it a different perspective and maybe he will understand what I mean. He didn't quite understand even though he claims to. Well you get the point.

WILD experience: I had a dream and I awoken from it. I kept thinking about the dream and I began falling back to sleep. I then hear the loud wind again. At first i was scared and the noise started diminishing. And I became sad, but then I resolved to myself that I will do it sooner or later. I stayed still. I felt like my hands were swinging. I felt out of control. I don't know if that was astral body or part of the dream. During all this I could hear the loud wind that was deafening and it got higher in frequency and it felt like needle that keeps getting sharper with the increasing of sound. I thought I can't do this, but I kept thinking about the dream I had to distract me. New images started to form, complex patterns. I could also hear sound now, no more pain. I think I came in with fear though. I hear laughter that keeps on distorting and getting lower in pitch. I saw blood dripping from the patterns. They turned into a pyramid. Then I hear a voice say to me, "Do want to meet our lord, Lucifer?". I thought this is only a dream, and besides I have to live by my words, I say to myself to face all fears. I then say yes. I see a book open and it was covered in blood. My body felt possessed and I squirmed around in the dream without my control.

Lucid Dream # 58, day: 07/03/14, time: 5:20-6:59 Am" Facing Fear:
I am now 180 degrees on my bed, sleeping where my foot should be. I see a clown, a lady clown looking at me, she had blond hair, She had a clown outfit but the colors were a little bit faded as if she has worn them for years. She said, "I am sorry it didn't work". I know it's a dream so I just looked at her. I could see that I am in my room, but it is still a dream. She looked at me and realized that I know. She said, "If you want to explore this place you have to put on a mask". I am still just thinking to myself, "no, mask is a representation of losing one's identity and replacing it with another". With that thought, she said, " okay you have to put on a scarf". She put it on me and told me to follow her.

As we were making our way through an office with little to no lighting. I am looking around telling myself be aware. I touch the desk to feel the texture. I would look at the wall for pattern and I am just occupying myself saying be aware that i am not truly experiencing the dream. The clown lady is standing next to the door like a SWAT person and she open the door slightly. I see a little girl in a bright pink room, looking frightened saying out loud to herself "Be aware. Be Aware." She is walking back and forth. I thought to myself what is my dream trying to tell me, the clown said calmly and slowly, "Calm down". I started settling in the dream. It felt stable. The clown disappeared. I wanted to see how the little girl responds to the change of my thought. I opened the door and I hear a short scream of something fearful, "Rah" and for that very second I felt a cold darkness come over me.

I am scared and I rocked back away from the door. I then calmly told myself to calm down. I turned and started walking away. I pass through door after door in a endless mansion. I started to become scared. I see the walls crumble. I thought to myself without being scared, "wow this doesn't usually happen in a dream of mine, it is mostly stable". I started to walk away. I kept telling myself that I got to get out of here. I see a friend of my sister, KE, and he is outside the house being dragged by strong wind. He tells me that I need him for some reason. I tried to use telekinesis to bring him back into the house. I couldn't the wind were blowing really hard. And objects in the house started to throw themselves at me, a lamp, a vase, etc. I used telekinesis to stop them but they kept coming. I then found a slide looking thing that leads outside.

I see a man climb out of it. Towards the slide and he slides back down. It looked like he is having fun, even though I had hell in there. He actually wanted to come back to the mansion. I on the other hand flew up into the air. It is raining. I felt so relieved and i could think clearly now. I felt powerful. I then extended both my hands and used telekinesis. I created a barrier around me, I want to say spherical but since it wasn't visible and I know there was a force field because of the way the rain responded. The rain didn't touch me. I see myself in 3rd person perspective. I could see the water bouncing off of the shield, it bounced more at the top*. I am viewing first again. Since I could think clearly I thought why did I experience that. I realized the conversation I had with my father, that was one. I also know that I came with fear from the start of my dream.

I told myself If I go out and have fun in the dream it would be preferable, but if I go back I could face a fear that I thought I conquered, darkness. I judged myself and called myself a coward, I agreed that I am acting as a coward at the moment but if I go back and face my fear that is what courage is, to face one's fear. I decided to go back. I flew back to the ground. Just a weird thing I noticed, I saw the clown but now she is a business lady. She started walking with a long coat on. She takes it off and now she is naked and begins to approach the other guy. I just ignored them for I had no interest. I went back to the dark room. And I opened the door. I see a lot of people cleaning up the place. I see Walter White from "breaking bad" with a bandage on his face. His face looked bruised like on season 3 after he beat gust. He was next to a pay phone. He calls Dewey from "Malcolm in the middle". He looked dead at me and he said on the phone with a serious tone, "Dewey (3 second pause) it is done". I then feel my body being dragged at an alarming rate. I woke up.

My interpretation: I think that it had nothing to do with darkness, but since I came with fear in my heart from the start my mind related it to the last things I saw.
I think the whole thing was about me facing fear not the fear of but confronting fear. And maybe the guy having fun on the slide signifies that I make the experience what it is, he was having fun while I wasn't.

*I love mathematics and after thinking about the way the water splashed; I think it make sense that the water splashed more at the top of the force field because the top has the most amount of surface area that comes into contact with the rain. The side would just brush the water and the bottom doesn't really exist. I am just amazed at the details that dream present themselves. It truly is fascinating that something creates without us straining our mind.

I just realized that the clown lady could be Harley Quinn from the comic books. I never knew she had blond hair.