insideout

Not very good dream recall these past few days.

January 29, 2011: I was with N in a building of some sort. It was like a hotel and/or a mall. I was going to go look for my grandmother (don't know which one), but I was nervous about it.
I got lost, with some girl with me. Someone started throwing bombs at us. Then the bombs were exploding ice being shot at us.

Then I was in a building with lots of old, deformed people. It was partially a school. I wanted to draw on a door that I saw, but I couldn't because there was someone nearby who would see me.
An old lady in a wheelchair picked me up and hugged me.

January 30, '11: There might have been something with legos. I'm not sure. Then it was like Land of the Lost, but in my parents driveway. There was a large T-rex sort of dinosaur, and a King Kong.
I became annoyed because it didn't make any sense.
I saw big spiders in all of the trees lining the driveway.

Dream Lucid

January 27, '11: All my dreams tonight were unpleasant.
In one dream, My cat, Lilly, was playing in the snow in the middle of a road. She would burrow into the snow. I hurried outside to get her before a car ran over her. But it was difficult because my pants were down and I couldn't get them up. I did save her, but I was stressed and worried that she might do it again.

Jan. 28, '11: Uncle traveling Matt, the Fraggle, was in my grandparents' house (dad's side). He tripped and fell down the stairs. Then he was just the lifeless puppet used in the show. I held it and hugged it.
It was made of foam and I thought it could easily rip.

There was a DVD that was kind of stuck. It was paused and still playing at the same time. That's why the Fraggle stopped moving and why I could manipulate him (rather than it just playing the regular show).
A woman there said she had ruined a video game that way. If I left the DVD paused too long, it would start recording over the show with a video of me with the puppet.

Dream Lucid

January 26, 2011, Pet rats get loose: I had my two pet rats (died a long time ago in waking life) in Adam's old house. One of the rats was the size of a young cat, the other was the size of a mouse. The bigger one didn't like me. She got loose and wanted to play with the cats. Then the smaller one got loose and lost in the house. I told Adam's mom about it. She was not concerned. My Dad was there, making annoying jokes.

Other dream: I climbed a building, onto the roof. There was a construction site, partially inside the building. I jumped and glided through/over the construction area, grabbing a basket of laundry in mid-air.
The laundry belonged to the main construction guy. He talked about a fountain in a nearby building that I had not been inside. He said he was the best.
He told me that I was annoying everyone, but if I enjoyed it then it's OK because it will bring me "comfort and joy."
Then a cop showed up. He had a very large syringe, almost as big as himself. He stabbed me in the bottom of my feet and it made me wake up.

Dream Lucid

I've had a major increase in lucid dreams lately. Now if I could improve my control within the dream.

January 25, '11: I was walking up a narrow stairway in a house. I said to myself that I hate the dreams I have with claustrophobic spaces that I can't fit through. I said, "but I don't have them very often."
By this point I knew I was dreaming and I was mostly lucid.
Some guy was with me. I don't know who. We were in a room with several doors, painted white. One led back to the stairway. I said "because this is a dream we can ignore this shit. Or, I could stay and find out what it means."
I went back to the stairway.

A man with a tucked in white, button up shirt and khaki pants walked up the stairs. I asked him what this dream means, or why I was having it. He looked confused and didn't say anything. I said that I had broken him, thinking that he was like a simple robot with one take and barely any consciousness.

Up the stairs, back in the room, a bunch of ceiling fans were on super high speed, creating a strong wind. I threw the man into another room, and then I went into the same room and shut the door. There was a fan in that room too, spinning really fast. I turned it off.

Then I was walking in a large hallway, like a mall. There was wide, short staircase up ahead. The first guy was still with me. He was afraid of zombies, or we expected there to be zombies.
Still thinking of this as a dream, I told him that there would not be zombies if I didn't believe there would be. but then we saw three or four zombies coming toward us.
I waved my hand at them, saying there were no zombies. Then they faded away.

I was gradually losing lucidity. I started fighting a woman with white, glowing eyes. She shot a beam of light from her eyes as a weapon. She was invincible.
Then it turned into a video game, and a bunch of other stuff happened that I don't remember so well.

Dream

January 24, '11: I was outside, in a tree, wrapping a string around a branch. I heard someone whistling coming from the woods. It was my grandpa.
Then I was inside. It was late at night. I was in a big house with lots of large windows. It was a vacation house.

I saw a black panther outside. It was bigger than a person, and it had a baby panther with it. The large panther saw me and got inside somehow. It chased me and jumped at me. I grabbed it and choked it. I could squeeze its throat shut, so it couldn't breath. But I didn't want to kill it. I threw it over the railing of a stairwell.

Later, I thought if I put the cat in water it would dissolve. I said I remembered this from a dream. (I really have had a dream about a cat that that was attacking me dissolving in water). The panther was now a house cat. I called it a jaguar.
My family was seated at a dining table. My parents called Don Juan, or Castaneda to ask him why I was having this experience.

Dream Lucid

Jan. 23, '11: I tried the same breathing method again a couple of times early this morning when I was still tired. I just fell asleep normally. I tried again later when I was more awake. It took a while to relax enough, but eventually I felt the vibrations. I tried to "pull" energy into me to intensify the sensation. It did at first, then stopped, and started up again.

I started lucid dreaming. There was very little visuals or sensations at first, but it became more vivid after a minute or so. I was walking down the hallway of my old home, looking at my hands.
In the living room, I stated my intent and expectation to see Sheila behind me. I turned around and there was nothing.

I woke slightly, feeling vibrations again, and began to dream again.

In the kitchen of the same house, I saw Eddie. He was not wearing a shirt (true to life) I asked him to lead me to Sheila. He said something I didn't understand. Then I followed him through the dining room and into my parents' room.
He went behind the door and I sort of smooshed him with it.
I looked behind the door and he had vanished. There was another door, with light coming from it. I went through it and ended up face-to-face with an androgynous stranger. We kissed and I lost some of my lucidity.

We were in weird poses, and I'm not sure what we were doing. It didn't feel sexual. I didn't really like it. There was a large mirror and it caused some scary reactions, as usual.

I woke again, and began another dream scene.

I was in the music school/ballet school (another childhood location) N was there. We had some sex.
There were several people sitting in the waiting room area, all of them female. I thought it was a good place to look for Sheila. I asked if she was there. They said no.
I asked for help. A woman said something that didn't seem helpful or useful, I don't remember what.
A serious looking business woman gave me a card and told me to call her. I asked if she meant in waking life or in the dream.

Then I lost lucidity. I thought I was high. I felt very horny. I sat next to N, who was sewing. I tried not to do anything inappropriate. There were lots of ladies sewing and also eating. It was Thanksgiving.

I have now had a lucid dream three days in a row. It's a new record for me.
I am going to change my lucid dream goal for awhile, maybe until I get better at doing other things, before I try finding Sheila again.

Non-lucid Lucid

Jan. 22, '11: I tried the same breathing and relaxing method as the night before. I didn't get as close to consciously falling asleep as last night, but I did feel myself slip closer to sleep a couple of times.

Dreams: I was on a school bus. I had to climb over folded seats to get out. The door was very narrow and I barely fit through. I wondered how bigger people fit through it.
Outside the bus, there were lots of young people, possibly teenagers or college students. I jumped on a car and rocked it up and down.
I knew I was dreaming. Although I probably wasn't fully conscious. I was carrying some books or something. I threw them far away, toward some trees on a hill. The objects flew and vanished, with magic.
Then I jumped into the air and dived toward the ground. My hands went into the ground, without breaking the dirt. I could feel the soil even though my hands were nonphysical.
I walked around a bit. I was chewing on something. It was kind of gross and I wanted to spit it out.
I woke slightly and the scene changed.

I was in my grandparents' house (father's side), at a big table. I was still lucid, but my limbs were numb and hard to move.

A separate dream, no longer lucid: I was in college, a new semester, sitting in a computer lab. A class started. I had another class to go to. I got up and walked to the door to leave, but I had forgotten my soda and my shoes. There was a small fridge under the computer. I walked back to the computer, in front of the teacher to get my things.

Another dream: I was outside. It was dark. We passed a parked vehicle. Eddie pointed out a grasshopper on the vehicle, knowing that I don't like them. I mostly ignored him, saying I had seen it earlier. Then he threw the grasshopper at me and I woke up. I grumbled and said "little shit..."

Non-lucid Lucid

January 21, '11: Early this morning I tried falling asleep consciously by using a breathing method, focusing on my breathing, relaxing further with each exhale, and waiting a second before inhaling again.
I had a short dream about a guy with baby ducks in a cage. Some of them had died, and one was dying.
I woke up again, still focused on my breathing. I felt my body begin to fall asleep But I must have gotten too excited and woke up. A few minutes later it happened again, with the same results.

Then I fell asleep and started dreaming.
I was in church (dream sign), hiding in the bathroom. I went outside and started flying (another dream sign). I then knew I was dreaming. I saw someone I recognized getting into his car as I flew overhead. He then drove away. I might have scared him.
As I flew, I noticed the beautiful scenery. but my vision was partially obscured, as if by a hat or hoody. I attempted to stabilize the dream.
I remembered that I wanted to find Sheila. It took a few seconds to stop flying. I landed horizontally on a flat, metal statue, and started walking around on the ground. There were several houses around me.
I called out for Sheila, saying that she would appear because I wanted her to. I was going to check in one of the houses for her. But I found a family of ducks. I asked if one of them was Sheila (I don't know why). A male duck attacked me. I grabbed it by the neck. I'm not sure if I killed it.
I lost lucidity.
Then I was naked, sitting on a children's playground thing. There were several people around. I went down some concrete stairs, still naked. A man walking a dog went by in the other direction. I saw a homeless person sleeping. There were several towels hanging up. I took one to cover myself. But the man showed up again and said the towel had some kind of STD, so I didn't want it to touch my genitals. I dropped the towel, but then I thought my hands were probably dirty.
A crazy old lady started following me. Soon after that I woke up.

Dream fragment: Some people were playing a game to see who had the most keys in their pocket. They were aware that it was a dream and so they could control how many keys they had. This is the second time I remember people playing a conscious dream game. In the other one, I was also lucid and playing the game. We would say the name of a loud noise, and then we would hear it.

Notes on today's lucid dream: Obviously I need to change my method of finding Sheila, or change my lucid dream goal to something else. Rather than looking for her, I could concentrate on focusing my intent to see her.

I don't know why some night I have good dream recall and other nights I barely remember anything. I can't figure out what the variables are.
Last night I tried Mascot's "Dreaming Potion" before bed, as directed in this thread.
In the first half of the night I had some strange and unusual dreams, but I don't remember them. In the second half of the night I only remember a couple of fragments of average type dreams.
I will try the dreaming juice again tonight. Maybe I should drink it after five or six hours of sleep.

Non-lucid Lucid
January 16, 2011:
I went to bed around 2:00am. Before going to sleep I reviewed the day's events in reverse. I woke up around 6:35am, and put a ring on my left hand. As I was going back to sleep, I repeated the mantra "I will lucid dream," in a singing chant (in my head, obviously). I fell asleep on my back, became lucid in a dream and had a series of three or four lucid dreams. I woke again at 7:05am

I was in a store that had lots of xmas decorations, trees and stuff. I went into a room with an office desk. I heard someone at the desk, but I could not see him.
I picked up a bottle off the desk and I knew I was dreaming as I hit the edge of the desk several times with the bottle. The room was dark and it was hard to see. I said I wanted more vividness, and said "give me light!" but it didn't work.
Then I woke slightly and felt vibrations. I entered another dream.
I was in bed with N. I got up and walked around the room. It was still dark. I said I wanted more vividness, but it didn't seem to work. Then I had a little sex with N.
I woke slightly again and entered a dream again.
I remembered to look for Sheila. I saw a door and said that she would be on the other side of it. But she wasn't. I saw a corner and said she would be around the corner, but again she wasn't. I was getting upset that it wasn't working.
Then I saw a female face, part of a painting or statue at first. She was a solid greyish color. I grabbed the woman and tried to make her turn into Sheila, with no success.
Then I saw Sheila sitting at a table in a diner, facing away from me. The first girl became annoyed and angry. I tried to make her go away and tried to remove her consciousness.
I approached Sheila and said her name. She turned and smiled at me. Her face was painted blue, with stripes and designs. I said she looked cool. We might have kissed, I'm not sure now.
The other girl was still there. She and Sheila kissed. The first girl was not angry anymore.
Then I must have lost lucidity and Sheila turned into a cat. I put her in a bag or a large purse.

My goal had been to find Sheila and ask her to find me in non-lucid dreams to tell me that I am dreaming. I was only half successful.

January 15, '11,
I had a false lucid dream.
I was in a neighborhood, lying in a hammock. There may have been a cat lying with me. I was thinking of my childhood until I fell asleep. I felt vibrations in my body and somehow focused on a point in front of my face, and I exited my body (my dream body).
I don't remember what happened next, but then I had a false awakening in which I started writing down the dream I just had. (should have done a reality check after waking). I wrote that I had thought I was Homer Simpson.

Then, in a later dream, I was in school, looking at an online comic. Parts of the comic moved and I thought it seemed very dream like. But I didn't pick up on the hint to become lucid.

The last few nights while trying to enter a lucid dream with the same techniques that has worked before, I would either be too tired to focus, or I would become too awake and not able to fall back asleep. The latter is the most annoying.

Things to work on and remember:

- Do not think about trying to fall asleep. This makes it harder to actually fall asleep.
- If my nose is congested, get up and blow it before trying to sleep. Otherwise, it will be a constant distraction.
-Use a thinner blanket. I get too hot with the new down comforter on me, and too cold with off.
- Do not try too hard. It has been difficult to get the right balance of passivity and aggression. I hope with continued, consistent practice, that I will make some progress in this area.
- Continue to work towards the goal of consistent, conscious waking without movement. This should greatly help with staying relaxed enough to re-enter a dream.

January 12, '11,
Sometimes I remember dreams that I don't even know how to describe.
Like last night, it started out with me playing with a female dog with puppets on my hands. A male dog showed up and was trying to mate with the female dog. I thought that I was probably suppose to keep them from mating, but I didn't do anything about it. The owner of the girl dog appeared and I was afraid he would be mad. But the girl dog was wearing something around her waist to keep her from getting pregnant.

He stuck his finger into a hole in the dog's belly, and pulled out some of her intestines. They were really long and thin. And then this is when the dream gets hard to describe.
I was helping with operating on the dog, but it didn't look anything like a dog anymore. It was like a two-dimensional representation of part of the dog's intestines, laid out on the ground, big enough for us to stand inside. We were trying to move a string/chain that was somehow suppose to go inside the intestines, but was partially hanging out. Sort of. Even that isn't a very accurate description of what was going on. I was standing in the way and the string/chain was caught behind my legs.

Then I had a ball of some sort, like a small basket ball, and I had to find an empty place to put it with all the other basketballs on the ground, in a large field. There were also people sitting in chair and tiny frozen animals in the grass that I had to be careful not to step on and break. This was all still part of the operation.

I grabbed onto someone's leg and slid down a hill, still holding the ball and trying not to touch the ground.

And that's all I remember. What the heck was all that?

Non-lucid Partially lucid

January 11, 2011: I went upstairs in my Grandparents' house (the non-living ones). There was a ghost up there that started talking to me.

I don't remember everything that happened while I was up there. I got increasingly creeped out and went a little crazy.

I chased a noisy vacuum cleaner around, trying to turn it off. The noise was really bothering me.
Then I somehow ended up back home. It was dark in my room. There was a glowing blue light coming from a digital clock or something. I was still scared of there being ghosts.

I said "Let's do something else until we forget about it and it goes away. Because this is a dream and that's how it works."

But I did not become fully lucid. The dream continued for a few minutes longer and then I woke up. So that was kind of disappointing.

January 9, 2011, Sunday,
Non-lucid Lucid

While doing my own technique to stay conscious while falling asleep, and strengthening my intention to lucid dream, it took me a long time to fall asleep. When I finally did get to sleep, I had a short lucid dream. It's my second one, two days in a row.

I was outside. I tried "deepening," or increasing my lucidity and the stability of the dream by rubbing my hands and my body. I found a big tree that I touched and started to climb a little.
Then I saw a Taco Bell in the distance and decided that Sheila was inside it. To save time, I closed my eyes and spun, to get to the entrance quickly. But I accidentally ended up somewhere else, and then I woke up.

I was unsuccessful at re-entering the lucid dream.

Notes:
Instead of closing my eyes and spinning to move closer to the Taco Bell, I should have tried focusing on a close detail of the building, like the door. This possibly would have prevented accidentally going somewhere completely different. I'm not sure why I suddenly woke up or why I couldn't re-enter the dream again (usually this isn't a problem for me). Perhaps there were too many distractions today.