insideout

January 8, 2011, Saturday,
non-lucid lucid

I was lying on my back while I imagined moving and stretching my arms out to a distant focal point, grabbing at it, and pulling it back towards me. As I did this, I strengthened my intent to have a lucid dream.
I felt myself get close to sleep. Eventually I rolled over onto my side and continued the imagined movement.

I entered a conscious dream. Still in bed, N got in bed with me. We cuddled for a bit and possibly had sex. Then N became angry with me and I lost lucidity for a while. we were in a hotel. She turned into a cat. Girls turn into cats a lot in my dreams.

I regained lucidity and started running around, yelling Sheila's name so she would appear. Sheila is a girl I have met a few times in previous lucid dreams. I went into my sister's room, in our old house we grew up in. I shouted for Sheila. I heard someone say "here I am." But it was B, not Sheila, and I said so.
At first I went along with it. I sat her down in front of a mirror to make her Sheila. She seemed really nervous, like she didn't want to be there. I suggested we have sex, like that would help somehow, but she didn't want to. It's just as well, too, because I wouldn't have wanted to get too distracted by sex and not at least try to achieve a goal.

I picked her up, carried her to the door, and tossed her out, closing the door again.
Then I went into the living room, still calling out for Sheila, and saying that I wanted to see her. There were other people in the living room, on the couches.
The phone rang and I picked it up, asking if it were Sheila. There was just noise. It was kind of scary.

Then I sort of gave up and remembered an easier lucid dream goal. I slowly put my hand through the stone wall, next to the fireplace. It was rough, and hurt a little when I pulled my hand out. A guy was watching. I said to him that I could have made it smoother. Then my leg was stuck in the stone ledge and I couldn't get it out, and I woke up.

Notes:
What did I do wrong? I was very intent on finding Sheila, almost obsessed with it. I expected her to show up, but was not successful.
Perhaps I was not certain enough that she would be there, and I still had doubts about my abilities. Maybe I was not calm enough. I should have had calm confidence. It might have helped if I performed some exercises in the dream to become more fully lucid.

I had my first lucid dream of the year on the first day of the year. It wasn't a great one, but any lucid dream is better than none.

January 1, 2011: First, I was in a non-lucid dream, waiting in a long line to use a pay phone. Some guy in line picked up a piece of broken glass and tried to stab me with it. I grabbed his arm and we struggled.
Then I woke up, but I didn't move. I felt vibrations and eventually entered a new dream. But I couldn't see. I sat up and moved around in the dark and tried to open my eyes, but it just made me return to my physical body (wake slightly).
I entered another conscious dream. I tried to fly, but gravity felt real. I put my hands on a table and sort of pushed with my hands and jumped at the same time. I pinched my nose to see if I was actually dreaming. I could still breath. Then I floated off the ground with no effort.
The scene changed. I was walking through a house, pushing doors open to walk through them, even though I was pretending to be a ghost. I went into a bedroom where I scared several cats. It sort of scared myself too and I woke up.

A later non-lucid dream on the same night was very interesting, I thought.
I was in a church building (I stopped going to church in waking life years ago), people there were arguing about whether or not to write another part to the Bible (a New New Testament?).
There was a large plug hanging from the wall. Part of it started glowing red, indicating that it was time to write the new holy book. The guy who was going to do it had left. The plug was glowing even more when I picked it up.
Suddenly I lost control of my arms. I lifted the plug over my head and put it into the back of my head.
I felt a strong rush of energy go through me and I woke up, thinking it was like going into another plain of existence.

I thought I should return to the dream to write about it, but I couldn't.