non-lucid

My mom had died. I did not initially have an emotional reaction to this (shock?). I didn't like that so I forced myself to cry until I actually felt grief. When I paused for a breath I heard sobbing behind me. I went over to the stairs (house I grew up in) and she is sitting on them - looking like she did when we lived there. Something about the emotions I felt at her passing made her solid to me. I gave her a huge hug. We talked a little and she started to fade but I used some sort of mental trick to stabilize her. I got an email telling me an ex had died. I told my mom to tell him he is a douche when she saw him. There were people over. me adjusting the temperature - was too hot ((likely rl temp registering)). There were a bunch of old ladies in the living room doing some sort of craft. My mom was trying to do whatever craft it was with them. She aged her face at some point - made it super wrinkly - like 80 or so. I was asking a friend(a) (who was now the dead person instead of my mom) if he had seen the way to move on. He told me he had. That it was a doorway in his (my old room) room. It had a red heart or red figure of a woman (can't quite remember) on it. To entice him? I told him all they needed was techno music playing behind it. He laughed.

((remembering now something else. A... feeling/sensation - possibly from a different one where I kept dying? a sensation of holding on to my essence, my self as I went through these transformations. I would intentionally kill myself and come through the other side intact. I think the dead people in this dream might have briefly made me remember that sensation while in this dream))

Sleep from 3am - 10am

I go to my mom's work to give her something. I was going to stay but realize i'm just going to be board for several hours and have my dad take me home. She works was for a law firm, but she was only one of the three people working there and the place was tiny and attached to a few little stores. Largish open area for the main office and one little sectioned off area for the boss.

Dream starts just before the zombies start coming. There are a really bizarre weather phenomenons - flash floods, tornadoes, wildfires, etc. I'm at some sort of yoga retreat. there is a male instructor and several people lined up along with me. we are all lying in our own little dugouts in the ground. we are in the middle of a forest with natural hot springs in the ground beneath us. At one point I turned the water on because I was cold and I missed a few words the instructor said (it filled my dugout like a bathtub). So did the person next to me. I apologize. I had tossed my clothes off to the side - kind of in the woods - back the way we came here? There were fires going on around the word. They caught some trees near us. I freaked and ran to get my cloths. They were just past some trees that were on fire. We were trying to decide what to do. We knew something bad was coming. A zombie wandered into our camp and someone mashed its brains in. I was asking if my grandmothers place ran on propane. Probably not - most houses switched over. there were little teepees a little in the woods. I almost thought we could stay there but then saw they were miniatures. we would never fit. There was a house a little ways into the woods that we wound up staying at. || A young guy comes to his home. His mother is ecstatic - 'you're alive, he's alive.'. the father gives him an axe to the head. They had never been close... The father figured he had to have been bitten. When he (the son) died he came back almost immediately all gray like. He was put down. Someone had a business card for Buffy. || Older family member - grandfather? - has a bald head from chemo. All this fighting to extend his life and now he dies anyway. He did get to spend a little more time with his loved ones though.

sleep 530am-4pm

I'm asleep at home in bed. My mate calls - I was supposed to pick him up from the airport or train station or something. I call him back - can't get ahold of him. I leave and head towards him. He calls as i'm near a hotel. I pull over. I can't understand him and my phone is dead. I call him on the hotels phone. Somehow as i'm on the phone I leave my purse in the hotel and wander outside and get on a bus. When the bus starts moving I realise what is going on. I'm still on the phone. I pull the cord, but we are on the freeway and aren't stopping for a while. Loki is bitching about me missing his calls and tells me he isn't coming home for a while - work. The bus finally lets off in a kind of major bus pit stop. there are books everywhere but no list of the bus routes - I don't know when the next one that can take me home will be there. A bus arrives, but the scrolling text above it that should tell me where it is bound is missing.

At a weird apartment with my mom and dad. I'm making an egg with fried rice but my mom doesn't want rice. I give her the one egg, apologize and tell her i'll make more. I feel bad because I can't make some for my dad as well because there aren't enough eggs. 'I don't think shes looking in the right fridge' -dad?. sure enough, there is another fridge with tons of food in it. The apartment is all open - one room open to the next open to the next. Makes it easy to rent more rooms.. there is no one living next to us so the openness was never an issue but they were using a fridge in a room that wasn't rented out to us. I was worried the landlady would find out and fine us. There are a few rotten (green insides) eggs I throw away. We had just moved into this place and I have to keep asking where everything is. There is an oven type thing in a island in the kitchen. If you move this piece of metal, you have an oven. If you move it the other way you have a toaster oven. the previous owners left something in the oven - a pizza? Someone there wants coffee, so I go looking. I know we have a coffee maker and coffee somewhere. I found the tea in a cubby hole on the ground of a shelf in a corner. I bitch to my mom about its inaccessibility and start moving them elsewhere. Turns out my parents have tons of coffee, but it isn't where the tea is.

Visiting family - cousins are there. I felt bad because I hadn't gotten anyone presents
fragmented sex dream (completely unrelated to above )

Finally have a fully fleshed out dream again. The first dream I recorded last night was in the dark and only kinda sorta looking at the page - very much asleep. Jottings continued throughout the night till I woke up and wrote the last two out.

Sleep ~230
Wakes: 550 (br), 858 (bioclock kicking in for my 9am alarm), 1030

Almost had sex with Spike (Buffy)/..(some guy i knew in high school TB). People showed up before I could go play. I was texting him on a weird device (looked like one of those old pocket sized electronic games... or mb an old calculator - rubber buttons, small display area) and all of us were using odd objects (one was the body swapping device Faith had (Buffy), but it did something else). A few allowed air mobility - not actual flight though I don't think.

There was cotton like candy. was in the sky. It turned into clouds and changed the scene.

I found/ran into this guy covering up what appeared to be murders. He was fine with being caught and blamed for it - expected it, but he didn't do it. He was trying to destroy the chalk, but I got there before he could. The chalk could change thing - whatever you drew came to be. The gods/fates were going to leave me a piece, but I got too greedy and tried to take more and so all of the chalk went away. I wanted to draw the candy clouds.

The gang (Buffy) and I were arriving somewhere for a normal meeting. Giles told me spike wanted a word. I stayed to harvested a few pieces of waterleaf (terraria) but I couldn't pick them up - inventory full.

Running through a field. I had waited until the 'first god appears'. By this is was meant animal life - I had to wait till it returned to the field. I'm guessing it was spring. When I ran through it I was running past all these animals - bunnies with colorful butterfly like wings being the most memorable. Behind me I saw a huge centaur come out of the woods into the field. I thought 'this is a true god of the forest' and kept going. I saw on the ground some animal tossing ants in front of itself. The ants were fighting... something. apparently the animal's only purpose was to do this every spring.

In an old time prison. We organized an escape with a large distraction. When most of the guards are preoccupied we approach the fence (me and a friend of mine - he becomes my mate later in the dream). There is a guy there with a mat with shoes on it. I ask him why and he says some mystical sounding bullshit that really means nothing but implies that he will shoot us if we go for the fence. I talk to him a little till decides he likes me and tell him we are going to walk along the fence 'so please don't shoot us'. I find the gap and wait until he is distracted to bolt. Two others follow, but I don't pay them much attention. If I don't commit everything to the run I wont get away. It is forested initially. When the forest clears a little I see a town. - well, the industrial side of it anyway. I keep running one direction as much as possible - I dart around impossible to go over objects, but try to correct my course by going the other way around the next obstacle. Every now and then I see one of my fellow convicts following me - I notice that it isn't just my partner following - there is another guy. I have to keep going - get out of range of the patrols. Its getting late and I'm trying to think of where we will stay tonight when I stumble into an alley (very well lit - more of a building that happens to be outside. There are a lot of boxes all over the place - storage area as well as kitchen) where this guy is cooking. He asks me 'cow?' while holding out his hands - he has a smallish piece of meat and a bunch of chopped up veggies. I know I'm going to have to eat after that long of a run and so I consent gratefully. The two others arrive behind me. I try to go spend time with them and my partner pushes me back towards the cook saying something to the effect of 'he is the one feeding you, don't neglect him'. The two of them find some scraps to eat while I go back to the cook. Some time during this I managed to grab a piece of plastic (containing food) that game me a decent cut on my right thumb, about a quarter to half an inch long. I don't remember it really bleeding, but the gash itself was ruby red ((When I woke up the pain of the cut was still there)). They boys point out the guards coming from the entrance behind us. This alley is a dead end and so we give up the idea of running. We try to hide, but there is no where to hide. I can't see the boys from where I am but assume they are recaptured. A male guard finds me first, but then I see a female that worked at the prison ((councilor perhaps?)). I apparently knew her and was appalled by her helping the guards fine me. Betrayed. I jumped her - legs wrapped around her waist to hold me to her as I punched her repeatedly in the face. The first guard pulled me off of her. I tell them teary eyed that I can't go back. I can't live there. I just can't. I would rather die. And so the guard raises his gun and shoots me. I wake up.

definitely don't feel like i'm getting enough sleep - maybe that is hurting my recall more than i thought it would. i'll take some melatonin tonight to get to sleep earlier.
sleep 2am
wake 9am

Found a Harry Potter gun. well, it wasn't the gun itself but blueprints for it. told what material was needed for what part. there was a weird bubbly part at one end made from several different ores. brought it to a group of people that agreed humanity wasn't ready for it. to get to the building they were in I had to pass garbage containers and other objects that could move. 'suspicious looking trash can' (written on it) for example. they followed me/moved when I wasn't looking.
I was swimming at one point (there was an island type deal - i was going in this crevasse to get to the two treasure chests underwater. they started moving (turned into mimics sort of - they still had treasure inside of them if i could pacify them). i think i died and respawned (mimics trapped me underwater). someone there told me i should use some sort of swimming enhancement - speed or fins or water breathing or somesuch ((I've been playing a lot of Terraria on Xbox))
I think the inanimate objects were having a revolt or strike or something. They were still defining themselves by their usefulness to humans however and couldn't carry out their rebellion.

((well, I managed to flesh the fragments out a lot more than I thought I would be able to. Still feel I forgot overly much, but "I think I was swimming at one point" turned into an actual remembrance, so I count it a win))

nearly a dreamless night - luckily i barely pulled these back before getting up
sleep 1230/1am
wake 1030am

Watching a language learning show for children. It used a little dog and some other animals. The longer it went on the more cartoony it was. I was trying to guess a color in one exercise. a different one was flashing through different images of rain and other weather. I was supposed to pick one that was a certain level of wet. Instead I was trying to match the color of the overall picture to a word. The end of the show had the dog playing around pretending to pee on stuff (along with another dog). Then he pulled a bit of ground/grass over himself like a blanket and went to sleep.

The government was after me for something - big brother dystopian government. There was a tracker jacker chasing me. We found out that this specific type of bird food threw their tracking ability off. Some guy in an outdoor class had some and was feeding it to birds in a feeder. After that, I always carried a little bit of the food around to keep the trackers off of me. I was in a bathroom one time with them outside it waiting for me to come out. Someone distracted them long enough for me to get away. They sent a boy after me - made me fall for him and used him against me. They had injected me with something that weakened my will - I was very pliable and prone to weeping after that. They boy I was in love with helped them take me captive. I believe he loved me too, but truly felt he was doing what was in my best interest by taking me captive. They used a boat to take me away from my old life and into their captivity area. I was simply depressed after this. Deep depression - the kind where everything means nothing - don't care enough to do anything. Was mostly naked in a common area - getting to my cloths in a locker of some sort. didn't care though.

Indoors basement like area in a huge complex building. some guys were playing video games in a common room. Maybe guitar hero.

went to sleep a little on the drunk side. finnally getting back to where i notice my wakings during the night. the dreams are still very murky - probably a 4/10, but at least i'm pulling a little more back again.
sleep 130am
wake 440am
wake 730am
wake 1030am

Locked up in a movie theater because someone was heard threatening to blow the place up. I had been trying to get back to the party with my mate. went through a door that was supposed to lead back to the party, but just opened into another theater room. when we tried to go back to keep looking we weren't allowed out. I was having claustrophobia/extreme issues with the restriction. (was crying/panicking and hiding in my mates shoulder)

We all got on this mass transportation thing - me and a friend or two and just random people. It was really really fast cart that traveled through the air like a tram but really really high up (impossibly). one person that seemed squeamish about getting on the tram launched herself out the side - she was dangling from ropes and very much enjoying herself. maybe she was just claustrophobic or something. I dangled a little as well, but it was unintentional - I slipped or something. I was fine - i used her ropes and she supported me a little. i was also enjoying the rush.

There were cats and kittens in a different dream - cant quite seem to place them though. was positive. I keep seeing their adorable little faces.

nothing again from last night, but i took a 2 hour nap around 11 and managed to pull back a decent bit. not going to record them here because all three of them were just me trying to get off - apparently i was really horny when i went to sleep >_< in any case, at least i pulled some back - even if i was only because i took a nap.

Its amazing what a few days of willfully ignoring your dreams can do for long term recall.
I've been going through the buffy series again and all I really remember from the bulk of the dreams last night was that they were about buffy and the characters on the show. As
I was waking up I had a few more snippets, but a week ago that same state of sleep/wake would have pulled a few paragraphs - vivid remembrances. In any case, from my paper DJ:

Buffy. coffee shop closed. world covered with snow, most dreamscape and not characters ((was trying to say that in the dream i was making note especially of the world around me, and that there was little if any focus on people walking around)) spike trying to skate with buffy and angel (he had no shirt/pants, but I couldn't see below the waist anyway). My mind was very busy creating the last 30 min or so. most still faded before i got to the notebook. ((entered later))There were cigarettes smoked at some point.

there were two kittens - one orange one that looked like a cat i used to have (sammy). He got loose and I freaked out. Eventually got him back but he was a little more brown than orange. mostly dirt, but some a natural darkening of his fur as he grew

Had climbed up to the top of this really tall mountain. There was a lot of fog around the edges, so must have been really high up. Was there in a largish group of people (hiking or something I guess). The view was beautiful. The mountain was a giant world tree - the branches running off into the distance. I almost fell once. I was overcome with fear at the edge of a drop (we were really, really high up. Couldn't see anything below us - just a kind of foggy distance).

there was an earlier dream with the tag 'captivity', but its gone now.

12 am S
3 am W drank a strong peppermint tea (three tea bags). back to bed at 330. didn't actually get back to sleep for a while after that
4-430 am S had to be closer to 4 considering all the dreams.
5 am W - nightmare, wrote everything down and went back to sleep an hour later
6 am S
9 am W - final

Had gone to my grandmothers house when she wasn't there ((nothing like their RL house)). I cleaned up some stuff on a counter and when they got home told them I had. 'thats nice dear'. There was someone there they didn't like.
Transition
My grandparents were no longer around and the house was a little different. K and B were behind a bar and in a kitchen. Me, L, and random guy were in the living room. ...sexins ensue... i'm invited to play with K and B and go around to do so. i cant seem to kiss K right - something just keeps feeling 'off'.
Transition
I'm in some sort of apartment. The guy 'next to' us (it was kind of embedded in our apartment and connected to another apartment network as well (used shadow memory of a previous dream to briefly touch on what that network looked like - I was never there in the dream)). had just installed an awesome AC system. The controls were in our apartment though. Apparently they had to wire it that way because of the buildings design. They guy there came out and talked with me, my mate, and a friend of his. They all started talking about some game and/or the computer. At some point I was outside the apt along with the neighbor guy. One of my cats (oci) was there as well - he slinked back into the apt - clearly uncomfortable where he had been. i think i was smoking outside. while the guys were looking at a comp, I started focusing on a magazine. I got about 1/3 - 1/2 way in when it got to the main article. It was all on a movie that was coming out soon. It was filled with gory shot after gory shot - all stark whites and reds. It started with an image of a chick kinda grainy and turning her head - very reminiscent of the grudge. I told my mate that I wouldn't be able to see this movie - too disturbing. I keep flipping though and the article doesn't end - the rest of the magazine is nothing but those disturbing images. I close the magazine.

Spoiler for Nightmare:

she is lying on the floor - coming for me. I freak out. I try to stab her in the head with something, but she doesn't react. I have something sharp and I cut off her head and toss it (after imagining her holding it). She is still reaching for me - I'm terrified. I chop her hands off - with a lot of difficulty - she is wiggling around a bunch still trying to 'get me' as i'm doing my best to pin her while chopping. She still seems to be coming for me somehow. Despite the lack of hands she seems to be able to grip a tiny bit. I'm hysterical at this point. I go for the window - its smallish and high up - as if we are in a basement. Its as i'm opening this window and she is reaching for me that I realize this must be a dream and immediately wake myself. I could feel myself creating the next part of the dreamscape - parking lot and cars. There was super creepy heavy base music to go along with her coming after me. ((there was no thought at all of turning on her. The terror sensation lasted a bit into waking life - lots of RCs. I'm still a little shaken up (this is at ~530/6 when i'm writing this) and uncertain about my ability to go back to sleep))

((this dream was really confusing to write - the location kept changing in my memory. i might have been mixing two different timelines))
There was some sort of fungus being spread on all the pot crops - government conspiracy. Wanted to find and hide the little bit that I had, but the cops got there too soon. They weren't after pot though. Eventually it was just a large group of people being held in a smallish space At some point in the dream the space was larger - like two houses to either side, one above, and a common area in between. Some of the 'prisoners' were organizing a resistance. They met up above. There was a slip of paper with someones # hidden on it. I was trying to find it and somehow call them - they could end this captivity. They guys name was Travis or Tailor or some other T word - I don't think it was actually a name, but it slipped away quickly. A person's head was snapped in front of me by invisible hands - she knew too much and was going to spread that knowledge. A friend was getting pulled out of the captivity 'room'. She was special in some way - had money or friend in really high places. They said they were neither holding nor not holding her and moved her elsewhere (i'm assuming somewhere nicer).


((So, i'm thinking that the Peppermint tea Definitely had an effect on my dreams. Dont know if i will ever try that again though as the nightmare was extremely vivid and disturbing.))

((oh yeah, when i was writing in my DJ after waking up at 9, i realized i had tool's song parabola running through my head))

sleep at 1130/1200
wake 3/330 - back to sleep ~4 minor waking ~5 and final waking at 9
took some menthol last night at my first waking - meant to take like 30mg, but after the first cough drop i knew the others weren't going down. so, only got ~10mg. don't think it really effected my dreams. mb i'll just start making myself peppermint tea during a WBTB.

~5 Zombie dream - don't seem to remember much of it anymore (should have used more tags). Zeke (my cat) showed up in three different parts of the dream - just camping by my feet ((he seems to come into my dreams quite often - probably the most likely candidate for a 'shared dream', but no way of confirming it >_<)). i used a key or some other really small thing in my hand to try and pierce one of the Z's brain. It didn't penetrate deep enough, so I used a long pole to pierce the soft spot in the back of the throat and into the brain.

Unknown time - I checked an alarm clock. Then I checked it again. The numbers kept being screwed up so I kept checking it. It kept being screwed up. So I figured 'oh, i must be in a dream'. the whole dream was in my apartment ((this is really odd - don't usually dream places that i'm in a lot. ex- i dream a lot of a house i grew up in, but i didn't dream of that house when i lived there)). I floated around a little - just playing with bodyless space. my mate was there as well - its like we were both disembodied ... he was complaining that he had been waiting for me to 'wake up' for a while.

no idea if that was a true lucid that i lost very quickly or really was more of a 'dreamed i was lucid' situation. its... fuddled in memory.

Went to sleep around 10pm slept ~11hrs

(+3h)1am
I was keeping someone knocked out for something. "taking advantage of". I think it had to do with dreams.

(+8h,+5h)6am
I had to protect myself. there were two other guys in this dream. i bought a short sword/long dagger but i had been looking for a spear/??? ((was thinking of a quarterstaff with a blade on it - probably Matt's weapon from Wheel of Time)). we were in a room of a larger complex. set up camp there - beds and everything. the two guys were in a different room ...playing video games? i had stepped out of our little dark room and into the main hall. i saw a guy and was startled - i 'eeped' and ran back into my room to get my dagger. the guy figured that with my response i had to have been up to no good, so he followed me. our confrontation was a little one sided. he had overpowered me while questioning me. i was pinned to the ground with my dagger useless beside me and was about 5 inches away from him kissing me when my mate and his friend came in (the two guys from earlier) came in and broke us up. i felt slightly guilty because i hadn't asked for permission to play even if the other guy wasn't really giving me a choice in the matter.

Someone was walking behind me toting a cart overflowing with junk. i believe they were RC devices/dream symbols/totems/etc.

(+11h,+8h,+3h)9am
Action. Attempting to kill someone - there is a firefight all around. this one guy isn't human (or at least has otherworldly armor) and cant be killed with guns. i try to blow him up by giving him a small bomb. it is either a dud or he destroys it before it can go off. i try to buy another one - need 3 parts and they are all 20,000 each. someone alerts me to my yellow skin - i don't have much more time to complete my mission.

i'm getting dressed for school (have the sensation of running late) in (sort of) the house i grew up in. my mom is there - someone had rented out my room ((Happened irl - i was in a different bedroom at the time)). my mom wound up buying back the offshoot room but the renter didn't really care because it was full of junk anyway - some of it mine some not. anyway, getting dressed and all my normal clothes are dirty - i wind up getting old cloths and clothes my mom had gotten me but i had never warn. i wind up in a rather skimpy shirt and jeans. i think the shirt had kid rock on it. definitely something my mom would wear - slightly see through - button up in front - black. i rummaged through my mom's closet as well. there was something with the candles upstairs.

someone was reading my dream journal and telling me how pretty my handwriting was. ((this is really odd because my handwriting is all but unreadable most of the time - esp when just waking up. he was, however, not commenting on the legibility, simply that it was 'pretty'))

1.there was something to do with bdsm.. like a party or maybe just someone talking about it. ((was a non-rem dream - in the first 3 hours of sleep - very short. it was linking from last nights party.))
2.i stole/borrowed a usps truck because i was late for something. later obama was there and i was in trouble.
3.((later in the night/morning, but probably connected to #2 anyway)) i was being questioned for the numbers to a safe. i was in trouble for something, but not exactly 'in custody'.
((f'ing neighbor had her radio up REALLY loud - pissing me off and making me less than inclined to focus on my dreams))

I feel like i was aware of the fact that i was dreaming most of last night, but was too damn tired to force a more active lucidity (stayed up ~4 hours later than my body wanted to).

woke up knowing i had been dreaming of zombies (played the first bit of the walking dead game before bed), but not much else. watching a youtube video about owls flying sparked the following recollection.

I had this little motorized winged gadget that is meant to help one fly. there was a spot in the woods that had awesome updrafts - enough to get me flying unassisted (more of a gliding thing - couldn't go long distances. going up takes a LOT of effort, and the forward movement is mostly gliding/making use of updrafts). i had to go somewhere far away, so i figured stealing one of the flyers (the winged gadget) would help get me there. When I used it in the updraft place however, it shot me up too heigh too fast. it was slightly frightening, but mostly inconvenient as i couldn't see where to go. i had a male friend with me at some point. vaguely fairly like (we were)... were on someones roof - the someone else's patio - used their comp/radio/etc for music.
-
a secret base for...? abnormal people - deep underground. there is a valve like tube to get there. usually solid, but if you know how to get there, you can make it open and admit you. there might have been a fire there at some point - well contained. i thing i stole/borrowed the flying device from them. the mission was probably also from them. it was in a place way to the north - on a coast.