ZenLD

I'm going to write it while I feel like it. To strike while the iron's still hot they say. It is better. So much better. After applying what I'd written yesterday that is.

A peculiar feeling. As I of my own did nothing, the fish came upon my bait by itself. It was sort of effortless. Well, more effortless than the previous practice.

I did sort of a comparison between the old and a few while doing something. And the new one was just, it performed better by miles on the first try already. So I decided to do it a couple of times more and see how much I could maintain it.

The first highest number was around 200 (~210). Which was very interesting now that I think back on it. Because I'd counted inside my dream before while lucid. And guess how far up I counted? 200. So I felt like this sort of correlated with how much lucidity I could maintain. The next peak was around 400 (~420). I tried again while doing another activity (shovelling snow) and I maintained it for the entirety of the duration plus before starting it, and after ending it. I ended up stopping at 1200 since I felt like I didn't want to overwork myself this time. But 1200! It didn't take very long to get such a huge leap of improvement.

One weakness though, of this is that I'd need to vocalize internally or externally the number. So I'm having a tough time maintaing it as I type away these words. And another is when I may be doing mathematical calculations or something, it feels like it interrupts or overlaps with the counting of numbers. How would I overcome these weaknesses?

(talking appears to be easier to maintain than writing)

Dreams:

LDs ( 3 FA, stayed lucid)
School, english style wooden old one
Noticed my mother and father there
Very vivid.. checked fingers... 5 then stared into 6 slowly, persistent dream
FAS
- 1 in different spot of the school, near 3 chairs
- 1 in some sort of apartment building that included roommates but they weren't present
- 1 in bed
Meditated 2-3 times (Didn't have a dream goal). I spun around 2 of the times

I can't remember if I had another dream as I had to get up pretty abruptly.

I'm sort of coming up with a new awareness training idea. I decided to write it out so it'll I'd remember to apply the idea later on.

The problem with my old system of rating my awareness was that I had to take pauses in between to measure my score. This sort of gave pauses in between what I did that gave more room to lose awareness.

I noticed that during the day, about 80%, I'd find myself (automatically) regaining awareness or doing sort of what I did every 3-4 events. So It's sort of like a regaining the present awareness. There were some times where I'd lose this 3-4, where I'd become emotional or something like that. I did my best to stay aware and notice what the source of the sleeping autopilot and... It's something like attachment I guess. To emotion or things, past or future? I don't know exactly. It's like not the act of feeling it but how I react to feeling or events. It's sort of like the un-attachment that skipper was talking about probably. But I guess I'm discovering it or rediscovering it through the hard way by experience.

So my idea for a new awareness training is to just count the number of times - well two ideas perhaps. Count the number of times I got unaware or I got aware. Use that as a score. I will have to test it out and see how it goes. But the idea of counting the number of unawareness isn't really new, it's just like the prayer beads that monks use to count the number of times they lost their mindfulness or something.

But the other problem I had with the previous practice was that I needed something to write down my score. And it might have been not ideal, as I was anchoring this increased awareness to writing, and I can't always have time or situation to note it down.

Is it more important to notice the surroundings or the emotions? Maybe the noticing of emotions should be - or better be described as noticing attachments?

BUT I also need a way to break the cycle of attachments on top of that. Say, to stop the mind from wandering after getting distracted- or like simply a new default mode network or thought process to implant after noticing myself getting attached?

One at a time? Or both at once? Perhaps cycling them would be nice. Practice one on some days and practice the other on the rest.

Or maybe just do nothing at all - just let things unfold on it's own. And all I need to do is to just- ...be?

Dreams
School ukulele May 4 hr ish
AP BED re outside storm vivid

Don't feel like DJ but will write out notes to expand for later if that seems more interesting later.

2020 11 28
Zombie rounds, waypoint, redo + failed (gun doesn't work, short knife)
Crocodile school lady chicken
ff7 like
Paul yugioh - message : be yourself

-meditation sloppy

11 29
Triad/mafia comedy hands (stephen chow - story about a young man being mistake for a gang leader)
Run away pedestrian roads waterfountain "karen" (hive mind)
+
lucid moment (oh I"m dreaming)

thought: awareness + feeling brings it about

11 30

1 lucid moment (noticing awareness)
some dream, no note - remember now. MOm backyard, MOLES stabbed. Girl dad knife stabbed poison kidnapped. Detective POV now. (knife short again - reoccurring theme)
2 lucid moments dream vision + something else (was awareness)

-find your own way... be yourself.
-wbtb alternative? (background voice?)