ZenLD

"The temptation to give up is the strongest right before you succeed"

I know I must be doing it right then. Just like last time I wanted to give up.

Bearing my heart open now and it pains me. The pain is so great. Especially when you truly want something. When you truly put all your heart into it. Even more so with what appears so elusive.

Many will give up from this pain. Many will give up their true desires, whatever their dreams may be. But this pain of growth is only temporary. But the pain of regret would last forever. Whatever the spiritual beliefs, if the soul be immortal, perhaps the regret makes you come back... To the cycle of reincarnation, knowing very well that the physical entails with its many innate flaws.

Nevertheless the pain is real. To be truly lucid, and fully aware of it all, makes it all the greater. To keep the eyes peeled when you must face that monster, and stare at it right in the eyes.

That monster is me. Of all my regrets and all the times previous I have given in to that pain. And that monster will grow yet still, if I give in again.

The monster is not so scary after all. It is just lonely, it wants to be loved, and play with you after all. An angel, a blessing in disguise .

I give up. I give up on giving up. I'm tired of failing. So instead I'll just succeed. Because I'm even more tired of giving up.

Success is neigh because the temptation has never been greater.

I give up looking the other way.

Practice. Practice. Keep practicing. Before b you know, it you're already there.

Shadow work. Do it everyday.


DJ
1 dream, Chinese people modded d3 game. Barbarian. Low to high res.

Catching my fingers in slightly different position in bed, being too aware and awoke.

Should I stop coming to DV? Seeing people giving up was negatively affecting me.

Should I stop gravity rc? I said 14 days so I should follow up. Is it worth the stress? Next time I catch myself focusing on body part when something weird happens I'll focus on gravity. That will keep me away from focusing too much on body.

Hahh.. Just told myself this.

MILD. Do more mild.

It snowed last night, but winter will soon end.
Might snow one more time. It rained before that so I couldn't mediate outside. Need to take vitamin d or find a way to get more sun. That affects my mood.

Summer is coming.

Just learned how to edit DJ! This is great!

Be more aware instead of focusing. Focusing too much wakes .Just be aware.. Like aware of gravity, breath or thought

Lucid dream all the time!