Just Another Dream Journal

I am not an emotional person in life. I might get angry and grumble, but unless there is ABSOLUTELY no other way, I do not yell. And when I'm sad- even grievously sad- I almost never break down in tears.
When my grandmother died several years ago (I was closer to her than to my mother), I held her hand as she drew her last breaths. And when it was all said and done, I couldn't sit still. I had to clean and organize everything.
So, all that said, emotional dreams are exceptionally interesting to me.

In one dream, my brother (whom I have never been close to in real life) had died. It was confusing... he died of something like West Nile Disease, but he had also been caught in flood waters where he ultimately died. He had been in the water for a day before he was discovered. When someone (?) broke the news to me, I hit the floor on my knees- tearing at my clothes and wailing.

Interpretation: I have no idea. I have never wanted a richer relationship with him. We are completely different people. I love him in a sibling sort of way but he's never been so much as "friend" to me. I don't mourn the lack of a relationship I never had. To me, relatives = chaos (i.e. DRAMA) and sadness so I keep my distance without actually shunning anyone.

The other dream was of me in a car at first. I left my 4 kids in the car for something like 6 hours. I have no idea what I was doing at the time, but their bio-dad ended up getting them. My kids were really young. My oldest is now 18 years old, but in the dream he was around 5. In the dream, my ex-hubby thought they had only been in the car for 1 hour and I wasn't about to set him straight!
His dad was there, trying not to get involved. But I could tell he did NOT approve of what I had done.
My ex-hubby then started giving me hell about how I was raising the kids and I blew a gasket.
My voice was very raised as I told him we hadn't seen or heard from him at all in several years so he had NO right to jump my case and tell me how horrible a mom I am.
Then the dream switched somehow and we were arguing about a manuscript I was writing. I told him I was open to ideas and criticism and at that he threw his hands in the air and turned to his dad who just casually rolled his eyes at the "logic" of women.

Interpretation: No sure. I still have some anger toward him for abandoning us... but in truth, he rarely ever even crosses my mind.
So, does he represent the man I'm now married to? They're both very controlling and demeaning at times... my ex was never there as a father and my current hubby has never been a father to my kids either. But I'm older now, just a tad bit wiser lol, and I'm not quite the doormat I used to be. I now tell my hubby when something he does or says upsets me. My biggest problem, though, is with finances and I brain-washed myself so thoroughly as a child that I still find it exceedingly difficult to hard-ball over my allowance. He has the job. He's worked all his life. I'm a slacker who plays facebook games all day. I have no right to make a fuss about anything... Or so I tell myself.
I always wanted to be a novelist but it's slipped away. Hubby kind of scoffs whenever I've mentioned writing. So, I connect writing with creativity AND financial freedom (yeah right, I know lol). The first part of the dream was me screaming about how the men like to give orders and complain, but they've never BEEN there so they should shut the heck up.
This interpretation feels true. I was yelling in the dream because I'm ever the mediator, so even when I'm unhappy about something, I sugarcoat the issue when I really just want to scream or punch a wall.

In one dream, a few days ago, I was some random female DC. I had been raped. The man then stuck fishing hooks into my arms and legs. He strung me up, then sat on me like a chair. Then I was attached to a "zip line" and he rode me to the bottom of a hill. I asked him to please stop. That it hurt. He went somewhere (?) and I removed the hooks from my arms, but when I tried removing the ones in my legs I couldn't. The barbs were too large and I was still attached to a line.
I don't recall what happened after that.

In another dream, a few days back, I dreamed of walking through my hubby's house, looking at his art glass. I was trying to teach someone (?) the different types and styles. One of his modern pieces was broken as well as one of his older vases. It saddened me.

Other than those, my dreams have been typical: large houses, zombie apocalypse, airports, flying, drowning, driving out of control, yadda yadda yadda.

Why do I have the same freagin dream themes? It seems more pervasive than other's dreams.

Last night I only recall snippets. I dreamed of my p-doc and his brother. They both had a daughter from the same woman. I don't recall how I fit into dream.
I also dreamed of being in the RV, but the driver was too close to the edge of a cliff and we fell off into a body of water. Don't recall anything else.

Then I took a nap earlier for a couple of hours.
In it, I was at an airport (surprise, surprise). I had been looking through some shops and was interested in buying some things. Some items were books and others were hand held games.
Then I was outside, sitting in some waiting area. I was trying to sneak a smoke. A bunch of interesting people sat near me from time to time. One was an artist.
Then a wealthy woman (?) showed up and I was expected to go with her. We got onto some sort of trolley and I talked to her about the great crowds. I told her the only people I didn't see were Jehovah's Witnesses. I expected some snide or "funny" remark, but she instead asked me how long I had been apart from them.
There was bitterness in my voice as I told her "way too long" but smoking was my demon and I had no desire to quit any time soon, and I saw sorry in her eyes for me.

That's all I recall.

The only dream I recall from last night involved me eating rotten bread.
I worked on a talisman earlier yesterday, so I'm sure the dream was a religious message from my subconscious.

That's it.

I don't remember all of them (thank goodness) but they were awful.

In one dream, my rabbit, Cuddlebug had crawled into some tube. The tube became tiny and it was somehow pressurized. It could unscrew but I always confuse my left from my right. Instead of loosening it, I tightened it and I felt a pop and my hands became wet with blood. I killed my pet and cried a lot- cursing my stupidity.

In another dream, it was a zombie apocalypse. I was running through the large house I always dream about. My youngest daughter was attacked and I didn't hesitate in killing her. I struck fast, but didn't complete the job. She laid on the ground before me, with a dazed expression on her face. Then she became a size just a little larger than a barbie dolll. I sawed of her head and then my grief consumed me.
Then I worried about how to conceal her body in case the world wasn't ending and the State stopped by.
That dream continued for a long time, but I've forgotten most of the details.
I was on a train at some point, and everyone marveled my stupidity.

That's it.

Oh yeah, but night before last, I dreamed I went back in time. I saw my younger self at the age of about 6. Then it dawned on me I wasn't that person. I was someone else, even though I still resembled her.

but my recall doesn't do them justice. My brain seems... ???... incapable of recalling all the detail of my dreams.

The last one I had was amazing. It spanned what FELT like several generations, but that was only because I relived the story in countless ways in two worlds. The book, Dune (which I'm currently reading) inspired a lot of it.
I was on a desert planet (though not always). I was some random male DC who wanted to propose to his girl. But something always interfered. In the world I was from, it was "normal"- full of life and green. But something always happened to send me to that other barren planet. My girl would be with me. One time, we were walking down a road and were ambushed. I "woke" myself up and was sent to my home world before I could die. But I would have no or very little memory of what happened in the barren world. Every time I was about to propose, I would be sent to the other world. Every time, something bad happened and I nearly died, only to return to my own world with no memory. It was extremely frustrating.
Several times, I was in a Fort of sorts. It was booby-trapped and I was injured in countless ways, only to "wake up" before dying. Some man was pursuing me during most of the dream on the barren world. In the last scene, we were trapped in a room in the Fort. The doors sealed us in. I could see the dart traps and tubes rose from the floor which would release poisonous gasses. But somehow, I lived and the bad guy died. I was able to propose, but we were stuck on the barren world. I knew if I went back to my world, I would forget everything and be doomed to live without her.

Another dream was of the large house I frequently dream about. There were the secret passage tunnels in the floor and this time, I actually used them. I was running from someone and there were others with me. I showed them the tunnels/tubes and sent them through. At one time, I used one myself, but I had to return to the house and the second time I was forced out some other way.
I recall a balcony. I was trapped, so I flew to a nearby rooftop. I laid against the roof, but the bad guy (a young black woman) saw me eventually. She released a dart which went through the building and roof and almost struck me. But I moved at just the right time.
I don't recall how the dream ended.

Early in the evening, I dreamed of driving my van. My oldest son was in the back and someone else (?) was in the front passenger seat. The road was treacherous and I ended up falling off a steep cliff. I realized then, all my kids were in the car with me. I told them all I loved them and that I was sorry. Then, the drivers seat was on the other side and I was directly in front of my oldest son. Our combined weight, made the car tilt to the right and I became terrified of the pain. I screamed that I didn't want the car to land like that. But it did. I marveled that I wasn't in any pain, but it was then that I realized we were all dead.
I woke up.

I also dreamed of being at a movie theater. After the show, I wanted some smokes and food, so hubby and I ordered some. But we had to give our selection to the chef to cook. He said it would be done in an hour and a half and I was greatly annoyed at the delay. He said he was the only person working on Sunday- that they were normally closed. Hubby was surprisingly very patient.
That's all I recall.

I'm back on my Seroquel, for anxiety, and my dreams last night and this morning were amazing.

Let's see... where to begin.

Last night, I dreamed of talking with my JW [Jehovah Witness] friend. She lit up a cigarette (I was already smoking) and I cocked my head at her. I asked if she was sure she wanted to do that and she said yeah. It was only a half-jobby. Another JW walked in and was obviously uncomfortable. She (?) soon left and I told Roxanna she would be in trouble for talking with me and for smoking. She told the lady before she left that she was putting the cigarette out. That she prayed and found she hadn't needed it after all. She was asking the woman not to tell on her, but I knew it was pointless.
Then the room filled up with JW's. They were having a meeting in the room we had been smoking in lol There was a new member who started to come over and introduce herself to me, but I held my head in shame and the woman walked away.

Later, I was in a car with 3 Brothers [JW's]. There was Bob M, Frank B. and another guy I either don't remember or who was just a random DC. Each of them started smoking half-jobbies. I asked them what was going on, if I was somehow being set up for some sort of life lesson. I started to give them my excuses for turning my back on returning to the congregation: My house is still a mess, my daughters give me constant grief, I need to smoke to calm my nerves. But before I could open my mouth to say any of those things, I sadly smiled and told them "I get it". Whatever I could say is just a lame excuse, and there is no excuse for turning your back- not on returning to the congregation in so much- but on turning your back on God.

Shut up brain. When I woke up, I lit a cigarette. I'm not ready to return just yet.

I also dreamed something about the RV's but I lost them.
I also had an epic dream which I've forgotten

I was still sleepy, so I went back to bed.
I had an epic dream. I was at an airport (surprise, surprise), but this time, I actually boarded the plane. I fell right to sleep and when I woke, I was in China or Japan. I told my hubby that wasn't possible, that I'm a heavy smoker and would have noticed. But I gave sway to the dream as usual.
We were separated, and as I exited the plane, I noticed I had a huge turd hanging from my butt. I walked strangely until I could safely let it fall without being noticed. I wanted to pick it up and dispose of it, but people were coming and I wasn't ready for the embarrassment *ewwwww* lol.
Most of the rest of the dream occurred in restrooms. I walked into a public restroom that was for both sexes and I nearly fell over from shock. There were people of both sexes crowding the area. In every corner there was someone getting a hand job, a blow job, or just having sex. I just wanted to use the bathroom lol but there wasn't a stall available.
Back in our room, we were ordering food and the housekeeper was telling us she'd charge $40. extra if she had to remove our food from our room. She said, when we were finished, we should leave it outside, not in the room.
Hubby ran into someone he knew and they talked shop for awhile. I went back to the restroom, and everything was quiet.
It went on like that for some time, but I've forgotten the rest.

Then the dream became another one and I was talking to a little girl. She asked what association was, then she kept falling off the back of the couch, but I kept catching her. I thought about calling her Sunshine, but that didn't quite fit. So for the next several minutes, her mom and I kept trying to come up with the names of some clowns. The little girl liked one called Amber. So I started calling her "Amber". She giggled and asked why. I told her she acts like a clown so I associate her with clowns because they're funny. Then she understood what association meant.

The dream changed again and I was back at the airport, only the airplane went back and forth through time. I hate that I've forgotten most of the story, but the gist of the dream was that I was traveling to undo some wrongs my father had committed. I was a random DC for this part of the dream. Sometimes I was male, or female and once I was a male child. A lot of times, the wrong committed was that my father did nothing at all to stop an injustice he could have prevented. One time, it was simply showing an act of kindness to a woman who was gravely ill.
At the end of the dream, someone became aware we weren't the people we said we were, but I woke up before I could see the dream through.

Curse my brain and it's sudden fascination with outright symbolism. It knows I don't appreciate those sorts of dreams, so the messages from my dreams are usually more direct.
I'll have to think on these some.

I had at least one really bad dream last night.. I don't recall all of it. I caught my ex-hubby in bed with an old friend, Florence. They were just sleeping but I had the feeling more had went on. I screamed at him, saying it was NOT acceptable and I wasn't going to take it- that if I found out he was screwing around on me I would make him pay. I said something about finding one of his friends to screw.
I was at my grandmother's house and I walked from one end of it to another, yelling at him and crying. Florence smirked and rolled her eyes at me.
Then there was a shift in the dream. I was a man, trying to have rough sex with some woman. We were standing up in the kitchen and nothing I tried worked.

In another dream, the bottom of my left foot was severely cut to the point my heel was peeled away. I was in a lot of pain and tried to find a doctor.

In another dream, I was flying and singing. I don't recall the song, but I was very peaceful.

Another dream was about being at an airport; another was about a large building; there were dogs in one dream or another.

The other day, I had another dream about the large house that's an ever-so-persistent theme. There was a secret passage to the basement, as per normal, but there were safes in the basement that I couldn't access. The higher up in the house I went, the bigger the messes and more profound the clutter.
That dream HAS to be symbolic! The basement could easily be my subconscious but what about the higher levels? What am I hiding from myself?

I had an awesome dream last night. While I was dreaming, I became lucid and I vaguely recall thinking my dream reminded me of Inception (which I was with hubby last night). But my kids stormed my room and were persistent about waking me and I lost most of the dream.
All I remember (and that barely) about the dream itself was of flying.

I need to get a lock for my room lol

But I still frequently woke when kids came in my room to get on the computer or try to steal my smokes etc.

I recall several dreams, but only bits and pieces from each.

In one, I dreamed of my Uncle Troy and his son Troy Lee. I don't recall the last time I even thought of them... well, I guess I did for a second yesterday in the Lounge. Anyhow, in the dream, I was time traveling. There was a guy (?) and I wanted to have sex with him because I knew he was about to die and I wanted a kid by him. I couldn't go through with it though.

In another dream, I was flying. Some strange backpack allowed me to do so. I flew low a lot and worried about someone taking the backpack off of me, so I tried to come up with a way to place stronger straps on it. I was in an airport for most of that dream. I passed a lot of people and enjoyed showing off. At one point, I was being chased and passed a woman with a baby. I was trying to fly out a small window but a wall was in my way. The wall rotated when pushed, though, and I got through.

In another dream, I was in a grocery store. Bob M, one of the elders at the KH worked there. I went over to talk to him and he became younger. We were talking about martial arts and I said I would like to take it again, and he said to go for it, but I reminded him that our religion discourages such.

In another dream, I was at a Druid Ring in EQ2. I couldn't find some place I always go (the name escapes me). I teleported somewhere else and there was a high level Death Knight beside me. I quickly teleported somewhere else but it was a level 90 area and local pests almost killed me. I teleported back to the first place and the Knight was gone so I went out to harvest some goods. And then I saw him again lol.
>>I had that dream because my time will run out tomorrow and I wont be able to play again for a couple of weeks.

In another dream, I was breast feeding a baby girl.

In another dream, I was at my hubby's front door, and our dog Brooke was loose. I kept "tsting" her away because my hubby dislikes animals but she was persistent.
>>I dreamed that because when I fed the dogs yesterday, they kept jumping on me despite my "tsts".

I also had a typical dream about a large building, running, and trying to hide corpses.

I've been having absolutely epic dreams, but I wake up quickly or in a bad mood (being disturbed) and lose them all.
I've been dreaming a lot about my ex-husband... about him being victimized, or trying to find work, or having to pay too much child support (yeah right, he only pays $250 a month total for 4 kids). I've dreamed of his family, of my family, of the same ole same ole- buildings and zombies/bad guys/monsters/attackers unknown; flying and watching for power lines; aliens; children; messes.

This morning, though, was a first for me. I didn't get to sleep until around 8:30AM and I made the terrible mistake of eating Dark Chocolate Raisinettes before sleeping. I kept waking up, choking on Acid The only dream bit I recall is of crocheting lol. I was working on a new pattern for a choker. There was a completed choker that I really liked, but the n it suddenly became too big and bulky. I saw other patterns and tried duplicating them but had to keep starting over.
>>I've been thinking a lot about crocheting lately. I wish I had more talent than I do and that I could read instructions and patterns instead of having to wing it. My recent focus has been chokers, but I also find it interesting that I was actually choking throughout the dream lol

I went to sleep last night before midnight. I didn't wake up until 2:30.

I remember a dream about my missing cat, Rogue. He was very scruffy and somewhat feral, but he remembered me
I had another dream about flying and navigating through the power lines.
And another dream about zombies. They were breaking into a building I was hiding in. It was opening up the door and I had the knob and was pulling the door shut. I kept looking for something to help and saw a bungie strap on the floor, but I couldn't reach it. Then there was a peep hole in the wall and a zombie was looking in on me. Before I knew it, the zombie at the door busted through and started attacking me.

>>The peephole came from watching "Cover Me".

I fell asleep by about 1AM and woke for the last time at 9AM. My kids woke me only a couple times and the weather woke me once.

What I recall of my dreams:
An airport. I was going on a trip with hubby but I forgot my suitcase. I went back to our room (the hotel was in the airport) and I realized I had forgotten my suitcase at home. I went through the laundry and stuffed my carry-on with clothes. I got back to the airport line and realized I forgot my DSi. I went back to the room, worried I wouldn't find the room. It's number was something like 999[square]99.
Then I noticed I had a mustache I tried shaving it with either a broken tictac container or broken tape dispenser.
Then I realized the apartment was my grandmothers house and I started cleaning some messes.

In another dream, I was dating my first true love, Robert M. I was looking for his house so I could tell him goodbye (I was moving). My kids were with me and they spotted his car.

In another dream, I was flying by riding something that resembled 2 rolls of toilet paper. I had to get to the airport but I wasn't ready to leave wherever I was at. I was near a forest as well as an ocean. As I flew, I passed several bears and in the water were several crystal formations. I passed under a tree and became covered in spider webs.
I had to get back to the airport and I told someone I wish I could see the things I did when I was awake.
I passed one of the Elders from the KH. Only his name wasn't Gary but something starting with an "E". His name was still only 4 letters though. I was dressed up but heading in the opposite direction as Gary, and then more people from my Congregation. They were heading towards an auditorium for a religious convention. I was heading to an auditorium for a work related conference with my hubby. I wondered how the hotel could book 2 large conferences at the same time.

In another dream, I was waiting in a horrendously long line.
In another, I was at a grocery store buying food. The owner was selling cooked rat which he still had to "skunk" (lol- not smoke, but skunk)

That's all I remember.

>>The bears and crystal formations came from playing EQ2
The dream about my Congregation and Elder came from seeing the Elder 2 days ago.
The rat came from our recent rat troubles
I don't know about the rest.

I fell asleep at about 2AM and woke for the last time at around 11:30AM My kids and my bladder woke me frequently. I only recall bits and pieces of my dreams.

In one dream, there was a very large rat near me. I wasn't afraid of it at all and pet it.
In another dream, I moved (?) and my kids were younger and missed a week of school. I was in school too and lost money for missing. I have the lingering impression that we were running away from someone.
In another dream, I was living with my grandmother. She was bald and her house was extremely messy from my kids. I was trying to clean everything but she was still very disappointed in me.
In another dream, I was flying. I recall tall buildings and fighting some evil force.

>>I dreamed of the rat, because right before I fell asleep we discovered we have rats living somewhere in the trailer (probably the AC vents). Our cats have killed 2 or 3.
>>I dreamed of my grams because I was crocheting yesterday and one of my daughters asked how I learned and I told them my grandmother taught me.
>>I frequently dream of messy houses because they are the bane of my existence.
Don't know about the rest, other than they are recurring themes. As far as missing school, my kids did miss a lot but it's summer. I was never paid for going to school, but it's a recurring theme none-the-less.

I crashed hard last night.
The only dream snippet I recall is of photographing a naked woman. I vaguely recall it being sexual (porno?) but I was focused on her stomach. She was VERY trim and thin and I was jealous.

**Edit**
Oh yeah... I also recall spinning. I don't remember why I was doing it, but I loved it. I moved as smoothly as I would with skates on but it was just my feet.