Thread: Smudgefish's Workbook

Got to write my plans for learning from last nights failed reality check (I can't stop thinking about it):

My bright idea that I would 'just know' if I was dreaming and not need a reality check is obviously incorrect so I need to work on my reality checking.

The memory check didn't work. It's too vague and easy to fail. I will keep it in mind and probably use it if I'm not sure, but I'm going to plan to use more physical and immediately obvious checks instead. I was wondering if trying to change something in the dream would be a more impressive check? For instance trying to change the colour of the sky, or a door or wall, and if it worked there wouldn't be much doubt I was dreaming (although having said that even seeing 6 fingers on one hand failed, and it has failed once in the past as well although then I wasn't really doing a reality check I just noticed I had only 3 fingers in passing). Any advice appreciated.

I'm really positive now that things are working and penetrating into my dreams and trying to keep that positivity going.

This is exciting!!

For 2 nights now had very poor dream recall. Maybe it's a rebound from making some progress the other night. Bit disappointing as I thought I had cracked it and would start questionning reality in dreams more regularly now.

Never mind, I'm RCing like mad now and I know what it feels like to do it for real in a dream, and I'm more aware that I could really be dreaming even if it feels completely like waking life, so I just keep going and trying not to lose the momentum. I know it's going to take a lot of hard work yet.

I did an experiment last night. I can bring on HI very easily. When I went to bed I started to bring on the imagery and watched it - it was incredibly detailed, I hovered over a pond and saw all the detail of the lillies, and the ripples on the water and the plant life below. I moved around a garden seeing the detail on the surface of stones and pathing. I found that if I looked to the side of the imagery I could see everything there and it sort of filled itself in. Then I saw sheets of sparkling vivid colours which turned into a tunnel and I flew along it watching formations move at speed past me, all in amazng detail, and I could feel the momentum and speed. I wondered if I could make it form into a dream but remained very concious of my real body and breathing all the time, so couldn't make it become anything else, and it remained just like watching a film.
I will keep eperimenting with this as it's probably a way to get into a WILD if I can just allow myself to fall asleep whilst doing it.

My dream recall remains very poor and I am only remembering dream fragments.

I had an interesting dream last night. It was all about flying and having superpowers and I could do all the things that the characters in the film 'Chronicle' could do. I moved a car by willpower, picked someone up by willpower and threw him around a bit, and could fly. I had been thinking about what I wanted to do when I become lucid yesterday so this was obviously a direct result of this.

Again I could have easily become lucid during that dream but never thought to question reality despite many oppportunities. I'm doing very regular checks of reality in real life. Again I have to stay focused, keep up the practice, and it will happen.

Originally Posted by Smudgefish

I did an experiment last night. I can bring on HI very easily. When I went to bed I started to bring on the imagery and watched it - it was incredibly detailed, I hovered over a pond and saw all the detail of the lillies, and the ripples on the water and the plant life below. I moved around a garden seeing the detail on the surface of stones and pathing. I found that if I looked to the side of the imagery I could see everything there and it sort of filled itself in. Then I saw sheets of sparkling vivid colours which turned into a tunnel and I flew along it watching formations move at speed past me, all in amazng detail, and I could feel the momentum and speed.

Wow, HI you say? It's like a dream......... My guess is that you should try this to have a WILD after an awakening at 4, 5 or 6 o'clock (or later when you can sleep in)

OK subconscious, it's war!!!

6 months I've been at this and you have done everything in your power to stop me having a lucid dream. So I'm laying it on the line now you start to behave or it's going to get nasty. I will get what I want or die trying. I have had enough

EVERY time something ridiculous happens in a dream do you let me notice it?? NO! I just carry on as if it's totally reasonable. Flying cats? Fridges falling from the sky? Oh yes very reasonable, couldn't possibly be dreaming could I? Well I've dedicated myself to this absolutely I reality check every 5 minutes, MILD before bed, WBTB, spent hours trying to WILD with no results, prospective memory training like mad, and you have given me absolutely NOTHING in return. SO.... it's war, sorry about that but it's the only way.


Battle tactics:

1) Eating a banana before bed, and eating more lentils: I'm going to win! ....yes, hear that?? just give in now. In fact I might actually get some melatonin!!

For 2 nights I tried CAN-WILD. I think it made me have a false awakening but otherwise no luck. It's actually left me feeling very tired now as I was woken numerous times overnight and it also woke my wife up so she wasn't happy and I'm going to have to give up on it.

I tried setting the alarm to just flash last night (so it didn't wake my wife). That woke me once but for some reason got stuck and didn't stop and I had to roll over and turn it off, so again not really very effective.

I'm losing enthusiasm now. It's over 3 weeks of trying hard and nothing really to show for it again. I have a very full work rota for the next month so it's going to be difficult to keep the momentum going, and home life is also suddenly very stressful, so I'm not sure I can keep this up.

Noooo! I so much loved your post # 56!

Don't give up on lds! There's always time and place to practice even if you are super busy - there's the way to/back from work where you can RC and be mindful and even coffee and toilet breaks! :tropicalboxer:

Thanks NyxCC.

I wish I got breaks at work! Going to try to keep up the lucid mindset, journalling and MILD. See what happens. Back to it properly once I get the next few weeks over with.

I'm still trying! Nothing much yet but I'm keeping expectations low so as not to get disappointed.

A dream last night: I was in a canteen sitting at a table. I decided to try to WILD so closed my eyes but it was too noisy I decided it wasn't going to work. I looked at the wall and realised it was a poster about lucid dreaming. The character on the poster was moving like a film of a lucid dream and I thought 'No! That's not how you lucid dream, he's got it all wrong'. I didn't question whether I was dreaming.

Dreaming about lucid dreaming is supposed to be a good sign I think.

Absolutely! You've got lucid dreaming on your mind, that's great. Make it a habit to RC everytime you think about lucid dreaming. Even when you are reading this now - how can you be sure you're not dreaming?

Trying to WILD using the LDOC technique. I like this a lot and am making some very significant progress.

One thing I have now realised is that I am actually trying to fall asleep more than I am trying to stay conscious, hence why my WILDs always fail. I know that it is important to fall asleep but it is equally as important to stay conscious, so I'm swinging the balance a bit the other way. I have been very close to sleep in a deep trance state several times with twitching and some rushing noises, and a lot of sinking and rotating sensations, but not quite transitionned into sleep or OBE yet. I am also reducing my expectations and just allowing things to happen naturally and not trying to push it like I used to.

I feel that with just a bit more practice I will manage it soon.

Originally Posted by Smudgefish

Trying to WILD using the LDOC technique. I like this a lot and am making some very significant progress.

One thing I have now realised is that I am actually trying to fall asleep more than I am trying to stay conscious, hence why my WILDs always fail. I know that it is important to fall asleep but it is equally as important to stay conscious, so I'm swinging the balance a bit the other way. I have been very close to sleep in a deep trance state several times with twitching and some rushing noises, and a lot of sinking and rotating sensations, but not quite transitionned into sleep or OBE yet. I am also reducing my expectations and just allowing things to happen naturally and not trying to push it like I used to.

I feel that with just a bit more practice I will manage it soon.

I have found so far that after spells of trying too hard, where I either kill a whole night of sleep with a catastrophic WILD attempt or where I start to have dreams where I feel like I am watching myself and I am this spectre my dream-self can't see and I'm screaming 'Your dreaming! RC FOOL!'. I take a break after these and focus more on lucid dreaming as I prepare for bed, the only real day work I have been doing lately is RCs when ever I remember to, which isn't that often and self-awareness throughout the day, which I try and do anyway because it makes me better at being a human in general.

I 'feel' closer to LDing more often now because my mindset has gone from 'trying' to 'expecting' it to just happen when it will. Also each time I have one I naturally expect it to happen more frequently. I am 100% confident I will become lucid again tonight, all day I have been planning on who I want to see and what I need to talk to them about, so it will happen.

Expect it to happen and it will, but just thinking you expect something and actually expecting something are two different things, you can't have a trace of doubt

Thanks BadAssLongCoat,

I went through a phase of trying to 'expect an LD', one night I really, really tried to make myself expect to be lucid: it didn't work. I now think that there is some sort of middle ground where you have a sort of positivity but a detachment so as not to generate disappointment, I haven't quite found the right spot yet though. The one time I actually did a RC in a dream - I think I expected it to happen again, but it never did, so I got really disappointed and felt like giving up.

Sounds like you are doing great, keep it up! and good luck for tonight, I wish I had your confidence.

Didn't happen for me after all last night but I didn't really sleep well full stop, but I know it will happen soon. I am focussing on the un finished business I have with Laila (Girl In The Red Dress, remembered her name during a 3 hour spell of meditation during a sleepless period last night.)
I guess all I can suggest is something I have seen posted frequently and is working for me. It also seems to be working for you.
Try and focus on being more aware while you are asleep. It's harder than it sounds and it sounds pretty hard, but one day you kind of just put your foot in it and once you 'get it', you will remember it. Don't give up and stay positive

Thanks again for the support! and hope it happens soon for you.

Looking for some advice (and thinking through it for my own benefit):

From my dream journal last night

I was WILDing (in the dream) and it was working I heard really loud noises, quite deafening, and I felt myself vibrating all over. I thought at last! it's working, it's frightnening but it's working, I remembered everything I have been told and tried to think of a dream scene, that didn't work. I went with it for a while and tried to move my dream body to get an OBE, but that didn't work. Then I tried force my eyes open remembering that I should enter a dream that way. I couldn't so I started to panic. I tried to move but realised I was paralysed and the noises and vibrations were getting more intense. I could sense my wife next to me and I could here her talking, and someone else talking the other side of me, I thought my wife must be dreaming as well. Then I force my eyes open and I could see my wife but I still couldn't move and I still had really loud noises happening and I thought this isn't right I'm stuck in some sort of weird state and might never get out of it - it was either a nightmare false awakening or a sleep paralysis that seemed to go on forever. Then I think I woke up properly, it was midnight, and was able to move, it all went silent at last.

This was early in the night only an hour after I went to sleep after trying to WILD. I don't remember trying to WILD in the dream, although there was a dream scene before it started, so I was in REM, I was more or less straight into the noises (they were loud!!) and vibration in my sleep, and I knew what was happening and tried to control it and therefore strictly it was a lucid dream if it was a dream. At the time I was in a black void, no images.
At some point it turned into a sleep paralysis, or was it a nightmare false awakening?? It definitely reminded me of sleep paralysis I have had before I started trying to lucid dream.

I think I didn't succeed in turning it inot a dream or getting out of body because it really caught me off my guard, then I panicked because nothing I tried worked.

Any interpretation of what happend would be appreciated.

not too long ago I was having these 'void dreams' myself. I would get to a place where I couldn't seem to wake up, though I couldn't feel anything. It was almost like I was an entity without a body, capable of no more than thought in a world full of nothing.

I felt the vibrations and heard things but they passed before I got to this point. I would rarely if at all see HI and the moment I noticed it or tried to focus on it they would vanish. I also noticed that I couldn't make myself realize anything. I tried to visualize objects or scenery or even my own hands so I could RC but none of it worked.

I still think that maybe I was fully aware during an NREM period. had I not forced myself awake (Which left me mentally exhausted) and just relaxed further I could likely have found myself within a dream. Or not, I won't know until I try WILD again I guess. However I did try and WILD that night the old-fashioned way- from first wakefulness (before bed, not WBTB) so my chances of seeing NREM would have been higher...

I'll stop here, if any of this hits a note with how you have been seeing things maybe it can be of help? All I know is I stopped for a while after this because of the lack of sleep it caused and I needed to catch up, within a week I managed DILD from FA.

Originally Posted by Smudgefish

For 2 nights now had very poor dream recall. Maybe it's a rebound from making some progress the other night. Bit disappointing as I thought I had cracked it and would start questionning reality in dreams more regularly now.

Never mind, I'm RCing like mad now and I know what it feels like to do it for real in a dream, and I'm more aware that I could really be dreaming even if it feels completely like waking life, so I just keep going and trying not to lose the momentum. I know it's going to take a lot of hard work yet.

You have a lot of motivation smudgefish, 6 months can feel like I really long time. I've learned that there is no rush, take your time. Don't get discouraged if you dont have a lucid dream! Being able to recall your dreams in detail is progress!

Keep up the good work

Well, that was interesting!!

Last night I dreamt that I was talking to a patient about lucid dreaming, and kicked myself when I woke up that I hadn't got lucid.

Today in surgery I was talking to a patient about lucid dreaming!! I never thought to do a reality check at the time. No wonder I didn't do it in the dream!

I have just slapped my own wrist.

Originally Posted by Smudgefish

Well, that was interesting!!

Last night I dreamt that I was talking to a patient about lucid dreaming, and kicked myself when I woke up that I hadn't got lucid.

Today in surgery I was talking to a patient about lucid dreaming!! I never thought to do a reality check at the time. No wonder I didn't do it in the dream!

I have just slapped my own wrist.

Keep up the good work!

I had a lucid dream last night. It lasted all of a few seconds, and to be honest it wasn't very impressive.

From my DJ

I was in a class and was asked to read. I looked at the page and couldn't understand the writing, looked back and it had changed. I knew immediately that I was dreaming, but looked at a hand to check and it looked very odd. For some reason I remember then thinking "I'm dreaming" but it shouldn't be like this, and lost lucidity immediately. I was then in a playground and I can't remember anything else from that dream.

I think I completely forgot to do any stabilisation. It was about as low level lucid as it's possible to get. I didn't register even the vaguest excitement at realising that I was dreaming, which is very odd since I have been waiting for that moment for over 6 months, and sort of thought 'oh well' and carried on with a normal dream.

One thing that I have noticed is that if I WILD before sleep then I am much more likely to remember my dreams and to have a more 'lucid' experience during the night - I have had a sleep paralysis, seen numerous referrences to lucid dreaming in the dream, and my first lucid after this. I don't expect to have an LD from WILDing at this time but there is a chance that I could OBE. I'm useless at WILDing at any other time.

Man that is so cool. You are aware in your dreams. What is OBE?

Originally Posted by DannyCool

Man that is so cool. You are aware in your dreams. What is OBE?

It stands for out of body experince, or astral projection as some call it.

Smudge, you had a Lucid and that's all that matters! So you can do it.

Congrats! If you were lucid enough to check your hand you did well. If you picture that moment and imagine you reacting differently then perhaps it will work in a more stable manner next time? I know that I always feel like I need to keep some form of excitement or urgency up in my dreams to keep me focussed and the dream world stable at the moment, I guess you'll find what works for you, it's all trial and error and process of elimination for things that do and don't help you along.

From my DJ:

I woke in my bed and saw the guitar standing by the wall in my bedroom, I knew immediately that I was still dreaming. I wanted to look at my hand to check that but couldn't move, although I just caught sight of my hand and it wasn't right. I thought that if I couldn't move I would try to OBE so concentrated on trying to move upwards, that didn't work. I tried to sit up - that was hard work! but I managed it, then I tried to move my legs, that was really difficult, I moved them and swung around, my body felt very difficult to control and feather light. My legs sort of floated down on top of my wife and I was worried I might wake her up. I was stuck by my pelvis, so I sort of flopped my legs and head down over the side of the bed thinking that I might just drop down onto the floor. I could see the carpet. Nothing happened I was still stuck by my pelvis. At this point it was such hard work and I was feeling very strange so I returned properly to my body and woke myself up.

Had another good WILD session before sleep last night. It seems to be getting me some results later in the night.

I'm getting closer and closer!

Had a FA at 2am. Not sure why I couldn't move when I realised I was having a FA. It's what happened to me last time. On this occasion it was definitely a FA rather than a sleep paralysis as the room looked slightly different. I'm not sure if I then had a true OBE or it was just a dream of getting out of body (does it make any difference?) - either way I got stuck and didn't get too far. I forgot the trick of reaching upwards and pulling yourself out I wish I had thought of that at the time because it was REALLY frustrating getting stuck like that. I wonder if I now have an expection of not being able to move or getting stuck?

The other thing I noticed is that I was quite 'fogged' during this FA and didn't think clearly. It's certainly not like a waking conciousness. If it happens again I need to try increasing my conciousness - perhaps saying 'more lucidity' might help??