I am turned on by things that are considered taboo and I have no idea why. Most things that are viewed as inappropriate or looked down on turn me on such as public sex, girls who smoke (despite not being able to stand being in the presence of smokers), lesbians, basically almost anything taboo of nature. Maybe I'm just looking for a bit of a rebel.
4/7/2013 9:42 PM
Or maybe it's your true nature.
Well, I feel like my mind is in another place. Like I'm standing in another place, recognizing things in this life that normal people don't. Normal people meaning everyone. Even the people who "know" without a doubt that they're so properly smart and reasonable. I hate what's happened to the world in the last centuries. All the "advancements". All the narcissistic, irresponsible, twisted ideals that everyone is such a slave to even though they don't know any better. I hate the emotions that my poor role models have stuck in my brain. I'm grateful for certain things like the kind of empathy that my mother gave me. I don't hate everyone, I actually love and understand most people. I just hate everything about them. Down to their smallest macro expressions. I've never seen or felt someone that observes in the way that I do. I have a very close family, I'm married, and have some very good friends that I care about so much. But I just feel lonely. Like they can't hear what I'm saying, even though we keep talking. Like a good percentage of the things they unrightfully choose to care about, are pointless. I know lots of people think they don't belong on this earth. But, I don't. I'll think of shooting myself in the head quite often. Not at all because I'm depressed. Just because I'd like to leave. But I can't bring myself to make everyone around me so sad. Also, sorry. I'm not trying to be a downer. I've just never actually said this outside of my thoughts. I'd bet even if I did, nobody would be able to give a proper shit.
4/8/2013 2:52 AM
When you start realizing how predictable people are, especially comparing it to dreaming life, and how much they don't want to let go and try and analyze why they're doing something, it gets sickening, but you know you can't really change everything in their lives. You can only wish the best of them, even if their ambitions are mediocre at best.
The only thing you can really do is just project your will towards them, which is simply using what you know and helping them. You also seem to have a conflict despite your higher level of empathy. Despite of people making something of themselves and calling themselves intelligent or competent enough to face life challenges, you still want think it's useless so you can play the starring role in your own life.
If it gets to the point where you want to ask other people's opinions on life when you haven't even answered the question yourself, it's no wonder you have a hard time trying to get others to understand how you think.
Maybe you should start questioning your own beliefs and try to answer them; pretend to be someone else that's listening to what you're saying. Hopefully, you'll stand by your true feelings and be straight with them when trying to tell others what you think.
As for people "not giving a proper shit," it's probably because they're not at your level of empathy as yet. But at least you know how you feel, and that's what makes you unique. Maybe you don't need to give the darkest secrets about yourself just so you can make people understand you.
But it doesn't mean that you shouldn't be there for those who care about you. The only thing you can be sure of is your existence and all that you experience, and even though memories behind them isn't always perfect, just see life through the end is all I can really tell you.
You have more experience than I do, and I'm sorry if it felt like I was trying to be a know-it-all, but I do understand most of what you believe in; and I'm pretty sure that other people will understand and come to the realization as well. And you being a mother, you're a shining example of empathy, and I'm sure your mother felt the same way when she passed it on to you.
My dick has a slight downward curve (picture a banana), instead of going upward or straight out like most guys. I read it's an advantage in certain positions but the best part about it is the fact that it looks kinda silly - like it's too heavy to hold it's own weight (average though). Gavin again; fuck yo' anonymousnessity, Link. >:0
4/8/2013 6:58 AM
I seriously need to read the end of these confessions before I read the whole thing.
Dang it, got me again Gav!!!
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