lucid

Morning of October 30, 2014. Thursday.



A young goddess appears and speaks like a younger version of my wife at one point. I am distracted from my heightened lucidity in an amusing sense although I “absorb” the typically breathtaking beauty of this state. A yellow but “human” monster stands in a doorway with a knife raised and growling. Behind him are nighttime, rain, and sparse flashes of lightning. This is a “parallel” dream, a typical scene when having two or more dreams at the exact same time. “Don’t even go there,” says the goddess/wife/tulpa/entity quite clearly and telepathically.

Still, I do decide to “go there” at least three times as I am still in “her” dream at the same time. It dawns on me that this scene of the human monster in the doorway is quite pathetic and non-threatening. I amusingly perceive it as a “deleted scene” from a DVD (where the monster never even appeared at any point in the movie in faux “reality”) and feel a strange subtle hilarity yet almost feel sorry for this creature who never got a chance to be seen by people. Eventually, I feel the growing energy of the goddess-like presence. I go back to the first dream (of extremely heightened depth perception), which, since earliest memory, I become fascinated with the thin strands of hair and the sense of very slight, almost barely perceptible movement. But it is there. I catch it. I enjoy my ability to see the “life” there even though the movement is caused by a very soft motion of air. The “light” energies of this beauty move through me. I am not disembodied as such but feel I am floating.

In a typically skewed awareness, I believe I am looking at very small cracks in her skin, but then I realize that I am looking at slightly damp single hairs across her back. This is not a new perspective though and continues as the usual “oh that’s right” moment.

The “monster in the doorway” had come from looking past her, from looking between a few strands of her hair hanging down and into the “other dream”. Perhaps in the environment beyond, businessmen are running in alarm, forgetting their briefcases. I try to focus on if such a scenario is there behind her, but there is only the mirage-like “wavering” of slightly magnified and “deep” visuals.

The visuals invert and her hair becomes “hollow” and everything is “engraved” into the background (such as with the mask illusion). I first experienced this altered perception in my twenties, where a door to a house across the street seemed to invert and become very close to me, but as some sort of “tunnel”. Three-dimensional inversion is a strange thing that you cannot undo with the mask illusion (although you can with the staircase effect and the cube drawn with lines and such but not so much direct at will).

Finally, I see a section of her hair invert and form what is supposedly the “human power” symbol from this other “world”, almost like some sort of insignificant debris in the background. However, this “human power” symbol, which is “drawn” with “heavier lines” and looks like a raised fist, only displays two fingers; the left pinky and the left ring finger (the two fingers that were the hardest for me to mentally “rewire” as a toddler). I reason that this makes sense, because people do not really have much power or control in the “higher realms” (unless years of practice are implemented). In a way, I wonder why there would be any symbol for humanity at all in the “higher” layers - something as odd and “unnatural” as seeing a human statue inside an anthill tunnel and greeted with friendly associations, or a group of snakes welcoming people into a forest - “Sorry Mister Snake, for stepping on you” and the snake says “That’s okay, come and meet my brothers so you can step on them as well”. It seems “correct” to a point, though. I do a typical wall-tapping (which is some sort of composite of brick and chalkboard - something I have seen before in-dream) with all fingers in a claw-like form and meet strong solid resistance as I tap about four times…yet I do not have to walk through this wall. Instead, I turn around and walk out of the dream from the “forward opening” of my “mind’s eye”, which is always there.

Morning of October 13, 2014. Monday.



There were (among other dreams on this date) three dreams that slightly ran into each other. The last one was extraordinarily lucid, of the type of apex lucidity I do not usually post online, though there is a humorous side here. I enter the state somewhat slowly, being aware of the various environmental features which come into focus and which I know are solely in-dream (which is typical of this state since earliest memory). Finally, when I am in the full-body state, having arrived, so to speak, I notice it is a version of my sister Marilyn’s house, being similar to her living room. This was probably residue from the previous longer dream (which was non-lucid). Within a short time, with no need to mentally will a scenario, a goddess-like girl appears, seemingly a younger version of my wife but dressed somewhat atypically. (The Loomis Street house is where I was staying when she first wrote to me in 1991.) I am fascinated with the realism and reach out for a full embrace. She seemed to have walked from around a corner, although technically there was no corner and it was more like walking from behind an invisible prism of human height. I am amazed by the clarity and the beauty of the imagery. However, I am also aware of environmental noises at times (in the real environment as I am sleeping).

I decide to leave the dream state to make sure my real body is in a comfortable position. However, when I “wake”, I do not notice right off that I have had a false awakening into another dream (though I am not lucid now) and in much the same environment. Eventually, I do come to realize that I went into a less vivid dream rather than really waking up, which seriously annoys me, so then I do wake up.

Previously, my earlier dream was a typical “search” type where I just look for old documents and such. I had wanted my mother’s old letters to my sister to do more research on my life that I had not documented myself, as she wrote quite often to Marilyn from mid-1967 to mid-1978. However, after my sister died in real life it was the typical fiasco where one person (not even a relative, but a supposed “friend” of hers) decides to throw everything out with no consideration for anyone else in the family or even attempting to communicate with anyone. In my dream, though, I actually see a younger version of my sister walking to one of her dressers and she seems slightly confused by how everything has been put into bundles, with almost everything in her house in stacks (including clothes, books, personal documents, and so on). I do manage to find some letters, which I believe are the ones I want. There is also a scene where a box has been put aside with certain things wrapped for my oldest daughter. There are many manila envelopes in the front room that seem sealed, some apparently related to comic books I had made for her (far more than in reality).

In another dream, I am seeing most of humanity as a different “species” than myself, which is no surprise. People, that is human beings, start out as some sort of chimpanzee-like being and as they grow older, they turn into a creature that resembles a baby elephant. This is possibly a play on how “apocalyptic” elephants came from representing my childhood fear (pachydermophobia developed out of real-life events) to representing people falsely promoting soon-upcoming worst-case scenarios (doomsday or judgement “trumpeting”).

Morning of October 11, 2014. Saturday.



This is a soothing dream at first. I am in an unknown location, seemingly inside the large room of a mansion. Sparkling dust motes “swim” in the air.

There is a rather odd setup. A very large and complex dollhouse, I believe of three storeys, is in one corner of the room, almost as if it is a part of the design of the house (and big enough for a person to go into). It has a sort of combined Grecian and Victorian appearance. Sunlight is coming in through large windows. On the roof of the dollhouse, in front, is a large complex clock. There are white monotone angel statues built into the clock. Their subtle wing movements somehow relate to the clock.

An unknown darker-haired younger girl appears. She says “elaborate”. In fact, that is all she does say, several times. No attempt at any form of communication results in anything but “elaborate”. She pronounces it as an adjective (not the verbal pronunciation). I think perhaps she is saying it to describe the environment. I am fairly sure she may live here somewhere. No actual communication ensues. It is rather amusing, probably more amusing than frustrating.

“What is your name?”

No response.

Long pause.

“Elaborate." (Over time, she says "elaborate” at least six times.)

The feathers on the wings of the angels on the clock seem to flutter at times, but that may be an optical illusion caused by subtle motion of the rays of sun. I think the wings themselves move up and down (over time) with the minute hand.

Morning of October 1, 2014. Wednesday.

Dream #: 17,453-05. Reading time: 2 min 38 sec.



I am in a big room on at least the fourth floor of a school building. There are at least four rows of small singular school desks, but there is otherwise no indication of a more defined classroom setting. The door to the room is in the front and to my left, and I am probably near the back of the classroom. My wife Zsuzsanna is there as well as a few unknown people, and we are adults with our current waking life appearance. It may be in Australia though looks like my fifth-grade homeroom classroom (though that was on the second floor and outside was to my left). The outer appearance of the building resembles a hospital in La Crosse. The room I am in is possibly the second room back from where there is a corner (that is oriented inward) that goes off to my right so that I can look out the window and see the other perpendicular outer wall and windows, which is closer to the street. The entrance is seemingly on my side of the inward corner of the L-shaped (or possibly T-shaped) building, and the area outside to my right is a parking lot.

After a short time, a scheduled flight occurs. It involves advertising Wonder Bread. I hear a small airplane engine and look to my right. The airplane, which is like a crop-duster type, flies too close to the building and its left wing is somehow hitting the eaves, making a tinny knocking sound while it seems to be “stuck,” though still slowly moving forward. The pilot flew too close in his daily routine around the building’s perimeter. Eventually, a sense of awe occurs with the realization that the pilot will not be able to make the ninety-degree turn when reaching the corner. However, instead of crashing into the other outer wall of the building, the airplane pauses in midair (though its flight was impossibly slow, somewhat like a helicopter hovering but moving ahead a short distance at a time) and it falls straight down in near the building’s assumed entrance.

Some people come in, and I talk about what had happened, describing the event in detail at least three times to different people. I ask if it was a Cessna and a young man tells me no, it was a “Mercola” something. The pilot had lived, and he is reported to have no injuries.

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For new readers or inexperienced dreamers: A school setting is typically autosymbolism triggered by the conscious self identity being incomplete while in the dream state. Attention to my right correlates with the subliminal awareness of sleeping on my left side. This dream has an unusual reference to doorway waking symbolism, relevant to the knocking sound, a door signifying a dream’s possible exit point. Roofs, ceilings, or eaves are indicators for being closer to consciousness. There is the result of vestibular system ambiguity, with associations with falling, flying, or rising. An airplane is often an imaginary extension of the physical body during the natural vestibular system ambiguity of REM sleep. In childhood, I called this kind of dream “failed flight waking symbolism.“ Use of the word “failed” does not imply a negative connotation as it is solely a biological dynamic of waking from REM sleep. The victim in this dream is the vestibular system simulacrum. The intersection layout (in this case as a building with a perpendicular outer wall) is autosymbolism that relays the choices (via RAS mediation) of remaining in the dream state, returning to dreamless sleep, or waking. The airplane falls rather than crashes due to my dream self’s subliminal awareness of the nature of vestibular system ambiguity. The Wonder Bread advertising stems from linking the word "bread” with “loaf” and the “wonder” of the dream state. “Loaf” is a play on being in bed. (“Mercola” may be a warning against cola, perhaps being a composite of “mercury” and “cola.”)

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Morning of September 28, 2014. Sunday.



This was an extended version of a long-recurring dream scene of looking in a mirror and deliberately trying to change my appearance in various ways even though I am only semi-lucid.

This is a rather unusual state of semi-lucidity which often involves an intense “forced frustration” and somewhat of a need to instigate distortion or alter imagery without being more aware of the virtually infinite possibilities of the dream state when fully lucid. (By experience, I have learned that there are at least three very distinct types of in-dream lucidity, probably more when breaking down the more diverse nuances.)

I look in a dresser mirror in a somewhat dark room (just with enough light to see most details of my face but in shadow) and attempt to force different perspectives and to distort how I appear in the dream (which is otherwise amazingly realistic and mostly consistent throughout). Based on my reflection in the mirror, I appear to move close to and fairly far away from the mirror even though my physical body remains in the same place in-dream (about the center of the room). This changing “zoom in and zoom out” perspective (which has also occurred in different dream types) and different range of views does not at all seem unlikely in-dream (it is probably number four on my list of recurring dream aspects that seem familiar and likely in reality, but cannot be). I also try to force a mock fear, due to the sort of tingly energy it creates (have done this in semi-lucid dreams since early childhood), but am unable to strengthen it, and no other beings are there except for me even though I change my appearance somewhat as a sort of pretense, but nothing dramatic ensues. Sometimes I had done it by lowering my eyebrows and squinting yet focusing on the immediate foreground (near my nose) so that my view is pair-of-eyes-shaped, with the idea the eyes-shape is from another being just in front of me (this being something I learned in a dream in 1972, age eleven, when I deliberately tried to create more energized nightmarish states but was usually unable to - however, this also resulted in the zooming in and out perspective which I did not realize was otherwise not possible in actuality, therefore not recognizing the dream state).

Prior to this, there was also the typical cleaning dream, where I “polished”, refurbished, and “mentally repainted” aspects of the room. In this one, I also find various items under a rug including dust and old food scraps. I clean the room as thoroughly as possible.

Morning of September 26, 2014. Friday.



I am planning (in my dream state) on doing a “comic book page” of the most vivid version of my “The Pink Planet” dream due to its seemingly paranormal nature (relative to a number of things that are simply too complex to get into in writing). The concept of the “twin Earth” is not unique to this particular “dream universe” event, as it had come both long before and long after November 6, 1971. In one case, it was a “shadow planet” remaining on the opposite side of the sun. Taking a photograph of someone with green eyes (my wife has green eyes) and implementing the photographic negative, will cause the “pink planet” effect as well.

I have completed the page in real life, after this dream, and decided to put it in my tumblr journal assuming it will be large enough to display the writing. In my dream, are new facets of energy relating to a “remake”. The remake is based on some sort of overwhelming emotional nostalgia combining the present and the past. In “The Bermuda Depths” (which ties in with personal events and other connections), the ending shows the turtle that was small during the time that the male and female characters are together as children, except now it is a giant yet still has the initials on its back. In this dream, I see that my wife, as a child, is blowing soap bubbles into the sky, one lasting longer than would be typical - the surface of the bubble reflecting Australia as it travels skyward. It grows larger and larger and “returns” as the “pink planet”, still with the residual reflection of Australia to “inform” me that she is on “the other side”.

This layer was not extensively referenced in 1971 or earlier. I have done a lot of research on causal patterns relating to my main “pink planet” dream. Doing this sort of thing is almost like a sort of meticulous “surgery” to try to piece together how my mind is able to combine so many layers into one to manifest this type of dream. Much of this I have documented before many times. One reason is that certain dreams have earlier “prototypes”, become the main experiential dream in terms of residual focus to recur or “reset” (often in “mid-dream”), and are often followed by a lesser “sequel” or with partial parallels (especially when growing up), sometimes broken up into less noticed nuances a year or more later. It would not surprise me at all to learn if some people had the same “key” dreams, thousands of times, throughout all their lives, without remembering a single instance of the more important layers. In fact, I have actually seen plenty of evidence of this online, but will not go into it here.

Firstly, this was during the time when “Pepto-Bismol pink” showed up in my dreams at least once a month or so - and in such cases, I even curiously reflected on this as the color in-dream, yet it still did not result in any trigger of lucidity. As before, I can argue whether or not my dream would have been the same had I not taken Pepto-Bismol. I also believe there was an influence from volume 16 of the Young People’s Science Encyclopedia which I had at the time. The cover shows pink clouds with a man hovering over a sphere and another one shown in the distance as shown in the image of the cover.



Comic strips the eve before personally showed the usual odd synchronicity. Nancy “blows her breath” into a balloon to (sarcastically) “save her breath”, which is shown as a sphere, an act similar to blowing soap bubbles as in my dream. The other is Snuffy Smith where the two primary female characters look at a crystal ball covered with snow - this of course influencing the idea of the top being the “North Pole” were it to be a subtle symbol for Earth.

Finally, as the most obvious cause in 1971 (at least on this date) was that I had seen “When Worlds Collide” (from 1951) 11:30 at night (on “Shock Theatre” on channel 13). I then watched about seven minutes of “I Walked with a Zombie” (from 1943), the second feature, but was too tired to stay awake and had already seen it a couple times by then. My 1971 dream likely started from around four in the morning at the latest, three-thirty at the earliest.

Were it not for pop culture continuously shuffling me along and giving me “clues”, I may likely have still found my soulmate. The amusing “go to Japan” in-dream aspect as mentioned before, again was accurate, as that is where the airplane landed prior to reaching Australia, something I do not think I could have even subliminally known as a child.

Morning of September 18, 2014. Thursday.



A dream situation that has been somewhat recurring for a few months (but with different locations or features in each) involves looking into areas of our house that have openings to hidden rooms underground or under our floor (which of course represents exploration of my unconscious domain or even access to the whole of human consciousness). In this particular dream, one of the doors is like a lighter horizontally-hinged swinging type of perhaps fiberboard. It reminds me somewhat of an incomplete dumbwaiter setup. I push it inward for a short time and discover a large cellar-like room below the floor (but by which the higher area is inside the wall) where two hallways on the far end go in both directions. In the area near the hallways, it appears to have a dirt floor. It looks like something had been stored there but I do not contemplate if it is ours or not. It seems it likely is in conscious afterthought.

At a later point, I am in our kitchen and I hear some sort of strange voice (which is somewhat authoritative yet also a bit artificial) speak from our second-youngest son’s room. It may be some sort of dangerous “invader” that is not fully human. I tell it to come out and show itself. Out of the room comes some sort of vague energy, briefly seeming like a large transparent black robot. It speaks again (somewhat menacingly) but by that time I realize that it is my own dream self’s instigation in trying to bring it into a higher clarity and it will not materialize due to my own concept of self-preservation (even though it represents the waking transition). This has happened in dreams all my life, where I (as my unconscious mind) often could not create what could become a more ominous or even disturbing dream. As I have noted before, even my dreams relating to a so-called devil ended up being mostly cartoon-like and comedic.

In another dream immediately offset from this one (as the waking transition “failed” in my first), which has a very cheerful atmosphere and is somewhat lucid but passive, an Asian male and his young son are in a room testing old battery-operated robots of the type I got for Christmas in 1969 though it seems they are or are like completely new toys. The sounds and flashing lights are “perfect” and enjoyable over time. This leads me to ponder on why I had the life-size somewhat menacing (but transparent) black robot in the other dream for a very short time. Still, the flashing lights of the robots represent dawning conscious awareness and eventual waking.

In hopes to augment understanding of this dream, black is the representation in this case, because it is of an anthropomorphic form, of the conscious mind in liminal space. This is evident by the common light of day projection, in this case, from the opening chest of the robot as with my actual toy in reality. The robot opens the doors of its chest as it shuffles about to emit light as toy laser guns. Anything that emits light as such is the conscious self seeking the unconscious perspective to instigate waking through coalescence, the main purpose of final dream segments when they are completed. I realize that my unconscious self is more in control of my transitory waking self here and thus my dream shifts to an offset waking scenario that is far more cheerful but still has the “light of day” (downsized robots, no longer menacing or hidden in any way). At this point, the Asian man is my conscious self nurturing my diminishing unconscious dream self into the waking state, showing me that the light of day (and conscious awareness) is not so bad or mysterious after all.

Night of July 5, 2014. Saturday.



I am apparently listening to a radio broadcast in a state of half-dreaming. The announcer clearly says “Russell Cayman’s dead”. I have no idea who that is (I have not listened to a radio for many years) and for a moment, I think of (a type of animal) caimans (alligatorid crocodylians). This seemed like some sort of telepathic pulse (or perhaps a postcognitive remnant or “artifact”), but who knows? I am not even sure of the spelling.

Morning of June 27, 2014. Friday.

Dream #: 17,357-02. Reading time: 36 sec.



Several times in my dream, I wave my hands to materialize small statues out of nowhere. Most are about a foot high, but many are shorter.

The statues are mostly Hindi that I make at random. I am moving my hands about and “spinning” them into existence. There is also a point at which I weave Sanskrit writing in the air. Zsuzsanna is present in a way that links to another dimension. Some of the statues look Thai or have other composite cultural elements. One looks like a carousel atop an octagonal box or base. They mostly all have a pale (semi-matte) golden appearance.

Someone near the table’s left side, at the front from my perspective, knocks a statue off and tries to fit a broken piece onto a different one in a suggestive adult way as if it were male genitals. I am only slightly annoyed by his humorous act.

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Morning of June 16, 2014. Monday.



This is one of those dreams that seems somewhat lucid in a tentative experimental sense; vivid and with an energy that seems close to “purifying”, and yet not fully lucid where total conscious control is utilized - thus I remain mostly a witness.

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It starts out at a level where I feel energetic and very well, almost with a sense of ongoing “completion” and "perfection” regarding my life’s path. I am not sure of the location. It is probably a more integrated composite of several houses including our present home, sister Marilyn’s older house, and Cubitis, as is sometimes the case, yet such composites always vary from dream to dream including in directional orientation. The overall layout is most similar to Cubitis, yet the essence is more like our last home on Barolin Street. My wife Zsuzsanna and I are involved in some sort of educational work, but my sister Marilyn appears and so does brother Jim. Even though both relatives (from my mother’s side) have passed away, Marilyn makes an unusual comment about Jim being there and points it out in a way that she “knows” something is not quite right. It does not even seem unusual to me that someone who had died is now at the house pointing out how somehow else had died. It seems to be about midday.

Jim seems very cheerful but soon starts talking about a tidal wave approaching, excitedly pointing in its direction and talking about its force and size. I am able to see the large wave coming from about two blocks away but it does not seem to be a major destructive force. This one is only slightly above rooftop level as it approaches. I am somewhat annoyed by the idea of having some of our belongings damaged by water, but it is not a dominant thought. I get a clear feeling that I will just have to deal with it and am I neutral in the implications after a short time. The wave hits and water rushes through the house in a somewhat exhilarating sense (as if it was almost an enriching event). I notice other people outside yelling about it, but not in terror; more like mild surprise.

A little later, I go outside to the direction where the wave had approached from and the scene and landscape changes dramatically and it is also now late in the evening. I am in a state of lucidity but witness-only awe relative to the various types of ways the world can end, all occurring at the same time (which seems very amusing to me for some reason, almost like some sort of unlikely gag). I have no fear or worry at all and feel a positive energy; almost enthralled to near physical pleasure. Jim is now very happily swimming in the ocean to my left (apparently much of the world has been flooded). Zsuzsanna and I are standing on a balcony-like area or more like an elevated area of a Medieval castle.

As in many past dreams of semi-lucidity relative to ocean scenes, I imagine the creation of a plesiosaurus-like sea serpent which materializes in a fairly short time and rises from the water. Above us, but towards the horizon - at about a seventy-degree inclination (common for viewing in-dream events in the sky) there are odd events occurring near and on the visible but dim sun even though it is fully nighttime. The sun, though, seems to be behind some sort of odd "filter” or unusual static (unmoving) squarish gray cloud. Slightly to its right are several small meteors moving horizontally to my right in sparse clusters, all different colors (red, green, purple, blue, etc.), seemingly fizzing across the sky almost like the appearance of sparklers (perhaps to also aid in the end of the world along with other events I seem to be aware of, such as earthquakes, Earth going out of orbit, volcanoes, etc.), but I am not sure if they are close or farther out in space.

I call happily out to Jim about the sea serpent behind him. He cheerfully turns and swims in the opposite direction, directly towards it, and deliberately swims into its open mouth as if that were the best thing he could do with his life. He even makes an extra attempt to make sure he is aligned properly to the jawline to get eaten as quickly as possible. This strange behavior seemed expected in the back of my mind. Meanwhile, meteors are hitting in the distance.

Later, my dream seems to shift and I am with some unknown people (or composite variations of male classmates from high school) in a casual street scene. One asks me if I had been “damaged”, referring to my childhood and relationship with my brother Earl (died November 29, 2007 at only 67), and my response is a cheerful confirmation that I had not been. He was not mean-spirited or abusive in any way, even though he did steal from family members at times.

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Night of June 3, 2014. Tuesday.



I am moving out into this astounding landscape which is somewhat forest-like and somewhat (less dense) jungle-like, and slightly marsh-like. I am fully lucid for a time. The beauty is extraordinary and breathtaking, and everything seems to glow with an inner radiance (such as when looking at a photographic negative and black shadowy areas become white “light” and so on).

I approach this large sphere-shaped “cage” that may not actually be a cage but some sort of protective construct of what is inside. What is inside is an unknown black-haired female, sometimes moving into a fetal position, with a few items of inverted-clover jewelry set with very small stones and a silver belly-button inset item that is also like inverted (four-leaf) clover, but she is mostly hovering in the air (as if there is no gravity inside the structure), though there appear to be some sort of elaborate blankets and such inside as well; coppery and silvery, and some of a cobalt impression. The “bars” of the globe-like structure are at various random angles and distance from each other, and somewhat like a mix of spiderweb, silky and white “faux Spanish moss”, some sort of “raggedy” white felt, and some sort of pearl-like sparse “wire”. The trapezoidal space between these “bars” at the area of their most distant separation is enough to allow her to almost crawl out, I think. However, several times, the “bars” actually seem to be more like an energy form only, as they move into different uneven patterns randomly, similar to Z-like and Y-like forms, looking somewhat like globules of trailing spilled milk or perhaps organic or mist-like and tendril-like energy.

I approach the “cage” (which is hovering in the air with nothing attached and about a foot from the marshy ground) and her eyes glow with a turquoise luminescence, bordering on teal and leaving a lighter blue “afterglow” when turning her head (most all of her eyes - not just the irises). For a short time, I touch her fingers (the “bars” feel like some sort of algae-like texture blended with felt and I almost get the impression of quickly fizzing small bubbles on the surface) and feel a mild current of electricity that is just on the threshold of causing numbness. I ask her who she is and she simply stretches out her legs and floats upward more and I hear this sound like pool balls continuously hitting each other but slightly softer. She blows a kiss (or similar - it seems more like she is “sending energy”), but with her hand at the right side of her mouth in a vertical position rather than the typical horizontal and fingers forward extension.

A group of “tourists” are absentmindedly walking by, a couple nearly tripping on blades of grass (which really is not that long) giving the impression that it is their first time walking on grass or earth. I notice a large lion a short distance away. It opens its mouth, its tongue comes out (becoming a “red carpet”) and it sort of lies down on its stomach and appears more like some sort of ancient building for a time. I look inside of its mouth from a closer position and notice it is like looking into a passageway of stone blocks and there even seems to be torches higher on the “walls” inside.

The casually-dressed “leader” of the tourist group indicates that all the people (about fifteen or so) should follow him into the “building”. They walk into the “doorway” and turn down the implied hallway inside until they are all out of view. The lion then closes his mouth, blinks sleepily and begins to wash itself like a young cat and starts purring. I walk up to the lion and look into his eyes as if they were like a pair of binoculars. The people inside seem to be lost and confused and looking for the exit. Oh well… “Oh the humanity” I cheerfully joke, and start rolling on the ground laughing…

Morning of May 18, 2014. Sunday.



In the first section of the dream, I am with my wife and we are outside in some sort of unusual version of the backyard in Cubitis. Oddly, more to the east, is some sort of unusual version of my sister Marilyn’s house. As is often the case, this composite is unique, not having been a (fictional) location in any other dream. I am only semi-lucid at this point. My youngest son is playing in a narrow ditch oriented east-west. It is a warm day. A black male and his wife and younger son (about the same age as my youngest son) fly down and land farther to the east in a helicopter. Although he carries a gun (possibly just for protection), there does not seem to be any threat.

Meanwhile, I hold my hands up and forward and water emerges with a large amount of force from the palms of my hands and fills the ditch in a short time so that my son can swim in it. Over time, I do unusual tricks with the water; I somehow will the water (with a sequence of hand motions similar to portal rituals) to come up to make a temporary translucent “wall” and enjoy other variations of forms, seeming to have full control of the water molecules. My wife and I enjoy the imagery as I work with shaping the water molecules into various forms, including cylindrical and conical forms that hover in the air for a short time before falling back into the body of water as dispersed drops and with very vivid and clear splashes.

The other man and his family watch for a time. Later, we are sitting on the porch and enjoying a bit of a “magic show” I do, but it mostly only relates to smaller things, such as restoring torn apart envelopes, and restoring teeth broken off a comb. Once I restore everything in the immediate environment, the family starts to leave in the helicopter. However, at this point, my wife says that the pilot and a couple other males are stealing the barbecue she had bought for a neighbor as a birthday present, so, without them noticing I mentally float the box to about roof level and manage to get it on its way by going a little higher and to the back of our house and beyond, assuming it will reach its destination.

The first part of the next section starts with me being in the large, fancy bedroom of a seemingly unknown house. My sister and her husband are there. Apparently, my wife has transformed into some sort of in-dream entity and is much younger, a bit thin (but not unattractively so) and with a more powerful, yet more youthful voice and longer hair. My sister seems to know my wife’s family and how she was “adopted” (she was not in real life) and in fact, had taken over her adoption at one point in the past. This may seem strange, but it directly relates to a dream I had before meeting my wife where she moved past the windows of my room and was then having a very long conversation with my sister (when she was still alive) about me (seemingly not knowing I was watching them), which I will write about later.

I start to feel a change within myself, unlike any I have felt before. It is as if I am the origin of consciousness. There is talk about how people who are “not human” - which implies myself and my wife, have to pretend so much to be of a certain consensus and state of mind for a time to “get along” with humans.

I hold out my right hand to show my brother-in-law a trick. Being able to create fire, air, water (and in the past, grains of dirt) from the palms of my hands, a typical dream ability for me, I focus and “allow” a large reddish-orange flame to move up and grow in size and then after a “whooshing” sound, it fades. I do this a couple times. My brother-in-law explains that he is actually like me in the sense of not being human, and explains that he has to pretend not to be made of ice (apparently being an “ice elemental”). (In real life his IQ was only around 70 and he could not read or write - but sometimes pretended to and often ended up giving letters to the wrong people and pretended to read a newspaper at times - but he still worked long and hard for many years.) Unfortunately, he sounds even less intelligent (entering that Roger-Miller-like intellectual disability but in baritone) showing his “true” ice elemental form than his human form, which I say nothing about and just sort of go along with it.

My sister and her husband are going out, and it dawns on me that this means I am the Source. It is my dream alone. The affirmations I have developed this year have incredible power (and I have learned they affect other people), and it looks like the “gate” was finally “opened”. I am in a state of sensual bliss and peace before I even actively indulge in sensual bliss directly. The thought amuses me greatly. Obviously, there is only one thing to do…

I ask my wife in her present form if she had ever been with a male before and she says “yes” quite passively yet with a discernible degree of assertiveness of experience - which seems quite odd, because the question seems metaphorical and she has only just recently been “born” into the world (and having “instant intelligence” as with the formation of tulpa-based dream character development I had started a few months back). Still, that does not seem to matter. Her name has transformed into “Sharon Rabbit”. I suppose this sounds hilarious because it sounds like a play on “sharing a rabbit”. She has a middle name that I see on an adoption document - and it starts with “C” - but I am not positive of what it is - it looks a bit like “comely” at one point. Sharon Comely Rabbit. Dreams certainly lack more realistic names, do they not? However, I can be certain there really are people called Sharon Rabbit, so ignore my blathering here. (In fact, I had made some sort of remark to my sister about why the surname was “Rabbit” which seemed to relate to having more children than average.)

We lie down on the bed (and the scene plays out almost as if exactly planned but this dream was not scripted at all), and from there, it is a bit too personal to go into the diverse details. I can make notes on some things. The sense of touch (in fact, all senses) was more vivid and intense than in real life as well as being more “focused”. Her silky flowing hair was like intoxicating perfume, building in layers of bliss (almost like a growing echo upon echo effect in sound until it grows into one roaring peak - which modern digital equipment cannot even begin to handle like the old analogue did), and her voice was so harmonious, flowing, and sensual, it flowed into my body and out again as if my body was like a speaker cone or amplifier (rendering most other human voices I have heard in real life seem dull and annoying in comparison - but I suppose that was the attraction in the first place in reality), very hard to put into words (this seems to have been foreshadowed by the dream where my wife’s skin had “ripples” and “waves” like the ocean). There was such a realistic sense of physical connection and orientation - it is also hard to put into words. Even so, this precise level of size orientation and audio and even location did not reflect anything ever experienced in this manner dream-wise. (Often my dreams have odd distortions in size, by magnification or shrinking - often being that my hands seem magnified and cars seem way too small to be able to get into - in the past, houses were sometimes like this, and there are often changes in distance perception as well.) From here, my wife’s real voice joins with the “vibrations” of the in-dream one and I am instantly awake with no discernible difference in perception.

I have validated my work fully and now understand how to do it whenever I want - I guess once again, simple “knowing” and the practice of such paid off (over twenty years more intensely working with word patterns and various types of phrasing and focus at various levels). I thought something was different last night, when I was doing “sending affirmations” (for about six hours - the amount of time some people spend passively watching television, unfortunately) in still states and getting more than the usual “feedback”, almost audibly - often, this “feedback” has a few “negative phrases” or “denial responses” that imply duality such as id and ego boundaries - or seemingly telepathic “break-ins” by other people which are really annoying, but this time, there were none at all. This dream was probably the most “stable” I have had to date and not only that, I was fully myself with no distortions of mood or emotion. My true self, I suppose. Full unity.

Night of May 18, 2014. Sunday.



I seem to be in a large kitchen, though not bodily present, that is, I do not seem to possess my illusory dream self’s body. It may be the set of one of those nonsensical reality television cooking shows (none of which we have ever watched).

I notice more and more heads of lettuce and cabbages on a large table (not a kitchen counter). There seem to be many varieties, of which are mostly green, some leaves having light stripes. I look more closely inside the leaves, mentally willing them to spread (by way of semi-lucidity), and under their leaves, I sometimes see a human eye. This seems to be perfectly natural. I also see a few white plates and large knives.

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Dreams are known to be autosymbolic of the sleeping, dreaming, and waking processes of RAS mediation. Therefore, I can easily determine that this is an incidental playful association with “heads” of lettuce as a secondary factor of subliminal incidental focus on REM sleep (REM meaning Rapid Eye Movement, though the singular lettuce eyes were not moving rapidly due to the lack of temporality in the dream state).

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Morning of May 15, 2014. Thursday.

Dream #: 17,314-04. Reading time: 2 min 45 sec.



I am riding in a landau with Zsuzsanna either late at night or early in the morning before dawn in Rochester, Minnesota. I get the feeling we are enjoying an expensive tour. The unknown coachman is on our left as I sit in the middle. At one point, we are going down 2nd Street SW so that when we turn right, we will go past the Mayo Clinic Baldwin Building. There are many high buildings adjacent to the streets. There is no other traffic or any other people.

What is surreal about this scene is that the small brown horse pulling the carriage is nearly half a city block ahead of us on a very long lead rein. It seems to be like this so that tourists cannot take control or cause the landau to go in a different direction. Even so, the lead rein seems too slack for feasible control of the horse. I wonder what will happen when we get to an intersection and have to turn the corner.

When the horse reaches the intersection and turns right, we have to stop. We have to get out of the carriage to push and align it to the perpendicular street to continue our journey. I consider we will probably have to do this several times before we get to our destination. Zsuzsanna and I decide to walk.

In a room on the second floor of the hotel, I find a television broadcast annoying, but I am unsure how to turn it off. Zsuzsanna is on the bed, and there is an unusual movement over her skin, like a ripple effect (reminiscent of moderate ocean waves).

Later, I am in a library where there are many other people. I am standing in an area near a long table that is mostly to my right. A young male approaches me and pulls something out of my left plaid shirt pocket with his right hand. It is a Mars candy bar wrapper. He throws it on the table while claiming it is against library policy for anyone to carry a card in their pocket. His activity makes no sense to me, and I decide to punch him and knock him to the floor.

My instinctual awareness of being in the dream state increases to full recognition I am dreaming. I leave the library, though it is now part of a larger building. I follow two people out into the hall as I see it is like a college I went to and later worked at in maintenance in La Crosse.

I walk westerly down the hall. I see through the glass doors that sparse raindrops are falling outside. It now seems to be winter. I feel anticipation because I enjoy walking and flying in the rain in dreams, and I know it will vivify my dreaming experience. When I walk outside, the rain is stopping. I walk down the alley, and my awareness seems to fade only slightly.

I am sitting on the ground. I look out from the end of the alley and notice a pair of feminine legs that shine with a golden light. (It is a pale gold but then closer to canary yellow, but at one point, it looks mottled with white or paler yellow). The unknown girl stands near a parked car. She is briefly talking on a payphone but then on her cell phone. She is wearing a short dark blue skirt and black stilettos. For a time, I can only see her from the waist down due to a low tree branch blocking the rest of the scene. I am intrigued.

Otherwise, she seems to be an ordinary woman engaging in everyday activities. When I get up and go closer, I see her walking a bit north from the car, but she stops and looks at me as if expecting me to say something. My dream fades as her glowing skin dims somewhat.

My liminal awareness arises to full recognition of being in transition in my dream relative to the shifting somatosensory dynamics and my physical orientation in bed (a factor more sustained in childhood).

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Morning of May 15, 2014. Thursday.

Dream #: 17,314-04 decoding. Reading time (optimized): 2 min.

This entry explains the dream content causation of “Long Rein, Short Rain, Candy Bar Wrapper, Golden Legs,” a long dreaming experience that includes the usual dreaming processes and liminal navigation caused by being in REM sleep.

The horse is the simulacrum that anticipates achieving control over my physical body during the waking transition. The lead rein is too long because of the instinctual recognition that I cannot move my body as long as I am asleep. The unknown coachman is this dream’s kinaesthetic personification, a factor of my duality caused by dreaming and a model of the ambiguity of liminal space.

An intersection models synaptic gating while dreaming as a result of being in REM sleep. The horse turns to the right, an expectation I will move to my right upon waking, as I sleep on my left side.

(The woman with gold legs at the end of my dream is also to my right. She represents the same factor. Both are focused on the anticipation of leg movement that is only possible when awake, other than myoclonus.)

The next scene validates I am dreaming, as it features a bed in a fictitious hotel room. There is an instinctual recognition of the imaginary somatosensory perceptions of dreaming that creates ripples on Zsuzsanna’s skin.

A library correlates with cerebral activity and seeking to read. Somatosensory dynamics are still perceived, though the illusion features a candy bar wrapper someone takes from my shirt pocket. I think of enhancing my imaginary experience with the sensation of rain on my skin (also a form of virtual melatonin mediation). The candy bar wrapper reminds me my dream body’s skin is not real. I assume the card referred to is an identification card, so this is confirming my dream self is neither my waking-life identity nor can viably read in the imaginary library.

Gold becomes predominant in my dreams when closer to the threshold of the final waking process and represents the daytime (as a circadian rhythm factor) and coming into awareness of daylight. Here, it has dual associations with the recognition my body is immobile as I sleep, and the wakefulness personification has golden legs. She is also communicating, first by payphone (requiring standing up), and by cell phone, and then by looking directly at my imaginary dream self.

My entire dream stems from the seeking of the mind-body connection that is only viable when awake, from resolving sleep atonia (with minor anticipation of myoclonus) to preparing to walk. (I am lying on the ground in the final scene, after sitting up, becoming more aware of my body’s sleeping position. This factor is a common attribute of my dreaming history.)

The selection of the simulacra as the kinaesthetic dynamics seem ultimately random. Even so, a horse is more likely to kick (myoclonus), though over time (my dream being longer than average), the woman with “daylight legs” appears after I look out from the end of an alley (in becoming more aware of physical immobility while sleeping).

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