MoSh's DJ: The Best Dream Journal in The Universe.

Posting a day earlier than usual due to the subject matter. (this is especially for Jamie if she reads these.)

Drugs

I'm at some woman's house. A woman is sitting in front of a coffee table. (Not sure if this was Jamie since she looked older.) On the table is a giant line of white powder. The woman is explaining to me that this is enough drugs to kill someone. She takes a razor and cuts a small section away and says this is safe. She was explaining it was a new psychedelic or something. The dream fades

what?

I'm in chilliwack or something... I'm with a woman that is supposed to be my future wife. We get into cars shaped like hearses... (that's not ominous at all..) The woman is older but when she smiles at me I recognize Jamie. We are holding one another.

I wake up... I get a weird voice that sounds like Jesus say, "I will take care of you after Jamie commits suicide." I'm like: what? I check in with her voice all day and she seems normal and fine.

next night:

Theater

A dream unrelated to Jamie. I was with a group of people and we went into a strange theater.

There was another small flash of Jamie but can't remember the subject matter.

I wake up and that same voice startles me again this morning with, "She's days away from passing away.". I spend some time in prayer asking Jesus if this is really him saying this? Is there anything I can do? Is this real, or am I losing my mind? The guy is just quiet on this. After some time I gt a sense to just put it in my dream journal and maybe he said.

now I'm not sure how to take these impressions. Especially since Jesus revealed to me in a big way, some months ago, a different future in mind for me and Jamie. Why would he suddenly contradict that? Or is it really him saying this? If it is a warning, maybe the drug dream is related. When Me and Jamie were friends I know she was into reckless drug use - her sometimes defending it as being harmless, like nothing bad is going to happen to her. But then again she was reckless after moving during an episode. Regarding that: I don't even touch any drug anymore or alcohol. I don't mind people smoking weed, but anything experimental or dangerous is not, nor will ever be, a part of my life.

I already lost a borderline Cousin to drugs. The one that died a few years ago. I remember at a time she was doing well, volunteering for police, doing all the necessary things so she could see her kids. Then she fell for the wrong guy, and went downhill over the next few years. This is why I also pray against counterfeit lovers that me or Jamie might encounter.

But seriously, allow me to list some of the people in my age group that I've lost to drug related stuff. My friend in chilliwack i went to high school with, his sister. A drummer me and my brother use to play with. Mine and my brother's other friend Brian, who's pregnant girlfriend found him hanging in a closet. My old neighbor in lethbridge, who got with the wrong woman, (She had a history of seducing men and using that to get them addicted to drugs. I still can't believe that people like that actually exist, but alas, I've seen the results).

So real or not, I feel i must leave a warning about this. I don't know if Jamie currently does any kind of drugs or anything as it's some years later. Borderlines do have a high statistics in suicide rate. I believe she's past that average age where attempts happen so at least pat herself on the back for making it past that. I've personally seen her grandiose side, that feels like nothing bad can happen to her. It obviously can. I'm posting this because It's real or I'm crazy - but it's out of concern. I, for one, remember that when when there wasn't a bunch of BS power struggles, that me and her got along better than anybody - and iot would be nice to have that again. We deserve a better ending than what happened.

Jesus said in prayer for jamie just to go to him with your concerns, he's always there.

Finally, some good Jamie dreams!

Jamie 1

I'm driving down a street in a red car with Jamie. It's a nice sports car with stripes down the middle. It's not like that one car I've seen her in with the not quite red and not quite brown color. She's saying to me, " when we are talking again in person I'm going to make you my boyfriend." I guess that's how she already thinks of me in relation to dreams and possibly head voice... She means when we finally talk in person it's going to be For real fr.

Jamie 2

Jamie is telling someone, maybe praying... She's saying, "Make sure Robert gets lots of reassurance." I guess reassurance that she's coming in eventually.

I guess both of us, with our emotional problems.. we both going to need a lot of reassurance. Already experienced a phase of this with the head voice relationship. She was constantly checking in and so was I. And we both equally were able to provide. What others might consider too clingy or toxic, we both feel that level of giving and receiving attention good for us, which is why I think we are the best together. Nowadays we mostly check in at night and seem to be happy with that.

Jamie 3

I see her camping and making out with some guy by a fire. . .
That better have just been a dream.

Jamie 4

Standing by Jamie in a kitchen by a stove. From a pot she grabs a large spoonful of gravy and feeds it to me. She just was smiling while doing so.

Did she know I had roast, potatoes and gravy last night?

One dream

I was on a bed with Jamie. We were joking around. I put a towel over my head to jokingly imitate her. She kissed me. It was slow at first, but I was going all in with it. She then matched what I was doing... Then woke up fast.

Only 1 dream. Jamie wanted to show me what her BPD is like. So she had a grill as big as the room. There was a pound of chicken on one side all spiced up. And a pound of hamburger, also spiced up, on the other side. Sounds like you eat good.

All kidding aside, of course I will never know completely what she goes through. What I experience is a mild form of it. When I knew her more personality. I got the whole experience of having her as a FP. Where your entire well being depends how they treat what day. And when I knew she would most likely never talk to me again... Worst feeling ever. I was physically ill. Felt like dying, or having an arm cut off and you still hallucinate it there. I had a gf cheat on me. Family and friends die . Nothing even came close to losing my FP. Would never wish that experience on my worst enemy. FR.

Today is June 29. Special day for me, I guess... For I have always seen that number in relation to Jamie. I was going to deliver today, but I was very tired today. Jesus told me to rest today when he cleared my house of the rest of it's occupants for the day spent some time in prayer bringing all my distress to Him. And reserved many prayers for Jamie as well.

Had some better dreams
. Jamie 1

Vague dream. Something about Jamie being at the Staples store in olds. Then me, or her driving down the main road through olds. Looking at people and remembering how different the world seemed in 2011 when me and Jamie worked together. How that summer seemed like 4k instead of today's less saturated 1080 p.

Jamie 2

I remember just standing outside somewhere and Jamie ( seeing her as another girl I used to work with named Julie). She smiles and gives me a big hug. She says something like, "Wow, I can't believe it's been over 10 years since I've seen you." The hug feels nice and warm.

Yeah GL pretending like we haven't seen eachother in the last year, with her drive bys and us passing eachother on 2A clearly seeing one another.

Fun fact: The Julie girl I worked with maybe 4 years ago. At one time I left the first church I went to because I felt like I was being called out. I was struggling with some sins etc and not paying attention to Jesus and wondering if he gave up on me. Well, Julie ran up to me at work one day and asked if I knew Jesus. I said: yes. And Julie said, " I was hiking with my friend from Youth group and she blurted out to me: You work with a guy named Robert right? Well Jesus just told me he really loves that guy!"

Friend

I was with some family visiting a friend in Canmore. Irl the guy is a friend of me and my brother from his high school years. A guy that took his own life. Anyway we go into a fast food place and order some food. We are waiting for what seems like hours for the food. I keep thinking we must have ordered at another restaurant and we came back to the wrong restaurant. We agreed to leave Burger King because we all remember ordering at A&W instead. So we leave and go down some old steps to the sidewalk. My memory fades after.

I'm glad I had a nice Jamie dream

Just a quick flash of Jamie. It was so fast I don't know what it was about. But she seemed good.

What happened to my dream recall?

2 dreams.

Not sure if these were Jamie or not
.

One dream I'm walking down a street during the day. I pass by a black rottweiler with a pink collar. It pays me a compliment. I forgot what it was. But I said thank you back.

Second dream. I'm in a living room and see my dog. I pet him and then use him as a pillow. The same black female dog comes up and smiles at me and lays down near us.

I'm seeing Jamie as a dog now???

Also, was in Olds today standing in a parking lot. Saw some guy drive by and some girl sitting beside him. Didn't see clearly but the hair reminded me of Jamie. Now I don't really know if I suffer mild traits of BPD or not. But whatever it is - it was set off. Now I'm getting confusion with the voice again. Her voice doesn't check in as much during the day. Our late night prayers and sweet talk is still consistent though. Reacting to abandonment real or imagined.. yep, sums it up. It's hard having a " relationship" with someone in dreams and spirit. Especially when they refuse to actually talk to you. It's a real problem.

Can't remember too much non lucid dreams. Jamie is still around.


Jamie 1

I'm in something like a video game. A shooting game. Maybe Fortnite. I see someone so I go into a garage to sneak a right hand peak. It's Jamie though and she runs to me. We embrace in a big hug and start making out. In the back of my mind I'm worried about getting banned for teaming.

Last night

Jamie 2

Jamie is dropping me off at my house in a fancy car. I get out and say before I close the door, "please come back sometime." She smiles and drives off. The look in her eyes, however, seem a bit grandiose. Like she's not smiling because she wants to see me. But because of my statement she feels a little full of herself. I've been praying on the spirit of pride within her lately .

Jamie 3

In a white space. Jamie does something kind of gross at me. Not sure if she's trying to make me laugh or trying to offend. Maybe the dream energies in her are wrong again.

Can't remember too much non lucid dreams. Jamie is still around.


Jamie 1

I'm in something like a video game. A shooting game. Maybe Fortnite. I see someone so I go into a garage to sneak a right hand peak. It's Jamie though and she runs to me. We embrace in a big hug and start making out. In the back of my mind I'm worried about getting banned for teaming.

Last night

Jamie 2

Jamie is dropping me off at my house in a fancy car. I get out and say before I close the door, "please come back sometime." She smiles and drives off. The look in her eyes, however, seem a bit grandiose. Like she's not smiling because she wants to see me. But because of my statement she feels a little full of herself. I've been praying on the spirit of pride within her lately .

Jamie 3

In a white space. Jamie does something kind of gross at me. Not sure if she's trying to make me laugh or trying to offend. Maybe the dream energies in her are wrong again.

Not much improvement at all...

Jamie 1

I go to her house. But it's a trailer. She opens her door but is dressed like a trailer trash man, but still a girl. Dirty white shirt etc. she seems to be happy to see me. That's all I remember.

Bears

I'm with someone. Might be Jamie, not sure. We encounter some bears while camping. I'm terrified they are going to kill us but they turn out friendly

Did she choose the bear?

Jamie 2

Black space dream finally. But not a good one. Jamie is on a motorcycle in a fancy leather suit. She gives me an, " I'm better than you," and doesn't smile. She speeds off as if to leave me in the dust..
Reminds me of her attitude when I saw her in the store last August. I guess it's not just Shame that keeps her from even saying,"hi " to me. Other days it's grandiose ego- pride. Hmm what did I do wrong now?

Not much improvement at all...

Jamie 1

I go to her house. But it's a trailer. She opens her door but is dressed like a trailer trash man, but still a girl. Dirty white shirt etc. she seems to be happy to see me. That's all I remember.

Bears

I'm with someone. Might be Jamie, not sure. We encounter some bears while camping. I'm terrified they are going to kill us but they turn out friendly

Did she choose the bear?

Jamie 2

Black space dream finally. But not a good one. Jamie is on a motorcycle in a fancy leather suit. She gives me an, " I'm better than you," and doesn't smile. She speeds off as if to leave me in the dust..
Reminds me of her attitude when I saw her in the store last August. I guess it's not just Shane that keeps her from even saying,"hi " to me. Other days it's grandiose ego- pride. Hmm what did I do wrong now?

Still bad recall.

Jamie

Just a brief flash of dreaming from Jamie's perspective. Just of looking out a window down a dirt road .


Jamie 2

I'm in a house on a farm. I seem to be living there. My brother is there. Jamie is there playing a video game or something. She has red hair dyed. Reminds me of this girl on Tiktok who used to be an O/F star but she got saved by Jesus and gave it all up. I ask Jamie if she's playing fortnite. On the screen all I see is a millennium falcon flying over the map. She just nods.

Jamie 3

Long dream but can't remember. I'm supposed to go on a bus trip or something. I'm assigned to sit next to her. But we haven't talked yet, so I'm really uncomfortable and nervous.


Kind of miss the more affectionate dreams. And what happened to the black space dreams? They were so vivid.

Bad recall, mainly due to stress. Didn't drive the weekend.

Jamie


One flash. It's audio only she's saying, " look we found treasure!!!"



Poker

I was in a room sitting down at a poker game. There were no chips, just using real coins. I looked away from my stack and looked back. I had only pennies left. I accused someone of stealing my money. They didn't like that.

At least the Jamie dream I had was good!

Tomorrow is her birthday. I'm sad I can't see her in person yet. But here's hoping I can have a good birthday dream with her in it.

Schedule changed again. Doing delivery in red deer.. gas is expensive... Will be working long days. Already hindering dream recall.

Jamie 1

Just a flash of Jamie asking me, "Do you want an *** only relationship?" Won't mention specific things on here. And no it's nothing to do with an open relationship.. ( just google success rates of open marriages...)

Jamie 2

Just a flash of Jamie looking out of a motel room. Better be me that she's meeting...

Jamie 3

Jamie is asking Lou, the British manager from our work days ( the only solid manager that worked there), " Do you think Robert would like my hair how it is?" Dream fades before I hear an answer.

Next night

Jamie 4

A long but blurry dream. I'm driving around like crazy. Jamie is asleep in the backseat. Later she's walking around with some girl and they have crazy hairstyles..

( Maybe a metaphor for my delivery driving. I'm speaking to the voice less and less during the day because of it. )

Handful of Jamie dreams. Oh yeah, Jamie's birthday is coming up. Too bad we don't talk in person yet. I apologize in advance if I am unable to do anything on her birthday.

lol

I was in a house with some people. I was sitting on a couch. I saw someone coming from the kitchen into the living room. I decided to make a funny face. It was Gina walking in. She made a funny face at me back. I told Jamie sitting next to me that it was Gina. Jamie looked happy and got up and followed Gina into another area. I began to follow them but they vanished. I went back to where the kitchen was but found a strange bed and some steps leading upstairs. I went back to the living room. There was a guy there and his face was all black. His face was covered in Nano bots or something. They started jumping onto me...

Last night:

Vehicle

Long dream where I was searching for Jamie but couldn't find her. I stole her vehicle from the farm. In this dream it was a van but the color scheme of her old car, the one we used to talk in a lot. I drove it out to the desert. I was really depressed that I couldn't find her. I parked by a pond or something. I noticed something on her dashboard. It was a piece of paper... From some other guy who was in love with her. Why was she keeping this?!?!?!?

I woke up and was slightly paranoid. you know how they joke that people with borderline symptoms - if they get a cheating dream, they act liek the person really cheating. Well if you share dreams especially it sometimes feels like that...

Dishes

I walk into a kitchen, And Jamie is there. She's doing dishes and says to me, "I'm doing the dishes for you this time, so you don't always have to do them."
And like that she's back to normal. I will refrain from making obvious Anti-feminist jokes here...

At least I had one good dream with her in it.