ZenLD

summary:
no dreams
further questions
planning



Pretty tired. Probably typos, probably lots of things I've missed. Probably even ideas that I'm not conveying properly, or it may even offensive for some reason to some people but it's just a typo or miscommunication; I hope you with your glowing heart of gold can understand my linguistic shortcomings with sleep totaling less than 8 hours in the past 3 days and with English being my third language. You don't have to read it you know? You really don't if you dislike me, or the way I write. But we're all just doing our best to get better at lucid dreaming aren't we? Can't we all just be friends? Allies and compadres working towards our each individual goals? I don't know why. Some people get mad, just because of the way I write. Is it just the excess use of commas or something?
Maybe I'm asking too much. I'm sorry if I am. I love you, and thanks for giving the time of your day to read my thoughts, my struggles, and realization of my lucidity.



Recall
I slept much like the previous 2 days. I planned to do a WBTB after 5 hours of sleep since I didn't do WBTB (intentionally) for a couple of days now. I set the alarm but I awoke probably after about 3 hours or so. I wanted to go back to sleep but I noticed. I noticed that I was having that laziness of becoming unaware. So I fought that urge. Not exactly sure how long. Maybe 5-20 min. So I decided to get up. Might as well get a glass of water and become aware, then go back to bed. I proceeded to grab water, then went back. When I came back I wanted to meditate a little to refresh my mind. Did it my legs felt a bit numb and I let go of tension and attachment. Not much tension but more attachment. I went back to bed to sleep. But I had thoughts. I was thoughts about what I'd written the previous day. About “how would I do it?” I thought to my self how would I do things differently. I also had a tiny thought that maybe I would just get no dreams again tonight. Some thoughts came up. I was trying to sleep but I just decided to write them down. I really believed they were good ideas. Because something felt like it clicked in me. I just jotted a bit and went back to bed. I laid there and the wbtb alarm went off. I really didn't feel sleepy so I thought I might as well complete my ideas and so I did that. I thought that this was more important. More important than just ensuring a lucid dream today. Because thinking as the version of me that's super at lucid dreaming, would I care if I missed one? I wouldn't right? If I had a great idea that made me better at it long term, I'd totally go for that. And besides, if I took a short nap or two later on, I'd have a pretty good chance to get lucid anyways right?



In the end I didn't go back to bed, didn't really feel that sleepy. Maybe it's because I'm getting better at meditation. No dreams. And I never, almost never have such little dreams. Except for before on two different cases:
1 if I meditated too hard the day before or
2 if I was trying out a polyphasic (like multiple wbtb) schedule with 2 hour sleep total a day.
I guess #1 did happen
I feel like this thought is beginning to trail for too long. I'll try to wrap it up.



Could try to recall a dream from few days ago again. Maybe just 1 since I'm a little tired.



Dream from few days ago:
I was on the second floor of a hotel building. Maybe it's like a motel. Somewhere in between. Could be like a hotel/condo/apartment/motel. But let's just say it was a hotel. It had 2 floors and the whole building was rectangular and the middle of it was hollow with a garden of ornamental plants and grass. So imagine a wall build around a garden, but the area that would be a the wall, the inside parts of it would be where the doors to the rooms were. Styled like tropical asian country sort of feel. The plants were tropical. The top floor had ledge around it that you could look at the garden by looking over it. I looked down at the garden form the entrance of my room which was at the very end of the building. The first floor was reserved for VIP for some reason. I think it was because it had the garden.



Looking down, I began to see gators, many alligators just chomp plants there for some reason. One of the plants were unknown and the dream told me that, or it asserted non-verbally to me, that the plants sort of mind controlled the alligators. It was a short shrub around the height of my wrist and hand, not as wide. About the wrist length wide. It was light green and very leafy, looked very soft. It was then that I noticed that the residents of the first floor were also sort of mesmerized by these plants. It was like they were mind controlled by them. Couple of us went down there to drive them away, but it wasn't easy. There were so many of them and the grassheads (people that were controlled by the plant), were just resisting us in a very united manner. Fought our way through, I'm not sure how. Memory foggy here. I know stuff happened just this part is unclear now.
But I ended up near the room right under mine, or the one next door to mine. We were huddled up in a sorft of a corner that was near the room like this “ [: “ where the colon would be about the 4-6 of us with a bit of a deeper caved in area for us to huddle.
To my immediate left was Samuel Jackson there. He was telling me something important. Telling me something in the tone of “Be what you want to be” or “go for what you want”, something like that. But I told him “but I failed, and failed so many times... I wasn't sure if I could do it.” He just looked at me in silence. I began crying. His eyes. They said they believed in me. His strong piercing eyes – he didn't need to say a thing to tell me exactly what he wanted to say. He gave me time to let it sink in. He gave me time so that I could release, to let my emotions out.



I woke up feeling really released.






Lucidity
*Thoughts I had after wbtb, I feel like it's related to lucidity.



Maybe what I wrote is too long. I'll shorten it to get the basic idea of it down here.
If I was lucid dreaming at the highest level, how would I deal with non-lucidity? Instead of looking at what I did right to get lucid, I'd look at what I did wrong. Assuming that I'd be pretty much always lucid, then the cause of unawareness would be easy to identify. Maybe Something in that dream made me unaware. And if it's related to a specific object or a person, then I could identify that and improve on that. But what if I didn't have dreams to recall of today or could not find the answer in the dreams? I'd look at the day's event before and check at what moment I was more unaware and try to improve on that. Focus on that one thing, perhaps a specific task or when conversing with a specific person or something like that. Then I'd single mindedly improve only one that thing until I perfect it. Instead of trying to get everything, I'd focus on only one. Yet on that one thing I'd practice it over and over till perfection.
For instance, if I wanted to learn a new song, I'd learn it syllable by syllable, each word and letter and sound. Work on one tiny spot at a time. And it wouldn't take very long to reach that specific perfection – my own perfection that I seek. But If I were to try to sing all of the song at once, and just repeat it over and over and over again. I'd never improve. While former may take only a day, the latter, I could take weeks and months and it could still suck then, progress might just plateau just because I'd be so bored of listening to that same darn song so many time over and over again.
And isn't that the same with All Day Awareness? Trying to do it all, all of it perfectly at once? Wouldn't it be the same? ADA could be achieved in very short time. But without a plan it wouldn't make a dent on progress.
And maybe that's “how” hukif did what he did. Because from what I've read of his statements on how he achieved what he did, it would mirror what I've just written. Maybe if he was to read this, maybe he could answer it since I can only guess. But I recall him saying, he was pretty lazy with his GRC and just practiced when he felt like it. But he practiced just that one thing. He didn't try to do it all day long. He just focused on that tiny piece of thing until he reached his own perfection.



But on second thought, no , that probably isn't the same thing. Because it's easy to just learn a song from someone else because you have something to reference. But this is more like writing your own song from scratch. You not only have to have inspirations, but also so many more things. It take time. Emulating another might work though, if we had a way to know exactly how someone who's really good at ADA or lucid dreaming go about their thought process in a very thorough detail. Obviously you can't go about recording their dream experience or their though process in real time, so instead perhaps their day to day thought process. For instance, if we were able to have a record of say, someone who's mastered the stuff, their entire thought process for the day, or maybe even them having a go pro, let's say for one day if they were to commentate their whole day as they go through. It'd be like this:

LD'er: “Oh, we just walked by a tree didn't we? I was thinking... blah blah blah and I decided to reality check here because, blahb blah blah... and that's why I know I'm not dreaming”
It'd be kind of like a stream of just regular “life of LD'er”
or like a hourly report of their thought processes.
It's probably asking for too much but an interesting idea nonetheless. I wouldn't mind paying to watch that though honestly.









Goals:
Follow my own advice from earlier statements. Find that one thing. Or actually ask yourself what that one thing you should focus on becoming aware of is. And don't rush. Just take your sweet declicious time to decide what you want to focus on. Because I always rushed to try to improve something. Without really feeling it, thinking it through. If it takes a day to figure it out then so be it. And if a week that's fine too. Take however much time you want.
It'd be like just painting the walls without really having a plan or a vision. I could paint every color I find and it would look horrible. It would take a while go through each color by trial and error. when I could have just imagined how it would look like in my head, or even just photo shop the color on.


Again, just take some time and ask yourself how you'd do it.

**STICK with what you're doing though. I think it's working. It doesn't matter if last few days resulted in no dreams. It doesn't matter. You can always go back to what you were doing before and go back to your regular mediocre amounts of lucidity. But follow through this thing you're doing until the 23rd. I can't explain it. It's like within me, something is just telling me that it's working. I'm not getting any negative feelings or thoughts like "this isn't working" from this. That none of these temporary shortcoming actually mean anything. Am I actually doing exactly the right thing? You'll succeed, and even if you fail, you learn something and only get better.

So what's left there to say? Stop thinking. Do that which you do in full confidence, ease and grace in your own divine perfection.