Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

As I held the baby, a very old anxiety surged. I can't stand up while holding a baby. I couldn't even do so with my 4. When I do, I'm bombarded by the sound of a skull cracking against a hard floor. I'm terrified of dropping babies.
The second time I held her, I actually got dizzy. I told myself to knock it off and it passed quickly. But, really, wth? I've been around a lot of babies throughout my life. I've never seen or heard one drop. I've never dropped one myself. Why the anxiety lol

Oh god.... I hate holding babies for this reason. When I see people passing a baby around so casually I feel every muscle in my body start to tighten and I'm ready to jump and catch it if it falls haha
They're so delicate, they actually should not be born at that stage, but they have to coz we walk on two legs and so have smaller pelvises; if they got bigger they couldn't get out. And these people are just casually passing it around like a doll.

Originally Posted by Linkzelda

I've become even more dissociated from myself than before. When I try to empathize or sympathize with people in waking life, it's always a battle of trying not to convince other sides of my self to exhibit qualities that would be disrespectful to the general public.

It's not that my life sucks or anything, it's going just fine, but because I feel like a different person at times, and it's not even being bipolar or whatever, it's just that I think too much on things, which makes even the most simple expressions such as treating someone with respect turned into rocket science.

I'm not saying that to say that I'm dumb, it's just that I can't help but to keep over-thinking things because there's just a part of me that wants a lot of introspection.

I can't even look at my father straight in the face or even the few friends I still have in waking life without questioning their existence, always questioning mine, always trying to find solace in some kind of personal conflict.

And even when I do motivate myself to try and be a bit more positive in life, it keeps dying off, and it gets tiring and sickening trying to motivate myself again, especially when I'm already too analytical of my behaviors.

I'm just going to say this once. STOP OVER THINKING THINGS!
It will NEVER lead to anything good. Just fucking trust me on this one.
It NEVER has benefits. Think about it (lol)
Seriously though, when has it helped you?

There are, of course times for it. Like solving a problem (and even then it should be done in moderation, as think too much about one thing has actually been proven to impede progress).

Doing it all the time is detrimental.
All of the problems you described basically come down to thinking too much about everything.

I really understand (and have experienced) what you mean by most of the things you said.

The only advice I can give is that you need to accept that you will never know anything with 100% certainty.
(Except for that ^)

What have you gained from over-thinking?

You think about something properly, deeply, for 5 minutes and you'll have all the thoughts on it that you'll ever have.
Assuming you don't gain new information on the problem.

And enlightenment will not solve your problems. It will just help you stop worrying about it.

But you can do that right now.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

It's a tad irritating when people arachnophobia, spiders scarwy AH!!!

Originally Posted by littlezoe

Spiders, get my mommy!

Originally Posted by Wayfaerer

Lol, bugs definitely blablabla I'm so scardededed

etc.

You all need to find a harvestman (daddy long leg) and just let it crawl on to your hand and keep your hand there until it crawls off. Do this around 3 or 4 times and you won't be scared anymore.
Fact.
I think this is somewhat like "implosion therapy" Ophelia mentioned, but I'm assuming that means overcoming the fear in one shot type of thing, throwing the kid in the ocean type deal.
Both work. But jumping in a bath of spiders is infeasible.

What I recommend is basically CBT and it's the only way you can stop being scared of a harmless creature.
Fear being genetic literally means nothing. You can overcome your genetics.

Ugh... hubby let me have it. I knew it was coming. But I pretty much repeated what I had written here and his anger subsided very quickly. Surprisingly fast, actually, for as much stress he's under. Stress I hadn't even considered in the least when retelling the story of my hospital visit.
So, all is well.

Also, my knee is sore from where the tick was on me and the cuts from bleeding it. It actually looks a little infected, so I'm going to bleed it again then put more medicine on it.
I bleed insect bites because of my experiences with fire ants.
Eons ago, when my kids were still in diapers, I walked to a WIC appointment then sat... ugh, how do you explain it... the rise where buildings meet the road. Anyhow, I was oblivious to everything except catching my breathe after pushing a loaded down stroller up a steep hill... until I felt pain.
There were fire ants everywhere. They were in my shoes and socks and had crawled beneath my jeans up my legs. I had a ridiculous amount of bites. In desperation, I later started popping and draining them. It helped a great deal.
Or seemed to anyhow lol... but now it's in my head to do that for almost every sort of insect bite or sting Maybe it's nothing but superstition lol

ugh... my head hurts... ON ONE SIDE... what the hell...

Originally Posted by Linkzelda

*long post*

I don't have much to add besides what Tommo said. Except, I feel it's possible to be philosophical sometimes and still enjoy life. You just need to know how you shut your brain off for a bit. Have you tried meditation? Just try clearing your brain of all thoughts every once in a while. Obviously much more difficult than it sounds; I've never done it for more than two or three seconds at a time. I just feel for you because I used to overthink everything and feel kind of meh. I can say with certainty that I'm actually less mature now than I was in high school... but I'm much happier for it.

My rant is that I'm in a transition period right now that simultaneously makes things a bit stressful and boring at the same time, somehow. I have my apartment, as I mentioned in the happy thread. And I have at least a basic job, but due to paperwork and stuff I haven't started working yet. And I seriously have no car knowledge, and I NEED a car. And on top of all that, most of my stuff needs to be mailed over from Vermont, and I don't have internet in my apartment yet. It's basically barren. So I want to quit inconveniencing my friends that I've been staying with, but I really can't yet. I also have very little to occupy my free time, which should motivate me to actually get my work done... but I just waste time on the internet instead. >.<

You get the idea. I'm still very happy overall, but I can't wait for this phase of moving to be over.

I don't think I can deal with this any more. Can't wait until the day I'm independent, the day I can live all by myself, free of all constraints, so that I can live my life the way I want it to be. I'm sick of everyone shoving their crap down my throut. Then when I try to explain how I feel I only get slapped in the face and told to be quiet. I don't want to be quiet, I don't want to hide things, I just want to be me, and when I can't even do that in my own family, what else do I have left? Is there something wrong with having different opinions than everyone else? Is there something wrong with having different values and more importantly standards than other people? If it's not one way, it's nothing. I don't care who reads this, be it someone I know or complete strangers. I just needed to write it. I had no one else to talk to about it anyway. I'm sorry if this comes off as overly dramatic, it's just how I feel right now.

Clear Channel Communications pisses me off... they are basically the McDonald's of radio stations organizations. They own tons and tons of radio stations nationwide, and they all play the same playlist based on genre. I know this because I can pick up two of their Adult Contemporary stations, and they both play the same things at the same time, all the time forever and always. Same thing with their alternative rock stations. (They own all of the "KISS FM" stations around the United States, too.)

Almost all of the notable Ohio radio stations are owned by them now... only a few college stations are left that don't play the same 50 songs over and over and over. That's what Clear Channel Communications is doing... playing the same songs over and over and over!

I just want good music...

EDIT: Some things I neglected to mention before; they use fake callers, and most "local" DJs are at their headquarters or pre-recorded. And they syndicate everything. They also remove some artists from their playlists if the execs disagree with them politically. They also own and operate iheartradio.

They fire most or all of the local staff when they purchase a new station in a local market. But it doesn't stop people from tuning into KISS-FM every day. UUUUGH.

Please, listen to college radio stations! They're good people and need the listeners!

Originally Posted by Taffy

I don't think I can deal with this any more. Can't wait until the day I'm independent, the day I can live all by myself, free of all constraints, so that I can live my life the way I want it to be. I'm sick of everyone shoving their crap down my throut. Then when I try to explain how I feel I only get slapped in the face and told to be quiet. I don't want to be quiet, I don't want to hide things, I just want to be me, and when I can't even do that in my own family, what else do I have left? Is there something wrong with having different opinions than everyone else? Is there something wrong with having different values and more importantly standards than other people? If it's not one way, it's nothing. I don't care who reads this, be it someone I know or complete strangers. I just needed to write it. I had no one else to talk to about it anyway. I'm sorry if this comes off as overly dramatic, it's just how I feel right now.

They'll start listening once you get older, once you start showing concern to others around you. They don't listen, emphasise. Just keep repeating. They are bound to hear it.

---

Regarding bugs, insects, spiders, lizards, anything that's small and moves fast or flies. I don't like it. Not even bats too. Not butterflies too. I'm not sure if it's a fear or great dislike because I can stand in close proximity of one if it doesn't suddenly bounce on me. But I'm not going to get rid of my fear/great dislike, it makes life interesting. Lol. Running away at the sight of bugs. Sudden boost of energy.

I dislike babies, toddlers and children too. Their hands are forever striving to touch one part of your body.

I guess I just dislike living things randomly touching me.

I am really upset right now. I would explain it but that would even make me more upset. So just know that I'm upset.

Originally Posted by tommo

You all need to find a harvestman (daddy long leg) and just let it crawl on to your hand and keep your hand there until it crawls off. Do this around 3 or 4 times and you won't be scared anymore.
Fact.
I think this is somewhat like "implosion therapy" Ophelia mentioned, but I'm assuming that means overcoming the fear in one shot type of thing, throwing the kid in the ocean type deal.
Both work. But jumping in a bath of spiders is infeasible.

What I recommend is basically CBT and it's the only way you can stop being scared of a harmless creature.
Fear being genetic literally means nothing. You can overcome your genetics.

I'm not scared that they'll hurt me or attack me or anything (except if it's some poisonous one), i'm just scared of their look. All those legs that move at the same time and the little hairs on their body, their staring eyes... ugh.
For me a spider/bug/insect is more scary the smaller it is.

Originally Posted by littlezoe

I'm not scared that they'll hurt me or attack me or anything (except if it's some poisonous one), i'm just scared of their look. All those legs that move at the same time and the little hairs on their body, their staring eyes... ugh.
For me a spider/bug/insect is more scary the smaller it is.

Hmm. I'm not exactly bothered by a baby spider as compared to an adult one. Unless you're going to put it under the magnifying glass.

Ugh.. again, that's how I feel about roaches. When I lived in Florida, they were a persistent problem. And when the wood roaches came around- forget it- I was a basket case. You can hear them walking across stuff. Their legs resemble barbs and the thought of those touching me drives me bananas. But mostly, I can't stand the sound of them. I always expected to be dive-bombed.
I don't mind spiders TOO much- unless they're "furry" and jump.

Taffy and Dakotah.

I'm ranting because I need to get ahold of hubby for some antibiotics. I've woken up with a killer headache the last couple of days. I wrote it off as dehydration. But I researched ticks and now I'm paranoid. What I took as infection is a standard "tick mark". It looks a little like a bullseye. Mine is EXCEPTIONALLY trivial.
The tick on me turns out to be a Dog Tick which does not transmit Lyme Disease. But even if it was a deer tick, it wasn't on me long enough to cause the disease. The tick would have been fat from blood. They have to be attached for something like 36 hours.

I've been running a slight fever the last couple of days too. What I worry about is Ricky Mountain Spotted Fever. Ugh....

To make matters worse, I was practically rolling on the floor laughing at the puppy earlier. She found an insect and was cocking her head at it and attacking it. The bug kept coming back though and I admired it's amazing "strength" and determination. The puppy leapt on it, pawed at it and even had it in her mouth a couple of times.
And then it landed on my desk. I thought it was a light bug. It was really pale so I didn't worry about it. Turns out it was a yellow jacket
Then I remembered my youngest son told me we had "baby" yellow jackets in the house earlier this evening. I was waking up so what he said didn't really register.

I have visitation with my daughters today from 9-3 which means I'll be gone from 8-4. After that, I need to try to hunt down where the pests are coming from...

Ugh, McDonald's hotcakes and sausage is gross why did I eat that. We are on the road so I didn't really have a choice but I can't understand why I ever liked the stuff. I want to throw up.

Originally Posted by DaveTheJoker

Ugh, McDonald's hotcakes and sausage is gross why did I eat that. We are on the road so I didn't really have a choice but I can't understand why I ever liked the stuff. I want to throw up.

But but. They are nice!

Originally Posted by littlezoe

I'm not scared that they'll hurt me or attack me or anything (except if it's some poisonous one), i'm just scared of their look. All those legs that move at the same time and the little hairs on their body, their staring eyes... ugh.
For me a spider/bug/insect is more scary the smaller it is.

No, I know. But if you learn to just live with them, and touch them etc. You will see how awesome they actually are.

Originally Posted by Carrot

Regarding bugs, insects, spiders, lizards, anything that's small and moves fast or flies. I don't like it. Not even bats too. Not butterflies too.

See, right there you're missing out on interacting with most of the coolest organisms on Earth.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

I'm ranting because I need to get ahold of hubby for some antibiotics. I've woken up with a killer headache the last couple of days. I wrote it off as dehydration. But I researched ticks and now I'm paranoid. What I took as infection is a standard "tick mark". It looks a little like a bullseye. Mine is EXCEPTIONALLY trivial.
The tick on me turns out to be a Dog Tick which does not transmit Lyme Disease. But even if it was a deer tick, it wasn't on me long enough to cause the disease. The tick would have been fat from blood. They have to be attached for something like 36 hours.

Um.... just so you know, the "target" mark is a symptom of Lyme disease. (Can't tell if you knew that already or not, but just in case)
I'd get on those antibiotics soon.

Originally Posted by DaveTheJoker

Ugh, McDonald's hotcakes and sausage is gross why did I eat that. We are on the road so I didn't really have a choice but I can't understand why I ever liked the stuff. I want to throw up.

Well done. I realised how horrible McDonalds is a couple of years ago too. Haven't eaten it since. I've been slightly tempted a few times just because it does sometimes have that sort of "shallow" "good" (incredible loose use of good) taste. But you just feel like shit after eating it anyway.
I did have a thickshake a couple of years ago, but that's it.

Originally Posted by tommo

See, right there you're missing out on interacting with most of the coolest organisms on Earth.

Aye aye, bug lover. You missed out the part where I don't like living things touching me, yes humans too.

Hmm... To add on, it must be the phobia they will crawl into some unknown place on your body or even inside your body.

Originally Posted by tommo

Well done. I realised how horrible McDonalds is a couple of years ago too. Haven't eaten it since. I've been slightly tempted a few times just because it does sometimes have that sort of "shallow" "good" (incredible loose use of good) taste. But you just feel like shit after eating it anyway.
I did have a thickshake a couple of years ago, but that's it.

No offence but your comment just made me feel like eating McDonald's pancakes and sausage.

Originally Posted by Carrot

Hmm... To add on, it must be the phobia they will crawl into some unknown place on your body or even inside your body.

Ick, I'm always afraid that's going to happen. I don't sceeve other insects as much as spiders (of course there are exceptions ), but I dislike physical interaction, too. That includes high fives and pats on the back, too.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Sure, crane flies have 6 legs, but I'm still terrified of them because to me they're like flying spiders.

This is going to give me nightmares.

Originally Posted by tommo

You all need to find a harvestman (daddy long leg) and just let it crawl on to your hand and keep your hand there until it crawls off. Do this around 3 or 4 times and you won't be scared anymore.
Fact.
I think this is somewhat like "implosion therapy" Ophelia mentioned, but I'm assuming that means overcoming the fear in one shot type of thing, throwing the kid in the ocean type deal.
Both work. But jumping in a bath of spiders is infeasible.

What I recommend is basically CBT and it's the only way you can stop being scared of a harmless creature.
Fear being genetic literally means nothing. You can overcome your genetics.

Or you can just accept that they're icky and nasty and gross.

Originally Posted by tommo

No, I know. But if you learn to just live with them, and touch them etc. You will see how awesome they actually are.

Spiders are very interesting, but that doesn't mean I have to like them and live with them. X) I can appreciate and fear something at the same time.

Originally Posted by DaveTheJoker

Ugh, McDonald's hotcakes and sausage is gross why did I eat that. We are on the road so I didn't really have a choice but I can't understand why I ever liked the stuff. I want to throw up.

I don't eat their sausage, but the hotcakes are one of the only things there I can still eat. Anything off the breakfast menu tastes gross to me, as tommo touches on it's kind of like after a long enough time eating it goes from delicious to not even tasting like real food, and whenever you eat it after that it starts out kind of good at first but is not appetizing by the end. The breakfast items I still like though, I think I'll go get some right now!

The last couple days at work have been stressful, so I ended up binge eating jalepeno nachos, 12" Subway Oven Roast Chicken sub with spinach, tomatoes and red onions, McDonald's sausage biscuit and hash brown, a shredded chicken burrito and a BBQ pork rib sandwich and a corndog in the past 48 hours. I think I crapped out two babies this morning. My medication makes me more hungry, but I know that I have been a binge eater in the past when I get super ticked off.

A few days ago: A co-worker embarrassed me in front of the whole office on a personal issue that I had no idea she knew about (medical, she must have overheard me talking to my bosses about it) -- which is nobody's business in the first place. It is also a violation of law to do that, so I reported her to my boss and she got in trouble. It is going to suck having to work in the same area as her the rest of my contract, but I was the adult about the situation and made it clear. She is younger and petulant, and just doesn't seem to get it. She doesn't act professional at all, and neither do most of my co-workers. It is the hardest thing for me to have to stomach, but my bosses really like me and getting promoted to a different area of work in the first two weeks symbolizes that.

We have a social media ban and ban on other internet sites at work (all I ever check is my bank, pay tracker and ESPN on my break) -- but we have women in the office going on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and other things we are not supposed to do all the time. They think it is cool to read the tweets, statuses and comments out loud at work. Guess what? It isn't. I told them the other day that when I was a legal analyst, I needed quiet time and no distractions to get my work done. This job isn't as intellectually intensive, but it requires a strict attention to details and the margin of error is very slim. Not to mention, they talk about religion and other things in the office which isn't supposed to happen (especially working where I do) and it bothers me.

My immediate supervisor is actually a friend of my family and I have known him for years, but he doesn't put his foot down much. My head boss is always so busy, that if he gets to be in there an hour or two a day to watch us, I am lucky -- because when he does, they all shut up. I think on Monday, I'm going to bring it up before work starts again in a diplomatic manner. I can wear headphones if I want to enjoy music while I'm doing my work, but I shouldn't HAVE to do that if I do not want to.

My mindset now is just working as hard as I can to see if any more options become available past the end of the contract. So far, with getting put in charge of something else, I am doing pretty good. I don't think some of the women liked it when my boss introduced me and said, "He could actually be running this operation because of his background and savvy, so he deserves your respect." -- some choose not to interact with me because of it. No sweat off my back though.

The real grinder is that the women in the office plugged in a microwave, coffee pot into a surge protector where my computer and office equipment was in, tripped it, and shorted out my scanner and wrecked the external HD where I was doing data transfer. They apologized, but it doesn't really matter. I didn't speak to them after the fact, I just gave them the silent treatment. Now they know I don't mess around. Good.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Anything off the breakfast menu tastes gross to me

The breakfast items I still like though, I think I'll go get some right now!

*raises one eyebrow*

Also, I've been really afraid of Red Backs since I was a kid coz I thought they could kill you.
It's actually very rare, extremely rare for it to happen, but I was still afraid of them after learning this.

I recently have seen 2 of them within a few months and I stopped to look at them and got close and kept one
under a cup for a while. They're incredibly beautiful creatures.

I never would have realised that if I didn't stop focusing on that fear for a while.
Maybe you girls don't care as much about that sort of thing as I do.
But just simple appreciation of beauty is one of the best things you can experience in my opinion.

Originally Posted by tommo

*raises one eyebrow*

Haha.

Originally Posted by tommo

*raises one eyebrow*

Sorry, I should've clarified that I said "off" meaning "not on".

(Isn't English a wonderfully horrible language?)

Originally Posted by tommo

Also, I've been really afraid of Red Backs since I was a kid coz I thought they could kill you.
It's actually very rare, extremely rare for it to happen, but I was still afraid of them after learning this.

I recently have seen 2 of them within a few months and I stopped to look at them and got close and kept one
under a cup for a while. They're incredibly beautiful creatures.

I never would have realised that if I didn't stop focusing on that fear for a while.
Maybe you girls don't care as much about that sort of thing as I do.
But just simple appreciation of beauty is one of the best things you can experience in my opinion.

I can understand that. I'm still not going to get near a spider, though. X) Like I said, I can appreciate and fear something at the same time. I've tried facing this fear before, it doesn't work, and I don't really mind.

In response to that above:

Originally Posted by tropicalbreeze

The big one looks like a plushie.

*Gives the same reaction to every plushie I meet* I shall squash it!!!