Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

I had a migraine today that continued from yesterday.

My prescription fixed it nicely, but my day is still so messed up and I feel really weak.

THIS <5 paragraphs of expletives deleted> thing is driving me off the <expletive deleted> deep end.



It's a friggin satellite modem, but it has a serial interface and a (might as well be) external serial to IP converter. It was manufactured back in the old days when RS-232 was the shiznit and IP was like WTF...

...so, I get shipped out nearly 3000 miles away from home to spend a week fighting a losing battle with these pieces of archaic shit... ...and, here I am looking like a total incompetent asshole standing in front of one of our largest customers because the previous contractor potentially sabotaged the firmware in these units so they won't work in any standard fashion.

Then, I download the firmware and updater from the manufacturer and it fails to load due to some kind of failed CRC check. ...FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...

...Then, to top it off, it has rained every single minute of every day I've been here in Seattle. ...and to make matters worse, I got a total piece of shit rental car... ...and there is some kind of oily shit on the windshield which turns into a giant smear when the wipers are on so I can't see a <expletive deleted> thing while driving.

Anyway, tomorrow is the last day to get this shit working before the big circuit turn-up tomorrow evening which will probably flop like a beached whale.

The only thing preventing me from smashing this thing into little pieces is the Gov't bar code. I don't rage much, but when I do, I swing a sledge hammer like a pro...

Today was one of those days that reminds me why I go to Sangha. Thank god I have sangha.

On the plus side I think I might bone my ex's best friend sometime soon so that'll be fun.

Originally Posted by tommo

Yep Been practicing what I'm gonna say and all that as well.
Still nervous. But I figure it is good practice even if I fuck it up. So if I get an interview I'll go.

Minor rant, woke up at almost noon. I've been trying to get a good sleep schedule but my alarms just didn't wake me up today, or maybe I forgot I woke up and turned them or something. So annoying.

That's good. Good luck if you do! I'm rooting for you.

Also, how late did you stay up? I'm thinking that if you were aiming for a good sleep schedule that must have amounted to you sleeping for a pretty long time lol.

Man, what is sleep

Tomorrow I start to do all the homework I ignored for the past few weeks

Yay

After about a month with no interest in dreaming and no dream recall, I suddenly started having long and detailed dreams. The first was a Frank Zappa concert and another was at school.

Last night I had a long dream that felt like it was a few hours. I was talking to my friend the whole time, and it felt very real like I was actually talking to him. Usually people in my dreams don't have the same personality or even look the same as the real person, but in that dream he looked, talked, and acted exactly like he would in real life. It was also strange because we were in a VW van that looked like the one he has.

Originally Posted by Woodstock

After about a month with no interest in dreaming and no dream recall, I suddenly started having long and detailed dreams. The first was a Frank Zappa concert and another was at school.

Last night I had a long dream that felt like it was a few hours. I was talking to my friend the whole time, and it felt very real like I was actually talking to him. Usually people in my dreams don't have the same personality or even look the same as the real person, but in that dream he looked, talked, and acted exactly like he would in real life. It was also strange because we were in a VW van that looked like the one he has.

I was just wondering where you went this morning lol. Guess your mind just wanted you to get back to it?

Originally Posted by anderj101

THIS <5 paragraphs of expletives deleted> thing is driving me off the <expletive deleted> deep end.



It's a friggin satellite modem, but it has a serial interface and a (might as well be) external serial to IP converter. It was manufactured back in the old days when RS-232 was the shiznit and IP was like WTF..

Why did they buy such old pieces of shit? Especially if it's a government thing?
Hope ya can fix it.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

That's good. Good luck if you do! I'm rooting for you.

Also, how late did you stay up? I'm thinking that if you were aiming for a good sleep schedule that must have amounted to you sleeping for a pretty long time lol.

Thanks

Uhhhh, like 1:30 or so. So yeah I suppose not very good. But still, shouldn't have slept that long.


Rant about people just having the same conversations over and over again:
Every time I find a great song in a movie, I go and check it out on youtube.
And Every. Single. Time there are heaps of people saying "x movie brought me here" or whatever. Fair enough. Nothing wrong with that.
Then a week later there's a top comment saying "We don't care about "x movie" go somewhere else teens" or something like that.
Then there's a few generally inane and retarded top comment after that.
Then after that some not-so-subtly self-aggrandising, pseudo-intellectual has to come along and point out that "It doesn't matter where people found this song, I personally found this song back in the 70's, but it doesn't matter where people found it, I'm just glad the younger generation has been exposed to this great music"

Ohhhh, look at you, so fucking special.
It's completely retarded that people care so much about trying to make themselves feel superior to a bunch of complete strangers, and they have to let them know that they knew this song before it was in a movie. OMG shit you be a great human being.
Please....

Rant 1 (Chapter 1, Texas Bipolar Weather PMSing Whore):

Texas yet again is a bipolar weather whore. My body is starting to get fucked up just because of the weather changes. It gets hot, and then cold, within a few hours. It doesn't matter that it's not like Canadian cold weather or whatever, it's just the sporadic changes that pisses me off so much. I tried running the 1.2 mile thing for Kinesiology, and I felt as if my mouth was getting dry, even though I drank some water in advance.

The pre-warmup wasn't that intense, and I thought I was going to do well this time since the weather was a lot better than last time. But as we're running, the wind blowing into my face and nostrils, it felt as if I was breathing blood or something. I wasn't coughing or spitting blood it, it just felt awkward. Like my legs weren't that tired at all, it's just my damn breathing and my mouth drying that just makes the whole experience miserable.

The actual timed run for the mile (we're doing more than a mile so it gets easier before the timed run) is about 2 weeks, and I barely have time for running because I have a schedule to follow just to make sure that I'm prepared for the ass raping of the first exams for the next two weeks (and having a timed run and THEN a fucking Calculus exam 4 hours from that SUCKS because I'll be dead before then. Hopefully after the results of those exams, I can start lessening the study time (particularly for Political Science), so that I can start practicing running during the afternoon or something. Definitely can't wake up at 5 AM for a mile jog because it'll be cold as fuck.

Cold weather plus me sweating intensely behind my back where it feels icky, and then it drying off, and the bacteria in our skin that metabolizes the contents within the sweat that causes body odor is DEFINITELY not a pleasant experience AT ALL. So if I want to wear a sports jacket or something, it only makes matters worse because my torso region just loves getting the heat and making me sweat faster, and I get scared that the jacket itself will get icky.

I mean, it'll obviously dry off quickly, but still, this icky sensation is so unpleasant. And I even if I want to look into using Deodarant with some Aluminum Chloride to help with blocking the pores, that's just even more hazardous simply because overusage of Aluminum getting inside my body will just...I don't know. I just know too much is bad for you obviously.

Now I'm sitting here with warm snot oozing and hanging from my nose as I constantly use the paper towels because I have no tissues. I hope I don't use them all, and I probably might have to go to the store again tomorrow in this stupid cold to get more paper towels. I wore a tope during the morning since my head is close to being bald from the haircut, felt just fine and the cold had nothing on me, but I forgot to use it for the rest of the day because I thought, "Oh, this isn't such bad weather at all!"

NOPE, wind blasts my face, and I don't even take 30 seconds to get my tope out of my backpack. This reminds me when I was playing Cricket in the hot hot HOT SUN when I was younger, and then it suddenly freaking rains, giving me freaking redeye and a cold. Man Texas, get a damn TAMPON you PMSing weather state!

Then someone says,

"Oh, you're complaining about the weather when it's only *insert weather here* degrees Fahrenheit over there?"


Me thinking: "No you twatface, I'm complaining that I'm getting random heat surges JUST after I was trying to adjust to the cold."

If you obviously stay outside for a while, your body obviously is going to get adjusted to some extent to cold, but if it's COLD-->HEAT-->COLD-->HEAT-->COLD....how in the actual fuck is anyone going to adjust to that WITHOUT having their bodies messed up from it?


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- Alright, let your flawed brain relax for a moment....scroll down after you can think again. (Solve 2+2 = ? and scroll down when you processed all that).










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Rant 2: (Chapter 2: Academic Coaching)

My Academic Coach is nice and all, really sweet woman, kind and respectful to me, obviously because she's paid to be that way....it's like she's in a rush with me lately. She's like,


"DFBKAJBDFKBJDGKSJDAFKASDFJASDKFJASKDGJDFKBAJDGKAJ SDFSKDJFAKSJFKASDJFKA FLASHCARDS ksdfjaksdfjaksfjaskfjskffsjdfkasjdkfaj here's a paper for you ASDFJAKFJSAKFJASFJASDFJAKsakjfksshakashakshaskas See you in 2 weeks after your awesome exam results!!


I mean, I like the idea that you're trying to be efficient and just give me the things I need so I work it out for myself, but if you're literally looking down and up at me, shifting awkwardly, HADOUKENing all over the fucking place with your speech, you might as well just give me the sheets.

Again, kind woman, and I'm sure she's a nice person after work, but still, STRING together a comprehensive sentence without going *GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP* Bdlgjsdfkajksdjafksdfajksdf! *GAAAAAAASP* *twitch* *twitch* *6 second stare, look down at my crotch* dasfkjdksajfkasjf!

Seriously!


Rant Chapters for the Day ended.


MLA Citation: Linkzelda's Mind;Texas;2012;Dreamviews.com;Published on RRCC Thread around 7:48-7:49PM



If you need an author's signature, I'll be here all night and day people.


Author's Notes:


My dream recall is as practical as I want it to be, which means that as long as I'm committed to remembering them, they come by just like that. Recalling over at least 852+ dreams (maybe in the 1,500 range if I was super committed) within June 2011- to now, I guess that's pretty decent.

But now I jus don't give a bloodyshit about these dreams. I already know how random they are, simple because I assume they are random and I'm tired of this dream interpretation shit from it. I could become lucid if I want because I already can do meditation for a decent amount of time and FEEL my body going to sleep while my mind is awake, but I just simply do not see any value in lucid dreaming FOR THE MOMENT.

Simply because I'm sick and tired of all this euphoria shit when you wake up. It doesn't last long for me, sure I'll be glad that I can type in red font in my DJ to show I was lucid during the whole experience, but for what? Nothing productive that I can add on to this life at all! Simply utter bullshit dreams I have all the time.

God, it's being crazy and going to Beyond Dreaming is the only interesting SHIT to do. Everyone that rejects anything beyond lucid dreaming that goes,

"Oh my god, with my all-knowing awareness of all avenues of probable events, you can't DO THIS, YOU CAN'T DO THAT...this sHIT, you're crazy, this is taking things too far, WAH WAH WAH WAH!"

SHUT THE FUCK UP CUNT FACES. You compeltely disregarding curiousity, because you have hamsters up your ass sustaining your Bullshit meter, afraid of what people will think of you, fucking unbearable I swear!

It's a good thing most of these people won't have an impact towards the progression of life other than to just create more incompetent shits who have NO usefulness in experimenting with the unknown!

It's one thing to think something is improbable, but it's another to completely destroy that same curiousity you had when you found out Lucid Dreaming was a probable event you can induce nightly and during naps if you were good enough, suddenly be SO into disproving something you also have no claims to prove isn't probable, and then just say everything else is shit.

Your perception of this reality, just like mine, is sooooooo limited, you honestly cannot have the audacity to claim so and so is not possible at all. Stick some more hamsters up your asses you idiots!

"Hey look at me! I can see ionization, gamma rays, and the origin of life! You can't explain that!"



There are a few spelling errors, I apologize for that, but WHY THE FUCK NOT!!?!

I'm at that point in tiredness where everything starts to sound like music. Does that happen to anyone else?

Thank you, bio homework, for taking 3 hours to complete when I could have easily fallen asleep at 8 pm.

Thank you, Texas weather, for freezing my ass off because I thought it would be a beautiful day like earlier in the week.

Alas, self-discipline, where art thou? Come to me because I'm not likely to commit to searching for your elusive ass.

Sleep, sleep, I love you sleep. I could do it ALL DAY. And I almost have. 19 hours straight sleep on record.

Spacing, lol. I hope I did ok on my test. Highly embarrassing if not. Meh. FTS, I'm going to bed.

Anti-Rant: It seems silly now, but in the early days of my lucid dreaming practice I was a coward about telling anybody about it. I hadn't thought seriously about dreams since childhood, I was hopeless at inducing LDs myself, and was afraid I'd sound like a deluded nut in mystic robes when I tried to talk about it.

Eventually, though, you have to share the things make you happy, particularly with the people you care about. Now I really try to let my friends and family know about lucid dreaming and how important it is to me. Not to proselytize, but to connect and let them understand what animates me. Otherwise, they just keep knowing the "old you" and never understand the ways that you're growing and changing. That's how people drift apart.

I bring this up because yesterday I had a long, amazing conversation with my best friend about lucid dreaming. Even though the majority of my friends know that I'm into LD, I'm embarrassed to say that I'd been unconsciously putting off talking with him about it. I don't know where this insecurity came from, because he's cool about everything. But every time we'd call each other up, there was always something else to discuss: life, work, his kids, my kids, Transformers, old times, bluster about kicking each other's asses at video games... anything and everything. He and I go back to early childhood, so the conversation runs over every kind of terrain imaginable. But conveniently, lucid dreaming "just never came up".

Yesterday I recognized my own cowardice. Then it was simply: "Hey dude, did you know I'm seriously into the whole lucid dreaming thing?" And of course he was crazy interested and of course he thought the whole idea was awesome. And of course the unconscious hesitation stemmed from some absurd phantom fear of rejection. Like most irrational fears, it seems utterly silly in the light of day.

Perhaps cooler still -- yesterday my 3-year-old asked me what a "lucid dream" is after hearing me mention a recent one to my wife. My son and I go for a walk every night before his bedtime, and on top of his usual questions about clouds, the moon, and Orion's Belt, he wanted to know the difference between lucid dreams and the "other" kind he has. I tried to explain, and I think he may have even gotten the idea. I hope so, but if not, it was a wonderful moment either way.

Life is ridiculous. I was walking around the park in my neighborhood not too long ago. It used to be a popular park with a lot of frequent visitors and little music festivals every now and then, but now it's mostly deserted a lot of the time. Some people still walk around, but you won't run into too many on any average day there. And I've been walking all around it since I was a kid, so I know it all pretty well. So today I was walking this path through the forest when I turned around at one point after hearing more footsteps than my own and there was this guy in a fully black business casual outfit walking really close behind me. He just gave me a weird look and I did a halfhearted look of acknowledgment and just kept walking forward. I knew we were getting very close to the end of the path where it would come out at a very wide open field in front of a bunch of houses on a neighborhood street. But when we were just about to get to it, he said "Hey." I kept walking but I heard that he'd stopped moving, so after putting a little more distance between us I turned around and said "Yeah?" My eyes instantly dart to the huge wad of cash in his hand. He did kind of a dodgy look around and said "You wanna make some money?" Kind of hoping that there's even the slightest bit of a chance that this is not what it seems like, I say "Uhhh... doing what...?", and he just gives me this really creepy smile. >_< I told him I wasn't interested and he just looked disappointed but not really hostile, so I just started hurrying toward the end of the path again. He continued to walk very close behind me but I just picked up the pace and as soon as I got out of the forest he walked off in a completely different direction from me, and it was a bit of a walk back to my house and I occasionally looked around on the way and never saw him again, so I think he just genuinely left at that point. Fucking creeper....

Why don't people just get an escort or something. Or is that illegal where you live?

My bastard neighbours woke me up at 7 AM, blasting their hardcore music at full volume. They kept it going the rest of the morning, so of course I couldn't get back to sleep. They did the same thing last weekend and it totally fucked up my sleep pattern. They're painting a clear picture of themselves as a load of childish, inconsiderate scumbags. Go ahead, turn the music up as loud as it will go, jump around the house screaming and balling like a bunch of wild animals. It's not like any of us need to fucking sleep!

Seriously, how the hell can some people go through life with absolutely no thought for anyone around them?

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Fucking creeper....

*shudder* So, so glad you're okay! This whole story gives me the creeping horrors. I do not like these weirdos that view other humans like prey animals. Dangerous people. It seems even ickier in a safe, familiar place or childhood sanctuary. (I have a soft spot for familiar childhood places, so this part bothers me too.) I'm glad you're street-smart enough to know to keep your distance.

This is the kind of person that IMO is likely to escalate and hurt someone at some point. (Assuming he hasn't already.)

Hopefully something makes this guy change his ways. Perhaps when one of the young ladies he creeps up on knocks his teeth down his throat, takes that paper he's waving around, and buys herself something nice with it.

Originally Posted by tommo

Why don't people just get an escort or something. Or is that illegal where you live?

It's illegal throughout most of the United States. Creeper could have gone to Nevada, though.

Ugh I'm starting to have these dark thoughts again. I guess I'm too fucked up. I've been depressed for almost 4 years now. I never took any medication though and I never went to a therapist. It wouldn't help anyways. But I don't get why I'm still struggling with this, it's actually ridicilous. It's kinda weird how all of my friends and family think I'm a happy person who enjoys his life. Well I'm quite the opposite. Music got me through the hard times. But it's actually getting harder and harder to survive everyday. Like there's absolutely nothing to live for anymore. No one really knows how fucked up I actually am ):

Originally Posted by Crashyy

Ugh I'm starting to have these dark thoughts again. I guess I'm too fucked up. I've been depressed for almost 4 years now. I never took any medication though and I never went to a therapist. It wouldn't help anyways. But I don't get why I'm still struggling with this, it's actually ridicilous. It's kinda weird how all of my friends and family think I'm a happy person who enjoys his life. Well I'm quite the opposite. Music got me through the hard times. But it's actually getting harder and harder to survive everyday. Like there's absolutely nothing to live for anymore. No one really knows how fucked up I actually am ):

Crashy

When your heart gets restless time to move along.

When your heart gets weary (depressed) time to sing a song.

And when your dreams are calling you

Theres only one thing that you can do

Keep-a-moving !!! Move along !!!!

Follow That Dream

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Am05...e_gdata_player

I will post why I feel the above song is relevent to you, Crashy, here. But that post may take a while to put together.

http://www.dreamviews.com/senseless-...way-dream.html

For You, Crashy

http://www.dreamviews.com/entertainm...ml#post1987079

Look at post 17, love.

Woke up an got up for a bit and did a WBTB, but I just couldnt get back to sleep. On the weekends, I have to share a room with my two younger sisters who insist on having the (loudly snoring) dog sleep with us. Im very picky when I fall asleep...it has to be pretty much quiet when I go to sleep. To make it worse, its really hot up where I am sleeping. Normally, I could get up and go sleep on the open couch, but its taken up because of guests right now ._. Ive been awake for about an hour and a half now, just being bored and surfing the web

Crashy

I did that post for you here:

http://www.dreamviews.com/senseless-...ml#post1987090

It's post 10.

Originally Posted by CanisLucidus

*shudder* So, so glad you're okay! This whole story gives me the creeping horrors. I do not like these weirdos that view other humans like prey animals. Dangerous people. It seems even ickier in a safe, familiar place or childhood sanctuary. (I have a soft spot for familiar childhood places, so this part bothers me too.) I'm glad you're street-smart enough to know to keep your distance.

This is the kind of person that IMO is likely to escalate and hurt someone at some point. (Assuming he hasn't already.)

I thought that was actually unlikely. Now obviously the guy's a creep, probably lonely etc.
But just because someone's wanting to pay for sex it doesn't mean they're suddenly a psychopath who's gonna hurt the person if they refuse.

Originally Posted by CanisLucidus

It's illegal throughout most of the United States. Creeper could have gone to Nevada, though.

Ah, well that's exactly why people end up doing that kind of shit.
It's legal where I live, and we don't have any problems with hookers at all. Whereas the next state up it's illegal and the major city there is much worse off for it. Can't even really go some of the places unless you look like someone that people don't wanna fuck with.

Originally Posted by Crashyy

Ugh I'm starting to have these dark thoughts again. I guess I'm too fucked up. I've been depressed for almost 4 years now. I never took any medication though and I never went to a therapist. It wouldn't help anyways. But I don't get why I'm still struggling with this, it's actually ridicilous. It's kinda weird how all of my friends and family think I'm a happy person who enjoys his life. Well I'm quite the opposite. Music got me through the hard times. But it's actually getting harder and harder to survive everyday. Like there's absolutely nothing to live for anymore. No one really knows how fucked up I actually am ):

The reason your family and friends think you are happy is because you're happy around them, right?
Why are you depressed when you're alone, but not when you're around people?

Originally Posted by tommo

The reason your family and friends think you are happy is because you're happy around them, right?
Why are you depressed when you're alone, but not when you're around people?

Well I pretend to be happy when I'm around them. So actually I am depressed when I go out with friends and family. I just hide it. I really hate my life. The reason why;

I'm working for my dad, he owns a construction business. So I work 4 days a week and I go to school 1 day a week. I'm currently in the 11th grade. My mum and dad think I love construction, but I actually don't. Like it's not that bad. But it's really not my thing. So there are 3 major high schools in my area. I've been to 2 of them. To HHC for 3 years, to SL for 1 year (I got bullied there, so I left after 1 year). I'm really not happy with my life, i'd rather go to the third high school in my area, get my diploma so I can go to uni to study criminology. But the thing is, it's already february so I'm not sure if it's possible to change schools in the middle of the year. So that means i'll be so sad for the next 6 months or so until i can change schools. So I just wanna go back to high school, get my diploma and then go to uni. But I'm also afraid if i'm going to the third high school, I'm gonna get bullied again. And I also don't know how to tell my dad, like he'll be very sad and angry probs cause he assumes i'm gonna take over his business eventually. So my life's quite fucked up atm. Life for me is just a war I can't win

Originally Posted by tommo

I thought that was actually unlikely. Now obviously the guy's a creep, probably lonely etc.
But just because someone's wanting to pay for sex it doesn't mean they're suddenly a psychopath who's gonna hurt the person if they refuse.

You very well may be right. I hope so. Our perception's inevitably colored by our experience, and I'm certainly vulnerable to this. Over time, I've had a number of friends and acquaintances who've had close calls (and even worse) with men like this: predatory, delusional, opportunistic. In particular danger are passed out or intoxicated females, or those vulnerable to drug-facilitated sexual assault (including alcohol.)

I'm cautious by nature, so perhaps my "threat detector" is too sensitively calibrated. Easy enough to believe -- I'm well-accustomed to being wrong.

Originally Posted by tommo

It's legal where I live, and we don't have any problems with hookers at all. Whereas the next state up it's illegal and the major city there is much worse off for it. Can't even really go some of the places unless you look like someone that people don't wanna fuck with.

That's a great point, and thanks for the background info. I didn't know how this worked in Australia. There's also variance from state to state in the US, but it's illegal in the vast majority of the country.

I know you're not from the United States, but if by any chance you're familiar with our history on Alcohol Prohibition, you'll see that we've already learned (and apparently forgotten) this particular lesson. Humans shift all to readily from "Well I would never want to do/own/smoke that" to "There oughtta be a law!"

Originally Posted by Crashyy

Well I pretend to be happy when I'm around them. So actually I am depressed when I go out with friends and family. I just hide it. I really hate my life... But I'm also afraid if i'm going to the third high school, I'm gonna get bullied again. And I also don't know how to tell my dad, like he'll be very sad and angry probs cause he assumes i'm gonna take over his business eventually. So my life's quite fucked up atm. Life for me is just a war I can't win

You're a good dude, so I hate to see you going through all of this, bro. I wish that I could express to you how many of these problems fade as you get older. While life is always filled with difficult choices and crossroads, the bullying, drama, and frantic uncertainty of the teenage years does gets so much better. I wish I could, I don't know, somehow brain-to-brain upload the experience of how different you'll feel as you grow more and more comfortable in your own skin and with your place in the world. (Wish I could done the same for my younger self!)

You have more power, freedom, and potential than you think. You will realize this as you move forward. In the meantime, try to relax, try not to be afraid, and above all, be good to yourself.

Thanx for the "Likes" Crashyy (and Zhaylin)

My rant:

My email got messed with and this morning I find I'm locked-out of my own account. The message reads "temporarily" locked-out. And goto Yahoo7 through a browser.

I'll go to the seniors Internet Cafe and hope "the help" there can help me. I just want to change my password.

Folks contacted me yesterday to let me know they recieved "spam" from "me". But they know I wouldn't do that.

I hope no one here got spam from my email account. I'm sooo embarrased and unsuscribed from the last 2 iasd sites that got "spammed" from my account.

Here is a cute Youtube:

Wooden Heart (Elvis)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05Zg...e_gdata_player