Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Sobbing like a fucking child. Can't stop crying. I hate myself. I hate everything about myself from how vindictive and mean I am to how I look and how my body looks and I hate what I'm becoming and I really really hate what's happening to me and I wish I could just go back to the girl I wan 9 months ago because that was so easy and so simple and things were good back then but then I grew up and my mind stopped protecting itself because I wasn't a child anymore and could deal with all this crap. And I can't and it's difficult and I hate, mainly, that my biggest downfall is that there's no one here to hug me when I cry. Because I can;t have that. And that's the one fucking thing my mind decides to want. Great. Just fucking brilliant.

Rant: Where the fuck is that thread for drunk people? I'm totally losing it right now lmao drank too much beer and I'm pissed I can't find that thread ffs

Rant: Hey wishful why don't you PM me and tell me wtf is up? Stop whining and I might just help you. How do you expect to get people to love you and give you that hug you want when you don't even love yourself. I'm not trying to be a bitch here, just saying how I feel about the matter at hand. Talk about jesus baby christ ffs if you really need some help you'd do yourself good to get some 1-on-1

Rave: I feel pretty good right now. I'm gonna stop giving people my value when they haven't even earned it yet. I love being honest, it makes me feel good.

Rave: I've also been meditating every single day the past week, it makes me feel better. I'm quite happy and I respect myself for being able to do it every day.

Rave: My life is awesome.

Rave: Physics class I take is going awesome, I'm gonna kick that test's ass and get an 8 or higher. It will make myself and my dad proud.

Rave: Why the fuck would I rant about my life when I can rave? That's right. Only ranting isn't gonna get you shit, except get you deeper in an impregnated well full of shit that's a metaphor for you life. Enjoy the good things, even if it's just the sun shining on my bald head. Even the plants and birds being alive. It's quite awesome actually, and just thinking about it makes me happy.

Captain Athylus out. If you have any questions that sucks for you cus I'm not gonna answer them. Time for sleepy sleepy! Good night all

Originally Posted by Athylus

Rant: Hey wishful why don't you PM me and tell me wtf is up? Stop whining and I might just help you. How do you expect to get people to love you and give you that hug you want when you don't even love yourself. I'm not trying to be a bitch here, just saying how I feel about the matter at hand. Talk about jesus baby christ ffs if you really need some help you'd do yourself good to get some 1-on-1

I'll take you up on the... idea(? :L) next time I'm feeling like that. It's weird. THe feeling's are almost cyclical. I have people who love me, I just don't have people who can be there when I need them if that makes sense? Complicated British person's young story there. I think it just helps to bitxh it like that. Because I can flow every negative thought out to a blank page, without specificly telling someone and making them sad but then it gives me a clean mental slate to build myself up on.



It's 3:30am. And I can't sleep because my nightmare's have peaked in their intensity. My skin condition is also playing up tonight and that makes it difficult to lay back and get some sleep.

So.... I didn't get that job that I thought was pretty much a sure thing. Someone else had more experience apparently. At least the guy called me back though, was nice.
I'm gonna have to ring the other one up tomorrow to see what's taking them so long to decide, and if I don't get that one....
I have absolutely no fucking idea what I'm going to do. Right back to square one. FML in the ass.

Originally Posted by Wishfulthinker

I'll take you up on the... idea(? :L) next time I'm feeling like that. It's weird. THe feeling's are almost cyclical. I have people who love me, I just don't have people who can be there when I need them if that makes sense? Complicated British person's young story there. I think it just helps to bitxh it like that. Because I can flow every negative thought out to a blank page, without specificly telling someone and making them sad but then it gives me a clean mental slate to build myself up on.



It's 3:30am. And I can't sleep because my nightmare's have peaked in their intensity. My skin condition is also playing up tonight and that makes it difficult to lay back and get some sleep.

Sounds interesting, I have a skin condition myself.

Yeah I feel ya, letting the negative feelings build up isn't exactly the best thing to do either. You should work out in that case, or go to jog. Trust me, it makes you feel better. Just requires a lot of willpower and discipline.

Originally Posted by Maeni

I'm so sorry but I don't get the joke ;_;


Maybe a sign that I'm moving on from her. But moving on from 'that'? That's really not going to happen.
Maybe my crush on her was due to the fact that I didn't know any other girls her age, so I just caught on to the first and best thing. Or maybe this feeling I have now is just something temporal. There has been other days where I went home genuinely wondering if I would ever want to go back, and then literally the very next day was absolutely amazing due to spending it with her. I just feel like I've had a streak of bad days. I'm tired of being the one who's responsible for them. Last time I hung out with them, we went to the swimming center, and then had some food at the little kebab place like we usually do. But on the way back they wanted to go inside every god damn store, and I said no. This time, adamantly. Usually I'd eventually bow to most of their demands, but this time it became a battle between me and K. She wanted to go this way, I said no we can't go. She just kept walking, knowing that there's practically nothing I can do. I can either convince her, go her way or physically force her the other way, those were my choices. I went over to her to try with the first option, but by then she had already walked quite a bit down the second hallway of the shopping center so we ended up walking that way. Miraculously I managed to convince them not to enter the stores they wanted to go inside. If they had done that... What the hell could I have done?

We were still stopped a bunch of times, mostly to "quickly" look at something. By the time we'd gotten through the center to do the stuff we needed to do (get money back for some soda cans), they had asked me to do like a thousand things, and for me to buy a thousand things for them, and for me to take them all kinds of places. Of course they asked if they could just borrow money from me, but I know they don't pay it back. The thing all this lead to was K eventually remarking "You always say no."
Well thanks a fucking lot. And here I thought most of my money had been drained down your throat but I guess I never do anything for you.

Expecting little girls to be reasonable... I dunno, I'm not sure I do, I just don't know how to deal with it.
This also makes me feel a tad ungrateful. There's plenty of people like me who don't have anything like this and now I'm whining about it. Maybe I should read back some of the good memories in my diary...

It's funny reading this because I know you spend lots of time with them and yet you don't understand them.

So, for future outings, try setting some limits and make a plan you both can agree on, with a little leeway for diversions and changes to the plan. Offer choices. Say things like, "Okay, you have a choice. You can go to this other place but then we can't go to the place we planned to go."

Small concessions, choices, and time limits can make all the difference. If the kids are involved in the plan and can accept choices then you'll have fewer headaches.


What's also funny is how much your post reminds me of a relationship where one partner is complaining about the other. These type of complaints appear a lot after the first two years when a relationship gets into a "rut" and couples forget to focus on coming together and make each other happy.



Okay, I need food....so many rants, so little time.

You know, I came here to rant and rave, I even typed out this whole big thing, but fuck it. I might type it out again later, or I might not. I'm not really sure at this point.

I'm not actually back from vacation yet, I just happen to have computer access right now. So I'll just say hi for now.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

You know, I came here to rant and rave, I even typed out this whole big thing, but fuck it. I might type it out again later, or I might not. I'm not really sure at this point.

I'm not actually back from vacation yet, I just happen to have computer access right now. So I'll just say hi for now.

Hi!

Originally Posted by SnowyCat

Hi!

Hey Snowy!

Thank you Melanie for the input. I have felt like cold hard advice is what I've been needing. And perhaps a lot of it, too.
Most of the things are completely sensible but I have a feeling that I'm going to find it hard to actually implement it. But making it into choices and incorporating those choices into the plan before even leaving, I think that would help me. What do you mean I don't understand them?

I also think it'll be difficult simply because I have to take a stance. Things like having food afterward strikes me as something I shouldn't have agreed to do. We could have brought our own food or we could eat when we get home, the trip to and from the swimming center is like 15 minutes. But if I want to stop doing that... I don't know if I could do that, or if I should. There's actually so many things that I've been confused about and where I've just not known what to do or what I should do. Sigh. I hope keeping this in mind will help next time, I think it could. But in a way, I fear that the problem has more to do with how I'm just unable to be decisive. I'm easily swayed and don't really ever have a plan. But maybe I can have one if I actually think about it.

I guess next time she calls me I'll tell her I want things to be a little different before I go... I miss just coming over to visit them instead of making plans to go everywhere. Even visiting them nowadays always ends up with some kind of "lets go and buy X" hanging over me. And other things.

Just saw a post on reddit last night showing pictures from allegedly South Korea where they eat dogs.
It was showing the horrible living conditiong, literally stuffed in tiny cages, they get infected, rotting eyes, fleas, skin conditions etc.
Then they are crammed in to smaller cages after a few years and taken to the market.
They literally torture them because, quoting "The sheer agony and suffering they go through prior to death is believed to increase male potency".
That's right, another fucking erection "medicine". Just like Rhino horns and countless other bullshit remedies which are endangering species and causing pain and suffering for others.

They fucking boil the dogs alive to get rid of their fur, the dogs are still alive by the end of it, and then they scorch their skin with blow torches to "make it look nice".
Most dogs die from shock during the blow torching.

Some places also slow hang the dogs to kill them, meaning the neck doesn't break, they just suffocate to death.
Others break the dog's back legs so they can't run away while they slit their throat.

Humans make me sick, I wanted to kill myself after seeing that just so I don't have to be part of the human race.

That's got to be one of the worst things I've ever heard. I just hope it isn't true, it sounds too horrible to be true.

People need to have respect for other living beings. Jesus christ they are stupid.

Originally Posted by tommo

Just saw a post on reddit last night showing pictures from allegedly South Korea where they eat dogs.

...

Humans make me sick, I wanted to kill myself after seeing that just so I don't have to be part of the human race.

That's awful.... I just don't understand how people can be so cruel without fucking hating themselves. I don't think I could even bring myself to do that kind of work if I was forced, I would have some kind of breakdown....

Originally Posted by Dianeva

That's got to be one of the worst things I've ever heard. I just hope it isn't true, it sounds too horrible to be true.

I wouldn't hold your breath, unfortunately. I had to do a project presentation about PETA for college this semester so I ended up researching a lot of the causes they fight for. They do some disgusting things to those poor animals....

----

Rant: I'm a terrible influence. It's like I have an alarm in my head that goes off whenever there's someone I can corrupt in the immediate vicinity. I've actually known that for a long time, but sometimes it stands out more than others. I never gave it a thought before, but lately I'm not sure what to think about it. I'm not sure if I'm at the point where I actually want to change it yet, but I feel like I should want to.

This is probably the last time I'll have internet until we get home. I'll see you all then.

Oh god why did I have to read that? And right before going to bed too.

Well, pleasant dreams everyone!

=/

Why am I always so painfully horny?

Originally Posted by tommo

Just saw a post on reddit last night showing pictures from allegedly South Korea where they eat dogs.
It was showing the horrible living conditiong, literally stuffed in tiny cages, they get infected, rotting eyes, fleas, skin conditions etc.
Then they are crammed in to smaller cages after a few years and taken to the market.
They literally torture them because, quoting "The sheer agony and suffering they go through prior to death is believed to increase male potency".
That's right, another fucking erection "medicine". Just like Rhino horns and countless other bullshit remedies which are endangering species and causing pain and suffering for others.

They fucking boil the dogs alive to get rid of their fur, the dogs are still alive by the end of it, and then they scorch their skin with blow torches to "make it look nice".
Most dogs die from shock during the blow torching.

Some places also slow hang the dogs to kill them, meaning the neck doesn't break, they just suffocate to death.
Others break the dog's back legs so they can't run away while they slit their throat.

Humans make me sick, I wanted to kill myself after seeing that just so I don't have to be part of the human race.

O_O Now I am almost getting that feeling to, that might just be one of the most evil thing I have ever heard about!

But I guess a better course of action is to do as much you can against that kind of things, after all dying won't make it end. It helps to think about that there are a lot of people who are fighting against that kind of things, so there is still some hope for humanity.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

That's got to be one of the worst things I've ever heard. I just hope it isn't true, it sounds too horrible to be true.

Definitely true, I'd post the pictures.... but, it's too cruel to see. Not many people could handle it.

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

Oh god why did I have to read that? And right before going to bed too.

Well, pleasant dreams everyone!

Sorry bro, was thinking about spoilers but I didn't think text would matter that much, guess sometimes imagination can be worse though.

Originally Posted by Unbound

O_O Now I am almost getting that feeling to, that might just be one of the most evil thing I have ever heard about!

But I guess a better course of action is to do as much you can against that kind of things, after all dying won't make it end. It helps to think about that there are a lot of people who are fighting against that kind of things, so there is still some hope for humanity.

This is true, there was one picture with a dog that was being rescued by an animal aid group. So yes, I suppose there is hope.

Want to make a dress and a corset.

Dress pattern - http://img.auctiva.com/imgdata/1/7/2...08117899_o.jpg

Really not having a good night. And it's one of those nights that the only things that'll 'burn away the sadness' is love but alas the boyfriend's tired and has gone to bed so I'm left staring at a computer screen wishing I wasn't so screwed up.

Well, SO shes got a guy that talks to her all the time on the phone, he just posted a heart on her wall on FB. go figure... Don't really know what to do, I think I should just cut it off, but I don't know who she's playing him or me, probably both.

FUCK! I just wrote a post here and accidentally closed the tab. I reopened it with ctrl+shift+t but my message was gone. =(
This sucks. I liked the post I was making and don't want to write it all again. This fucking sucks. I'll try to summarize but am going to rush it.

Basically, I was up doing a research project for 22 hours straight yesterday, because I had to finish it before taking the test which I just finished an hour ago. I also got 2 hours of sleep because I was working on the project until 8 am. There's a mode that my mind goes into whenever I'm EXTREMELY stressed or upset in some way and need to get something done or just do not have time to break down. While in this state, I run my emotions in the background and devote no conscious attention to them. If I don't focus on them, I can't feel them. I still feel them in a way, but I force my mind to just endure and get whatever done, despite being upset and tired. That description doesn't really describe it accurately. It feels like a specific state of mind, an adaptive human defense mechanism. Or did my own mind come up with the mechanism? So, I'm wondering whether anyone else experiences something similar.

Even though I'm finished with this course, I don't feel like I'm actually finished. I've been so stressed over the last few days, I can't let go of that feeling, and I feel like there must be some extremely stressful thing I have to do that I'm forgetting.

In the car, after my mom picked me up from the test center, she asked me something odd. She asked if I was hungry, and if I want to go out with her for a glass of wine. "Wine? At 3 pm?" her: "oh idk... why not!?" I said no because that would just be weird and I don't like talking to her for extended amounts of time. But she wanted to talk anyway, so we talked throughout the car ride and for a few minutes after we got home. She thinks I have Asperger's syndrome, which I denied. I was running on 2 hours of sleep and was so tired, and wanted to enjoy the course being over. In fact it almost felt like something stressful was bound to happen. I admitted I didn't want to have it because of the name. But also, I don't like labeling myself with things. Unless there's some underlying brain condition, I don't see a point in labeling people with disorders based on some random conglomeration of odd personality traits.

My mom thinks that she herself has the condition mildly, and she wonders if maybe I have it. Basically, this bothered me because I have no problem with my personality. I know that I act completely differently from other people of my age and gender. But my personality is unique. I used to be self-conscious about it, but now I've accepted it and am happy with myself. But I've always felt that she has a problem with the way I act, that she's judging me heavily whenever she sees me, and this feeling may lead to me acting even more like I have aspergers around her, because it makes me get all tense and not want to speak to her at all, and I end up speaking all monotone. This causes me to be even more self-conscious about it. So I feel like her bringing this up, although she says she means well and I'm sure she thinks she means well, is really just a method she's using not to think there'es something wrong with me. If I had some personality disorder that could be labeled, she'd no longer have a problem with me and think there's just something wrong with me, and instead she could just categorize me to have asperger's and so my personality might start to make more sense to her. I did get curious and took a stupid online test
http://www.aspergerstestsite.com/
and scored 28, which is labeled as 'borderline'. But I felt like those questions would be answered similarly by most antisocial people, so I don't know. Maybe someone else can take the test.

Interesting. I took that test myself and scored a 32 (I was formally diagnosed years and years ago). And yet I've adapted to the point that nobody would ever see me as more than a geek if I didn't tell them. To be honest, though, I didn't like the test much. Why'd I have to agree or disagree with everything? There were several I wanted to pick "indifferent" on but couldn't, and sorta picked arbitrarily on a lot of them.

Anyways... I wouldn't worry about the test. If you get along well enough in society, it doesn't even matter if you have Asperger's or not. The label is most important in early childhood, where you learn to talk late, for example, or other things like that. If you can get some 1-on-1 coaching in like elementary school like I did then it can help you "understand" people better. *shrug* At this point I'm content with my small circle of close friends, and they're happy to have me. I don't worry about it any more than that.

Now I'd meant to update on the situation I mentioned last month or so... Basically the friend with the schizophrenia is doing okay, but he isn't happy about the situation. I can't really blame him. It's clear the medicine he's on has a pretty powerful sedating effect, and he must be devastated having to give up the business he's been running. Financially then, there's one person bringing in income to support a 2-bedroom apartment with 5 people in it... it just doesn't work. We're planning to have me move out of my one-bedroom and split the rent on a new 2-bedroom between me, the other money earner and his boyfriend. But that means leaving the schizophrenic friend behind, and two other good friends... one of them being my best friend, and the reason I even moved to Colorado in the first place.

Now it's not all bad... The best friend DID end up getting an interview... but for an unpaid internship. But any internship would help him finally complete his degree and with that, help him get a job in general. He's got a second interview lined up for tomorrow, so here's hoping.

I've also found that even a small amount of pot these days causes a negative reaction in me. I feel nauseous, which makes me sort of panic (because I practically have a phobia of vomiting). So... I'm not going to be touching it for a long time. I don't really need it at the moment to keep my head up, and maybe it will turn out in the end that it wasn't really for me.