non-lucid

Morning of February 19, 2018. Monday.



In the first part of my dream, I notice a square hole in the floor in front of our couch, near the middle, about a third of the size of the couch. I consider that our youngest daughter might fall through if she is not paying attention, although the concern does not dominate my thoughts, as I also consider she would likely be aware of it for the most part. It seems to be late afternoon. The couch is in the wrong orientation. It is perpendicular to its real location, as it is on the west side of the lounge room facing east (where it has never been in reality) instead of being at the south edge of the lounge room facing north.

Later, Zsuzsanna and I are in a fictional room that is oriented where our oldest son’s room would be in reality, though is implied to be a mostly featureless lounge room, though there are bookshelves present. Zsuzsanna remains on my left. I focus on what looks like water dripping from a small area of the ceiling. I somehow see through the ceiling and see a large hole in the roof (as if I had x-ray vision, a fairly common dream state trait), oriented to my right. I tell Zsuzsanna of this, remembering that a new roof had just been built onto our house (in reality) and this new one has already partly “dissolved”. I also notice a smaller hole in the roof near the far corner of the room. I strongly focus on the idea of rain and water coming down, and (without viable lucidity) see water pouring through the small narrow irregular hole in the ceiling.

After this, I expect more water to come in near where the cat is sleeping in the far corner. A smaller amount of water than in the first instance comes through the ceiling near the corner and splashes the cat, but it does not seem that annoyed and remains in its position. I have a vague concern about books getting wet, but no more water comes through and I slowly wake. (The supposed rainwater event is more like someone quickly pouring water from a bucket from the two areas above the ceiling rather than a leak caused by rain or an even amount of water over time as it does not even seem to be raining when I look through the ceiling with x-ray vision, and then through the hole in the roof each time, as the sky is blue and cloudless.)

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My dream self’s first focus is on the hole in the floor. This represents neural OR gating relating to a subliminal focus on Zsuzsanna’s unconsciousness, as it is in the same location in front of the couch where Zsuzsanna sits in reality. However, when Zsuzsanna later appears in my dream, she remains on my left when subliminal autosymbolism of our real sleeping position is present.

Vestibular System Personification is incidentally rendered as our youngest daughter in this case. There is no modulating RAS factor or personification thereof and my dream self’s concern is illusory and ambiguous as in many past dreams of this nature.

The holes in the roof represent neural OR gating of my conscious self identity (which has featured in many past dreams as such), to my dream self’s right as I am sleeping on my left side, my right side more exposed to my real environment. The larger hole, closest to my dream self, opens to my consciousness precursor, the other, Zsuzsanna’s. Neural OR gating means that my conscious self is manipulating my dream, with my personified subconscious (dream self) being only subliminally aware of the implications (that is, without full recall of the dream state, as the subconscious level lacks viable intelligence and temporality). To clarify, my conscious self is subliminally aware of being in the dream state, though my dream self is not (and does not even recall what a dream is), though my dream’s autosymbolism is still based on a value of “one” (OR gate). This is why there is a hole in the roof and why my dream self can see it through the ceiling (liminal space divider, that is, a neural pattern between dream self and conscious self).

The cat is a precursory emergent consciousness factor (as a common liminal space denizen). My dream self is aware of its autosymbolism, which links a thread to my conscious self identity of which tries to reinduce and sustain the dream state by willing it to rain. (Even though in real life, rain coming into our home after the roof was torn off was obviously a negative event.)

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Morning of February 17, 2018. Saturday.



Dream Series: The Experience of Prescience, the Inexplicable Dream State Phenomenon. Part 2

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In the first part of my dream, my wife Zsuzsanna and our family are living back on Barolin Street in Australia (though the house has not been there for years). My dream self does not perceive this as incorrect (as usual). We are all in the living room at first. Zsuzsanna’s brothers George and Sonny are visiting, though appear as they were in about 2000. Even though they are talking a lot, I do not clearly follow what they are saying. They seem cheerful for the most part. Eventually, I hear them mention their annoyance about a particular dog, though it seems that two dogs from their neighbor’s yard got into his backyard, which George seems to imply has killed or at least attacked one of his horses. They make a remark about doing something about it, and talk about getting a rifle, but they do not seem very serious, as they seem too cheerful to appear as seeking vengeance.

Somehow, a sheriff (dressed in a khaki uniform) enters our house, though from a fictional entrance at the southeast corner of the room. He starts talking about how certain kinds of dogs, as well as certain types of weapons, are not allowed in the region. He does not seem angry or intent on making an arrest at any point.

I focus on the sheriff even though he does not seem to regard me at any time. I seem to be sitting down, though my physical awareness at this time is minimal. His appearance becomes more and more bizarre. As I look at his face, it seems wider and wider at the bottom, and narrower and narrower at the top. It seems very strange to me on one level, but on another level, I do not grasp the full surreal nature. I even have a thought like, “so that is what people’s faces look like from this angle”.

Eventually, George and Sonny are leaving. I go with Zsuzsanna and them to the front entrance, except that as they leave, I am now going into the backyard of the Loomis Street house in America (where I have not been since 1994) and they are walking out to the alley. My dream self does not question this impossible change. It is dark outside, though I can still see a lot of detail. Still, at first, I think there is snow on the ground or possibly light-colored hair, but this seems like an ambiguous view. I walk around the south side of the house and notice the dirt is strangely soft so that my feet sink down a few inches (though there is no problematic element). There is no grass. As I look down at the ground, there is a very unusual atypical mood, but I cannot quite describe it.

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Friday, 30 March 2018: What I presently understand about this dream, based on the following real-life event: From exactly one week after this dream, in real life, two large dogs somehow got into our backyard and damaged a couple bird cages (the birds remaining unharmed as I caught them in time) as well as tore apart the Guinea pig cage (on our back porch) just before that, chewed up our children’s pet, but left it lying in the yard near our fence. They also deliberately picked up a few glass bowls (which we use for food and water for our pets) with their mouths and smashed them back onto the concrete as well as pulling out a few lengths of old electrical wiring (no longer in use) from under the back of the house. I felt the same unexplainable anticipation and eerie mood upon realizing our children’s pet was lying in pieces on the ground as I did in my dream concerning the vague uncertainty over the nature of the ground, but it is very hard to describe in words (though my dream’s prescience was quite skewed in regard to the specific details). Also, there was light-colored hair strewn over the lawn from the remains of the guinea pig.

Despite part 1 of this series, “The End of the World and Discovering the Sleeper” also turning out to be quite accurately prescient exactly one week ahead, and also of which I completely ignored as a warning as such, that is not always the case. Sometimes the event or feature is shortly after my dream, sometimes one year to the date, other times (such as my marriage to Zsuzsanna) over forty years to the date. It remains inexplicable, especially as there was no reason to consciously expect or even anticipate these events. The owner had come over (against my wishes), who apparently lives down the street somewhere. He offered to give my children a puppy or two (of one of the dogs that killed their pet), which frankly, is about as “absent” of mind and unthinking that anyone could get. About two weeks later, he brought over two guinea pigs, lying to Zsuzsanna that I had told him to do this, when I had made it clear I did not want to see him around our house again.

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On a side note, I had written before of how “reality checks” for some lucid dreamers (who, for whatever reason, are not naturally lucid as I have always been), who have to “practice” at it, ultimately destroy the integrity of RAS mediation, RAS modulation, and viable consciousness itself. (The concept of “reality checks” has always seemed bizarre to me and has never added up, at least based on my own experiences since childhood. Is this really how some people’s minds work?) People as a rule never listen, though. This includes me when it comes to prescience of which is more significant. Regarding part 1 of this series, I should really have made the important connection between the oversized pizza box and coffin composite and our oldest son getting life-threatening food poisoning from pizza from the closest pizza takeaway. Regarding this entry, I should have checked the literal possibility of dogs getting into our yard and adding to (and better securing) the fence at the side of our house, despite the mother dog having difficulty in getting over it when leaving our backyard after the damage was done.

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Morning of February 16, 2018. Friday.



In my dream, the most vivid scenario of the waking transition involves my dream self (personified subconscious) being on a bus with my wife Zsuzsanna and our youngest children. I remain in a passive and thankful mood. The location is unknown. It does not seem familiar, though the bus driver is on the left side, so it seems to be implied to be in America (though I have not lived there since 1994 and Zsuzsanna has never been there).

The bus driver is an unknown chubby female of whom reminds me of my crossing guard from when I lived at 901 Rose Street (near the intersection in a second floor apartment of a building which is no longer there).

It seems to be late morning, though the perceived time seems to change a few times (of which is very common in my dreams, as my subconscious self has no viable sense of time or continuity). There is an intersection up ahead. I am aware that it had been raining. An interesting mood develops. I realize that rain makes human life possible and that without it, the world would have no life. I have a vague awareness that the bus driver had telepathically caused me to realize this.

There had been a flood in one part of the street (from the rain), but the water has lowered. As we near the intersection, I have the typical focus on whether or not the bus driver is competent (this being a long-term carryover from waking life thought since childhood, though this thought does not dominate or seem problematic and I ultimately trust the driver to get us home safely).

The bus stops, but we are apparently not at our destination yet (though my dream self has no focus on where I presently live as is often the case). The bus is on the right side of the street, its back close to the perpendicular street it just turned from. The bus driver says, “I have to find something”. I am standing in the front stairwell of the bus watching her. She puts her hands down into the murky water near the curb. Soon, she pulls out a small tennis racket that is slightly muddy (though with very light-colored tan sand). I am uncertain if this is what she had been looking for, but she gives it to my youngest son. My dream fades from here.

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Zsuzsanna, in real life, had been looking at, and thinking about, small tennis rackets made for dolls while at a Kmart store on the previous day (Our Generation dolls and accessories). There is no explicable way I could have known this or for it to influence the main event in my final dream of the sleeping period. Not only this, she said her thought processes were “stronger” than usual during this event. Additionally, after my dream, she told me of how she had won a tennis racket at age twelve by reaching into water and pulling out a toy duck (relating to a matching number for the prize at a Brisbane show). This is not unusual in my experience, as at least one dream per sleeping period is based on something Zsuzsanna had thought about (or said to someone else) of which I could not have possibly known about. This was validated to have been going on, continuously, long before we met, and additionally, Zsuzsanna is the “mystery girl” who had been in my dreams since childhood (and of whom I even saw in my dreams as an adult while she was still very young).

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The scenario of this dream, a bus approaching an intersection and stopping or bumping into a curb before turning right (sometimes in the event of water lowering waking symbolism as here), has recurred since early childhood, though always with different dynamics. This is based on neural gating. It signifies whether or not the dream state will terminate or continue. (However, there are also inexplicable dynamics of which I will describe below.) As here, the bus turns right and my dream soon ends after the RAS to emergent consciousness factor, additionally validated by the water lowering waking symbolism, which occurs in at least one dream during every sleeping period (water symbolizing sleep in autosymbolism, its dynamics relevant to the specific aspect of REM).

RAS as the personified preconscious is a bus driver here. The biological function of RAS (Reticular Activating System) is for sleep-wake transitions (though again, there are inexplicable dynamics). This is why a dream is primarily autosymbolic of the dream state and waking transition itself, which is why “interpretation” as most commonly propagated is not a real concept despite the Barnum effect.

There is evidence that the side the bus driver is on in a dream correlates with what side I am sleeping on, especially as buses and cars often symbolize (or are an autosymbolic extension of) the human body. (This is also true for boats, airplanes, and trains when vestibular system ambiguity is more extant in REM. In fact, there has even been a dream where a bus I was on rolled over after I rolled over to sleep on my opposite side. However, the content of a dream must be looked at closely, as autosymbolism is based on the specific level of unconsciousness and varies from state to state through the waking transition.)

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I know that RAS mediation and modulation as a dream’s final event, when it utilizes personification as the preconscious as here, is often transpersonal (inherently unrelated to both the dream self and the conscious self by its very nature and purpose, as its purpose is to ignite enough emotion to trigger waking, including by way of dominance or perceived conflict, real or not, though some of this “conflict” is caused by muscle tension in unconsciousness as well as vestibular system ambiguity or subliminal concern over unknown environmental noise). This tells me that RAS is not simply the biological factor of the neural gating of the dream state in REM, but transpersonal neural gating that also occurs when I am conscious. However, the dynamics are puzzling. Sometimes these events have happened in real time (during my nap while Zsuzsanna was elsewhere and “sending” in real time) and sometimes based on recent thoughts that Zsuzsanna had held in her mind but which later integrates into my dream.

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Morning of February 15, 2017. Wednesday.



I am with Zsuzsanna in Cubitis. We are mostly watching the nighttime sky and standing near Highway Seventeen at first. The stars are beautiful. There are no other people around.

At one point, there is a large sparse group of what I first take to be stars. It turns out that they are UFOs that move northeasterly across the sky (above the western horizon), almost like equidistant dust motes. As I watch, there is one larger object amidst the others that moves to the front of the group. It is white and glowing. It goes through two transformations; an overhead view of the Starship Enterprise (original design) and a white silhouette of a man (as big as the previous Enterprise image) with his arms out (perpendicular to his body). This feature moves erratically ahead of the group as if moving through an invisible maze, with a comedic sense. There is a typical factor of liminal dream control here, as I am very vaguely aware my expectations are influencing the UFOs somehow, but it is not enough to cause me to question my level of consciousness, even though it relates to my most common form of autosymbolism - vestibular system correlation that is additionally validated by the “body as vehicle” dream state association where the spaceship becomes the figure of a man. (Also, it is curious that I witness both the Enterprise and flying man from the top, which, from my viewpoint, would imply “they” are flying sideways, though this is a result of sleeping on my left side in the same orientation as the flying “man”.)

My dream shifts and I am in my Cubitis bedroom. I still seem to be watching the entire sky, though there is a strange bilocated distortion (as if my view is from indoors and outdoors at the same time - a very common dream state ambiguity caused by the liminal awareness of my physical body being in bed). The stars appear somewhat dim even though there are dense clusters. Ambiguity, caused by a shift in the level of unconsciousness, seems to be that I am looking at cheap wallpaper with a sketchy outer space design on it (which is also a result of liminal space autosymbolism, a wall being the implied barrier between dream self identity and conscious self identity, thus this dream is a unique form of combined autosymbolism of liminal space awareness with vestibular system correlation). The wallpaper at least covers the west area of the room (where there were otherwise large windows) and at least part of the south area.

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Morning of February 14, 2018. Wednesday.



By way of liminal dream control (manipulation of the dream state without lucidity as a result of virtuous circle liminal understanding of what the dream state is), features and events in a dream can get really surreal and abstract, yet still with deep involvement of the dream self and inherent autosymbolism representing the dream state and waking process itself.

My dream’s setting is mainly in the dining room of the Loomis Street house. My dream self does not regard it as a typical wrong setting. My wife Zsuzsanna is with me (mostly remaining on my left as in our sleeping orientation). I have the task of digging up roots from parts of sections of grass to make a new garden within the floor so that only dirt remains. In this case, after spending several minutes pulling roots from the dirt of the dining room “floor”, I notice the end of a section of a miniature culvert within a hole in the ground of about four inches deep.

Snakes will come as a RAS trigger during any time period, regardless of life circumstances or the experiences of the dreamer. It is a biological process in all primates. The purpose is often simply to alert the sleeper to prepare for waking, regardless of any real threat (and often light environmental noise, or even a vague awareness of the real environment, is enough to trigger RAS mediation of this kind).

As such, when I focus on the miniature culvert, I am thinking an animal may live within, that is, that it leads to the animal’s home. I do not even consider how ridiculous the idea is for an animal to build a tiny “culvert” with human design aspects. There is something in the back of my mind, the very familiar anticipatory feeling caused by subliminal expectation of RAS mediation, a main factor of my dreams since early childhood.

I briefly mention it to Zsuzsanna. My dream temporarily distorts into my older sister Marilyn making a very brief appearance (though mostly as she was in the 1960s) and my illogical thoughts relating to whether or not she had died (though she had in real life in 2014). My brother-in-law Bob is moving stuff around that belonged to her, relating to her death, even though she had been in the house minutes before. The ambiguity of me living with Zsuzsanna on Loomis Street when Marilyn and her husband were not even living there when she died does not come into focus. This error of Marilyn and her husband occurs very often, likely because it was their last address of which I saw in real life before my move to Australia.

Eventually, my expectations are answered, and a very small grayish snake (though of various shades, including a sort of brown tone) crawls from the miniature culvert. It is only about the size of an earthworm. It eventually crawls to the kitchen. My dreaming mind is expecting this RAS mediation, but it is so weak an attempt, the snake stops moving. I am not sure if I mentally killed it or not.

Looking into the living room from the open dining room area, I see several separate longer blades of grass on the floor, about a dozen in total. There seems to be an unrealistically large table taking up much of the living room space as I am looking under it from the opposite end of the dining room. I am wondering if one of these grass pieces is actually the snake (which makes no sense as it had just been in the kitchen). The whole time, there is not much of a perceived threat and it is almost as if my dream self is trying to activate RAS again by anticipating a small snake manifesting from a grass blade. No snake appears and I eventually awake, feeling too warm (even with our fan on).

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Morning of February 14, 2018. Wednesday.

Dream #: 18,685-02. Reading time (optimized): 1 min 30 sec.



My dream’s irrelevant setting is the dining room of the Loomis Street house. Zsuzsanna is with me (mostly remaining on my left as in our sleeping orientation). I am digging up roots from parts of sections of grass for a new garden within the “ground” (floor), so only dirt remains.

After spending several minutes pulling roots from the dirt of the dining room “floor,” I notice the end of a section of a little culvert within a hole in the ground of about four inches deep.

When I focus on the little culvert, I think an animal may live in it or that it leads to the animal’s home underground. (I do not consider how ridiculous the idea is for an animal to build a tiny culvert as if by human design). There is a familiar anticipatory feeling caused by the subliminal expectation of waking process dynamics.

I briefly mention it to Zsuzsanna. My older sister Marilyn makes a brief appearance (mostly as she was in the 1960s) and I have illogical thoughts about whether she had died. Because of her death, Bob is moving her belongings even though she had been in the house minutes before.

An answer to my expectation begins. A tiny grayish snake (though of various shades, including a brown tone) crawls from the little culvert. It is only about the size of an earthworm. It eventually crawls to the kitchen. My dreaming mind is expecting this, but it is so vague, the snake stops moving. I consider I may have killed it with my thoughts.

Looking into the living room from the dining room, I see about a dozen long blades of grass on the floor. There seems to be an unrealistically large table taking up much of the living room as I am looking under it from the opposite end of the dining room. I wonder if one of these grass pieces is the snake (which makes no sense as it had just been in the kitchen). There is never a perceived threat. It is as if my dream self is trying to activate RAS again by anticipating a small snake manifesting from a grass blade. No snake appears, and I awake, too warm (even with our fan on).

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Morning of February 7, 2018. Wednesday.



In my dream, I am sitting at a small round metal table that is implied to be at an outdoor restaurant. However, it is actually the backyard of my present home, though my dream self does not perceive it as such. It seems to be early afternoon. There is an unknown male of about thirty years old who is sitting across from me. I am ready to eat what I think is a hamburger.

The other male looks on as another male approaches the area behind me. He seems to be a young Asian of about twenty. He places an object of about the shape and size of a cupcake on the pavement. It has another feature in the center that looks like a vertically oriented drinking staw. The other male tells him that he is really rude and implies that he is up to something.

Looking at it, my head turned around to my right trying to discern what it might be, I am somewhat wary, wondering if it is some sort of small explosive, not as a threat, but something that will just make a loud noise. The Asian male goes back to sit with at least two other people to the right of the back of my house (which my dream self does not yet recognize as such). Soon, water (or what seems to be water) starts spraying directly upward from the feature that resembles a drinking straw. It makes a soft fizzing sound.

I turn back around to get ready to eat, but the back left leg of my chair seems to have vanished or melted as a result of the unknown object and the “water” that came out. I feel my body almost fall to the ground but I am able to stand up in time. I am very annoyed. I go to where the young male is. I find a thin hardcover book and start hitting him on both sides of his head very hard. He eventually seems very dazed and is mostly on the ground on his left side. I do not want to kill him, so I eventually stop.

I walk to the back door of my house with only a vague realization of where I am. Ian Somerhalder (the actor) is sitting on the steps (right side when facing the back of the house from the backyard).

I say, “I did not want to be too violent, I just wanted to get the message across.”

Ian says, “Yes, you used just the right amount of physical strength and force.” I am aware on one level that I am making him say what I want as if I had total control. (This is a recurring dream factor, where I somehow know I am dreaming and controlling what the characters say, yet not with a viable memory of the dream state or active lucidity.) I turn to go into my house at the subliminal call of the waking prompt.

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This dream uses the same basic waking autosymbolism as always, but the roles are curiously different. I recognize the variant of the mechanism, as it has happened often before.

Doorway waking symbolism is rendered as my dream’s exit point (a doorway symbolizing a shift in the level of unconsciousness, in this case, fully waking).

In this case, the preconscious (Ian Somerhalder) is passive and under the control of my emergent consciousness in liminal space, somewhat different than the typical non-lucid RAS mediation, though he is still by the doorway during the transition.

The unusual form of an attempt at water reinduction softened the hypnopompic kick which atypically did not wake me with a start but of which I was aware of in the dream state. I (subliminally) decided to wake myself anyway.

It was my dream self (personified subconscious) that tried to bring the personified unconscious out of the dream state by hitting him with a book (an emergent consciousness factor which has been recognized as such since early childhood, as only the conscious self can feasibly read and understand large amounts of text, as in the dream state, it is typically unstable and often changes when attempting to read the same text the second time). The final position of the personified unconscious as I had been striking him matched my sleeping position exactly. I typically do not dominate RAS mediation other than in dreams of the first part of the sleeping period or in apex lucidity, based on my awareness of the dream state (whether or not I am lucid, as there is always a factor which seems to indicate dream awareness at one level or another) and whether I want to wake or not.

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Morning of February 5, 2018. Monday.



I enter an unusual state of faux lucidity, where I have the awareness of what the dream state is and how to create and manipulate dreams, but I do not have my conscious self identity or full realization I am dreaming at the time even as I am creating and manipulating my dream (a bizarre enigma that cannot be resolved in waking life thought, yet which I otherwise experience very often). This is different from states where I am aware of my conscious self at one level, yet do not recall what a dream is, though I am still able to greatly influence dream events and features. This validates that the nature of RAS mediation is not predictable due to the variations of circadian rhythms, as the biological need to wake varies depending on depth of sleep, physical needs, and certain thought processes - many of which are random (for example, threads of something seen on television or material from a book).

I step into the dream state, yet immediately lose conscious self monitoring. I find myself walking through an open area that seems to be a wide street in an unfamiliar city. I am thinking to myself about what time period that I want the dream’s setting to occur in. I think about it being the 1920s, 1930s, or 1940s, and decide I will make it the 1930s.

I watch people walk around, dressed as if they were from the 1930s (although it had been the 1920s before I willed the change). I offer to help an unfamiliar woman (of about fifty) by carrying her package, but she is not interested in me helping her.

Next, I focus on dream state indicators (still without viable awareness that I am dreaming at the time, as this is by residual threads of habit in the lucid dream state since childhood). I find myself in the southwest bedroom of Cubitis (where I have not been since June of 1978). A young version of Zsuzsanna is in the bed, which is aligned along the south wall, head at the southwest corner. I create a radio for her to listen to, but then I am trying to remember if the songs that are playing are from the 1930s or from a much later period, as I do not want to alarm her with inexplicable sounds.

I get distracted and summon a group of dream characters to then look through the door of my room. However, the doorway opens into a landscape instead of my old Cubitis bedroom. I create the essence of a dinosaur in the distance (a typical act in faux lucidity since childhood) and tell the unknown people to watch. The dinosaur eventually appears, but is like a mix of stegosaurus and tyrannosaurus. It moves over the top of a mountain, from right to left in profile (subliminal reinduction attempt), and roars. It is far away at this time and poses no threat.

From here, I go back to the southwest bedroom, but then RAS mediation temporarily increases and I go into the bathroom (and although I do have to use the bathroom in reality, it is not yet that intense a wake-up call), as I am aware the dinosaur is in the house (which makes no sense as it would be too big) and I am now wary of it (even though I had deliberately created it minutes before). I close the door to subliminally avoid the waking activation. I feel soft weight pressing against the door, but I am able to keep it closed. Still, RAS mediation triggers an offset dream of a different level of awareness rather than doorway waking symbolism fully activating.

Entering a different dream state and level of awareness, I then find myself walking with a group of people that I had summoned. Zsuzsanna is present as she is now. We are all walking through an unknown city.

Ahead, and to our right, next to the curb, is an oversized vehicle that resembles a giant stagecoach (more like a stagecoach illogically mixed with a circus train car and doubled in size). It is basically a cage on wheels in the shape of a giant colorful stagecoach. The area behind where the driver would sit is an open area where a lion jumps up and looks down at us. There are other lions in the cage in the bottom area. I am thinking that the lion will jump down near us, but it remains in its location, as something vague in the back of my mind reminds me of subliminal dream manipulation but not directly and not with viable lucidity. This is a bizarre enigma, to subliminally reflect on subliminal (non-lucid) control of the dream state without being viably aware of being in the dream state and yet controlling the dream anyway.

From here, there is an area where people are watching a gorilla walk around. P.T. Barnum is present and showing off the gorilla. There is a cage, and straw covers the street upon where the cage had been placed, but the gorilla is able to leave the cage through the open area. There is no threat however, and the people do not seem that impressed. There is an unknown girl present and I tell her to become part of the scene so that there is an additional ape for the people to view. She does not look like a gorilla of course, but I eventually decide to make her with hair all over. She goes over to the gorilla and P.T. Barnum seems slightly puzzled but somewhat appreciative, even though the girl is not actually a gorilla or acts like one. It seems the public will believe anything, which pleases him. I vaguely remember the Barnum effect, which relates to people who believe in “dream interpretation”. My dream eventually fades with no dominant RAS event. (P.T. Barnum is the personified preconscious in this case, though my dream self already has a thread of emergent consciousness evidenced by my odd state of faux lucidity, so I wake without the need for a strong emotion as the waking alert factor.)

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Morning of February 2, 2018. Friday.



I find myself in an unknown and unfamiliar location, though as my dream self, I do not think of it as such. Zsuzsanna is present in the majority of scenes, which involve my usage of a raygun in an unusual activity.

At first, only sparks come out. I find myself in an unfamiliar room where an unknown female (of about thirty) sits near a desk. As I aim it upwards at nothing in particular, sparks fly out and one lands on the female’s knee, which apparently hurts. I apologize for this, but when the sparks land on me, they create a pleasant sensation.

In most other scenes, I am outside, though under some sort of shelter with industrial implications of which include a convergence of many different horizontal and vertical pipes. There is a square opening through the ceiling and roof of no more than one foot by one foot. I have an unusual false memory that the moon powers the gun, but I only use it to fire upward. I stand in one area, aiming it through the opening in the ceiling. Over time, the miniature radar dish at the front of the gun starts shining when I hold it upward in a certain position that apparently reflects the moon’s light. I do not actually see the moon at any point.

I perform this act a number of times. It seems to make my dream more vivid each time. I go to a different area that has a smaller opening, hold my gun upward, and move it about until I see the moon shine on the miniature radar dish in a circular fullness and then I pull the trigger. The beam of light that emerges is about an inch in diameter.

There eventually seems to be a vague backstory, based on an emergent false memory, relating to a recent alien invasion, though there is no hint of any impending threat. I aim the gun at another part of the ceiling in the realization that it will destroy the structure. I wake with the perception that I had accomplished the defeat of a supposed alien threat.

Explanatory supplement (Saturday, 3 February 2018): This dream occurs by way of liminal dream control, which means that my dream self is habitually acting out the dynamics of oneironautics (which represents the nature of the dream state, not waking life) without being actively aware that the environment and situation is of the dream state as with conscious-self-based lucidity. This is based on autosymbolic cues from subliminal threads of the conscious self identity. This should be obvious from how my dream self’s actions vivified the dream state even though my dream self’s motive from the outset was not clear. My dream self eventually focused on destroying the alien building. This was the liminal space barrier between my dream self identity and my conscious self identity, the opening in the ceiling being autosymbolism for my dream’s potential exit point back into viable consciousness. (It was somewhat small, which is moot, as the entire building was apparently gone at the waking point.) The miniature radar dish, glowing more over time and producing more energy and a wider beam of light, signified the increase in neural activity as the emergent consciousness implementation.

This invalidates the asinine belief that the conscious self experiences something that must be “interpreted” solely in conscious self terms, incorrectly assumed as “from the subconscious” (rather than correctly understood as RAS mediation between the transient dream self identity and the conscious self identity). It is the dream self that is the subconscious, which is coalesced by way of RAS (Reticular Activating System) into consciousness through the waking transition, which is what a dream is (which most people have no understanding of).

Additionally, Zsuzsanna’s dream showed threads of associations with my dream in the very common but inexplicable (by society’s beliefs) patterns. This is evidence that RAS mediation is transpersonal, and distance does not seem to matter (as this was occurring before I even met Zsuzsanna, and we had grown up on opposite sides of the world).

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Morning of January 27, 2018. Saturday.



The usual water induction begins, but I lose my main threads of lucidity (which is often deliberate, as I often prefer what non-lucid dreams can render as a learning experience, and additionally, lucidity often randomly returns later in the sleep cycle anyway), though my dream remains very vivid. I find myself at our present address after the usual forest lakes and river scenes.

The surfaces of the streets are replaced by water (lifelong recurring feature) but there is no association with flooding or seeing it as an unusual or “wrong” feature. It seems to be about nine o’clock at night.

Apparently, we had ordered pizza, though there only seems to be one pizza when the boat arrives and the deliverer, a young unfamiliar male, bends down to hand it to me. For some reason, there is no payment made.

The unknown young male has slight difficulty in backing up from the curb in front of our house. I cheerfully advise him, “Don’t bang into the sign.” (This is in reference to the “GIVE WAY” sign that, due to recent street widening, is fairly close to the middle of the street now, near the intersection.) He shows no emotion and continues to back out. There is a loud but very pleasant jingling sound, which has something to do with the movement of the boat, though this event does not really make much sense unless there is a large set of wind chimes somewhere on the boat. (It is almost as if the sound is coming from elsewhere regardless of the association.)

Later, with the implication of time passing or changing, it now seems to be afternoon. I see young males riding ATVs down the street (east) and performing tricks, and I feel somewhat annoyed by their antics. The surface of the street, at least closer to the curb, is now mainly mud.

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We have not had pizza from a takeout restaurant since we got very ill from severe food poisoning (our oldest son being hospitalized for about a week). Even so, we did not have pizza delivered here, as the places were just down the street.

The presence of water or water rising (which symbolizes sleep) is autosymbolism for entering the dream state, while water lowering over time, or being replaced by mud or some other feature (or no longer being present at all) is autosymbolism for leaving the dream state. This has been the case on a day-to-day basis since early childhood, for over fifty years.

The jingling association is based on chimes (which I often bump into) being near the bathroom door. The area near the curb was actually muddy in real life recently. They had put in a corner section with a ramp, but no other part of a sidewalk has been added in weeks.

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Morning of January 27, 2018. Saturday.

Dream #: 18,667-02. Reading time (optimized): 1 min.



Zsuzsanna and Marilyn are present. (My dream self does not recall Marilyn had died.) We are in the Loomis Street house in the open area between the living room and dining room. I face west towards the dining room. I begin to play a computer game that my youngest son had been playing. It resembles a pool table, but there seems to be only one corner pocket. Several creatures of different sizes sit on it. I need to deliver the ball into the pocket before an animal gets to it, making it harder to play. There is also a gun with which I can shoot the animal.

As I play, Marilyn informs me about going out to buy a meal, talking about a hamburger, asking if I want one. I nod lightly. Meanwhile, the game becomes real. That is, there is now a pool table in the room, replacing the computer workstation. My dream self does not register the change. I am near one corner. There is a cat atop the table, but I am aware it is a computer-generated tangible hologram. I reach over to pick up the light gray rubber ball and hold it over the pocket to drop it in. I am unsure if this is the way to play, as it seems too simple in contrast to its previous difficulty. A different cat and ball appear, and I perform the same act again. My sense of touch as I pick up, hold, and drop the rubber ball, is augmented.

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Morning of January 26, 2018. Friday.



I become aware of being in the living room of the Cubitis house. (No threads of my present conscious self identity are extant at this time.)

My father is alive and as he was in the 1960s. I have no recall of his death in 1979. He is standing near the north end of the living room. I am sitting closer to the kitchenette.

A television is on for a short time. It shows a group of teenagers yelling and going into a school building. “I never really liked school,” I tell my father, “I would have rather gone to a labor camp, chopping wood or laying bricks.” My father seems passive but expresses mild interest in what I am saying. Eventually, I decide that this is not entirely true, as I did not mind elementary school so much. (This is mainly a result of the typical failure of viable memories in the dream state. I did not really dislike school as much as my fictional dream self implies here. It seems to be a reference to when I actually did chop wood, use a fence pole digger, and help build a fence instead of going to middle school for a short time, when the “outdoor classroom” was first being designed and built in Florida.)

Eventually, I get the impression that I can influence the movement of the curtain on the east window, closest to the kitchenette. Although I am not lucid, I start to notice that the curtain responds directly to what I say aloud (similar to how a real-time scripted dream works, and yet, again, there is no lucidity at any point). My father goes to the southwest bedroom as I remain in the living room. After I am sure I am controlling the curtain, I call to him to show him what I can do, but I do not see him. The situation is interesting but somewhat eerie. “Up to the ceiling,” I say, and the curtain obeys, swaying and moving to become flat against the ceiling. “Twist around,” I say, and the curtain twists itself around. “To the right,” I say, and the curtain slowly moves toward the kitchenette. I do this about twenty times, with at least five different instructions, and they always work.

I become distracted by a noise in the backyard. Looking out, I notice a tidal wave, all along the eastern horizon, approaching from a distance. It seems to be nighttime, but I can see the whiteness of the high foamy wave.

“Tidal wave, there is a tidal wave coming,” I yell. I do not see my father come out, but I am trying to warn him. Soon, the tidal wave hits the house. I can feel the house shake. I see and feel water coming in through the east windows. It flows quickly throughout the living room and my bedroom, and yet there is no direct impact of water on my body, only some cool refreshing splashes. Still, I yell, seeing that several high stacks of paper with documented dreams, under my bed, are apparently soaked, and I slowly recall Zsuzsanna’s dream journals as well. There is wetness, but no indication of flooding over the floor at this point.

I yell in annoyance just as I hear Zsuzsanna and our children on the carport. I get the impression that they had just returned from shopping or the library. Zsuzsanna calls out to me, wondering what is going on. There is no indication that the tidal wave had affected their approach to the house, or that they had even seen it (which of course is ludicrous if one wants to force logic on dreams where none exists).

She and our children walk through the front door. “Everything is wet,” I say loudly. “Not everything?” Zsuzsanna asks hopefully. “Everything,” I confirm. I wake at this point, with Zsuzsanna standing near our bed in reality and our youngest daughter nearby. I am somewhat confused as to whether our oldest daughter is in the area since she had been in my dream, though I do not see her.

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This dream is partly a beautiful connection to a fully lucid childhood dream, “The Staged Bull” from 1971 (as well as several other dreams). Both dreams use curtains as the division between the dream self and the conscious self and the perceived danger of RAS (as the waking alert factor), familiar autosymbolism for the waking transition. In this dream, my subliminal focus on reinduction brings a tidal wave (also a circadian rhythms factor) rather than the usual passive connection to water rising at the beginning of most sleeps. (This is also an association with the indoor rain we had in real life after our roof was torn off, though in reality, our dream journals did not get wet.) The typical doorway waking symbolism is utilized by RAS here, with no recall that Zsuzsanna had never been to America, let alone Cubitis (and as I have written before, I believe this is to prevent dream memories from being mistaken as having real-life meaning other than when prescient). My father wanders off to a bedroom (dream state indicator) and my control of the curtains seems like an amazing breakthrough in adding one more thread of dream knowledge in validating the autosymbolic meaning they entail. (Both autosymbolism for liminal space division and an association with control of the dream state as an implied stage, which also has curtains, yet also has the association with stage of sleep.) In previous dreams, I had chosen to “freeze” tidal waves and nuclear explosions in order to sustain the dream state and make it last for ten to fifteen additional minutes.

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Morning of November 2, 2016. Wednesday.



I am in the semidarkness of an unknown bedroom but I am able to see clearly in my immediate area. I have my dream journal open in front of me as I am lying on my stomach on the floor. I perceive that I am only about twelve years old. My single bed is next to me to my left, closer to the doorway than another single bed and closer to the center of the room, though my head is presently nearest the foot of my bed and my feet are closest to the doorway. My father’s bed is closer to the corner of the room, his head near the wall where the doorway is. He is lying on his back with his head opposite mine. Our beds are about two feet apart. My father (April 26, 1901-February 14, 1979) begins to cough. His coughing intensifies after a short time.

I sense something is wrong as an unknown male (about twenty-five) comes into the room and helps my father get out of bed as he is coughing, apparently to get him ready for an ambulance. As he coughs when walking past me to my right, a large drop of blood suddenly flies from his mouth and lands on the lower right of the right page of my open dream journal. A smaller drop hits the back of my right hand near my fingers. I have concern for my father and a lesser concern about the page’s status, though I get the impression that the blood spot might eventually fade. I remain where I am, slightly puzzled. I start to think of how my father is old and his organs are not functioning like they used to. I wake shortly after he had left the room with the unknown male. I vaguely sense my mother is present but I do not see her.

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Inexplicable threads: Zsuzsanna had seen an event in a movie related to someone dreaming about blood coming from their mouth prior to my sleep. (I had not known of this prior to my dream.) Additionally, I developed a bad cough shortly after this dream, the worse cough I have had in my life so far (though there was no blood, only mucus). As a result, I consider this dream as both prescient and influenced by Zsuzsanna’s thoughts, with three layers of synchronicity (as I had also recently reflected on a dream from March 1975 relating to watermelon as blood and flesh and coming out between pages of my dream journal).

Biological prescience relating to my health validates that my father represented me in this dream. It is additionally validated by the doorway waking symbolism, as I am usually the one to exit a dream as my emergent consciousness.

RAS mediation was atypical. Instead of the personified preconscious directing attention at my dream self, he escorted my father from my dream (additionally validating that my father represented my conscious self identity in a prescient sense, even though I was completely unaware of my current real life in my dream).

This dream’s waking symbolism is oriented to my dream self’s right as it most often is. (This may be the result of sleeping on my left side.)

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Morning of May 27, 1995. Saturday.



I find myself in the backyard of the Cubitis property in late morning. I vaguely recall a childhood dream (same setting and time) where a flying saucer hovered above me, casting a large round shadow over an area of the backyard and upon me. I am not viably lucid (that is, I remain unaware that I am dreaming), but there is faux lucidity where I illogically make the connections as relevant to presumed reality. I find the situation more interesting than threatening.

Zsuzsanna is present in the living room, looking through the east windows. I tell her of how this has happened before, and that the last time, I ran south, somehow vertically running straight down the side of a ravine, then running horizontally on the ground and across the surface of the river, and running vertically straight up the other side to continue running normally.

As I decide to attempt this again (even after over twenty-five years), I look back as I start to cheerfully run and see it is not a flying saucer but a hot air balloon. This puzzles me and instead of running straight down the side of the deep ravine as I near it, I awake with a slight falling sensation and with a mild hypnopompic kick. I am close to laughing aloud shortly after waking.

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Liminal space fallacy: This is a specific type of faux lucidity, where I attempt to duplicate an event from an older dream without realizing I am dreaming, yet I also perceive my situation as only my dream self could in a dream. Even so, this faux reasoning is something that could not occur in consciousness, and additionally, cannot even be logically perceived or resolved as even being possible, yet it is, as I am very familiar with its dynamics. For me, this proves that dreams are of an entirely different nature, purpose, and meaning than what most people claim.

Faux threads: Cubitis has not been my home since June 1978. Zsuzsanna has never been to America. The shadow was cast in the wrong direction (oriented southerly instead of westerly). There were no deeper ravines near where I lived. It is not possible to run vertically down or up the side of a ravine or run over the surface of a river.

Literal threads: Zsuzsanna’s presence, genuine recall of a childhood dream from 1969.

Current thread: Zsuzsanna’s presence only (that is, no viable recall of any other current life status, including our present address).

Vestibular system thread: The hot air balloon, in addition to being associated with breathing while sleeping, was biologically premonitory of the hypnopompic kick. (Falling in a dream is usually the result of natural vestibular system ambiguity by inherently not being able to balance the imaginary dream body in unconsciousness. As such, it is unrelated to the popular myth of “interpretation”.)

Emergent consciousness thread: The hot air balloon’s shadow signifies the looming essence of the conscious self and the inevitability of waking. This implies a different form of RAS mediation than when the preconscious is dominantly personified to rouse the emergent consciousness thread.

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Morning of January 21, 2018. Sunday.



This type of aquarium-based dream was more common when I was a teenager. (An aquarium typically represents the nature of the dream state itself as relative to the dream self’s faux mind and its transition back into consciousness.)

My dream begins in the southwest bedroom of the Cubitis house. I am sitting on the bed (which is aligned east to west near the south windows) and facing the doorway. Also on the bed is a large but shallow rectangular aquarium. A smaller end is closest to the doorway. I had been watching the water getting higher until it is about half the depth of the aquarium.

There are a number of unusual small creatures in the aquarium, the largest being a multicolored flatworm of about four inches long, which I view as intriguing.

Marilyn (an older half-sister on my mother’s side) eventually comes into the room. I tell her about the flatworm as she looks at it.

There are some very unlikely living creatures as well, including oversized diatoms, one which looks like a tiny rocking chair (of less than an inch high) with a cape attached to the back. The cape has a floral pattern. Another is a heraldic shield (escutcheon) with wings, also less than an inch high. The “rocking chair” swims with its “cape”, the “shield” with its “wings”.

Eventually, there are a couple larger creatures, though I soon notice the water lowering. I also somehow pour out some of the water and suddenly, all the creatures simultaneously turn into small transparent ovals, as if the sudden lack of water caused them to cease to exist in their normal form as well as all die at the same time. This surprises me.

Later, I have my aquarium outside in an unknown location. It is implied to be our backyard, though the house does not look familiar. There are no fences, though there is a sequence of several backyards in front of me and behind me. There is a dense forest off to my left. Zsuzsanna is present. A few other people are also around, but I am not focused on who they might be. Two small creatures (“rocking chair” and “shield”) are similar to how they originally appeared, as I had put more water into my aquarium again, which caused some of them to come back to life, more in the manner of a fast-growing seed. There are also now a couple of miniature mammals. One is a tiny bear (not a bear cub but a miniature adult bear). I am somewhat wary about it eventually growing much bigger. I recall that Zsuzsanna and I had recently watched a movie about a black bear posing a threat to a suburban neighborhood.

I pick up the miniature bear, taking it out of my aquarium and placing it on the ground to my left, thinking that it may run off into the forest, which is what I would like it to do. It is now about the size of a cat. Instead, it runs off to my right, closer to the back of our house, which Zsuzsanna and I are somewhat concerned about (though there is no implied threat).

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Current conscious self threads with literal context: My dream self (personified subconscious) recalls that I am married to Zsuzsanna and that we have children, but I have no recall of where we live in reality (my most common dream state memory anomaly). My dream renders a fictional setting (though ambiguously combined with a real setting from my youth) that my dream self accepts as legitimate (a main factor of the dream state). The flatworm was influenced by our youngest son’s toy sticky slug that he had shown me a day ago, though it differs from my dream in that the toy is solely gray. Although the miniature bear in my dream’s final scene is of a literal thread of recent memory (in addition to the childhood association described below), relating to a movie Zsuzsanna and I had watched the night before, my memory is incorrect in that the movie, “Unnatural” (2016), featured a huge polar bear (with altered DNA) in Alaska and only as a threat to a few people in one lodge in an isolated region, not a black bear in a forest’s warm climate near a residential neighborhood as my dream self incorrectly recalled. (However, we had also seen a movie a couple days ago with a scene of a grizzly bear attacking a man, though this was also in a cold region; “The Revenant” from 2015.)

Older conscious self threads with literal context: The miniature bear (before growing somewhat) was originally of an identical size as a mother bear in a model kit, “Black Bear and Cubs”, that my older sister Carol sent me for Christmas in 1972 (though one of many kits she sent me in the same package) while I was living in Cubitis. Marilyn seemed as she did in the 1970s. My attempting to recall whether or not she was still alive (she died on February 13, 2014), even though she was perceived as alive and in the room with me, is a type of memory ambiguity common to the dream state though of which could not occur in wakeful consciousness and is proof that I am aware, though on a subliminal level, that I am dreaming. (Liminal dream control is far more common for me than what is claimed by society as non-lucidity.)

Literal induction thread: The bed at the beginning is both an induction factor and a dream state indicator. It is a subliminal thread of memory recognizing that I had gone to sleep (unrelated to the myth of “interpretation”).

Metaphorical induction thread: The literal bed dream state indicator, as an induction factor, is combined with my most common metaphorical dream state induction symbolism, water rising. Water and water rising symbolizes sleep and entering deeper into the dream state.

There is very slight vestibular system symbolism here. This would be the two smaller creatures, where one has a cape and the other, wings. Additionally, it reflects the nature of RAS mediation, the shield as a factor of “shielding” myself from RAS and the other, in contrast (the rocking chair), just being passive while “watching” my dream. A rocking chair also has a link to vestibular system symbolism, as it rocks back and forth. Additionally, a cape is a dream state indicator as it typically relates to an association with bed sheets.

Although the common water lowering waking symbolism occurs, I (subliminally) reinduce my dream for a short time, though which soon triggers a RAS mediation factor (the bear) in the final scene. However, the bear does not grow very large or become a threat, and I do not run from it. It moves from my left to my right (common waking orientation symbolism), going towards our backyard, symbolizing my inevitable return to consciousness.

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