lunagoddess

After not having a lucid in months, I got one on the first night of the competition! Woohoo! It seemed to be a combination between a DILD and a WILD so I'm not sure how to technically classify it, but here it is! As I was falling asleep initially I alternated using the mantra "Remember, I'm dreaming" with moments of quiet awareness. If I started getting any images I would briefly visualize myself recognizing them as a dream and say my mantra. During my wbtb I repeated the mantra continuously and tried to see it in my mind's eye.

+I started having a dream about walking down a dangerous icy highway in the snow and dogs kept running in the road, I yelled at them to get out of the way because I didn’t have a brake. Two men commented to me about it. I had to hike up an icy ski mountain where a semi truck was driving the wrong way in my lane and found myself in a dungeon where creepy oracles had women shackled up and fucked. Then I noticed a mirror on the wall and remembered I was trying to WILD. I used the mirror as my anchor and willed myself deeper into the dream but with the intention of a different location. I became lucid in my bedroom. Like usual, everything felt weird at first, my body was vibrating and I felt a little disconnected - like I was a computer program with a lot of static. I jumped for joy and spun around to stabilize, everything lagged a little bit. I immediately thought of my 3 step challenge so I grabbed my phone from the living room. There was a black cat sitting on my back deck and it ran away when it saw me. I said, “Ok, when I turn the brightness up on my phone, it will get brighter outside.” It didn’t work so I turned the brightness down and up again. Then I turned it down another time and it became sunnier outside. Woohoo! I stabilized myself again by feeling the island of my kitchen. I needed to find a dream character so I try to leave my house by flying through the closed door. I end up somersaulting in the air, hitting it softly with my back, and slowly sliding down. So I decide to just open it and I see a white van pulling onto the property. A party chef van? I start doubting that I should go outside and talk to some random stranger at 3 in the morning. With my front door cracked so I could keep tabs, I started browsing the internet. Then I remind myself that I'm only dreaming and confirm it by noticing that my neighbor’s house is now a blue and white camper trailer. They’re having a party so I go outside and it’s a bunch of people I’ve never seen. I pick one random, average looking guy in a light blue and white polo with brown hair. He has a plate of food and is heading toward a picnic table. “Excuse me, can I ask you a question for some advice?” “Sure.” I open my mouth to speak and he says, “Oh, this is a question that I may not have the answer to!” And chuckled. A blonde woman walked by and said, “Yeah, the answer could be pig!” I proceeded, “What do I need to know in my life right now?” He didn’t contemplate long before answering, “That you are 100% tall, curvy, and very sexy.” Then he walked off. Wtf?

(Titled so because all of the pets I dreamt of are dead in real life, the dolphins looked like zombies, and the snake was literally a zombie)

+Sadie keeps trying to curl up next to me on the bed and I encourage her. I am dating T.H from high school. His druggie dad just got out of prison and is coming to visit all his children and their mothers. There are countless women and children. T is excited to see his brother. They keep sending me all these pictures and group texts with inside jokes that I don’t understand. They all send pictures of the tops of their heads and joke about how short they are. They also joke about being gay brothers. His dad drives in in a semi-truck that says “no hard drugs” written on the side. He’s happily greeted by a chubby, middle aged woman who curled her highlighted hair. I go inside and stress about food. I bought so many vegetables but my mom doesn’t know the hours she’s working this week. I don’t want the food to go bad. I decide I’m going to make stirfry for T and his brother. I’ll add green onions to it. I feel happy cooking for them. I start sweeping and the storage room is absolutely dirty. How did it get so dirty? There’s enough hair to make a wig. And then I see a dead snake. T’s dad has an obsession with snakes. It’s dead so I sweep it up. I sweep some of the dirt out of the front door. I’m naked and think nobody’s outside but still try and hide behind the wall. As I close the door I see a lot of people outside and wonder if they saw me naked. Oh well, despite feeling embarrassed I’ll just own it. If they ask, I’ll tell them the truth, that I like being naked. Michael is giving me a hard time as I’m trying to sweep up the extra room. I grab a swiffer pad to collect the snake and dirt but my mom tells me not to pick it up. I tell her that I can’t just leave it there. I go to grab it and feel something sharp on my finger. I look at the snake’s mouth is now stuck in an open position and it has a lot of little sharp teeth. Then it slowly starts to move. I freak out and leave the room, I tell mom and Alesia and they’re not even that concerned. It leaves the extra room and makes its way to the office, it even does somersaults. I delegate to my sister to call 911 and to my mom to call animal control while I keep an eye on the snake so we don’t lose it. But my mom refuses because she doesn’t feel like it. So I grab the phone but have a hard time finding animal control’s number. 911 tells my sister she has to call animal control for help. Heidi dog gets around the snake while it’s coiled behind the office door. They both get defensive and Heidi swats at it. That agitates the snake which starts posturing at my mom, right next to Heidi. I can see it’s going to strike so I move to swat it away from her. As I do that, it latches onto my left pointer finger. I can feel it inject its venom multiple times. I feel the pain and pressure symmetrically in my opposite pointer finger. I start to feel pressure in my head and manage to squeak out “Help me” before I pass out and wake up for real. I felt weak upon awakening.

+At some hospital, hotel thing. It’s night and I’m trying to help workers find a submarine outside but I can’t access the back of the building. While trying I end up in nicely renovated bathrooms that are cherry wood and completely private. People shower there after working out. I leave and follow A.B. to the counter to return my towel. Why isn’t my hair wet like hers? Probably because I only washed my body, not my hair. There are a bunch of groups of sorority girls and there’s drama with one of them. I think she’s on drugs and she gets excommunicated for having a messier room than the rest. But in reality, all of them have messy rooms. I go into a black girl’s room and she has a stack of cute bras on her dresser. Cute bras are hot, I need some. Outside there’s a type of dolphin farm. They’re all jumping out of the water. Some look extremely mutated. People fish for these dolphins and then collect the spearfish they’ve eaten from their stomachs. I wonder how there’s even any wild dolphins left with the large amount that I see at this farm thing. It’s sad.

Supplements: Usual
Bedtime: 9:00
Mantras: None
ADA rating: 2
Moon Cycle: Waxing crescent 37%
Nightly Awakenings: Multiple bathroom
WBTB: None
HH: Vibrations and ringing while falling asleep in middle of night
Wake Time: 6:00
Total hours of sleep: 9

At college. Take a new sexy dance class but it ends up being a spelling class. I want to leave but don’t want to seem like I’m better than everyone else. The teacher calls on me and asks if ‘thrill’ is spelled correctly on the paper. It’s spelled “thrilk”. I tell her there shouldn’t be a k and before I can finish she says there also needs to be another L and I agree. The class takes a break and she cleans the tables. I ask if she would mind if I left. I can’t hear what she’s saying so I just leave. One girl is talking about a certain type of meditative yoga and I indulge her by mimicking what she says as though she’s teaching. She likes it and I think that class would be fun.

In the shower and the drain isn’t working. I’m in there with D and another girl. The water is to my calves and it looks like somebody peed in it. I can’t believe someone would do that. I start shaving my legs and have to finish in the living room. For the first time ever I’m really scared to shave my legs. They feel fragile and I have huge, bulging veins. I notice the area I’m standing is really dirty and I yell out, “Someone needs to clean this floor, it’s a fucking mess!” but I can’t use my voice.

At gmas looking for something to eat. There’s milk leaning next to a box in the fridge. They keep their cereal in the fridge and one is called “Sea Organized Oatmeal”. They have name brand cereal all over the kitchen. I poke my head outside and there’s someone barbecuing. There are fresh fruits on veggies on the side railing of the stairs but I’ve never seen that kind before. I go inside and try to get water from a sink at the base of the stairs. I assume it’s an automatic faucet but the knobs are to the left hand side. Gpa tries to sneak up on me and scare me but it doesn’t work. I go and hang out with Rachel on the couch. They’re missing a couch, though.

I start feeling vibrations and hearing people on the radio from the 40’s. I see myself lying in a bed from that time period with kids, reading a book and listening to this broadcast. I am thinking about past lives and wondering if I will reincarnate in the future (after the 40’s) and wondering if I will remember my last life if I do. The vibrations keep bringing me back and they feel really intense and uncomfortable. I try the method of rolling to my side and they subside and it feels like my whole body is on the ground by my current bed, except for my feet. I try opening my eyes and now I’m flying in a city. I think, ‘this is what I want to be doing.’ then I hit my head on a pole and wake up.

Supplements: NA. Ate toast, sunbutter, choc chips
Bedtime: 10:00
Mantras: NA
ADA rating: 1
Moon Cycle: 5% waxing
Menstrual Cycle: 26
Nightly Awakenings: 0600-0630
WBTB: NA
HH: Vibrations in morning
Dream Type: RD, LD/OBE
Wake Time: 7:50
Total hours of sleep: 8-8.5

I'm trying out a new format for my dream journal. I noticed I was having more lucids when I consistently kept better track of awareness and real life details.

I like a picture on fb by J.D. about having bought a house in Alaska. I think that’s so cool. I end up somehow visiting R.D. there and finding her in the bathroom. I tell her about how great it is and ask if she likes it. She says she liked New York better and Alaska has increased her BP. I tell her, “Isn’t that funny that cities lower your BP and the country increases it?” She agrees. They’re living with J.D's family. I hear an older man’s voice explaining the nature of true, genuine, love very eloquently and poetically. It’s in relation to my soul’s visit to R.D. I can only remember the general message: 'Hopefully by now they’ve realized that love is something that can be dismantled to overcome perceived obstacles and illusory barriers. True love can only present itself as the genuine and undying wish to help a person grow, which can only be done if one can look beyond the illusions and masks and stare deeply into their eyes and their soul.' I became aware that it was a dream voice. Though I was partially awake, the voice kept going. I was in awe that my mind could articulate this message so beautifully and naturally without any hesitation. It flowed so perfectly. D stirred and I immediately got up to write it down, trying to retain all the words I could. I had my hair wrapped in a towel and it was buzzing. I’m surprised my towel stayed on all night. I kept hearing music and kept trying to turn it off. I grabbed my writing dream journal and flipped to the last pages that were creased and were from my last vacation. A.W. had written under a few dreams, “Chloe, GLA somewhere else! We don't want you here!” Referring to a dream character. What’s GLA? She wrote more but I didn’t read it because I had read it before and knew what it said. I wanted to get to writing my dreams before I forgot the message. I checked my phone and had 16 new messages. Then I woke up for real.

Going on vacation. Lani from Wilcox is there and I see she has NZ dollars. She’s staying on a different island than we did and said we need to stay away from each other if we’re both going to visit or else we might keep running into each other. I laughed. On the plane a little girl demands a hot dog. I take her to see her dad, the co-pilot. It requires me to move from first class perpendicular to coach. I have to crawl and she has to watch her head. I had forgotten how cramped coach is, it makes me claustrophobic. She visits her dad who is sitting in the front row and he refuses to buy her a hot dog. When we land the mother and sisters are furious. They want to punish him. They ride on jet ski’s to get people to form a line. At a harbor you can see huge sharks in a huge tank. They’re used to power the cruise ship. Some workers get in the water and I wonder if they’re afraid of the sharks. I get on the cruise ship and it starts going, crashing on really high waves. I think it’s fun. On the lifeboats some workers are hanging out. Some are gay and cuddling. I get selected to be a dancer for the ship’s show. I’m not sure what my role is so I wing it. I’m suspended out to the side of the boat and try not to touch the water so I don’t get attacked by sharks. A professional dancer is there, too, so I try to follow her moves. I can follow a little bit, but still get lost. On downtime she tries to teach me. I see fast forward from third person, my extensive multi-year training. My training sometimes stalls the cruise ship departures.

I check on my cilantro and it’s ready to be cut, but the stems are buried by dirt and I can’t get to them.

Supplements: 1000 Vit.C, 3 collagen, 3 L. Tryptophan, 1 iodine, 100 niacin, 1 DIM
Mantras: NA
ADA rating: 1
Nightly Awakenings: X1 - barely remember it
WBTB: NA
HH: Buzzing before awakening. Loud cling sound while falling asleep
Dream Type: RD - partially aware
Total hours of sleep: 7:45

Driving around a city for some important reason. I was involved but I was also watching what was happening like a show and reading about it in a book simultaneously. Something about a staged riot where a blonde couple I knew were pretending to be religious and they thought it was unfair to be presenting a lie of perfection to everyone else. Something involving older men in a gypsy tent with young girls bellydancing, I’m one of the girls. The next day I drive to the grocery store. I’m only visiting this town. It’s busy and I find a close parking spot but have to walk a long way. I go in and see some plastic jewels to put around the eyes. An older man buys them and his friends laugh at him a little, he has zero shame. I want to buy some but am embarrassed with all the men nearby. I can get them at the store in my hometown but I might forget. I see small boxes of cereal and the brands I ate growing up were now labeled, “legal or not?” I thought it was bizarre. I see some people I know. I check out with only a few items because I told someone, “as I was shopping I realized I had most of the items I was looking for.” It takes forever to check out. When I get to the checker he’s gay and pudgy. He directs me to the card machine and I start to sign my name but accidentally cancel my order and have to start over. He does the rest for me.

Sitting in a grassy lawn with a group of girls. We’re curious what’s going on in a small building covered with vines. We know the boys are in there. It’s a group of celibate, religious boys. An overweight, tall, middle aged woman comes up to us and encourages us to go inside because the men are looking for wives. I say, “well I’m married so I’m not sure that would be appropriate.’ But I go in with the other girls anyway. It looks like my aunt’s old house. One of the guys there we’re familiar with. He’s young with shaggy brown hair and it looks like he’s plucked his eyebrows excessively so they’re a little farther apart than they should be. I sit down and talk with him and he talks a lot. He talks about finding a wife. He says "one can’t be picky unless they want to wake up crying and alone every morning." He talks about his celibacy and there’s a picture of him hanging on the wall. I contemplate that perhaps I would have married him if I was single. He’s not bad, but I seem to have higher standards than him. And could he handle my moods? He continues talking about how the men are supposed to “judge" each other by eavesdropping on their arguments. He gets really angry when they close the door and argue in private. Secretly I can’t help but wonder if these celibate men are having gay sex with each other. An older blonde man like Steve Avery pokes his head through the window to the inside and gets one of the older brunette girls to climb out. I guess they had a secret date.
We’re out sitting on the lawn again in front of an old, abandoned mansion. After talking with that boy I’m contemplating my life and how it is now versus if I had taken the Christian route that I had intended as a child. As I imagine life as a devout Christian, all the colors in the dream start to become dull and almost gray. I have a premonition of a creepy orgy involving all the nearby celibate christians taking place in the mansion. All of them have demonized faces and are making eye contact with me. It made me really uncomfortable. The premonition faded and the colors were still dull. Yet I saw a red flower come back to life and regain vibrancy, but the wind blew it away. I desperately chased after it and caught it. I went into the mansion and talked with one of the older men. Once I got inside I knew it was the beginning of my premonition. I decided to leave and he wasn’t letting me out. I screamed for help and finally someone saw us, so the man let me go. Everyone had left the yard and the person who saw us told us we needed to hurry and run. The sky had turned dark gray. I wasn’t sure what was happening but we ran. When we got to the neighboring yard the grass was replaced with dark, brown water. We had to swim and it hurt my ears. Once we got to the house they let us in. The host was a very rich young lady from the 1800s.

Having dinner with my entire family, all sides. I’m eating lamb and made jalapeño butter to go with it. A guy says his meat is too tough. I offer him some of my lamb and he doesn’t want it. In the kitchen the cabinets remind me of my dad’s house. Except some are fucked up and won’t close or have cutouts in weird shapes to be able to close. I test alexia’s allergies afterward and they’re moderate-high. That means she’s allergic to the either the peanut butter or the shrimp.

Someone tells me that my dreams are weird and f*cked up and that must mean I’m f*cked up. I argue about that, suggesting that perhaps it means I’m even less f*cked up.

Competition Night 3 highlights

I'm getting myself chicken breasts during a sermon of some new prophet. I yell out a disagreement or a challenge and he comes to confront me. We start arguing and I ask him, "why don't you just ask god to give you $600-1,000 dollars or a new t.v." (it had something to do with what we were arguing about). "It doesn't work that way." He responded. I replied, "I didn't think so. Is your line even plugged in?" I tugged on a white cord that was for some reason a very important part of the prophesies. I looked and it was mostly out of the socket. He looks speechless and defeated. I said, "Look, I'm sorry we don't see eye to eye on religion.." I can't remember how I finished that sentence. Then I hear "Stand down visual reinforcements" and a bunch of security people came out of hiding and used pepper spray to take down other bottles of pepper spray, since I was no longer a threat. I went outside into a yard with a big tree in the center and I heard a male voiceover saying that it's a shame how unprotected America is from people like me. Then I see a short, overweight, young, ethnic disciple in his Sunday best blow out his knee.

Competition Night #2 Highlights

D and I started watching a scary movie because we thought it might be healthy to overcome fears. There was a man following all these women, including Vanessa. I was scared and could barely look because I knew the man had a creepy white mask on. Then he broke all of their necks. His mask was twisted so his mouth was int he eye hole. I wondered how he was seeing anything. He kept mumbling and whispering about necks and how much he hated them. Then he went into a house and I became immersed in the movie. I was a little girl that was home alone and I ran around the house trying to “break the necks’ of doors. Then I decided to grab a closet rod and I broke it in three so I could use it to defend myself. A climbed onto my bunkbed and into a trap closet I had, which would lead me outside. This wasn’t the first time this had happened, I was scared to go out because last time I got caught by the police and brought back home. Before I could get out I heard breathing and the masked man entered my room, pleased to have found me. He stared at me and I tried to whack him with my stick but it did nothing. I tried to bite his fingers and that also did nothing. So I begged him to just kill me and get it over with but he just laughed.

At the store and someone complains. It makes the cashier lady cry. The cashier is really passive but she has to write down the interaction and it shows on a screen I can see. She writes that she basically told the customer that she was the boss and he had to listen. I was going to take a picture and show D because I thought it was funny but I remembered I only had an old fashioned flip phone. Everyone started calling their S.O’s so I called mine even though we were in the same store. We had to be secretive about it. I felt very in love with him. I saw a certain man twice in two roles, I figured he was a filler like in movies.
Hailey called and there was a lot of silence on the phone. She was upset. She told me she talked to a psychic who told her that the toilet is a symbol for how she looks down on other women and it’s true. I told her some people do that to make themselves feel better. I’m walking through a building. I say goodbye in my head and hang up. I forget to say it out loud so she texts me “ok?” I go to text her back but never finish.
D and I stay at a hotel. Our room has only double beds. Every room has stickers of football mascots. I see the back of a dolphin one on someone’s door. We have a partial ocean view, but the weather is wild and we basically have a raging waterfall and river right outside our door. I go to the shower and my mom is there, she starts talking about Alesia while I’m trying to use a homemade product.

Al.W. drew a funny picture.

A male and female are captured and trying to escape. They take a chance because they’ve had enough. They slide down a hill and the guy complains because he gets rug burn from his shirt. The girl thinks he’s whiny. At the bottom the girl sees a detached train car that says “resources” when she goes in it blows up because it was a trap. That was sneaky of the enemy. A little dog runs toward the guy, it’s badly burnt but it survives.

I dreamed of being lucid and playing Mario with team members on DV. Someone posted in response to a criticism : “excuse us while we try to figure out our ass from our head.”

I tried to pee like a man but couldn’t, and it ended up getting everywhere.

In the woods and it’s very crowded. There are tents everywhere and lot of people. I see a big grizzly bear walking around and I’m really stressed out about it. I want to warn people but I’m not sure of the bear’s intentions and I don’t want to aggravate it. Why isn’t it hibernating anyway? I also see a moose and the moose comes toward me, it gets very close and it kinda makes me nervous because i’m not sure if it’s aggravated or not.

Danielle was complaining about a headache

FA/hypnagogic imagery. I was frustrated that I was tired but couldn't fall asleep and then woke up and realized I had been asleep

I’m leaving a store and on my way out I see one of those stuffed animal game grabby machines and it’s really large. All that’s in it are two black body suits with cutouts for the eyes and mouth. On one suit the holes are outlined in lime green, and the other is outlined in orange. There’s a man leaving the store behind me and I turn back as I’m walking and tell him, “those are really creepy.” And laugh. He kinda chuckles and I wonder what he thinks of me. That was bold on my part and not usually something I would do. I get outside and have to wait for a car to pass before I can walk to my car at the very end of the parking lot. There’s a woman sitting on the car that passed and someone runs up to her as the car is driving. Once at my car there is a starbucks across the way but they have updated their logo and it’s now a triangle. People have to mix up their own drinks now by shaking them. I drive away and swerve in and out of obstacles in the parking lot. I start speeding down a curved road where there is traffic and there are cars passing each other by swerving into my lane. I hope nobody hits me. My husband is stressed out by my driving. Out of nowhere tons of police cars fly past me and stop right in front of me. I stop and see them approach another car with guns out. They open the trunk and there are two girls in the trunk in body bags, but they’re alive and they were just having fun.

My husband and I are in the kitchen channeling Native American spirits that live in our house. My husband becomes a spirit animal of a bear and I become an eagle. We’re still in human form, but acting and feeling like those animals. A shaman appears and thanks us, telling us that the spirits won’t have to come back for at least 3 more years. So I give them 3 spoons. Afterwards on my bed I tell my husband that I had fun because I haven’t played fun, intuitive role games like that since I was a kid.

I’m at D&B’s and we’re getting dinner ready. All I have is leftover potatoes cut into squares and covered with sauce and mango or egg chunks. There’s not much so I try to divide it as evenly as possible. A.W. asks me to scoop up some grease and hand it to her with a slotted spatula. I try but all the grease falls out. She gets annoyed and says something snarky about my ability to do a simple task. I get really angry and vent to my husband about her ridiculous request and expectations.

In a class feeling closed off like in highschool. My friend Molly (brunette and to my right) tells me I’m dreaming and I need to trust her. I don’t believe her. I can’t be dreaming. She keeps insisting. I tell her I can’t be dreaming because I’m…here…doing something…I can’t really remember. But I’m not dreaming. Then I wake up and realize I was dreaming. -_-

My friend has a pet tiger/lion. It sleeps in her bed and everything. She saved it from being injured in the wild. I want to get a picture of myself with it because we’re living together. I’m kinda scared of it. I have a little dog that is jealous.

D and I are moving to another town 20 minutes away. I have to tell my family I’m not coming back. It feel like a big deal. I’m trying to get rid of some of my food. I have a costco bag of romaine that nobody wants. I open up a jar of herbs and flies and gnats come out at me. Gross. I set the jar aside to return to the store for my money back.

Ohio family playing bocce ball on apartment roofs. Jeremy’s new gf is prettier than his last ones but she still looks like a druggie. She is protective of her neighbor’s clunker car that they’re borrowing.

Mom is looking for a new house bc she’s pregnant. We look at one and it’s a standard 4 bedroom. We look at another and it’s an 8 bedroom. I want it. It’s a little outdated but it’s big, probably expensive. There’s a sink and countertop in the living room. And a cool room for my stepdad to sleep in when mom is up with the baby. In that area there are three rooms within one room. I plan to use the other rooms as my office and gym, but I'm not sure how my sister and I will share.

Graduated but still in nursing school. I have to take care of a guy on enhanced isolation. He’s a little annoyed but I plead with him and tell him I’m learning so much. A lot of people crowd into my room, even Mo. I tell him I tested his lat strength earlier by myself on a lat machine. Mo tells me they have to do that at home. I knew but forgot. People start talking story with each other and I can’t remember what I was supposed to do with him. I'm looking through a notebook full of dates and then remember I had a list in my pocket. I pull it out and it's incomplete anyways. Someone shouts “quiet!” and we get scolded for not doing our job and wasting our patient’s time. A baby says something moving about just wanting to love her mom so much it will make her cry (I think her mom is Jen P.) and it makes everyone “aw” and some people cry. Everyone leaves.

Going skiing with D but I’m nervous and we can’t agree on which skis to use. He thinks if we use cross country skis it will be too easy, but I’ve never used them so I don’t know.

Spoiler for NSFW:

In the midst of that stressful decision we have to decide what to do about a young man who presented to the hospital with testicular cancer evidenced by a scab. I can’t tell if he’s developmentally challenged or not. We get a sheet that lists our different options and the risks involved. Among our options are telling him he has cancer, skinning his balls, cutting them off, and a few others. I feel really torn, indecisive, and upset about this situation and decision. Initially I really think that skinning them is the best idea because there are more tallies marked next to that option, but later I realize that the tallies mean potential adverse effects. So more tallies means a higher risk involved. I try and get D’s opinion but he tells me I have to decide. Eventually I realize the obvious choice is to tell him he has cancer and let him decide on treatment options. Hindsight is 20/20. I don’t want to be the one to tell him, though.

Doing a ritual with some kind of Native American priest. I’m the priest. I’m on a mattress in a cave on the water, covered with special blankets. I have to dive down and allow myself to have whatever spiritual experience that comes to me. I worry about my ear, but trust the process. I go into the water with my mattress and have a heard time swimming down but eventually make some headway and feel the mattress float back up. In my minds eye I start to see an image of two swinging industrial doors with a light shining behind its windows. I allow myself to enter into that image like a dream. The location I find myself in is an old, creepy, abandoned hospital. I see a menacing looking man running around, chasing a girl. It’s a scary image but I’m not scared because I’m a Native American shaman and I’m only on the astral plane. I chase them in a similarly menacing and scary way. They lead me into a dark part of the hospital with no lights and I am still not scared. An idea dawns on me, and I after some struggle I am able to grab the man. I pick him up, hold him, and bring him towards the girl until their faces are very close. I tell them, “love each other”. They kiss and are reminded that they were romantically involved and have unfinished business together, which is why they got trapped in some sort of limbo. That action immediately transcends us to a different plane where it is night and a healing orgy is occurring. It is outside and there are people in hot tubs. A fight breaks out and a man is chased into a steel, green building and into a jail cell filled with water. He realized his captors are of a fish-type species. They are hoping to either kill him in this jail cell or imprison him like a fish in a fish tank. They laugh about it until they realize he has someway broken free. They chase him through the hallways all the way to an opening, where he jumps and they follow. The building was in space and now all of us are falling toward the earth. In the fall I wonder if the fish people are the inspiration behind the Ninja Turtles. The rate at which I’m falling is putting a lot of pressure on my abdomen and making it hard to breathe, I try to straighten out. I realize that I’m falling into London. I don’t know where the others are falling. Once the man and I land we go to rent a car which comes with a rented kitten. We choose the cat that’s already outside and is meowing at us. We could go into a room to search for a cat but it seems too sad. We get in our little white car and drive out of the parking lot, but on our way we see an Asian man talking into a walkie talkie, looking for foreigners. He sees us and immediately knows we’re the ones. I tell my partner about it and he seems unconcerned. I remind him that the Ninja Turtles are asian. They follow us and try to block us from leaving the parking lot. But the police get involved and we get cleared to leave while the Asians do not. Yet they follow us illegally anyways to a hotel. We get into a big elevator and I refuse to push the button of the floor we’re going to. They start posturing and getting really close to my partner. I step in between them and my partner pushes me out of the way, he seems to think it’s degrading that I would assume I could/need to protect him. The Asians start talking about a train ride they can take to get from China to California in 4 hours. I’m impressed. But how can they take a train between continents? My partner tell me they completed an intercontinental roadway between Europe and New York. How did I not know about that?

I had a lot of dreams last night. But most interestingly, I awoke within a black void that felt like a dream. Suddenly, with no memory of a prior dream, I became aware and could see nothing but black. I could hear the wind outside and my husband breathing but it sounded very loud as though it was inside my own head. I was confused about how that was happening. I was aware of my physical surroundings but the sensations were distinctly dream like. I tried to create my own dream and conjure up images but nothing was happening, I think because I was too fixated on trying to understand what was going on. Then I fell out of awareness.

I’m in New Zealand mountain biking by myself. I’m catching tons of air and biking on very narrow and uneven passages but I’m not scared at all. Something happens that keeps me for a long time and when I go to return the bikes it’s night time and the gates are closed. I don't know what I’m going to do. Then I realized that the blue gate is motion sensored, so i get in. The workers take my bike and I get ushered to the front of the line.

I’m playing a game with a group of people. We are listening to a recording and watching a screen of random images and we have to come up with a good catchphrase in under 1.5 minutes. My recorder isn’t working at first. I see an aerial view of the flight paths to and from New Zealand and think of saying something about a plane but I don’t know enough about them. There is an underwater mountain range to the north east of NZ and an island called New Delhi.. Then I see an image of a woman in the ocean and one her breasts is sticking out of the water. I decide on “Tits: Because everything in the ocean is naked anyway” and I think it is so hilarious. All of a sudden I’m in the ocean swimming with B&A. There’s a koi fish following me and I try to bop it away because it grosses me out. A looks scared and tells me to swim fast. I assume it’s a shark and know that I’m not fast enough to out-swim a shark. I swim toward the boat and am amazed how fast I am. Turns out it was a massive group of koi fish chasing us. I wake up within another dream and tell my husband about my hilarious catchphrase.

I see a series of small children doing a funny hobbit dance in hobbit style clothes. It is so cute. I find out that they belong to attractive, young, trendy lesbians. All of them adopted except for one girl who claims to be the only one with both of her mothers’ genes. I’m not sure how that’s possible. Perhaps a three way mixture of both eggs and the donor sperm. I’m in the dining room and one of the lesbians who looks a bit asian american is painting henna free-hand on the wall. She tells me I need to unleash the intense creative power within me.
I’m renting out a duplex with my older sister. There’s a couple that live next door, but our places are also connected from the inside. Sometimes we use their bathroom. Once the man knocked on our door, asking to hang out. My sister is uncomfortable but I feel like we owe him so I allow him in. I go to sleep at some point and wake up in the middle of the night with him next to me. He’s pinning me down. He tries to tickle me a little bit. I scream at him but can't make any sound. I weakly realize it's because I'm dreaming. I try to get away. I finally break free and he follows me. I get my sister and tell that we need to leave now. She’s paralyzed with fear so I carry her out to the side of the road that looks like my parent’s street. There are a lot of white cars and I don’t know which one is ours. I unlock one and he gets in the driver seat and drives away, thinking I’m in there with him. I unlock my mom’s van and we frantically get inside and peel out. We’re taking an alternate route to my mom’s work. When I get to her work I write what happened with a quill and ink on a belt and in a black and white fashion magazine. Then I go to work, which happens to be a high end fashion show. He’s there and part of the show. Everyone loves him and thinks he’s so sweet and innocent. It makes me sick. My husband is there. After the show he goes to work an Asian breakfast restaurant and ignores us when my husband gently confronts him. I go home. I turn on the light in my bedroom and he’s laying in my bed with sunglasses. This is the second time he’s done that. “I told you you have to stop doing that!” I yell at him. At this point I decide that my best strategy is manipulating him, since resisting hasn’t worked. I get in bed and ask him why he’s doing this. We have an argument about dolphin swimming and water depth. He tries to impress me by showing me the millions of “stickies” he has under the covers for his cell phone. We go together to a different room that looks like my mom’s room. We’re playing baseball with a bunch of older kids in there. He’s the coach. Everything is disorganized. I bide my time and then after a while, say I have to go to the bathroom. I grab my phone that I left the previous night and I go into my bedroom. I contemplate that it’s a lot like Becky’s old bedroom. I try and think of a solution to my predicament. I think of asking people on dream views how to get rid of a stalker. But I realize it would be a dream stalker, following me and assaulting me in all of my dreams.

I’m on a date with my previous step dad. We’re eating dinner on a balcony across from a hospital. It’s night so I can see inside some of the rooms with lights on. My previous step dad has a double who is working at the hospital. I see him in the room opening up chlorhexidine wipes. The one I’m on a date with asks what I do for a living. I point to his nursing double at the hospital but he refuses to look. I don’t like him and I’m totally over the date. I’m eating a snack bag of potato chips. A girl and her mom come over to my table (both overweight) and ask to have the chips. I tell them absolutely not! They then offer to pay for them. Once they get up to the $20 range I let them have it, it’s half eaten anyway and I start to feel like I’m cheating them. In the process, some other guy gets involved and I ditch my date for him. “Are you sure? I don’t have that much money.” He asks. “You have more money than him.” I say while rolling my eyes. We end up getting married and buying a house together. It’s a pretty old house on a farm. I feel like I’m settling a little bit but this is good for now. I like the surrounding open spaces with horses. He is excited about the view on the roof from the hot tub. We end up having 6 kids. 3 of them are now teenagers and 3 are toddlers. My husband gets into the wrong crowd and starts dealing drugs. From third person I watch a car and motorcycle chase he’s involved in. I shake my head in disappointment as he drives by the house and he looks surprised to see me. At this point it’s as though I’m in a movie and I know what’s going to happen next. I call a hitman on my husband who sits outside my house in a yellow minivan. I don’t know when he’s going to shoot so I’m trying to hide. I expect to hear gunshots but he must have used a silencer. When I come out to look, he’s shot all of my children except my teenage daughter who got away with an unwashed keepsake jacket from her brother. Each of my toddlers are sitting in their highchairs with bullets in the heads, surrounded by blood. I’m devastated but because this was like a movie I’d seen before, I expected it. The van was still there and they were watching me. I was hiding behind an ottoman and eventually they lost me so they started raiding the house. I ran out the front door with an overweight female friend. She was shot on the way out and dropped. I didn’t have time to save her. I ran faster than I ever have. I almost ran into a tree so I jumped off of it, which set me back a couple of feet. At this point the man was following me and gaining on me, yet he was walking calmly. I’m not sure why he didn’t just shoot me. He catches up to me and I jump on his back to attack him. He gives me a marker to write a specific derogatory term on his chin. I rebel by writing different derogatory things elsewhere and trying to choke him. He gets some kind of sexual pleasure out of it. I wonder if he’s someone from my past that I wasn’t nice to. Perhaps I bullied him in school. He takes me to a motel who shelters abusive evil people. Through the windows I can see men who have skinned their own faces, raping women. I know I will find no refuge here. I leap into some bushes across the street and stay still. My captor is pissed off and asks a female from the hotel to help find me. I suddenly feel him start touching and grabbing my body but he’s not sure if it’s me. “I think this could be a hoodie.” He said as he touched the hood on my jacket. The lady made them tea from an apartment right next to me and turned on the pool lights. They started swimming and I figured they were distracted enough for me to run for it. But I had nowhere to go but in the pool with them. I tried to push them underwater and drown them. They stopped following me but I still didn’t feel safe without knowing if he was dead or not. I called 911 but they didn’t help. I went to my aunt’s old house and ate purple flowers. They tasted very perfume-y. My sister and some of her friends were there and they were sharing recipes. I was just drawing in a notebook with wooden pages. I was supposed to do my hair in a specific way in three low buns and I insisted I knew how because I wanted to be left alone, but I didn’t know how and people had to come back and help me. They told me my bobby pins suck. I went back home, exhausted of running for my life. I thought I had to do it more but I remembered that the rest of the running was on Breaking Bad and not part of my personal story. Although now I do have all those precious plastic beads I have to hide. Everyone knows that drug dealers (like my deceased husband) are great at making jewelry and their enemies want to steal the plastic beads. I went upstairs and grabbed some boxes of beads trying to decide where I could put them. There was a whole room full of them. I took them to a window overlooking a football field hosting a game and threw some out of the window. I was worried it would hurt the players. I didn’t want to be involved anymore so I went to the party room. It was nicer than I remembered. The floor was a nice hardwood but it was messy. I went in there and relaxed with the college kids who were playing drinking games during daylight.

I’m in the ICU helping out. D is there with a patient and I put an IV in her. I get it the first time and I’m impressed. I talk to D about her care. She’s pretty stable. As I start the IV I make sure I have control of the flow. I tell her it might hurt at first when the fluid goes in. She cringes in pain but it passes. I explain to her that she’s getting regular fluid because she’s dehydrated, not any medication. She had no idea and she’s very thankful I’m being open with her. She tells me she is so impressed with me and the way I handled the doctor (She doesn’t know D is my husband and not a doctor). There’s a fire alarm and we have to evacuate. I notice I never locked her bed and it moves as she does. I lock it and then promptly unlock it to leave. I’m the only one in the elevator and have to ask a Filipino maintenance worker which floor I”m supposed to go to. I had pressed level 1 but he told me level 2. I forget to change it on the elevator and we end up going all the way to 1. I press 2 and we have to wait. It made for a very long elevator ride. I guess it’s just like a big city hospitals, I thought. The patient started slumping over in her bed and looking pale. I asked if she was ok and she responded sluggishly. I raised the head of her bed. This happened a couple of times. I took her to the cafeteria to get her something to eat. The patient is sitting in the middle of a booth. I ask the patient if she wants saltine cracker or graham cracker. She tells me graham cracker so I go to find some. I realize I’m suddenly pushing her in a wheel chair and realize I’m dreaming. I leave her in the hallway and go into a hotel room where a hot and horny porn guy is laying in bed. I jump in the bed and say, “Guess what? This is a dream!” He kinda chuckles. “I’ll prove it to you!” I pick up a pack of peppermint candies from the bed and tell him to guess what’s in the package. He doesn’t but I imagine they’re miniature spearmint gums. I open it and they are! I laugh. He starts making out with me and after a few seconds I get up because I don’t want to lose lucidity to a sex dream. I go over to the window and think about things I’ve wanted to do while lucid. Flying! I could just jump out of this window! He walks up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. I look down and realize we’re very, very high up. I start getting nervous. What if I”m not dreaming and I just jump out of the window and fall to my death? “This is a dream, right?” I look back at him and ask. He just chuckles...he's proving very unhelpful and dull. I try pinching my nose (which never works for me) and am confused by the ambiguous results. That must mean I'm dreaming. He finally suggests to start out small. Great idea! Suddenly I’m on the road and think of getting onto some awnings on the city street to jump off of. He doesn’t think that’s a great idea. Then I had another idea! I took a few steps to my right and found myself in the center of major high speed traffic. I started jumping and flying over cars as they passed. I saw a lot of Idaho license plates, but it makes sense because this is Vegas. After doing that a few times I start flying without stopping by using a swimming motion. My calve starts burning and I figure it is cramping in real life, so I try to relax and keep going. I look behind me and my lover has gotten on some kind of silver flying machine and flies away. I go into a more secluded area that is really green with lots of trees. Suddenly I’m walking down a stone path thinking about my step-dad’s family road tripping around the U.S. I think it’s because I assumed I was now in the midwest. I come across these large stone baths aligned in a courtyard. I get into one. I’m trying to think of what I want to do. I thought about practicing summoning someone from nothing. I stood up and faced a wall. “When I turn around there will be…” I can’t think of anything I want to summon. I decide to try and bring that guy back but I have no idea who he was. I thought I recognized him but I can’t think of why. So I decided to keep it vague and summoned a similar hot guy. I turned around and nobody was there. I decided to start making out with the imaginary guy to see if he would appear. He didn’t and I was just making out with the stone. I leave and find something else to do. I go out into the courtyard and see a calf with bright patterns. It looked like he was wearing a sweater but he wasn’t. How cute. Then I decide to find a door so that I could open the door and find myself somewhere new. In my search for a door I wander onto someone’s New Zealand property and start getting followed by an older lady. She is highly annoyed with my shenanigans. I find a beautiful clear stream that has bright purple and green patches of moss in the middle and on the sides. I jump from patch to patch and they are so soft and bouncy. “How beautiful!” I exclaim with a big smile on my face. I think about making small talk but don’t want to push her. Somehow I find myself watching a screen of different movie choices. They were old Disney ones with Hillary Duff. One started playing and was comprised of two women having sex with a man. One of them was an actress I recognized. They were contorted and the point of view kept changing so it was a bit confusing. But I could almost feel one of the woman’s impending orgasms. Then she climaxed and everything stopped. They started congratulating her and telling her she did a good job and I accidentally entered the movie. She had given birth and the baby shot into another room. I found the body of what was supposed to be a baby except it only had a torso and one arm. It also had a tattoo. It was six months overdue. It was odd so I continued to my mission. The room I was in looked like my grandma’s living room and I was holding a type of flexible, pink/orange conch shell that kinda looked like a vagina. I put something in the center and rubbed to try and change it’s shape but it didn’t work. I closed the sliding wood door and held the shell in my hands like it was magical. That gave me the idea to imagine myself on the set of Once Upon a Time. I didn’t visualize anything particular, just the idea. So when I opened the doors it was just my living room with a few women on the couch. “Oh well.” I said. They looked at me with wide eyes, confused. I stared back, threw my arms in the air and jumped up while shouting, “woohoo!” at my lucid victories. I smiled big and ran into my room, where I woke up.


What a great way to start a new month! I learned that I have to be very specific with my requests and intentions to make things happen in my lucid dreams.