Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

What I'm thankful for today:
- No seats left in train, got up and offered an older lady my seat. Only got a very soft thanks but idc, felt like a knight.
- My tests went well today.
- Clean for 5 full days now.
- Took a cold shower just now, that takes nerves of steel.

Woow Katie gj!! You have better than average stamina, keep going.

Im bed now on my phone, I'll reply to the rest later.

I tried to make cauliflower alfredo this evening, based on rave reviews I've read, but it was nasty. Sad day. (I'm a cooking newbie, so that probably accounts for most of its suckiness. Lol.)

EDIT: I managed to salvage it by chucking it into a saucepan and adding water, Better than Bouillon Vegetable Base, mushrooms, and a diced potato. Now it's sort of like golden mushroom soup and it's not bad. Thank goodness, I hate throwing food out.

Can't get this anger and hatred out of my head. Just constantly having those conversations in my head where I tell her everything she did to hurt me and how terrible of a person she is.

Ugh....

On the plus side, studying helps. But as soon as I stop.... straight back to it.
I guess I should meditate as well.

Rave: I got my mark for a test fixed. One of the questions was messed up, we had to name the steps for this procedure and instead of it being 1 2 3 4 5, the stupid system they have mixed the numbers up. Thankfully several other people also did the same thing, so the lecturer is manually changing the marks!
It's important too, because that question was worth a fair bit and lowered my grade significantly because every single step was incorrect according to that dumb program.

Tommo, next time you find yourself stuck in those thought patterns, do some EFT. The same was happening to me, for the last couple months I'd be stuck awake at night with angsty, resentful thoughts about the people that attacked me earlier this year, and one night I just thought to do some quick EFT and a wave of relief washed over me and cleaned out all the bitterness. I haven't given two shits about it since, the trauma has not resurfaced.

That feeling when you stand in line at the supermarket with one item and you look at the person in front of you who has an entire trolley full, and they quickly glance away. Is it seriously that hard to let someone else in front of you.

It's like people only care about saving time on the smallest level. "Oh it's almost red, Ill speed ahead" "That guys driving 98, Ill pass him so I can drive 100" "That guy only has one item, won't let him go first, that would take more than a minute"... Then they get home and spend 4 hours watching.

I'm genuinely surprised every time I see how impatient and selfish people can be, even when directly confronted with another human.

Originally Posted by Athylus

- No seats left in train, got up and offered an older lady my seat. Only got a very soft thanks but idc, felt like a knight.

Ha! I'm the same.


*Opens door for someone*

Them: Thanks.

Me:



Anyway, my rant is the stupid electrical timer I bought. I didn't realize until after buying it that you can't actually program a specific time for it to be on/off, but rather you can pick between two presets (technically three, but having an "always on" option is flat out retarded, as you could just plug your damn light/whatever into the outlet directly). I want my light to turn on the same time my alarm goes off, because waking up in darkness sucks.

I worked around the preset times by just changing the internal clock. And it worked... sort of. It turned on when it was supposed to, but then 5 minutes later it just turned off. Wtf?

There is this one girl...that's how all sad stories begin right?!

For the first time in a long long long time I feel interested in a girl and last night I had a dream about her.Being with her...

I have her number but she never really replies and often my messages go unanswered.I feel so unwanted and I hate this feeling

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Athylus. Keep hitting the books. You can make it!!

Thanks! I will get this stuff done I swear to God.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

If I talked about stopping LSD in a post, I must've meant it as in like for a few weeks haha. I actually did expect to do ibogaine first, but it took a little longer to set up than I thought. My friend actually does have it now though, I just have to go visit him and I can take it. The reason I took this LSD is because two of my very close friends are getting ready to move all the away across the country at the end of the month, one of whom is an old tripping buddy and the other of whom had never used any psychedelics besides DMT, and they're a couple. I was going to dose higher alone anyway until I heard that they wanted to trip too and couldn't pass it up. It was awesome.... Similar kind of feeling to the five hits but it came on more naturally, I just sort of slid into it. I was reaching a full visionary state too, though I was distracted by my friend who was new to LSD tripping insanely hard. When I did take a minute to observe the eyes closed display though I was getting this big purple and green pattern that I also get on DMT just as reality is about to shatter before my eyes. I think in another two or three weeks I'm going to take like 12-15 hits alone in the dark.

Ooh must've read it wrong! Anyway those drugs sound really cool, but I'm currently not ready yet to take any drugs for now. Maybe when I've been clean from weed for 3 months and it's summer holidays I will take some shrooms. We should space together lol

Originally Posted by sefalik

Ha! I'm the same.


*Opens door for someone*

Them: Thanks.

Me:

LOL Sefalik that made me laugh so hard, that feeling is awesome. And also you've given me some inspiration to draw so thanks! But schoolwork first now.

Dang ColdCrisis, know that feeling. I got rejected a lot, but it makes me stronger. Besides, dating is a numbers game. I've seen the ugliest motherfucker get a load of girlfriends because that guy simply approached ten women a day. He got good at this pick-up stuff and could nearly get everyone he wanted, so it's really a numbers game and a certain skill you have to develop I guess. One I certainly don't possess lol. Anyway if she doesn't answer simply don't send her a message anymore.

Grad. Was. AAWESOME

I will expland tomorrow. Drunk and tired katie is drunk and tired.

It is storming like crazy today. I love my company's Work from Home policy.

Crazy, the weather is beautiful today here in north Holland!

If you only knew just how much the sun needs you to help him light the skies...

Dreary/raining here, which is actually nice for sleeping. Speaking of... I need to be leaving for work in about 7.5 hours. And I need to get some sleep beforehand. I was only hoping to go in for 5-6-hour-shift and then get the fuck out, but looks like I'll be doing 10-11 hours. Again, that's a rant/rave. Sucks now, but I won't complain when I get the paycheck.

Rave is that I went to the record store (which is why I'm still awake; mini-rant: I wish the record store would open earlier). I like going to record stores. Everyone's super chill. Or maybe they're all stoned, I don't know/care. But someone commented on the band sweatshirt I was wearing, which was actually the first time despite me wearing this sweatshirt daily (when cold) for the last few years.

And I got a new light timer. So I'm going to set that up while I finish my beer and finish this album, then hopefully I'll pass out for a few hours. Then tomorrow night I have off, so... Minecraft. And probably beer.

Huh, I'm just feeling like shit today. I've this feeling of emptiness disagreement with everything that surrounds me. It's sick not even knowing what it is and how to explain it. If I just had the guts to do everything I want, to take a bus or a plane just in this moment and go anywhere else. I need to find something, to find myself. There's something missing within me, or something I've not found yet.

It's like I've to plan everything, plan my studies, my job, my city, plan my goddamn entire life. The case is that I don't know how to act without a plan.

Way to go Wishful and Athylus and lol about feeling like a knight. I feel that way at times too... like when I let people with just a couple of items cut ahead of me at the register
I've not had to do that for a long time now though. We now have self check out registers and I always use those now-a-days.

tommo, glad they got the test scores straightened out!!

to everyone in need.

Nothing's been happening in my neck of the woods. My dad is likely nothing to worry about. The doctors told him 'well, in 10 years you might start noticing problems' (regarding prostate cancer). What the heck? But they're still going to treat it. They did 16 biopsies and only 4 showed cancer. They'll be discussing surgery and/or radiation with him.

I still have a left over cough from the flu but it's not bad and the sputum is clear.
I even got a new e-gic so I'm smoking less again. My stomach's not bothering me too much yet but I've not worked up to my previous limit yet (I'm still smoking more). I have to go to the next town over though to buy my stuff. The local Smoker Friendly isn't carrying the cheaper e-cig units anymore.

Rants: Hubby informed me an hour ago that we have a 2 hour breakfast event to go to in the morning. The girls from his office (is it terrible I refer to them as girls- one is in her 60's lol; they're his secretary's and assistants) bought tickets for us so now he feels obligated to go. Blah. It's for Relay for Life which his "girls" have been heavily involved in for the last few months.

The other rant is that we leave at 1AM on Thursday for Early's Auction. Ugh. I can't believe it's already time to do that. And hubby's insistent that we're going to another auction in Kansas in a couple of months. Why did I marry a traveler lol
The funny thing is, though, he's a reluctant traveler. He makes himself go on these trips whereas I'm like "Why bother if you don't want to?" I guess it's that he hate to travel but he loves the antique glass and he needs to inspect it in person in order to purchase most responsibly... And while I hate to travel, I do love to drive unless we hit a big city. So I drive him to his auctions.

A rave is that my daughter got another job- along with 3 friends, so they'll be carpooling I don't have to be taxi service!! But my son, who applied before them, hasn't heard anything (they were hired on the spot without an interview and he had an informal interview when he went in in person last Wednesday). Being a sex offender has closed every single door it seems. The job is with telemarketers and they tend to hire everyone... which means he's going to have to move to the homeless shelter because they help people like him find employment.
Miley got health insurance finally (he signed up for Medicaid on line and they never even called to verify the info, they just mailed the card which I thought a bit odd)... so she's going to be able to get counseling for gender reassignment and then start Job Corp. seems like most things are finally starting to fall together.

Glad to hear things are getting better Zhaylin!

Originally Posted by Original Poster

Tommo, next time you find yourself stuck in those thought patterns, do some EFT. The same was happening to me, for the last couple months I'd be stuck awake at night with angsty, resentful thoughts about the people that attacked me earlier this year, and one night I just thought to do some quick EFT and a wave of relief washed over me and cleaned out all the bitterness. I haven't given two shits about it since, the trauma has not resurfaced.

What exactly is EFT? I've heard it mentioned along with NLP, but don't really know what it is.
Anything that could possibly help would be great right now.

I was feeling better, but she talked to me today, just asking if I could take someone to the station who she usually takes but couldn't today.
Now I'm just wondering what she had to rush off to, it's probably that guy her parents were trying to get her with, she got her eyebrows done a couple of nights ago, maybe I was being too judgemental with her, maybe I fucked things up by not being more accepting, but she didn't help, she was inconsiderate, she's a bitch, she talked about some other dickhead to me and never told me she doesn't love me anymore, maybe she does still love me and that's why she didn't tell me, maybe it's coz of her parents, but she should still tell me, she said she would be more honest, maybe I should be more considerate....

Never ending....

Originally Posted by dutchraptor

That feeling when you stand in line at the supermarket with one item and you look at the person in front of you who has an entire trolley full, and they quickly glance away. Is it seriously that hard to let someone else in front of you.

It's like people only care about saving time on the smallest level. "Oh it's almost red, Ill speed ahead" "That guys driving 98, Ill pass him so I can drive 100" "That guy only has one item, won't let him go first, that would take more than a minute"... Then they get home and spend 4 hours watching.

I'm genuinely surprised every time I see how impatient and selfish people can be, even when directly confronted with another human.

You and me both brother. Not sure if you have an ALDI there, but if you do, go there. Almost everyone will let you in front if you only have a couple of things.
Kinda restores your faith in humanity a bit.

Rant: Still too much schoolwork. Got so many damn things due. Just feel behind all the time, unable to comprehend how anybody is keeping up.
Some guy did the last chemistry lab in like an hour, whereas most people take around two and a half hours, and 3 is the max.
It truly baffles and worries me that anyone can do everything in such a short amount of time.
Maybe he's autistic or something, I don't know. But even just doing the actual experiment, without the questions at the end or anything, takes time.
And you have to think about what's happening and make sure you understand it and then answer the questions and make sure you know everything that you did and why etc.
And it's like some people just know it, almost innately.

I had a cigarette for the first time in a VERY long time.
I was buying some whiskey and just decided I need a smoke (just feel terrible again after girl talked to me). Asked if they sell tobacco....
Probably a big mistake.

I then had my 2nd, 3rd and 4th smoke in a very long time.
Probably going to have the 5th soon.

Oh and the only person IRL I can talk to about this stuff is another Lankan girl at work, who admitted she has feelings for me sometimes, so I feel bad if I talk to her too much about the girl, coz I don't want her to feel bad. So I really just need to let it out somewhere else.

I guess a minor rave is that, going through all this, I realise I am not a bad person.
I used to think I just didn't give a shit about anyone, and was very pessimistic.
But I'm basically the opposite of that. I probably care too much about people that I shouldn't.

I'll need to work on that.... I've been trying to improve myself in the wrong direction.

It stands for Emotional Freedom Tapping. I'm trying to look up a proper tutorial, I suppose if you youtube EFT tutorials any of them will be effective but they attach a lot of gimmicky spiritualism to it. It's pretty straight forward, when you're stuck in a neural pattern, start tapping your scalp, your face between the eyes and cheeks, above the inner points of your eyebrow, below your nose, at the cusp of your bottom lips and chin, on the side of your hand below your pinky knuckle, etc. You can look up all the pressure points and I recommend being thorough but just give a basic, broad tapping around the area to ensure you've hit on the specific pressure point a couple times, it's pretty simple really. When I did my scalp, I used eight fingers and broadly tapped all over it because there are a lot of points along the scalp to activate.

The gimmick is pretty extensive but it should only be used to break apart negative thought patterns. As in, when the unwanted pattern crops up, like you find yourself thinking about her and feel the pain and resentment, fixate on it and start tapping. The tapping will activate those points and clear the pattern away, freeing you from the negativity. I could go on in length about the neurological association of these points and how tapping is like do it yourself acupuncture, etc, but the technique is flooded with enough pseudo-science as it is, which I'm sure you'll have to wade through in order to find a map of the points yourself or a tutorial you like. I'm currently too drunk to find one for you, and you'll probably prefer applying your discrimination if you research deeper. It works though, I haven't dealt with any resentment since, at least not on the same level. When memories of my attack crop up now I mostly just feel pity, the major tension that kept me angry and awake is gone.

But man, it's taken off. Used to be much easier to get a straight forward tutorial. I wouldn't, personally recommend even targeting down the stress, I don't think one should be pro-active about undoing neural patterns. Rather, I'd wait until my mind's natural stream of consciousness comes along a point that causes real stress, and be present of it when it happens. It isn't difficult to find when it's all you think about outside of the brief moments where you've properly distracted yourself, but a lot of the gimmicks that have clung onto EFT seem to propose a more pro-active approach, and of course therein lies the attitude-knot that inhibits people from finding the freedom they want to begin with. They want to cheat by banging on their heads to make themselves happy because they refuse to readjust their priorities in life. That's not what EFT is for, it's for when a girl mindfucks you and creates a bitterness inside of you, or for when you know what happened, happened, and it's time to just let the chips fall where they fell and move on but your brain's stuck on repeat.

Originally Posted by dutchraptor

That feeling when you stand in line at the supermarket with one item and you look at the person in front of you who has an entire trolley full, and they quickly glance away. Is it seriously that hard to let someone else in front of you.

It's like people only care about saving time on the smallest level. "Oh it's almost red, Ill speed ahead" "That guys driving 98, Ill pass him so I can drive 100" "That guy only has one item, won't let him go first, that would take more than a minute"... Then they get home and spend 4 hours watching.

I'm genuinely surprised every time I see how impatient and selfish people can be, even when directly confronted with another human.

I enjoy the look on their face when I have a cart full of groceries and they have only 1 or 2 items, and I don't let them pass ahead of me. lol, go to the 10 items or less, asshole. Not aimed at you dutchraptor, just in general. I've had a few actually ask if they can go before me, and each time I said no and didn't look away. I waited for the response, but no one ever says anything, they just stand there with a stupid look on their face. Dafuq outta here that shit.

Why is it that a quiet, reclusive guy like me who spends most of his time petting his cat and sleeping can't seem to catch a break?!

I swear, no matter how hard I try I always wind up stuck in some fiasco that doesn't affect me in any way at least once every few months.

Maybe I'm just lucky to have those times where nothing bad is happening to begin with. I suppose that's more than most people can say about their lives.

Originally Posted by Original Poster

It stands for Emotional Freedom Tapping. I'm trying to look up a proper tutorial, I suppose if you youtube EFT tutorials any of them will be effective but they attach a lot of gimmicky spiritualism to it. It's pretty straight forward, when you're stuck in a neural pattern, start tapping your scalp, your face between the eyes and cheeks, above the inner points of your eyebrow, below your nose, at the cusp of your bottom lips and chin, on the side of your hand below your pinky knuckle, etc. You can look up all the pressure points and I recommend being thorough but just give a basic, broad tapping around the area to ensure you've hit on the specific pressure point a couple times, it's pretty simple really. When I did my scalp, I used eight fingers and broadly tapped all over it because there are a lot of points along the scalp to activate.

The gimmick is pretty extensive but it should only be used to break apart negative thought patterns. As in, when the unwanted pattern crops up, like you find yourself thinking about her and feel the pain and resentment, fixate on it and start tapping. The tapping will activate those points and clear the pattern away, freeing you from the negativity. I could go on in length about the neurological association of these points and how tapping is like do it yourself acupuncture, etc, but the technique is flooded with enough pseudo-science as it is, which I'm sure you'll have to wade through in order to find a map of the points yourself or a tutorial you like. I'm currently too drunk to find one for you, and you'll probably prefer applying your discrimination if you research deeper. It works though, I haven't dealt with any resentment since, at least not on the same level. When memories of my attack crop up now I mostly just feel pity, the major tension that kept me angry and awake is gone.

But man, it's taken off. Used to be much easier to get a straight forward tutorial. I wouldn't, personally recommend even targeting down the stress, I don't think one should be pro-active about undoing neural patterns. Rather, I'd wait until my mind's natural stream of consciousness comes along a point that causes real stress, and be present of it when it happens. It isn't difficult to find when it's all you think about outside of the brief moments where you've properly distracted yourself, but a lot of the gimmicks that have clung onto EFT seem to propose a more pro-active approach, and of course therein lies the attitude-knot that inhibits people from finding the freedom they want to begin with. They want to cheat by banging on their heads to make themselves happy because they refuse to readjust their priorities in life. That's not what EFT is for, it's for when a girl mindfucks you and creates a bitterness inside of you, or for when you know what happened, happened, and it's time to just let the chips fall where they fell and move on but your brain's stuck on repeat.

That made a little bit of sense. But I'm also drink right now. Maybe that's why it only made partial sense, or why it made partial sense at all.

Will re-read when sober.

Thanks OP. You're a good guy.

It's 80° warmer than it was and it's still freezing....

For the past two weeks or so this old set of memories has come back to haunt me, no idea why. And it's not even like it's that important to me, at least not consciously, because it has been years. But it is really screwing with my sleep, last night I couldn't fall asleep until almost four am because I couldn't stop thinking about it. Maybe I should try this EFT thing, even though it sounds kind of hokey. Whatever works.

Not having friends sucks, and at this point I'm wondering if it's even worth it to make friends here because if all goes according to plan I'm going to be moving in December. I don't know what is up with that. I don't think I'm totally socially inept, and I'm friendly and do start conversations and others respond well, but no one ever gets into the friend zone

And I was also wondering if any of you have had experience with acid, and if so, can you tell me what it's like? One guy told me that it's like removing your ego (as in Freud's "ego"), so any problems you have aren't really going to be moderated so you have to face them instead.

Originally Posted by tommo

You and me both brother. Not sure if you have an ALDI there, but if you do, go there. Almost everyone will let you in front if you only have a couple of things.
Kinda restores your faith in humanity a bit.

Ya I absolutely love aldi. It's a great place, especially considering how high quality there food is.
My experience that day was aimed at other shopping places, though I almost exclusively go to aldi for food.

Originally Posted by Rums03

I enjoy the look on their face when I have a cart full of groceries and they have only 1 or 2 items, and I don't let them pass ahead of me. lol, go to the 10 items or less, asshole. Not aimed at you dutchraptor, just in general. I've had a few actually ask if they can go before me, and each time I said no and didn't look away. I waited for the response, but no one ever says anything, they just stand there with a stupid look on their face. Dafuq outta here that shit.

Most shopping markets here don't have a 10 items or less isle. As for the rest of your post...that's just pathetic. Good job thinking you're great.

Thanks Tommo
NewArtemis, Snowy, Wobly, everyone

Breakfast was actually nice. I thought it lasted from 8-10 in a group sort of setting. But they actually rented a restaurant and people came in, ate, then left.
Then hubby and I went and watched Noah at 3:00. As a movie, I thought it was good. But it truly is the LEAST Biblical movie out there

SPOILERS

The Watchers? Seriously? No Nephalim? What the heck is wrong with you, Producer The movie pretty much portrayed Noah as the first Echo-Terrorist Noah was a righteous man, not suffering insanity. He was also a PREACHER and tried warning everyone, not a recluse. They completely side-stepped the one son (Ham, was it) who was cursed. It also took only 10 years to build the ark instead of the 100's (?) it really took. The other two wives were also missing from the ark but the producer got around that by making the young woman pregnant with twins. And GOD sealed the door to the ark once the flood started. Noah wasn't hanging off of it by a rope and Tubal-Cain didn't break in
As a lover of Scripture, it was hard to set aside those scriptures. As a movie, for the sake of entertainment itself, it was pretty good. The dialogue got on my hubby's nerves though

I would like to play some Minecraft tonight, but I'll probably fall asleep fairly early for a change.

Holy shit, I am never drinking again.

Felt like I was dying this morning, still feel shit. Cannot study. Gonna be more behind.