FryingMan

early dream forgotten as I tried to go right back to bed

middle:
+ (vague, impression), setting up for DS sex on a bed

later:

+ cultivating/planning lavender and other things fields by churches on the side of the road, hitting away the kids' whiffle balls

+ watching risque anime at work, think life is ruined when two red-coated security guys come to escort me out, but instead they direct me to a room where there's a surprise birthday party for me

+ high school reunion, walk around, small black girl (+ her friend) come up and shout "HEY, I'M LITTLE SHRIMP (?)", I admit I don't recognize anybody other than the short black guy over there who's named Robert Wagonner

+ freaky demon faces transform via blinking from normal to demon faces, one has caught a guy and is poking him with the long curved horns coming out of its head

+ driving on two-lane road, crumbling, our lane falls away, road ends in cliff, drive down, plop get out, think we need a row boat then I'm rowing the boat (oar comes out place it back keep rowing) I also am wearing a backpack of our stuff, get to part and I tell two girls sitting on a chair that I drank something that other time and forgot everything

Late to bed, and early interruption = short night so far, maybe grab a late morning nap later

+ (f) some "sting?" involving a car up on a road and wrapping some odd wire with something else (weird)?

+ work: company "N" CEO J comes to me and tells me how some important celebrity has endorsed our product once it was shown to him. I say why wasn't the product shown much earlier for better effect from the endorsement? J agrees with me. Lunch is brought to me, my lunch in a plastic food container containing sliced baked potatoes, I think CEO J is going to take it. He gives it to me along with a large piece of pizza with no crust on it, held together by a solid layer of baked cheese on top.

I'm holding a conversation with the engineers. I'm asking for technical characteristics. I give a detailed scenario and ask for particular performance results. Can a particular configuration achieve perfect results? Not quite it turns out.

There is an odd digital clock thing with a lot of different LEDs on it. It was made by some guy. Then I'm looking at the guy's life flowchart. At one point his flowchart shows him going home and getting stuck in a loop with his wife talking to him. Then it shows when his wife stops this that he moves to a state where he can do "useful work" [haha].

awake from phone calls to spouse
get up and study for an hour
wife leaves for early morning appointment
back to bed
more dreams!

+ LD#163 doing stuff walking around outside with a group/team, observing things, maybe some combat going on. I'm shooting an airsoft rifle? I find myself standing and looking at a large, interesting tree. My "mindfulness" observer mode kicks in [YES!] and I realize what I'm doing and that I'm dreaming. I'm excited and I start walking without clear direction. Things are a bit unstable, so I take off one of my gloves and rub my hands a bit together (one gloved and one ungloved). I'm walking down a path/dirt road leading to an open area below. I think of TOTM but no goals come to me. So I remember a secondary goal, and

Spoiler for NSFW, sexual body parts & fluids (eww), sexual encounter:

take down my pants. I see my (ahem) is waking-sized. "Be Bigger!" I command it and it lengthens satisfactorily. I want to see if I can self-please to conclusion in a dream, so I'm doing this as I continue to walk. I feel a sensation and see some spurts shooting out but it looks more like pee and it feels like I need to pee. Up ahead in the distance I see a science museum and I figure people will be in there and I'll go interact. Then I see a bunch of young people sitting on a car nearby and I go up to them and engage sexually. The first one disappears after I start, the second one turns into a plastic doll but that doesn't stop me, and I continue on with it (A then O), add in a third (O), then

the dream fades.

+ in some happening (conflict? battle?) and a girl falls from a tall height onto a platform in the middle. She's hurt I imagine and I go to comfort her. I hold her head tenderly in my hands and start making out with her. My best technique. Lots of lip pulling and sliding. I ask her if she likes the lip pulling and she says "yes" so I do it a little bit more and then move on to the sliding. It feels really good.

+ escape from the dragon gym. I enter with a companion into a gym [it is the YMCA I went to in A when I was small] through double doors. The doors are very stiff and hard to move. The doors seem to be freshly painted, the surface feels sticky like fresh paint. I look at my hand and don't see any traces of paint on it so it must be not too fresh. Inside the large room, I feel like there is a strong evil/dangerous presence, a dragon. There is a small barrier made of cloth on a frame and we hunker down right behind it but I know the dragon is aware of us and right on the other side of it. (It gets my friend?) I decide to use my invisibility (thing? innate ability) but I realize it won't be enough because dragons have a keen sense of smell and hearing. So I step out from behind the hiding place and throw a small thing and a bolster/pillow thing across to the other side of the room to distract it. Then I make a run for the door, and I sense it is right behind me. I force my way through the first set of stiff doors and the in-between area is so tightly packed with (piles of books?) that I will have trouble opening the second set of doors. I manage to get one of the set of doors open and push my way out. The dragon is now a threatening woman. As I emerge through the low second door to freedom I exclaim, "Books!"

Woken by a phone call, so recall a bit weak. There were other dreams but they slipped away from the jolting waking.

Many many dreams this night, several on the verge of lucidity. Too many to remember all through the night.

earlier:
+ flying a drone, play fighting with a girl (two-foot swinging kick into her stomach, knocking her backwards), up close cleaning some dirty white thing and doing a white glove test on it, which comes up dirty. I should use some sort of solvent on the stuff, but wiping it with the tissue I'm using seems to be making some progress.

+ at childhood home. I want to fly. I'm standing on the corner of the deck and it feels wobbly. I look down and see into the core of the pillar supporting this corner of the deck, I see it is loose/rottening.

later:
+ the new fence and massive "spark plug" electrical monoliths on the path to the museum where I wanted to take off flying to the city below, two motocross guys saying they can build the new track there. Thinking of blasting through a roof into a house in the city below and wondering what I'll find in there

+ TK table, things keep moving just from my thoughts, but it must be a coincidence of the wind?

+ pictures at prom, my sister, N! arrangements
Of all the hot girls I could have chosen to take to prom (thinking particularly of latinas), and I had to choose one who looked just like my sister!? When girls get together to take pictures, it takes forever because they must take all N! possible combinations of possible arrangements of each other. Thinking of

+ arriving at a pool prom, dark, the pool's outside, it's going to be cold!

+ in seattle driving through the hilly streets. I see a tower in the distance and orient on that, I know where I am. I'm driving fairly fast and being careful to look at the side streets to see if they have stop signs and whether I need to stop or not. I feel I'm still driving a bit fast. Come up to a large intersecting street which I "remember" I used to drive to here earlier. I'm really enjoying driving through the rolling hills. Where should I go, it's still early morning? I could go to the University and eat at my favorite thai place (AD) but I'm pretty sure it's not there any more. I could go see my friends CL whom I haven't seen in ages.

I'm meeting up with the bus? I go up to a high place with a bunch of other people and see a couple (guy and girl) from my group whom I "recognize." I go up to them and ask them "did you get wet tonight?" (oops I think I left them an opening for a bad joke) they answer "yes?" I tell them that I had a dream about our group going to a pool earlier. "A dream, huh?" they say. Then they move on (in to the pool). I'm standing in their spot and another couple comes up and ask if they can have that place now, they had to wait because my friends had taken it before. I say OK and move on to the pool.

They we're in a pool. The girl has goggles, everyone has googles but I don't have mine. I get out to look for mine. I see a backpack on the ground that looks like mine. I get closer and it's on an unfamiliar piece of fabric and the backpack itself looks too new and too stiff to be mine, it's not mine.

+ frisbee with Putin
I'm indoor and start tossing a frisbee around with Putin. We're both good. We start using two frisbees. Putin catches two at once, one of them around the back. I make a tilting up throw that comes back to me

+ dead guy
A group of people are standing around at night on a large sidewalk open area (city "B", Sh and C streets?). There is a dead guy well-lit lying on the ground with widely open mouth and a tongue sticking out. My (son?) is getting stuck under a car and I'm yelling for him to get out from there.

+ teaching son
I'm with son S1 as he was around 8-9. I'm teaching him some things from book, I see children's handwriting on a page. He's really happy I'm working with him. I think he's much better than when he was older and an annoying rebellious late-teenager. I see him at his older age simultaneously. I think all he wanted was for me to spend time with him.

+ admission of affair
I'm driving up to a house with my wife. This is the house of a woman with whom I've had an affair, and this is the meeting to call it to a halt. I have a feeling of dread about this and say "well, here it goes." We enter the house and it's empty. We go in to the kitchen and I offer my wife a glass of water, I look through the cabinets for a glass and find something like a small bud vase. The family (sisters and brothers) of the woman come home and walk as a group through the kitchen to the living room. They don't see us there. Then one of the sisters comes into the kitchen and sees me, recognizes me, and looks shocked. I say "we're only missing … (I can't remember her name! Does it start with "L"?)…the lady of the house."

Everybody sits down in the living room in a circle. I start talking. "I had an affair with (what was her name?) and it was wrong. This is my legal wife here. We've been married more than 20 years. It's going to stop with (L?)." Then one of her brothers gets mad and says "you mean all that stuff I did was for nothing?" (he apparently "helped" along the affair at one point).
Another of the brothers gets up and comes over to me and says "This then was all one big joke, and so are YOU!" and he taps me on the side of the head with a rolled up poster (it's light and doesn't hurt). They all get up and leave in disgust.

They're hanging around the kitchen, I'm with my wife, I'm trying to decide whether we should go out through the kitchen, which would require walking by them again, or another door out, my wife says we should go out another way.

Outside on the front walk, the family is still jeering at me, and I realize I'm holding the rolled up poster in my hands, and also there is a pair of large pliers there. I throw the pliers on to the ground by the front door in anger.

Back in my house I enter the garage. Something is following me, scooting up to me quickly from behind. It is a robot made from the yellow warning light atop road work stands with a foot-long antenna sticking up out of the top of it, atop a stand with some wheels, it's about a meter high. I think the family sent it and will be able to spy on me through a camera in this light. I grab the light/antenna top and hold it tightly in my hands.

I notice with a shock that the side door to the basement is open [dreamsign]. I walk that way and into darkness. A small long dog is there. "Is that you, L?" I see it is. He is young and in good health. I pet him a few times and move on.

Up ahead in an outdoor area I see my wife with a friend in the distance (who is a clothes dealer?). My wife joins me. I tell her those people sent a robot after me! I see an orange golf shirt with a small white stain under the collar. My wife makes some comment about them messing with my favorite shirt.

afternoon nap:
nap dreams are always vague for some reason.

+ (f) book deal
I think we should self-publish our book instead of going through an intermediary. If we do that, how soon could we start receiving income for it?

+ (f) girls at screen
Some girls are huddled around a computer screen. I'm approaching with a small cap/spoon of blue liquid that will highlight what they're doing. As I approach they huddle closer around the screen but I say that's not going to stop me from discovering what they're up to

+ (f) bag in restaurant
A group is leaving their booth in a restaurant, I lean over the seat and find a bag left there. I lift it up and ask "whose bag is this?"

+ (f) playing golf, my partners are pushing the golf ball along on the ground, I take a proper stroke?

+ in a place I felt we were before, different, but that looked just like it. Sandstone colored buildings with no other colors, just the outlines of doors and windows. At the end of the road (on a large stairway) many people come thronging towards us, and I control their coloring: at first they start out monochrome, then with my command they all become fully colorized, then back to monochrome (except a few stay colored).

+ (f) in a swimming pool with guy friend, two girls are there, they thing we're looking at them, try to avoid looking at them too obviously

+ outdoor daylight grassing knoll, people are there with dogs, I'm asking "where's (our dog "L")?" Where's L? I see a small miniature black and tan dachshund. Wife says L is over the hill in the sun, go to find him and find him there?

+ music camp, strawberries, farm huge tree (monkey puzzle?) (building built into it) tour seat/throne

+ back at camp go to room there are the swimming pool girls in there: one in a red long shirt with

Spoiler for NSFW description:

prominent/visible nipples through the shirt, her friend

is on a bed with a guy to the right, and the other one (blonde)
with

Spoiler for NSFW description:

mostly exposed big boobs

on a bed with two guys (one is ArGi from company "3"?). Step back to continue observing. Enter room, two guys on a bed? One guy moved to different room. Put on purple shirt from closet, think the chicks will dig it because it shows I'm a college guy. Some action with girls (vague)? Dealing with girl at table to buy/split some stock with her I must be careful to make sure I get it in writing. The doors to the room are locked and without door knobs, but you turn the little stub of a thing to open the door if you try. Humping a mattress? Something with one of the girls? I think the room is a mess and I should gather all my things up first.

+ my wife has gone to pay for the salmon we ate (I'm amazed that the vendor let us pay for it later), I go somewhere and see a newspaper sitting in a sink. I take it out and read it. I see articles about very old personal computers in it (apple II) which I find confusing, and check the date and yes, the newspaper is from the 1980s. I put it back in the sink but later I think I should have taken it with me.

+ outdoors, some trees around, a car, I'm waiting for something? and a guy comes up and offers to play frisbee he tosses it to me, and we throw it back and forth for a while across a large open dirt field. My best friend MR is there and he is talking about religion and I disagree with what he says.

+ In a church service, I come up behind the kids, they're giving them cookies and baked goods at the altar. There is N (bl ch girl, read) there with a cloth bag with a number of lemon/orange bars, and I ask if I can have one, fully expecting her to say yes. But she says no! I'm a bit miffed because she has a lot of them. She reaches into her mouth and takes out another lemon bar and offers it to me (looks unchewed and whole). I say "I don't want that! You took it out of your mouth!"

+ I'm in a play with girl N of the previous dream (lemon bar). I have taken my role at the last minute and I do not know my lines at all. I have my lines in my hand and I wonder if people will mind if I read my lines on stage. I think they probably won't. What shall I do, I certainly do not have time to learn them? Around the theater I ask the stage hands if they can get me a "period hat" (the play is set around the late 1800's?). Maybe I don't need one? They look at my hair (modern style) and decide yes I need a hat.

Our roles in the play call for us (me and the girl) to kiss on stage. I'm sitting outside with her and (she?) suggests that we should rehearse the kiss. She has never kissed anybody before. We kiss lightly a few times and she giggles and says "it feels funny!". I'm nervous because I know that if her dad sees us he'll kill me. There are people around but nobody is really taking notice. I suggest to the girl that we go somewhere private so nobody will see but she doest not want to go. I really want to go somewhere and make out with her.

Again focusing on fast back to sleep without much recall work. Recall definitely suffers.

+ in my previous adult home back garden with wife. There are tall interesting plants, like vertical succulents next to small pine trees. I see the evidence of lines of water cascading from the higher portions of the garden to the lower portions, via tracks in the ground that are green with ground covering.

+ outdoors, packing up some stuff (in the boy scouts?). A very large (1 foot long) toothbrush (pink) falls out of something I'm unrolling. I hold it in my hands and think if I can use it. I could always keep it to clean my shoes with or something [IWL went to dentist and get a new, pink toothbrush]

+ I'm walking towards a large open planned garden. I reach it and and standing among it looking at it closely. It is in the garden of a wealthy person who is landscaping a large area. The area is divided into rows of about 1-meter-square chunks, and in each chunk is planted a very specific pattern of several different varieties of plants. I'm standing in the newest planted area with very small young plants, farther on I see more mature, larger plants. I walk to the left and encounter a cousin who says s.l. "these plants are <???> [meaning hybrid]", I say "I know.

My cousin PR is there and says that there are peanut plants as well. I look down and see a ground-cover plant with dime-sized (leaf shaped though) light-green leaves spread over about 1 square meter. I kneel down on the ground and look at a plant growing in soil and think I see a bunch of peanuts (ready to eat) in the soil, covered in dirt, I look closer and they're not peanuts but small slices of root? PR then says here are some baby peanuts, and pours them into my hand. They are tiny, each one like like the size of a grain of millet. I toss the little handful into my mouth and chew and (get a faint taste of peanuts?)

Wake up and am amazed that that last memory came from a dream.

Early morning appointment and to bed late, so I focused just on sleep.
Some fragments and a short dream/long fragment

+ (f) I'm infiltrating and planting explosives to blow up a (space ship?). This repeats several times.

+ (f) a vicious dog gets out of the door in the (garage) blocking it in and it is threatening me. I'm trying to shove it back in and get the door to close properly

+ I'm outside a house on a front lawn which is several feet higher than the street and the sidewalk that goes by the house. My pool table is there in the yard. I see evidence (footprints, things are messed up) that some trespassers have climbed up onto the lawn and been messing around with the pool table. I think about racking the balls and playing a bit but I'm a bit concerned about people seeing me play outside like that and messing with my table. I think about putting up some sharpened stakes to stop people from entering the yard

+ (f) I'm in a utility/sport room inside with a girl and her mother and we're playing ping pong. The girl stops playing before the game is finished and I'm frustrated and I'm going to get revenge somehow.

+ (f) there are other tables set up next to ours and other girls are playing ping pong

Early memory very poor, and fragmented:

+ various scenes/fragments
We're trying to shoot a hairy ball into a box, and everyone keeps getting in the way, including son S1. I yell at everybody to get out of the way, I'm quite angry, and I wake up feeling very tight/anxious

I see that the guy hasn't mowed his fields, he's growing crops? On the other lawn there are a few tracks of a lawnmower but it too is mostly unmowed. Up ahead (down the childhood home driveway?) there are plants with thicker stalks growing. I say you have to cut them early before they get too established.

In some indoor space, come up behind a girl with lovely long hair, she turns around and she's quite pretty.

3rd person darth vader star wars battle with lightsabers, I'm jumping around dodging the blades?

about 5 hrs: can't sleep, out of bed at 6 hrs, up for several hours, back to bed around 8 hours, sleep until 13 hrs, making up the lost earlier sleep. BTS long and takes discipline and auto-hypnosis "getting more and more relaxed", etc.

After BTS dreams a touch more vivid but also highly fragmented and a bit weird:

+ tennis: arrive at the (apparently) tennis club car, find a parking spot close to the courts, pick up my racket and cans of balls and go for some private training time. On my way there I meet my playing partner [false]! I ask him since we're both here, does he want to play a match? He does. I put my things into the court and go to the edge of the court to set our match play time. Can't find it. Go inside the clubhouse and it's hidden behind a small whiteboard on a shelf.
[other stuff continues, forgotten?]

+ video game: the game starts, and you have to use the dual X/Y axis controls to maneuver the cursor to the linking (red?) square/circle in order to make it to the next landmark and initially to start the game, you have to do it by the time the timer reaches zero or you fall behind. Then I'm maneuvering around a 3-D curving lattice, hitting the sides which slows me down. My opponent zooms by me at high speed going the other way. He was clever and chose the path that went around outside this construct first and went through it backwards.

+ LD#162 (vivid, beautiful scenery) I'm maneuvering down a hillside outside in strong daylight. To our left is very mountainous terrain on the other side of an extremely tall chain link fence. We want to get to the beach level, we don't like being so far up in the hills. Another state (Colorado?) is on the other side of the fence. I look over to the left, at the fence (man that's a tall fence), and at the hilly bumpy descending terrain several times. We see what we think is a good path down, and we rush forwards. The ground just stops and there is a very steep fall down hundreds of feet to the ground below. The terrain below is still not what we want, it's very marshy and still hilly. I barely hold on to a pole right there at the edge to stop myself from falling down. My dad is still standing right there with me. I hold the pole with my right hand and try to lean out so that I can survey the coastline extending far up to the right. Yes, there is flat beach land there, that's what we're looking for.

We (jump? fly?) down and we're in a city street scene outdoors still daylight. My dad and I are going to go into some store/restaurant. Up ahead I spot two lovely girls in bright/fancy gowns/dresses. One is putting up her hair briefly, this immediately catches my attention. I tell my dad "wait, (I'll be back/I'll be a sec/something?)" and walk towards the girls. Out of habit and desire I do a nose pinch RC and I can breathe. Wait, what!?!? I'm dreaming? I must have gone to sleep once my dad and I jumped down here to the street. But I don't remember taking a nap! I'm still approaching the girl, and holding my nose closed and doing quick in/out breaths, yes, nose pinch is very clearly indicating dream. I tentatively reach towards the girl (now turned away from me with the other girl) and touch her shoulder and slowly turn her around towards me, just in case this is a mistake. She turns towards me and looks at me, she's pretty. I put her arm up over her head again and kiss her, pull back so as not to lose the dream, run my finger up and down her shoulder/arm a bit, looking at it, then look at her face and say "You're beautiful!" She says "Thanks!" and the dream fades

+ wheel a woman in wheelchair into and out of a tiny elevator

+ at top of very long snowy slide, no way I'm getting on that, it'll kill my back when it levels out at the bottom. Looking again at it towards the bottom, it is divided into shelves one above the other, kind of pointless I think

+ at a table with my (new wife?), her mother says one thing you should never give a bride is ground pepper. The food we're eating needs pepper, I pass the pepper grinder to my wife and grind out a bit, the mother comes over and looks into what I'm doing, I don't care about her stupid superstition

earlier: pretty much all forgotten

+ (f) on the backyard steps of my childhood home with uncles and dad, big and fat without shirts on, doing something with water and (Easter eggs?)

+ (f, impression) high school friends on a roller coaster?

final dream of the night:

+ No Good Deed Goes Unpunished (fairly vivid and present)
(I'm putting my bicycle into the back seat of my mom's car outside my childhood home?)
I'm in a parking lot, I walk up to my truck [false] which is double parked. There is a black woman there who says she saw some guys come by and check out my car looking for parts to steal, but the didn't take anything. I (or she?) says that yeah there are guys always cruising the parking lots looking for cars to strip. I get in my truck and start slowly driving away while the woman is walking beside the car on the passenger side with the door open, I'm wondering when I can just drive away without being rude. I eventually say "thank you" and close the door and drive on.

Right up ahead there are two convenience stores where I want to stop to get some breakfast, a couple sausage muffins I think, but I the woman is still walking there and it would be awkward for me to park and get out and meet her again.

Then I'm walking on foot with my bicycle and looking for the place in front of the large grocery store where I can put it. I wonder if I have a lock, and I look down into my bike's basket and see my bike lock (cable and combo lock) and think ah great. So I look for bike racks and find a few different styles.

I get down on the ground and inspect them. One is a low horizontal close to the ground piece of rebar with some cables strung about it. I'm closely inspecting it and trying to determine if I loop a cable lock over it if someone could simply pull the lock right off and take the bike and lock away together. Then I see some standing racks where you roll your front wheel into a slot where it holds up your bike and there's a little eyelet where you can run a cable through. I decide to use this one.

I start putting my bike here. Then a family comes by with 3 little crying and screaming red haired children with a very severe mother who is yelling at them and pushing them down in the cart. The girl is screaming about how the boy had been pulling her hair. I decide to be a good samaritan and start talking to the kids and say "would you like to help me lock my bicycle?" The mother stops the cart and lets me do this. The children quiet down right away. I show them how to thread the two ends of the lock through the eyelet (and under the bike's drive chain) and put them together. The lock becomes an electrical extension cord with male and female plugs, and the (father?) says "don't get zapped" to the kids. They push it together and we all continue in to the grocery store together.

I walk up to the mom and give her some advice, "I had two small boys myself, I understand what it's like, it really helps to keep them occupied instead of just screaming at them."

I'm talking to somebody else by a display stand about how my cousins's family is spread all over the country for graduate school [false] but they get homesick and really look forwards to returning home (for the holidays?).

Then I wake up (FA) in some back room of the store. I'm concerned about my bicycle. I realize that just simply using an electrical extension cord is a terrible lock, it could simply be unplugged and my bike stolen. I run in to the store and can't find my way to the front, I ask some people where the front of the store is and they point back through the back room where I woke up. I'm thinking now about biking the rest of the way to school, it should be easy since it is mostly downhill (flat, but tilting slightly downhill) the rest of the way. I don't want to arrive at school all sweaty.

I pass through a large dim room where an Asian woman is doing Tai Chi and is saying how we all should be calm.

I see up ahead a corner of an outdoor swimming pool and make for that and run outside. There is a young mother relaxing with her back up against the edge of a shallow (slightly deeper than a wading pool) pool, she has a small boy who is playing a few meters away from her. She is cute and my eyes linger on her for a few seconds as I run by, (she looks back at me?). A narrator says s.l. "this is the American way."

I run by another small pool to the left where a husband has returned to his family carrying and shaking some flavored milk drinks in each hand.

I make my way back to the front of the store and my heart sinks as I look over the bike area and don't see my bike. Some f^&*er has stolen my bike indeed. I look closer and see that all the pots and pans that I was carrying, including a dish brush, were taken out of my basket and piled there on the ground. An older woman is standing there saying that some guy had been there hammering, I think that must have been the guy who stole my bike.

+ I'm playing football. I'm on the football field practicing kicking field goals. I can't get the ball to stand upright on the little stand. I probably try 10 times to get it to stand up and it keeps falling over. I think it takes a lot of practice to balance it properly. I eventually kick a field goal right at the goal line, woohoo, all of 15 yards. Then I try to set up farther away, way to the right side of the field, and trying to see the goal and get a good angle on it. I think practicing to become a place kicker on a football team would be a good thing.

I'm am playing catch with a football with my BF MR. My arm is a bit weak. I want to do a punt, I line up the ball properly with laces on top, drop it to my foot and kick hard. My leg seems weak, the kick doesn't go far and flies well to the right of where I was aiming. disappointing result.

I think that there is a guy who invented and patented some substance that they apply to all footballs which results in a perfect no-slip grip.

+ I'm driving in a minivan, I'm the driver. My wife is in the front passenger seat. We have some (foreign?) visitors in the back seat. My wife wants me to roll down the window and shout something rude at some hick up ahead. I do not want to do that. It turns out that he's some hill billy playing country music (?). We're driving through some suburban labyrinth-like development with constantly curving streets.

I approach the guys house on the left, roll down my window, and shout out as we pass his house, "YEE HAW!" and hit the gas and speed away. I say "there, did it!" to my wife. The guys in the back seat make some comment like they're shocked at what I did. I'm barely making it around the corners and the speed I'm driving, I think I jump the curb at one place. I want to get out of this development so the guy I shouted at doesn't come after me. I think I've reached a dead-end, and I realize with dread I will have to turn back.

I turn the van around and then ahead of me I see an on-ramp to a freeway that I didn't see when coming the other way. I'm relieved and see that it exists the development area. I take the on-ramp and have to avoid a speeding large squar-ish weird (blue?) van that I "know" is a book van. I get on to the freeway and hit the gas and accelerate and change lanes to the leftmost lane. Then traffic is slowing and stopped right in front of me, I hit the brakes and avoid the cars by steering to the left lane. There is an exit here to freeway "380" or "317" or something that I need to take so I steer across all the lanes (traffic is stopped with all cars getting off at this exit, too).

Then my group is out of the van and jumping/ climbing down a hillside. My wife throws in a frisbee and we're playing frisbee on the hills while running down. GB (grad school, ultimate player) is there. We reach the flat ground and keep playing frisbee. I do an awesome behind-the-back catch and GB says "wow great catch". I say "I used to play frisbee all the time on the street outside my house". I then do a behind the back throw to GB. I do a high-speed long distance tilted throw, and ends up bouncing off some stones and going high in the air. Then I toss the frisbee and both GB and BF MR jump up to get it. They hit heads. They come down holding their heads. I see a small spot of red blood in the outside corner of MR's left eye. I say "M, you're eye is bleeding!" MR says "my glass eye got dislodged!" [false]. I look more closely and see a sort of "eye frame" slightly protruding from MR's left eye socket.

+ movie theater. In long lines (seeing Star Wars?) with my (younger) kids. Lines move. We take a line that goes up stairs. We're clambering over seats. Sitting with my kids friends they make some smart allecky remarks.

+ (f) cars full of kids are driving. They have a kilo of pot in the car. Should I call the cops?

+ (f) thoughts of old dog L when he was young. Remembering letting him out of his sleeping place in the morning and running around like crazy when he was a puppy.

wake, insomnia. out of bed. after 1.5 hours, drowsy again, back to bed. Takes a while to get to sleep,

+ then a lot of scenes, some short, some long, most very vivid.

flying, up high, scared of height at first, small space, must constantly turn

the police are searching and scrubbing things in our house. I'm pinned up against the wall by 4 police dogs. They're calm but someone says the one on the left can bite off fingers.

A man is a competitor for the favor's of a young lady. He storms off in anger and keeps returning to turn off light switches that I keep turning on. Happens several times.

There are a lot of dishes to wash. I have dirty utensils in my hands. I should put on rubber gloves.

In a club with young people, we close the door against someone we don't want coming in

Thinking about an enclosed water slide. They closed a portion of it because it was too steep at the end.

Cooking food. Many steaks and chunks of meat.

[and a number more, forgotten]

Last night was an astonishing night. Not just that I had 4 LDs, but that the quality of the dreams were leaps and bounds ahead of almost any other LD I've had, except some on galantamine. I did a few things differently this night:

Bedtime: approx 1:30am. Final out of bed: about 1:50pm (yup you read that right), wife woke me up because we had an appointment. Some time awake before post-lucid dreams.

Lucids occurred approx 8 am.

+ Moderate exercise a few hours before bed.

+ I got off the computer about an hour before bed.

+ I read about vipassana meditation ("Mindfulness In Plain English"), doing calming breathing while reading the book, before bed, including reading through some Universal Loving Friendliness recitations.

+ At bed time, instead of setting strong intention to recall dreams, get lucid, pay attention to the night, for a long time like I sometimes do, I took a different approach: I had a "conversation with my SC":

I know that you [my SC] knows how to dream. I do not need to "spend effort" to "make myself dream." Dreaming will happen naturally. All I have to do is notice it when it happens in order to get lucid. I would really love to be lucid in my dreams tonight!

Thank you for my dreaming experiences! Tonight, I would like to have beautiful dreams. Lovely landscapes full of beauty. [and maybe a request or two about romantic encounters , but mostly focusing on beauty]. Fun, beautiful, interesting dreams.

Also, I work on falling asleep using sivason's mantra breathing. I tell myself "I am…." on every inhale, and "…dreaming…" on every exhale. I really really try to let go of all tension and totally relax along with this, because typically reciting mantras keeps me awake.

So there was a strong current of both mental and physical relaxation involved. I fell asleep initially fairly quickly.

I had 4 phases of dreaming:

Early

Pre-lucid

Lucid

Post-lucid

I had longish wakings just before and after the Lucid period, but didn't get out of bed, I remained in bed and did recall. I went to sleep again using the mantra breathing "I am….", "dreaming." And "Remember, I am…", "…dreaming…"

Early:
I thought I had forgotten these entirely, but some just came back to me now as of this writing (in the evening).

+ outside building, trying to get in, I need my math books. MaEd (husband of CamEd, friend at work in college) brought them to me. There are also lots and lots of papers to read. I look through them and see words on the paper. Kind of blurry like a bad photocopy, but definitely visible. I think if you do all this reading you'll get a lot of extra credit. [Possibly day residue from watching "Modern Educayshun" video before bed].

There were more, but forgotten for now.

Pre-lucid:

+ the road
(walked too far, sit across from field up against a stone wall on sidewalk, dirty backpack, dirty (grass clippings) hat, brush it off, think people will consider me a hobo I'm so dirty. Crazy guy who works in the fields comes out, saying "HEY THAT'S MY SPOT" farmer in filed across the way says "yeah he always sits there to eat lunch." I don't get upset, I imagine sitting with him and having a conversation, [I think a result of Loving Friendliness recitations].

+ the mural
an artist is painting a mural on the wall. I think it is a rendition of human inner connective tissues, it is red and white, and it is lovely. Artist (woman?) runs her fingers along the lines of the paint, red paint in between white boundaries (or the other way around?), smoothing out the paint, making long curving lines. Then she is drawing artistic features at lightning speed. With a few strokes of her brush in a second, she can draw a full "heart", she draw several.
Then at the end, she submerges herself in the pool of water beneath a decorated Christmas tree, I have a top-down view of her sinking down and the reflections of the lights on the tree sparkle on the water.

+ sports field, conversation
There is a sort of party outside, young people are milling around. Someone was supposed to get the beer. There was a mixup? Someone had left it up to "the Mexican."
Approaching a sports field. Some even happening there? I stand above it.
There is a procession of beefy male football players down a narrow strip of field below me. One of then is really huge and fat. I think he's over 500 pounds. Man, how'd you like to play against a 500 pound opponent?! I walk around the corner and run along the other side. I make a running leap on to the long seat/couch on the lower side of the "field"/walkway. A girl up ahead to my right calls out "Seismic event!!" when I land. I say "hey!", I think it's rude of her to commend on my weight like that.

I'm lying there and some people come up to me. Women in their 30's they seem like. Several come up and there are some conversations. Then MiSe (conductor, undergrad university orchestra) is there. He's wearing a knit cap that is pulled down just over his eyes which are slightly visible beneath the cap. His eyes seem red and kind of weird. I wonder if they're stuck to the hat. I want to boast to these women we're talking to about me playing in the university orchestra, but I don't say that.

+ DILD, LD#158 TOTM basic II (laugh in a DC's face)

I walk into kitchen of childhood home [don't realize it yet]. It is dark/night. As soon as I step on to the floor I glide slowly across the room. This grabs my attention. I think the floor must have been recently oiled. I realize this is my childhood home's kitchen, I'm looking down at the floor and it seems a bit too large, missing some items, like things were taking away to clean the floor. The linoleum has random dots/drops on it for decoration. I'm just really liking this gliding: I take one step forwards and I glide all the way to the other side, slowly. How can this be happening? I step out of the kitchen into the living room Oh, I know: I'm dreaming! (nose pinch confirms). I'm very happy to be lucid. I think about narrating the dream but don't. I think of TOTM: laugh in a DCs face. My parents are right upstairs! I'll do the laugh one. Dream only slightly unstable at first, but solidifies. Go upstairs and down hallway to my parents' bedroom, the door is closed. Hey, I'll be able to see my mom! I open the door and say "Mom? Dad?" in a sort of little boy lost voice. Two people are in bed, they both sit bolt upright and look at me in surprise. Instead of mom and dad, through, there are two of my dads there. I think briefly this is because my mom passed away and I can't therefore see here. The duplicate dad disappears. My dad is sitting on his knees upright in the bed. I go right up in bed next to him, his face close to mine. He appears 20-30 years younger than he is now. I start laughing with a sort of high-pitched voice, looking into his eyes. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…" for about 10-15 seconds. He looks sad and a bit confused. Maybe says something once. When I stop laughing, he flops back down into bed on his face, exasperated. Satisfied I've done the ask, I leave and go downstairs.

At some point approaching the dining room I lose visuals. It's like visuals are "stuck" at a scene in the upstairs hallway. I can still feel things in the location in the house where I know I am. I consider going back upstairs so that my location matches the stuck image in my mind as a way to unstick it. I go into the kitchen again and look at the floor and the visuals are back. I'm gliding across the room, and I notice that the pattern on the floor has changed: long lines now arranged in groups at right angles. I turn around and glide back towards the dining room and notice that there is also a new color suddenly on the linoleum [peach, pinkish?].

I go out the sliding glass door onto the deck. I notice with satisfaction that the view of the city lights below looks very accurate and stable. I see that up and to the right in the night sky [blocked by some trees], is the sun. There are black clouds covering the sky. The sun is shining a weird yellow light into the night sky. Sort of like an eclipse sun? I walk to the left on the deck to get a direct view of the sun. The trees are still sort of in the way. So I do a jump into the air and go up about 50 feet. The sun is amazing and multicolored. It is shining multicored light onto the houses in the area. Red, purple, blue bits of light, I gasp at the beauty.

Spoiler for frequent sexual content for the rest of this dream:

I land on the ground and am in a quiet suburban neighborhood of large houses at night. I remember a dream goal of sexually pleasing myself to see if I can climax in a dream without the challenge of waking from the sexual excitement from being with a female. I whip it out briefly, then I notice in the window of the house nearest me I see a man standing quickly jerking his big (ahem). His head is obscured by the top of the window. That must be the right house for me! I go and enter the house, and turn to the left. I see some females, definitely interested in them more than the guy, so I go to one and put her up on a chair and get a few quick BJ slurps from her. Then I'm positioning her for intercourse, and the problem arises that I have to use a female condom.

I'm looking at this strange device and trying to figure out how the heck to use it. It's about the size of a typical brown paper lunch sack, maybe a bit narrower. It is partly made from brown paper and partly from see-through cellophane-like plastic. I'm just looking at this thing and wondering what to do. Should I just put it inside her? Then her female friend comes in and is holding a more appropriately sized thing looking much like the "female condom" I'm inspecting.

My girl goes off to the bathroom to (put it in?). She returns and sits down a bit away from me, her face is now half-painted, like football fans do in stadiums. I look at her again and the color of the paint has changed and is harder to see. Then she is sitting right next to me again faced a bit away from me and I turn her head towards me and kiss her. She has thin lips and a small mouth and is wearing red lipstick. She tells me, "I know (your problem / your secret?)! You never went through puberty!" I deny this.

Then she is facing me and we're getting ready again for sex. I start unbuttoning her blouse, and I'm really looking forward to this. I tell her, "I can't wait to eat your p***y!" She says "Mmm Hmm!" and then at the second button,

the dream fades...

DEILD, LD#159

Spoiler for pretty much all sexual, explicit language and situations, some nasty bodily discharge, I'm warning you!:

I appear lying on my bed in my bedroom, there's a man sitting next to me. I get lucid right away. He is stroking a large erect (ahem). "I see you there, jerking it!" I tell him. I think he's some celebrity. I look at my own exposed member. There is some pus-y, cheese white stuff near the tip. WTF is that? Oh God I hope I didn't get VD from the girl I was just with in the other scene. I'm peeling back the skin and my whole thing basically is opened up kind of like a pod thing from Alien, it's really gross. The guy next to me says "ewww!" I pull out a string of disgusting discharge connected to some semen still coming out of the tip. I clearly need to go to the bathroom and wash my (ahem). I make a rude comment to the guy [censored].
I go to the hallway bathroom. I enter it, it is darkish but partially lit (by a night-light). I flip a light switch and nothing happens. ("Aha!" I think, so light switches *don't* work in my dreams!). I wash my thing. I then notice the man out in the hallway. I look again and he has a girl's body. I go out and he's a girl now. I tell the girl to "dry my (ahem) by sucking it". Which she does for a few seconds, and

the dream fades.

DEILD, LD#160:
I'm back in the hallway bathroom, sitting on the floor.

Spoiler for sexual encounter:

There is naked girl on her hands and knees across my body. Her coloring is a bit odd, maybe like a cartoon character. I position her so that her butt is facing me, still on her hands and knees. I have a close up view of her (ahem) right near my face. I get up on my knees and begin to enter her doggy style. Thinking of stabilization, I look around and put my hand on to the hallway stair railing which is right there. I begin to enter her

… and the dream fades.

[Wake, recall, BTS mantra breathing]

DILD, LD#161 Fish, task girl, restaurant
I appear about 10-15 feet up from a fairly large expanse of water. It is grey and slightly dim. I'm sitting with fogelbise. He says he's burned out of fishing. I look down to the water and am astounded. There are *so many* fish visible in the fairly shallow and clear water. Big round ones, straight ones, over to the right some large shark-sized fish. They are slowly swimming about. I exclaim "man the fishing would be *great* here!" I'm looking at these fish and something strikes me and I do a nose pinch and I'm lucid again. I go down to the water level. I think of the TOTM basic I, ask a DC for a TOTM task. I look up to where I was sitting before but fogelbise is gone. There's nobody around. I wade out into the water and see a girl with her head (eyes?) just above the water line. I go up to her and take both her hands in both of my hands and lift her up out of the water. I ask her, "tell me a task!" She doesn't answer. "Tell me a task!" I say again. She mumbles something. I take her in to a building, there is a waiter there with paper cups and I want him to pour me some champagne to drink. I take the girl against a wall and put her on a table and ask again, "tell me a task!". She answers, "invest your cash register, freeze." I repeat it slowly to make sure I have it. "Invest your cash register, freeze?" I again repeat, "Invest your cash register, freeze?" She nods yes. I lean down and

Spoiler for sexual encounter:

lick her p***y a few times but don't want to get engaged for fear of waking

.
I move on deeper into this building and encounter an older man, 50's perhaps, a bit overweight, wearing a white uniform, like a chef, and he's asking me for the remote control. We go into the next room and I"m looking around, forgetting him, and he again says he needs the remote control. We're near a chef's kitchen shelf (where they put up the finished plates) and I decide to reach around some appliance and expect to feel a small device with my fingers. I do feel such a device, but then an anonymous hand from the other side of the shelf shoves forward a small grey remote control. I pick it up and give it to the chef guy. I think of apologizing for it being missing, but I sense that I'm the boss of this place so that would look weak. I walk with this chef guy out towards the entrance, and want to have more fun, so I ask him to take me to the champagne, then...
… the dream fades.

wake, recall, BTS

Post-lucid:

+ appear in home, kitchen, a party's going on with guests over. fogelbise is sitting at the kitchen table in the dining nook, my wife is nearby in the kitchen. I want to indicate to him I had four lucid dreams just now, so I hold out my left hand with my thumb tucked in near his face slyly so no one else can see (I don't want to talk about the LDs where my wife could hear). fogelbise sort of shrugs not understanding and holds up about 8 fingers on two hands with a question on his face. I again indicate the four fingers to show I had 4 lucid dreams. There's a small boy (with an afro?) at the table also.

+ overlooking conference hall with military table different color, flags at each position , wife with me on upper level, computer, party, this is the place for action I say, she leaves angry, go get her?, go after she's still there by restaurant window, take sliced-in-half oranges from restaurant window, thers a cup there, we'll squeeze into a cup for fresh orange juice.

+ walk down street, big city, cross street, see son coming other way, want to cross to meet him, major gasoline lines being installed at this corner, overhead. Police block the crosswalk, I wait for green light and cross even through it may be blocked but nobody stops me.

Spoiler for sexual content, bodily fluids:

+ in home with sons, hear S1 talking about his (sexual?) encounter with his girlfriend, it involves a pineapple, and his girlfriend walking in on his masturbating then giving him a pineapple to indicate her desire? Son S2 is really making fun of son S1 for this. I'm in a bedroom off to the side masturbating with some device. It's making a lot of squishing sounds. I sit up and some really loud sounds result, I call out "It's from my slippers!" (it was true. There is a towel stuck in the upper part of the door. I close the door for more privacy. I lie on the bed and start in again on my (ahem), and notice that I am now ejaculating [pretty much first dream noticing this]. I'm confused because I felt no orgasm. It's really coming out of me, not just a minor early dribble. Hmm, seems I've had a premature ejaculation? My son in the other room says "oh don't worry, happens to me sometimes" and I *am* worried that this indicates he's inappropriately sexually active.

Took some Hup-A + ginkgo biloba at bedtime. Ugh. Terrible sleep, never again.

Up for a few hours, drowsy, back to bed and made it to sleep. Some strange short dreams.

+ outside some dance/yoga studio/dressing room? Trying to figure out if I can go in. Women to the left, men to the right? I go in and there are women to the right as well. There's a shower and there's a line. I go stand by the shower against the wall while the (aerobics?) class is still going on. I'm slightly moving to the music, leaning up against the wall with SoTc (girl). I notice in the shower a hot naked woman, with dark large nipples/areolas. I look again and she's covered up with a tight one-piece bodysuit but is still in the shower and her nipples are still visible through the cloth. At one point ST and I "bump" arms together on purpose, kind of like a high-5.

+ outdoors, I'm on someone's balcony. I look in to their house. It is a very large, rich, sumptuous house, and everything inside seems to be colored blue: floor, walls, furniture, a medium to medium dark shade of blue. On the patio outside there are strange ground "tiles" which are like cross sections of pipe that are set on edge round edge up, but are cut so that there are sharp protrusions pointing up. I think that would be a bad place to fall down, you'd definitely get hurt there. I think hey why not go in to their house and look around? My sister comes up and looks and also wants to go exploring.

+ there is some scary witch old lady, a girl manages to escape, while I'm left with her, she comes up and screeches in my face, (I push her back?) and run away. I make it out to a room/balcony and think that the entire garden has been made as a trap: you think you can get away, but once you get down there there is no way out. I'm trapped. The witch comes in and slowly moves towards me from the other side of a long large dining table. I jump/escape down to another hallway?

Outside on the street, my wife is asking me about something about a church. I go up some stairs and am standing at an altar, and old woman walks up and pulls off her skirt and then takes off her top (but she's still dressed underneath) and submerges herself into a baptism font.

+ (f) I see a close up of a guy's face (from the witch's?). He is taking off sunglasses because he's cool. Then I see that he has a second set of eyes, right below his "normal" set of eyes. Ah, that's why he wears the sunglasses all the time.

+ (f) abstract battle against alien things arranged in massive triangular formation

+ (f) walk into bathroom to clean my (ahem), listen in to my son S1 calling his GF having a long and emotional conversation that didn't sound like it was going well and had been going on all day and night

Alarm, back to sleep

+ an amazingly long (epic even) stream of scenes, one after the other. Dream boundaries completely unclear, just counting it all as one

sitting at bedtime with my kids, they're young, I start talking to them and we start eating s.l. a taco salad, wife starts yelling about kids not getting to bed, I keep yelling back "You're interrupting me!"

volleyball girl (me:"I can't set for shit" … me: "I want to be on your side…always!")

Angband on colored cloth (moving monsters), turn away quickly

taking pictures of sea lions from a distance through a camera viewfinder, thoughts of running away from sea lions if they start chasing you

Palpatine fights and destroys some guys, yellow lightsaber embedded in guy's finger and down into his arm. Palpatine gives me a pair of emperor-red colored ear buds & cables with dual pc jack and left/right connectors, tells me to go to restaurant and hack into their systems and mess with all the settings (lamps, etc.)

Go to restaurant, think about sitting at counter, number pad right there, carrying laptop, walk down long table looking for seat, see a place on the end with lots of outlets for my laptop, people reserving seats, see a free one on the end next to monitors, guy steps in front of me, I push/hit him in the lower back saying "Hey!" to get him out of the way, do I need to use the monitor? I have a laptop

playing recorder piece, giving demonstration of multiple fingers lifting up at a time, first recorder is just the mouthpiece, luckily there is a backup which I pull out because I have more than one

welcome the new guys to the neighborhood. Say how awesome it is to go to Santa Cruz and hang out at the beach on Sundays in the sun (they say "yeah, man!"). Wife says the best part of the beach, I say it's a miles long beach, someone else says s.l. I wonder if I should tell them about the terrible parking and traffic, but don't.

Then I'm diving into the water and swimming around to see the fishes. I come up in some sort of covered place where colleague R.H. is. He says he's moving away to Boston with his girl and he wants parting wisdom from me.
Me: (singing to the tune from "Please come to Boston") "Please come to Boston…"
Me and R.H. in unison: ".. she said YES!"
Then we're in some room like a party. I give him the advice that both for computer scientists and software developers, you really need to know your algorithms. Study algorithms. He agrees.

potato chip processor, guy: "they're all about presentation" me: "They're also all about the flavor". Just standing in awe of this amazing multi-level multi-blade food processor system (about 3 feet in diameter).

walking past tables at the restaurant with food laid out ahead of time, See cousin GL, stop and give her a hug. Someone says "it's a good thing that arrow was shot at me" ("it got me going?").

In some party, our friends are caterers, we're getting hungry. I can't wait for them to bring in the food left over from the event so I go looking for the dining room. Outside, there is a vendor who has replaced what was there before with a small ping-pong table with heavy cement base. I go up (stairs) and enter the dining area of the formal dinner. Strange furnishings. People there say I have right to be there without (a pass? permission?). I see pastries, including a "French Horn" pastry up on a shelf. There are also bags of cookies. A friend of mine grabs one of the cookies and I say that seems like the right idea but I don't take one.

+ (f) someone has sharpened the long kitchen knife. The cutting edge is now shiny and looks nicely sharp.

+ (f) and old-time bicycle is all I need

+ We're taking off in a helicopter. The pilot is Br (HR director from company "B"). We take off and bank and we're commuting to work now. I think this is really convenient. We arrive at the building in seconds, and start circling the building over the parking lot which extends all around the building. Our company's area is empty of cars, other areas are full of cars. It's still early in the morning. We're approaching (and have landed?) in the loading dock, the loading guys are already at work, they start early. They show us were to park the helicopter.

+ with a partner (wife?) I am very cautiously stalking through the dark streets, on high alert to any sort of trouble. We encounter a stand in front of an arch/door way leading into a courtyard. On this stand is a gun that we need. Another group of two gunmen approach and we retreat into the courtyard, weapons pointed at the new people. They're also detaching a gun from the gun stand. They need to check a shotgun shell, but they haven't turned on (some circuit) and want us to test it. I'm suspicious of a trap. I say "So, you want us just to see if this shell fires?". He nods yes. I keep my gun leveled on him at all times and have my partner shoot it straight up into the air. "Satisfied?" I ask? He says "yes" and they start to move on.

Then we come back out to the stand and start to undo our new gun from it. The guy comes back and says "oh, so you're taking a new gun?" I now am holding both my gun and my partner's (both large long rifle types or shotguns) and keep both my hands on both triggers and pointed at this guy. The gun looks like a small orange stuffed toy. The guy says "Oh, that's a Beamer!" I'm holding the Beamer (a laser gun/tool) and am looking for the trigger and the point where the beam shoots out.

I turn on the Beamer. A red laser beam shoots out, and I run it all along the surrounding hillsides in a circle. I understand that the Beamer is a laser distance measuring tool, you sweep it in an arc around your and it records a map of your surrounding areas. I also think it can burn things, so I focus the beam on a hillside until some smoke starts appearing. It's not a very strong burning beam so you have to focus it in one place for a while before it will burn.

Then I decide to focus the beam through the window of a rich looking house up on on the hill. I notice that something on the wall across from the window starts smoking. Now I feel bad I may burn down this house so I ask for a phone to quickly call the fire department.

Scene switches to inside the house that I light on fire. I (?) am calling, and the guy answers on the phone. It's Billy Crystal (or I am Billy Crystal?) the celebrity. The house is a mess, toys and things are spread all over the floor and broken, like a bit commotion broke out.

Then the house owner is Vladimir Putin. The story goes that he liked this (apartment?) so much that he bought a second. But at this complex the security guards don't communicate well and so when Putin moved from one apartment to another, he had to remember to take his wallet with him so that he doesn't get locked out (WTF!?).