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    Non-Lucid Dreams

    1. 2023-08-06 concert/instrument, mob bicycle, green guys singing, billiard performance

      by , 08-06-2023 at 10:04 AM

      Legend
      Colors: Lucid, Semi-lucid, Non-lucid
      [comment from waking] in angle brackets
      (comment / clarification from dreaming) in parentheses
      Abbreviations: DS = dream sign, CH = childhood home, S1/S2 = sons, S/O = someone, S/A = something about, [f] = fragment, b/r = bathroom trip, Wn = waking #n, BT = bedtime, OOB = final out of bed time in morning, DO = Disembodied Observer

      Summary of the Night
      • BT: ~23:57, OOB: ~07:34, fitbit score: 80 (6:49 asleep, 0:54 awake, 1:19 deep, 1:41 REM), 200mg L-theanine, 510mg GABA, 50mg apigenin
      • Wakings:
        1. 01:55 [fb] b/r, no recall
        2. 05:23 [fb], b/r, recall, Failed BTS. Got very relaxed. Several "involuntary breaths". Did MILD on recalled dreams, some relaxing SSILD. At this waking, need to immediately "surrender," "let go," and "pretend I'm asleep". No TYoDaS visualizations for now, too stimulating. Just need to get back to sleep ASAP. Lost my best dreaming cycle, although W2 was actually quite decent compared to recently. L-theanine + GABA may make for better
        3. 07:34 OOB

      W2: Billiard [DS] Performance
      Outdoors, dark/twilight, some wide open space. A performance troupe is putting on a life-sized replay of a world famous billiards match. The actors are encased in person-sized billiard ball costumes and roll around and can bounce off other "ball" actors. Most of the balls are red, I'm looking for other colors. I may see a white. The balls are not perfectly spherical, more egg shaped. There is a strange structure with something suspended from up high, an object (ball actor?) is "shot" suddenly upwards and there is a sharp THWACK or ringing bell sound when it hits what I imagine to be a (slate?) horizontal plate.

      W2: Instrument Performance [DS]: Mozart Concerto
      Several scenes with me unpacking and assembling my instrument. I can't find a place to put my case and to balance my inst. while doing this. I don't want to do this on the floor. I need to soak my mouthpiece. There are a couple additional players: both female. I hear them playing, one of them is reputed to be quite good, she sounds OK. I see the sheet music for the Mozart concerto?

      W2: Mob Bicycle
      There is a group of "mobsters" (?), and a very strange "bicycle" made out of a rectangle of metal tubes (about 2-inch diameter). It is large, about 1 meter high, and two meters long. It has a strange "gear shift" device about 2/3 of the way along the top bar that is like a horizontal combination lock of separately spinning wheels. There are no wheels that I see. I'm trying to get (my son S2?) to ride it. I'm pushing it down a hallway(?) it doesn't seem to roll very well. I'm twisting the "gear/lock" mechanism with both hands.

      W2: Green Guys
      Big group of people indoors. There is a long counter. A group of (four?) identical looking guys, short, wearing green shirts, approach the counter, and begin to sing(?). My son is watching with me(?)

      W2: Problematic Audience
      Inside a lecture hall, I'm standing at the stage/front. The hall is filled with wide tables, like in a convention auditorium. Everything is on one level. There are people seated all along these tables, there are about 5-6 rows of tables and the tables run the width of the room. There's a person seated every couple of feet. I'm thinking about the people there, I see their faces. They all look older/retired. One guy in particular, to the left and in the 2nd row, I think is a known trouble maker. He's looking at me. He has gray hair. He has a sort of mischievous expression. I know that he likes to ask the speaker very challenging questions, to try to throw the speaker off his rhythm.

      Categories
      non-lucid
    2. 2023-07-31 final first fight, roller coaster, archery teacher, woman teases

      by , 07-31-2023 at 03:24 PM

      Legend
      Colors: Lucid, Semi-lucid, Non-lucid
      [comment from waking] in angle brackets
      (comment / clarification from dreaming) in parentheses
      Abbreviations: DS = dream sign, CH = childhood home, S1/S2 = sons, S/O = someone, S/A = something about, [f] = fragment, b/r = bathroom trip, Wn = waking #n, BT = bedtime, OOB = final out of bed time in morning, DO = Disembodied Observer

      Summary of the Night
      • Wakings:
        1. 02:02 b/r no recall,
        2. 04:57, b/r, recall?
        3. 07:04, b/r recall, tried for sleeping until 07:30, ended up sleeping or drifting until 09:00
        4. 09:00 almost no recall
      • BT: ~00:09, OOB: ~09:00, fitbit: 83 (7:48 sleep 1:09 awake, 0:50 REM, 1:39 deep)
      • Recall quality: generally poor, not vivid, little presence
      • I seem to be getting a bit better at falling back asleep, I've had a lot of success this week

      W2: Final Fist Fight
      I'm entering a room indoors, there are 3 guys there, they are my enemies. As I enter the room two of them are securing the door so nobody can get in or out. I say, "So, this is it, eh? OK, let's finish it!" and I immediately put up my fists and assume a boxing position. I'm fighting FrstGrd (WFP). This is a serious fight. We're circling each other. I periodically land some quick jabs: some to his body, and some to his face. [I don't think he ever hit me]. I'm keeping my guard up with my fists in front of my face.

      W2: Archery Teacher
      Outdoors (?) in some large open area, I'm an archery instructor talking to a group of people about archery, the different sorts of bows and arrows (?).

      W3: Roller Coaster
      I'm on a roller coaster at a theme part with son S2. I'm saying something about how there are convenient entrances to this ride at different points in the park. We're getting in to the cars, and I'm reaching back and pulling down the safety harness from behind my head down over my body. It's not clear which train we're getting in to, there are two trains there, facing in opposite directions. We're getting in to the last car of a train.

      W3?: Button down shirt
      I'm (at work?) putting on a button down dress shirt. I think I'll be getting too hot in this shirt.

      W4: Woman teasing
      There is a man who fell unconscious because the woman he loves doesn't love him back. He is lying on his stomach, and this woman is lying perpendicularly across his lower back and facing me. She unbuttons her blouse flashes her boobs at me. I become aroused and think about going behind her and interacting with her.

      W4: Several Brief Fragments
      • outside a building, looking up, through a glass wall [DS] I see a naked woman (vague)
      • a guy is drinking coffee and walking with his boss

      Categories
      non-lucid
    3. 2023-07-28 Dl's at the door, cleaning CH driveway, finding the gate, Eating CD's Cheez-its, ballet

      by , 07-28-2023 at 01:50 PM

      Legend
      Colors: Lucid, Semi-lucid, Non-lucid
      [comment from waking] in angle brackets
      (comment / clarification from dreaming) in parentheses
      Abbreviations: DS = dream sign, CH = childhood home, S1/S2 = sons, S/O = someone, S/A = something about, [f] = fragment, b/r = bathroom trip, Wn = waking #n, BT = bedtime, OOB = final out of bed time in morning

      Summary of the Night
      • Wakings:
        1. 01:30 b/r, no recall
        2. 04:45, no b/r at first, recall, BTS challenge, then did b/r even though urge wasn't strong, removed blanket (bed very warm)
        3. ???? recall
        4. 08:07 recall
      • BT: ~22:55, OOB: ~08:07, fitbit: 91 (8h 5m asleep, 50m awake, 1:48 REM, 1:28 deep)
      • Recall quality: low, not very present, not very detailed or long scenes. Didn't write key words on every waking (particularly the 2nd one?). Ate chips and cookies right before bedtime.

      W2: Dl's at the door
      In house, (someone's at the front door?) I got to the door, grab the handle and give a sudden, fast jerk to open it, in order to surprise whoever's standing there. The Dls (Mk, Rt, old friends of wife E). I'm also walking around with a naked woman, rubbing her (ahem), telling her how much I like it.

      W2: Cleaning CH Driveway
      Standing outside CH on the driveway up to the street. My mom's there, and perhaps my S1 and/or S2. She is directing the cleaning of branches, and telling us to put them into orderly piles off to the side of the driveway where the ivy grows. (Then she says she's going to move the car up to the street?). I see the branches lying around.

      W3: Finding the Gate
      Buying airline tickets, them moving to find the gate. I walk away from the counter and am juggling all my belongings in my hands, it's hard to hold on to them all at once. FrFshr is there and is with me, I see him (putting on sunglasses?) standing in some sort of a booth and call him to follow me. I'm talking to people trying to find the way to the gate for my flight. One person is a woman operating a mimeographing machine making a bunch of copies. (Something to do with my credit card?)

      W3(?): Eating CD's Cheez-its
      Walking outside, suburban streets, (Large tree off to my right?) I'm crossing a road, and thinking while I walk that I need to complete some sort of programming project, and the issue is that I need to something with one IP address in different locations (?), and this is why I'm walking because I need to get to another location. I enter a sort of private walled area (like a plant nursery?), there are people there, then I go farther, and reach a sort of dead-end. (There's a bus here?) (There's a fence?) Then I'm looking at a large collection of crackers, like round Ritz crackers, and square Cheez-its. There are not a lot of Cheez-its, and they're not mine, but belong to ChDw (company "3"), he's not here but I eat them anyway. Then I head back to the "nursery" where I was earlier, and I'm hoping to find a key (to a briefcase?) that I left there earlier, but I have low hopes that it's still there if it's been hanging in public for so long.

      W4: Underwater Ballet
      Pants down in the b/r
      I'm going to the bathroom in a b/r inside a house, and a (housemaid?) comes around the corner into the hallway leading to the b/r, the door is open, I have my pants down, and I decide I should pull them up.
      Ballet
      I'm observing a performance put on my a group of students. 10-12 are performing. Not on a stage, just in a room in a house. It is a sort of dance/ballet performance. The
      "offstage" students and the teachers are standing together immediately just next to the performance area. One of the students is sent in as replacement for a current performer, and then a male student says "I can go in, too!" and he is also sent in as a replacement. Then I'm looking at the performance, and realize that all of a sudden the performance is under water: some of the performers are floating around, and their hair is floating around in in "clouds" like when a person with long hair is under water
      Categories
      non-lucid
    4. 2022-12-24 The Quest For Round Table King Arthur's Supreme, epic non-lucid

      by , 01-01-2023 at 09:13 AM
      BT ~ 00:50

      + boy scouts, there is going to be only 3 of us for pre-week including me. I think this won't be enough people to get all the required work done

      05:20, or 06:20?

      + [epic, long, vivid] The Quest for Round Table (RT) King Arthur Supreme Pizza (KAS)

      [This is the best commercial chain pizza I've ever had, it's amazingly good, and even better than most specialty restaurant pizzas.]



      Enter club, tons of people, bouncer intercepts me (not open to public? not serving drinks?) directs me to back room.
      Back room, seated at desks and handcuffed to them (feet? day residue "Catch Me If You Can")
      There is a (promotional?) presentation under way and the promise is that there will be pizza (RTKAS)
      The pizza arrives and it's crap: it looks like a large souffle very doughy with large chunks of ham, I think "bait and switch!", someone gets keys and several of us take off the cuffs and leave.
      --------------------
      "I am the Christ, I am the ...., I am the ..." large wheel super heavy wooden doors kung-fu trap? Cult with leader? Only the leader can solve the puzzle and leave, it involves manipulating some controls and running to the very heavy doors and making it out in time, only the leader is strong enough to open the doors? I open them anyway and go out
      --------------------
      I approach a building, like a store/restaurant in a mall, I see the Round Table sign so I go in. There are pinball tables and guys playing and I think about playing too. The place has glass walls/windows [DS]. There are people sitting around at tables, I approach the counter there is a horizontal line of people waiting at the counter. I wait for my turn. As I'm waiting I notice that there are chicken satay skewers for sale displayed on the counter, I think about getting some. As I'm waiting I see them serving a spinach salad, the spinach is green and leafy, as the woman carries the plate to the counter a leaf falls off the plate, and she picks it up from the ground (ugh) and puts it back on the plate. When my turn comes I order the KAS, they say they don't have it. I complain and say they should have it. The woman to my right in line produces a menu and speaks (gibberish? Something in Indian?) and is showing that they do not have pizza it is an Indian restaurant. I'm angry and I take the manager outside with me to show him the "Round Table" sign to prove that it's a pizza place. I'm walking around the store from all sides but I can no longer see the sign.
      -----------------------
      I'm indoors, inside a green cement bunker/dungeon-like labyrinth of corridors hallways and stairways, I think this is an underground university campus. There are women (nuns?) walking through the corridors. I come to an area that opens to the outside and there is a line of slate there in a part of the structure, I think they're using slate because it has a property of keeping in the heat.
      ------------------------
      Walking through a mall I arrive to the large open indoor food court at the other side. It takes a long time to walk there I think. It's very fancy with high ceilings and glass ceiling/walls [DS], very open and airy and light, there are food counters all around and featuring a lot of Mexican food: tacos, etc. I move towards the pizza ordering counter, and I see in the hallway beyond the room I'm going through a very large, muscle-y man, no shirt on, big bumpy muscles, he's very aggressive and he's attacking people there in the hallway, bothering people who want to order. I don't want to deal with him. I get to the counter and place my order but I look at the receipt and it's going to take at least 2 hours and I don't want to wait that long
      -----------------------------
      Outdoors, driving in a car? I think about ordering RT KAS for delivery to my hotel. I wonder what will happen if the pizza arrives to the hotel before I get there, that may be an issue. I call and am placing the order but I can't remember the address of my hotel. I think I say it's name.
      -----------------------------
      Sitting in a restaurant with sons S1, S2. We're at a table, behind my back is the fairly large, open kitchen/service area behind a square counter that runs around the length of the area separating it from the seating area. I'm turning around and glancing at the workers there, they are very odd looking, and I mention this to S1, S2. "They're all weird, just look at them!" Some are small, some have strangely sized heads. [Like the back room post office scene in MIB 2]. A group of young punks with rainbow colored clown hair sit at our table, I think my sons will be making racial remarks about them, the guy across from me is sweating, and I feel that he is anticipating some bad remark
      Categories
      memorable , non-lucid
    5. 2022-12-02 comp night #1

      by , 12-02-2022 at 09:13 AM
      Competition night #1
      2022-12-02 [morning of]

      earliest:

      Key:
      + [f] = fragment
      + = dream
      [true] [false] memory notes, true or false
      [DS] = dream sign
      (?) = unsure about some detail
      [vivid, etc] = notes about dream quality
      CH = Childhood Home and surrounding neighborhood

      Bedtime ~ 00:00 2022-12-02

      ~ 02:20 am

      + [f] Outdoors in a courtyard, daylight, some spare buildings around, there's a conversation about driving

      early:

      + [long, fairly vivid, weak awareness] Sniper game in CH [DS]. Team based gun/rifle combat game based around CH. There is a sniper set up in a tree in the neighboring home. I'm very carefully trying to circle around on the street outside to the right, I encounter several enemies. I return to the CH base and pick up a long sniper-style rifle from the armory and return back to the street, and shoot the enemies with my rifle. Head shots, body shots, several different enemies. The bullets move very slowly and I have to continue aiming with my rifle at the desired target spot on their bodies while the bullet is stil in flight. I continue to lie low and make a very large circle to the right. I end up moving through city urban areas and inside businesses, one is a restaurant with a lot of people who are all hostile to me and my team, I try to quickly exit through a back door which is locked.

      Outside at night I see a 2-3 story house with lots of angles on the roof, covered in snow, and I see my dog F walking around on the roof.

      I'm with wife L and there are some magazine/large booklets (thick) with objectionable material [DS]. I'm trying to move them/bury them so that they are not discovered.

      + I'm with my mom in her bedroom in CH sitting on the bed working with an automated computer reading / translation program, it's very convenient because it automatically highlights words which you don't know and displays them on the screen with the meaning. I comment to her how convenient this is, what a neat program. I'm continuing to try to hide the magazines from her, I'm shuffling them under other things to keep them hidden. I stand up and then return and see that the entire bed has been unmade with the blankets all piled up, I'm worried the magazines were discovered, I can't find them. I can't remember if I stuffed them in a drawer or not.

      Outside daylight, walking in the middle of the street with cars driving around me, I'm standing waiting at red lights, cars are passing me on my right. Pass a house where Mark Rippetoe from Starting Strength is holding a big BBQ in his garabge. Lots of people, huge industrial sized grills, and the steaks are huge and thick, each one about 2 square feet in size, there are about 20 of them packed closely together on the grills. There is a narrated comment "nobody justifies the contents of the magazines."

      [~ 6am, WBTB, short MILD and setting intent to get lucid in dreams]
      [looong BTS, takes lots of relaxation, throat lotus visualization]

      later:

      + At work at company B [true past company] [DS], I'm concerned that I'm not coming to work enough [DS], we're going to lunch, colleague AfMn is there but I don't want him to see me(?) we walk down the building's stairwell, and I see a heap of clothing at the bottom of the stairs, and I'm trying to determine if there is a person in there or not. It's very bulky like a fireman's uniform. Don't see a person/body in side. Outdoors I'm waiting by the car, and I see Stef.Pod. [company R] doing a forwards shuffling moon-walk nearby, then he becomes uni friend FrGrd as he approaches the car.

      I walk to my boat [false] which is moored in the city in a large open but covered space. The boat is completely open and I'm worried that random bums might sleep in it or mess with/ruin it. I look around a bit and do not see anybody. The back section has a roof and hatches that can be slid into a closed position, and I do this, sliding the hatches closed.

      final:

      + Inside with two girls. The question is which one of us one girl will be with. She goes outside. I decide to go after her and make a pass. I'm naked at "at attention" and I run outside with everything waving in the breeze. She looks at me and runs back inside [haha], she wants to be with the other girl.

      + [f] sitting around a table (with a flower arrangement on it?), the theme is that our jobs are protected

      [several more late dreams/frags, forgotten]

      final waking 10:12 am
      Categories
      non-lucid
    6. 2022-10-26 some scenes, had to delve for them

      by , 10-26-2022 at 06:55 AM
      BT ~22:45
      final waking: ~05:30
      out of bed ~06:30

      No recall instantly on my mind, it took some delving/digging, but the memories then came

      + arrive at an orchestra rehearsal late, other players wonder why I've come at all because my part is really boring, just holding a bunch of whole notes

      + my [deceased 1st] wife is playing <instrument related to mine> in the orchestra, she's young and attractive, she's sitting in her spot in the orchestra group and is holding the instrument in her hand. I think how these instruments are closely related and one person who plays one can at least get a sound out of the other

      + flood on the bathroom floor. I'm looking down and at the intersection of the floor and wall I see a large amount of water, and a bunched up pile of rubber gasket. This was a deva vu as I'm pretty sure I saw the same scene earlier in the night. This time I reach down and pull out the rubber gasket, which unblocks thet water and it seeps into the floor. I think this is also bad as the water in the floor will still damage the house. I'm looking down the row of where the water was before and see (white PVC pipes?)

      + Yogurt/burger joint. I'm standing at the counter of an increasingly crowded frozen yogurt place where you can also order burgers. I'm waiting for my chance to order from the worker and more and more people arrive, some of which stand in front of me, and I say "there's a line!" Some people are ordering burgers. I consider doing that but think that that will take longer. I eventually get my frozen yogurt (white/vanilla) and take it to a table. I see all the gaming (pool) tables all around me are occupied, then I notice that my table is a tiny/toy version, and I think my [current] wife will not be impressed with this toy version of the game. Then I'm playing a sort of fantasy hockey game with a lot of very colorful moving pieces, and where the rules are that I have to keep bringing back my puck back over the half-way line before moving it back into the opponent side. I take a number of shots on the goal. I recall a shiny purple color. [to be continued]
      [continued] My wife arrives. Then a guy comes up to our table and wants to take some chairs. He's very aggressive. I think my wife doesn't want me to give him anything, but I decide that it's better to give him a couple chairs. "here, you can take these two, we're not using them" I say, look down, and see that actually our stuff (backpacks/coats) are draped over them.

      + [earlier, vague] with a bunch of guys who are aggressive towards homosexuals, including signs that read "no effeminate sitting [on the toilet]"

      + View a team of young people standing under a canopy about 40 yards away, they are working on a solution to some problem. then one of the team members is standing fairly close to me, I think I may recognize him
      Categories
      non-lucid
    7. 2022-08-03 sea of cubes, break in fight, office meeting, L spreads for the rude man to

      by , 08-03-2022 at 10:51 AM
      23:30 ?
      06:30

      + [vague, fake?] coding program on computer

      + meet Dana(?) in sea of cubes at CS department, walk through them, see really fat guy in cube on computer with others

      + break in in Mart. apt.: I'm in my room in Mart. in R., and I see a bunch of my little trinkets lined up on the window sill, the window is partially opened. I pull some of them back (?) away from the window because I think someone may try to take them from the outside. A gang of hoodlums comes up to the window, climbs up on the wall outside the window, pull open the window, and enter my room. I scream at them "Get out of here! This is my place!" but they don't leave. I soon am fighting one or two of them, it's a vicious battle. I imagine I have a knife and cut the back of the neck of one of them. In the hallway outside the room on top of a tall cabinet one of them is bandaged and resting(?).
      [forgotten portion]. Outdoors, on the city streets, evening/dark lighting [DS!] I'm returning to my apartment, jogging through the streets. I pass a street vendor display table of sweets, like crunchy bizets, I think for a second, then pick a small piece up and start eating it and keep on running. Out of the corner of my eyes to my right I see the vendor (a woman?) tsk-tsking this bad behavior. I feel bad and stop and pay for what I ate (40 coins?), giving the explanation that "I was attacked earlier!" The vendor makes some response to this.

      + arrive to an office in morning, it is a sea of cubes [DS], say "good morning" (in English and F.L.) to many people as I walk through the hallways between the cubes, turning left and right at times. There is a woman who was waiting for me, saying I'm 30 minutes late. I'm teaching a class? I arrive at cube, it's full of students, some of which are sitting in the next cube but I can see them through the cube wall somehow (like it's partially transparent).

      + Standing outside a bathroom in a hallway with L. One guy enters the bathroom and I see he sits down to do his business, there are not stalls or doors, it's a fairly large room and he is sitting on the far wall way from the door. Then another guy enters the bathroom, the first guy complains, but the new guy is the owner of this bathroom so he's going to do what he wants to do, he sits on a toilet just to the left of the door, quite close by. I want to close the door so L (who has a very sensitive sense of smell) will not smell the results of their activities there.

      Then I'm sitting with L at a table (long picnic-style table? [DS]) , across from us is the rude man who owned the bathroom. He's bothering L. He sticks his finger into L's shoulder and sort of rubs it in. L pokes him back in the shoulder in the same way. I tell him very angrily and forcefully "DON'T TOUCH MY WIFE!!" when I say this, I get a sense of satisfaction from L, like she really likes it that I'm standing up for her like that. (She?) says she may be pregnant (from his finger poke?), and gets up naked (bottomless at least) on the table right in front of the rude guy and widely spreads her legs. She's doing this to mess with the guy. I'm shocked by this and say "good god, L, what are you doing!?" The guy fishes around in her <ahem> for a few seconds and pulls out something, some small cardboard object.

      I'm arriving to a room with L and some other people there, the rude man is now a wise judge, and the group is telling him about different kinds of reality checks you can do.
      Categories
      non-lucid
    8. 2022-08-01 [vivid] very emotional mtg deceased wife; visiting the hood; garden; pillows; insomnia

      by , 08-01-2022 at 07:55 AM
      bedtime: 22:20

      Probably my most emotional, direct, confrontational encounter with my deceased wife these many years after her passing.
      I've had many dreams where she "returns" as if from a business trip, and I'm already with my new wife (usually before we were married), and I have a huge dilemma about whom I will stay with. But this time I remembered...

      ~ 03:555

      + [vivid] I'm driving in a car with my 1st [deceased] wife. She's in the driver's seat driving the car, I'm sitting in the right hand side of the back seat. We are not in good relations, she's upset with me, like our relationship is ruined. Music is playing, and a Billy Joel song begins (seems like "Rosalinda's eyes", the musical climax portion of the chorus), it was "our song" [false, that was Natalie Cole songs], and my wife becomes emotional and says she still loves me. (She cries? I cry?) I reach out and stroke her shoulder to comfort her.

      I'm standing outside in the sunlight in an open area. I look at my hands [I've been working on "I find/see my hands in dreams and realize I'm dreaming"], both of my [true in waking] rings are in place [First time that's happened!], the silver one and the wedding ring, one each on their proper hands ring fingers. I realize I'm married to my new wife now. It's the [familiar] dilemma -- what shall I do? I have no intention of leaving my new wife. I decide to remove my wedding ring for the meanwhile to hide it from my 1st wife. I'm a bit concerned about losing it rolling around loose in my pocket. I notice that the ring has left very noticeable impressions on my ring finger, from the protrusions it has on the inside face [false, this is day residue from viewing pictures of the Oura sleep tracking ring in the day, which has electronics on the inner side of the ring]. I think she still may see these markings and suspect something, I rub my finger where the ring sat in hopes that they'll smooth out and become not so visible.

      My first wife is consulting a lawyer about a divorce. She is reviewing some papers and reading some excerpts from them.

      I'm thinking about what I can do -- I'm married to two women at the same time. This is bigamy and I know it's against the law. I could end up in prison for 10 years. This has me very upset. I'm thinking and thinking what to do. I get the feeling that the marriage to my 1st wife should be annullable for some reason. This thought sticks with me. Then I get the notion that the first marriage ended because she died, so we're not married any more.

      Inside our home. I walk into the boys's room and I see that on their computer screen they're looking at with some colorful image (some game) instead of working on the assignment they're supposed to be working on.

      Inside our CA home, we're there with our two young sons (5-7 yrs aged in the dream). I tell her the truth: "You're dead, you died from cancer several years ago." She moves (sort of aggressively/possessively) towards my two sons (me and my sons are standing with our backs against a wall?), and I intervene myself between them to keep her from scaring them. She seems to realize the truth and she backs off. She knows she has to go.

      In any amazingly touching moment, my younger son reaches up to a bulletin board on the wall in front of us where some of their children's artwork are displayed, and takes down one of his works, and gives it to her so she can have it with her for comfort for all eternity.

      In our final confrontation, my wife and I we are standing facing each other, close, looking in to each other's eyes. She asks me: "Do you think there is life after death? Or do we just disappear into the Chaos?" I say "oh, you can still come and visit from time to time," trying to comfort her. She seems very doubtful, and (maybe says) "really?" (in a very doubtful voice). Then her eyes begin to change: there are (spirals? Like little galaxies) in the center, then they start to flash to pure white (no pupil no irirs) back and forth to the spiral eyes, and eventually remain all white, very freaky/dead looking.

      I wake up, I'm really shaken and have all-body goose bumps. I get the feeling this was a really significant dream and perhaps a real visitation.
      I spend some time fixing the key moments from the dream to memory.

      It takes a long time to calm down, eventually I sleep more and dream some more....

      + in the hood: I'm visiting some people inside their house. Outside the window across the street a large force of (police?) are gathering, they are all armed and I can see the pistols in their hands. They're preparing to storm the house directly across the street. There is a window in that house across, it is dark but with some blue and red lights (like neon lights or LED lights). I think this is not a safe place for us to be, I say "hey everybody, let's move farther inside the house," I don't want us to be hit by any stray bullets.

      (This family I'm visiting is African American?)

      One of the family members (a woman) is sitting in a doorway and is holding a small pistol in her hand. I move a bit back from her.

      +[f] some short scenes:

      I pick up my two arm support pillows and am walking with them to some other room, I'm looking at them and asking someone, "are these my pillows?"

      Some woman is talking to me about what I need to do at work. I'm taking a business trip? I know I need to be up at 7, I think the jet lag from the trip will really mess up my new sleep timing and I'll miss more sleep.

      There are some people outside, there is a corridor/walking below me. On the left are some gym-style exercise machines (some people are using them?). I think there is a lat training machine there, and that I should use it.

      Some woman is inside a large indoor area like a greenhouse, she is tending to things embedded in the floor. It's some sort of (sexual?) performance art / entertainment area, where customers will come later. The woman then prepares to be a customer (?), and along the edge is a bunch of "living" greenery that transforms, and part of it becomes adult male genitalia with curly pubic hair.

      Drifting in an out of sleep, trying to rest, alarm goes off at 07:00
      Categories
      non-lucid , nightmare , memorable
    9. 2022-07-25 dragons blocking parking garage, weird "motorcycle", video game, work buffet and meeting

      by , 07-25-2022 at 12:02 PM
      23:49 bedtime
      08:50 final waking

      long BTS after 6am shock wake from wife's crying out in nightmare

      3-4 major periods of dreams

      first waking (time unsure?)

      + really looking closely at a large, triangular (two triangular faces that meet in an angle in the front), "motorcycle" ( / airplane / house/thing). I'm inspecting the grills and features it has. I think about how it takes off and lands

      + [mostly forgotten] (young?) people in a classroom setting in rows of desks

      middle waking (shock awake?)

      + dragons are blocking the parking garage entrance. Some huge/really powerful scary dragons have settled in front of an underground parking garage entrance. I'm given the task of getting them to move out of the way. I approach from ground level a bit to the right of the entrance. At first there is one dragon but as I approach I see there are at least two more. They are large and very menacing. One is to my left of the main big one blocking the entrance, and I see its head with very long sharp teeth, it looks like a mix between a dragon head and a T-rex head. I'm really quite nervous, and I'm thinking that I need to be very very polite as I address the dragons trying to convince them to move.

      + flying the fighter jet. I'm following a leader jet. I'm not sure if I should follow using instrumentation or just visuals. The leader is making a lot of maneuvers, (down below me?) I don't follow them all. I decide to follow visually, I see the bright blue engine glow from his jet and plan just to follow using that visual. There was a narrative (voice over?) that the leaders trust me with the plane because I'm older (and less impulsive?).

      Visual of a very large triangular Soviet-style fighter or ship, it has an open deck with a lot of tables with instruments/circuitry on them.

      + video game [DO] top-down fuzzy/vague view of the top of a tower where players of a game are battling, the experienced players are easily pushing the newbies off of the top of the tower and getting a lot of points doing this. I manipulate some vague controls and manage to push a few of the better players off. (I fall off the top of the tower, but manage to grab on to a lower level ledge as I'm falling by and say "hey look I made it do this level."

      + buffet at work. Walking along a work lunch buffet, filling my plate, the piles of food are so high that it's hard to take a serving without toppling the pile. I realize I've missed waffles (with bacon?) so I go back and get a waffle (it's hard to take one without upsetting the pile).

      Farther along there is a meeting about to be held. I think Chr Ch. (company "3", "B", "N") is there at the podium along with someone else, there are a lot of chairs laid out in an assembly format (rows).


      last waking:

      + S1's birthday in PTL home. In kitchen with S1. We're celebrating and I say/think "Yeah! Let's get some beers!" There is an elevated (2nd floor?) separate room I see from ground floor, I see/think it is filled with graffiti written on the inside walls. I say "we have to make sure that we lock the windows" [DS] or "that the windows can lock." S1 says that he thinks that this is not possible because of a hole through which people can open the window mechanism.
      A car in the distance is backing up with red/blue police backup lights, I think this is S2 going off to (7-11?) to get (some beer?).
      Something gets spilled up onto a vaulted ceiling?

      + talking to guy about <my instrument> vs. trombone embouchure, he's making circular "sea anemone" style round lips and I'm showing him how mine is more of an overbite, I use both my lips and my hand to show the position of my jaw. Other than hand (HAND VISUAL) I have no body awareness, he's standing about 2 meters away.
      Categories
      non-lucid
    10. 2020-07-21

      by , 07-21-2022 at 04:06 PM
      Early, fairly weak recall, just a few short scenes. Very tired from day practice, need to dial it back a bit. No sleep after 5 hr waking, missed the best recall periods, darn.
      Woke with nothing at first, but a bit of delving resulted in the following -- so sort of a success!

      bedtime ~ 23:45
      waking about 05:00
      room kind of hot and stuffy, turned on fan
      Starting to think of waking life issues despite trying to put them off for later in the dah
      still not sleeping or making progress towards sleep at about 05:20-:30, so got out of bed to sit in other room for about 30-45 mins, came back to bed a bit tired and the room is cooler so the bed is comfortable, but can't fall asleep

      got up around 07:20

      + inside corridors, trying to sneak past robots?

      + entering (passing through) some large (outdoors?) competition grounds with lots of ushers/guards, I boldly strut right past entrance posts like I belong here, if they stop me I plan to say "I just to measure something"

      + outdoors looking at distant vistas, there's a castle/tower in the distance where I think they can (already have?) shot at this place where I am

      + outdoors, on a road (chute/slide?), need to get past the guard stations

      + image of some guy who has managed to tape a large pile of thick scotch packing tape in a sloping line across his lower back and up to his right shoulder, I think this was a very difficult taping job

      + ideal (no visuals?) of going for tacos with Mond. Sal. from T5
      Categories
      non-lucid
    11. 2022-06-17 LDD #266 dancing stars, Losing L, glass house, fire room/vodka perv, bus/music

      by , 06-17-2022 at 06:12 AM
      + losing L
      Some sort of business proposition (with L?) about ambulances, I don't understand and ask for clarification.
      There is a business meeting on an open field outside in twilight with a large group of women. They're all very positive about it, and I'm impressed at the swift level of approval of our idea. To my right on the grass I see some lines of what I believe is wiped/scuffed dog crap (it's brown and the right texture).

      I have a new romantic object and I'm really torn about what to do about L. I'm planning to leave L for the risky new romance. I think it's not fair to L. I speak with her and tell her that I need to move on. I think I'm taking a huge risk, I really love L and don't want to lose her. In a large auditorium [DS] for a talk/presentation/show, standing among the seats in the center, then I move (with L) to and aisle on the left hand central side, and an usher comes up and tells us to clear the aisle. I get annoyed and point back to where I was and say that I already had a seat. I look around and see that the seats have filled up where we previously were and all through the auditorium, and the only free spots are in the extreme corners/edges. I see a string of free seats near me and head into them with L, moving from the left central aisle towards the center of the auditorium. I see that JaCon (T5) is seated there, so I go up to him and L and I sit down, JC is on my right and L is to my left. I wonder about how to introduce L: my former love? my friend? I decide to say "JC, this is Lena, Lena, this is JC, my friend from T5. She externs her hand across me under my ams on the arm rests to shake JC's hand. I take her hand in mine after that, and I'm deeply saddened by the fact that I won't be able to take her hand in the future.

      I'm adjusting some written materials now that L and I are breaking up. I'm looking at my signature close up on paper. I recognize the first letter of my first name written in cursive but it is still strange and not quite from the alphabet. It's written in blue/green. I read then my last name in a stylized script font, very clear and regular shapes like on a computer. This is not my handwriting. I realize that it was written this way specifically to be highly legible.

      + glass house
      There is a glass house on a hill, someone breaks in there is tons of broken glass everywhere, there is a (glass?) dog lying on the ground a bit away from the house, covered with sequins that gets covered by the sharp shards of glass. I start to clear away the glass from the dog, it's owner (woman?) approaches

      later:
      + bus/music
      Seated on a bus (left-hand side near the front, where I used to site in Jr High) with a girl putting together a [my instrument]. I'm using a bottom piece from a professional player, mixing and matching pieces to build up an instrument. The player and an older woman (organizer?) are there, standing in the aisle to my right. The (woman?) recognizes me as a (normal and bass version of my instrument) player, and I acknowledge that yes, I play both. The player takes back his borrowed bottom piece saying I don't need it, I think I do but then realize I don't and say I could just play the bass version while the girl could play the normal version.

      + LDD #266 LD DILD DDILD
      stairway stars lucid man hat take me to group goose girl take her hand continue walking dream fades
      repeat non-lucid ask man take me to group, enter auditorium [DS], from right side (facing stage), go to left side (or am just there), undress girl (many layers of pants!), ushers come and kick us both out, heavy makeup, I remove her makeup and we sneak back inside the auditorium

      Climbing a stairway outside evening softer light, looking up into the sky above bare trees at the top of the staircase. Around the moon I notice a shifting / dancing pattern of bright little solid yellow "pentagram" 5-point shaped stars. They're fading in and out, becoming fuzzy/vague, then returning to clarity. Especially when they rotate in a circle that really gets my attention, I recognize that as a dream sign, and do a nose pinch, I can breathe, now I'm lucid. I walk up to the top of the stairs, there are people walking buy, I grab the arm of a man with a straw hat and tell him to take me to a large group of people, and I add that I know that they are nearby (so as not to waste time). I begin walking on a path to the right. An attractive young woman (short brunette hair) comes along and I reach out and give her a squeeze but don't want to get too engrossed, so I just take her right hand and turn to the right and continue walking along the path with her, happy, looking around at the detail, and the dream fades...


      I then repeat this plot non-lucidly (not a pure replay the visuals are different): I find a man and task him to take me to a large group of people. I enter an auditorium [DS] from the back right (facing stage). I find a young woman and begin pulling down her pants: there is layer after layer of pants and when I think I finally have reached the last one and expect to see her [ahem], there is nothing really to see. An usher comes and shoo's us out of the auditorium out of a left-side exit. The young woman's face is very heavily made up with colorful makeup. I clean off her face and then want to sneak back in to the auditorium past a security turnstyle, hoping that we won't be recognized.

      + fire room
      In a medium-sized room in a house, combined bedroom (left) living room (right). In the living room there is a fireplace with an automated fire system. I'm watching it mesmerized by its changing form and function. It has wheels and gears and metal bars/lines that move and shape change. There is fire spewing out of the open pipes. It's shaped in rectangles and a spinning circle in the middle. I think that this could be dangerous for us in the room. The fireplace changes into a flamethrower shooting a stream/column of fire into the room, sweeping the room from corner to corner, I think there's no way to escape.

      SphGrv is there lying on the bed on the left side, with her brother(?). She is lying in an provocative post and I think I catch a glimpse of a portion of her [ahem]. I wonder if she would like it if I went over there and engaged with her?

      Then she and others are on a central bed. There is an old fat perv guy trying to get her and the women drunk on vodka. He is pouring them huge glasses of the stuff, I can't believe the amount, it must be like 100ml or more, even for SG. SG takes the glass but does not drink, I can see she clearly does not want to. The man himself has poured and is drinking bourbon. He's encouraging her to drink. I'm talking to him, asking him about what kind of bourbon he has. He responds gruffly not wanting to share, (that it would spoil his taste?), I reply I don't want to drink it, I just wanted to know what it was. Later I get SG aside and tell her I'm really glad she avoided drinking the vodka.

      +[f] Someone at my pepper! It was growing on a plant [waking life true!] I was nursing along, and someone picked it without my permission!

      By the way this is my 800th DJ entry on DV!
      Categories
      non-lucid , memorable
    12. 2022-06-16

      by , 06-16-2022 at 08:03 AM
      + escape the firestorm from CH, bank cards, passports
      I'm in CH and I (hear explosions?) and I see a massive firestorm approaching up the hill towards the house. There is no time to take any belongings, I must escape immediately. I run out of the house and higher up in to the hills, hoping that the higher ground will be safe. Walking far away from CH along GPB

      + See CrLe (WFP)'s workspace with a pile of TTL chip boards

      +[f] going somewhere in a large van with a group, I'm in the back seat with tons of room in front of me before the front seats

      later:
      + in a group (at work? seems like a relaxed social situation), we're going out to celebrate my and (my sons? colleague?) birthday together. I'm 40 and he's 25. [Deceased] wife EW makes funny comment about what about when I'm 80?

      +[f] sitting (at desk?) Indian coworker AS ("S") comes up and leans over my garbage can to my left (near my head), I think he's spitting out my gum

      final:
      + sitting along the banks of a river, shallow completely transparent water [DS], some young boy is playing in the water near the shore, he's submerged and holding himself in place against the current with his hands. Then I see a sort of padded construction (like the face rest on a massage table) in front of him that I think allows him to stay in place by letting the current press his face against the pad, this frees his hands. I note my younger son S2 is sitting in the highest position on the steeply sloping bank (eating lunch?), sitting higher up than any other the other people around us. I (write?) a note on white paper and take it in to the river with older son S2, I want to show it to him, I'm closer to the center of the river than the earlier mentioned boy, and position myself alongside him, son S2 is with me and I open up the paper and I want S2 to read it.
      Categories
      non-lucid
    13. 2022-06-15 almost LD

      by , 06-15-2022 at 06:05 AM
      Earlier dreams: vague, forgotten, something with my two kids in their younger years, in a place, something to do with their clothing?

      next to last waking, tried a brief Raduga-style DEILD entrance disassociation, didn't work so went back to sleep with the intent to get lucid.

      + in St. house (central valley) of cousins, key moments:

      my (deceased wife EW?) tells me she wants to show me something (?), if I wanted to follow and see, I say yes, I go and in the next room a guy (who lives there?) presents me with a basket of odd berries. It's a fairly large basket, the color is dark blue almost black like blueberries, and they are shaped like flat triangles or little hat shapes. Some of them are wet, and there are little berry-sized dark blue woolen caps in the basket, I notice this and mention it.

      go out front door to entrance area there are two suitcases there I want to bring them in to avoid them being stolen as this covered porch area only has a flimsy screen door protecting it, and I'm wondering about crime in the St. area. It's very hot outside and I don't want to spend a long time outside so as not to let out all the cool air inside the main house from the A/C. In the background I hear the A/C running. Looking at the screen door on the main door to the house, I see it's bent in a number of places with large gaps between the screen and the door frame. It's Sunday and I think my cousin and her husband will probably be going to church, I'm not sure though, I wonder if they'll ask me to come.

      inside the house I walk by a door next to a window and I see that a distant laser turret is firing at the door (part of a game I decide?). The laser blast hits the door with a weak "splat" and slightly opens the door by an inch or so. I watch through the window as a couple more laser shots arrive and hit the door. They're orange colored bolts.

      I'm explaining to my hosts (young/early middle aged), a woman and man, about the game: that there's a target like a darts target (like the one there hanging on your wall over there, I point out) hanging on the inside of the door, and the turret is firing at it.

      The woman is asking me about my (dream?) experiences with those older women, I "remember" them being grandmother aged and completely not a romantic interest and say so. The woman comes up to me (I'm lying on the carpet at this point) and wraps a paper darts target around my feet and binds it to me with tape. I tell her "you realize that by reinforcing my dream subjects like this [with me here being awake], it will likely promote having a lucid dream!" At this point (or just after the nose pinch) Sensei walks by and into the next room and makes a comment like "I'm not going to let positive expectation rule my life." I disagree with him, I think that's not at all what LDing is about. I decide to nose pinch since the subject of dreaming has come up an awful lot in the last few moments, and I get a very firm grasp and still a bit of air leaks, so I keep grasping harder and harder until no air moves at all. I also think that I could try levitating since my legs are bound and I'm lying on the floor.

      .... Then I awake and realize I've just missed a chance for an LD!
      Categories
      non-lucid
    14. 2022-02-08 trip to (Caracas?); basketball at TV park

      by , 02-08-2022 at 07:08 AM
      bedtime: 22:30, 2mg (6mg? two pills in any case) melatonin. Yay, success at a good bedtime
      final waking: ~07:45, out of bed 08:00

      + (f, vague) something about food? At a restaurant?

      + [trip to Caracas, long, fairly vivid] in the plane, talking with pilot, glance back look at his "cockpit" (where are the instruments? they must be behind the partition). Pilot makes a number of maneuvers, some manually, some are programmed on autopilot, including a sweeping very steep bank turn. Come in to landing, I get out my camera to film it, there's another guy/passenger in the cockpit too. I'm watching the scenery, my camera is shining a very bright "hi-beam" on to the landscape and I'm trying to disable this. Scenery is blocky, triangular. Water scenes, like in a canyon, or flying low over a river in a wide river valley.

      Registration: approaching registration, I think that everything in this country will be in Spanish. in line at the registration, it comes out that because of some mistake, we'll have to each pay about $2500 for the stay. I'm a bit confused about the currency and if I have enough to make that dollar amount. I reach for my wallet in my left rear pocket (hoping that it's there) and I do pull it out. I have both foreign and dollar bills there.

      Going to the rooms with a (female?) guide, our group is one of the last and the sleeping areas are already mostly taken. Our group heads along a corridor (no ceiling? outside?) into finally an area with open bunks that can be our place. Our group's program consists of 3 activities, [2 forgotten], X, Y, and handball. Good, I love court sports like that. I think a bit about the possible damage to the hands in energetic handball. We're heading to the courts with our guide when some pranksters on the floor above squirt water down on our group.

      + basketball at TV park. Arriving to the park, it's Sunday, I think the weekly "grown-ups" game may happen today. Get to the lowest, basketball level, there are people already warming up on the main central two courts. I think they may ask me to play, and I wonder if I have the stamina for a full-court game, think about running back and forth and getting very tired and sweaty (I don't have a change of clothes with me?). By the tall fence at the far court hoop, there is a small purple "basketball" (about 1/2 to 3/4 the size of a volleyball) on the ground and I reach to pick it up. Several times it slips through my fingers and I can't pick it up [DS]. It is sitting on another deflated purple ball that I think may be getting in the way. I take a strong grasp of the inflated ball and pick it up. It is super heavy. Like, medicine ball heavy, and I think this is a medicine ball for strength practice. I'm standing to the right of the hoop about 10 feet away diagonally a bit and take a shot, putting a lot of strength into the shot because the ball is so heavy, but I don't make a hoop (and it falls short?). I go to the short hoop to the right of where I am, (by the bike rack), and there is ChCh (and some girl?). We talk about the event that is the continuation of the Caracas camp, I ask about information about it since I don't remember getting it, and ChCh says that there were fliers at the registration desk at the Caracas site.
      Categories
      non-lucid
    15. 2022-02-06 roadway, bridge over blue water

      by , 02-06-2022 at 07:10 AM
      bedtime about 0:30 -- too late, need to fix schedule!

      get up: 08:30

      + [DO] flying over and along a roadway that is under construction: mostly rough gravel with transitions between sections. I'm concerned about the smoothness of the road. There's a section over a riverbed that is particularly rough and wavy, I see sort of a bridge structure underneath the road. I'm touching my hand down to the road as I fly over it to smooth it out (?).

      + On a large open "erector set" structure over a large body of clear blue water. Go over the side and want to jump but am concerned about objects in the water, so I lower myself down as far as I can before jumping down in to the water so I don't hit anything. There's an object floating on the water nearby and I want to make sure I miss it. The water is a Caribbean clear blue. There are some others I know in the section next to me. Up on top of the trellis structure (from which i jumped) there are "rooms," and I want to move to a farther room so that (I won't be disturbed?). Those two others (guy and a girl) move on to the roadway. There is some idea about physical injury not being real? A (woman?) is driving a car right at them and at the last minute the guy&girl roll out of the way to avoid being hit because they realize there would be lasting consequences, while the driver thought there wouldn't be.
      Categories
      non-lucid
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