I'm glad you're taking action and finding answers, but there was just a little thing I saw in regards to friends and relationships in your post. Humans are social creatures by nature, and I find that whenever somebody (or myself) lacks social interaction for a while, the person or I can get down in the dumps. Often times I can think of other reasons for why I may be depressed or sad, but often times I can trace it back to me not being social enough. As of recently, I've been lucky enough to come across a great group of friends, and they've really lifted my spirits and given me "reason to live". They aren't perfect and have many bad traits, however, and the same can also be applied to me, yet we still stay strong. You mention later in your post that you may be lacking effort, and I feel that with any relationship, it takes a ton of effort for it to flourish.

Social interaction as a cure for those periods of sheer emptiness we often times go through isn't an absolute truth, some people enjoy being alone and that is perfectly fine, but I find that it can help most the time. With everything in life however, if you want it to be good, you usually have to work at it and put effort into it. So you may have actually put effort into forming relationships and just lucked out with some crappy people, but if you haven't, I highly recommend going about with the relationships in your life as something that requires work for them to be good, and the results are definitely worth it. If you simply aren't the social type, rock out that violin man and everything else you put your mind to. Also, on a little side note, your post has helped me out a bit too, as I have realized that there are areas in my life that are lacking effort where it is very much needed.

Thanks for the post, and although I've deviated a bit from the original post, I would say that all the relationships I have in life keep me alive. I feel as if I have an obligation not to die due to all the grief it would cause (that may sound a bit self righteous )