There's a couple of valid reasons that uphold me.

One of them is friends. I can't stress enough the importance of friends. I love being with people. It's hard work but I want to keep trying. animals too but I feel a relationship with another person is something deeper. I can express myself with other humans and it feels good.

Remembering my goals. I want to finish high school, get a good paying job, make money selling drugs. Most of all I want to see places and experience exotic animals like dolphins. Need money for that. It's not my #1 goal but it's something.

I live for those moments where you say Life is good. They help me remember that there are some things worth living for. Experiencing Lucid dreams is one of those moments. Psychedelic drugs is a similar experience.
When I deprive myself of these two things I become depressed. I realize I need those moments to experience the full potential of my consciousness. It's hard to explain how I feel when I take a hit of 2cb or mescaline.. I become more balanced for a while and find more power. In turn this self-empowerment allows me to be more capable of loving another and making friends. Simply put, everything is better and more pure. It's a fleeting moment but the experience itself serves to remember my full potential. I can be like this all the time. I just haven't figured out how to do it without psychedelic drugs. And a hit of DMT or Mushrooms is something else. I want to experience the other dimension of the mind. Lucid Dreaming feels like it's similar.


I want to bring light in this world. Help others find light so we can make this world a better place collectively. I am conscious of the suffering of others. I haven't figured out yet how but I want to help them. If I end it and I'm not even sure if that will alleviate my own suffering. I will have darkned the world significantly. People around me will see my death as yet another evidence that it's a nasty universe.