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    Thread: What keeps you alive?

    1. #1
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      What keeps you alive?

      What's the thing in your life keeping you alive? What is the one thing that if everything else disappeared would give you reason to live, what thing, if it disappeared would justify you killing yourself?

      I haven't found that thing for myself and it's really interesting. Because I'm lonely, bored, and have no reason to live. But I don't want to kill myself. So by finding out why other people keep living I might clear my own confusion.
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      Terminally Out of Phase Descensus's Avatar
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      Biochemical reactions.
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      The worst thing that can happen to a good cause is, not to be skillfully attacked, but to be ineptly defended. - Frédéric Bastiat
      I try to deny myself any illusions or delusions, and I think that this perhaps entitles me to try and deny the same to others, at least as long as they refuse to keep their fantasies to themselves. - Christopher Hitchens
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      Yes I understand, but that's not helping at all xD

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      Huh, interesting question, let me think, what keeps me alive..
      My passion and desire for learning the World's Truths! Can't do much learning if you're dead.. or maybe, who knows!
      My love for my family and dear ones! They would be devastated if I'd die
      My desire to explore the physical world! There is so much cool stuff out there you can see and do
      My desire to explore the non-physical world! AKA lucid dreaming and the lot, I love doing it and can't see why that would ever stop
      My passion and love for art! I love digital sculpting, modeling, imagining something then giving it shape in a computer application
      My desire to see how the world events around me unfold, and supporting the right people and fighting for the right cause! There are some really bad people out there..

      p.s. don't kill yerself, mate xD
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      I haven't found that thing for myself and it's really interesting. Because I'm lonely, bored, and have no reason to live. But I don't want to kill myself.
      Here some questions you might ask yourself.

      Who am I?
      Is there actually anything to find?
      What am I trying to find?

      You dont have to actually answear these questions here, but merely ask them to yourself without trying to force any answears to them. I suggest that you pick one at the time and meditate on them.
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      You are not your thoughts...

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      Apparently Descensus would kill himself if he didn't have his daily fix of biochemical reactions! That's extreme dude!
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      Knowing that depression is just illness, which create illusionary feelings and perceiving. Knowing this, you won't kill yourself. Healthy organism hasn't got the need of the end.
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      Hmmm...I'm pretty sure my entire reason for living is because I was born. No matter what happens in life I want to continue living in this universe filled with so many creations. Its like I want to be what I was mean't to be.Myself. And even though there is pain,suffering,loneliness,anxiety and many other sad things in this world. I want to continue to grow, learn and understand why things are the way they are. Even if people or things make it hard for me, existing is something to be treasured.
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      I've experienced enough "coincidences" and other consistent direct connections between my mind and my reality to indicate that there is likely some kind of unseen power influencing the playing out of events in my life that transcends mere biochemical reactions.

      I'd say that the one factor motivating this life is the potential for spiritual growth and personal development. This seems to be the human race's purpose across the board. It's not "keeping us alive" per say, but it is certainly the key to living a fulfilling life.
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      Short answer/conclusion: I am going to do some homework for a change, start meditating again, practice on my violin. Maybe work is the secret to happiness. EDIT: but then what about meditation? Training yourself to be content without doing anything or thinking anything. I was about to say having something to do keeps you happy, but when you think about how mindfulness meditation makes you so content and peaceful, my answer is inconsistent with itself Hmm... Being content without a reason (meditating) and always doing something, working towards something. It seems to be the conclusion but it doesn't make sense. But it's alright, at least I came closer to an answer


      Rambling: *you can ignore this part, it's my train of thought that lead me to the above, but I kept it in because I'm so arrogant I thought you might be interested in it*

      Mimi listed a lot of enjoyable things, maybe one of which is really the true thing keeping her alive, I don't know. Dawn basically said curiosity and strive for growth.

      I still think it's too vague, it's not helping me at all, I could have come up with these things myself. In fact I did, and I decided it's not enough. I highly doubt that anybody really knows why they keep living. They just do, why? Who gives a crap? Live just because you can. Nfri you say that depression is an illness. Yes, it gets in the way of our thriving, but why should we thrive anyway? We are in a remote and pretty random solar system, remore and pretty random galaxy and in a cosmic scale we're pretty damn insignificant. The universe doesn't care about us. There are almost as many stars in the observable universe and drops of water in an ocean. And this entire ridiculously large (for human standards) solar system is one of thousands of billions. The universe doesn't care about you, even this entire galaxy is pretty damn insignificant on a universal scale. You have to find something for yourself that you enjoy. You have to create your own purpose.

      Friends? What friends? Friends just go on their own path, they just hang out with you when they have time or when they aren't kissing their girlfriends. Romance (or having a wife) is damn complicated, unpredictable, uncontrollable, wild, too damn unreliable to become a purpose of life. Music seems to remain good whatever you do or how much time passes. But maybe the thing I'm missing is a little bit of effort. I remember what it was like to practice hours a day on my violin. Figure out ways of practicing better, figuring out the mechanics of playing the violin, figuring out the way a melody is best expressed. Little science videos explaining exciting stuff, finding out things about nature. The glory I felt when I broke my deadlifting or squatting record. Now that I think about it, people working towards something are often the most excited ones. Perhaps my laziness is holding me back. Maybe I put some effort into things for the sake of experiment and see what happens.
      Last edited by Ginsan; 04-04-2015 at 01:49 AM.

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      I'm glad you're taking action and finding answers, but there was just a little thing I saw in regards to friends and relationships in your post. Humans are social creatures by nature, and I find that whenever somebody (or myself) lacks social interaction for a while, the person or I can get down in the dumps. Often times I can think of other reasons for why I may be depressed or sad, but often times I can trace it back to me not being social enough. As of recently, I've been lucky enough to come across a great group of friends, and they've really lifted my spirits and given me "reason to live". They aren't perfect and have many bad traits, however, and the same can also be applied to me, yet we still stay strong. You mention later in your post that you may be lacking effort, and I feel that with any relationship, it takes a ton of effort for it to flourish.

      Social interaction as a cure for those periods of sheer emptiness we often times go through isn't an absolute truth, some people enjoy being alone and that is perfectly fine, but I find that it can help most the time. With everything in life however, if you want it to be good, you usually have to work at it and put effort into it. So you may have actually put effort into forming relationships and just lucked out with some crappy people, but if you haven't, I highly recommend going about with the relationships in your life as something that requires work for them to be good, and the results are definitely worth it. If you simply aren't the social type, rock out that violin man and everything else you put your mind to. Also, on a little side note, your post has helped me out a bit too, as I have realized that there are areas in my life that are lacking effort where it is very much needed.

      Thanks for the post, and although I've deviated a bit from the original post, I would say that all the relationships I have in life keep me alive. I feel as if I have an obligation not to die due to all the grief it would cause (that may sound a bit self righteous )
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      I agree that friends can give you plenty of reason to live, but it's pretty hard to find good friends. I almost always stay at home and I'm not interested in looking for friends. If you have them that's great, but I can't bring myself to bet on it. Maybe physics is the way to go and fill my free time with violin playing. Physics is pretty interesting and damn challenging. The violin is beautiful soundwise and it looks beautiful, it's really difficult to get the sound you want but it's very rewarding. I have great friends but they just seem to be too busy. So yeah...

      EDIT: Even physically I love the violin. The instrument grows on you. You play things just by thinking about them without knowing how you're doing it. The bow on the strings, your fingers on the fingerboard, holding it is softly, not too tight, not too loose. You have to be 100% aware of all the sensations and sounds. The possibilities are endless. It not only takes everything in the moment, but it also takes a large chunk of your life to master it. But when it works, man... When it clicks... It's just touching. To hear the music you always listen to, but now you are the one producing it, it's coming right from your soul. I have been a lazy bastard for way too long. Look at me, I became a poet just by thinking about my violin Right now I can feel how it felt to play. It's only been about a month but it feels like forever. And I'm not even that good, I sound like crap most of the time, just try to imagine how a master feels about his instrument.
      Last edited by Ginsan; 04-04-2015 at 02:48 AM.
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    13. #13
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      In fact I did, and I decided it's not enough.
      I feel like you read our words but you saw it in an entirely different way. I think that is because you don't know what we have experienced in life that led us to our own conclusions. So you see it as something simple minded or ignorant. Perhaps if we could write the many things we went through and learned than you would understand. However, It is good that you came closer to an answer. You will gradually begin to understand.
      I have great friends but they just seem to be too busy. So yeah...
      I think it is great that you have friends. I haven't had a friend who i could hang out with or invite to my house for years. Honestly, I don't think its worth it having friends who say their too busy. I had a cousin like that and felt like she wasn't even worth talking too. Eventually she stopped trying.Also, there are certain things about people I can't stand. But i try to see the good things about them if it is something understandable. I wish I could have a friend who wouldn't take me for granted though. But searching for that friend is still, at this moment, far from my reach. Honestly, another reason I'm saying this is because of what you said below.
      but I can't bring myself to bet on it.
      It sort of made me feel sad when you said this.I encourage you not to take so lightly the gift of company though. Physics may bring you knowledge and the violin is indeed beautiful but sharing those things you love/enjoy with someone is so much better. Even if they aren't perfect. Its not like we are either.
      I want to say so much more things but I won't because I think only a bit is enough for now.
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      Somehow, women often have more interesting things to say than men I don't think my friends take me for granted, maybe they do but I don't know. I was broke and so was my phone a few weeks ago and my friend gave me his old phone. It's a great phone, it was probably over 100 euro's when he bought it, it feels like new except for tiny scratches on the screen and it's a big upgrade from my old crappy phone. My parents wanted me to pay him and I said no, because that would be condescending. If I were in his position I wouldn't want money for it so why should he not be capable of the same generosity? It's just a little gesture and it can't justify a friendship, but it's still a gesture. Another guy, the times we were in the same class we laughed so hard our bellies hurt. Every single day we had fun and every day my jaws would hurt because I smiled so much. I often think that I got my sense of humor from laughing so much with him during the years, about the silliest things. They and their girlfriends and me are like a group. Even though we only got together a few times. They once gave me a surprise birthday visit with the 4 of them. The whole day I couldn't wipe the grin off my face. But I miss them, it hurts to always be alone and only see them once a month. But what can I do? They seem to be working hard for their schools, unlike me. I honestly believe they are very busy, but it's still annoying. I also believe we could get together just a little more often. I'm also a bit worried that one day we will completely lose contact. We will all have our little lives going.

      So why not kill myself? I still don't know. Maybe I will find out if I meditate some more, play some more violin, learn some more physics, or meet up with my friends again. I've been like this for the last 3.5 years now. You know how much it hurts to be pretty much alone for 3 years? It sucks, you know. As you can see, it even gives a careless, jolly, forward looking guy like me suicidal thoughts. I'm becoming a darker and darker person and I hate it. I don't really believe it but one day I might really lose my sense of humor.

      edit: I don't take a person's company lightly, I'm just not sure if you can rely on it. It seems to me that no matter you well you get along, when life splits your paths, your paths are split. I'm immature but this is the way I see it. And you are right, I did see your words as ignorant and simple minded. Your conclusions don't have any meaning to me.
      Last edited by Ginsan; 04-04-2015 at 05:17 AM.
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      Quote Originally Posted by Ginsan View Post
      Somehow, women often have more interesting things to say than men I don't think my friends take me for granted, maybe they do but I don't know. I was broke and so was my phone a few weeks ago and my friend gave me his old phone. It's a great phone, it was probably over 100 euro's when he bought it, it feels like new except for tiny scratches on the screen and it's a big upgrade from my old crappy phone. My parents wanted me to pay him and I said no, because that would be condescending. If I were in his position I wouldn't want money for it so why should he not be capable of the same generosity? It's just a little gesture and it can't justify a friendship, but it's still a gesture. Another guy, the times we were in the same class we laughed so hard our bellies hurt. Every single day we had fun and every day my jaws would hurt because I smiled so much. I often think that I got my sense of humor from laughing so much with him during the years, about the silliest things. They and their girlfriends and me are like a group. Even though we only got together a few times. They once gave me a surprise birthday visit with the 4 of them. The whole day I couldn't wipe the grin off my face. But I miss them, it hurts to always be alone and only see them once a month. But what can I do? They seem to be working hard for their schools, unlike me. I honestly believe they are very busy, but it's still annoying. I also believe we could get together just a little more often. I'm also a bit worried that one day we will completely lose contact. We will all have our little lives going.

      So why not kill myself? I still don't know. Maybe I will find out if I meditate some more, play some more violin, learn some more physics, or meet up with my friends again. I've been like this for the last 3.5 years now. You know how much it hurts to be pretty much alone for 3 years? It sucks, you know. As you can see, it even gives a careless, jolly, forward looking guy like me suicidal thoughts. I'm becoming a darker and darker person and I hate it. I don't really believe it but one day I might really lose my sense of humor.

      edit: I don't take a person's company lightly, I'm just not sure if you can rely on it. It seems to me that no matter you well you get along, when life splits your paths, your paths are split. I'm immature but this is the way I see it.
      All those memories you have of your friends sound wonderful. Perhaps you should ask if you can meet up more. I think all the things you listed that you would do is great. But why do you say they are working hard for their schools and you aren't? I know how it feels since I haven't had a real friend for like 4 years now. However, I did start college last year and now that I have a part time job I'm not as lonely as I was before. But years ago I've been through those really dark moments that scare me too. It was like I was at constant war with myself. So much anxiety. I needed to speak to people i trusted about it. And when I was really afraid once I quickly hurried out the house and took a walk just to keep myself away from the bad thoughts. Honestly, I even had a fear of looking at knives for a time. Since I knew i was scared/depressed but did not want to kill myself. Watching the news about suicide victims was not helpful either. It was hard. But many things helped me get through it even though i did not have that friend i really wanted the most.

      I'm glad that you don't take it lightly and that you have experienced many good things having friends. Although life does split people's paths with each other there can be a time when you will meet. Perhaps the best thing to do when that arises is to make new friendships and to try to keep in contact with the others. ^^

      And you are right, I did see your words as ignorant and simple minded. Your conclusions don't have any meaning to me.
      Well,if that's what you see there is no point in talking to you than. My words may have seemed ignorant but you should have taken into consideration how others feel about the matter as you read. The word ignorant is rather offensive to me. Although I have wondered what others may have thought of my point of view before. Now that I see your bitter comment about it being ignorant I'm somewhat satisfied.
      Last edited by DawnEye11; 04-04-2015 at 05:56 AM.
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      There's a couple of valid reasons that uphold me.

      One of them is friends. I can't stress enough the importance of friends. I love being with people. It's hard work but I want to keep trying. animals too but I feel a relationship with another person is something deeper. I can express myself with other humans and it feels good.

      Remembering my goals. I want to finish high school, get a good paying job, make money selling drugs. Most of all I want to see places and experience exotic animals like dolphins. Need money for that. It's not my #1 goal but it's something.

      I live for those moments where you say Life is good. They help me remember that there are some things worth living for. Experiencing Lucid dreams is one of those moments. Psychedelic drugs is a similar experience.
      When I deprive myself of these two things I become depressed. I realize I need those moments to experience the full potential of my consciousness. It's hard to explain how I feel when I take a hit of 2cb or mescaline.. I become more balanced for a while and find more power. In turn this self-empowerment allows me to be more capable of loving another and making friends. Simply put, everything is better and more pure. It's a fleeting moment but the experience itself serves to remember my full potential. I can be like this all the time. I just haven't figured out how to do it without psychedelic drugs. And a hit of DMT or Mushrooms is something else. I want to experience the other dimension of the mind. Lucid Dreaming feels like it's similar.


      I want to bring light in this world. Help others find light so we can make this world a better place collectively. I am conscious of the suffering of others. I haven't figured out yet how but I want to help them. If I end it and I'm not even sure if that will alleviate my own suffering. I will have darkned the world significantly. People around me will see my death as yet another evidence that it's a nasty universe.
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      Thanks to everyone for your thoughts. DawnEye you're right, I shouldn't take it lightly. I don't know what to say though, it gave me food for thought. I feel like I'll be chewing on this for quite a while but here is what I think now: as long as there is something enjoyable, whether it's happening or you can imagine it in the future, it's worth it to keep living. Then what if you're having a dark moment? Just remember there is something better out there? Well if you could do that it wouldn't be a dark moment. I don't know what to do in a dark moment. Just try to prevent it, that's all I can think of right now.

      Cheers, Ginsan
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      Meditate. Pray. Find jesus.

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      Jesus died a long time ago.

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      This is why we need to find him.

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      How do you expect to find an imaginary person?

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      I've had several encounters with a being who presented himself as Jesus Christ while out of body. There are numerous NDE reports corroborating the claim that Jesus Christ is in fact a genuine spiritual entity. Can't say for sure though.. Guess we'll find out when our time comes.
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      Yeah, they are called hallucinations and have been reproduced in a lab with all kinds of gods and spiritual entities. It's a HALLUCINATION.

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      Out of everything or anyone possible and Jesus is the one to present himself to you? I'd be rather disappointed my mind hadn't produced a cooler and more creative hallucination than that.

      What keeps me alive? I'm pretty much of the same mind as you Ginsan, honestly. The reason, if there is one, seems to vary all over the place, mostly lots of short term stuff. It's not all that great or fulfilling really, it kinda sucks as a matter of fact. However, I could never accept just killing myself because no matter what the reasons are that would make me want to, they always change. There is never a time where I can justify ending my existence early because it seems like I can always do something else. If I can't literally burn myself out on things to learn, do, experience, make, or even wind up abusing (such as drugs) to the point of accidental oblivion, then I've got a more serious problem than I'd like to admit. If that were the case, I don't really see why you wouldn't seek some kind of help, there's literally nothing you can do but get better at that point.
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      Quote Originally Posted by Ginsan View Post

      (...)

      EDIT: Even physically I love the violin.

      The instrument grows on you.

      You play things just by thinking about them without knowing how you're doing it. The bow on the strings, your fingers on the fingerboard, holding it is softly, not too tight, not too loose.

      You have to be 100% aware of all the sensations and sounds.

      The possibilities are endless. It not only takes everything in the moment, but it also takes a large chunk of your life to master it.

      But when it works, man... When it clicks... It's just touching.

      To hear the music you always listen to, but now you are the one producing it, it's coming right from your soul.

      I have been a lazy bastard for way too long. Look at me, I became a poet just by thinking about my violin

      Right now I can feel how it felt to play. It's only been about a month but it feels like forever. And I'm not even that good, I sound like crap most of the time, try to imagine how a master feels about his instrument.

      Off topic, sorry, but ...

      I was shopping (mid Feb) and came across this busker. His violin made me cry. I talked to him and searched for him on Youtube. Here he is in Melbourne, busking. Listen and you will know why he brought me to ecstatic tears :

      ♥♥♥

      Sky's Violin - Amazing Grace - Melbourne: https://youtu.be/0uZi6uAdB6Q

      ♥♥♥ (3:23) 789 views
      Occipitalred and Ginsan like this.
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